Vibes for my Tolly please

[carolina]

I was thinking about so many things last night, but these really sum it up.
Gail, I really admire your strength for Tolly, I don't know how you made it home safe. That must have been one of the most difficult drives of your life. :heart3:
Obviously my initial reaction was shock, a profound sadness and heartache, a kind of meltdown "for" you and Tolly.... and yet, there you are, "holding it together for your little man." :nod: :heart3: I admire you so much, and I'm sure Tolly knows just how wonderful and amazing his meowmy is. :heart3:
And while this wasn't the news any of us wanted, at least you know. I know you cherish your kitties in such a special way, but I'm just so grateful you do have this time with him. :rub:
Tolly is one special kitty, that's for sure, and his meowmy is just as amazing.
Holding ALL of you and your babies close in my heart, and continuing the vibes that you will be with him (I just know you will be, he'll see to it!) when it's his time.

Gail, I really can't say it any better than that.... I have been thinking about this since last night.... You are a rock.... A rock with the softest, kindest of the hearts.... I am incredibly in awe of you. I can only imagine how you are breaking down inside, and to know that you are holding it all together so that your little man doesn't feel your stress.... You are just an amazing mommy.... I am so sorry Gail you both are going through this....
I hope Tolly doesn't suffer.... I hope you continue to be strong.... I hope for small miracles for both of you

 

[otto]

Aw thanks you guys. I don't feel all that strong, to be honest. I want him to have a happy calm home and cheerful mommie for whatever time he has left. Queen Eva is so sensitive, when I start stressing out she goes Bonkers. I mean really Whacka-doo. I've got the feliway going of course, but I don't think that has any affect on me, :lol3:

I do have anti-anxiety tablets from the doctor but they make me stoned so I don't want to take any. What if I have to drive Tolly to the vet while stoned on ativan? Warm milk helps relax me, so I am having that whenever I start to feel too scared of losing him.

When I got up this morning I found him at the window watching his birds. He's still very quiet, but doing okay. I decided to skip his denosyl this morning, just this once, to give him a break from taking so many pills. He's taking pills five times a day now, and it's hairball medicine day too, poor guy. So I thought he could miss one liver pill.

 

[AbbysMom]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this unexpected diagnosis. for Tolly for the rest of his life to be peaceful and and for you.

 

[bastetservant]

I'm so sorry, Gail.

God bless you and Tolly.








Robin

 

[ldg]

...When I got up this morning I found him at the window watching his birds. He's still very quiet, but doing okay. I decided to skip his denosyl this morning, just this once, to give him a break from taking so many pills. He's taking pills five times a day now, and it's hairball medicine day too, poor guy. So I thought he could miss one liver pill.

First of all, I'm SO HAPPY to hear the pred is helping him! GREAT way to start the day! :cross: and it continues!

And I love the image of waking up to find Tolly bird watching. That's nice for you to wake up to! :lol3:

We had that same - well - a similar talk wtih Lazlo. We were just lucky enough to have him let us know far in enough in advance there WAS a problem, enabling us to do something about it. I just thank... the Paw... every day that he didn't want to say good bye either.

I know Tolly wants to spend as much time as he can with you. :heart3: :rub: You give him soooooooo many reasons to, and skipping a med to make it more comfortable for him is just one of them. :lol3: :heart3:

Continued for ALL of you!

 

[otto]

I'm glad Lazlo let you know. The funny thing about Tolly is..for the past week, up until the day before we went to Cornell, he'd been playing like a kitten. He played with his Pink Fur Mouse constantly. Constantly. Then Thursday he got a little quiet. Then the long day at Cornell on Friday which really took a lot out of him. I have to keep reminding myself of that. He's been so very quiet since then, but my goodness, that was a rough day for him. And it was only two days ago.

He's not hiding in his Safe/Sick Spot. He's eating, peeing and pooping. He can't wash his bottom after pooping now though, he's too big around from the fluid. I washed it for him. In fact I don't think he has bathed at all since coming home from Cornell, but I'm not sure. He's not dirty yet, so maybe he is, when I'm not watching.

Having a long loving bath, washing himself to sleep, is one of Tolly's favorite things though. Come to think of it I haven't seen him sleep since we've been back from Cornell. I know he's uncomfortable with that basket ball around his middle. But he's not in pain. If he was hurting, he'd be in his Safe/Sick Spot. I know this.

I got his Christmas tree out tonight. I didn't have it last year because I worried about Queen Eva chewing on it. I felt bad about depriving Tolly of his tree, even though of course I knew he didn't know he was being deprived. He didn't get all excited about it like he normally does, though when I showed it to him he did automatically look at the spot where he knows it goes. I put all his Angels on it.

Maybe he'll check it out after he eats. I know he must be hungry now, but he had to have laxatone today, so he had to miss a meal. I've been feeding him every 3-4 hours except for when he has to have the hair ball remedy, which is every two days.

The tree is so old it shedded all over. I need to vacuum, I don't want Queen Eva eating those needles off the floor, but how I hate to take the vacuum out. Tolly really hates the vacuum. Maybe I'll try sweeping them up.

I'm not so brave as you all think. The thought of losing Tolly is a constant knife in my heart. The thought of him suffering, even for a minute, terrifies me. Maybe, if he gets through these first few days, and I get kind of used to his 'new reality' I won't feel so sick and worried all the time.

I try very hard to stay cheerful when I'm home. I hope I'm not acting like a lunatic and freaking the cats out more than crying would do.:lol3:

 

[ldg]

Well, that swelling around his middle has to be uncomfortable, so he might not be QUITE as playful and excited as usual. :rub: :heart3:

But not hiding in his sick spot means a lot. :nod: :heart3:

And you are as strong as we think. You may be a marshmallow with a knife in your heart on the inside, but on the outside, you're rock solid, because you need to be for your baby(ies). :nod: And that's what matters to you: them. :heart3: Of course they know something's wrong, but they love you for pretending for THEM. :heart3:

As always, keeping up the :heart3:

 

[ruthyb]

Oh hun,I am so really truly sorry for what you are going through.Just enjoy your time with Tolly,you are a wonderful meowmy and you have all of us here for support.xx

 

[feralvr]

Gail - I do know what you are feeling. I have a very sick old dog who is my whole heart. Each day I just don't know if this is IT . It wears me down, but I just keep going, one day at a time, one hour at a time. My heart has broken so many times over the last couple of months and the panic that sets in when I think of him gone, is just to much for me to bear. BUT I know I will have to "bear" it and somehow manage after he is gone. It is so hard to be strong on the outside and be dying on the inside. Such a conflict. I think this weekend you are having with Tolly is a gift and a blessing for you both. Oh dear, I have more tears, thinking about you and Tolly . Just loads of for you and loads of :rub::rub::rub::rub::rub: for your sweet Tolly ...... Hang in there and we are here for you and with you through this very painfully emotional and difficult time. :heart3:

 

[Ms. Freya]

Oh Gail, my heart is just breaking for you.

Your posts remind me so much of my last few weeks with Cotton and while I don't have any advice I'm definitely keeping you guys in my thoughts.

 

[feralvr]

Morning to Gail and Tolly :rub::rub::rub: Praying for you this morning, both of you :heart2::heart3::heart4:

 

[jcat]

for you, and that Tolly remains relatively comfortable and getting enjoyment out of life.

I absolutely understand about the Christmas tree, as that's always a thrill for Jamie, too.

 

[otto]

Thank you everyone for your continued support. As usual I can't reply to each individual but I'm taking it all in.

Tolly is not my first cat I've cared for with a terminal illness, but this is much more sudden than
Ootay and Bibbs . Bibbs also had a cancer, but it was in her sinus, brought on by a botched dental surgery (a root filament got away) and an incompetent clueless vet, and I had to let her go when she was almost 15 after caring for her for almost 2 years. Ootay was sick for many years, but made it to 18 with good quality of life.

I lost Baby to acute kidney failure brought on by stress, I barely had time to say good bye to him, he also was almost 15. Sissy died two weeks before Baby, she was 21, and I think the stress that killed Baby killed Sissy too, but she was so much older and was failing. Sissy went, and Baby just couldn't cope any more after he lost his Sissy.

Tolly is only 12 1/2 and I expected to lose him fairly young, but I expected it to be due to his liver from the phenobarbital. I expected I would have a lot of time to "get used to" the idea. Though of course there is never any getting used to it no matter how long you think you have prepared yourself.

But who knows...Tolly may defy the oncologist's prediction and stick around for a long time. My vet seems to feel it's possible. I like her attitude! I'm sure trying hard to make it worth his while to stay. :heart3:

He's doing okay. I put seed out on the windowsill last night and his Nocturnal Mouse came to eat and he was practically vibrating with excitement. He's using his scratcher and talking to the other cats and peeing and pooping. He can't wash his bottom though, so I do it for him and he lets me.:heart3:

The prednisone is definitely helping him feel better, in fact he even seems a little smaller around the middle this morning. I'm not measuring him any more because he doens't like it and I want to avoid as much stress as possible. But I do think he's a tiny bit smaller.

And....the pred is helping his mouth too.

 

[mrsgreenjeens]

Just checking in to see how you and Tolly (and, naturally, Jenny, Mazy and Queen Eva) are doing today. 

 

[ldg]

Gail, that's great! I'm so pleased to hear the pred is really helping, and Tolly's happy and comfortable. :heart3:

Keeping up the vibes!!!!!!

 

[mrsgreenjeens]

Good news!  When I checked in earlier, your post (Gail), was not on here for this morning, even though you apparently posted it several hours before I posted.  Weird.  Oh well, anyway, actually better than good news...GREAT news!  

 

[bastetservant]

A few years ago, I lost my gorgeous, glamorous Oliver (tall, sleek, lean, and photogenic, black DSH), to lymphoma.  Really the only option for his treatment was Prednisone, once a day.  The oncologist said he would last about six months with this as the treatment.  He hung in for 20 months, and only seemed sick the last few weeks. He was only 10 when he got sick.  I had him since he was 4 months old.

My vet, who I think highly of, and I've been going to since he came out of vet school 25 years ago, and I still drive 20 miles to take my cats to (where there are many, many closer and easier options), told me that when he was in vet school he had a professor who said that no animal should die without Prednisone being tried as a treatment option.

It is a miracle drug in that it can make a cat or dog more comfortable and stay around longer.

So, I hope, Gail, this drug gives you and Tolly many more happy days. 

 

Robin

 

[otto]

Thank you for sharing that with me Robin. I am feeling much more hopeful, especially reading things like Oliver's story.

Tolly is doing okay! His middle is definitely smaller around, so the prednisone is doing what it is supposed to do.

When I spoke to my vet today I expressed concern about how quiet and still he is. I mentioned how his eyes seem a little sunken and he seems depressed, in spite of the fact that he stays out and about, and watches the other cats.

She said he is on a high dose of the prednisone, and it can cause some dopiness. I said that's it! He acts like he's drugged! I felt so relieved after she mentioned that.

We talked about his lack of appetite. It's not really lack of appetite, it's that he won't eat enough cat food. He eats plenty of white meat chicken. The "give him anything he will eat" diet was okay when I thought I might lose him any day. But now that he's showing some improvement, and my hopes of having him stay with us a while longer are rising, he really needs to get back to eating a proper nutritious feline diet.

Vet suggested trying some a/d to get some fat in his diet. I'm pretty sure he won't eat it but I said I'd try a can, anyway.

Tonight I picked up a pint of chicken livers. I'm cooking them up right now, I'm going to try using them as a garnish to encourage him to eat his cat food.

The other cats are are so sweet and gentle with him. Mazy approaches him every time he gets on the floor and gives him a gentle head bump kiss. I wish you could see the way she presses her forehead against his face. SO SWEET! Queen Eva runs over and does a somersault over him, but is very careful not to knock him down or hurt his swollen belly. I've seen Jennie lick him twice.

 

[darkmavis]

I'm glad to read that Tolly seems to be feeling a bit better with the prednisone, that's definitely great news! I'm still thinking of you and Tolly and wishing you all the happy, quality time together as possible.

 

[ldg]

Aw, you just have the sweetest babies. :heart3:

If he doesn't go for the chicken livers, try beef. Lazlo doesn't like chicken livers, but loves beef liver! :nod: