Vibes for my Tolly please

[feralvr]

I have not been able to log on all day - busy. But have been very, very nervous to find out about Tolly today. I have also held him and you, Gail, very, very close to my heart today. I am happy to hear he is back home tonight. of relief ............. Just loads more vibes/prayers/positive thoughts and anything else I can muster up.

 

[feralvr]

Sending some angel's to watch over you and Tolly and keep you two going strong!!!!!!!!!!!!! and more of these too

 

[carolina]

All the vibes and love in the World going your way :heart3::heart3::heart3::heart3::heart3::heart3:

 

[juliec]

Many prayers for baby Tolly.

 

[clpeters23]

Hang in there Tolly!  Sending healing vibes and prayers.

 

[otto]

I'll post Tolly's update in a sec. First want to thank all of you for your support. I hope you dn't mind if I don't reply to everyone individually. I read and re-read every post, and can't begin to tell you how grateful I am for the prayers vibes, well wishes, and just being there for me.

:grphug:

 

[otto]

Hi Everyone

When I brought Tolly home, he did not come right out of the carrier like he usually does. So I brought the carrier upstairs and set it in the middle of the floor. He did come out then, and wound around my legs. You can see here how thin he is, under all that fluid

...

After a quick Rapture, he did eat a small amount of canned food. About a eighth of a 3 ounce can, hand fed. I had to leave, but an hour later was able to run in for just a minute and check on him. He was still in the same place, on the floor. I hated seeing him on the floor like that, so I got a quilted throw that doesn't have a specific spot already in the house and put it on the floor next to him, to use if he wanted.

When I came home, tonight he was on the blankie.



What I was told to expect was that Tolly would be somewhat lethargic tonight. After reading up on Cerenia a little (anti-nausea shot) I found out that cerenia can cause some dopiness, the effect which may be increased in animals who take phenobarbital.

So I guess it was less a shock that it might have been, to see him in what appears to be a drugged state. However, he does have slight reactions to stimuli. When I first came home and saw him so still on the blanket with his eyes black and glassy with dilated pupils, my heart stopped. I dropped down next to him. At first he had no response. I stroked him and sang to him, but he remained still. But, when I drew away and started to get up, I saw the slightest rattle of his tail. With that encouragement I remained on the floor, continuing the stroking and singing, and after a few more minutes he lifted his chin for skritches.

But he won't eat, and got annoyed with me for trying. I was actually glad to see the annoyance, because at least that is reaction. He has not spoken or purred at all.

I had a long talk with him, telling him I thought we should give his little body a chance to recover from his ordeal of today but if he still feels so low tomorrow morning I will not keep him any longer. I told him I love him very much, but I don't want him to worry about me, if he wants to go, I will send him off to be with his Bibbs and his Ootay, and I will be okay, he mustn't worry about me.

Then I let him be, he stayed on that blankie, while I played with the other cats and fixed mine and their suppers. He became slightly more alert, watching the girls play. And, lifted his head quickly when he heard the rattle of the red dot pen, though he showed no interest in chasing it.

Then I started worrying about his medications. He still needed his prednisone and phenobarbital tonight. The prednisone is supposed to be given with food. If he decides he wants to leave us tomorrow, the medication doesn't seem all that important. But I'm remembering what my vet said, that I should expect some lethargy. And if he does feel better tomorrow, he should not miss his pills tonight.

So, since my clinic is on call on Monday nights I put in a call. My vet is not there but I spoke to one of the technicians. She knows Tolly, was there when he had his fluids drained off. 1300 ML (43 ounces). That is a LOT of fluid!

When I told her how lethargic she was, she confirmed that was perfectly normal. She said the prednisone might even give him an appetite, so I should go ahead and give it to him and offer him some food about an hour later.

So I have given him his prednisone. After he took his pill he indicated he would like to be on his Shelf on the Tower. He is very wobbly so I helped him get there and that is where he is now.



Around 10 pm I will offer him some food again. Earlier I offered him both sardines and turkey (at separate times) and he turned away from them. I'm not sure what to try next, or maybe try each of those again. He can have his phenobarbital on an empty stomach, but I would of course love to see him eat something. I have some a/d here and could try some syringe feeding, but I don't want to cause him a lot of stress. He's been through so much already today.

If he is more cheerful in the morning, and shows signs of interest, but still can't eat, I might try the sryinge feeding. It's just....I don't want to force him to stay if he's had enough. I want to give him every chance to feel better, but....the prognosis has been poor from the beginning, and I don't want to put him through too much.

He's been such a brave fighter all his life, you know? If he wants to go, I will let him. So...I won't assist feed tonight. In the morning if I think he wants to keep going, I will.

So tonight all is calm and quiet and peaceful. I am resisting the urge to hover. It is enough that he is staying out and about with me and the girls. If he wants my attention he knows how to get it.

Hey, look at that! he's got a little bit of a paw dangle now!....



PS again even as I was typing that, he changed position again and is now curled up facing the window....maybe watching for his Nocturnal Mouse. I promised him after the dangly paw shot that I wouldn't bother him with the camera again, but I do think he might be perking up a bit

 

[carolina]

Oh Gail, I just want to go through the computer screen and give you the biggest hug one can give.... and just be there for you..... Know that I am there in spirit.... I am so so sorry hun....
Tolly baby, all the love going your way sweet baby boy :heart3: :heart3: :heart3: :heart3: :heart3:

 

[feralvr]

I am so happy he is home with you and his fur-family tonight. The pictures are so sweet and you can see him rubbing up on your leg :rub:. He is happy to be home. Hoping the Pred will perk him up to eat some tonight before his phenobarbital pill :cross:. I suspect you won't get much sleep wanting to "hover" :lol3:. Can't blame you :heart3: . I will be up a few times tonight as usual for my dog and will be thinking of Tolly :heart4: Many prayers tonight

 

[ldg]

Oh Gail.... I'm just bursting with love and tears at the same time. :heart3: My words are failing me right now. I'm just SO glad Tolly's home with you, and letting you know what he wants (and doesn't). He is SUCH a brave, strong boy, and ... just know you're both enveloped in light and love and positive vibes for strength and courage. :heart3:

 

[otto]

Tolly wants to go. He still has an appointment on the schedule this morning for 10 :20 and I have promised him he can go join his beloved Bibbs and beloved Ootay at that time.

One of the dangers of draining the fluid is kidney failure. I'm pretty sure Tolly has gone into kidney failure. Tolly spend the night lying next to the water bowl. Even after I put a soft cushion on the floor next to him, next to the water bow,l he wouldn't use it. He stayed on the floor.

Last night before I went to bed I carried him down to the litter box and he peed. He wouldn't lie on me when I read on the couch, he just wanted to be near the water bowl. This morning as soon as I got out of bed I again carried him down to the litter box to pee. When I brought him back up I put him on his shelf to watch the birds have breakfast, but he somehow jumped down (when I wasn't looking) and has gone back to the water bowl.

He wants to go and I won't keep him any longer. I'm pretty sure he's not in pain, he's not suffering. But he's just tired of it all. I'm trying very hard not to feel badly that I kept him with me this extra day. I just didn't know, I felt I should give him a chance, and try the draining, at least once you know? I hope he can forgive me for making him wait.

Someone said something about Tolly hiding his illness from me for so long, to spare me, and that is what he did. He must have known there was nothing that could be done so he spared me. How strange that last week before he filled up was one of his most active cheerful playful weeks ever. Remember how I kept remarking on how much he was playing with his Pink Fur Mice (before I knew he was sick)? I guess he was giving me this happy memory.

Sorry to sound so ....gloomy. I want to be cheerful for him this morning, so I will play with Queen Eva until it's time to go. That always cheers everyone up!

Mods, please do not close this thread yet. Tolly is not gone yet, and people may still want to reply. When I get back from sending him on, I will post to that fact.

 

[ilovemia]

Thinking of you and Tolly today.

 

[AbbysMom]

He wants to go and I won't keep him any longer. I'm pretty sure he's not in pain, he's not suffering. But he's just tired of it all. I'm trying very hard not to feel badly that I kept him with me this extra day. I just didn't know, I felt I should give him a chance, and try the draining, at least once you know? I hope he can forgive me for making him wait.

I haven't posted much in this thread because I went through a similar ordeal with my Molly and reading about this brings it all back. It still hurts and I can't read this thread without crying. I have to comment on this though. You have done the best you can for Tolly with the knowledge you have been given about his condition. Don't ever, ever doubt that. I felt the same about prolonging things with Molly, but we were waiting for more answers from the vet, which we never got. She told me it was time before we got the answers. Don't question yourself. You have been there for him. :heart2:

Mods, please do not close this thread yet. Tolly is not gone yet, and people may still want to reply. When I get back from sending him on, I will post to that fact.

Absolutely not. Once you post that he is running over that Bridge to see Ootay, we will close it. After you have created a Bridge thread for him (when you feel up to it ) we can add the link into this thread.

 

[otto]

The only thing saving me is the deep knowledge that he WANTS to go, and that he will be with his Bibbs and Ootay, it will be a happy event for him. And that is as it should be.

 

[jcat]

All you can do in such a situation is follow your heart and listen to what Tolly tells you, which is what you've done. Hugs for you and Tolly both.

 

[violet]

I'm so very sorry the draining couldn't give Tolly more time. Many many tears and (((hugs)))

 

[sweetpea24]

I am so sorry to hear that the draining has not helped Tolly. I think that you and Tolly have such a special relationship that not even death could break it. It is so loving of you to listen to Tolly and let him tell you when it's time. He trusts you so much.

I hope that you are okay and that you know that you did everything for him and gave him the most precious gift: your love. His body won't be with you bit his spirit and live will always be with you. The paw prints he leaves on your heart will remain there forever.

I don't know you well but your story, as well as those of other posters, have touched me. You have some very good friends on here.

 

[ldg]

Gail, I KNOW Tolly forgives you. In fact, I expect Tolly wanted to to try. :nod: He's a very, very brave, strong little man, and so clearly loves you and the girls so very deeply.

Once again, I find myself in that strange situation of feeling that combination of my heart bursting with love, because every word you write is so infused with love, care and concern. The situation is so very sad to those of us Tolly leaves behind, but your words are hardly "gloomy." It's heartbreaking and uplifting at the same time. You understand so well your very special relationship with Tolly, and you know he's ready - and you're happy for him that he will be with his beloved Bibbs and Ootay And yet his release from his body comes at such a great cost to you. It's the price we pay for loving. :heart3:

I, of course, will be holding you and Tolly in my heart. You both are enveloped in light :sun: :sun: :sun: and love.:heart3: :heart3: :heart3:

 

[carolina]

I am sorry Gail, I am sorry for you, for Tolly.... Please do not fault yourself for anything.... no no..... Just love him a little longer..... and know that you absolutely have done what was best for him..... I have never seen before someone be so strong for someone else..... God he knows how amazing of a meowmy you are and how much you love him.....
I am sorry you are goth going through this hun....:heart3:

 

[feralvr]

Gail- I, honey, I am so deeply sorry for you and am there with you and Tolly in spirit this morning as you free him from his illness and send him off to be free at the bridge. I really think Tolly wanted these last days to be special for you and him together. I am grateful you will have the memories of this last week and remember how much you both love each other. That will never, ever die, ever. I am just holding back the tears right now and my heart is breaking for you, sweetie You have been so strong for you baby Tolly - and he wanted to be with you as long as his body would allow. He KNEW how to tell you it was his time - and today is the day. Not a day earlier - HE wanted this extra time with you. My heart is bursting with sorrow but at the same time a light-hearted feeling of inspiration of the deep love and bond you both have. :heart2: :heart3: :heart4:

May peace and love be with you as you say your goodbye's to your sweet boy. I am holding you and Tolly very, very, very close to my heart, right now :heart3: :heart3: