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I expect it to take as long as it is going to take. I don't see this as a shortcut through grief. I just don't feel like sitting around waiting for the landmines if I can worksheet and journal through those feelings ahead of time. I'm not saying I won't still lose it when it touches something tender. But I'll have a better map of what's going on inside. I'll learn new tools. And if nothing else, I'll learn some new mantras to help me through the more challenging moments.It helps me to watch and listen to the videos I have of Tarifa. You have some of Krista trilling, don't you? I know it's not the real, but maybe it will be of some comfort.
And yes, we can and need to grow through grief. We sure won't grow without going through it. No one does it the same as anyone else, but I hope you'll bear in mind that it's very, very soon to expect yourself to be very far into that growth at this point.
I think I'm doing okay, and then suddenly I'm not. My roomie tried to tell me that a friend of hers counselled her after she lost her cat, saying she should be "happy" because her cat was playing up there. Maybe she was trying to be helpful and comforting, but the day after I lost Tarifa, I was NOT ready for this and I just told her her friend was wrong, that it is natural and normal to grieve, for ourselves, not for those who we have lost. She backed off. I don't cry in front of her, but I do mention Tarifa and I mention missing her. I mention Elvis missing her, especially, and Baby Su looking for her, when that is what is in my mind.
We just can't push these things.
I do have videos of Krista trilling. And a couple of her purring. They're not enough. But they will have to be enough now.