Remembering Krista

[daftcat75]

It helps me to watch and listen to the videos I have of Tarifa. You have some of Krista trilling, don't you? I know it's not the real, but maybe it will be of some comfort.
And yes, we can and need to grow through grief. We sure won't grow without going through it. No one does it the same as anyone else, but I hope you'll bear in mind that it's very, very soon to expect yourself to be very far into that growth at this point.
I think I'm doing okay, and then suddenly I'm not. My roomie tried to tell me that a friend of hers counselled her after she lost her cat, saying she should be "happy" because her cat was playing up there. Maybe she was trying to be helpful and comforting, but the day after I lost Tarifa, I was NOT ready for this and I just told her her friend was wrong, that it is natural and normal to grieve, for ourselves, not for those who we have lost. She backed off. I don't cry in front of her, but I do mention Tarifa and I mention missing her. I mention Elvis missing her, especially, and Baby Su looking for her, when that is what is in my mind.
We just can't push these things.

I expect it to take as long as it is going to take. I don't see this as a shortcut through grief. I just don't feel like sitting around waiting for the landmines if I can worksheet and journal through those feelings ahead of time. I'm not saying I won't still lose it when it touches something tender. But I'll have a better map of what's going on inside. I'll learn new tools. And if nothing else, I'll learn some new mantras to help me through the more challenging moments.

I do have videos of Krista trilling. And a couple of her purring. They're not enough. But they will have to be enough now.

 

[Furballsmom]

I can grow into those spaces and become a bigger person than before. NC (next cat) will appreciate his/her own spaces rather than being shoe-horned into those left behind by Krista.

My hat is off to you

 

[sidneykitty]

I just read through your other thread about Krista's care and this one. Her thread was always a regular stop for me on this site. I could not stop myself from crying as I read through. I am so sorry. I am heartbroken to hear this news, but not half as much as I am sure you are... You were such a wonderful caregiver to her and I know she knew it too. I feel there is really nothing I can say to help but that we are here for you and we remember Krista and honor her memory with you because she touched a lot of us through this site, at least me anyway. This thread is a testament to the love you shared and probably only touches the surface. I'm thinking of both you and her tonight.

 

[lavishsqualor]

It's the closest I get to visiting hours at the Rainbow Bridge.

 

[daftcat75]

I'm missing my alarm clock so much. Even if it was going off earlier and earlier each morning. But then she was a most adorable snooze button even if she was a little defective in that department. You don't normally expect your snooze button to do laps across your chest mere moments after pressing it.

I haven't had to set a regular alarm in the morning in years. Now I find myself setting it later and later since my commute is 15 steps. And lunch comes soon enough if I sleep through breakfast.

Her feeding schedule, insane as it was at the end, kept me tethered to time. I have an alarm clock on the sound bar in the front room that turns the TV off and puts on the cat rock. I have a light in the office that changes to a dim unworkable light at sunset in case I'm "working" too late. I usually sign off at 6 pm--a holdout from when I had to pred her nightly at roughly the same time every night. I'm trying to honor that rather than simply work later now. There may be a time where I will need to work longer hours. Until then, it's better and healthier to keep a schedule. Especially when the commute is 15 steps. In the last two years, Krista forced me to choose her over work and that helped me establish healthy limits on work time. Now that I have fought for this, I want to keep it as long as I can. It will be Krista's gift to NC (next cat.)

 

[tarasgirl06]

I'm missing my alarm clock so much. Even if it was going off earlier and earlier each morning. But then she was a most adorable snooze button even if she was a little defective in that department. You don't normally expect your snooze button to do laps across your chest mere moments after pressing it.

I haven't had to set a regular alarm in the morning in years. Now I find myself setting it later and later since my commute is 15 steps. And lunch comes soon enough if I sleep through breakfast.

Her feeding schedule, insane as it was at the end, kept me tethered to time. I have an alarm clock on the sound bar in the front room that turns the TV off and puts on the cat rock. I have a light in the office that changes to a dim unworkable light at sunset in case I'm "working" too late. I usually sign off at 6 pm--a holdout from when I had to pred her nightly at roughly the same time every night. I'm trying to honor that rather than simply work later now. There may be a time where I will need to work longer hours. Until then, it's better and healthier to keep a schedule. Especially when the commute is 15 steps. In the last two years, Krista forced me to choose her over work and that helped me establish healthy limits on work time. Now that I have fought for this, I want to keep it as long as I can. It will be Krista's gift to NC (next cat.)

How well I know. We often woke up to yelling and bellowing at all hours of the morning, and once I actually got up, the bellows became VERY VERY loud.
I sign off at about the same time as you do -- a little earlier, actually, so I can work out before dinner prep. Usually toward the end of her stay with us, Tar would jump up on the weight bench, where she often preferred to eat, drawing attention to the fact that maybe a thick-headed, selfish human didn't know better, but TARIFA NEEDS TO BE FED! And that should COME BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE!!!
Those little clocks are the best. Nothing compares.

 

[daftcat75]

Sometimes I stuck my tongue out at her.

Sometimes she stuck hers out at me.


Sometimes I look up to her urn and stick my tongue out at her once more.

I don’t mind I don’t get a reaction. I never got one anyway. Tough crowd. She had quite the poker face!

 

[lavishsqualor]

Wow, daftcat75, I always think of Krista as being a small, diminutive cat but she looks like quite the kitty beast lying on your stomach there! In her healthy years--as in the photo you've posted--what did she weigh?

 

[daftcat75]

Wow, daftcat75, I always think of Krista as being a small, diminutive cat but she looks like quite the kitty beast lying on your stomach there! In her healthy years--as in the photo you've posted--what did she weigh?

She was diminutive. I don’t know that she was ever much more than 9 lbs. She was probably 8 or 8.5 in that picture. It was just a month or two from her peak weight since I was tracking it.

This was May 2019. Her teeth started bothering her again in September before her final extractions last October. She peaked at 9 lbs sometime last summer and was down to 7.5 I think by the time she went into the dentist. She passed away at 3 lbs 4 oz.

Here’s a few more pictures from that time.

 

[daftcat75]

Oct 2018. 7.3 lbs

Nov 2019: 7.5 lbs

July 31, 2020: approx 4 lbs

 

[tarasgirl06]

Oct 2018. 7.3 lbs
View attachment 349853
Nov 2019: 7.5 lbs
View attachment 349854
July 31, 2020: approx 4 lbs
View attachment 349855

She looks so adorable peeking out from her Katris!
Such a little warrior.

 

[daftcat75]

Facebook reminded me of a fatter Krista from 2013. She might have been 10 lbs here.

Just chillin in the exam room to get her shots and papers up to date. The little fugitive!

 

[tarasgirl06]

Facebook reminded me of a fatter Krista from 2013. She might have been 10 lbs here.
View attachment 349938
Just chillin in the exam room to get her shots and papers up to date. The little fugitive!

She looks positively pudgy there! Wow! Of course it's probably just the angle and the shadowing. But she looks quite prosPURRous.

 

[daftcat75]

She looks positively pudgy there! Wow! Of course it's probably just the angle and the shadowing. But she looks quite prosPURRous.

This was seven years ago. She wasn’t presenting any IBD symptoms yet for several more years. She was free feeding kibble as much as she wanted. I didn’t know any better. I kept a gravity feeder full. I figured she would self-regulate. And I guess except for some pudginess, she did.

It’s sad that I remember so little of the years before her struggles started. I have so few photos, videos, or memories from before 2018. But thankfully she was so tough yet so sweet (at least to me....most of the time), that we had two more deeply bonded and special years together to build lots of wonderful and blessed memories. Despite the struggles!

 

[daftcat75]

Also OC was out today. He’s far too friendly to be a stray or a feral. I’m not abducting someone else’s cat. No matter how sweet and handsome he is.

 

[daftcat75]

She loved a shoelace!

 

[FeebysOwner]

A shoelace! That is pretty much the only thing Feeby will play with anymore. She has had the same one for years and years!

 

[tarasgirl06]

We have bowls of (high quality) dry around the house. They nibble free-choice. They are not pudgy. They get 3 wet meals a day, which is their main interest, although right at this time, they're foodstriking.
"Abducting someone else's cat"? That cat belongs indoors. That's what responsible, caring people DO. *He sure is handsome!*

 

[daftcat75]

I saw OC by the same rock as yesterday. I brought out some water for him. I had to bribe him in scritches first. But he did come around to the water and was very appreciative. I went for an errand and came back. Still out there. I thought I’d give him a break from the heat and invite him into my apartment.

That was a well-meaning mistake. He hissed first thing through the door. Then he wandered around probably looking for the other cat.

When he got into the office, when he got to the condo Krista spent so much of her last weeks inside, that’s when it hit me like a runaway train. I am not ready for another cat yet. I am not ready for him to be tracing her places and routines. I am not ready yet for a different cat on the media bench. Or on the stove. Or next to me on the bed.

Or in those places that held so much meaning for Krista...

That was very upsetting to witness.

Besides. The little litter I had left wouldn’t line a disposable box. And I don’t have enough strength in me now to buy some more with some well-meaning cashier asking about my kitty. So out the door he went. He seem to understand that.

I got my wish of a cat rental and it went worse than I would have expected. But I’m grateful for learning that now than with NC in his/her box waiting to come out into a home and heart that’s still spoken for.

 

[daftcat75]

I may donate that condo. I can’t imagine coming to peace with another cat using it. None of the other trees bother me like this. Krista’s favorite tree was a hand-me-down. But Edwina, the tree’s former occupant, didn’t spend her final weeks in that tree because she couldn’t get to her favorite anymore.

It’s a convalescent condo. The only memories I have of it is that she found a place she felt comfortable and safe when she couldn’t get to her other places anymore. Not enough good memories. Does not spark joy.