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(This is long, and not a "groaner", but I found it today and thought it was pretty funny.)
It all started one day when I was sitting at my desk and remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered and I politely said "This is Sam. May I please speak with Tom?" The man slammed the phone down and hung up on me. I couldn't believe anyone could be so rude.
I dialed Tom's correct number. I realized I had accidentally switched the last two digits of the phone number. After hanging up with Tom, I decided to call the "wrong number" again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "JERK" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word "JERK" next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was having a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell "JERK!" and slam down the phone. It really cheered me up.
When Caller ID became the norm, I thought my calling would have to stop. I called his number and said "Hi, this is the telephone company. I was calling to see if you're interested in the Caller ID program." He yelled "NO!" and I slammed the phone down. I quickly re-dialed. When he answered, I yelled "THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A JERK!" and hung up.
One day I was in a parking lot and some guy in a black BMW cut me off and stole the parking spot I had been patiently waiting for. I laid on the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for that spot. He ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.
A few days later, I called the first jerk, then decided I could call the BMW jerk, too. I called, and said "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes it is."
"Can you tell me where I could take a look at it?"
"Sure, it's 1802 West Street. It's a yellow house and the car is right out front."
"What's your name?"
"My name is Don," he said.
"When is a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Sounds great. Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Sure, what's that?
"Don, you're a JERK". Then I hung up. Now, when I had a really bad day, I had two jerks to call.
But after a few months of this, it just wasn't as fun anymore. So one day, I called Jerk #1.
"Hello."
"You're a JERK!" But I didn't hang up.
"STOP CALLING ME!" he screamed.
"Make me!"
"Who are you!?"
"My name is Don."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Jerk, I live at 1802 West Street, a yellow house with my black BMW parked in front...you jerk."
"I'm coming over right now, Don, and you'd better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, jerk."
Then I called Jerk #2.
"Hello?"
"Hey, jerk."
He yelled, "IF I EVER FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE I'LL KICK YOUR BUTT."
I answered, "Well, jerk, here's your chance. I know right where you live, and I'm coming over right now."
I hung up immediately and called the police, saying I previously lived at 1802 West Street and I was on my way over there to punch my cheating ex in the face. Then I quickly called Channel 3 News about the fight breaking out on West Street. I quickly got into my car and headed over. There, I saw two jerks beating the crap out of each other in front of squad cars, a news crew, and a police helicopter as they threatened to break out the mace.
Anger management really works! Please do not try this at home.
It all started one day when I was sitting at my desk and remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered and I politely said "This is Sam. May I please speak with Tom?" The man slammed the phone down and hung up on me. I couldn't believe anyone could be so rude.
I dialed Tom's correct number. I realized I had accidentally switched the last two digits of the phone number. After hanging up with Tom, I decided to call the "wrong number" again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "JERK" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word "JERK" next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was having a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell "JERK!" and slam down the phone. It really cheered me up.
When Caller ID became the norm, I thought my calling would have to stop. I called his number and said "Hi, this is the telephone company. I was calling to see if you're interested in the Caller ID program." He yelled "NO!" and I slammed the phone down. I quickly re-dialed. When he answered, I yelled "THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A JERK!" and hung up.
One day I was in a parking lot and some guy in a black BMW cut me off and stole the parking spot I had been patiently waiting for. I laid on the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for that spot. He ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.
A few days later, I called the first jerk, then decided I could call the BMW jerk, too. I called, and said "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes it is."
"Can you tell me where I could take a look at it?"
"Sure, it's 1802 West Street. It's a yellow house and the car is right out front."
"What's your name?"
"My name is Don," he said.
"When is a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Sounds great. Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Sure, what's that?
"Don, you're a JERK". Then I hung up. Now, when I had a really bad day, I had two jerks to call.
But after a few months of this, it just wasn't as fun anymore. So one day, I called Jerk #1.
"Hello."
"You're a JERK!" But I didn't hang up.
"STOP CALLING ME!" he screamed.
"Make me!"
"Who are you!?"
"My name is Don."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Jerk, I live at 1802 West Street, a yellow house with my black BMW parked in front...you jerk."
"I'm coming over right now, Don, and you'd better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, jerk."
Then I called Jerk #2.
"Hello?"
"Hey, jerk."
He yelled, "IF I EVER FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE I'LL KICK YOUR BUTT."
I answered, "Well, jerk, here's your chance. I know right where you live, and I'm coming over right now."
I hung up immediately and called the police, saying I previously lived at 1802 West Street and I was on my way over there to punch my cheating ex in the face. Then I quickly called Channel 3 News about the fight breaking out on West Street. I quickly got into my car and headed over. There, I saw two jerks beating the crap out of each other in front of squad cars, a news crew, and a police helicopter as they threatened to break out the mace.
Anger management really works! Please do not try this at home.
