Cat intros at a standstill

[acari]

It's the beginning of cat play.

Not sure how you both managed to do this,....this fast....since I was betting that this was going to happen within 2 weeks, but it already happened today. (glad I don't actually bet using money....or I'd be broke.)

It's just such a good feeling, to see T initiating play, not being too fearful, and K just crouching there, ears attentive and listening, and not looking upset. At one point K looks away, so that must be good.

Is it really? I thought it looked so funny when T froze when K looked up but I didn't know that it was playing.
I wish I could let T out into the living room by myself during the day but it's a two-person ordeal...I feel like it works better during the day, when K is sleepier.
It's cuter knowing that T was trying to play!

I'd like to see the pawing reduced in intensity, coming from K, and then I'd be comfortable with the next steps.

Yes, me too, even though I'm not familiar with cat behavior. Or, at the very least, if she would do the pawing without the vocalizing (which happens sometimes already)?

If K allows you, then you could try to give her claws a trim, just on the tips.

We plan to do this whenever we get to the point of them meeting. T just doesn't stay still long enough for us to try with her, but we've been trying to get her used to us touching her paws during mealtimes (she pulls away ).
K, we can do very slowly if she is especially sleepy.

Goodness, thank you for that laugh, today.

You are welcome, haha, I think you would find K funny if you could meet her. She is very bratty...

Oh, and if you notice in that 2nd GIF, K is really following that wand toy, ...more so, than she does T.
So maybe playing with K with that wand toy, will also reduce her reactions, to make her 'feel better', and not have to be 'grumpy or annoyed'.

Yes, I did see that she was following the toy! After I took the video I played with her (different wand toy) and she did sort of go after it a bit, but shortly after that was when she pawed at the gate.

==========

cat nap I moved K over for dinner today and we fed T at the bottom of the stairs. K ate almost all of her food, she left some scraps - hard to tell if she did that because she wasn't as hungry, or if she was feeling edgy about being moved.
(When we were trying to feed her upstairs before, for the "two sides of the door" thing, she started leaving larger and larger portions of her food before refusing to go upstairs...so we'll see if she keeps eating all her food downstairs even if we move her further into the hallway.)

This is about halfway between her usual place and the gate, it's the first place where she might have line of sight to T if she wanted. I'll admit to being impatient about it because I probably should have moved from her original location inches at a time...
To me it seemed like she didn't notice or pay attention to T at all, she was just confused why I moved from her regular location. But she has much sharper senses than I do so I expect she did know T was eating nearby.



(You can just see T peering over the rice bag in the back.)

 

[acari]

A quick update! K woke up from a long nap after dinner and cuddled with my partner for a while on the couch, then came over to the gate where T was with me. And she initially looked for treats but we didn't have any right there with us at the moment, and she actually just laid down and was chill!


T was a little bit restless so she got up and walked away, and my partner took the opportunity to grab a treat jar for K. He accidentally put the treat a little too far forward so she got up to eat it, then sat up hoping for more. When we didn't give her more, she surprised us by lying down on her side:


T got up again, then flopped over to face me:


Finally, near the end, T sat down to clean herself for a while (more than a minute) and K just watched.
K got up, then cleaned herself a bit, before walking away.
I'm including a longer GIF here of that in case K's body language means anything to you.


So this was at least 5 full minutes of K being completely chill with T there. We didn't make her come over, she decided to do it on her own and stayed even though we only gave her two treats through that whole time (since she wasn't asking and seemed calm)!
You can almost see it in the shorter GIF but she was also slow blinking a lot throughout, at me and at T. But I think T was probably staring back, which I think makes K confused.

At the beginning, they did play a game of "I'm not looking at you" where their heads were moving in sync so that when K was looking at T, T was looking away - when T turned to look at K, K turned to look away...it was funny.

I am, to borrow cat nap 's earlier phrasing, over the moon that this happened again tonight. But I'm realistic so I am sure we will go back to pawing, I think K just happens to be in a very charitable and affectionate mood today. I'll take what I can get.

 

[calicosrspecial]

I only have a minute here as I have a busy day si I have to make this fast. Will try to respond more fully later or tomorrow.

"Well, in the end, when introducing a new cat to a resident cat, aren't we "taking" the resident cat's territory away?" - No, ideally all the territory will still be accessible and something good with be sharing.

"We're working towards sharing it but if the new cat sticks around then the space really will never again only belong to the resident cat." - No, they will still own the territory and have something positive in addition to that territory.

"Is that why site and scent swapping is important?" - Yes, to make positive associations and positive encounters. When all is good and something else good is added it is great.

"So the more T is running around in K's space, the more the space also smells like T, but if it's still primarily K's territory then it gives K time to get used to T (surrounded by her scent)?" - Exactly. K will smell T and all will be good since there is no negativity so there is a positive association and more trust and acceptance.

"K seems to get agitated whenever she sees T though, and doesn't seem to care much about the scent side of things." - It always starts with scent and that gets accepted first as nothing can be negative since the cat is not around. Then with sight it takes time as their is still a question whether the new cat will attack, take food away, etc.

""pawing is normal" do you mean in this stage of introductions?" - Yes, very normal behavior.

"Or do you mean that it's something that all cats do even after they've successfully been introduced to each other?" - I didn't mean this but yes some cats will paw at each other after a successful intro. Most of the time to play but sometimes just to get the other cat to stop unacceptable (to the cat) behavior. Cats sometimes paw. In isolation it is not a big deal. It is what else happens that tells us what is going on.

"We are continuing to try to distract K whenever T is near." - Great. Keep doing that.

:T is very cautious with K, probably because she doesn't want to be pawed at." - Normal and that non-aggressive response will help build trust with K showing T does not mean harm.

"Whenever the pawing happens now it's because we weren't watching K like a hawk and T suddenly decided to come closer, or we were sitting just out of arm's reach of the treats/not fast enough with the distracting." - Totally normal. K just needs to trust that T doesn't mean any harm.

"This happened today while T was out in the living room, I didn't expect T to come over while I was trying to play with K with a wand toy, and I didn't have the treats near me. I think T came over too fast, and K was already on edge due to the playing, and although I tried waving the toy in her face she opted to ignore that and paw at T instead." - You don't have video of this? It doesn't sound too bad. how aggressive was K? It would be normal for a resident cat to respond this way. interestingly, T doesn't seem to have much fear of K. Is T did she wouldn't have come so close. Positive.

1st Video - Positive. K looks fine, T looks fine. K looks more play. I don't see attack/negativity in K.

2nd Video - This is awesome. T playing, K looks great, great body language. And look at how K responds to the toy and wants to play. WOW!!! THAT was positive!!!! K does not appear to be aggressive or have bad body language at all.

3rd Video - I love this. This is exploring, playing. K's body language is play, not aggressive. Look how K moves forward a bit then relaxes. This is not a cat that wants to kill T. Cats LOVE to play like this. They hide and then jump out. This is fun stuff for a cat. Then T runs away (acts like prey) and K does really well. This video tells us a lot as well. I don't see anything negative.

"After this happened we were excited that it was a huge positive, but then a bit later the pawing happened as described above. Do you think negative actions "cancel" out positive ones?" - I would have to see how they interact after the pawing but given there has been pawing before all 3 videos and all 3 videos are positive I would answer no. Pawing would not cancel out the positives.

"Or is it still good that this happened?" - Good that there was pawing?Well, we want the pawing to stop but I am not worried about it.

I have to go and don;t have a lot of time to respond to your latest posts but I want to say this about the pictures and videos in your last post.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!? K is grooming with T at the gate?!?!?!?!?

Look at how relaxed K and T are in both videos. I actually came to tears seeing these videos!!! I am so happy right now. I KNOW now that they are going to get along!! WHOA, I am emotional about this I can;t imagine how much emotion you are going through. These videos just made my day. I wasn't worried before but now I am certain all is going to be well. We have work to do but a bell just rung for me. I think you turned a corner. There will be ups and downs but you are going to succeed. I am 100% convinced now. But we have to do our work.

THANKS for making my day. Will respond to the last post details later just in case there is something in there. I just don't have time right now to read them.

 

[cat nap]

Is it really? I thought it looked so funny when T froze when K looked up but I didn't know that it was playing.
I wish I could let T out into the living room by myself during the day but it's a two-person ordeal...I feel like it works better during the day, when K is sleepier.
It's cuter knowing that T was trying to play!

Yes, I thought that part was funny, too, where T freezes. I also liked the part, around the 26.00s mark, where T peeks around the rice bag, then backs up, by crossing her front paws, walking backwards while looking forward, and then decides to turn and run.
It's really cute, and you really notice it, when you slow the gif down.

Yeah, having two people there does make it easier, if one cat decides to jump the gate. I'm actually surprised that neither cat has tried it yet. I remember you said the gate was about 4-5 feet, but really, for a cat that is not that high. Cats can easily scale 5-6 feet, so perhaps both your cats are just being smart, and getting more used to their surroundings, before they attempt any climbing or jumping.
Either that, or both cats really, really, listen to you both extremely well. (this last sentence would be hard for me to believe, though...because they're cats.)

Did you also notice in the 1st GIF, from the saturday 5:52pm series, that T actually walks away, and marks the wall with her tail, right near the end of the gif. I think that both cats are constantly marking their locations, since I read that cats can scent mark with the bottom of their paws, cheeks, tails....so I think that it's very beneficial for both cats to walk all over the home.

cat nap said:
I'd like to see the pawing reduced in intensity, coming from K, and then I'd be comfortable with the next steps.

...Or, at the very least, if she would do the pawing without the vocalizing (which happens sometimes already)?

Yes, reducing both would be nice.

cat nap said:

If K allows you, then you could try to give her claws a trim, just on the tips.

We plan to do this whenever we get to the point of them meeting. T just doesn't stay still long enough for us to try with her, but we've been trying to get her used to us touching her paws during mealtimes (she pulls away ).
K, we can do very slowly if she is especially sleepy.

I think that during mealtimes would be too difficult to do....but like you mentioned with K....just try when T is sleeping, or sleepy....just start by touching, then stroking, then handling her paws. The more used to your touch, all over, the better it will be for her....plus you'll learn to see which places she likes to be patted and which she doesn't.

You are welcome, haha, I think you would find K funny if you could meet her. She is very bratty...

haha...."bratty, beautiful, and bold"....that is what K looks like to me.

Yes, I did see that she was following the toy! After I took the video I played with her (different wand toy) and she did sort of go after it a bit, but shortly after that was when she pawed at the gate.

Would you by any chance be able to post some video or GIFs of K playing?
I kind of would like to see how intensely K plays.
(If you can get more 'pawing videos'...then that would be great, too...but I know....t's difficult to get...because it happens too fast.)

 

[cat nap]

cat nap I moved K over for dinner today and we fed T at the bottom of the stairs. K ate almost all of her food, she left some scraps - hard to tell if she did that because she wasn't as hungry, or if she was feeling edgy about being moved.
(When we were trying to feed her upstairs before, for the "two sides of the door" thing, she started leaving larger and larger portions of her food before refusing to go upstairs...so we'll see if she keeps eating all her food downstairs even if we move her further into the hallway.)

This is about halfway between her usual place and the gate, it's the first place where she might have line of sight to T if she wanted. I'll admit to being impatient about it because I probably should have moved from her original location inches at a time...
To me it seemed like she didn't notice or pay attention to T at all, she was just confused why I moved from her regular location. But she has much sharper senses than I do so I expect she did know T was eating nearby.

(You can just see T peering over the rice bag in the back.)

Yeah, if you find that K keeps leaving food, more and more, then I wouldn't bother with the bowls moving around.
It probably does confuse K, and she's wondering why her humans suddenly decide to move the bowls around....when they were perfectly fine, in their original locations.
It's supposed to get them to associate the food... as being good....with the other cat ....as being good.
Also, to feel more, and more relaxed around the other cat.

In K's mind, she's probably wondering "that her humans are strange....and the next food placement will probably be on the t.v. or something." "...first the humans move things around, then they take all these 'paparazzi photos'....so what's next." lol.

A acari ....You're much more patient than I am...my food location...would have been in that hallway or near the rice bag. (oops. So much for not doing things in steps. )

Haha...I now do see T peering over that rice bag in the back. Thanks for pointing that out. So cute.

(ps. I just noticed that door by the rice bag. Does that door lead to a bathroom or closet?
If it swings into the hallway, ...then maybe you could rig up that gate, with the door open...so that you don't always have to move the gate...only have to move the door? It all depends on where the door leads, and how it swings...I suppose.)
But it's still easier to have 2 people available for the cat intros....so just carry on....whatever you're doing is working.

 

[cat nap]

So this was at least 5 full minutes of K being completely chill with T there. We didn't make her come over, she decided to do it on her own and stayed even though we only gave her two treats through that whole time (since she wasn't asking and seemed calm)!
You can almost see it in the shorter GIF but she was also slow blinking a lot throughout, at me and at T. But I think T was probably staring back, which I think makes K confused.

At the beginning, they did play a game of "I'm not looking at you" where their heads were moving in sync so that when K was looking at T, T was looking away - when T turned to look at K, K turned to look away...it was funny.

I am, to borrow cat nap 's earlier phrasing, over the moon that this happened again tonight. But I'm realistic so I am sure we will go back to pawing, I think K just happens to be in a very charitable and affectionate mood today. I'll take what I can get.

Ummm...yeah...make room for all of us on that shuttle to the moon...because yeah...totally flying over it....watching those last Gifs and photos.
And also....no need to read my previous two posts....nothing really important there.
After seeing this...I think you all deserve a week of total relaxation, with the feet up, and chilling with the cats.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!? K is grooming with T at the gate?!?!?!?!?

Look at how relaxed K and T are in both videos. I actually came to tears seeing these videos!!! I am so happy right now. I KNOW now that they are going to get along!! WHOA, I am emotional about this I can;t imagine how much emotion you are going through. These videos just made my day. I wasn't worried before but now I am certain all is going to be well. We have work to do but a bell just rung for me. I think you turned a corner. There will be ups and downs but you are going to succeed. I am 100% convinced now. But we have to do our work.

...I couldn't have said it any better.

 

[acari]

I only have a minute here as I have a busy day si I have to make this fast. Will try to respond more fully later or tomorrow.

Thank you for always taking the time to respond to me so thoroughly even though you're busy!

Exactly. K will smell T and all will be good since there is no negativity so there is a positive association and more trust and acceptance.

Maybe the longer sessions of letting T out into the living room is helping with this then. We're trying to do two sessions a day while we can but my partner, who has been working from home, has to return to the office on Thursday. Boo...

You don't have video of this? It doesn't sound too bad. how aggressive was K? It would be normal for a resident cat to respond this way.

No, I don't, I was completely not ready and was trying to distract K with a toy at that time instead of grabbing my phone. But it was very similar to the first video (not GIF) I posted, sound included.

3rd Video - I love this. This is exploring, playing. K's body language is play, not aggressive. Look how K moves forward a bit then relaxes.

Good to have an extra person confirm that this is playing, not that I didn't believe cat nap ! And I did notice K relaxing purposefully but wasn't sure if it was still part of playing, or if she just felt like settling at that moment.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!? K is grooming with T at the gate?!?!?!?!?

Is the grooming a big deal? I was under the impression that cats just groom whenever based on what I've seen of K and T, because they did it even when they first arrived, even if they were scared and unfamiliar with the new place (and us).

I also liked the part, around the 26.00s mark, where T peeks around the rice bag, then backs up, by crossing her front paws, walking backwards while looking forward, and then decides to turn and run.
It's really cute, and you really notice it, when you slow the gif down.

Cute!! I didn't notice until you mentioned.

I'm actually surprised that neither cat has tried it yet. I remember you said the gate was about 4-5 feet, but really, for a cat that is not that high. Cats can easily scale 5-6 feet, so perhaps both your cats are just being smart, and getting more used to their surroundings, before they attempt any climbing or jumping.

I read that 4-5' is like the minimum you must have for a cat. So just one dog/baby gate is never enough, because they're short - and I know that to be true because T jumped our cardboard "gate" that one time with ease.
The gate itself is that tall but we've taken to stacking another two feet of cardboard on top, to discourage them from considering jumping.
Anyway - K is very lazy about jumping and is actually very good about understanding where she can and can't go. I feel very lucky that she's well behaved in that way. I mentioned before that the cats are not allowed in our bedroom; K ran in there once, on the second day after she arrived, but we scooped her up and put her back outside without issue. And after a day or two of us waiting very patiently for her to leave or lie down before opening the door and entering/exiting, she has never tried to go in again.
Before T arrived she had a habit of politely, but loudly, meowing for food right outside of our door in the morning, but she still never wanted to run in. But she has mostly stopped this now because she doesn't like to be upstairs anymore.
I'm not sure if T is aware that she could jump that high. She's very strong for her size, I feel, but she only climbs up on taller items if she can hang on with her claws and sort of pull herself up. Maybe when she is older, bigger, and/or more brave she will drive us nuts by trying to jump all over everything?
Not that you asked for all of this backstory...

Did you also notice in the 1st GIF, from the saturday 5:52pm series, that T actually walks away, and marks the wall with her tail, right near the end of the gif. I think that both cats are constantly marking their locations, since I read that cats can scent mark with the bottom of their paws, cheeks, tails....so I think that it's very beneficial for both cats to walk all over the home.

I didn't notice actually! But T is consistent about marking everything a lot, and with a lot of force (basically headbutting the wall sometimes). K is much more reserved but she does like to brush her tail directly onto our faces, so she does her marking too, I guess!

I think that during mealtimes would be too difficult to do....but like you mentioned with K....just try when T is sleeping, or sleepy....just start by touching, then stroking, then handling her paws. The more used to your touch, all over, the better it will be for her....plus you'll learn to see which places she likes to be patted and which she doesn't.

T just doesn't stay still long enough other than during feeding for us to touch her paws, and I think she is only just starting to feel comfortable being sleepy outside of her little house. Actually, yesterday night was only the first or second time she's dozed off on the stair landing!
I have a picture:

I think she's pooped from running around like crazy when she's let out into the living room. Which is why we want to do it more, we want to tire her out...
But yes, whenever she is comfortable enough to sleep near us, we will try to touch her paws then!

haha...."bratty, beautiful, and bold"....that is what K looks like to me.

You are right on the money with that description!!

Would you by any chance be able to post some video or GIFs of K playing?
I kind of would like to see how intensely K plays.

Let me see if I have older clips for you, I'll put them in another post.

(ps. I just noticed that door by the rice bag. Does that door lead to a bathroom or closet?
If it swings into the hallway, ...then maybe you could rig up that gate, with the door open...so that you don't always have to move the gate...only have to move the door? It all depends on where the door leads, and how it swings...I suppose.)

It leads to a closet and does swing out into the hallway. But I don't know how we would block off the part of the hall that the door doesn't cover? Maybe with the gate...? But then T would have access to the closet, and it's a really deep one...so it might be hard to get her out of there...
It's food for thought though, I will brainstorm. Thank you for the suggestion!

And also....no need to read my previous two posts....nothing really important there.

Everything you say is important! Thank you so much for reading and responding! I don't really have people to discuss all of this cat stuff with so I'm really grateful.

==========

We had another daytime session of letting T romp around in the living room and no pawing happened from K, though maybe I distracted her with treats one or two times when she was about to? Not sure.

K is very interested in toys that T is being played with on the other side, and not in the one on her own side. We tried switched toys in case she wanted the toy, but she kept watching the one T was playing with.
Also not sure if this means anything. Is she being competitive about the toy...?

K's "mermaid" position watching T (I think she wanted to be close but didn't like stepping on the chicken wire):

 

[calicosrspecial]

You are welcome.

"Maybe the longer sessions of letting T out into the living room is helping with this then." - I think so as well as all the work near the gate. It is all about positive associations and positive encounters. You are doing great.

"We're trying to do two sessions a day while we can but my partner, who has been working from home, has to return to the office on Thursday. Boo... " - That is great (2 sessions per day). Well, it has to happen. Just keep doing what you are doing as much as possible. Even if they are just sleeping and hanging out in peace it is positive.

"No, I don't, I was completely not ready and was trying to distract K with a toy at that time instead of grabbing my phone. But it was very similar to the first video (not GIF) I posted, sound included." - Yes, it is hard to get the video but if it was about the same as the first video then it isn't anything to worry about.
"Good to have an extra person confirm that this is playing, not that I didn't believe cat nap cat nap ! And I did notice K relaxing purposefully but wasn't sure if it was still part of playing, or if she just felt like settling at that moment." - Agreed, catnap is great. It was q a wonderful video.

"Is the grooming a big deal? I was under the impression that cats just groom whenever based on what I've seen of K and T, because they did it even when they first arrived, even if they were scared and unfamiliar with the new place (and us)." - ABSOLUTELY. It was relaxed and confident grooming. It was like "all is good". It is the best sign of progress I have seen to date. Total trust. Those videos were amazing. The body language, everything. was just so heartening. This is why video is so important. To see the body language. I was always confident they will get together but when I saw these videos I now know it. Yes, we still have to do the work but seeing how they were there it was like the bell rang. It is hard to explain but when you go through intros there is that moment that you "see the light" and you just know it is going to be fine. You don't think it anymore you know it. It doesn't mean it happens right away but you know how it ends. It is a really special moment.

"Maybe when she is older, bigger, and/or more brave she will drive us nuts by trying to jump all over everything?" - yes she probably will.

"But T is consistent about marking everything a lot, and with a lot of force (basically headbutting the wall sometimes). K is much more reserved but she does like to brush her tail directly onto our faces, so she does her marking too" - That is so cute. I think they like their new home and new family!!

"We had another daytime session of letting T romp around in the living room and no pawing happened from K, though maybe I distracted her with treats one or two times when she was about to? Not sure." - GREAT!!! Distracting is fine. Anytime they are together and there is positive association and positive encounters. Avoiding a pawing (a potential negative) is a positive and helps build that trust. Good job!!

"K is very interested in toys that T is being played with on the other side, and not in the one on her own side. We tried switched toys in case she wanted the toy, but she kept watching the one T was playing with." - Yep, that is what cats do with toys or food. The grass is always greener on the other side!!! If the cat is focused on the toy rather than the other cat it is a positive. That is what we want. For a cat to find a toy more interesting than the other cat.

K is so ADORABLE!! So is T. They are absolutely gorgeous. I can see how you fell in love with them!!

 

[acari]

Yes, it is hard to get the video but if it was about the same as the first video then it isn't anything to worry about.

K hasn't yet done anything worse or for much longer than already shown.
Today she did some more pawing but interestingly enough without any sounds and she didn't seem to be as agitated as before. And T is starting to stay in place though she does get surprised.

ABSOLUTELY. It was relaxed and confident grooming. It was like "all is good". It is the best sign of progress I have seen to date. Total trust.

That's good to know! T has definitely cleaned at the gate before this, K had only done it further away. I didn't know that it's a "positive" so I'll keep an eye out for it.

Yep, that is what cats do with toys or food. The grass is always greener on the other side!!! If the cat is focused on the toy rather than the other cat it is a positive. That is what we want. For a cat to find a toy more interesting than the other cat.

I have been trying to see if K is focused on the toy instead of T but it's hard to tell. I think she's mostly following the toy but not always...but she doesn't always follow the toy when we try to play with her too.

K is so ADORABLE!! So is T. They are absolutely gorgeous. I can see how you fell in love with them!!

Thank you! They are a handful but it will be much easier once they are friends, with your help!

==========

Updates: We let T out into the living room for about 3.5 hours today and it went mostly well.
Like I just said, K did paw at the gate (too fast for me to film) but without any sound, and she seemed more annoyed than nervous/worried/anxious to see T. T had come all the way up to the gate to peer at her while she was snoozing in her hammock and it really seemed like K was telling her to leave her alone.

K has taken to turkeying and watching at the gate at the beginning of these sessions, and she stays if T is being played with, but if there is no toy involved K will leave (bored, I expect).

There was a fair amount of T "hiding" behind the stair and bathroom entrances to look at K, and K turkeyed and looked away a lot, which looked like it was on purpose. Maybe she was trying to get T to come closer? Either to play, or to teach a lesson?



In the GIF below, K is wandering around out of sight, T comes up to the gate to look for her.
K comes back around, sees T, and sort of makes motions like she's going to paw at T, but not sure, because my partner intervenes.
T is already running away out of reach.
My partner tries to comfort K and K kind of accepts it, because before she would have ducked away instantly.
K walks behind the rice bag and I can't really see what she's doing, then she walks off and around to her food dish.
T trots up to the gate to see what K is doing. When she flops over, it's because K has turned to look at her, then K eats some kibble off-screen.
What do the experts have to say about this GIF?


Finally: We left the gate up with T in the living room until dinner, so we fed them like in the GIF below.
Surprisingly, K didn't seem to care at all and just ate her food steadily, which she didn't do before when we were trying to do this upstairs with the door to T's safe room.
What's interesting to me is that T is checking behind her a lot, at my partner moving around and I think also at K.

 

[cat nap]

I read that 4-5' is like the minimum you must have for a cat. So just one dog/baby gate is never enough, because they're short - and I know that to be true because T jumped our cardboard "gate" that one time with ease.
The gate itself is that tall but we've taken to stacking another two feet of cardboard on top, to discourage them from considering jumping.
Anyway - K is very lazy about jumping and is actually very good about understanding where she can and can't go. I feel very lucky that she's well behaved in that way. I mentioned before that the cats are not allowed in our bedroom; K ran in there once, on the second day after she arrived, but we scooped her up and put her back outside without issue. And after a day or two of us waiting very patiently for her to leave or lie down before opening the door and entering/exiting, she has never tried to go in again.
Before T arrived she had a habit of politely, but loudly, meowing for food right outside of our door in the morning, but she still never wanted to run in. But she has mostly stopped this now because she doesn't like to be upstairs anymore.
I'm not sure if T is aware that she could jump that high. She's very strong for her size, I feel, but she only climbs up on taller items if she can hang on with her claws and sort of pull herself up. Maybe when she is older, bigger, and/or more brave she will drive us nuts by trying to jump all over everything?
Not that you asked for all of this backstory...

I love the backstory. It gets me to understand K and T much better. Plus,...it's just entertaining and informative, too.
I'm not sure if T will 'try' to jump all over everything, when she's older and stronger, ...probably yes....but as long as you have 'good escape routes' planned, and she gets to use that tall cat tree, which was originally K's, not to mention that she'll also adopt the 'listening' attitude of K, eventually.

If you notice on the video, the one where T was looking down and got pawed at by K, T actually reacts first to K, but then flicks her ear up, and listens to your partner's "hey" sound. That tells me, that she will likely be a very attentive cat. Of course, in the midst of playing, there is likely to be a lot of running, jumping, and accidentally knocking things down. So we humans adjust, and don't keep anything sentimental and breakable, in reach of our cats. It's just stuff, anyhow.

K is much more reserved but she does like to brush her tail directly onto our faces, so she does her marking too, I guess!

Lol. ..."brush her tail directly onto our faces"...
(Yup, my female, Tepaul, ....loves to do that, too. It's annoying when you're trying to watch t.v.)

T just doesn't stay still long enough other than during feeding for us to touch her paws, and I think she is only just starting to feel comfortable being sleepy outside of her little house. Actually, yesterday night was only the first or second time she's dozed off on the stair landing!
I have a picture:

I think she's pooped from running around like crazy when she's let out into the living room. Which is why we want to do it more, we want to tire her out...
But yes, whenever she is comfortable enough to sleep near us, we will try to touch her paws then!

Adorable. Looks kind of like a 'guard cat' laying outside her cat house. Relaxed and peaceful.
That's an interesting place to sleep. I'd think she'd want more of a quiet place, but then again, she can still keep an eye on 'upstairs and downstairs'....very strategic.

It leads to a closet and does swing out into the hallway. But I don't know how we would block off the part of the hall that the door doesn't cover? Maybe with the gate...? But then T would have access to the closet, and it's a really deep one...so it might be hard to get her out of there...
It's food for thought though, I will brainstorm. Thank you for the suggestion!

Yes, I was thinking with the gate,...but now that you mentioned a deep closet....maybe not the best idea, unless you can design something that blocks off the closet entrance, when door is opened.
(I forgot that my cats when small, would love to sleep in the closet, either by the shoes near the back door, or climb up over the coats. And still now, they like the bottom of closets...quiet and dark.)
So maybe cats climbing and hiding in closets, at this stage, is not so good.
Cats love to explore, so I could see this happening quickly. Back to the old chalkboard, and brainstorm away.

Everything you say is important! Thank you so much for reading and responding! I don't really have people to discuss all of this cat stuff with so I'm really grateful.

"Everything you say is important! "....haha....I'm just going to have to remember to put this phrase up on my 'motivational corkboard' wall, for 2020!
(If you ask my sister and cousin, especially if they are watching their favourite t.v. programs...then you'd get the 'opposite answer'.
My other cousin, and myself, are only allowed to make comments during commercial breaks. If the program is on dvd, then the rule sometimes applies more, and not less.)

We had another daytime session of letting T romp around in the living room and no pawing happened from K, though maybe I distracted her with treats one or two times when she was about to? Not sure.

K is very interested in toys that T is being played with on the other side, and not in the one on her own side. We tried switched toys in case she wanted the toy, but she kept watching the one T was playing with.
Also not sure if this means anything. Is she being competitive about the toy...?

K's "mermaid" position watching T (I think she wanted to be close but didn't like stepping on the chicken wire):

I love how you come up with different, unique descriptions on the various cat body postures that K maintains.
It definitely looks like a 'mermaid' position.

Not sure if K is being 'competitive' about the toy,... but possibly K is more interested in the toy that T is playing with,... because it is actually moving? As in, T is getting the toy to move.
(It would be sort of like practicing for a sport, like basketball or soccer, where you're practicing, too....but step back to admire another person's form, and carry-through, ...being it throwing, or kicking.)

With cats, they are far more interested in moving toys, and also in another moving cat,....so I take it, that this is enjoyable and fascinating for K to watch. K's also probably studying T's moves...(and of course....critiquing them in her own head. okay, ...maybe not this last part....but I can hear it happening.)

 

[calicosrspecial]

"K hasn't yet done anything worse or for much longer than already shown." - GREAT.

"Today she did some more pawing but interestingly enough without any sounds and she didn't seem to be as agitated as before. And T is starting to stay in place though she does get surprised." - that is great on two fronts. K is not that agitated so she is starting to get more accepting and T is trusting more. Whether there is a gate or not the trust is in the other cat more than any barrier. This is how we do it, step by step to build trust.

"T has definitely cleaned at the gate before this, K had only done it further away. I didn't know that it's a "positive" so I'll keep an eye out for it." - It was a great sign. Great action along with the body language. We always look at signs to see what is in their minds. This was a great sign.

"I have been trying to see if K is focused on the toy instead of T but it's hard to tell. I think she's mostly following the toy but not always...but she doesn't always follow the toy when we try to play with her too." - If K is focused on the toy it is exactly what we want. They wont always but if they do at times it is still great. Getting the focus off the other cat is another sign of trust building because no cat would take their eyes of a potential threat. And looking away builds trust. A lot of positives.

"Like I just said, K did paw at the gate (too fast for me to film) but without any sound, and she seemed more annoyed than nervous/worried/anxious to see T. T had come all the way up to the gate to peer at her while she was snoozing in her hammock and it really seemed like K was telling her to leave her alone." - I would have to see it but it doesn't sound bad at all. Just normal for a cat that still needs to build that trust and acceptance.

"K has taken to turkeying and watching at the gate at the beginning of these sessions" -Totally normal.

"and she stays if T is being played with, but if there is no toy involved K will leave (bored, I expect)." - And her leaving is very positive. Means she is willing to leave as T must not be a threat. Which is what we want her to learn and trust.

"There was a fair amount of T "hiding" behind the stair and bathroom entrances to look at K, and K turkeyed and looked away a lot, which looked like it was on purpose. Maybe she was trying to get T to come closer? Either to play, or to teach a lesson?" - Probably wanting to play. But I would have to see it. I see cats do this all the time. They are checking the other cat out, observing. And anytime nothing negative comes out of it (an attack etc) then it is a positive that builds more trust which is our ultimate goal. I would say t is a positive.

Video 1 - K looks focused on T. T body language is good. But then T goes behind the wall and K looks away. YES!!! In the early part of that video I would reassure K that "everything is ok" in a calm, confident, loving tone. But overall, no negativity which is a positive.

Video 2 - K comes walking up tail high (confident) and T is at the gate. K looks to paw a little (not at all aggressively) and a nice distraction happens. WELL DONE!! T runs away and K looks really good. Tail up, calm, confident. Then K kinda hides behind the rice bag and looks for T (again with great body language, does not appear aggressive to me). Then K walks away and T runs to the gate (not something a cat that is afraid would do).K I think see T at the gate and doesn't really care (YES!!!). T's body language is positive. Video ends. I would call this positive. I always watch how the cats respond to tell me what they are thinking. I saw a lot of positives here. We have some work to do but nothing out of the ordinary. I like where they are.

3rd Last Video - This is EXACTLY what we want to do. positive associations (food), positive encounter. Look at K. Eating, not caring about T. Enjoying something positive with T right there. Keep doing this and moving the food a little closer each time. We would like them to be eating on each side of the gate in a few weeks. LOVE this, this is exactly what we want and is perfect!!!

They are going to be fine. Great update.

 

[cat nap]

There was a fair amount of T "hiding" behind the stair and bathroom entrances to look at K, and K turkeyed and looked away a lot, which looked like it was on purpose. Maybe she was trying to get T to come closer? Either to play, or to teach a lesson?

It's possible that K wanted T to come closer, ...more so in the 2nd gif.

My take on the 1st Gif, would be something like this:

T trots out all happy-go-lucky, and says, "Oh, Hi K, how's it going, today? What's with the subtle slight head going down.
You look kind of grumpy, but no matter.
What's that over there, did you hear that? (at the 6.40s mark) No? Okay, no matter.
Well, I'm just going to go about my business, today, and you know, ...scent mark the place. It's what I do.
Okay, then, have a good day, and I'll just mosey on by, and continue with my work."

K's reaction: "Oh, no. Here's T for Trouble, again. I'll just take my position and act like a statue, to observe what she does now.
Why are you constantly dressed in that black tuxedo, like Blake Lively in the movie A Simple Favor (2018)? I'm no anna kendrick, but I am entirely on to you. Oh, look everybody, T is again scent marking (around the 22.60s mark) No surprise there.
Sure, walk away with your gorgeous white gloves and white boots on, ...I'm still on to you."

A acari ....I'm sure that K and T are not this way, and rather just observing each other, as cats will do.
(just a fun take, on a cute gif.)

In the GIF below, K is wandering around out of sight, T comes up to the gate to look for her.
K comes back around, sees T, and sort of makes motions like she's going to paw at T, but not sure, because my partner intervenes.
T is already running away out of reach.
My partner tries to comfort K and K kind of accepts it, because before she would have ducked away instantly.
K walks behind the rice bag and I can't really see what she's doing, then she walks off and around to her food dish.
T trots up to the gate to see what K is doing. When she flops over, it's because K has turned to look at her, then K eats some kibble off-screen.
What do the experts have to say about this GIF?

The 2nd Gif is my favorite. So much action happening.
I think T is becoming an expert in watching K's paws. T chooses to run as soon as she sees K move those paws closer to the gate.

I love how your partner, reassures K, pats her, and then K turns. It's as if K wanted to say, "no, really, I was just going to touch noses, but jumpy T, just ran away."
We then see T behind the scratching board, like 10 feet away. lol.
T then proceeds to go up to the gate, since she has to see what that K is up to.
Ahhh, T just relaxes at the gate, while K is busy eating.

Totally amazing, how their interactions are going. They really want to engage with each other, which is excellent to see.
And if you notice, that the fear in both cats is going down.

Finally: We left the gate up with T in the living room until dinner, so we fed them like in the GIF below.
Surprisingly, K didn't seem to care at all and just ate her food steadily, which she didn't do before when we were trying to do this upstairs with the door to T's safe room.
What's interesting to me is that T is checking behind her a lot, at my partner moving around and I think also at K.

Yeah, this gif video is really good, too. It's great that K is eating her food steadily.
Like you pointed out, too, I also think that K is checking the sound of her other human walking behind there, and also keeping the ears open for noises from K, too.

I find it interesting how both cats have had their backs turned toward the other cat while they are eating.

In the previous gif, it was K that had her back turned toward T....but now it's T who eats with her back turned.
That must mean something, too, but I'm not sure what. Were they protecting their bowls from the other cat, or are they just relaxed to be eating this way, or maybe it's another way to feel more relaxed without looking at the other cat. I'm just not sure.

 

[calicosrspecial]

"In the previous gif, it was K that had her back turned toward T....but now it's T who eats with her back turned.That must mean something, too, but I'm not sure what. Were they protecting their bowls from the other cat, or are they just relaxed to be eating this way, or maybe it's another way to feel more relaxed without looking at the other cat." - It means there is trust. NO cat would ever turn their back on a potential threat. Sure T looked back a few times just to make sure but the fact no negativity happened it is another positive and another brick in the trust wall.

As a side note, one of my ferals ALWAYS comes over, rubs on my leg then faces away from me to eat his meal. I don;t always like it as I sometimes get a feral cat tail in my face but it is his way. He totally trusts.

Catnap writes "Totally amazing, how their interactions are going. They really want to engage with each other, which is excellent to see.
And if you notice, that the fear in both cats is going down." - TOTALLY AGREE!!

I love what catnap wrote her:

"My take on the 1st Gif, would be something like this:

T trots out all happy-go-lucky, and says, "Oh, Hi K, how's it going, today? What's with the subtle slight head going down.
You look kind of grumpy, but no matter.
What's that over there, did you hear that? (at the 6.40s mark) No? Okay, no matter.
Well, I'm just going to go about my business, today, and you know, ...scent mark the place. It's what I do.
Okay, then, have a good day, and I'll just mosey on by, and continue with my work."

K's reaction: "Oh, no. Here's T for Trouble, again. I'll just take my position and act like a statue, to observe what she does now.
Why are you constantly dressed in that black tuxedo, like Blake Lively in the movie A Simple Favor (2018)? I'm no anna kendrick, but I am entirely on to you. Oh, look everybody, T is again scent marking (around the 22.60s mark) No surprise there.
Sure, walk away with your gorgeous white gloves and white boots on, ...I'm still on to you." "

That was CLASSIC. We need to you to write books with cat characters!! Educational and fun!!

 

[cat nap]

"In the previous gif, it was K that had her back turned toward T....but now it's T who eats with her back turned.That must mean something, too, but I'm not sure what. Were they protecting their bowls from the other cat, or are they just relaxed to be eating this way, or maybe it's another way to feel more relaxed without looking at the other cat." - It means there is trust. NO cat would ever turn their back on a potential threat. Sure T looked back a few times just to make sure but the fact no negativity happened it is another positive and another brick in the trust wall.

As a side note, one of my ferals ALWAYS comes over, rubs on my leg then faces away from me to eat his meal. I don;t always like it as I sometimes get a feral cat tail in my face but it is his way. He totally trusts.

Thanks for that explanation C calicosrspecial ...about cats having trust, ...and showing this by not turning their backs on potential threats.

" ... as I sometimes get a feral cat tail in my face but it is his way. He totally trusts."
That sounds adorable, cute, and funny, too.
I can just picture it happening, and wonder what the other ferals are saying about the whole "feral tail in the face" movement.

"Is the grooming a big deal? I was under the impression that cats just groom whenever based on what I've seen of K and T, because they did it even when they first arrived, even if they were scared and unfamiliar with the new place (and us)." - ABSOLUTELY. It was relaxed and confident grooming. It was like "all is good". It is the best sign of progress I have seen to date. Total trust. Those videos were amazing. The body language, everything. was just so heartening. This is why video is so important. To see the body language. I was always confident they will get together but when I saw these videos I now know it. Yes, we still have to do the work but seeing how they were there it was like the bell rang. It is hard to explain but when you go through intros there is that moment that you "see the light" and you just know it is going to be fine. You don't think it anymore you know it. It doesn't mean it happens right away but you know how it ends. It is a really special moment.

I also didn't know about all the differences in 'displays of grooming', from nervous, to relaxed and confident, to fully trusting.
It really helps that you point out all the subtle changes of a cat's body language.
I'm learning a lot.

Catnap writes "Totally amazing, how their interactions are going. They really want to engage with each other, which is excellent to see.
And if you notice, that the fear in both cats is going down." - TOTALLY AGREE!!

I just find it amazing how the initial changes may seem to be so very slow, and then like you mentioned C calicosrspecial , the cats seem to turn a corner, and get more relaxed. It's really awesome to see that happen.

I love what catnap wrote her:
"My take on the 1st Gif, would be something like this:
...
....
That was CLASSIC. We need to you to write books with cat characters!! Educational and fun!!

Haha... Thank you.
A acari actually started it, with the internal thought process of K, in a few posts, ago.
I just ran with the idea.

"We need to you to write books with cat characters!! Educational and fun!!"
I think we all three would have to collaborate on these type of books, then.
A acari can do all the visuals, and gifs, and supply the gorgeous cats, or the inspiration behind the books.
You, C calicosrspecial would supply the 'educational' and 'factual parts'. All the knowlege parts.
I can do the 'fun'. lol.

Seriously, though, I wonder if books with 'gifs' exist out there.
This series sounds brilliant, to me. (I only ever listen to audiobooks, now, ...so will have to research if 'gifs and online books' are a possibility. )

 

[acari]

So maybe cats climbing and hiding in closets, at this stage, is not so good.
Cats love to explore, so I could see this happening quickly. Back to the old chalkboard, and brainstorm away.

K is very good about exploring the closet, she sometimes dashes in there to sniff around, sometimes calmly strolling in, but she almost always comes out when I ask her to. Of course, she waits a few moments to make sure I don't think she's leaving because I asked...but because she wanted to at that time...
But T, who would be the one to worry about, I feel like would hide in there and not come out if she got spooked. So I'm still thinking about possibilities for blocking the closet like you mentioned.

K's also probably studying T's moves...(and of course....critiquing them in her own head. okay, ...maybe not this last part....but I can hear it happening.)

I actually kind of think so! She has gotten slightly more friendly when she sees T playing and I think it's because she has seen that T is not as great a "hunter" as she is. She totally would judge T on T's reaction times (ex. "I would catch that so much faster").

A acari ....I'm sure that K and T are not this way, and rather just observing each other, as cats will do.
(just a fun take, on a cute gif.)

It was so fun and funny to read! Thank you for it!! And pretty accurate too, I think!

I think we all three would have to collaborate on these type of books, then.
A acari A acari can do all the visuals, and gifs, and supply the gorgeous cats, or the inspiration behind the books.
You, C calicosrspecial C calicosrspecial would supply the 'educational' and 'factual parts'. All the knowlege parts.
I can do the 'fun'. lol.

Seriously, though, I wonder if books with 'gifs' exist out there.
This series sounds brilliant, to me. (I only ever listen to audiobooks, now, ...so will have to research if 'gifs and online books' are a possibility. )

A "thecatsite" online guidebook to cat care with GIFs of cat actions sourced from forum members would be pretty awesome, actually. You guys have all the knowledge and everyone else has no shortage of cats to video.

==========

Updates: T is crying a lot more and gets really sad if the gate is up at the bottom of the stairs and not "open" to the living room. But, she's pretty comfortable in the living room area now and does settle down to rest (instead of running wild the entire time she's out...you can use kitten energy to power the planet apparently).

K "pawed" twice at the gate. I wasn't looking both times but my partner saw, and he reports that the pawing was very slow and not even close to aggressive (though she clearly still wanted to communicate something to T). And no accompanying sounds from K. T still backed away a bit but she still shows interest in coming up to the gate to see what K is doing.
cat nap You were right, the negative actions from K are indeed lessening! When you initially said it I kind of didn't believe that it would de-escalate, or at least anytime soon...but we really are making progress!

They also ate dinner a bit closer together today and while K flicked her eyes up every now and then to check on T, and T checked behind her at K a few times, they both ate all of their food quite quickly.

Happy New Year to you and continued thanks for sticking with me!

cat nap I haven't forgotten about getting you a video or GIF of K playing, I have one to show you but other things to do keep cropping up. I will upload soon!

 

[acari]

My brain is off right now and I forgot to mention:

When T is out in the living room, K doesn't have access to her litter box. According to K's "poop schedule" she was due for it in the evening today so we brought the litter box over to K's side of the gate in case she needed to use it. And she did, so we're glad we thought to bring the box over!

Does it mean anything in particular that she's willing to do her business even though she's aware T is around?

 

[cat nap]

K is very good about exploring the closet, she sometimes dashes in there to sniff around, sometimes calmly strolling in, but she almost always comes out when I ask her to. Of course, she waits a few moments to make sure I don't think she's leaving because I asked...but because she wanted to at that time...
But T, who would be the one to worry about, I feel like would hide in there and not come out if she got spooked. So I'm still thinking about possibilities for blocking the closet like you mentioned.

....Of course, she waits a few moments to make sure I don't think she's leaving because I asked...but because she wanted to at that time...
(Well, yeah, that makes total sense in K waiting a few moments before acting on that request....a cat likes to make their humans happy, but does so in a way, that conforms to the 'universal cat union' which has a guidebook...which is 'for cat's eyes only'.... on 'how to act like a cat around her humans'.
We humans actually never see this guidebook, and therefore must study a cat's behaviour, while our cats just talk with each other, probably nightly,... and add loose rules to this 'how to act like a cat guidebook' ...all the time.) (totally joking...not serious whatsoever.)
Now, on a serious note, I think it's so cute that K listens to her humans, and complies with a request, even if a bit slowly.

cat nap said:
K's also probably studying T's moves...(and of course....critiquing them in her own head. okay, ...maybe not this last part....but I can hear it happening.)

I actually kind of think so! She has gotten slightly more friendly when she sees T playing and I think it's because she has seen that T is not as great a "hunter" as she is. She totally would judge T on T's reaction times (ex. "I would catch that so much faster").

Sure, I can totally see K judging T on her 'hunting' skills, and reaction times.
I guess when you're a cat, it's good to know you can 'out-hunt' the competition.

That K has gotten friendlier, must also come back to the.. "Play, Food, Height, Love" method...that calicosrspecial mentioned.
(I now remember it as Play-For-Her-Love or Please Feed Her Lion....though the first mnemonic is now, what I like better.)
Utilizing play, food, height and love....would allow our cats to relax, gain confidence, and in turn become friendlier.
I think this method really helps in the social aspects of getting cats together, and also bonding with their humans.
It makes sense to me.

A "thecatsite" online guidebook to cat care with GIFs of cat actions sourced from forum members would be pretty awesome, actually. You guys have all the knowledge and everyone else has no shortage of cats to video.

That is actually a fantastic idea.
Although, I can see this guidebook as going on forever, and never-ending.
Plus, what if the members just decide to read only the guidebooks, and then calicosrspecial and cat nap, have no one to talk to anymore, about cat behaviour.

I think there already are videos in TCS (the cat site) Articles section,...(well, I do know there are some in the 'how can I give a pill to my cat' Article)....but I do like your idea of adding more GIFs in there.
It would be neat, in the future, if they can somehow put some sort of tag, or index, of the actual cat videos and any cat Gifs.
Not sure how that could be done, but would help in finding the various videos....hence us not yet finding any 'charging by cat' videos....yet.

 

[cat nap]

Updates: T is crying a lot more and gets really sad if the gate is up at the bottom of the stairs and not "open" to the living room. But, she's pretty comfortable in the living room area now and does settle down to rest (instead of running wild the entire time she's out...you can use kitten energy to power the planet apparently).

(Kitten energy to power the planet...lol...that would be great.)

Do you think that you could possibly put K into T's safe room, now?
While T gets to roam all over the rest of the house.

Or better yet, just switch out each cat, to the other side of the gate?
Placing them in the other's territory, will allow them to sniff and scent mark everywhere.
It's just to get T more used to the entire home, and also to see how she would now react?

K "pawed" twice at the gate. I wasn't looking both times but my partner saw, and he reports that the pawing was very slow and not even close to aggressive (though she clearly still wanted to communicate something to T). And no accompanying sounds from K. T still backed away a bit but she still shows interest in coming up to the gate to see what K is doing.

Excellent. K might be trying to play with T.
It's still hard to say, unless you can capture some more video.

It's a really, really good sign that T is always coming back to the gate.
Calicosrspecial mentioned it before....it shows that T is not afraid.

....the negative actions from K are indeed lessening! When you initially said it I kind of didn't believe that it would de-escalate, or at least anytime soon...but we really are making progress!

Well, I didn't think it would happen this quick. But yes, you are making amazing progress.
For me, it's like both cats are almost there, but I'm just not sure about how much forcefulness, or intensity, K will play with?
And not sure about how confident T feels about the entire place?

So doing some more switching, I think will help.

They also ate dinner a bit closer together today and while K flicked her eyes up every now and then to check on T, and T checked behind her at K a few times, they both ate all of their food quite quickly.

That is really good to hear, about eating a bit closer.
For me, the act of cats eating near each other, just reinforces the aspect of bonding, and being relaxed.
As calicos mentioned yesterday...it's creating Trust between the two cats.

Happy New Year to you and continued thanks for sticking with me!

cat nap I haven't forgotten about getting you a video or GIF of K playing, I have one to show you but other things to do keep cropping up. I will upload soon!

I forgot to wish you both, and everyone here, humans and fur crews, a Happy New Year 2020!
May all our cats, and humans find peace and and a prosperous New Year for 2020!

Also, thank you for allowing us, here, to join you in this amazing journey!
I know it's only a small slice of life, but to me it's exciting, and your Gif videos are extremely helpful, joyful, and entertaining to watch.
(It just takes me back to the days, we had to introduce cats to cats, cats to kittens, cats to dogs. I just kind of now wish, that I had taken more videos, and photos, too. Honestly, when you're in the midst of it, the last thing on my mind is videos,...but yeah....they are amazing to watch, later on.)

IRL things always take priority, ...so no worries about when you can post that 'K playing GIF'.

My brain is off right now and I forgot to mention:

When T is out in the living room, K doesn't have access to her litter box. According to K's "poop schedule" she was due for it in the evening today so we brought the litter box over to K's side of the gate in case she needed to use it. And she did, so we're glad we thought to bring the box over!

Does it mean anything in particular that she's willing to do her business even though she's aware T is around?

Oh, yeah, ....great that you remembered to bring the litter box over.
That would be a necessity, to have access to their litter boxes.

Yes, I think it shows that K is much more relaxed if she is using her litter box, while T is around.
You mentioned from before, that K actually first avoided using her litter box, when T first arrived, upstairs....
So definitely yes, for K to not mind doing her litter box business, knowing that T is around, is another positive indication that the stress levels are down.
Fantastic.

 

[calicosrspecial]

"They also ate dinner a bit closer together today and while K flicked her eyes up every now and then to check on T, and T checked behind her at K a few times, they both ate all of their food quite quickly." - This is GREAT!! I am not at all worried about K looking at T as she went right back to eating. Positive association. WELL DONE!!

"When T is out in the living room, K doesn't have access to her litter box. According to K's "poop schedule" she was due for it in the evening today so we brought the litter box over to K's side of the gate in case she needed to use it. And she did, so we're glad we thought to bring the box over!" - This is pretty amazing. Cat usually don't like change (litter box being moved). So the fact she used the litter box AND T was around. Tells me she is very confident and is trusting more. Really good sign. Though I would probably add a litter box rather than moving one around.

"T is crying a lot more and gets really sad if the gate is up at the bottom of the stairs and not "open" to the living room. But, she's pretty comfortable in the living room area now and does settle down to rest (instead of running wild the entire time she's out...you can use kitten energy to power the planet apparently)." - Shows that she is expanding her territory. A great sign that she is bulding more trust and confidence.

"K "pawed" twice at the gate. I wasn't looking both times but my partner saw, and he reports that the pawing was very slow and not even close to aggressive (though she clearly still wanted to communicate something to T). And no accompanying sounds from K. T still backed away a bit but she still shows interest in coming up to the gate to see what K is doing." - I am not surprised. K is starting to accept more and more.
" cat nap cat nap You were right, the negative actions from K are indeed lessening! When you initially said it I kind of didn't believe that it would de-escalate, or at least anytime soon...but we really are making progress!" - I absolutely agree with you and catnap.

Catnap, sometimes turning the back is a sign of "I am afraid of you but if I don't see you you are not a threat". But it still is trust there but just a bit of fear as well. Ks situation was not this but I have seen this in other instances. As always, it depends on the body language. It is sometimes hard to explain without a visual example. In Ks example it was trust and was great.

"I also didn't know about all the differences in 'displays of grooming', from nervous, to relaxed and confident, to fully trusting.
It really helps that you point out all the subtle changes of a cat's body language." - It is really fascinating. Just keep an eye when cats do it. You will notice the nuance. Observation is an amazing teacher. I get a chance to work with a lot of cats in a lot of different situations. So I get to see a lot regarding interactions. It is fascinating. As you get to interact with more cats in different situations you will learn a lot. It is a lot of fun.

"I just find it amazing how the initial changes may seem to be so very slow, and then like you mentioned C calicosrspecial C calicosrspecial , the cats seem to turn a corner, and get more relaxed. It's really awesome to see that happen." - It is like a bell rings. I will see something and know at that moment all will be well. Happens all the time. I just helped on an intro, we thought we were a ways away and we got them together and it was rough but the bell rang. It shocked me that they were way ahead of where I thought. The cats will always tells us or show us where they are at. We just need to observe and listen.

You are more than capable of handling the knowledge part. I am serious, you should really write books. They could be educational and fun for all ages. Could really make a difference.

 

[acari]

Play-For-Her-Love

This is a really good mnemonic actually! And in the case of a male cat it can be replaced with "His" so it works well!

Do you think that you could possibly put K into T's safe room, now?
While T gets to roam all over the rest of the house.

Or better yet, just switch out each cat, to the other side of the gate?
Placing them in the other's territory, will allow them to sniff and scent mark everywhere.
It's just to get T more used to the entire home, and also to see how she would now react?

I don't think T considers anywhere in the living room as fully "safe" yet because if she starts scratching the couch or biting cords (no-no things), depending on the volume of our reprimand she will still dart back up to her room.
As for switching sides for the larger area, it would only serve for T to explore our "desk" space (where our computers are) and the kitchen, which while it would be good for her to do that...we don't have a way to block it off so that she still has access to the upstairs. The hallway is wider on the living room end than where we have the gate now and the gate is JUST too short for that end.
We might be able to put K in T's room or introduce T to the kitchen area without access to her room, if she is more comfortable and less skittish, but we will have to wait I think.

It's a really, really good sign that T is always coming back to the gate.

Yes, today she ran up a few times (almost always when K is not within view or within reach). And she's gone back to asking K to play with trills, but K is ignoring her because K is a big meanie.

For me, it's like both cats are almost there, but I'm just not sure about how much forcefulness, or intensity, K will play with?

K is very moody I think. She is rarely in a cuddly or affectionate mood, rarely wants to play for real (just watches the toy and only puts a paw out if the toy is within reach), rarely wants to be friendly to T.
So I think T is getting some mixed signals if K is being nice one day but aloof the next...I guess we just have to wait and see if K becomes more consistent with her behavior towards T.

This is pretty amazing. Cat usually don't like change (litter box being moved). So the fact she used the litter box AND T was around. Tells me she is very confident and is trusting more. Really good sign. Though I would probably add a litter box rather than moving one around.

It's interesting that K doesn't seem to mind the box being moved around (like before when T arrived, she preferred not to use it when it was closer to the old spot). Sometimes I feel like she has human logic, like maybe she understood we temporarily moved it there for her convenience.
It's not a spot where we can have a permanent litter box so I thought it wouldn't be good to leave one there during this period, because she (or T, if she gets to explore the area eventually) might get used to it and then we would move it, which might cause confusion. Do you think it would be better to leave one there for now anyway?

==========

Since this is the last day before my partner goes back to work we tried to give T as much time in the living room as possible.
K watched T a lot but didn't really engage. There was one bout of possible hide-and-seek where K went off to peer out from under my partner's computer desk, where she doesn't go often, and T came right up to the gate.
I've already forgotten if there was any pawing today. If there was, it was "mild" (no sound) and only happened once, during the first living room session.
The second living room session, K mostly slept/cleaned through and didn't much care about knowing what T was doing.

We moved them closer together to eat dinner today and they ate without issue, facing each other. K didn't really look up at T at all and was more concerned about some noise from neighbors outside. We'll see what happens as we continue to move them closer together!

I think we've really tired T out over the past few days and she's getting sleepy in unexpected places. I was sitting at the gate (back to the bottom of the steps) since K was turkeying there and giving treats, and T was dozing off between treats, with K watching.
It's surprising, because T's eyes were actually drooping closed, and I've never seen her sleep at the bottom of the steps before.
I assume this means T doesn't think K is much of a threat, which is probably a good thing? A cat wouldn't doze off in the presence of another cat they deemed scary or threatening, right?