Missing My Pretty Girl So Soo Much... :(

[joyfulrose]

Believe me, everyone of us that has loved and lost a little one has gone through the same feelings you are. Grief is all of that. You are not alone in your pain, we feel it with you. It is something you learn to live with, and it does get better in time, one day at a time.....

I wish no one ever had to go through the pain of losing their beloved pet or a loved one.. But that is life It's so hard and I am trying to take it day by day and manage as best as I can. I am so glad that i have so many wonderful and lovely people on this site always there to offer kind words, love, and support. It means so much to me, more than you will ever know. Thank you all.

 

[joyfulrose]

She WAS with you, though, till the very end, and will be with you forever in your heart and memories.

I understand the euthanasia guilt completely. It is a terrible weight on our shoulders, and a terrible choice to have to make, even when it is the most rational choice. And there is always a difficult grey area between fighting to save/prolong their lives by any means necessary, and letting them go with peace and dignity. There will always be what-ifs. Try to be kind to yourself. Rosie loved you very much and forgives you for any wrong you feel you have done, and I think, were she in your position, she would’ve chosen the same thing to help ease your pain.

@rosegold Thank you so much for saying that.

 

[joyfulrose]

I think you should look for a new vet! Mine was super compansionate and gave me an extra 15 minutes to say goodbye and make sure he was REALLY asleep/unconscious before we put him to sleep.

That said you need to remember you can not explain to a cat or dog why you are giving them injections/pills/taking them to the vet etc.....

It was not my regular vet (in fact I had a hard time finding a nice caring vet who had my baby's best interests in mind, that was why we saw so many) The vet I took her to was an Emergency Hospital I was recommended to go to by the last vet that had examined her. They told me if she started to decline to go to this ER Vet. So that's what I did those last two nights, when I feared for her life. I was so worried about her going about untreated, so I rushed her to that ER Vet without ever researching about it and reading reviews about it. (i usually always do this before taking her to any hospital) That night I didn't though because I wanted to get her help as soon as possible. I think if i had researched and read about that hospital and the vets there I would have never taken her to that one. I saw many many bad reviews about the two doctors who saw my beautiful baby, and many said they also recommended euthanizing their pets for similar issues like trouble urinating or constipation- which really shocked me. But the person ended up leaving with their pet and they got better. Of course I don't know if that's what would have happened with my Rosie... but I will always wonder.
I will be honest and say, when I looked at her that night- to me, she looked like she was dying (i don't know if i was right, it's my first time ever going through something like this with a pet.) And as i was putting her in the carrier to go to the ER a small part inside of me was scared to take her because I felt like when they saw her they would tell me she was dying. And that is pretty much what happened. I didn't want to believe it though.

Please don’t blame yourself. You can not bring her back. Next time you are in that position you can run that last extra test.

In my case, my boy was eating and drinking a little bit, but he was out of breath all the time. He couldn’t understand why he was out of breath or that he had severe asthma. I stopped giving him his daily IV because it looked like it would be his last week ...... I didn’t want to spend his last days torturing him. I wanted his last days to be filled with comfort and love.

Oh I'm so so so sorry, your poor little boy. It's clear that you made the best decision for him out of love.
Rosie was eating and drinking also, but not very much. She always ate very little and not as much as she should be eating. I had to syringe feed her that last day though because she didn't wanna eat on her own. I remember those last days, when she would drink water her head would kind of shake a little, kinda like she's unsure or something? if that makes sense? I don't know how to explain it but I never figured out what caused that. It happened only those last two nights after seeing the first ER vet. I wondered if they had given her something in the back like a sedative or pain medication or something I never knew about. I have read reviews about this ER Vet hospital doing that without telling the owners and then their pets couldn't stand or walk and became very close to dying. I feel like that was when my Rosie started losing her balance and unable to walk, since the first night i took her there things just got really bad. I don't know, there are just so many unanswered questions and I know I may never find the answers I am looking for.

 

[joyfulrose]

My pretty girl, I will never be the same again without you. This pain in my heart will never go away. I miss you so so so much baby.

 

[danteshuman]

She is pretty and looks sweet as can be!

I know you are grief ridden and no where near ready to adopt a cat (and cats are not replaceable especially when you love them like you loved Rosie.) If you can I would suggest donating your time at a shelter or fostering a mom who is nursing kittens or the energy consuming fostering/bottle feeding kittens. Those animals desperately need tlc. You can get some furry cuddles and hopefully they can bring some small moments of joy into your life. Sometimes it helps to hold a cat or kitten while you sniffle because you miss your beloved cat.

My little dude/punk jr comforts me. I would never have gone out and adopted a kitten but I was fostering him before my beloved Dante fell ill. Still I don’t think I could go through my grief without the love and joy my punk jr brings.

 

[joyfulrose]

She is pretty and looks sweet as can be!

Thank you so much. You can really tell just by looking at her. She really was the sweetest cat I have ever known & I've had a lot of cats growing up. There was never one as sweet, as kind, and as loving as my Rosie. She had the most beautiful heart & the best personality. Never once did she ever bite or scratch or hiss at anyone in her life. She was just the nicest most wonderful kitty. Always so loyal to me and always so caring. I was truly so blessed and so lucky to be her mama & to have her in my life.

If you can I would suggest donating your time at a shelter or fostering a mom who is nursing kittens or the energy consuming fostering/bottle feeding kittens. Those animals desperately need tlc. You can get some furry cuddles and hopefully they can bring some small moments of joy into your life. Sometimes it helps to hold a cat or kitten while you sniffle because you miss your beloved cat.

That sounds like a lovely idea, I think I would really like to do that, I will try my best once I'm feeling a little better.
I actually have 3 other cats. I know it may not seem like it because I am constantly talking about Rosie, especially after I lost her. But maybe that's because Rosie was so special to me. We have a stronger bond than I have with my other cats. I love the other 3 cats so very much as well, but with Rosie it was different. We were closer and spent almost every day all day together for 17 years. She was my first cat that I got to call my own. We grew up together, shared so many memories. She was always by my side and followed me wherever I went. She really became like a family member. There will never be another Rosie and I know there will never be another cat that can ever replace her. I always knew If I ever lost her it was be so hard on me. I would often say to my family and friends that I don't know what I would do if something were to ever happen to her. I never wanted to think about there ever being a time where she wouldn't be in my life.
It really has been such a traumatic experience losing her, from the way she declined so quickly in those last two weeks when I had thought she was fine. And from the way the vets had pressured me and rushed me and gave me no other options or any hope. Just the way they handled all of it -being my first time ever going through something like this and having to make such a difficult decision. Being absolutely heartbroken and not shown any compassion. The vet not ever explaining any of it to me, & making sure I was sure about this decision, making sure I understood everything that would happen. I was in shock at the moment. He never said a word. He came in gave her those last two injections and quickly left out the door. I was left there to cry with a broken heart and come to the realization that I would never see my baby again.
I honestly worry about my other cats, I don't know if i can go through something like this again.

My little dude/punk jr comforts me. I would never have gone out and adopted a kitten but I was fostering him before my beloved Dante fell ill. Still I don’t think I could go through my grief without the love and joy my punk jr brings.

Aww I am so happy that you have punk jr there by your side during this tough time to comfort you and bring you so much love and joy

 

[candie]

You have beautiful pictures I am sad I didn't took a lot of pictures she was sick without warning. I still miss my precious melody now all I have is candie who has some health problems but she seems ok I dread the day she will go to the rainbow bridge

 

[joyfulrose]

You have beautiful pictures I am sad I didn't took a lot of pictures she was sick without warning. I still miss my precious melody now all I have is candie who has some health problems but she seems ok I dread the day she will go to the rainbow bridge

Thank you so much. I wish I had more videos of my beautiful Rosie, I'm really sad I didn't take many, especially in the last year.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved melody I hope Candie continues to do well for a very very very long time. My heart is with you.

 

[di and bob]

Rosie was your soulmate, so of course she was extra special to you. Your grief runs as deep as your love. The other three can bring bout a distraction right now which your herat desperately needs, so let them comfort you by knowing they depend on you and love you too, they need you too. Going about daily chores and routines, helps to bring a normalcie back. That huge void that is in your life right now needs to be filled, and hopefully with something besides unending grief. You have a lifetime to keep loving that little girl, to be thankful for sharing some of that life with her. Don't miss other opportunities to find happiness and love in life because you are so lost in the darkness. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and one day you will be in the sunshine once more, and she will always be there to enjoy it through you too, your precious Rosie.....

 

[joyfulrose]

Thank you di and bob Rosie really was extra special to me. It doesn't feel right without her here by my side. I feel like I will never be the same again. I try so hard to just go on and live my life as normal as possible(some days are a little easier than others, but mostly it's been really hard) and I tell myself what others have told me- that I did the right thing. But I don't know why, no matter how hard I try to tell myself that, I can't stop feeling like I've done something so horrible. Like I am a terrible person for allowing this to happen to my baby, to my Rosie. The one cat who I loved more than anything, who was my joy, my happiness, the greatest thing to ever happen to me. The one I promised never to do this to. The one I tried to do everything for to make sure she was happy, healthy, and loved. I feel like I'm just awful for taking the vets advice while I was still in shock and trying to process everything I was being told. I didn't ask all the questions I wanted to ask. I was crying and my heart was breaking into a million little pieces. I should have taken her home that night. I remember how sad she looked and her sad little meow at me. I'm so sorry to her. When I look at pictures of her from that last night she looked so different. Not like herself. So depressed and so weak. Even pictures of her in that last year, it's clear to see how thin and bony she had gotten. So I tell myself she must have been sick, that no healthy cat would feel light as a feather and so bony like her. Maybe I just got used to her that way that I made myself believe it was normal. When I think back to all the vets we saw... every single one of them commented about how very very thin she was. I kept telling myself that she was just getting older, she was 17 so it's to be expected she will lose some weight and muscle.. I told myself that I could get her to put on more weight, I just had to feed her even more. I tried so hard but her weight never really went up very much. The one time I had thought her weight was going up is that last week when it turned out that fluid had accumulated in her abdomen. I don't know why I can't get myself to believe that she was probably sick and that this was the best decision. I think because I never found out for sure what it was I tell myself that there was a possibility that it wasn't what everyone was suspecting. That it could have been something that would have been treatable. A part of me always held onto that hope. I wish I had found out in the end so that I could have some peace of mind, but I don't think I ever will.
The nights and mornings are especially hard without her. She would always sleep on my arm or next to my head. And when I woke up she would still be there next to me. I miss cuddling her, petting her, and giving her all my kisses. I miss how every night she would bring me gifts(her toys) and leave them on my bed, as if to show me how much she loved me. I would always say to her "Thank you baby, I love you" and she would get really happy, look at me with those beautiful eyes of hers and give me like a little wink. (I read before that it means they like you and trust you) It was the sweetest thing ever. My heart hurts, I just miss her so so very much.

 

[di and bob]

Belive me, joyfulrose, it would have made no difference to have had her die at home, I have been through many of both and you still go through the same feelings and sense of hopelessness and emptiness. To have them die at home means you see them struggling to stay alive, see them lose, and it is all you want to do to end that struggle. Yes there is fear at the vets, but the injection soon helps to calm them and it is a blessing to them stop struggling.
We are the last to see the decline, we rationalize, we come up with excuses. Beacause we love them so much and don't want to acknowledge that they will have to leave us at some point. But I want you to remember one thing in all this, you loved her, she loved you back and that is all that matters. It is all she ever wanted and you gave her that, she will be at peace because she holds that love, and eventually you will find it too, one day, one day at a time......

 

[Furballsmom]

I'm saying this with love; Do you have someone you can sit down with and talk to? Not family or friends, but someone who can help you with your grief?

 

[joyfulrose]

Just want to share some photos

 

[Leomc123]

I didn't see those pictures when you posted, rosie looks beautiful and i am sad she passed away I look at pictures of my leo every day at work and when i go to sleep at night Its hard to be not emotional at work and at home cause people dont understand. And now three months later i think im going to lose my other cat she is so old and fragile.

Here is my beautiful Rosie when she was much younger-
I think she was about a year old in this picture-

Here she is at 15-

And here she is at 17! -

& Now I'm crying again. I miss her so much [/QUOTE]

 

[di and bob]

Of course you do, she was so very lovable.....you have to find something to fill the emptiness, or it will take over your life. Rosie's memory is too precious to bring such pain.....

 

[joyfulrose]

I didn't see those pictures when you posted, rosie looks beautiful and i am sad she passed away I look at pictures of my leo every day at work and when i go to sleep at night Its hard to be not emotional at work and at home cause people dont understand. And now three months later i think im going to lose my other cat she is so old and fragile.

Thank you Leomc123 She really was so so so beautiful. I am also sad... absolutely devastated that she passed away. I'm really sorry about your beloved Leo, I know how you feel and how hard it can be when you feel like no one around you understands what you're going through. Every night before I go to bed I look at pictures of my sweet Rosie and then cry myself to sleep. It's just not fair, I wish it didn't have to be this way. I know I'm extremely lucky &blessed to have had 17 years with her(for that i am so grateful), but somehow that still feels short to me. I wanted more time with her, but I think all of us will always wish for more time with our dear pets. All those years I never let myself think about what it would be like without her in my life. I wasn't ready to say goodbye yet.
I'm sorry about your other cat, I can't imagine having to go through something like that again in such a short time. May I ask what's wrong with her? Does she have any health issues, or is it just that she's getting older and you worry you're gonna lose her? Sending you lots of love.

 

[di and bob]

Just remember, 'Love means never having to say goodbye'.......because love is a part of you, it will always be there.......

 

[joyfulrose]

Just remember, 'Love means never having to say goodbye'.......because love is a part of you, it will always be there.......

That is very true, thank you so much di and bob . I appreciate every kind word & every reply. God bless you.

 

[joyfulrose]

Found some more photos I'd like to share....

This was one of her favorite toys :

Her favorite blue pillow to sleep on..

Here's Rosie with my youngest cat, Sandy:

And some more cute pictures of my pretty girl:

Miss her so much!

 

[joyfulrose]

Today makes 4 months since I lost my beautiful Rosie.
4 very long, sad, hard months without my baby.
I miss her so so so much