- Sep 19, 2006
- Glendale, CATifornia
If it's any help, I feel exactly the same way, and I'm pretty sure everyone else does, too, if they admit their own true feelings. NO ONE likes being mistreated, taken advantage of, put down or undervalued. But a dear friend once complained that he was tired of being treated "like $%!^" to which I responded truthfully that EVERYONE is treated that way. In the present climate, it seems to pervade all of our dealings with others. I'm intensely social, intensely helpful, and love kind, compassionate, gentle, preferably-but-not-exclusively intelligent people, and see myself as a team player rather than a leader; but I have low tolerance for any of the above bad behavior and have had a lot of bad luck on jobs as a result. I love to work, work hard, and am loyal when given the chance. But today's climate does not reward those behaviors and actually makes it hard for people with that profile to survive in jobs where the majority are back-biting cliquey antisocial predators. Not an easy time to try to make a living! We go through what we have to to keep our loved ones and ourselves going, though; and we have to suck up a LOT. I know.I have thought about mounting the TV. But i tend to just watch the TV in the living room.
I know it doesn't seem that way online. But If there is one thing I am actually really good at is pretending at acting sociable and positive. The confidence part? That might need some work. lol My coworker never believes that I am antisocial. I even got good comments after my interviews. One person took the time to write me a long email and told me that they were impressed with my energy and liked me. But that they went with someone that had a master's degree. The email seemed sincere because he really didn't need to give me an explanation. Most departments send out an auto-reject email.
Whenever my real self cracks through at work it always shocks people. Work has been really bad these months so my real self has come out a few times, and my coworkers that I am close to get overly concerned and check on me. When really I just need my space during those times so I can shore up the energy to go back to pretending. Work has taught me that workplaces want people that are positive and a "team-player". Having to put on a front that I care and want to help EVERYONE really eats at me every day. I am not saying that I'm not a positive person, nor that I hate helping people. But forcing myself to act nice to people that I can't stand working with? That really gets to me sometimes. I am grateful for every job I have had. But I am hoping to eventually work somewhere that I feel appreciated, and don't feel like the person that everyone takes advantage of because I am kind. For the first time in my working experience, I had to start standing up for myself and putting a rude coworker in his place. This job has really eaten away at my confidence and self worth. Which is why i stopped posting on this thread. I didnt want to keep bringing my negativity into this place.