Venting....

tarasgirl06

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I have thought about mounting the TV. But i tend to just watch the TV in the living room.

I know it doesn't seem that way online. But If there is one thing I am actually really good at is pretending at acting sociable and positive. :flail:The confidence part? That might need some work. lol My coworker never believes that I am antisocial. I even got good comments after my interviews. One person took the time to write me a long email and told me that they were impressed with my energy and liked me. But that they went with someone that had a master's degree. The email seemed sincere because he really didn't need to give me an explanation. Most departments send out an auto-reject email.

Whenever my real self cracks through at work it always shocks people. Work has been really bad these months so my real self has come out a few times, and my coworkers that I am close to get overly concerned and check on me. When really I just need my space during those times so I can shore up the energy to go back to pretending. Work has taught me that workplaces want people that are positive and a "team-player". Having to put on a front that I care and want to help EVERYONE really eats at me every day. I am not saying that I'm not a positive person, nor that I hate helping people. But forcing myself to act nice to people that I can't stand working with? That really gets to me sometimes. I am grateful for every job I have had. But I am hoping to eventually work somewhere that I feel appreciated, and don't feel like the person that everyone takes advantage of because I am kind. For the first time in my working experience, I had to start standing up for myself and putting a rude coworker in his place. This job has really eaten away at my confidence and self worth. Which is why i stopped posting on this thread. I didnt want to keep bringing my negativity into this place.
If it's any help, I feel exactly the same way, and I'm pretty sure everyone else does, too, if they admit their own true feelings. NO ONE likes being mistreated, taken advantage of, put down or undervalued. But a dear friend once complained that he was tired of being treated "like $%!^" to which I responded truthfully that EVERYONE is treated that way. In the present climate, it seems to pervade all of our dealings with others. I'm intensely social, intensely helpful, and love kind, compassionate, gentle, preferably-but-not-exclusively intelligent people, and see myself as a team player rather than a leader; but I have low tolerance for any of the above bad behavior and have had a lot of bad luck on jobs as a result. I love to work, work hard, and am loyal when given the chance. But today's climate does not reward those behaviors and actually makes it hard for people with that profile to survive in jobs where the majority are back-biting cliquey antisocial predators. Not an easy time to try to make a living! We go through what we have to to keep our loved ones and ourselves going, though; and we have to suck up a LOT. I know.
 

terestrife

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If it's any help, I feel exactly the same way, and I'm pretty sure everyone else does, too, if they admit their own true feelings. NO ONE likes being mistreated, taken advantage of, put down or undervalued. But a dear friend once complained that he was tired of being treated "like $%!^" to which I responded truthfully that EVERYONE is treated that way. In the present climate, it seems to pervade all of our dealings with others. I'm intensely social, intensely helpful, and love kind, compassionate, gentle, preferably-but-not-exclusively intelligent people, and see myself as a team player rather than a leader; but I have low tolerance for any of the above bad behavior and have had a lot of bad luck on jobs as a result. I love to work, work hard, and am loyal when given the chance. But today's climate does not reward those behaviors and actually makes it hard for people with that profile to survive in jobs where the majority are back-biting cliquey antisocial predators. Not an easy time to try to make a living! We go through what we have to to keep our loved ones and ourselves going, though; and we have to suck up a LOT. I know.
Its people with the personality traits that you listed seem to be the ones that get taken advantage of. This is not an excuse, but I didn't start working until I was in my early 30s. It's pretty shocking to see how awful people can be to someone that tries to be genuinely kind. i got lucky with my first two jobs. I had amazing coworkers that supportive and kind to me. It made me want to give my entire effort to those jobs. The job I am at right now is full of gossip and negativity and since people like me, they try to pull me into the negativity. I have also had to push myself to stand up for myself. I was asked to do two jobs for a few months and the director I was helping is lazy and hates to work. Loves delegating and giving out work. A new person started that took over the job I was helping with and he was expecting me to keep going in and taking care of things while the new employee is learning. I had to let him know that my own task left was to train her, but he had to step in and take care of whatever she couldn't do.

It took me a long time to stand up for myself. My coworkers had to push me to find my voice at work. My boss that left told me i shouldn't just put up with things and stay silent, which is what I was doing. He let me know he would support me and I didn't have to put up with the director's rude behavior. We now have a new boss and hopefully, she will be kind too.

Update on Kitty: It does seem she has early stages of kidney issues. I am not sure what to do, and I get conflicting advice from my vet vs what I read online. I posted a thread to try to get advice. :sigh:
 

tarasgirl06

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Its people with the personality traits that you listed seem to be the ones that get taken advantage of. This is not an excuse, but I didn't start working until I was in my early 30s. It's pretty shocking to see how awful people can be to someone that tries to be genuinely kind. i got lucky with my first two jobs. I had amazing coworkers that supportive and kind to me. It made me want to give my entire effort to those jobs. The job I am at right now is full of gossip and negativity and since people like me, they try to pull me into the negativity. I have also had to push myself to stand up for myself. I was asked to do two jobs for a few months and the director I was helping is lazy and hates to work. Loves delegating and giving out work. A new person started that took over the job I was helping with and he was expecting me to keep going in and taking care of things while the new employee is learning. I had to let him know that my own task left was to train her, but he had to step in and take care of whatever she couldn't do.

It took me a long time to stand up for myself. My coworkers had to push me to find my voice at work. My boss that left told me i shouldn't just put up with things and stay silent, which is what I was doing. He let me know he would support me and I didn't have to put up with the director's rude behavior. We now have a new boss and hopefully, she will be kind too.

Update on Kitty: It does seem she has early stages of kidney issues. I am not sure what to do, and I get conflicting advice from my vet vs what I read online. I posted a thread to try to get advice. :sigh:
One thing I would ask up front is whether Kitty is a candidate for sub-Q therapy, which you can easily be trained to administer in-home. Probably early for this, but just saying. Just FYI, cats being obligate carnivores are at high risk for this. I have never used any Rx foods for my cats, since I think they're garbage and a lot of cats do, too; they won't touch the stuff. That's my opinion and observation; others' may differ.
One job I had differed very much from the norm in that the business owner and second in command valued me, rewarded me, praised and supported me. That was so unusual! I've never forgotten the good treatment I had there. The owner was highly intelligent, with a genius son who used to come in and mess around with my computer 🤣:eek2: and then leave.
 

terestrife

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One thing I would ask up front is whether Kitty is a candidate for sub-Q therapy, which you can easily be trained to administer in-home. Probably early for this, but just saying. Just FYI, cats being obligate carnivores are at high risk for this. I have never used any Rx foods for my cats, since I think they're garbage and a lot of cats do, too; they won't touch the stuff. That's my opinion and observation; others' may differ.
One job I had differed very much from the norm in that the business owner and second in command valued me, rewarded me, praised and supported me. That was so unusual! I've never forgotten the good treatment I had there. The owner was highly intelligent, with a genius son who used to come in and mess around with my computer 🤣:eek2: and then leave.
I will ask, but I dread having to use a needle on Kitty. I hated when my mom asked me to do her insulin shots. :headshake:

I looked up how it was done and it looked scary for the cat. :confused2: I will ask anyway just in case.

I have never used RX foods, and have been cooking their food for years. I only used canned food for the first couple of years. Kitty eats cooked chicken with a powder added to give all the vitamins needed. I add an extra 1/4 cup of water (2 times a day) to her food. My vet recommended that I don't change her diet.
 

tarasgirl06

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I will ask, but I dread having to use a needle on Kitty. I hated when my mom asked me to do her insulin shots. :headshake:

I looked up how it was done and it looked scary for the cat. :confused2: I will ask anyway just in case.

I have never used RX foods, and have been cooking their food for years. I only used canned food for the first couple of years. Kitty eats cooked chicken with a powder added to give all the vitamins needed. I add an extra 1/4 cup of water (2 times a day) to her food. My vet recommended that I don't change her diet.
*If it works, don't fix it* right? ;):clap:Sounds like a good diet.
Sub-Q is not difficult and it does not seem to cause a lot of distress. I always put our angel Moti in a top-loading carrier on top of the bathroom counter and hung the sub-Q bag on a hanger, which I hung on the shower frame across from the counter. This works great if your bathroom is configured this way. The top-loading carrier helps keep the cat stationery and I think it can help them to be calm since they're in a "box" which is reassuring to a lot of cats. Just slide the needle in, unclip the flow and let it go until you reach the proper dose, then clip, and slide the needle out. Very simple. It may help, if you need to do this, to tell yourself that it is for her health and wellbeing, and just put that priority in front of any other concerns. What matters is her health and her comfort. That's what sub-Q gives.
 

terestrife

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*If it works, don't fix it* right? ;):clap:Sounds like a good diet.
Sub-Q is not difficult and it does not seem to cause a lot of distress. I always put our angel Moti in a top-loading carrier on top of the bathroom counter and hung the sub-Q bag on a hanger, which I hung on the shower frame across from the counter. This works great if your bathroom is configured this way. The top-loading carrier helps keep the cat stationery and I think it can help them to be calm since they're in a "box" which is reassuring to a lot of cats. Just slide the needle in, unclip the flow and let it go until you reach the proper dose, then clip, and slide the needle out. Very simple. It may help, if you need to do this, to tell yourself that it is for her health and wellbeing, and just put that priority in front of any other concerns. What matters is her health and her comfort. That's what sub-Q gives.
that doesn't sound too bad. Let me reach out to my vet to see if he recommends starting now. thank you!
 

terestrife

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Hello,

Update on Elsa. She will be having surgery next friday. She's the one that had a weird reaction to a collar and ended up with blocked pores. She scratched herself until it created a bump. I am nervous because there is always risks associated with anesthesia and she has low WBC. I am praying she gets through this safely. I have been trying to heal this bump for the last few months hoping I could avoid this surgery. She keeps scratching at her neck and making it worse. Keep Elsa in your thoughts, everyone. I am praying this is the right thing to do. I had to apply for carecredit and finally got approved after applying for months. Thank God. This won't be cheap.
 

tarasgirl06

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Hello,

Update on Elsa. She will be having surgery next friday. She's the one that had a weird reaction to a collar and ended up with blocked pores. She scratched herself until it created a bump. I am nervous because there is always risks associated with anesthesia and she has low WBC. I am praying she gets through this safely. I have been trying to heal this bump for the last few months hoping I could avoid this surgery. She keeps scratching at her neck and making it worse. Keep Elsa in your thoughts, everyone. I am praying this is the right thing to do. I had to apply for carecredit and finally got approved after applying for months. Thank God. This won't be cheap.
*PRAYERS* from the heart for sweet Elsa, and for you! :vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::hearthrob: :happycat::hearthrob::heartshape:
 

terestrife

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I decided to delay elsas surgery. She has some issue where her white blood count has been declining for years. Im scared of her getting an infection during surgery. The vet said she should be fine with antibiotics but i don't think i have much faith in vets anymore. I'm going to try one last time to heal her myself. And revisit the idea of surgery if she doesn't improve. I hope this is the right choice. But I'm so scared to risk her.
 

tarasgirl06

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I decided to delay elsas surgery. She has some issue where her white blood count has been declining for years. Im scared of her getting an infection during surgery. The vet said she should be fine with antibiotics but i don't think i have much faith in vets anymore. I'm going to try one last time to heal her myself. And revisit the idea of surgery if she doesn't improve. I hope this is the right choice. But I'm so scared to risk her.
It's ultimately your choice and your call, terestrife terestrife and there is no "right" or "wrong" choice. But if it matters, I would make the same choice you are making. *PRAYERS* for Elsa! to heal with your loving care. Cats are very sensitive and intuitive, and I think we all know the power of Love, love, and positive thinking. :vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::bicolorcat::hearthrob:
 

terestrife

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It's ultimately your choice and your call, terestrife terestrife and there is no "right" or "wrong" choice. But if it matters, I would make the same choice you are making. *PRAYERS* for Elsa! to heal with your loving care. Cats are very sensitive and intuitive, and I think we all know the power of Love, love, and positive thinking. :vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes::bicolorcat::hearthrob:
Thank you for your kind words. :heartshape:
 

terestrife

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It will be a month soon and Elsa's bump has only improved slightly. Not sure what else I can try, or if I should just give in and do the surgery.

Kitty has early kidney issues and I am trying to figure out how to change her diet. That has been stressful because everyone has such strong opinions about it.

Been feeling really down lately. Things are better at work, because I am not working with the guy that was driving me crazy. They hired someone to replace the girl that left so work is less hectic. I still havent had luck with job hunting. Been to so many job interviews.

I have an appointment soon with my gyno. It's been a year since the abnormal cells in my uterine lining was cleared. I am praying my exam comes out normally. I managed to lose some weight this year, but it's not enough. I am on 6 medications to try to fix the damage that was caused during my treatment last year. High BP, Diabetes type 2, and high cholesterol.

Since I have been feeling down, I go back to what is most comforting to me which is food. I am trying a new medication that is for diabetes and helps with weight loss. I was nervous about trying it because it hasn't been around for very long. But I am also risking myself at my current weight and by taking all the medications I am currently on. I am still relatively young at 37 years old, but have so many health issues.

I have some bad days where I think if I can just make it for whatever length of time the cats have left on this earth then I can die at peace. I don't have a partner, and I don't have any children. The only ones that depend on me are my cats. i just need to live long enough so I won't need to rehome them.

I am not saying I will hurt myself once they are gone. I promised my mother on her death bed that I would never do anything against my own life. But I can't deny that I sometimes wonder what the point of living is. I feel so miserable and unhappy. I have always had issues with anxiety and possible depression (never been to a therapist). I have good days, and then I have bad days where I still cry for the loss of my mother, even though it has been 6 years.

I haven't been writing here because I have been feeling so down. Been trying to put my focus on looking for work, and trying to do a better job at caring for my cats. They're a lot happier now that their day is on a fixed schedule. Meals and snacks are automated and happen at the same time every day. They get their 10 minutes of playtime every single day, which they remind me of if I take too long to do it after work. lol
 

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It will be a month soon and Elsa's bump has only improved slightly. Not sure what else I can try, or if I should just give in and do the surgery.

Kitty has early kidney issues and I am trying to figure out how to change her diet. That has been stressful because everyone has such strong opinions about it.

Been feeling really down lately. Things are better at work, because I am not working with the guy that was driving me crazy. They hired someone to replace the girl that left so work is less hectic. I still havent had luck with job hunting. Been to so many job interviews.

I have an appointment soon with my gyno. It's been a year since the abnormal cells in my uterine lining was cleared. I am praying my exam comes out normally. I managed to lose some weight this year, but it's not enough. I am on 6 medications to try to fix the damage that was caused during my treatment last year. High BP, Diabetes type 2, and high cholesterol.

Since I have been feeling down, I go back to what is most comforting to me which is food. I am trying a new medication that is for diabetes and helps with weight loss. I was nervous about trying it because it hasn't been around for very long. But I am also risking myself at my current weight and by taking all the medications I am currently on. I am still relatively young at 37 years old, but have so many health issues.

I have some bad days where I think if I can just make it for whatever length of time the cats have left on this earth then I can die at peace. I don't have a partner, and I don't have any children. The only ones that depend on me are my cats. i just need to live long enough so I won't need to rehome them.

I am not saying I will hurt myself once they are gone. I promised my mother on her death bed that I would never do anything against my own life. But I can't deny that I sometimes wonder what the point of living is. I feel so miserable and unhappy. I have always had issues with anxiety and possible depression (never been to a therapist). I have good days, and then I have bad days where I still cry for the loss of my mother, even though it has been 6 years.

I haven't been writing here because I have been feeling so down. Been trying to put my focus on looking for work, and trying to do a better job at caring for my cats. They're a lot happier now that their day is on a fixed schedule. Meals and snacks are automated and happen at the same time every day. They get their 10 minutes of playtime every single day, which they remind me of if I take too long to do it after work. lol
How I empathize, my friend! These times are dire for almost everyone. My goal is the same as yours in terms of being here for my beloved Elvis. Life is not a wonderful thing for me either, and as my beliefs are that we go to a better place and reunite with our loved ones, it's no surprise that I'm looking forward to that whenever it happens. There are too many very negative things going on that affect us all, and almost all of them are out of our control. But being as healthy as possible and taking care of my own health is paramount to me, as I do not believe in allopathic (western, symptom-based) medicine and will not take drugs. Many things can be dealt with through diet, exercise and lifestyle so that's how I deal with my health.
GOOD on ya for taking good care of Kitty and Elsa! and playing with them every day. Take good care of YOU, too, and try to bear in mind that all the bad stuff that's happened in your past is IN your past. Keep on going, every day, no matter what. :hugs:
 

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ost all of them are out of our control. But being as healthy as possible and taking care of my own health is paramount to me, as I do n
I agree with you, I had the same thought process about taking medication. Until I had to take medication to keep the abnormal cells in my uterus from turning cancerous. That medicine caused me to get high bp, and became diabetic 2. I have gained and lost the same 100 lbs over and over again, which is why I am turning to medicine out of desperation.

Thank you for your kind works. :heartshape:
 

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I agree with you, I had the same thought process about taking medication. Until I had to take medication to keep the abnormal cells in my uterus from turning cancerous. That medicine caused me to get high bp, and became diabetic 2. I have gained and lost the same 100 lbs over and over again, which is why I am turning to medicine out of desperation.

Thank you for your kind works. :heartshape:
It's a vicious, vicious circle. I am so sorry this is happening to you! :hugs:
 

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Hello, It's been a few months since I last posted here. Not much has changed since September, I am still at the same job. A job that I hate, with coworkers I can't stand. I just turned 38 years old this month and I am in such a negative head space. Not because my age matters to me, its just the fact that I haven't accomplished much in the past couple of years.

My cat Elsa finally had surgery to remove the bump that happened from a weird reaction from wearing collars. Thankfully it wasn't cancerous. Cost me over 1000$ :sigh:

My allergies to cats have gotten worse, I feel breathless every time I go anywhere near them. I had to give in and use an inhaler the other day. I am going to do everything I can to keep my cats, but I don't know how long that will be. I just bought an air purifier and started wearing a mask around the cats and it seems to be helping my lungs. We are stuck in one tiny bedroom with barely any space. The room feels filthy no matter how much I clean it.

I had a really dark moment tonight where I genuinely wished I had never adopted a cat when I was younger. Not because I don't love them, because I do. If I didn't love them I would have gotten rid of them a long time ago. But just hate the situation that I am in. If I knew anyone that I fully trusted to love and care for them I would rehome them. But unfortunately, everyone I know hates cats. I cant bear the thought of trusting a stranger to take care of them. As much as I complain about the cats, I know that I am willing to do everything I can to give them the best life possible.

I am trying to do an immunotherapy treatment for my allergies. But i know that will take time.

I hate where I am currently living. I am grateful that the cats and I have a place to live. But I have no peace here. Im stuck in a gross tiny bedroom. Whenever I leave my room I have to deal with my brothers kids. I used to love kids and wanted to be a mom. They have an 12 years old, 4 year old, and 3 year old. The 3-year-old yells until her mom gives in and does what she wants. I ignore her, and she just keeps yelling until her mom shows up.

The 4-year-old is a boy, and may the good lord forgive me but I cannot the way he behaves. I have to remind myself that it's his behavior that I cannot stand. He can spend hours crying for no reason. I seriously think this kid needs a therapist. I have been taking care of kids since I was 11 years old and have never seen such a hysterical child. Once he starts crying there's nothing that will calm him. If you do anything that upset him he will follow you whimpering until you tell him you aren't upset or apologize to him. He loves screaming for some reason. A LOUD obnoxious scream. He seems to think its a fun game. If you ask him nicely or even firmly to stop he just keeps doing it and laughing about it. He follows his mom around every time she scolds him and cries and begs until she tells him that she isn't upset with him. Even my 54 year old sister was in shock when she slept over and saw his behavior. She told me she thought I had been exaggerating.

I'm so miserable and don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am on vacation now and actually miss work just so I can get out of this place.

Sorry for the negative post, I cant really vent to anyone I know because can easily seem that I am ungrateful. I have a home thanks to my brother and that is something that I never lose sight of.
 

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:alright: You are in the right place to vent! Because of your allergies, you don't feel well and that maximizes all the external stresses. Plus, nobody wants to feel "stuck" in a situation, especially with all the various dynamics that you are dealing with. It sounds like your nephew might have something like autism going on; your SIL might be so overwhelmed that she "takes the path of least resistance" and gives in to the demands rather than establishing and enforcing boundaries. I hope that your immunotherapy works; my vet's tech did some process with a chiropractor that exposes the person to the allergen & then they avoid the allergen for a number of hours and then the patient is "cured". It has worked for the tech very well and I know several other people who have successfully used it although it sounds "weird" to me. I surely hopes that it works for you. Prayers and vibes that life gets better for you
 
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