Venting....

terestrife

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I’m feeling frustrated and don’t really have many people to talk to. Ive been posting here recently about problems I’ve been having. I hope im not annoying anyone, lol don’t really have many people that I can speak to honestly. Ive learned that speaking my mind can have really ugly consequences so I tend to not speak up anymore.


Last year I left my childhood home because my brother and I kept having issues about the cats and he was feeling frustrated and annoyed with them. This grew into us getting into a silly fight about something not related to the cats, and I moved into my sisters house.


My sister is being kind enough to let me try to pay down my debt. But I already owe 2000$ on a card that I used to help her out. She promised to pay it, but she now sees it as my debt since im not helping out in the house anymore. My nieces boyfriend, and I, were paying the bills while she was at home for a year grieving her husbands passing.


With the money I make, old debt, my car, and the cats, I cant afford my own place. Ive been going to interviews, and have an interview this week. But nothing is changing. Im looking into getting a weekend job for more money.


I sometimes have these ugly feelings that if I didn’t have the cats, I wouldn’t have the responsibility or the expense. It makes me feel so awful to have these feelings.


I posted recently about my sisters new found husband. They married 34 years ago, and thought they had divorced, but didn’t. Shes been talking to him for three weeks, and shes invited him over to stay for three days. Im stressed out because this random guy is staying with us for three days soon.


Every time I think about my next step, I keep my cats in mind. I cant just pack up and head somewhere for the weekend while theres a stranger in the house, because where in the world would I take them? I cant even afford to go anywhere anyway.


This all makes me miss my mother. We used to fight like crazy, but she was always there for me. Ever since shes been gone, I feel like the main support in my life is gone. We were partners and helped each other in decisions. I feel like the past two years ive been trying desperately to climb a ladder that’s not really leading anywhere, and yet I continue scrambling, and stumbling down the ladder.


The only person that ever understood me completely is gone. I feel unstable, as if I don’t have a sure footing around me. My sister been in a nasty mood since she got with her boyfriend, and keeps saying she needs her own life and for people to not bother her. Even though she stayed home living for free for a year. I love my sister. But there are moments I resent her.


Ever since my mother died the anger issues I have always had have intensified. Anyway, ive written enough, I thought I’d add some snap chat pictures of the kittys that i took today, to cheer up this post a little bit…


Im sorry that this post is me just whining and complaining. Lol

 
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Kieka

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We all need a safe space sometimes to share thoughts and get feedback from people that are outside of it all. Trust me, I get that. The joy of an internet forum is if someone doesn't want to read something, they don't have to. So know that anyone who reads and responds did so because they want to.

I don't know if it will help, but six years ago I was also working a job where I barely made enough. I did the math one time and I was going about $20 in the hole every week even working full time. A large part of that was the commute but another part was my ex. I am not going to hijack your thread with my long tale but he was an abusive manipulator and I didn't see it. Everyone else in my life did, I did lose friends over him. I was miserable but a whole lot went into why I stayed.

I ended up with two weeks off work at one point. I spent those two weeks applying to everything I could. Everything and anything regardless of how qualified I was. I ended up with ten interviews in those two weeks and from those one job offer.

It took another year for me to leave him. It hasn't been easy, some friends I lost for good, but I've also made new friends. I am not the same as I was. That job I got? It was the key to me discovering me. I got really lucky to fall into something that is wonderful. I love what I do now and they truly value me. It helps that I now make enough to pay the bills plus have a little left over. It did take a while to get there but I had to focus on me.

The point of this long drawn out share is that you have to focus on you. Don't worry about your sister or her long lost love interest. When he's there hang out in your space and apply to jobs. Don't be picky. Interviews for positions you don't want are practice. And who knows, you might find something you weren't looking for that is perfect for you.

There isn't an easy way to climb out of debt. I am not going to pretend there is. But if you haven't already, consolidating into a lower interest rate can really help. Your payments might also be lower to allow you a little wiggle room to save for your own place.

Just focus on you. What is best for you. How to get yourself (and your cats) into a better position. When you doubt tell yourself you are worth your time. Celebrate you and how wonderful you are. The rest will follow.
 
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maggiedemi

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Have you tried social services? Maybe they could help you make a plan and find an apartment based on income. I'm kind of in the same situation, living with my Dad as my roommate to save money. I would need a roommate to be able to afford rent and I don't really trust anybody else to not let the cats escape. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone, life can be difficult sometimes. Hopefully both of us will find our way. :redheartpump:
 

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Life is always difficult. That is life. You have to get out on your own. As long as you are depending on someone else to provide for you, you will have to follow their rules. Depend on your cats for support and guidance. Take one day at a time and focus on making your future a better place to be. Check into low income housing, you would certainly qualify. Pets will definitely make it harder but it can happen, especially if you explain they are your emotional support and you need them. Your sister does not sound like she is someone you need in your life right now, if she has those types of feelings towards you. Stay low and avoid conflict at all costs. You have to concentrate on your own needs and on those you love. You can work on other changes and yoru relationship with your sister once you are in a bettre place in life. Don't dwell on the past because nothing is going to change. Being self reliant and emotionally mature takes work, no one can do it for you.
Your mom is as close as your thoughts and prayers, she can still guide you if you let her. Of course you miss her, but that doesn't mean your love for each other died too.
Getting into debt is easy, getting out is MUCH, MUCH harder. That is the first thing you have to work on, even if it is twenty five dollars a week applied towards your debt. Just don't make any more. Cut back wherever possible, make your own coffee and meals at home unless you fine true deals for meals. No more Starbucks and eating out. cut back on phone plans, walk instead of driving. Once you have a goal, others follow more easily. Get that weekend job and apply ALL of that towards your debt. It's not easy, i didn't even have a place to stay fro a while when i first started, I didn't even have a car and 25 cents to my name. But it CAN be done. Just keep thinking, this is not forever! It hurts for a while, but things will get better in time. just take one day at a time.......
 
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terestrife

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Just focus on you. What is best for you. How to get yourself (and your cats) into a better position. When you doubt tell yourself you are worth your time. Celebrate you and how wonderful you are. The rest will follow.
Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. :wave3:

im glad you were able to find the strength to leave the situation you were in, and that youre in a better place now.

i really have to work on what you say and focus on myself. i tend to be that person that worries and cares more for others than i do for myself.

ive been trying for months now to find work, but its been tough. Its been my goal to stay in a government job. i may not make enough money, but government jobs are dependable. I need something steady if i want to live on my own. I need a job that wont fire me one day randomly.

thankfully there are plenty of jobs and i have been applying every day. ive started looking for weekend jobs as well.

thank you so much for the support, i started out today feeling down. But i am feeling more hopeful now. ;)


Have you tried social services? Maybe they could help you make a plan and find an apartment based on income. I'm kind of in the same situation, living with my Dad as my roommate to save money. I would need a roommate to be able to afford rent and I don't really trust anybody else to not let the cats escape. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone, life can be difficult sometimes. Hopefully both of us will find our way. :redheartpump:
No i havent tried that yet. i was looking around online, and they do offer apartments for low income individuals. but my concern is the cats. my uncle lives in one of those apartments, and he says its not a safe apartment building. i will look more into it. i know any home can be broken into, but i at least want to leave the cats in a place that isnt too bad. :sigh:

i hope you find your way as well! :goodluck: i love my family, but its not easy living with loved ones.

Life is always difficult. That is life. You have to get out on your own. As long as you are depending on someone else to provide for you, you will have to follow their rules. Depend on your cats for support and guidance.
thank you for your post! it reminds me to be grateful that i have a home when others dont, and are struggling a lot more than i am. :frown: i just got home and have been looking for jobs.

i am praying for the interview this thursday to work out. i will be much closer to home, and its a good job. thank you for the tough love, i needed that lol
 

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~ I will say this - as goofy as it may sound : If you were not having difficulty you likely would not be meeting these people who respond to you here. It feels good reading the replies and encouragement and knowing someone else is thinking about you and your situation.
Do you only have the two cats ? If so I think their friendship may help keep you sane .
Stay strong - you can do it. :hellocomputer:
 
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terestrife

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I will pray for you on Thursday too. Act confident and dress nice, they observe more then you know!
Will do, thank you so much!

~ I will say this - as goofy as it may sound : If you were not having difficulty you likely would not be meeting these people who respond to you here. It feels good reading the replies and encouragement and knowing someone else is thinking about you and your situation.
Do you only have the two cats ? If so I think their friendship may help keep you sane .
Stay strong - you can do it. :hellocomputer:
I know what you mean, I've met alot of wonderful people in this forum. They've helped me get through some hard times. And yes i only have two cats. One is mine, kitty, and elsa was my mother's cat. I kept her after my mother passed away.

I've been doing better the last couple of days. I try to avoid worrying about my sister and her issues. She's been really pushy about me video chatting or calling this guy. I already told her it takes me time to open up to meet. That I'll meet him and be kind and respectful. But she's been really pushy about me talking to him.

Her last husband i was friendly to him. But i didn't start to like him genuinely and feel comfortable with him until knowing him for a year. It takes me time to genuinely care about people. I'm trying to avoid telling her my negative thoughts. She has her daughter's video chatting with him, and that's just not me.
 
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terestrife

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I have another interview Monday:yess: not sure if my boss will like me missing. The girl that covers me is out next week. :confused2: he hates being in the front.

I've been applying to Miami Dade college and I've been called to two interviews so far. I've had a hard time being called to any of the places I've applied to. I'm praying this is a good sign. :goldstar::cheerleader:
 
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terestrife

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I was talking to my sisters youngest daughter. She was telling me her mom plans to move in with this guy on memorial weekend.

supposedly shes trying to find work near him. i havent really spoken much to my sister as i dont want to get involved.

my niece was telling me shes tempted to move down. her mom was telling her she plans to continue paying for this house. but i sincerely doubt that.

im not sure whats going to happen to this house. right now theres five people in this house, me, My sister, her oldest daughter, the daughters boyfriend, and new born son.

The boyfriend only pays $500 to live in this house. my niece isnt working as she wants to stay home and raise her son.

i had thought my sister intended to move in her new husband to this house, but apparently shes moving either higher up in florida or another state.

Im praying i am able to get the job i am interviewing for on monday.

theres a lot of uncertainty right now. im not sure what the future will bring. Im hoping this decision brings happiness to my sister, even though i dont necessarily agree with what shes doing.

ive continued applying for jobs, and am hoping for the best. :sigh::confused2:
 
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terestrife

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I'm not sure why but i've had a really low day today. Been crying and feeling down. im happy to see that my sister is doing a lot better now. Especially after seeing how devastated she was when her previous husband passed last year.

I've been wanting my own place, and to be independent. But it was always our goal to live close to each other. Knowing my sister is moving away. Reminds me of when my mother passed. i feel this odd feeling of loss.

im not quite sure why im so sad as I'm a solitary person. I dont know why but it reminds me of the days after my mother passed where i had this awful feeling of being alone and abandoned. Despite being solitary i've always liked knowing that my family is close by when needed. i dont even know why im sad. The past year hasnt been easy. My sister hasnt worked for a year, and i felt like her problems were overwhelming. But the thought that she wont be close by, just makes me really sad. I've just been really down and crying today.

p.s. thank you to @maggiedemi it feels nice to see you purraising in the forum. makes me feel like theres someone listening to my random thoughts.
 
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terestrife

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I'm listening. I have my down & crying days too. We just have to keep trying and figuring things out. ((hugs))
Thank you!:grouphug:
I don't know why but i always feel better when i come to this forum and speak my thoughts. i feel a weight lift off my slightly when i am able to just express all the feelings and thoughts that i dont normally let out.:heartshape:

Thank you to everyone else interacting in this post, it means so much to see you all passing by. You've all helped me feel better just by being here.
 

neely

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Thank you!:grouphug:
I don't know why but i always feel better when i come to this forum and speak my thoughts. You've all helped me feel better just by being here.
TCS is a community and we are here to support our members in any way we can, that's what we do. :heartshape: In fact, I was thinking about your interview today. How did it go? Fingers crossed! :crossfingers:
 
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terestrife

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TCS is a community and we are here to support our members in any way we can, that's what we do. :heartshape: In fact, I was thinking about your interview today. How did it go? Fingers crossed! :crossfingers:
i think the interview went well. they were very nice, and i did my best.;) they let me know they would be calling the top three people next week for a final interview. so hopefully i get called. :vibes:so i wont know until next week. :cringe:

thank you for asking. :heartshape:
 
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terestrife

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Update: just got the rejection email. Not sure what I'm going to do. My sister has been itching to quit her job and move in with this guy.

Her other daughter is moving down to help with the house bills. Her husband is already demanding the bigger room that used to be my sister's room. So he's coming with ideas of being a boss in the house. :argh:they're coming down with their two dogs and a cat. So not sure how they're all going to get along. We already have my two cats here and my other nieces dog. He tends to pee the house when he's upset.

Not sure what to do. Been to a few interviews but haven't had luck. :(:sniffle::frustrated:
 

Kieka

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Update: just got the rejection email. Not sure what I'm going to do. My sister has been itching to quit her job and move in with this guy.

Her other daughter is moving down to help with the house bills. Her husband is already demanding the bigger room that used to be my sister's room. So he's coming with ideas of being a boss in the house. :argh:they're coming down with their two dogs and a cat. So not sure how they're all going to get along. We already have my two cats here and my other nieces dog. He tends to pee the house when he's upset.

Not sure what to do. Been to a few interviews but haven't had luck. :(:sniffle::frustrated:
I don't know if he would be coming with the idea of being the boss or he honestly doesn't know what situation he is walking into. Story time.... My brother divorced last year and moved out of the house he shared with his ex six months earlier. They were still trying to make it work when my brother just had enough and moved out. They were no officially or unofficially separated in any way. They decided to split and he moved out that day. On the sames day he moved out, his ex's new boyfriend moved in. Very literally, he went back to the house for a second load of clothes and the boyfriends suitcase was by the door (but he was not in the house for some reason). Worst case, someone would assume the boyfriend knew the ex was still married and living with her husband. Reality, she told him she was separated and her ex had moved out weeks before. He thought, and as far as I know still thinks, my brother was just clearing out the dresser that he had just been too lazy to move.

Point of the Story....outside of the conversations we don't always know the full story and judging someone else without talking to them can lead to more problems. You are causing yourself stress worrying about the worst case and have no control of the outcome. Just worry about you and your cats. The rest will sort itself out if you stress over it or not.

Focus on you. Focus on finding a new job. Save every penny you can for the worst case but try not to worry too much about the things you can not change. The rejection hurts, I know it does. I have a great job but it still stings that four of the interviews I did five years ago didn't give me offers. But you have to keep moving and keep applying. Maybe you end up working two or three jobs for a little while to make it work while you keep looking. Maybe you find that perfect job tomorrow. But worrying, stressing and making yourself more upset focusing on things outside your control will only hurt you. You are your number one priority.
 
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terestrife

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I don't know if he would be coming with the idea of being the boss or he honestly doesn't know what situation he is walking into. Story time.... My brother divorced last year and moved out of the house he shared with his ex six months earlier. They were still trying to make it work when my brother just had enough and moved out. They were no officially or unofficially separated in any way. They decided to split and he moved out that day. On the sames day he moved out, his ex's new boyfriend moved in. Very literally, he went back to the house for a second load of clothes and the boyfriends suitcase was by the door (but he was not in the house for some reason). Worst case, someone would assume the boyfriend knew the ex was still married and living with her husband. Reality, she told him she was separated and her ex had moved out weeks before. He thought, and as far as I know still thinks, my brother was just clearing out the dresser that he had just been too lazy to move.

Point of the Story....outside of the conversations we don't always know the full story and judging someone else without talking to them can lead to more problems. You are causing yourself stress worrying about the worst case and have no control of the outcome. Just worry about you and your cats. The rest will sort itself out if you stress over it or not.

Focus on you. Focus on finding a new job. Save every penny you can for the worst case but try not to worry too much about the things you can not change. The rejection hurts, I know it does. I have a great job but it still stings that four of the interviews I did five years ago didn't give me offers. But you have to keep moving and keep applying. Maybe you end up working two or three jobs for a little while to make it work while you keep looking. Maybe you find that perfect job tomorrow. But worrying, stressing and making yourself more upset focusing on things outside your control will only hurt you. You are your number one priority.
thank you. I needed to hear that. I tend to panic before things happen. I've lived with family all my life. I'm just done with the arguments, the drama, and the pettiness. Just want some peace in my life.

I've started looking for work further up in Florida. I've been so determined to live close to my sister, and an 8 year old niece. i promised my mom i would stay close to my niece. But i have to start thinking about what's best for me. Wherever the door opens is where im going.
 
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