Venting....

[maggiedemi]

Handshakes are worse. Too germy.

 

[terestrife]

Handshakes are worse. Too germy.

I'm Hispanic. People have this annoying habit of pressing their cheeks together and making kissing sounds. I hate it so much. But its so expected that it's rude to say no. But I hate it. I prefer a handshake, I can go wash my hands. I used to wear make up. There's no way to wash your face with make up on. Drove me crazy. Lol

I'm a bit of a germaphone about some things. It's so extreme that I used to hate being hugged by my nieces and nephews thinking of how they crawl and touch everything dirty lol. I had to get over that quick as I didn't want to hurt them.

 

[maggiedemi]

I prefer a handshake, I can go wash my hands.

It's not always easy to get to a sink right away though.

 

[terestrife]

It's not always easy to get to a sink right away though.

I know, i agree. I use hand sanitizer in those occasions.

But i kind of hope this teaches people to avoid greetings like that. I prefer just to wave and say hello to people. No need to even do the weird elbow thing people are doing now.

 

[terestrife]

My sister was just telling her daughter that shes most comfortable being here than in her home in indiana. I have the feeling they're going to be here until her husbands job opens up again (general motors). Hopefully by then they dont block travel.

I warned them both about Elsa, but they arent worried. Going to have to keep an eye on things. So i can take them to my room if anything.

 

[neely]

My sister was just telling her daughter that shes most comfortable being here than in her home in indiana.

Just out of curiosity since there are more people in your home environment now are they wearing face masks and gloves when going out in public, e.g. grocery store, gas station, pharmacy, etc.? As well as cleaning surfaces in the house and washing their hands thoroughly before and after entering the house?

Regarding the hugging issue, just do what we would tell our students at school to do - personal space, please! It's become a habit and I do it myself all the time if I don't want a hug from someone.

 

[tarasgirl06]

Thats true. LOL Didnt think about that.

My sister had warned him from the beginning that i dont like hugging and things like that. lol i hugged him once because my sister kept nagging that he thought i didnt like him. I am kind to people, but it takes me a while to open up.

But then he just ended up making me uncomfortable with his obsessive hugging, and kissing me on my cheek. I dont like being touched that much. Its just the way i am. Funnily enough, my brothers daughter is the same way. He was telling me once how she hates anyone hugging her, or kissing her. Shes quiet and tends to not speak up much. Isnt that funny how things like that run in the family?

You all are not alone in that. I'm that way, too. I don't like being kissed on the mouth, by anyone, period, end of story. I don't like anyone being all over me, but in times, like if there's something going on that makes me really sad/when I'm in grief, a hug can sometimes help. And yeah, it depends on my mood as to whether I want anyone to touch me or not.

 

[terestrife]

Just out of curiosity since there are more people in your home environment now are they wearing face masks and gloves when going out in public, e.g. grocery store, gas station, pharmacy, etc.? As well as cleaning surfaces in the house and washing their hands thoroughly before and after entering the house?

Regarding the hugging issue, just do what we would tell our students at school to do - personal space, please! It's become a habit and I do it myself all the time if I don't want a hug from someone.

Yes, they are, all of them use masks and gloves. They even take around hand sanitizer for shopping carts. The one that worries me is my nieces boyfriend. He wears gloves, but i sometimes dont see him wash his hands when he gets here. He thinks the gloves are enough. My niece has to remind him like a child. He even gave his child to drink from his water. We could be carrying the virus and not have symptoms, he is so stupid.

I like that saying to avoid hugs. lol I am going to try it out. thank you!

You all are not alone in that. I'm that way, too. I don't like being kissed on the mouth, by anyone, period, end of story. I don't like anyone being all over me, but in times, like if there's something going on that makes me really sad/when I'm in grief, a hug can sometimes help. And yeah, it depends on my mood as to whether I want anyone to touch me or not.

Thats exactly how i am. I have my moments where i can give family/friends a hug, but i have to be in the mood for it. I dont like being that are too touchy feely. I always felt bad about it, like i was being mean. But why should we force ourselves to be uncomfortable to make others happy? I was uncomfortable the entire time he was here last time, and i stupidly didnt speak up.

 

[tarasgirl06]

Yes, they are, all of them use masks and gloves. They even take around hand sanitizer for shopping carts. The one that worries me is my nieces boyfriend. He wears gloves, but i sometimes dont see him wash his hands when he gets here. He thinks the gloves are enough. My niece has to remind him like a child. He even gave his child to drink from his water. We could be carrying the virus and not have symptoms, he is so stupid.

I like that saying to avoid hugs. lol I am going to try it out. thank you!





Thats exactly how i am. I have my moments where i can give family/friends a hug, but i have to be in the mood for it. I dont like being that are too touchy feely. I always felt bad about it, like i was being mean. But why should we force ourselves to be uncomfortable to make others happy? I was uncomfortable the entire time he was here last time, and i stupidly didnt speak up.

I went through a period when I was growing up when I just didn't want to wash my hands -- this guy may be that way, too, but like with my roomies, if I have to remind them, I have to remind them because we don't get do-overs if we catch this scourge. So I wouldn't let him slide on that even if he resents it/doesn't think it's important. IT IS. I actually sent my roomies a little video of hand washing so they'd know how long to wash for, and why -- I'd never known this information until I saw this video, and once I saw it, it made perfect sense to me. I posted it in the Cat Lounge on April 3, post #1,617.

 

[terestrife]

I went through a period when I was growing up when I just didn't want to wash my hands -- this guy may be that way, too, but like with my roomies, if I have to remind them, I have to remind them because we don't get do-overs if we catch this scourge. So I wouldn't let him slide on that even if he resents it/doesn't think it's important. IT IS. I actually sent my roomies a little video of hand washing so they'd know how long to wash for, and why -- I'd never known this information until I saw this video, and once I saw it, it made perfect sense to me. I posted it in the Cat Lounge on April 3, post #1,617.

This reminds me of my nieces and nephews. If i caught them coming out of the bathroom, i would ask them if they washed their hands. LOL they would always quietly go back in and wash them.

I'll check out the post you mentioned. Ive already sent hand washing instructions that i found online to family. lol I'll remind him if i catch him not washing his hands. I had to tell him today not to share drinks with the baby.

 

[terestrife]

The peace and quiet is gone. lol I love my family, but i miss the quiet i had when they were gone. As everyone here knows, my mental health isnt in a good place. They keep asking me to watch my nephew who cries for ever little thing. Normally i love kids, but i feel overwhelmed every time he throws a tantrum. Probably because im not feeling well, physically or mentally.

Mind you, i helped raise my niece who is very temperamental, so im used to crying kids. Just not up for it right now. I feel guilt that i dont want him going to the stores, so i watch him when they ask. But to be honest, i wish they would just leave me alone. My sister is noticing that i mostly stay in my room. I only go downstairs to eat or to make sure the kitties are okay.

Once the world starts going back to normal, i want to start researching places in florida that are cheap to live and see if any jobs open up. I dont want to be too far from miami, because i go to see the niece i raised every other weekend. I dedicate an entire day and spend it with her. I dont mind driving a couple of hours or so, just dont want to be too far.

Perhaps if im further away, the family will stop depending on me. My niece always asks me for help with the baby, and right now i just need peace and quiet. Makes me feel better to plan for the future. lol Even though right now everything is uncertain for everyone.

 

[tarasgirl06]

The peace and quiet is gone. lol I love my family, but i miss the quiet i had when they were gone. As everyone here knows, my mental health isnt in a good place. They keep asking me to watch my nephew who cries for ever little thing. Normally i love kids, but i feel overwhelmed every time he throws a tantrum. Probably because im not feeling well, physically or mentally.

Mind you, i helped raise my niece who is very temperamental, so im used to crying kids. Just not up for it right now. I feel guilt that i dont want him going to the stores, so i watch him when they ask. But to be honest, i wish they would just leave me alone. My sister is noticing that i mostly stay in my room. I only go downstairs to eat or to make sure the kitties are okay.

Once the world starts going back to normal, i want to start researching places in florida that are cheap to live and see if any jobs open up. I dont want to be too far from miami, because i go to see the niece i raised every other weekend. I dedicate an entire day and spend it with her. I dont mind driving a couple of hours or so, just dont want to be too far.

Perhaps if im further away, the family will stop depending on me. My niece always asks me for help with the baby, and right now i just need peace and quiet. Makes me feel better to plan for the future. lol Even though right now everything is uncertain for everyone.

Sounds like a good plan. And I empathize -- I think many, if not most, of us seek serenity and calm more than ever right now. We need reassurance we can't get, because it doesn't exist. But everyone is stressed and down, whether or not they know or admit it, and everyone acts that out in their own way. I try to take things down to the basics and the most important, and put my attention and energy on them, like you're doing. We all want *This too shall pass* to happen. But it isn't happening yet and no one knows when it will so we all have to hunker down and put our best face on it. I think of it very much as being in wartime, because this IS a war. The ones who survived wars are often those who have a lot of patience, inner strength, and fortitude.

 

[terestrife]

Sounds like a good plan. And I empathize -- I think many, if not most, of us seek serenity and calm more than ever right now. We need reassurance we can't get, because it doesn't exist. But everyone is stressed and down, whether or not they know or admit it, and everyone acts that out in their own way. I try to take things down to the basics and the most important, and put my attention and energy on them, like you're doing. We all want *This too shall pass* to happen. But it isn't happening yet and no one knows when it will so we all have to hunker down and put our best face on it. I think of it very much as being in wartime, because this IS a war. The ones who survived wars are often those who have a lot of patience, inner strength, and fortitude.

You make complete sense. Its hard to wait for things to get better, and i know this is an issue going on world wide.

It makes me feel better to imagine a better future. The past 3 years have been the worse i have been through. I keep feeling the need for solitude and its just not happening.

 

[tarasgirl06]

You make complete sense. Its hard to wait for things to get better, and i know this is an issue going on world wide.

It makes me feel better to imagine a better future. The past 3 years have been the worse i have been through. I keep feeling the need for solitude and its just not happening.

I was wanting the opposite, and the opportunity dropped into my lap, so to speak, when my roomie told me they were selling their house. It's not perfect, but in this time, we support each other so well, and can talk about our concerns, etc. They are helpful to me and I try to be to them as well. So sometimes things we don't think can happen, do happen, out of the blue. The one thing we know is that change is a constant part of life.

 

[terestrife]

I was wanting the opposite, and the opportunity dropped into my lap, so to speak, when my roomie told me they were selling their house. It's not perfect, but in this time, we support each other so well, and can talk about our concerns, etc. They are helpful to me and I try to be to them as well. So sometimes things we don't think can happen, do happen, out of the blue. The one thing we know is that change is a constant part of life.

Thats awesome, i am glad you have a support system, thats very important. I can get why people want the companionship. Personally, i have lived in houses filled with other people my entire life. Years of arguments and drama. Its easier to get into silly fights when it is a blood relative. Im not sure why.

 

[tarasgirl06]

Thats awesome, i am glad you have a support system, thats very important. I can get why people want the companionship. Personally, i have lived in houses filled with other people my entire life. Years of arguments and drama. Its easier to get into silly fights when it is a blood relative. Im not sure why.

Oh, me too, coming from a background where we live with extended family and are with them almost all the time. Of course it's easiest to have differences among people when they're so close. We all have our moods, our preferences, and our times of being just plain hard to live with/deal with. In a communal living situation it's always good for each person to have a private space to go to when needed. My roomies and I each live our own lives, and do most things separately, but when we are together it is always amicable. After working out some of wrinkles initially, things are running very smoothly now. I'm not comfortable being a "landlord" or telling a man what to do/not to do because my background is very patriarchal and I am very comfortable with that. But it is my house so I have had to do and say things I'm not used to doing/saying so that everything is good between us.

 

[terestrife]

Oh, me too, coming from a background where we live with extended family and are with them almost all the time. Of course it's easiest to have differences among people when they're so close. We all have our moods, our preferences, and our times of being just plain hard to live with/deal with. In a communal living situation it's always good for each person to have a private space to go to when needed. My roomies and I each live our own lives, and do most things separately, but when we are together it is always amicable. After working out some of wrinkles initially, things are running very smoothly now. I'm not comfortable being a "landlord" or telling a man what to do/not to do because my background is very patriarchal and I am very comfortable with that. But it is my house so I have had to do and say things I'm not used to doing/saying so that everything is good between us.

I have the same problem, i am not that great at speaking up/being confrontational about issues. In my family if you give your opinion, even if you do it kindly, it can blow up into a ridiculous fight. So i learned not to bother. I am glad that things are working out well for you. Dont like the thought of someone living somewhere that they are uncomfortable. So im happy for you.

---

I've gotten to the point that i just dont want to bother. I do what i can to get along with my niece as i do love her. But i dont want to worry if other people are doing what they are supposed to be doing. Tired of having to constantly check if people are being decent enough to leave the doors closed so my cats dont get out. Every time i go out, i worry the kitties wont be here when i come back. What i worry about in this house doesnt matter. I have told my niece i worry about the door, and dont want the laundry room open as i worry about them getting in the machines. You think anyone bothers being careful? nope. lol I have told them many times.

It was made clear during our last meeting where we talked about the money issues in the house. My sister the entire time kept mentioning how her daughter (who lives here free with her son) cant be worrying about money or the house. She has fatty liver disease and cant have the stress! Over and over thats all she mentioned.

I think she noticed the way she sounded, and randomly mentioned that i cant be stressed out either. Almost like an after thought. lol I have a chance of getting cancer if the abnormal cells i have get worse, and yet im working like anyone else. She wasnt worried about my stress as she asked me for money, while i was working being in pain. And she and her daughter were comfortably living rent free. lol P.S. i am worried about my niece too. The point im making is that i feel like an outsider.

All that matters is what my niece wants. She gets the biggest rooms for her and her boyfriend. She gets the upstairs hallway for her child, so i had to move my cats down. Now her child is downstairs making my cat nervous. This whole house is controlled by them. I constantly have to shoo my cats off of furniture or they start yelling at them.

Personally i want my own place so the cats can go where they want and i dont need to deal with absolutely anyone else. I think the only reason we get along is because i gave up on fighting. On trying to make things more fair in this house.

I get wanting companionship, but being mostly alone this past month, was the most peace i felt in the 3 years since my mother passed away. And it made me realize that i am willing to do whatever it takes to get that peace again.

Sorry, just feeling stressed with everyone here and cant wait for them to leave. My sister was telling me she misses miami and wants to eventually move down. I have to get out of this house before she decides to do that.

 

[tarasgirl06]

I have the same problem, i am not that great at speaking up/being confrontational about issues. In my family if you give your opinion, even if you do it kindly, it can blow up into a ridiculous fight. So i learned not to bother. I am glad that things are working out well for you. Dont like the thought of someone living somewhere that they are uncomfortable. So im happy for you.

---

I've gotten to the point that i just dont want to bother. I do what i can to get along with my niece as i do love her. But i dont want to worry if other people are doing what they are supposed to be doing. Tired of having to constantly check if people are being decent enough to leave the doors closed so my cats dont get out. Every time i go out, i worry the kitties wont be here when i come back. What i worry about in this house doesnt matter. I have told my niece i worry about the door, and dont want the laundry room open as i worry about them getting in the machines. You think anyone bothers being careful? nope. lol I have told them many times.

It was made clear during our last meeting where we talked about the money issues in the house. My sister the entire time kept mentioning how her daughter (who lives here free with her son) cant be worrying about money or the house. She has fatty liver disease and cant have the stress! Over and over thats all she mentioned.

I think she noticed the way she sounded, and randomly mentioned that i cant be stressed out either. Almost like an after thought. lol I have a chance of getting cancer if the abnormal cells i have get worse, and yet im working like anyone else. She wasnt worried about my stress as she asked me for money, while i was working being in pain. And she and her daughter were comfortably living rent free. lol P.S. i am worried about my niece too. The point im making is that i feel like an outsider.

All that matters is what my niece wants. She gets the biggest rooms for her and her boyfriend. She gets the upstairs hallway for her child, so i had to move my cats down. Now her child is downstairs making my cat nervous. This whole house is controlled by them. I constantly have to shoo my cats off of furniture or they start yelling at them.

Personally i want my own place so the cats can go where they want and i dont need to deal with absolutely anyone else. I think the only reason we get along is because i gave up on fighting. On trying to make things more fair in this house.

I get wanting companionship, but being mostly alone this past month, was the most peace i felt in the 3 years since my mother passed away. And it made me realize that i am willing to do whatever it takes to get that peace again.

Sorry, just feeling stressed with everyone here and cant wait for them to leave. My sister was telling me she misses miami and wants to eventually move down. I have to get out of this house before she decides to do that.

Even worse than having bad neighbors is having a house full of disharmony! And in this society especially, it's "all about me" all the time, for almost everyone. That makes it very difficult to reason with people. I would feel like you do! but when you have dependents who count on you to keep them safe, well cared for and loved, giving up is not an option. The very first thing I talked about when interviewing my roomies was the FACT that in my house, my cats come first, always, and I said, "Their lives will not change" meaning that their things will stay where they are including in the bathroom they will have, and their schedule for eating will remain the same. I told them about doors and that there must always be a closed door between my cats and any open door, period. I watched them carefully for awhile until I was absolutely sure they were doing this every time. I gave each of them a set of keys, explained each of them to them, and made sure the keys all work. I also told them never to answer the door, that I will take care of that, and that I do not answer the door to anyone I don't know; I also do not answer the door after dark. We discussed company, parties, etc. and we're not having company or parties. If they have someone come into town to see them, those people will have to stay in a hotel as I cannot and will not accomodate any guests. We're not party people, so that is not a problem for us. If my roomies trip up on anything like this, I remind them. And they seem to have gotten this, though they can be forgetful from time to time about other things (but they're getting better all the time). This may seem harsh to some, but it is my house and yes, I do make the rules. The reason I make the rules is to make life easier for all of us and to keep my loved ones -- my cats -- safe. It's a take-it-or-leave-it situation and my roomies have taken it. We get along very well.
When we first moved here, I was very glad not to have to live with other people, too, coming out of an acrimonious divorce. It's (not) funny how someone who becomes your family and the very closest person to you becomes your worst enemy over time. This is what happened. So yes, I absolutely understand about wanting the freedom from that!

 

[terestrife]

Even worse than having bad neighbors is having a house full of disharmony! And in this society especially, it's "all about me" all the time, for almost everyone. That makes it very difficult to reason with people. I would feel like you do! but when you have dependents who count on you to keep them safe, well cared for and loved, giving up is not an option. The very first thing I talked about when interviewing my roomies was the FACT that in my house, my cats come first, always, and I said, "Their lives will not change" meaning that their things will stay where they are including in the bathroom they will have, and their schedule for eating will remain the same. I told them about doors and that there must always be a closed door between my cats and any open door, period. I watched them carefully for awhile until I was absolutely sure they were doing this every time. I gave each of them a set of keys, explained each of them to them, and made sure the keys all work. I also told them never to answer the door, that I will take care of that, and that I do not answer the door to anyone I don't know; I also do not answer the door after dark. We discussed company, parties, etc. and we're not having company or parties. If they have someone come into town to see them, those people will have to stay in a hotel as I cannot and will not accomodate any guests. We're not party people, so that is not a problem for us. If my roomies trip up on anything like this, I remind them. And they seem to have gotten this, though they can be forgetful from time to time about other things (but they're getting better all the time). This may seem harsh to some, but it is my house and yes, I do make the rules. The reason I make the rules is to make life easier for all of us and to keep my loved ones -- my cats -- safe. It's a take-it-or-leave-it situation and my roomies have taken it. We get along very well.
When we first moved here, I was very glad not to have to live with other people, too, coming out of an acrimonious divorce. It's (not) funny how someone who becomes your family and the very closest person to you becomes your worst enemy over time. This is what happened. So yes, I absolutely understand about wanting the freedom from that!

Thats what frustrates me. Because i try to get along with everyone in the house. My niece is home all day and cant seem to keep the kitchen clean, so i step in and clean up after other people. I dont ask for much, as i completely understand this isnt my home. i just ask that my cats be looked after, and it sucks that they cant do that one thing for me.

I really like the rules in your house. Thats the kind of harmony i would want in my house, that everyone listens, and respects each other. I dont blame you for the rules you have. Its for your safety and your pets. Once i have my home, anyone that comes by WILL have to listen to my rules. Family or not, they can only stay over if they keep the doors closed at all times, and leave the cats alone. Otherwise they wont be staying over. I put up with everyone elses rules, so its time to have a place thats my own.

I am really glad you got lucky with the room mates you have. Its ideal, and saves you money. I am so happy that you went from such a bad situation to a better one.

 

[tarasgirl06]

"Thats what frustrates me. Because i try to get along with everyone in the house. My niece is home all day and cant seem to keep the kitchen clean, so i step in and clean up after other people. I dont ask for much, as i completely understand this isnt my home. i just ask that my cats be looked after, and it sucks that they cant do that one thing for me. "

My roomies have adapted since joining us in mid-November. She was far from good about the kitchen AND their bathroom. I kept gently repeating things. I even got less than gentle when my patience failed. Ditto with him, because he takes and makes a lot of phone calls in the middle of the night and I am an insomniac and a very light sleeper. It's a big house, so we've worked out a solution to that which involves closing a door in the front hallway and him making his calls in the living room. It works!!! I love this house because it has a LOT of doors and they're all solid, none of those hollow-core things. The walls are thick lath and plaster, no drywall. There are 10 rooms and it's a house that looks smallish in the front but is on its side, so to speak -- it runs back and back and back. So it's a very good house for a family, which is what it was built for. But yes, repetition has worked for us, and if anyone slips up I just try to choose an appropriate time and be polite and patient in repeating the request. A friend of mine who is a doctor thinks from what I've discussed with her that they both have some cognitive issues, so it's not "their fault" and that, plus language barriers, can make things challenging, but underlying it all is the fact that I love them dearly and they have high regard for me and my beloved feline family members.