Venting....

[neely]

Its easier to get into silly fights when it is a blood relative. Im not sure why.

That's easy, it's because you can pick your friends BUT you can't pick your relatives.

 

[tarasgirl06]

That's easy, it's because you can pick your friends BUT you can't pick your relatives.

*Yeah, there's that!*

 

[terestrife]

"Thats what frustrates me. Because i try to get along with everyone in the house. My niece is home all day and cant seem to keep the kitchen clean, so i step in and clean up after other people. I dont ask for much, as i completely understand this isnt my home. i just ask that my cats be looked after, and it sucks that they cant do that one thing for me. "

My roomies have adapted since joining us in mid-November. She was far from good about the kitchen AND their bathroom. I kept gently repeating things. I even got less than gentle when my patience failed. Ditto with him, because he takes and makes a lot of phone calls in the middle of the night and I am an insomniac and a very light sleeper. It's a big house, so we've worked out a solution to that which involves closing a door in the front hallway and him making his calls in the living room. It works!!! I love this house because it has a LOT of doors and they're all solid, none of those hollow-core things. The walls are thick lath and plaster, no drywall. There are 10 rooms and it's a house that looks smallish in the front but is on its side, so to speak -- it runs back and back and back. So it's a very good house for a family, which is what it was built for. But yes, repetition has worked for us, and if anyone slips up I just try to choose an appropriate time and be polite and patient in repeating the request. A friend of mine who is a doctor thinks from what I've discussed with her that they both have some cognitive issues, so it's not "their fault" and that, plus language barriers, can make things challenging, but underlying it all is the fact that I love them dearly and they have high regard for me and my beloved feline family members.

At least they try to listen to you. Thats the way a house should be. People working together and caring about each other.

The people in this house, i have told them over and over to just leave things on the porch, then bring it in. But they open the door and bring their stuff in. Repetition hasnt worked. I dont know if they're more careful if im not there to watch the door. I'm not sure what happens when im not here. I've even spoken to my sister and have seen no changes.

I lost my patience once with my nieces boyfriend once and he did at least start being more careful. but like i said, its not my house and the only one they listen to is my sister.

That's easy, it's because you can pick your friends BUT you can't pick your relatives.

That is so true. Its why im so picky with the friends i have kept.

 

[tarasgirl06]

At least they try to listen to you. Thats the way a house should be. People working together and caring about each other.

The people in this house, i have told them over and over to just leave things on the porch, then bring it in. But they open the door and bring their stuff in. Repetition hasnt worked. I dont know if they're more careful if im not there to watch the door. I'm not sure what happens when im not here. I've even spoken to my sister and have seen no changes.

I lost my patience once with my nieces boyfriend once and he did at least start being more careful. but like i said, its not my house and the only one they listen to is my sister.


That is so true. Its why im so picky with the friends i have kept.

I hate to say this and no offense to anyone -- I wouldn't presume to know your relatives or their loved ones' intellectual abilities or depth of empathy -- but there may (or may not) be cognitive issues at play there, too. Remind, remind, remind! patiently as you can, and caringly as you can. I felt the same way when my roomies missed things over and over again. And they still do, from time to time, and I am very frustrated and irritated when they do, so I try to take some deep breaths, calm myself down, and wait for the best time to bring up the subject. I explained to my roomies right at the start that in my family, cats have never been "pets" but always beloved FAMILY MEMBERS who are every bit as important as other, human, family members. Once when Elvis hid himself so well I couldn't find him, and then let himself be seen, I explained to my roomie that it was as if another person had lost their child and couldn't find it/him/her. She understood and agreed. I used to cat-sit their beloved cat, who passed away a few years back (and I was present at that sorrowful event. He had to be helped to the Bridge because he was incurably ill and suffering, which I had to explain to her as best I could. She has never gotten over it, swears she will never adopt another cat because her love for their boy was so deep.) so they do have the concept of a cat being loved to that degree. If you can establish connection with your housemates by making it something THEY understand because it is important to THEM, such as a toddler escaping into the street and getting lost, then you're on your way to victory, so to speak.

 

[terestrife]

I hate to say this and no offense to anyone -- I wouldn't presume to know your relatives or their loved ones' intellectual abilities or depth of empathy -- but there may (or may not) be cognitive issues at play there, too. Remind, remind, remind! patiently as you can, and caringly as you can. I felt the same way when my roomies missed things over and over again. And they still do, from time to time, and I am very frustrated and irritated when they do, so I try to take some deep breaths, calm myself down, and wait for the best time to bring up the subject. I explained to my roomies right at the start that in my family, cats have never been "pets" but always beloved FAMILY MEMBERS who are every bit as important as other, human, family members. Once when Elvis hid himself so well I couldn't find him, and then let himself be seen, I explained to my roomie that it was as if another person had lost their child and couldn't find it/him/her. She understood and agreed. I used to cat-sit their beloved cat, who passed away a few years back (and I was present at that sorrowful event. He had to be helped to the Bridge because he was incurably ill and suffering, which I had to explain to her as best I could. She has never gotten over it, swears she will never adopt another cat because her love for their boy was so deep.) so they do have the concept of a cat being loved to that degree. If you can establish connection with your housemates by making it something THEY understand because it is important to THEM, such as a toddler escaping into the street and getting lost, then you're on your way to victory, so to speak.

i tried that with my brother, and he got so offended. He was angry that i had compared my cats to his children. This was when i lived in my childhood home. Every home i go to i have problems because of the cats, and people not understanding.

Dont get me wrong, my sister claims that she hears my niece checking on my cats while i am at work. I just dont know if they are careful with the doors when i am not around. If i am there, they just let me keep an eye out for them. I heard my nieces BF one time ask her to look out for the cats while he brought things in. So maybe they are more careful when im not around. But i dont trust my niece. Shes the one that had her dog bleeding (from ticks/fleas) in the garage and only helped him when her mother told her to help him. He had huge chunks of fur missing. I have video footage of what the dog looked like. If i didnt step in, i dont know what would have happened to that dog.

So she cares about animals in passing, but she will never see them as a part of the family. She cares about him enough she says to not rehome him, because she knows he will be put down.

 

[tarasgirl06]

i tried that with my brother, and he got so offended. He was angry that i had compared my cats to his children. This was when i lived in my childhood home. Every home i go to i have problems because of the cats, and people not understanding.

Dont get me wrong, my sister claims that she hears my niece checking on my cats while i am at work. I just dont know if they are careful with the doors when i am not around. If i am there, they just let me keep an eye out for them. I heard my nieces BF one time ask her to look out for the cats while he brought things in. So maybe they are more careful when im not around. But i dont trust my niece. Shes the one that had her dog bleeding (from ticks/fleas) in the garage and only helped him when her mother told her to help him. He had huge chunks of fur missing. I have video footage of what the dog looked like. If i didnt step in, i dont know what would have happened to that dog.

So she cares about animals in passing, but she will never see them as a part of the family. She cares about him enough she says to not rehome him, because she knows he will be put down.

We're all blank slates at birth, and we learn whatever we absorb from the world around us. I don't believe people are "born good" -- we need to be educated to have compassion, rather than just a survival instinct. I still say repetition, and living as an example, can have good results. And no matter what the other person's thoughts, your cats are your FAMILY, and are dependent on you for their safety and wellbeing, so there's no wiggle room there.

 

[terestrife]

We're all blank slates at birth, and we learn whatever we absorb from the world around us. I don't believe people are "born good" -- we need to be educated to have compassion, rather than just a survival instinct. I still say repetition, and living as an example, can have good results. And no matter what the other person's thoughts, your cats are your FAMILY, and are dependent on you for their safety and wellbeing, so there's no wiggle room there.

Dont worry, i am always there protecting them. lol I have insomnia due to medication i am on, so i sometimes check on them randomly in the middle of them night. I am constantly checking to make sure they are okay. Thats never going to stop.

I am feeling bad for Elsa. I find that shes not as active shes my nephew has started walking around downstairs. She stays mostly on her tree. She is thin and tends to stay up longer than my chubby girl, Kitty.

Thank you for all your advice, i appreciate it. I wish i lived in a house like yours. I really do.

 

[tarasgirl06]

Dont worry, i am always there protecting them. lol I have insomnia due to medication i am on, so i sometimes check on them randomly in the middle of them night. I am constantly checking to make sure they are okay. Thats never going to stop.

I am feeling bad for Elsa. I find that shes not as active shes my nephew has started walking around downstairs. She stays mostly on her tree. She is thin and tends to stay up longer than my chubby girl, Kitty.

Thank you for all your advice, i appreciate it. I wish i lived in a house like yours. I really do.

*SO DO I, my friend and I pray something very good will soon happen so that you and your beloveds will have a better life.*

 

[terestrife]

*SO DO I, my friend and I pray something very good will soon happen so that you and your beloveds will have a better life.*

i hope so too. I appreciate any prayers or positive thoughts.

-


thankfully my sister has been mostly leaving me alone, and isnt insanely nagging/screaming like normal. I think she realizes that im genuinely not feeling well. Now is when i am starting to feel better after my last d&c/biopsy. Im starting to realize that it takes me longer than normal to heal. I wonder if its from being pre-diabetic? I spend most of my days sleeping now. Thats all i really want to do is just sleep. I've been wanting to do a scrapbook for my nephew and just dont feel the desire to do so.

My sister wants me to eventually go through my containers in the garage and im dreading that. I dont want to get rid of anything that might be useful in my next home.

They're wasting so much money fixing up the house, when they havent bothered paying the mortgage since my sister moved out. LOL they are cleaning it with pressure washing, which means im going to be stuck with a high water bill. they're going to buy a dish washer, and they're painting and doing repairs. Its such a waste of money. Especially since her husband is going to apply for unemployment. Its just so stupid.

He works for a car manufacturer and he said he wasnt paid on his last paycheck.

 

[tarasgirl06]

i hope so too. I appreciate any prayers or positive thoughts.

-


thankfully my sister has been mostly leaving me alone, and isnt insanely nagging/screaming like normal. I think she realizes that im genuinely not feeling well. Now is when i am starting to feel better after my last d&c/biopsy. Im starting to realize that it takes me longer than normal to heal. I wonder if its from being pre-diabetic? I spend most of my days sleeping now. Thats all i really want to do is just sleep. I've been wanting to do a scrapbook for my nephew and just dont feel the desire to do so.

My sister wants me to eventually go through my containers in the garage and im dreading that. I dont want to get rid of anything that might be useful in my next home.

They're wasting so much money fixing up the house, when they havent bothered paying the mortgage since my sister moved out. LOL they are cleaning it with pressure washing, which means im going to be stuck with a high water bill. they're going to buy a dish washer, and they're painting and doing repairs. Its such a waste of money. Especially since her husband is going to apply for unemployment. Its just so stupid.

He works for a car manufacturer and he said he wasnt paid on his last paycheck.

Sleep is one of nature's ways of protecting us when our immune systems are not at the optimum. Nothing wrong with sleeping and relaxing and taking it easy. Good she is lightening up, for whatever reason, and hope it lasts.
That doesn't seem at all fair that they pressure wash the house and YOU pay the bill for it. Just sayin'.
Hope you can keep your things. Again, it doesn't seem fair for them to pressure you to discard things you may need. Buying them again is counterproductive. My roomies sold the contents of their home for next to nothing and took 13 carloads of her things (clothes, accessories, etc.) to the Goodwill. I have no idea why. I suggested they look into public storage and thankfully they did. They have a really small space locally that he says is up to the ceiling full. (I have no idea where all of these things were when they lived in their house, which was always immaculate and orderly when I was there, which was quite a bit!)
When and if you do feel up to it, the scrapbook sounds like a nice project!

 

[terestrife]

Sleep is one of nature's ways of protecting us when our immune systems are not at the optimum. Nothing wrong with sleeping and relaxing and taking it easy. Good she is lightening up, for whatever reason, and hope it lasts.
That doesn't seem at all fair that they pressure wash the house and YOU pay the bill for it. Just sayin'.
Hope you can keep your things. Again, it doesn't seem fair for them to pressure you to discard things you may need. Buying them again is counterproductive. My roomies sold the contents of their home for next to nothing and took 13 carloads of her things (clothes, accessories, etc.) to the Goodwill. I have no idea why. I suggested they look into public storage and thankfully they did. They have a really small space locally that he says is up to the ceiling full. (I have no idea where all of these things were when they lived in their house, which was always immaculate and orderly when I was there, which was quite a bit!)
When and if you do feel up to it, the scrapbook sounds like a nice project!

Dont worry if the bill is too high, i will let them know i cant pay it. Her husband is getting unemployment, and my nieces boyfriend is barely working. It seems like i have a lot of stuff, but its only because i have one bedroom, and no other space in the house.

I did get rid of clothes recently that didnt fit, and that i wouldnt wear even if i ever lost weight. But i'm going to try to avoid tossing things that i will need. Hopefully she wont nag about it too much.

Im not sure if i heard right, but i think my sister and her husband were saying they would leave between the 24th to the 26th. I really hope thats true. Im hoping Elsa will come out from hiding once they leave. Im hoping she'll be more comfortable with the baby being loose down here. I rarely see her come out during the day, and it makes me nervous that she needs to go by the baby to reach her litter box.

Cats hang out in the living room, their toilet is in the hallway next to the kitchen. The baby goes around all the areas downstairs. Not sure if i should worry. In my litter robot app, they dont seem to use their toilets during the day anyway. Mostly in the mornings/afternoons/middle of the night. My sister doesnt want the litter box in the living room. I told her i was worried about this, and she didnt say anything and ignored me. thankfully he isnt downstairs all day. i hope they can tell when he isnt around.

 

[terestrife]

Now it turns out they are leaving may the 28th. I think they might stay even longer, because the only reason he is going back, is because his job wants them to report in. General motors will apparently tell them whats going to happen on May the 4th. They are waiting on the governor to decide if they will open.

He wasnt paid on his last paycheck. So, not sure how long they will stay here. Might sound silly, but im thinking of my cats. Just want them to have peace and quiet.

 

[tarasgirl06]

Now it turns out they are leaving may the 28th. I think they might stay even longer, because the only reason he is going back, is because his job wants them to report in. General motors will apparently tell them whats going to happen on May the 4th. They are waiting on the governor to decide if they will open.

He wasnt paid on his last paycheck. So, not sure how long they will stay here. Might sound silly, but im thinking of my cats. Just want them to have peace and quiet.

"Silly"??? Not to me!!! That's a long time to have to wait. But I hope and pray you can all get through it without too much stress. It's too bad you can't move the litter box into an area that is quiet and traffic-free. All of the cat experts stress this as being VERY important and that failure to do this is one of the main reasons cats eliminate in "inappropriate" places. They can certainly tell when an area is free, though, as their hearing is much, much more acute than ours and they are far more sensitive and intuitive than humans according to some experts (I agree with this).

 

[terestrife]

"Silly"??? Not to me!!! That's a long time to have to wait. But I hope and pray you can all get through it without too much stress. It's too bad you can't move the litter box into an area that is quiet and traffic-free. All of the cat experts stress this as being VERY important and that failure to do this is one of the main reasons cats eliminate in "inappropriate" places. They can certainly tell when an area is free, though, as their hearing is much, much more acute than ours and they are far more sensitive and intuitive than humans according to some experts (I agree with this).

The only way to put it closer would be in the living room and she already told me once she didnt want it there. That its disgusting to be seen by the guests. Im not sure how else to get it closer to her. She is spending more time downstairs now that her mom is here. Im hoping she'll go back to spending time up here once she leaves.

I'll keep an eye on her though.

Here they are hiding during the day. lol I moved elsas little house inward so the baby wont bother her. Been working really well. I still dont see her out much during the day which worries me. I saw her becoming active last night once everyone was upstairs.

 

[catapault]

Can you get a large cardboard box, big enough to hold the litter pan. Cut an enter and an exit opening. Decorate box - spray paint, glue on pictures, use crayons, fabric, whatever. And put it in the living room. Guests (which is not going to happen in the sequester at home times but let's not start an argument with her) will see a delightfully unique crafted object.

 

[terestrife]

Can you get a large cardboard box, big enough to hold the litter pan. Cut an enter and an exit opening. Decorate box - spray paint, glue on pictures, use crayons, fabric, whatever. And put it in the living room. Guests (which is not going to happen in the sequester at home times but let's not start an argument with her) will see a delightfully unique crafted object.

i use a litter robot so that will be hard to hide. i have back problems so its helpful to only deal with it a couple of times a week.

if she knows what it is, it will bug her to have it in the living room even if its enclosed. unless i hide it and dont tell her what it is which i dont see happening. She can tell when something is out of place. I will ask her if i can move it closer, but i dont see that happening.

 

[tarasgirl06]

C catapault your idea is excellent. There are a lot of fancy enclosures for litter boxes that can run from affordable to quite $$$, but you have hit on a way to accomplish the goal without having to spend a lot! TYSM.
terestrife Such beauties! And very nice cat bed and activity center, too.

 

[terestrife]

C catapault your idea is excellent. There are a lot of fancy enclosures for litter boxes that can run from affordable to quite $$$, but you have hit on a way to accomplish the goal without having to spend a lot! TYSM.
terestrife Such beauties! And very nice cat bed and activity center, too.

Thank you for the compliment. I'll be asking my sister soon, everyone is outside doing renovations.

Just got a call from my gyno. He's going to increase my medication. He says there was some improvement but not enough. My cells are refusing to go back to normal. He says if things dont improve after a year then we will discuss surgery. I am scared of how i will react to more of this medication. I have gained weight and all i want to do is sleep. im worried, and dont know what the right thing to do is.

thankfully nothing cancerous has been found so far.

 

[tarasgirl06]

Thank you for the compliment. I'll be asking my sister soon, everyone is outside doing renovations.

Just got a call from my gyno. He's going to increase my medication. He says there was some improvement but not enough. My cells are refusing to go back to normal. He says if things dont improve after a year then we will discuss surgery. I am scared of how i will react to more of this medication. I have gained weight and all i want to do is sleep. im worried, and dont know what the right thing to do is.

thankfully nothing cancerous has been found so far.

Well, IMHO now is not the time to look at the big picture. The most crucial thing is the thing to focus on right now, which is what you and your team are doing. I know weight gain is not great, but a lot of drugs do cause/facilitate/exacerbate it. While you have to be on these drugs, I'd focus just on reaching the goal with that. As for sleepiness, it sounds like it might be "just what the doctor ordered" in your current situation! as long as you can give your beloved cats the care they need, and be the best to YOU that you can be under the circumstances. As a friend of mine advises me, "pick your battles" and prioritize.

 

[Lari]

I'm glad there's nothing cancerous so far!