Post Your Best "groaner" Joke

[1 bruce 1]

Oh my sides

What's the gourmet name for green garden peas served with a glass of iced tea?

A: A Tea-pea

3 boy dogs were showing interest in a pretty, single French poodle. Used to the attention from boys, she said that whatever one could use the words "liver and cheese" in a sentence the most cleverly would win her affections.
The first dog, a Labrador, blurted out "I like liver and cheese!"
The Poodle sneered.
The second dog, a Bulldog, croaked nervously "I LOVE liver and cheese?"
The Poodle sneered again.
The third dog, a tiny Chihuahua, walked between the Lab and the Bulldog and lightly shoved them away. "Liver alone," he said. "Cheese mine."

Why doesn't Chuck Norris have to flush the toilet?

A: He scares the crap out of it.

 

[NY cat man]

What do you call a chicken that works on computers?
A technical fowl

 

[NY cat man]

What do you call a chicken that you keep in your home?
A personal fowl

 

[1 bruce 1]

What does a dyslexic turkey say?

A) Boggle Boggle

Why did the dodo bird go extinct?

A) All dodo's are male

 

[1 bruce 1]

Not a joke but words of wisdom. A man who farts in church sits in his own pew.

 

[NY cat man]

I remember th

Not a joke but words of wisdom. A man who farts in church sits in his own pew.

I remember that one from when I was a kid, when the 'He who.......' jokes were the rage.

 

[debbila]

Confucius say, " Woman who cook carrots and peas in same pot very unsanitary. "

 

[1 bruce 1]

This ones good......
"I went with my wife to one of those beauty salons. She was in there for 5 hours. And that was just for the estimate".

Oh man

 

[1 bruce 1]

I remember th

I remember that one from when I was a kid, when the 'He who.......' jokes were the rage.

I won't mention the one about walking sideways in an airport terminal. I don't wanna get banned

 

[mani]

I won't mention the one about walking sideways in an airport terminal. I don't wanna get banned

Just popping in here to see how things are going...

While I'm here, here's some groan-worthy Australian one-liners:

Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.

What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo? A pouch potato.

And because sending ourselves up is a national pastime:

Why don't they have Australian Sea Scouts?
Their tents keep sinking.

 

[1 bruce 1]

A man was walking in the woods when he was chased by a bear. The man ran with all his might but the bear was gaining on him. He tripped over a rock and landed face down in the dirt, when he rolled onto his back he saw the bear looming over him, eyes red, fangs dripping, and growling and roaring with all his might. The man, not knowing what else to do, blurted out "Dear Lord, please make this bear a Christian" and the bears aggression immediately disappeared. He became very somber and humble, and he folded his massive paws over his chest, bowed his head, and spoke. "Lord, we thank you for this meal we are about to receive...."


A man at the county fair sees a fortune tellers booth. He was very skeptical and thought he'd pay the dollar so he could call this crazy person out and disprove their "abilities". A woman in a large turban with a crystal ball is sitting at the table and invites him to have a seat. Smirking, he sits down. The woman gazes into the crystal ball, and says "I see you're the father of 2 beautiful children." The man says "Ha! That's what you think. I'm the father of THREE children." The woman says "Ha! That's what you think."

What instrument does and egg like to play?

A: A yolk-ulele

What do you call a cow with no legs?

A: Ground beef

My buddy said onions are the only food that make you cry. So I threw a coconut at him.

 

[Boris Diamond]

Two nuns were driving through Transylvania. A bat came along, landed on their hood and turned into Dracula. The nun driving turned to the other nun and asked, "What should I do, Sister?" The nun in the passenger seat thought for a second and then said, "Oh! I know, Sister! Show him your cross!" So the nun who was driving leaned out the window, shook her fist and said, "Get off the hood, you jerk!"

 

[1 bruce 1]

Two nuns were driving through Transylvania. A bat came along, landed on their hood and turned into Dracula. The nun driving turned to the other nun and asked, "What should I do, Sister?" The nun in the passenger seat thought for a second and then said, "Oh! I know, Sister! Show him your cross!" The nun who was driving leaned out the window, shook her fist and said, "Get off the hood, you jerk!"

 

[debbila]

A man is driving through the desert and sees a guy walking carrying a car door. He stops and asks why he has a car door. The guy says, " It got ripped off my car in an accident a few miles back. I figured If I take it I can roll the window down if it gets hot before I get to where I can get help. "

 

[NY cat man]

There were 2 young skunks, named In and Out. Whenever In was in, Out was out, and whenever In was out, Out was in. One day, Momma skunk told Out to go find In, because it was supper time. Out went out and in no time came back with In. Momma asked how Out was able to find In so quickly, to which Out replied "It was easy. Instinct."

 

[debbila]

Wanting to add to his collection of books about love, Jerry was excited to find one called How To Hug. When he got it home, to his disappointment he found it was a volume of the dictionary.

 

[bbdoll22]

Why did the tomato blush?

Because it saw the salad dressing.

 

[debbila]

What did one tonsil say to the other?

Let's get dressed up. The doctor's taking us out tonight!

 

[Mother Dragon]

Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire, and we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

 

[Mother Dragon]

What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire.