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I ate some food coloring this morning...
Now I'm dying inside.
Now I'm dying inside.
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Post Your Best "groaner" Joke
- Thread starter Jem
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I had to fix a broken window. It was a royal pane.
What do you call a musical fish?'
A: a piano tuna
What do you call a musical fish?'
A: a piano tuna
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What are good songs to sing in the doctors office waiting room?
"You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet" (Bachman Turner Overdrive)
"Tired Of Waiting" (The Kinks)
"Hurry Up" (Ritchie Valens)
"You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet" (Bachman Turner Overdrive)
"Tired Of Waiting" (The Kinks)
"Hurry Up" (Ritchie Valens)
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Q: What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question and a joke?
A: .....
Get it? Bad jokes don't even need a punch line to be funny!
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Dam
A: .....
Get it? Bad jokes don't even need a punch line to be funny!
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Dam
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There are three types of people in the world...
Those who can count and those who can't.
Those who can count and those who can't.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
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What is Forrest Gump's password?
1Forrest1
1Forrest1
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What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
A brick.
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One day, a man went hiking in the woods and a blizzard came about.
He was very cold and thought he might die from hypothermia when he saw a cabin with a candle lit in the window.
He went to the cabin and knocked on the door. And old lumberjack came to the door, the man said "please sir, put me up for the night, otherwise I might die."
The old lumberjack took him in and drew him a hot bath and let him have a nice soak while he prepared dinner.
When the man came out from the bath, warm and refreshed, the lumberjack served him a dinner of meat and vegetables.
Well, the meal itself was very good, and the man was grateful but he couldn't help but notice that the plate the food was on was dirty. So he said "thank you for preparing this meal for me. The plates not the cleanest, eh?"
The lumberjack shrugged and said " 's as clean as cold water can get 'em."
The man felt a little bad, thinking this guy was a real woodsman and was living off the land and hot water was probably a luxury.
After dinner, the lumberjack asked if he took coffee. The man said "that'll be fine" and took some coffee in a filthy looking cup.
He couldn't help but comment on this, and the lumberjack shrugged and said " 's clean as cold water can get 'em".
After coffee, the lumberjack told the man to head off to bed, and he'd do the dishes. Grateful, the man stood up and prepared to retire, when he noticed the lumberjack say "HERE, COLDWATER" and saw a big, drooling Saint Bernard dog licking out the cups and plates.
Not the best, but pretty gross in a G rated way
He was very cold and thought he might die from hypothermia when he saw a cabin with a candle lit in the window.
He went to the cabin and knocked on the door. And old lumberjack came to the door, the man said "please sir, put me up for the night, otherwise I might die."
The old lumberjack took him in and drew him a hot bath and let him have a nice soak while he prepared dinner.
When the man came out from the bath, warm and refreshed, the lumberjack served him a dinner of meat and vegetables.
Well, the meal itself was very good, and the man was grateful but he couldn't help but notice that the plate the food was on was dirty. So he said "thank you for preparing this meal for me. The plates not the cleanest, eh?"
The lumberjack shrugged and said " 's as clean as cold water can get 'em."
The man felt a little bad, thinking this guy was a real woodsman and was living off the land and hot water was probably a luxury.
After dinner, the lumberjack asked if he took coffee. The man said "that'll be fine" and took some coffee in a filthy looking cup.
He couldn't help but comment on this, and the lumberjack shrugged and said " 's clean as cold water can get 'em".
After coffee, the lumberjack told the man to head off to bed, and he'd do the dishes. Grateful, the man stood up and prepared to retire, when he noticed the lumberjack say "HERE, COLDWATER" and saw a big, drooling Saint Bernard dog licking out the cups and plates.
Not the best, but pretty gross in a G rated way
What! You mean that's not how you wash dishes? Hmm, my dogs will be disappointed 
.
There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?” The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!”
The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
This one is better verbally, but it's one of my favorites:
2 whales were at a bar. One turns to the other and says "ahhhh, aaaooooo, eeeeee" (typical whale noises. It's best to go on for a minute or so, long enough to make things weird). The other whale says "go home, Fred, you're drunk".
.There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?” The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!”
The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
This one is better verbally, but it's one of my favorites:
2 whales were at a bar. One turns to the other and says "ahhhh, aaaooooo, eeeeee" (typical whale noises. It's best to go on for a minute or so, long enough to make things weird). The other whale says "go home, Fred, you're drunk".
How does Batman's mother call him to dinner?
( to the tune of the theme ) Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner Batman!
( to the tune of the theme ) Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner Batman!
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My new thesaurus is terrible....not only that, but it's also terrible.
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I got fired from my job at the bank today...
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
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I was sitting in traffic the other day....probably why I got run over.
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What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pool?
Bob.
Bob.
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What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
Five guys walk into a bar......You think one of them would have seen it!
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
Five guys walk into a bar......You think one of them would have seen it!
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"Wait...you don't want to hear a joke about potassium?"
"K."
"K."
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When you look REALLY closely.....all mirrors look like eyeballs.
My wife called me immature......I told her to get out of my fort.
When life gives you melons.....you might be dyslexic.
If people start talking about you behind your back....just fart.
My wife called me immature......I told her to get out of my fort.
When life gives you melons.....you might be dyslexic.
If people start talking about you behind your back....just fart.
Gah! Once when I was a teenager, my friends and I stayed up all night at a sleepover thinking up new "man with no arms, no legs" jokes. Some of them got crazy
.What do you call a man with no arms, no legs sitting on your doorstep?
Matt
What do you call a man with no arms, no legs sitting in a hole?
Doug
What about the other man with no arms, no legs sitting in a hole?
Phil
What do you call a man with no arms, no legs playing in a leaf pile?
Russell
