Post Your Best "groaner" Joke

[ArchyCat]

Do you like Kipling?

I don't know, I've never kipled!

 

[Boris Diamond]

Why should you never use the number 288?

It's two gross!

 

[1 bruce 1]

My horses name is Mayo.

Mayo Neighs.

 

[Caspers Human]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the idiot's house!

Knock-knock!

Who's there?

The chicken!

 

[tangers40]

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinocerous?

Elephino!

 

[debbila]

What do you get when you run over a bird with a lawn mower?

Shredded tweet

 

[Jem]

This is not really a joke, but next time you are having a conversation with someone where you are comparing or debating about a topic, throw this in there somewhere and see if they catch on.

......"but on the other hand"....

...."I have four fingers and a thumb."

I've done this a few times. When you catch them off guard, it's funny to see the look of confusion on their face. Then when (IF) they get it, you get the eye roll.

 

[1 bruce 1]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the idiot's house!

Knock-knock!

Who's there?

The chicken!

 

[ArchyCat]

Why did the elephant wear sneakers?

So he could sneak up on mice!

 

[NY cat man]

What is a mathematicians favorite dessert?
Pi

 

[1 bruce 1]

What is a mathematicians favorite dessert?
Pi

Pumpkin Pi, during harvest
If you look at 3.14 backwards and in reverse, the 4 looks like a "P", the 1 looks like an "I" and the 3 looks like an "E". Isn't that fun, and weird

What did the buffalo say to his kid going off to college?
"Bi, son".

Why was the chef taken to jail?
He beat the egg and whipped the cream.

Why do I spent 20 minutes telling Baby Girl I don't want to hold her right now and 21 minutes later she's in my lap purring her foolish head off?
Because she's Baby Girl

 

[Caspers Human]

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend.

Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

- Groucho Marx

 

[1 bruce 1]

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend.

Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

- Groucho Marx

Which reminds me...
I spilled spot remover on my dog, now he's gone.
-Some guy

 

[NY cat man]

How is a tree like a dog?
They both have bark

 

[1 bruce 1]

One day a family of moles decided to leave their burrow.
Papa mole poked his head out and said "I smell flowers!"
Mama mole poked her head out and said "I smell flowers, too!"
Little baby mole couldn't squeeze past and was stuck smelling molasses all day.

What did the Papa potato say to the baby potato when he said he wanted to be like Tom Brokaw?
He said, "why, son, he's just a common tater".

One day a family of tomatoes was taking a walk. Their teen aged tomato son kept lagging farther and farther behind. What did Papa tomato do to make him pick up the pace?

A: He turned around, walked up to him, stomped on him and said "ketchup".

 

[1 bruce 1]

What is a cats favorite subject in school?


Hiss-tory

What do you get when you cross a zombie, a pigeon, a stalk of celery and a sharp, dangerous weapon?

No one knows, wouldn't you run too?

 

[1 bruce 1]

What do you call a room full of mold?

A mush-room.

 

[debbila]

Why did the mushroom always have a date on the weekend?

Because he's a fungi.

Where does the Lone Ranger take his trash?

Ta da dump, ta da dump, ta da dump dump dump.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Woodenshoe
Woodenshoe who?
Woodenshoe like to know!

 

[Mother Dragon]

What does the mama cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture bedtime.

What does a painter do when he gets cold?
He adds another coat.

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backward?
A receding hare line.

I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.

 

[NY cat man]

What is a pirate's favorite letter?
Rrrrrrrr