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If someone tells you to move on, it's just a sad fact for them that they've never had a pet like Kurt who meant so much to you.K Kflowers (is that how tagging works?) - Thank you. Yes, I hate how everyone tells me to move on. I makes me feel weird and wrong and like it isnt normal what I do. But I can't move on right now - there's too much tears I still need to cry.
So do you mean that I should NOT try to bond with him because it will come naturally once I am ready or that I should accept that my bf will give him the attention he needs and I will be fine with not having to bond with him ever?
Im sorry - im not a native english speaker, sometimes I need to clarify..
You're not a monster, as others have said, you're still grieving and that's perfectly fine and normal. It sounds like he was a sweetheart, a lap cat, and the new kid isn't...yet!
Our own Queen Bee was practically hand reared by us and it took her a whopping 6-7 years before she accepted being held. (Now, she can't get enough of it and drives us crazy ) It was worth the wait. She's almost obnoxiously affectionate now at 11 years old and follows me around like a little dog.
I wouldn't "not" try to bond with her in that you ignore her needs, but do as the others said, provide the basic care, talk nice to him, and don't push petting him or holding him. The goal is for him to see you as someone who is comfortable, reliable, and trustworthy.
This is one of those things that's easier to say than to do but do your best to NOT compare him to Kurt at all. Its hard, Kurt wouldn't have bitten/scratched/hissed, and that can intensify that feeling of just not really liking him right now. It won't happen over night, but just do your best
You're a kind soul. Kind souls feel losses very strongly. It's hard, but it's not a bad trait at all It'll get better, you'll see. Just give it time, and give yourself time to heal