I am absolutely heartbroken and regretful over my Meela having to be put down

[meelasmom]

Thank you all. My best friend and I lead separate lives like everyone else but she reached out to me today. She knows I am in pain but doesn't know why. We are supposed to get together this weekend.

I need to let go of this stuff. I'm not sure how to.

 

[dustydiamond1]

I really hope your best friend can help you feel better. Grieving is a natural process to healing but you shouldn't keep torturing yourself. I wish your family were more supportive but you do have all of us, we are all on your side.

 

[Mia6]

Being with your best friend will help, I am sure. I know it is hard and you must grieve
but Meela does not want you to be sad.

Are you eating and sleeping? Must take care of yourself.

Hugs,

Mia

 

[meelasmom]

Not sleeping well and not eating much. Trying do better. It's really affecting my health. I feel broken.

 

[meelasmom]

If I only knew for sure that Meela wasn't going to make it. This wouldn't be as difficult for me. Maybe I still can't understand how she went to a happy healthy cat to need a surgery to save her life, then to basically die from it. I will never understand.

I will forever wonder if those extra days would have been her turning point of getting better. She proved the vets wrong 3 times in things they were sure she had. She came back strong 3 times. I will never completely feel like Meela was at the end of her time. I will always feel guilt of making such a rushed decision.

I just hope she is at peace and someone is taking care of her. She was the sweetest most innocent sole I have ever met. She did not deserve any of this.

Omg I just miss her SO MUCH.

 

[meelasmom]

My best friend never got a hold of me..so I just worked all weekend. I stopped by Meela's grave every time i went outside. It shouldn't be this way! Will someone please wave their magic wand to either rewind the last few weeks or take my heartbreak away? It's really killing me.

 

[meelasmom]

Here it is exactly 3 weeks later. Oh God I wish I could go back.

 

[meelasmom]

I am trying to be stronger because I keep melting into puddles. I have her grave to cry at, when needed. As I sit here at work, I am still finding her hair flying around from when I had her here a week before she died. I am just so very sad and stuck. I feel like my feet are sinking in mud and taking steps is very difficult. I really am trying. I miss her so much.

 

[melaq]

I won't ask you to try to stop grieving. This will be something we need to live with, knowing the sorrow will always be there. The only thing I will ask for you to do is eat well and try to sleep. I know it's hard, so maybe some herbal tea will help. I like the combination of tea and yoga, but whatever you need to do to get yourself sleep is so important. Our bodies play horrible tricks on us when we are unwell, compounded with tragedy it makes it worse.

I understand how you feel. Write out your thoughts, allow yourself to cry. **hugs**

 

[meelasmom]

I will never, ever feel like what I did to her was right in any way. I can't justify it with speculation from the vet or anything else. I miss her so much. I cry every day, but have been trying be stronger about it. I visit her grave every day. Most times I stand there crying and apologizing. This is not normal. I want her back. I want to go back and change things. I want to get a do-over.

 

[ginny]

Meelasmom, would you like to talk to a pet grief counselor by phone? There are a few numbers I can send you by pm if you are interested. Let me know. I'm not sure if we can post the numbers openly.

 

[meelasmom]

thanks, but it won't help. There is no one or anything that can convince me I did the right thing. I just need to find a way to live with it. I just posted pictures of others I lost and told the story. Maybe if I remember them more, not that I forgot them, I can feel some solace that Meela is with them.

 

[ginny]

I can't guarantee that any phone counselor would not try to convince you you did the right thing, but you could state up front that you just want help with regret and don't want to be placated. I think I understand what you mean. It didn't help me one bit being told I did the right thing for Gracie, in fact it angered me. I encountered that a lot. A good counselor can help you sort out all these painful thoughts and memories of her last days. I personally don't know one but it might be worth it to give someone a chance.

 

[meelasmom]

Thanks for thinking of me Ginny. I just have to work this out on my own. Being here helps. I guess I am just posting how I feel. I still cry most days, but not all the time. I know there is a saying, "This too, shall pass." Eventually it will, but I will never forget and I just don't see myself ever feeling justified about what I did.

I am mad at myself and mad at the vet. I was out of my mind upset and should never have decided or been allowed to put Meela down without any thought. Under duress..i think is what they say. I also am real to the truth that Meela might not have made it anyway, but the feeling of giving up when I didn't is looming..

I miss her so much. Thank you for your concern. I felt something in my bed again the other night. I know when I opened my eyes there were no other cats there, so maybe it was her again. I was so tired that I just closed my eyes afterwards.

 

[meelasmom]

I ordered a special frame for Meela with a beautiful poem To pay tribute to Her. She deserves it. I miss her so much.

 

[meelasmom]

My tribute to my beautiful baby.

 

[meelasmom]

 

[Loving Mickey]

M meelasmom

Just wanted to check in and let you know I am thinking of you.
It pains my heart to know that you are suffering so much. Believe me, I do understand. I still cry over my Mickey, and it is almost three years. The pain over his loss will always be with me. He did pass naturally at home from an illness, but the outcome is the same, he is still gone.
Please always remember that you did nothing wrong. You loved your precious baby and didn't want her to suffer.
Your Meela loves you still and will be waiting when the time is right.
The memorial frame you have for Meela is so precious! I love it, and so does Meela, just as she will always love you!
Please take care!
I think of you and Meela often, and my heart is with you!
With love and hugs, Gloria

 

[Antonio65]

That frame is amazing and those words made me cry!

 

[meelasmom]

Thank you both