Help/Advice for introductions

calicosrspecial

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I think she's probably not scared because she knows she can run to safety if she needs to. She's also quite a distance from him and she only seems to get scared when he's closer to her. There are so many reasons it could be, though I don't believe it's something outside. A part of me thinks that she's just accepting that Fluffy exists but doesn't want to be near him or is worried that she's going into his territory.

She is happy and still loves to cuddle and play when he's not around and even when she is upstairs while he is downstairs she doesn't seem stressed for the most part. I think it could possibly be a bit of PTSD that triggers it but I'm unsure. They do stare at eachother but other than that there isn't really any negative body language. Usually Fluffy will be laying down or sitting and purring or meowing or chirping. I think it's all in her mind, or she's just trying to avoid being jumped on.

She has also been always somewhat skittish, but more so as she aged. When she was around a year old she was very curious and playful and very social. Between a year and a half to two years old, she definitely became less of those things and would spend more time alone (this was also around the time I was off work for ten weeks during lockdown #2). When I returned to work was when she started acting differently. She spent more time in her room and she wouldn't let anyone except me and my partner pet her and to this day almost a year later she still won't let my mom pet her. When we first got Fluffy she changed quite a bit and wouldn't even come downstairs. I'd say now she's fairly normal. She still prefers to stay upstairs when he is out and she sleeps up there too, but the rest of the time she goes around freely whenever she pleases. This is basically the same as it was prior to adopting Fluffy.

Right now it's just been trying to decode what is keeping her away from him. It may just be a phase that she's going through. She recently also completely stopped going up on the cat tree out of the blue and only goes up on the window perch now. Fluffy goes on the cat tree sometimes but it's rare and he also goes on the window perch so I'm guessing he's not the issue and her tastes of just changed.

I'll keep it up. I've been doing really good leaving her door open in the morning and evening when Fluffy is out so it's just a matter of getting her to come downstairs now
"I think she's probably not scared because she knows she can run to safety if she needs to." - Yes and she is more confident up there.

" She's also quite a distance from him and she only seems to get scared when he's closer to her." - Makes sense

" There are so many reasons it could be, though I don't believe it's something outside." - Ok

" A part of me thinks that she's just accepting that Fluffy exists but doesn't want to be near him or is worried that she's going into his territory." - Ok, if that is "all" it is then that is fine.

"She is happy and still loves to cuddle and play when he's not around and even when she is upstairs while he is downstairs she doesn't seem stressed for the most part." - Great

" I think it could possibly be a bit of PTSD that triggers it but I'm unsure." - Yes, possible.

" They do stare at eachother" - That is common.

" but other than that there isn't really any negative body language. " - Great

"Usually Fluffy will be laying down or sitting and purring or meowing or chirping. " - Ok.

"I think it's all in her mind, or she's just trying to avoid being jumped on." - Could be. If it is the mind meds can help. If it is "being jumped on" confidence will help. I do want to continue building her confidence downstairs.

"She has also been always somewhat skittish, but more so as she aged. When she was around a year old she was very curious and playful and very social. " - Ok

"Between a year and a half to two years old, she definitely became less of those things and would spend more time alone (this was also around the time I was off work for ten weeks during lockdown #2). When I returned to work was when she started acting differently. She spent more time in her room and she wouldn't let anyone except me and my partner pet her and to this day almost a year later she still won't let my mom pet her." - Ok, so you going back to work had some impact. A lack of confidence.

" When we first got Fluffy she changed quite a bit and wouldn't even come downstairs." - Yes, normal.

" I'd say now she's fairly normal." - Wow, that is really good.

" She still prefers to stay upstairs when he is out and she sleeps up there too, but the rest of the time she goes around freely whenever she pleases. This is basically the same as it was prior to adopting Fluffy." - Ok, great

"Right now it's just been trying to decode what is keeping her away from him." - Yes

" It may just be a phase that she's going through." - Maybe

" She recently also completely stopped going up on the cat tree out of the blue and only goes up on the window perch now." - Hmmmmmmm, usually there is a reason.

" Fluffy goes on the cat tree sometimes but it's rare" - Hmmmmmmm

" and he also goes on the window perch" - So it may not be an ownership confidence thing

" so I'm guessing he's not the issue and her tastes of just changed." - Could be. Anything around the cat tree or does it have a different view than the window perch? Outside or inside (to the kitchen).

"I'll keep it up. I've been doing really good leaving her door open in the morning and evening when Fluffy is out so it's just a matter of getting her to come downstairs now " - Great. And make sure you do the tough love. Make her make the choice to take the "risk" for the reward.

We just need to her to get that last bit of confidence and be like "this is my home so behave!!!".
 
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Everything is still moving along slowly :)

On Sunday evening Sapphire was relaxing on the dining room chair just outside of Fluffy's room while he ate. Afterwards I kept him busy in the living room and she laid there for a few more minutes before she casually went upstairs to her bed. She ended up coming back down two more times while Fluffy was out but in both cases didn't stay down for long or would just hangout on the stairs. The first time she came down Fluffy was in the kitchen and he started to move towards her playfully. I told him no and he stopped and she was already on the stairs. The second time she stayed at the bottom of the stairs so I gave them some whiskas milk as a special treat.

I knew last night she wouldn't come down since she went straight to a nap after she ate so Fluffy got to just hangout for an hour. She did come down right as I was getting Fluffy ready for bed just before I put the baby gates up in the hall but Fluffy was already excited for his feeder ball and I didn't want to get him worked up so he went to bed.

She also came down to visit this morning but she was a bit grouchy and growling and hissing quite a bit. She got a bit scared when Fluffy jumped off the couch to try and go see her and growled and then ran up to her room but he didn't try to chase her.

Fluffy has been a really good boy and hasn't tried to chase her yet and he's been acting really calm. There's a few times when he sees her and his tail starts going crazy and he's tried to sneak upstairs a few times but mostly he just sits at the bottom of the stairs meowing or chirping for her. I just wants to see her so badly.
 

calicosrspecial

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Everything is still moving along slowly :)

On Sunday evening Sapphire was relaxing on the dining room chair just outside of Fluffy's room while he ate. Afterwards I kept him busy in the living room and she laid there for a few more minutes before she casually went upstairs to her bed. She ended up coming back down two more times while Fluffy was out but in both cases didn't stay down for long or would just hangout on the stairs. The first time she came down Fluffy was in the kitchen and he started to move towards her playfully. I told him no and he stopped and she was already on the stairs. The second time she stayed at the bottom of the stairs so I gave them some whiskas milk as a special treat.

I knew last night she wouldn't come down since she went straight to a nap after she ate so Fluffy got to just hangout for an hour. She did come down right as I was getting Fluffy ready for bed just before I put the baby gates up in the hall but Fluffy was already excited for his feeder ball and I didn't want to get him worked up so he went to bed.

She also came down to visit this morning but she was a bit grouchy and growling and hissing quite a bit. She got a bit scared when Fluffy jumped off the couch to try and go see her and growled and then ran up to her room but he didn't try to chase her.

Fluffy has been a really good boy and hasn't tried to chase her yet and he's been acting really calm. There's a few times when he sees her and his tail starts going crazy and he's tried to sneak upstairs a few times but mostly he just sits at the bottom of the stairs meowing or chirping for her. I just wants to see her so badly.
"Everything is still moving along slowly :)" - Great it is moving along.

"On Sunday evening Sapphire was relaxing on the dining room chair just outside of Fluffy's room while he ate." - Great

" Afterwards I kept him busy in the living room and she laid there for a few more minutes before she casually went upstairs to her bed." - Casually is the key word. FANTASTIC!!!

" She ended up coming back down two more times while Fluffy was out but in both cases didn't stay down for long or would just hangout on the stairs." - That is great. She is getting her courage and desire up.

" The first time she came down Fluffy was in the kitchen and he started to move towards her playfully. I told him no and he stopped and she was already on the stairs. " - GREAT, I LOVE that he listened as well!!!

"The second time she stayed at the bottom of the stairs so I gave them some whiskas milk as a special treat." - Awwwwwww :)

"I knew last night she wouldn't come down since she went straight to a nap after she ate so Fluffy got to just hangout for an hour." - That is fine. Whatever she wants, whatever makes her happy.

"She did come down right as I was getting Fluffy ready for bed just before I put the baby gates up in the hall but Fluffy was already excited for his feeder ball and I didn't want to get him worked up so he went to bed." - Great

"She also came down to visit this morning but she was a bit grouchy and growling and hissing quite a bit. She got a bit scared when Fluffy jumped off the couch to try and go see her and growled and then ran up to her room but he didn't try to chase her." - Ok, that is fine. Nothing negative happened which is positive.

"Fluffy has been a really good boy and hasn't tried to chase her yet and he's been acting really calm. " - Great, I am SO PROUD of him!!!

"There's a few times when he sees her and his tail starts going crazy and he's tried to sneak upstairs a few times but mostly he just sits at the bottom of the stairs meowing or chirping for her. I just wants to see her so badly. " - Awwww, he wants her as a friend, playmate. He may just win out......................... ;)

THAT is a GREAT update!!! Keep up the great work!!
 
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Yesterday was pretty positive for both cats. Sapphire came downstairs a few times yesterday morning and just wandered a little bit around. She didn't seem too scared of Fluffy, just making sure to watch him as she moved around the room and I kept them busy with some treats. It was a fairly short time together but overall pretty good.

Last night was pretty much the same. She spent quite a bit of time downstairs with him and she would just move around the living room while I kept Fluffy busy. Once she even walked over to within about three feet of him. She was definitely still cautious but I didn't see much dear and only a few hisses. She would stay downstairs a few minutes then go upstairs for a few before coming down again.

Fluffy was really good up until the end. He spent most of the time laying down just watching Sapphire move about and I had treats ready to distract him when his tail would start to go crazy. Shortly before his bed time, I assumed Sapphire was upstairs for good and not coming back down. Fluffy was sitting on the shelf directly behind the cat tree looking out the window. I was sitting on the stairs and Sapphire came back down and jumped over me and went to sit next to the Ottoman (which is between the cat tree/shelf and the wall). I knew that Fluffy saw her and was prepared, as he started towards her fairly fast over the Ottoman. She did get a bit scared and hissed and ran upstairs, but I scooped Fluffy up before he could jump on her or chase her, and once she was surely gone I put him down and he went about his business.

Once I put him to bed a few minutes later, Sapphire was just relaxing on my bed upstairs and wanting to play.

I should mention that I've been giving them Rescue Remedy with their wet food dinner in hopes of calming them both so that could be the reason why Sapphire doesn't seem as scared.

That's all for now. I was just too tired this morning to have them both out again so I will pick it up again tonight.
 
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calicosrspecial

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Yesterday was pretty positive for both cats. Sapphire came downstairs a few times yesterday morning and just wandered a little bit around. She didn't seem too scared of Fluffy, just making sure to watch him as she moved around the room and I kept them busy with some treats. It was a fairly short time together but overall pretty good.

Last night was pretty much the same. She spent quite a bit of time downstairs with him and she would just move around the living room while I kept Fluffy busy. Once she even walked over to within about three feet of him. She was definitely still cautious but I didn't see much dear and only a few hisses. She would stay downstairs a few minutes then go upstairs for a few before coming down again.

Fluffy was really good up until the end. He spent most of the time laying down just watching Sapphire move about and I had treats ready to distract him when his tail would start to go crazy. Shortly before his bed time, I assumed Sapphire was upstairs for good and not coming back down. Fluffy was sitting on the shelf directly behind the cat tree looking out the window. I was sitting on the stairs and Sapphire came back down and jumped over me and went to sit next to the Ottoman (which is between the cat tree/shelf and the wall). I knew that Fluffy saw her and was prepared, as he started towards her fairly fast over the Ottoman. She did get a bit scared and hissed and ran upstairs, but I scooped Fluffy up before he could jump on her or chase her, and once she was surely gone I put him down and he went about his business.

Once I put him to bed a few minutes later, Sapphire was just relaxing on my bed upstairs and wanting to play.

I should mention that I've been giving them Rescue Remedy with their wet food dinner in hopes of calming them both so that could be the reason why Sapphire doesn't seem as scared.

That's all for now. I was just too tired this morning to have them both out again so I will pick it up again tonight.
"Yesterday was pretty positive for both cats." - Great

" Sapphire came downstairs a few times yesterday morning and just wandered a little bit around. She didn't seem too scared of Fluffy, just making sure to watch him as she moved around the room and I kept them busy with some treats. It was a fairly short time together but overall pretty good." - WOW!!! THAT is AMAZING!!! :)

"Last night was pretty much the same. She spent quite a bit of time downstairs with him and she would just move around the living room while I kept Fluffy busy." - :yess: :hyper: :clap2: I LOVE that she was "moving around" the room!!!

" Once she even walked over to within about three feet of him." - WOW!!! She is getting there!!! This is a BIG DEAL!!

" She was definitely still cautious but I didn't see much dear and only a few hisses." - GREAT!!!

" She would stay downstairs a few minutes then go upstairs for a few before coming down again." - PERFECT!!! She is choosing between the reward and the perceived fear. Reward is starting to win. :)

"Fluffy was really good up until the end. He spent most of the time laying down just watching Sapphire move about and I had treats ready to distract him when his tail would start to go crazy." - Wow, he is really helping!!!I am so proud of him.

" Shortly before his bed time, I assumed Sapphire was upstairs for good and not coming back down. Fluffy was sitting on the shelf directly behind the cat tree looking out the window. I was sitting on the stairs and Sapphire came back down and jumped over me and went to sit next to the Ottoman (which is between the cat tree/shelf and the wall)." - WOW!!

" I knew that Fluffy saw her and was prepared, as he started towards her fairly fast over the Ottoman. She did get a bit scared and hissed and ran upstairs, but I scooped Fluffy up before he could jump on her or chase her, and once she was surely gone I put him down and he went about his business." - Great job!! The key will be how she acts after this.

"Once I put him to bed a few minutes later, Sapphire was just relaxing on my bed upstairs and wanting to play." - Perfect!!!

"I should mention that I've been giving them Rescue Remedy with their wet food dinner in hopes of calming them both so that could be the reason why Sapphire doesn't seem as scared." - Maybe a part of it.

"That's all for now." - Hahahaha, that's "all"!!! Feels like huge progress!!!! It is rarely linear but we'll get there!!! I think we passed the "watershed" moment. :) I wish you could see the smile on my face and feel the happiness in my heart!! :)

"I was just too tired this morning to have them both out again so I will pick it up again tonight. " - That is fine. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. You are doing great. It doesn't have to always happen, just live life, enjoy the progress and go with it. :)
 
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"Yesterday was pretty positive for both cats." - Great

" Sapphire came downstairs a few times yesterday morning and just wandered a little bit around. She didn't seem too scared of Fluffy, just making sure to watch him as she moved around the room and I kept them busy with some treats. It was a fairly short time together but overall pretty good." - WOW!!! THAT is AMAZING!!! :)

"Last night was pretty much the same. She spent quite a bit of time downstairs with him and she would just move around the living room while I kept Fluffy busy." - :yess: :hyper: :clap2: I LOVE that she was "moving around" the room!!!

" Once she even walked over to within about three feet of him." - WOW!!! She is getting there!!! This is a BIG DEAL!!

" She was definitely still cautious but I didn't see much dear and only a few hisses." - GREAT!!!

" She would stay downstairs a few minutes then go upstairs for a few before coming down again." - PERFECT!!! She is choosing between the reward and the perceived fear. Reward is starting to win. :)

"Fluffy was really good up until the end. He spent most of the time laying down just watching Sapphire move about and I had treats ready to distract him when his tail would start to go crazy." - Wow, he is really helping!!!I am so proud of him.

" Shortly before his bed time, I assumed Sapphire was upstairs for good and not coming back down. Fluffy was sitting on the shelf directly behind the cat tree looking out the window. I was sitting on the stairs and Sapphire came back down and jumped over me and went to sit next to the Ottoman (which is between the cat tree/shelf and the wall)." - WOW!!

" I knew that Fluffy saw her and was prepared, as he started towards her fairly fast over the Ottoman. She did get a bit scared and hissed and ran upstairs, but I scooped Fluffy up before he could jump on her or chase her, and once she was surely gone I put him down and he went about his business." - Great job!! The key will be how she acts after this.

"Once I put him to bed a few minutes later, Sapphire was just relaxing on my bed upstairs and wanting to play." - Perfect!!!

"I should mention that I've been giving them Rescue Remedy with their wet food dinner in hopes of calming them both so that could be the reason why Sapphire doesn't seem as scared." - Maybe a part of it.

"That's all for now." - Hahahaha, that's "all"!!! Feels like huge progress!!!! It is rarely linear but we'll get there!!! I think we passed the "watershed" moment. :) I wish you could see the smile on my face and feel the happiness in my heart!! :)

"I was just too tired this morning to have them both out again so I will pick it up again tonight. " - That is fine. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. You are doing great. It doesn't have to always happen, just live life, enjoy the progress and go with it. :)
I will keep at it. I don't want to move too fast yet and I'll just keep seeing what she does. I'm still expecting sometimes she'll be acting reserved and cautious and may not even come to see him. I'd also like to try and avoid a chase/pounce/dustup for as long as possible and hope Fluffy can calm down even more.
 

calicosrspecial

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I will keep at it. I don't want to move too fast yet and I'll just keep seeing what she does. I'm still expecting sometimes she'll be acting reserved and cautious and may not even come to see him. I'd also like to try and avoid a chase/pounce/dustup for as long as possible and hope Fluffy can calm down even more.
"I will keep at it." - Great

" I don't want to move too fast yet and I'll just keep seeing what she does." - Yes, just keep doing what you are doing. Maybe a little less "hands on" soon but let them keep doing their parts. I would like you to go about your business a bit more soon and give her more leeway to work through her fears. Maybe a week or two. But they are doing great.

" I'm still expecting sometimes she'll be acting reserved and cautious and may not even come to see him. " - Yes but that happens with totally intro'd successful cat families. As long as there isn't any hiding, changes in eating, litterbox use, etc then it is fine. But if she seems happy and content and gets a bit more confidence to go anywhere at anytime (for the most part) then it is fine.

"I'd also like to try and avoid a chase/pounce/dustup for as long as possible" - Yes BUT it might be tough. BUT I do think she is in a better place to work through that now than at any time previously. But I agree. But I also want you to enjoy your time at home as well. Finding that balance will be key.

" and hope Fluffy can calm down even more." - Yes, I think the novelty will wear off soon. (hopefully).

Have you heard from our friend with Hawthorne and Florie lately? I hope they are doing as well as Sapphire and Fluffy.
 
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"I will keep at it." - Great

" I don't want to move too fast yet and I'll just keep seeing what she does." - Yes, just keep doing what you are doing. Maybe a little less "hands on" soon but let them keep doing their parts. I would like you to go about your business a bit more soon and give her more leeway to work through her fears. Maybe a week or two. But they are doing great.

" I'm still expecting sometimes she'll be acting reserved and cautious and may not even come to see him. " - Yes but that happens with totally intro'd successful cat families. As long as there isn't any hiding, changes in eating, litterbox use, etc then it is fine. But if she seems happy and content and gets a bit more confidence to go anywhere at anytime (for the most part) then it is fine.

"I'd also like to try and avoid a chase/pounce/dustup for as long as possible" - Yes BUT it might be tough. BUT I do think she is in a better place to work through that now than at any time previously. But I agree. But I also want you to enjoy your time at home as well. Finding that balance will be key.

" and hope Fluffy can calm down even more." - Yes, I think the novelty will wear off soon. (hopefully).

Have you heard from our friend with Hawthorne and Florie lately? I hope they are doing as well as Sapphire and Fluffy.
I haven't heard anything. I actually checked the post yesterday to see if there was anything new but there was nothing unfortunately.

Thank you again for the advice! There is still a lot more improvement from Sapphire that needs to happen to get her to a point of consistency. Last night and this morning she did not come downstairs once, even briefly. There was a stray cat last night right at my downstairs window staring inside (poor guy looked so cold outside) and Sapphire seemed worked up as she was standing at the window staring back at it. She almost seemed excited about it however, but I'm assuming that is the reason why she didn't want to see her brother.

Fluffy was still Fluffy just sitting staring at the stairs all night meowing and chirping waiting for his sister to come see him.
 

calicosrspecial

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I haven't heard anything. I actually checked the post yesterday to see if there was anything new but there was nothing unfortunately.

Thank you again for the advice! There is still a lot more improvement from Sapphire that needs to happen to get her to a point of consistency. Last night and this morning she did not come downstairs once, even briefly. There was a stray cat last night right at my downstairs window staring inside (poor guy looked so cold outside) and Sapphire seemed worked up as she was standing at the window staring back at it. She almost seemed excited about it however, but I'm assuming that is the reason why she didn't want to see her brother.

Fluffy was still Fluffy just sitting staring at the stairs all night meowing and chirping waiting for his sister to come see him.
"I haven't heard anything. I actually checked the post yesterday to see if there was anything new but there was nothing unfortunately." - :( I actually looked for the post but couldn't find it.

"Thank you again for the advice!" - Well, it isn't much since you are already doing everything you can. It really is up to Sapphire now.

"There is still a lot more improvement from Sapphire that needs to happen to get her to a point of consistency." - I am not sure I agree, I don't think there is a lot. Actually, only a little. The other night is as near as perfect as you can be without being perfect.

" Last night and this morning she did not come downstairs once, even briefly." - But that does happen in households where the cats are fine. So that is not necessarily "bad". As long as she wasn't hiding, not eating, cowering, etc then that is not something I would worry about even if it happens for a few days.

" There was a stray cat last night right at my downstairs window staring inside (poor guy looked so cold outside) and Sapphire seemed worked up as she was standing at the window staring back at it." Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, I think this is exactly what I was thinking is an issue. Yes, this is incredibly unsettling for some cats and Sapphire is very vulnerable to this. I have a feeling this is why she is the way she is at times. :/ (Oh I know, it is so sad). Do you have a TNR group in your area? TNR is Trap, Neuter/Spay, Release. It helps control the population of ferals, reduces fighting, reduces marking from intacts, etc. Helps the cats, helps the community and helps the inside cats.

"She almost seemed excited about it however," - I would guess agitated. Remember cats are territorial and if a "threat" is near it can cause all sorts of issues.

" but I'm assuming that is the reason why she didn't want to see her brother." - I don't think it is Fluffy per se but the fear the outside cat might be coming inside. :/

I think this is why we see her confident upstairs (even with Fluffy around) while she is unsettled downstairs.

Fluffy was still Fluffy just sitting staring at the stairs all night meowing and chirping waiting for his sister to come see him.

Ok, things are making more sense now.
 
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"I haven't heard anything. I actually checked the post yesterday to see if there was anything new but there was nothing unfortunately." - :( I actually looked for the post but couldn't find it.

"Thank you again for the advice!" - Well, it isn't much since you are already doing everything you can. It really is up to Sapphire now.

"There is still a lot more improvement from Sapphire that needs to happen to get her to a point of consistency." - I am not sure I agree, I don't think there is a lot. Actually, only a little. The other night is as near as perfect as you can be without being perfect.

" Last night and this morning she did not come downstairs once, even briefly." - But that does happen in households where the cats are fine. So that is not necessarily "bad". As long as she wasn't hiding, not eating, cowering, etc then that is not something I would worry about even if it happens for a few days.

" There was a stray cat last night right at my downstairs window staring inside (poor guy looked so cold outside) and Sapphire seemed worked up as she was standing at the window staring back at it." Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, I think this is exactly what I was thinking is an issue. Yes, this is incredibly unsettling for some cats and Sapphire is very vulnerable to this. I have a feeling this is why she is the way she is at times. :/ (Oh I know, it is so sad). Do you have a TNR group in your area? TNR is Trap, Neuter/Spay, Release. It helps control the population of ferals, reduces fighting, reduces marking from intacts, etc. Helps the cats, helps the community and helps the inside cats.

"She almost seemed excited about it however," - I would guess agitated. Remember cats are territorial and if a "threat" is near it can cause all sorts of issues.

" but I'm assuming that is the reason why she didn't want to see her brother." - I don't think it is Fluffy per se but the fear the outside cat might be coming inside. :/

I think this is why we see her confident upstairs (even with Fluffy around) while she is unsettled downstairs.

Fluffy was still Fluffy just sitting staring at the stairs all night meowing and chirping waiting for his sister to come see him.

Ok, things are making more sense now.
I apologize for the late response I had quite a busy weekend!

In regards to the stray cat, there are TNRs in the city, though I've never thought about contacting one. I'm unsure where the cat is most of the time. I live right on the edge of the city so there are quite a few wooded areas all around so the cat could be anywhere. I've have tried contacting rescues in the warmer months but haven't had any luck unfortunately. I have a friend who works with various groups in the city, so I may ask her if she can possibly help.

With that being said, I haven't seen that say agitated energy from Sapphire since that night, I haven't seen anymore foot prints in the snow yet since then so I'm guessing the cat hasn't come back yet.

I really don't have much to update. Sapphire has been spending most of her time in the evenings upstairs in her room immediately following dinner. On Friday she very briefly came down while I was sitting on the couch and fluffy was looking out the window. She got scared when Fluffy jumped off the couch (he's not very graceful with jumping on and off things and it's usually quite dramatic). She hasn't come down to see him since then, preferring to lay in her bed.

Since he always sits meowing for her to come down, I brought him upstairs to see her last night. We sat in the hallway and she just laid on the bed in her room and really didn't seem too concerned.

I've come to terms I think that there is really nothing more I can do at this point, and I'm hoping that even if she can't see him or be near him, that him being out and about downstairs is at least doing some good.
 

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I apologize for the late response I had quite a busy weekend!

In regards to the stray cat, there are TNRs in the city, though I've never thought about contacting one. I'm unsure where the cat is most of the time. I live right on the edge of the city so there are quite a few wooded areas all around so the cat could be anywhere. I've have tried contacting rescues in the warmer months but haven't had any luck unfortunately. I have a friend who works with various groups in the city, so I may ask her if she can possibly help.

With that being said, I haven't seen that say agitated energy from Sapphire since that night, I haven't seen anymore foot prints in the snow yet since then so I'm guessing the cat hasn't come back yet.

I really don't have much to update. Sapphire has been spending most of her time in the evenings upstairs in her room immediately following dinner. On Friday she very briefly came down while I was sitting on the couch and fluffy was looking out the window. She got scared when Fluffy jumped off the couch (he's not very graceful with jumping on and off things and it's usually quite dramatic). She hasn't come down to see him since then, preferring to lay in her bed.

Since he always sits meowing for her to come down, I brought him upstairs to see her last night. We sat in the hallway and she just laid on the bed in her room and really didn't seem too concerned.

I've come to terms I think that there is really nothing more I can do at this point, and I'm hoping that even if she can't see him or be near him, that him being out and about downstairs is at least doing some good.
"I apologize for the late response I had quite a busy weekend!" - No need to apologize. Hope "good" busy.

"In regards to the stray cat, there are TNRs in the city, though I've never thought about contacting one. I'm unsure where the cat is most of the time. I live right on the edge of the city so there are quite a few wooded areas all around so the cat could be anywhere. I've have tried contacting rescues in the warmer months but haven't had any luck unfortunately. I have a friend who works with various groups in the city, so I may ask her if she can possibly help." - Well, I suspect they may be around your house more than you may realize. I would contact your friend and see if there is any possibility of doing a TNR. I suspect there are more than 1 and it is not only best for Sapphire and best for the cats out there and any future cats born.

"With that being said, I haven't seen that say agitated energy from Sapphire since that night, I haven't seen anymore foot prints in the snow yet since then so I'm guessing the cat hasn't come back yet." - Ok, good.

"I really don't have much to update. Sapphire has been spending most of her time in the evenings upstairs in her room immediately following dinner." - Ok, is she acting "normal" otherwise?

" On Friday she very briefly came down while I was sitting on the couch and fluffy was looking out the window. She got scared when Fluffy jumped off the couch (he's not very graceful with jumping on and off things and it's usually quite dramatic). She hasn't come down to see him since then, preferring to lay in her bed." - Ok

"Since he always sits meowing for her to come down, I brought him upstairs to see her last night. We sat in the hallway and she just laid on the bed in her room and really didn't seem too concerned." - Well,, that is great. Of course she seems more confident upstairs. So confidence has a lot to do with it. But is the confidence issue downstairs because of Fluffy or ferals??

"I've come to terms I think that there is really nothing more I can do at this point," - I think that is actually good. I know you probably don't think so but I think a bit of "tough love" might encourage her to get over those remaining fears.

" and I'm hoping that even if she can't see him or be near him, that him being out and about downstairs is at least doing some good. " - I think so. I think the more she realizes that this is the "new normal" she'll have to accept it and move forward.

Let's see how it goes. Just go about your business as much as possible, keep an eye for any change in her, and let's see how it works.

Would you say she is about as accepting as she has ever been? And just because she is not with him doesn't mean she is not accepting him.
 
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"I apologize for the late response I had quite a busy weekend!" - No need to apologize. Hope "good" busy.

"In regards to the stray cat, there are TNRs in the city, though I've never thought about contacting one. I'm unsure where the cat is most of the time. I live right on the edge of the city so there are quite a few wooded areas all around so the cat could be anywhere. I've have tried contacting rescues in the warmer months but haven't had any luck unfortunately. I have a friend who works with various groups in the city, so I may ask her if she can possibly help." - Well, I suspect they may be around your house more than you may realize. I would contact your friend and see if there is any possibility of doing a TNR. I suspect there are more than 1 and it is not only best for Sapphire and best for the cats out there and any future cats born.

"With that being said, I haven't seen that say agitated energy from Sapphire since that night, I haven't seen anymore foot prints in the snow yet since then so I'm guessing the cat hasn't come back yet." - Ok, good.

"I really don't have much to update. Sapphire has been spending most of her time in the evenings upstairs in her room immediately following dinner." - Ok, is she acting "normal" otherwise?

" On Friday she very briefly came down while I was sitting on the couch and fluffy was looking out the window. She got scared when Fluffy jumped off the couch (he's not very graceful with jumping on and off things and it's usually quite dramatic). She hasn't come down to see him since then, preferring to lay in her bed." - Ok

"Since he always sits meowing for her to come down, I brought him upstairs to see her last night. We sat in the hallway and she just laid on the bed in her room and really didn't seem too concerned." - Well,, that is great. Of course she seems more confident upstairs. So confidence has a lot to do with it. But is the confidence issue downstairs because of Fluffy or ferals??

"I've come to terms I think that there is really nothing more I can do at this point," - I think that is actually good. I know you probably don't think so but I think a bit of "tough love" might encourage her to get over those remaining fears.

" and I'm hoping that even if she can't see him or be near him, that him being out and about downstairs is at least doing some good. " - I think so. I think the more she realizes that this is the "new normal" she'll have to accept it and move forward.

Let's see how it goes. Just go about your business as much as possible, keep an eye for any change in her, and let's see how it works.

Would you say she is about as accepting as she has ever been? And just because she is not with him doesn't mean she is not accepting him.
She still acts normal downstairs when she's there at all other times. She'll nap, she'll jump up on my lap to cuddle, etc. Friday evening around 11 well after Fluffy had gone to bed, she was running around downstairs playing (she would also run to his door, hiss at it, then take off again towards a toy).

I think she is pretty accepting at the moment. I believe she's acting the way she acts out of caution. It's almost like she's thinking, okay he's there, as long as he doesn't bother me I'm okay. It could also very well be that she is tired after eating and wants to relax.
 

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She still acts normal downstairs when she's there at all other times. She'll nap, she'll jump up on my lap to cuddle, etc. Friday evening around 11 well after Fluffy had gone to bed, she was running around downstairs playing (she would also run to his door, hiss at it, then take off again towards a toy).

I think she is pretty accepting at the moment. I believe she's acting the way she acts out of caution. It's almost like she's thinking, okay he's there, as long as he doesn't bother me I'm okay. It could also very well be that she is tired after eating and wants to relax.
"She still acts normal downstairs when she's there at all other times. " - GREAT!!! That is so important.

"She'll nap, she'll jump up on my lap to cuddle, etc." - Great. Keep doing all that stuff, playing, loving, etc. Just no enabling of cautious behavior.

" Friday evening around 11 well after Fluffy had gone to bed, she was running around downstairs playing (she would also run to his door, hiss at it, then take off again towards a toy)." - Awwwwww. She is SO CONFUSING. That is a total "I WANNA PLAY!!!" move. I know may be crazy but I truly think they are going to be playing together at some point.........................................

"I think she is pretty accepting at the moment. " - GREAT!! It seems like it but I would like to see more downstairs.

"I believe she's acting the way she acts out of caution." - Yes

" It's almost like she's thinking, okay he's there, as long as he doesn't bother me I'm okay." - Well, if it is that it is better than I thought. If she is ok with him there it is pretty good actually.

" It could also very well be that she is tired after eating and wants to relax. " - That is normal for a cat. Hunt, Capture, Kill, Eat, Groom, Sleep. That is the routine, the instinct. My oldest girl ALWAYS eats then goes to sleep. My others do it often.

Well, that is actually better than I thought. Hopefully we can get that last bit where she is like "whatever" when he is downstairs moving around. Just keep doing what you are doing (giving love, playing, etc) and act aloof when he is around, tough love to not enable her fears, distract Fluffy if needed then move on back to normal.

How are you doing with where they are on the scale of 1-10 1 being "this will never work" and 10 being "we are all set"?
 
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"She still acts normal downstairs when she's there at all other times. " - GREAT!!! That is so important.

"She'll nap, she'll jump up on my lap to cuddle, etc." - Great. Keep doing all that stuff, playing, loving, etc. Just no enabling of cautious behavior.

" Friday evening around 11 well after Fluffy had gone to bed, she was running around downstairs playing (she would also run to his door, hiss at it, then take off again towards a toy)." - Awwwwww. She is SO CONFUSING. That is a total "I WANNA PLAY!!!" move. I know may be crazy but I truly think they are going to be playing together at some point.........................................

"I think she is pretty accepting at the moment. " - GREAT!! It seems like it but I would like to see more downstairs.

"I believe she's acting the way she acts out of caution." - Yes

" It's almost like she's thinking, okay he's there, as long as he doesn't bother me I'm okay." - Well, if it is that it is better than I thought. If she is ok with him there it is pretty good actually.

" It could also very well be that she is tired after eating and wants to relax. " - That is normal for a cat. Hunt, Capture, Kill, Eat, Groom, Sleep. That is the routine, the instinct. My oldest girl ALWAYS eats then goes to sleep. My others do it often.

Well, that is actually better than I thought. Hopefully we can get that last bit where she is like "whatever" when he is downstairs moving around. Just keep doing what you are doing (giving love, playing, etc) and act aloof when he is around, tough love to not enable her fears, distract Fluffy if needed then move on back to normal.

How are you doing with where they are on the scale of 1-10 1 being "this will never work" and 10 being "we are all set"?
I would say we are maybe hovering somewhere in the middle, maybe around a 6. The only reason, is due to the issues that still need to be worked out with their differences in personality and energy levels, ie. Fluffy's need to jump on her and chase her when she gets close to him.

I also spoke a bit too soon about Sapphire acting fully normal when Fluffy isn't out downstairs. She was quite off last night after dinner, but I'm hoping it was a one time thing.

While I was in my room playing with Fluffy after dinner, Sapphire was in her room across the wall, but she wasn't in her bed, rather she was laying on a pillow on the bed in that room, watching me and Fluffy, but her head was right down and she almost looked sad. When I brought Fluffy downstairs and put him behind the baby gates before letting him out, I went up to give Sapphire some treats. She took the treats but then immediately started making an agitated sound and swatted at my hand.

Fluffy came out as normal and she actually came to the bottom stair and just sat there growling the whole time at Fluffy for a few minutes and then went back upstairs. I brought Fluffy up for some treats right before his bedtime and she was fine, with no hissing or growling or anything. After he had gone to bed I went back up to give Sapphire another treat and suddenly she wouldn't take it and went to hide under a rack of clothes.

After a few more minutes she was downstairs wanting to play and then she followed me upstairs to my room to play some more. Once she was done playing she curled up beside me, but if I would even slightly move to pet her she would start growling and swatting at me.

There were quite a few extremes in one evening from her.

Fluffy is still generally being good, though he still tries to pull a fast one and go after her every now and then, however I can usually catch it and stop him.

I'm hoping it was just a one off bad night for her. I've also stopped giving them the rescue remedy with dinner because I wasn't sure if it was helping at all and I wasn't sure how often I could give it to them. I've also stopped giving them hemp oil as well but I haven't given them that in quite some time.
 

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I would say we are maybe hovering somewhere in the middle, maybe around a 6. The only reason, is due to the issues that still need to be worked out with their differences in personality and energy levels, ie. Fluffy's need to jump on her and chase her when she gets close to him.

I also spoke a bit too soon about Sapphire acting fully normal when Fluffy isn't out downstairs. She was quite off last night after dinner, but I'm hoping it was a one time thing.

While I was in my room playing with Fluffy after dinner, Sapphire was in her room across the wall, but she wasn't in her bed, rather she was laying on a pillow on the bed in that room, watching me and Fluffy, but her head was right down and she almost looked sad. When I brought Fluffy downstairs and put him behind the baby gates before letting him out, I went up to give Sapphire some treats. She took the treats but then immediately started making an agitated sound and swatted at my hand.

Fluffy came out as normal and she actually came to the bottom stair and just sat there growling the whole time at Fluffy for a few minutes and then went back upstairs. I brought Fluffy up for some treats right before his bedtime and she was fine, with no hissing or growling or anything. After he had gone to bed I went back up to give Sapphire another treat and suddenly she wouldn't take it and went to hide under a rack of clothes.

After a few more minutes she was downstairs wanting to play and then she followed me upstairs to my room to play some more. Once she was done playing she curled up beside me, but if I would even slightly move to pet her she would start growling and swatting at me.

There were quite a few extremes in one evening from her.

Fluffy is still generally being good, though he still tries to pull a fast one and go after her every now and then, however I can usually catch it and stop him.

I'm hoping it was just a one off bad night for her. I've also stopped giving them the rescue remedy with dinner because I wasn't sure if it was helping at all and I wasn't sure how often I could give it to them. I've also stopped giving them hemp oil as well but I haven't given them that in quite some time.
"I would say we are maybe hovering somewhere in the middle, maybe around a 6." - Wow, ok, that surprises me. Ok

" The only reason, is due to the issues that still need to be worked out with their differences in personality and energy levels, ie. Fluffy's need to jump on her and chase her when she gets close to him." - Well, is Fluffy going after her often, multiple times when they are together?

"I also spoke a bit too soon about Sapphire acting fully normal when Fluffy isn't out downstairs. She was quite off last night after dinner, but I'm hoping it was a one time thing." - Ok. Might be the feral. Remember, they can smell them so they don't have to be there.

"While I was in my room playing with Fluffy after dinner, Sapphire was in her room across the wall, but she wasn't in her bed, rather she was laying on a pillow on the bed in that room, watching me and Fluffy, but her head was right down and she almost looked sad." - Hmmmmmmmm. If that happens just go over to her and say hi. We have to give up the tough love sometimes. :/

" When I brought Fluffy downstairs and put him behind the baby gates before letting him out, I went up to give Sapphire some treats. She took the treats but then immediately started making an agitated sound and swatted at my hand." - Hmmmmmmm, ok.

What would happen if you hung out with her while he was roaming about?

"Fluffy came out as normal and she actually came to the bottom stair and just sat there growling the whole time at Fluffy for a few minutes and then went back upstairs." - Ok. Sounds like she was maybe teaching him some manners. What do you think?

" I brought Fluffy up for some treats right before his bedtime and she was fine, with no hissing or growling or anything." - Great

" After he had gone to bed I went back up to give Sapphire another treat and suddenly she wouldn't take it and went to hide under a rack of clothes." - Hmmmmm, ok. Just sit on the floor and talk lovingly to her then. See if she will come out and revert to normal.

"After a few more minutes she was downstairs wanting to play and then she followed me upstairs to my room to play some more. Once she was done playing she curled up beside me," - Well THAT is GREAT!!!!

" but if I would even slightly move to pet her she would start growling and swatting at me." - Ok. Yeah, let her initiate contact.

Do you think she may have pain of any kind?

"There were quite a few extremes in one evening from her." - Well, with cats that can be. Overall I think she did just fine. It isn't perfect but far from an issue really.

"Fluffy is still generally being good, though he still tries to pull a fast one and go after her every now and then, however I can usually catch it and stop him." - Hahahaha, well, he is a boy wanting to play. :/

"I'm hoping it was just a one off bad night for her. " - I don't know, I don't think it was that bad.

"I've also stopped giving them the rescue remedy with dinner because I wasn't sure if it was helping at all and I wasn't sure how often I could give it to them. I've also stopped giving them hemp oil as well but I haven't given them that in quite some time. " - Ok.

I don't know. I don't like that she hid BUT she got out of it quickly. I don't like she got growling to you but some cats don't like to always be pet. I like she stood up to him at the stairs.

What about trying to be less "hands on" Fluffy and more around her and see what happens? So hang out with Sapphire in her room and let him roam around and mess about?

BTW, I would have said 8.5...................... :/ Of course, all I know is what I read and I am not there.
 
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"I would say we are maybe hovering somewhere in the middle, maybe around a 6." - Wow, ok, that surprises me. Ok

" The only reason, is due to the issues that still need to be worked out with their differences in personality and energy levels, ie. Fluffy's need to jump on her and chase her when she gets close to him." - Well, is Fluffy going after her often, multiple times when they are together?

"I also spoke a bit too soon about Sapphire acting fully normal when Fluffy isn't out downstairs. She was quite off last night after dinner, but I'm hoping it was a one time thing." - Ok. Might be the feral. Remember, they can smell them so they don't have to be there.

"While I was in my room playing with Fluffy after dinner, Sapphire was in her room across the wall, but she wasn't in her bed, rather she was laying on a pillow on the bed in that room, watching me and Fluffy, but her head was right down and she almost looked sad." - Hmmmmmmmm. If that happens just go over to her and say hi. We have to give up the tough love sometimes. :/

" When I brought Fluffy downstairs and put him behind the baby gates before letting him out, I went up to give Sapphire some treats. She took the treats but then immediately started making an agitated sound and swatted at my hand." - Hmmmmmmm, ok.

What would happen if you hung out with her while he was roaming about?

"Fluffy came out as normal and she actually came to the bottom stair and just sat there growling the whole time at Fluffy for a few minutes and then went back upstairs." - Ok. Sounds like she was maybe teaching him some manners. What do you think?

" I brought Fluffy up for some treats right before his bedtime and she was fine, with no hissing or growling or anything." - Great

" After he had gone to bed I went back up to give Sapphire another treat and suddenly she wouldn't take it and went to hide under a rack of clothes." - Hmmmmm, ok. Just sit on the floor and talk lovingly to her then. See if she will come out and revert to normal.

"After a few more minutes she was downstairs wanting to play and then she followed me upstairs to my room to play some more. Once she was done playing she curled up beside me," - Well THAT is GREAT!!!!

" but if I would even slightly move to pet her she would start growling and swatting at me." - Ok. Yeah, let her initiate contact.

Do you think she may have pain of any kind?

"There were quite a few extremes in one evening from her." - Well, with cats that can be. Overall I think she did just fine. It isn't perfect but far from an issue really.

"Fluffy is still generally being good, though he still tries to pull a fast one and go after her every now and then, however I can usually catch it and stop him." - Hahahaha, well, he is a boy wanting to play. :/

"I'm hoping it was just a one off bad night for her. " - I don't know, I don't think it was that bad.

"I've also stopped giving them the rescue remedy with dinner because I wasn't sure if it was helping at all and I wasn't sure how often I could give it to them. I've also stopped giving them hemp oil as well but I haven't given them that in quite some time. " - Ok.

I don't know. I don't like that she hid BUT she got out of it quickly. I don't like she got growling to you but some cats don't like to always be pet. I like she stood up to him at the stairs.

What about trying to be less "hands on" Fluffy and more around her and see what happens? So hang out with Sapphire in her room and let him roam around and mess about?

BTW, I would have said 8.5...................... :/ Of course, all I know is what I read and I am not there.
I tend to be a little bit on the reserved side with my estimates so your guess of 8.5 is probably more accurate than mine. Things that are negative, I have this problem of viewing as more negative than they actually are.

He doesn't go after her often. It is usually just in specific situations when he gets a bit excited. For example, on Monday evening he started to get worked up by her sitting in her room and just scratching her ear haha.

I do also believe she is trying to teach him manners or just simply trying to warn him not to try anything.

As for Fluffy, unless he is really focused on something he is really attached to me and does like to follow me around non stop, and will come looking for me if he can't find me which would make hanging out with Sapphire a bit difficult but I will see what I can do.

With all of that being said (I hope I didn't miss anything), last night, Sapphire was the complete opposite of the night before. She was laying on the window perch when I brought Fluffy out and half watched him, half looked out the window. She was definitely in a more cautious stance but didn't seem bothered too much while she was looking outside. A truck drove by which scared her a bit and sent her back upstairs but she was back down a few minutes later and didn't even seem to care about Fluffy. She even went half way up the cat tree and just laid down to watch him. Where it gets really confusing, is when she suddenly jumped down and ran towards me and Fluffy and then ran passed him towards the backdoor (she quickly hissed as she ran passed). Fluffy was worked up so I put him behind the baby gates to chill out and Sapphire was by the backdoor trying to "hide" behind a pair of boots. She looked quite playful and I was wondering if maybe she wanted him to play with her. She was fine the rest of the night, but a bit of caution as she would walk by the baby gates.

Fluffy only had two attempted goes at her. Once as she was coming down the stairs he tried to make a run towards the bannister (even though he would not fit through if he tried really hard). The second time was obviously when she ran passed him. Both times I was able to intervene and distract.

Nothing new from this morning. She came down as he was eating breakfast and when she saw him walking towards her she hissed and snuck upstairs for her morning nap.

Im noticing that on weekends and Mondays when someone is home all day, she tends to be more moody in the evenings so that was a possibility for her mood on Monday. There was also a big blizzard rolling in on Monday night but I don't know if cats can sense those things and if that would have affected her.
 

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I tend to be a little bit on the reserved side with my estimates so your guess of 8.5 is probably more accurate than mine. Things that are negative, I have this problem of viewing as more negative than they actually are.

He doesn't go after her often. It is usually just in specific situations when he gets a bit excited. For example, on Monday evening he started to get worked up by her sitting in her room and just scratching her ear haha.

I do also believe she is trying to teach him manners or just simply trying to warn him not to try anything.

As for Fluffy, unless he is really focused on something he is really attached to me and does like to follow me around non stop, and will come looking for me if he can't find me which would make hanging out with Sapphire a bit difficult but I will see what I can do.

With all of that being said (I hope I didn't miss anything), last night, Sapphire was the complete opposite of the night before. She was laying on the window perch when I brought Fluffy out and half watched him, half looked out the window. She was definitely in a more cautious stance but didn't seem bothered too much while she was looking outside. A truck drove by which scared her a bit and sent her back upstairs but she was back down a few minutes later and didn't even seem to care about Fluffy. She even went half way up the cat tree and just laid down to watch him. Where it gets really confusing, is when she suddenly jumped down and ran towards me and Fluffy and then ran passed him towards the backdoor (she quickly hissed as she ran passed). Fluffy was worked up so I put him behind the baby gates to chill out and Sapphire was by the backdoor trying to "hide" behind a pair of boots. She looked quite playful and I was wondering if maybe she wanted him to play with her. She was fine the rest of the night, but a bit of caution as she would walk by the baby gates.

Fluffy only had two attempted goes at her. Once as she was coming down the stairs he tried to make a run towards the bannister (even though he would not fit through if he tried really hard). The second time was obviously when she ran passed him. Both times I was able to intervene and distract.

Nothing new from this morning. She came down as he was eating breakfast and when she saw him walking towards her she hissed and snuck upstairs for her morning nap.

Im noticing that on weekends and Mondays when someone is home all day, she tends to be more moody in the evenings so that was a possibility for her mood on Monday. There was also a big blizzard rolling in on Monday night but I don't know if cats can sense those things and if that would have affected her.
"I tend to be a little bit on the reserved side with my estimates so your guess of 8.5 is probably more accurate than mine." - Ok, good, I thought I was missing something.

" Things that are negative, I have this problem of viewing as more negative than they actually are." - Yes, you did tell me that. Hopefully we improve on that in time.

"He doesn't go after her often." - GREAT!!!

" It is usually just in specific situations when he gets a bit excited. " - That is normal.

"For example, on Monday evening he started to get worked up by her sitting in her room and just scratching her ear haha." - Hahahaha, wll, yes, that is common. Movement especially quick movements will do that.

"I do also believe she is trying to teach him manners or just simply trying to warn him not to try anything." - Great!!!

"As for Fluffy, unless he is really focused on something he is really attached to me and does like to follow me around non stop, and will come looking for me if he can't find me" - Awwwwwwwwwwww

" which would make hanging out with Sapphire a bit difficult but I will see what I can do." - Well, if you give her confidence and he is around it could be positive.

"With all of that being said (I hope I didn't miss anything)," - Nope, perfect

" last night, Sapphire was the complete opposite of the night before." - GREAT!!!!

"She was laying on the window perch when I brought Fluffy out and half watched him, half looked out the window." - WOW!!! Looking away even a little bit is GREAT - a sign of trust.

" She was definitely in a more cautious stance but didn't seem bothered too much while she was looking outside." - GREAT. THAT is a big deal!!! IF she really feared him she would not take her eyes off of him.

"A truck drove by which scared her a bit and sent her back upstairs but she was back down a few minutes later and didn't even seem to care about Fluffy." - Positive.

" She even went half way up the cat tree and just laid down to watch him." - THAT is AMAZING!!!

" Where it gets really confusing, is when she suddenly jumped down and ran towards me and Fluffy and then ran passed him towards the backdoor (she quickly hissed as she ran passed)." - Ok, could be an attempt to play.

" Fluffy was worked up so I put him behind the baby gates to chill out" - Ok

" and Sapphire was by the backdoor trying to "hide" behind a pair of boots." - Ok, that could be play (ambush style).

" She looked quite playful" - Ok, great.

" and I was wondering if maybe she wanted him to play with her." - Ok, that was my first thought.

" She was fine the rest of the night, but a bit of caution as she would walk by the baby gates." - GREAT!!! I am not bothered by her "caution".

"Fluffy only had two attempted goes at her." - Ok, good

" Once as she was coming down the stairs he tried to make a run towards the bannister (even though he would not fit through if he tried really hard)." - Ok, that is often play. Movement down is "playtime" for many cats.

" The second time was obviously when she ran passed him." - Understandable.

" Both times I was able to intervene and distract." - Great

"Nothing new from this morning. She came down as he was eating breakfast and when she saw him walking towards her she hissed and snuck upstairs for her morning nap." - Ok, that is fine.

"Im noticing that on weekends and Mondays when someone is home all day, she tends to be more moody in the evenings so that was a possibility for her mood on Monday." - Ok, let's keep watching that.

" There was also a big blizzard rolling in on Monday night but I don't know if cats can sense those things and if that would have affected her. " - Yes, they can sense that. Could be on that day.

Well, this is even more positive. I think we are getting there. Let's see.

Great work!!!! :)
 
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Graham18

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"I tend to be a little bit on the reserved side with my estimates so your guess of 8.5 is probably more accurate than mine." - Ok, good, I thought I was missing something.

" Things that are negative, I have this problem of viewing as more negative than they actually are." - Yes, you did tell me that. Hopefully we improve on that in time.

"He doesn't go after her often." - GREAT!!!

" It is usually just in specific situations when he gets a bit excited. " - That is normal.

"For example, on Monday evening he started to get worked up by her sitting in her room and just scratching her ear haha." - Hahahaha, wll, yes, that is common. Movement especially quick movements will do that.

"I do also believe she is trying to teach him manners or just simply trying to warn him not to try anything." - Great!!!

"As for Fluffy, unless he is really focused on something he is really attached to me and does like to follow me around non stop, and will come looking for me if he can't find me" - Awwwwwwwwwwww

" which would make hanging out with Sapphire a bit difficult but I will see what I can do." - Well, if you give her confidence and he is around it could be positive.

"With all of that being said (I hope I didn't miss anything)," - Nope, perfect

" last night, Sapphire was the complete opposite of the night before." - GREAT!!!!

"She was laying on the window perch when I brought Fluffy out and half watched him, half looked out the window." - WOW!!! Looking away even a little bit is GREAT - a sign of trust.

" She was definitely in a more cautious stance but didn't seem bothered too much while she was looking outside." - GREAT. THAT is a big deal!!! IF she really feared him she would not take her eyes off of him.

"A truck drove by which scared her a bit and sent her back upstairs but she was back down a few minutes later and didn't even seem to care about Fluffy." - Positive.

" She even went half way up the cat tree and just laid down to watch him." - THAT is AMAZING!!!

" Where it gets really confusing, is when she suddenly jumped down and ran towards me and Fluffy and then ran passed him towards the backdoor (she quickly hissed as she ran passed)." - Ok, could be an attempt to play.

" Fluffy was worked up so I put him behind the baby gates to chill out" - Ok

" and Sapphire was by the backdoor trying to "hide" behind a pair of boots." - Ok, that could be play (ambush style).

" She looked quite playful" - Ok, great.

" and I was wondering if maybe she wanted him to play with her." - Ok, that was my first thought.

" She was fine the rest of the night, but a bit of caution as she would walk by the baby gates." - GREAT!!! I am not bothered by her "caution".

"Fluffy only had two attempted goes at her." - Ok, good

" Once as she was coming down the stairs he tried to make a run towards the bannister (even though he would not fit through if he tried really hard)." - Ok, that is often play. Movement down is "playtime" for many cats.

" The second time was obviously when she ran passed him." - Understandable.

" Both times I was able to intervene and distract." - Great

"Nothing new from this morning. She came down as he was eating breakfast and when she saw him walking towards her she hissed and snuck upstairs for her morning nap." - Ok, that is fine.

"Im noticing that on weekends and Mondays when someone is home all day, she tends to be more moody in the evenings so that was a possibility for her mood on Monday." - Ok, let's keep watching that.

" There was also a big blizzard rolling in on Monday night but I don't know if cats can sense those things and if that would have affected her. " - Yes, they can sense that. Could be on that day.

Well, this is even more positive. I think we are getting there. Let's see.

Great work!!!! :)
Nothing overly major to update and everything is still moving along smoothly. Sapphire has been staying downstairs, at least for a little bit every evening.

Wednesday evening she was laying on a scratching pad and I got Fluffy to semi lay down about five feet away for a few minutes and distracted as needed. Eventually Sapphire made her way upstairs but seemed perfectly fine.

Last night she was up on the window perch that they both use and she stayed up there for quite a bit. Fluffy was a bit more of a handful and really wanted to go to her. When she jumped off onto the couch, Fluffy did try and make a run for her which started her a bit (she hunched over and backwards on the couch and her ears went back). I stopped him and distracted him which allowed Sapphire to jump down and make her way slowly upstairs.

Nothing too over the top.

Here is a video I took last night, however it is quite uneventful.
 

calicosrspecial

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Nothing overly major to update and everything is still moving along smoothly. Sapphire has been staying downstairs, at least for a little bit every evening.

Wednesday evening she was laying on a scratching pad and I got Fluffy to semi lay down about five feet away for a few minutes and distracted as needed. Eventually Sapphire made her way upstairs but seemed perfectly fine.

Last night she was up on the window perch that they both use and she stayed up there for quite a bit. Fluffy was a bit more of a handful and really wanted to go to her. When she jumped off onto the couch, Fluffy did try and make a run for her which started her a bit (she hunched over and backwards on the couch and her ears went back). I stopped him and distracted him which allowed Sapphire to jump down and make her way slowly upstairs.

Nothing too over the top.

Here is a video I took last night, however it is quite uneventful.
"Nothing overly major to update and everything is still moving along smoothly." - Great

" Sapphire has been staying downstairs, at least for a little bit every evening." - GREAT!!! :)

"Wednesday evening she was laying on a scratching pad and I got Fluffy to semi lay down about five feet away for a few minutes and distracted as needed. Eventually Sapphire made her way upstairs but seemed perfectly fine." - WOW!! FANTASTIC!!!

"Last night she was up on the window perch that they both use and she stayed up there for quite a bit." - GREAT!!!

" Fluffy was a bit more of a handful and really wanted to go to her." - Hahahaha, yep. He wants to play!!!

"When she jumped off onto the couch, Fluffy did try and make a run for her which started her a bit" - Of course

"(she hunched over and backwards on the couch and her ears went back)." - Ok, just telling him not to try anything.

" I stopped him and distracted him which allowed Sapphire to jump down and make her way slowly upstairs." - Great. Key word is "slowly"!!!

"Nothing too over the top. " - Actually sounds fantastic.

Video - Well THAT was FANTASTIC!!! :) First off, aren't they SERIOUSLY ADORABLE!!!! Sapphire looks GREAT, Fluffy looks GREAT. Body language is perfect. I LOVE how at the end she looks out knowing he is down there. PERFECT!!! Personally, I would sit on the couch, see if someone wants some love and see if we can get them near while being relaxed, focused on you, etc. But the video was PERFECT!!! :)
 
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Graham18

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Hello! Nothing really to update unfortunately.

Sapphire has once again become inconsistent over the weekend. For the most part she has just stayed upstairs in her bed and not come downstairs until after Fluffy has gone to bed. On Saturday night she was up on the window perch again but this time didn't seem too comfortable when Fluffy was out eating and I was sitting with her (there was some irritated meowing and paw raising if I got too close to her). As soon as Fluffy wasn't paying attention she took the opportunity to run upstairs.

She has also briefly been coming to the stairs sometimes in the mornings but she only makes it about half way down and then just sits and stares while Fluffy either watches her or is busy trying to get passed me to run up the stairs towards her.

I have tried to get her to come closer with her favorite treats but she really doesn't seem interested in them until Fluffy isn't paying attention. I brought him upstairs tonight and she completely ignored the treats and was acting very timid. She was perfectly fine downstairs as soon as I put Fluffy in his room.

I believe I'm starting to be hard on myself once again, mainly because I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or not enough of something, and also for the fact that even though I know there's not much I can do, not knowing what to do in the times when they are both together while avoiding a fight. I don't want Fluffy to get close and get in a fight with her where they are all tangled up and rolling around, but I'm having trouble imagining a time when they can be in the same room and doing their own thing without Fluffy being super fixated on her.

Another small bit of information, but lately, Sapphire has been going right up to Fluffy's door after he's gone to bed at some point and she hisses at the door and then starts whacking it, even if he's already asleep.
 
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