Help/Advice for introductions

calicosrspecial

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I do hope that it was the moment that helped!
Nothing new to update however. Sapphire didn't even come downstairs last night and just stayed in her bed. Prior to giving them their first dinner, Sapphire was hiding underneath my clothes rack and she barely touched her wet food. I just assumed she wasn't feeling well but shortly after Fluffy went to bed she was downstairs playing so I'm not sure.

I also left her door open this morning while Fluffy was out, however she didn't come downstairs again and instead chose to lay in her bed.

I'm just hoping she's not scared, but rather just not in the mood to see him.
"I do hope that it was the moment that helped!" - I think it did.

"Nothing new to update however." - Ok. Not surprising. At this point it tends to be very incremental with moments of pauses.

" Sapphire didn't even come downstairs last night and just stayed in her bed." - Ok

" Prior to giving them their first dinner, Sapphire was hiding underneath my clothes rack and she barely touched her wet food. I just assumed she wasn't feeling well but shortly after Fluffy went to bed she was downstairs playing so I'm not sure." - Hmmmmmm. Ok, anything happen before dinner? Anything outside? Fluffy making noise? Etc?

"I also left her door open this morning while Fluffy was out, however she didn't come downstairs again and instead chose to lay in her bed." - I am not at all bothered by that. If she was hiding like the previous night it would make me think but if she was just in her bed, that is fine. She is not the most social cat in the world.

"I'm just hoping she's not scared, but rather just not in the mood to see him. " - Well, what would have scared her? Noises, actions, things outside, etc?

Just don't think much about it, have fun, relax, enjoy yourself and we'll see how she does. I am not at all worried.
 
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"I do hope that it was the moment that helped!" - I think it did.

"Nothing new to update however." - Ok. Not surprising. At this point it tends to be very incremental with moments of pauses.

" Sapphire didn't even come downstairs last night and just stayed in her bed." - Ok

" Prior to giving them their first dinner, Sapphire was hiding underneath my clothes rack and she barely touched her wet food. I just assumed she wasn't feeling well but shortly after Fluffy went to bed she was downstairs playing so I'm not sure." - Hmmmmmm. Ok, anything happen before dinner? Anything outside? Fluffy making noise? Etc?

"I also left her door open this morning while Fluffy was out, however she didn't come downstairs again and instead chose to lay in her bed." - I am not at all bothered by that. If she was hiding like the previous night it would make me think but if she was just in her bed, that is fine. She is not the most social cat in the world.

"I'm just hoping she's not scared, but rather just not in the mood to see him. " - Well, what would have scared her? Noises, actions, things outside, etc?

Just don't think much about it, have fun, relax, enjoy yourself and we'll see how she does. I am not at all worried.
I apologize for the late response! For some reason I thought I had responded already.

To my knowledge there wasn't anything that would have spooked Sapphire and it's possibly just a mood. She's been acting oddly for the passed few days now. She doesn't eat her food at her normal times, and will eat sometime during the night instead of normal feeding time. She's also been spending a lot more time in her room than usual.

During the evening when Fluffy is out, she's just been staying upstairs in her room and not coming down until he's gone to bed (not right away, usually half an hour or so after). Last night she went upstairs when I brought Fluffy down but before he was out freely. I didn't quite see but she looked like she was quite low to the ground with her tail low when she went up.

I'm wondering if me being home is throwing her off or if it's just a mood she's in. It's tough to say since the behaviour started on the first day I was home, but on normal weekends she seems perfectly fine. It's so unlike her to not eat at her regular times. She's also been a little more active later at night than usual.

I did have some luck this morning. I left her door open while Fluffy had breakfast and she came downstairs briefly. She sat on the stairs for a bit before coming down to the base and stayed for a few minutes before going back upstairs.

Here she is staring at a treat while Fluffy is off in the kitchen eating his breakfast.
20220116_092154.jpg


Fluffy hasn't done anything negative. I've heard some banging at the gate upstairs but I think it's sapphire going up and hissing at him.
 

calicosrspecial

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I apologize for the late response! For some reason I thought I had responded already.

To my knowledge there wasn't anything that would have spooked Sapphire and it's possibly just a mood. She's been acting oddly for the passed few days now. She doesn't eat her food at her normal times, and will eat sometime during the night instead of normal feeding time. She's also been spending a lot more time in her room than usual.

During the evening when Fluffy is out, she's just been staying upstairs in her room and not coming down until he's gone to bed (not right away, usually half an hour or so after). Last night she went upstairs when I brought Fluffy down but before he was out freely. I didn't quite see but she looked like she was quite low to the ground with her tail low when she went up.

I'm wondering if me being home is throwing her off or if it's just a mood she's in. It's tough to say since the behaviour started on the first day I was home, but on normal weekends she seems perfectly fine. It's so unlike her to not eat at her regular times. She's also been a little more active later at night than usual.

I did have some luck this morning. I left her door open while Fluffy had breakfast and she came downstairs briefly. She sat on the stairs for a bit before coming down to the base and stayed for a few minutes before going back upstairs.

Here she is staring at a treat while Fluffy is off in the kitchen eating his breakfast.
View attachment 407837

Fluffy hasn't done anything negative. I've heard some banging at the gate upstairs but I think it's sapphire going up and hissing at him.
"I apologize for the late response! For some reason I thought I had responded already." - No apology needed. :)

"To my knowledge there wasn't anything that would have spooked Sapphire and it's possibly just a mood. She's been acting oddly for the passed few days now. She doesn't eat her food at her normal times, and will eat sometime during the night instead of normal feeding time. She's also been spending a lot more time in her room than usual." - Hmmmmm, ok. :/

"During the evening when Fluffy is out, she's just been staying upstairs in her room and not coming down until he's gone to bed (not right away, usually half an hour or so after)." - ok, so probably not him then.

" Last night she went upstairs when I brought Fluffy down but before he was out freely. " - ok, not something that bothers me.

"I didn't quite see but she looked like she was quite low to the ground with her tail low when she went up." - Hmmmmm, ok. This is where we need to stick with the "tough love". Let's see if that helps. Part of me wonders if she does have a chemical imbalance at times. Problem is, it is not always. Just once in a while. I would mention it to the vet next time. Are you sure there is nothing outside that might be causing it?

"I'm wondering if me being home is throwing her off or if it's just a mood she's in." - Ok, could be the change in the work hours.

" It's tough to say since the behaviour started on the first day I was home, but on normal weekends she seems perfectly fine. " - Well, cats do seems to know days strangely enough. This is what I mean, sometimes there is a good reason for the behavior. :/

"It's so unlike her to not eat at her regular times." - Yes, I don't like that.

"She's also been a little more active later at night than usual." - Interesting. Anything that might be outside? Of course, if she is resting more during the day then she would have more energy. :/

"I did have some luck this morning. I left her door open while Fluffy had breakfast and she came downstairs briefly. She sat on the stairs for a bit before coming down to the base and stayed for a few minutes before going back upstairs." - Great. And now this is not consistent with "issues". Hmmmmmmmmmm

"Here she is staring at a treat while Fluffy is off in the kitchen eating his breakfast. " - Awwwww, she looks fine there.

"Fluffy hasn't done anything negative." - Great

" I've heard some banging at the gate upstairs but I think it's sapphire going up and hissing at him." - Ok, feel free to go up there if you can and distract and reassure her.
 
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"I apologize for the late response! For some reason I thought I had responded already." - No apology needed. :)

"To my knowledge there wasn't anything that would have spooked Sapphire and it's possibly just a mood. She's been acting oddly for the passed few days now. She doesn't eat her food at her normal times, and will eat sometime during the night instead of normal feeding time. She's also been spending a lot more time in her room than usual." - Hmmmmm, ok. :/

"During the evening when Fluffy is out, she's just been staying upstairs in her room and not coming down until he's gone to bed (not right away, usually half an hour or so after)." - ok, so probably not him then.

" Last night she went upstairs when I brought Fluffy down but before he was out freely. " - ok, not something that bothers me.

"I didn't quite see but she looked like she was quite low to the ground with her tail low when she went up." - Hmmmmm, ok. This is where we need to stick with the "tough love". Let's see if that helps. Part of me wonders if she does have a chemical imbalance at times. Problem is, it is not always. Just once in a while. I would mention it to the vet next time. Are you sure there is nothing outside that might be causing it?

"I'm wondering if me being home is throwing her off or if it's just a mood she's in." - Ok, could be the change in the work hours.

" It's tough to say since the behaviour started on the first day I was home, but on normal weekends she seems perfectly fine. " - Well, cats do seems to know days strangely enough. This is what I mean, sometimes there is a good reason for the behavior. :/

"It's so unlike her to not eat at her regular times." - Yes, I don't like that.

"She's also been a little more active later at night than usual." - Interesting. Anything that might be outside? Of course, if she is resting more during the day then she would have more energy. :/

"I did have some luck this morning. I left her door open while Fluffy had breakfast and she came downstairs briefly. She sat on the stairs for a bit before coming down to the base and stayed for a few minutes before going back upstairs." - Great. And now this is not consistent with "issues". Hmmmmmmmmmm

"Here she is staring at a treat while Fluffy is off in the kitchen eating his breakfast. " - Awwwww, she looks fine there.

"Fluffy hasn't done anything negative." - Great

" I've heard some banging at the gate upstairs but I think it's sapphire going up and hissing at him." - Ok, feel free to go up there if you can and distract and reassure her.
I will see how she is once I go back to work. I know she sometimes goes through these phases. I'd say overall she's not afraid of him. Maybe anxious or still cautious. As for outside, there is nothing I am aware of. There were some deer the other night but she loves to watch the deer. I'll keep an eye on her and see if I notice anything.
I just wanted to clarify that she does eat her food, just not when it's given to her. By the time I wake up in the morning all of her food is usually gone.
 

calicosrspecial

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I will see how she is once I go back to work. I know she sometimes goes through these phases. I'd say overall she's not afraid of him. Maybe anxious or still cautious. As for outside, there is nothing I am aware of. There were some deer the other night but she loves to watch the deer. I'll keep an eye on her and see if I notice anything.
I just wanted to clarify that she does eat her food, just not when it's given to her. By the time I wake up in the morning all of her food is usually gone.
"I will see how she is once I go back to work." - Yes, I would not worry, just enjoy your time off.

" I know she sometimes goes through these phases." - Yes. Any idea why?

" I'd say overall she's not afraid of him. " - Great

"Maybe anxious or still cautious. " - Agreed

"As for outside, there is nothing I am aware of. There were some deer the other night but she loves to watch the deer. I'll keep an eye on her and see if I notice anything." - Ok. I am thinking coyotes, other cats, etc.

"I just wanted to clarify that she does eat her food, just not when it's given to her. By the time I wake up in the morning all of her food is usually gone. " - Good. Yes, it is just the timing.
 
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"I will see how she is once I go back to work." - Yes, I would not worry, just enjoy your time off.

" I know she sometimes goes through these phases." - Yes. Any idea why?

" I'd say overall she's not afraid of him. " - Great

"Maybe anxious or still cautious. " - Agreed

"As for outside, there is nothing I am aware of. There were some deer the other night but she loves to watch the deer. I'll keep an eye on her and see if I notice anything." - Ok. I am thinking coyotes, other cats, etc.

"I just wanted to clarify that she does eat her food, just not when it's given to her. By the time I wake up in the morning all of her food is usually gone. " - Good. Yes, it is just the timing.
I'm not really sure why she acts the way she acts sometimes. There is definitely something there, but I'm not sure what. It's quite confusing that I don't know what to do to solve it.

Last night was mostly the same. Once I brought Fluffy downstairs she quickly went upstairs before I let him out. I decided to let him come upstairs with me to see how she would act. The thing is, when we were up there, she's perfectly fine. She was laying in her bed but happily came close for treats and to eat some of her food and would turn her back to groom herself. No issues at all.

Once downstairs, she did come to the top of the stairs but wouldn't even move slightly to get a treat. Fluffy was just laying down at the foot of the stairs and I was sitting between them.

For now I'm trying to leave her door open as much as possible (as difficult as it is focusing on making sure Fluffy doesn't try and go upstairs), and trying to let Fluffy out as much as possible in hopes that maybe she will come downstairs.

I also wanted to add that Sapphire ate all of her food last night at dinner time instead of waiting.
 

calicosrspecial

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I'm not really sure why she acts the way she acts sometimes. There is definitely something there, but I'm not sure what. It's quite confusing that I don't know what to do to solve it.

Last night was mostly the same. Once I brought Fluffy downstairs she quickly went upstairs before I let him out. I decided to let him come upstairs with me to see how she would act. The thing is, when we were up there, she's perfectly fine. She was laying in her bed but happily came close for treats and to eat some of her food and would turn her back to groom herself. No issues at all.

Once downstairs, she did come to the top of the stairs but wouldn't even move slightly to get a treat. Fluffy was just laying down at the foot of the stairs and I was sitting between them.

For now I'm trying to leave her door open as much as possible (as difficult as it is focusing on making sure Fluffy doesn't try and go upstairs), and trying to let Fluffy out as much as possible in hopes that maybe she will come downstairs.

I also wanted to add that Sapphire ate all of her food last night at dinner time instead of waiting.
"I'm not really sure why she acts the way she acts sometimes. There is definitely something there, but I'm not sure what. It's quite confusing that I don't know what to do to solve it." - :/ Could just be a lack of confidence. Something outside. Chemical at times.

"Last night was mostly the same." - OK

" Once I brought Fluffy downstairs she quickly went upstairs before I let him out." - Ok

" I decided to let him come upstairs with me to see how she would act. The thing is, when we were up there, she's perfectly fine. She was laying in her bed but happily came close for treats and to eat some of her food and would turn her back to groom herself. No issues at all." - Interesting. So maybe she is just very confident there. Could be confidence, maybe a bit of a game, a routine to her. BUT GREAT that she was fine upstairs.

"Once downstairs, she did come to the top of the stairs but wouldn't even move slightly to get a treat. Fluffy was just laying down at the foot of the stairs and I was sitting between them." - Ok, I am not bothered by that.

"For now I'm trying to leave her door open as much as possible (as difficult as it is focusing on making sure Fluffy doesn't try and go upstairs), and trying to let Fluffy out as much as possible in hopes that maybe she will come downstairs." - Great and remember ot be aloof, don't coerce her, tough love, etc.

"I also wanted to add that Sapphire ate all of her food last night at dinner time instead of waiting." - GREAT!!! :)

Did she ever act like this pre-Fluffy? Any of these actions/behaviours at all?
 
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"I'm not really sure why she acts the way she acts sometimes. There is definitely something there, but I'm not sure what. It's quite confusing that I don't know what to do to solve it." - :/ Could just be a lack of confidence. Something outside. Chemical at times.

"Last night was mostly the same." - OK

" Once I brought Fluffy downstairs she quickly went upstairs before I let him out." - Ok

" I decided to let him come upstairs with me to see how she would act. The thing is, when we were up there, she's perfectly fine. She was laying in her bed but happily came close for treats and to eat some of her food and would turn her back to groom herself. No issues at all." - Interesting. So maybe she is just very confident there. Could be confidence, maybe a bit of a game, a routine to her. BUT GREAT that she was fine upstairs.

"Once downstairs, she did come to the top of the stairs but wouldn't even move slightly to get a treat. Fluffy was just laying down at the foot of the stairs and I was sitting between them." - Ok, I am not bothered by that.

"For now I'm trying to leave her door open as much as possible (as difficult as it is focusing on making sure Fluffy doesn't try and go upstairs), and trying to let Fluffy out as much as possible in hopes that maybe she will come downstairs." - Great and remember ot be aloof, don't coerce her, tough love, etc.

"I also wanted to add that Sapphire ate all of her food last night at dinner time instead of waiting." - GREAT!!! :)

Did she ever act like this pre-Fluffy? Any of these actions/behaviours at all?
It's been so long that I don't really remember what she was like. She did sleep a lot and I think I mentioned that after I returned to work in early 2021 after being off for 10 weeks she started having some seperation anxiety issues which was the main reason we wanted to get her a companion.

Other than that I'd say there was just typical changes as she aged. She was about 8 months when she was adopted and she'll now be 3 next weekend (her approximate birthday from her vet records).

I still do think it's a bit of anxiety from him, but I'm happy she's not hiding and rather just relaxing and half of the time she really doesn't seem to care he's there. She'll walk by his door and hiss and then go on her way.

I gave them some treats up at the doorway to her room today and other than a few growls here and there she seemed fine. A little while later she was up on the window perch and I brought Fluffy downstairs and she watched him but just looked out the window for the most part. After a minutes she jumped down and went and sat on the stairs for another few minutes before she went upstairs. I'm guessing if she was truely afraid she wouldn't be sticking around at all.
 

calicosrspecial

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It's been so long that I don't really remember what she was like. She did sleep a lot and I think I mentioned that after I returned to work in early 2021 after being off for 10 weeks she started having some seperation anxiety issues which was the main reason we wanted to get her a companion.

Other than that I'd say there was just typical changes as she aged. She was about 8 months when she was adopted and she'll now be 3 next weekend (her approximate birthday from her vet records).

I still do think it's a bit of anxiety from him, but I'm happy she's not hiding and rather just relaxing and half of the time she really doesn't seem to care he's there. She'll walk by his door and hiss and then go on her way.

I gave them some treats up at the doorway to her room today and other than a few growls here and there she seemed fine. A little while later she was up on the window perch and I brought Fluffy downstairs and she watched him but just looked out the window for the most part. After a minutes she jumped down and went and sat on the stairs for another few minutes before she went upstairs. I'm guessing if she was truely afraid she wouldn't be sticking around at all.
"It's been so long that I don't really remember what she was like." - Ok

" She did sleep a lot and I think I mentioned that after I returned to work in early 2021 after being off for 10 weeks she started having some seperation anxiety issues which was the main reason we wanted to get her a companion." - Yes

"Other than that I'd say there was just typical changes as she aged. She was about 8 months when she was adopted and she'll now be 3 next weekend (her approximate birthday from her vet records)." - Ok

"I still do think it's a bit of anxiety from him," - Ok

" but I'm happy she's not hiding and rather just relaxing and half of the time she really doesn't seem to care he's there. She'll walk by his door and hiss and then go on her way." - EXACTLY!!! She is making progress.

"I gave them some treats up at the doorway to her room today and other than a few growls here and there she seemed fine." - Great, we need ot get her to be like that downstairs.

" A little while later she was up on the window perch and I brought Fluffy downstairs and she watched him but just looked out the window for the most part. After a minutes she jumped down and went and sat on the stairs for another few minutes before she went upstairs." - WOW!!! THAT is great progress!!!

" I'm guessing if she was truely afraid she wouldn't be sticking around at all." - Exactly.

She is getting there, slowly but surely!!!!
 
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Graham18

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Nothing really new to update. Still some improvement from Sapphire starting yesterday. I didn't expect her to come to the stairs last night as she looked pretty content grooming herself and relaxing in her bed after dinner. After a few minutes of Fluffy being out she made her way to the top of the stairs for a few minutes before going back to her room. A little while later while Fluffy was relaxing on the window perch she came to the top of the stairs again and was staring at him while he looked out the window but he didn't notice her. Again, a little bit later, I was sitting on the couch while Fluffy was still on the perch and Sapphire came all the way down and to the base of the couch. I don't know if she knew Fluffy was still on the perch (black cat and dark outside). It took him a second to turn around and notice her and she hissed and growled at him. I blocked his path to jump on her and she ran back upstairs.

He was still doing that thing where he gets upset when she hisses at him. He gave me a very small bite as I held him back from jumping down on top of her BUT he was over it and back to relaxing within less than a minute.

This morning wasn't too exciting. Sapphire came downstairs or to the stairs three times in total. There was quite a bit of hissing and growling and therefore a lot of distracting Fluffy or sitting on the stairs to block is path but nothing negative happened.
 

calicosrspecial

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Nothing really new to update. Still some improvement from Sapphire starting yesterday. I didn't expect her to come to the stairs last night as she looked pretty content grooming herself and relaxing in her bed after dinner. After a few minutes of Fluffy being out she made her way to the top of the stairs for a few minutes before going back to her room. A little while later while Fluffy was relaxing on the window perch she came to the top of the stairs again and was staring at him while he looked out the window but he didn't notice her. Again, a little bit later, I was sitting on the couch while Fluffy was still on the perch and Sapphire came all the way down and to the base of the couch. I don't know if she knew Fluffy was still on the perch (black cat and dark outside). It took him a second to turn around and notice her and she hissed and growled at him. I blocked his path to jump on her and she ran back upstairs.

He was still doing that thing where he gets upset when she hisses at him. He gave me a very small bite as I held him back from jumping down on top of her BUT he was over it and back to relaxing within less than a minute.

This morning wasn't too exciting. Sapphire came downstairs or to the stairs three times in total. There was quite a bit of hissing and growling and therefore a lot of distracting Fluffy or sitting on the stairs to block is path but nothing negative happened.
"Nothing really new to update." - Ok, that is fine.

" Still some improvement from Sapphire starting yesterday." - Great

" I didn't expect her to come to the stairs last night as she looked pretty content grooming herself and relaxing in her bed after dinner. After a few minutes of Fluffy being out she made her way to the top of the stairs for a few minutes before going back to her room." - Great

" A little while later while Fluffy was relaxing on the window perch she came to the top of the stairs again and was staring at him while he looked out the window but he didn't notice her. " - Great

"Again, a little bit later, I was sitting on the couch while Fluffy was still on the perch and Sapphire came all the way down and to the base of the couch." - :yess: :hyper: :clap2: EXACTLY what we want to see!!! :)

" I don't know if she knew Fluffy was still on the perch (black cat and dark outside)." - I am guessing she did. They can hear, see and smell everything.

" It took him a second to turn around and notice her and she hissed and growled at him." - OK

" I blocked his path to jump on her and she ran back upstairs." - Ok, that is fine. He didn't chase her which is great.

"He was still doing that thing where he gets upset when she hisses at him. He gave me a very small bite as I held him back from jumping down on top of her" - :(

" BUT he was over it and back to relaxing within less than a minute." - GREAT!!!!

"This morning wasn't too exciting. Sapphire came downstairs or to the stairs three times in total." - Ok, that is the key. How she acts after. So that "incident" last night was fine in her eyes. GREAT!!!

" There was quite a bit of hissing and growling and therefore a lot of distracting Fluffy or sitting on the stairs to block is path" - Yes, expected.

" but nothing negative happened. " - GREAT!!!!

Yes, more progress!!! FANTASTIC!!!!!
 
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"Nothing really new to update." - Ok, that is fine.

" Still some improvement from Sapphire starting yesterday." - Great

" I didn't expect her to come to the stairs last night as she looked pretty content grooming herself and relaxing in her bed after dinner. After a few minutes of Fluffy being out she made her way to the top of the stairs for a few minutes before going back to her room." - Great

" A little while later while Fluffy was relaxing on the window perch she came to the top of the stairs again and was staring at him while he looked out the window but he didn't notice her. " - Great

"Again, a little bit later, I was sitting on the couch while Fluffy was still on the perch and Sapphire came all the way down and to the base of the couch." - :yess: :hyper: :clap2: EXACTLY what we want to see!!! :)

" I don't know if she knew Fluffy was still on the perch (black cat and dark outside)." - I am guessing she did. They can hear, see and smell everything.

" It took him a second to turn around and notice her and she hissed and growled at him." - OK

" I blocked his path to jump on her and she ran back upstairs." - Ok, that is fine. He didn't chase her which is great.

"He was still doing that thing where he gets upset when she hisses at him. He gave me a very small bite as I held him back from jumping down on top of her" - :(

" BUT he was over it and back to relaxing within less than a minute." - GREAT!!!!

"This morning wasn't too exciting. Sapphire came downstairs or to the stairs three times in total." - Ok, that is the key. How she acts after. So that "incident" last night was fine in her eyes. GREAT!!!

" There was quite a bit of hissing and growling and therefore a lot of distracting Fluffy or sitting on the stairs to block is path" - Yes, expected.

" but nothing negative happened. " - GREAT!!!!

Yes, more progress!!! FANTASTIC!!!!!
The bite was very light, not like his other ones and he was over it really fast at least. I just didn't want him to jump as he was quite high above her. I've just got to get him over this getting upset when she hisses or growls at him. He's getting better but we've still got some work to do to teach him that no means no.
 

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The bite was very light, not like his other ones and he was over it really fast at least. I just didn't want him to jump as he was quite high above her. I've just got to get him over this getting upset when she hisses or growls at him. He's getting better but we've still got some work to do to teach him that no means no.
"The bite was very light, not like his other ones" - Good that it was light but not so good he still did it. But we know that he doesn't really want to hurt which is good.

" and he was over it really fast at least." - Great

" I just didn't want him to jump as he was quite high above her." -Agreed

" I've just got to get him over this getting upset when she hisses or growls at him." - Yes, does he seem scared or does he just want to have some fun with it?

" He's getting better but we've still got some work to do to teach him that no means no." - Yes. He just can't resist the urge whatever is behind it (play or anger).
 
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"The bite was very light, not like his other ones" - Good that it was light but not so good he still did it. But we know that he doesn't really want to hurt which is good.

" and he was over it really fast at least." - Great

" I just didn't want him to jump as he was quite high above her." -Agreed

" I've just got to get him over this getting upset when she hisses or growls at him." - Yes, does he seem scared or does he just want to have some fun with it?

" He's getting better but we've still got some work to do to teach him that no means no." - Yes. He just can't resist the urge whatever is behind it (play or anger).
He doesn't seem scared (he gets scared really easily and I'm not seeing that). He either wants to play but my guess is he gets a bit frustrated when she hisses at him because she won't play with him. He will stare really intently and make these little sighing type sounds, almost like a chirp but there is only air coming out, no sound.
 

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He doesn't seem scared (he gets scared really easily and I'm not seeing that). He either wants to play but my guess is he gets a bit frustrated when she hisses at him because she won't play with him. He will stare really intently and make these little sighing type sounds, almost like a chirp but there is only air coming out, no sound.
"He doesn't seem scared (he gets scared really easily and I'm not seeing that)." - Good

" He either wants to play but my guess is he gets a bit frustrated when she hisses at him because she won't play with him." - Ok

" He will stare really intently and make these little sighing type sounds, almost like a chirp but there is only air coming out, no sound." - Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

I just want to make sure I am not missing anything. Very good.
 
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"He doesn't seem scared (he gets scared really easily and I'm not seeing that)." - Good

" He either wants to play but my guess is he gets a bit frustrated when she hisses at him because she won't play with him." - Ok

" He will stare really intently and make these little sighing type sounds, almost like a chirp but there is only air coming out, no sound." - Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

I just want to make sure I am not missing anything. Very good.
I wish I was better at describing it. If anything I'm worried I'm missing something. It's hard for me to describe the sounds that Fluffy makes since they aren't really sounds at all.

Sapphire has been very hit or miss so far. Some days she'll make her way to the stairs and others she won't leave her room or bed. Last night she seemed to briefly get scared for no reason. Fluffy was behind baby gates just relaxing and Sapphire was laying on the dining room chairs. Out of the blue she took off upstairs and underneath the clothing rack. She made her way to the top of the stairs once the whole evening but wouldn't come further than that.
 

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I wish I was better at describing it. If anything I'm worried I'm missing something. It's hard for me to describe the sounds that Fluffy makes since they aren't really sounds at all.

Sapphire has been very hit or miss so far. Some days she'll make her way to the stairs and others she won't leave her room or bed. Last night she seemed to briefly get scared for no reason. Fluffy was behind baby gates just relaxing and Sapphire was laying on the dining room chairs. Out of the blue she took off upstairs and underneath the clothing rack. She made her way to the top of the stairs once the whole evening but wouldn't come further than that.
"I wish I was better at describing it. " - It is ok, it is hard. I have a hard time describing things as well but I think your instincts are good that if it was an issue you would sense it.

"If anything I'm worried I'm missing something." - Well, I feel the same way buy I honestly don't think we are with him. I think either we are missing something outside (or in the walls) or missing some kind of chemical imbalance in her or some kind of past trauma.

" It's hard for me to describe the sounds that Fluffy makes since they aren't really sounds at all." - Yes, understandable.

"Sapphire has been very hit or miss so far." - Ok. On the miss days try t get a sense of her body language, what might be going on before, time of day, place she is, etc.

" Some days she'll make her way to the stairs and others she won't leave her room or bed." - That in of itself is really not an issue. Cats that are accepting each other do that often. SO that behavior really depends on the context.

" Last night she seemed to briefly get scared for no reason." - Hmmmmm, ok.

" Fluffy was behind baby gates just relaxing and Sapphire was laying on the dining room chairs. Out of the blue she took off upstairs and underneath the clothing rack. "- Hmmmm, ok. Was it dark? Cats can hear so well and smell so well. It sure doesn't seem like Fluffy was the cause. I just keep wondering about something outside (intact male, predator, etc).Of it could be a chemical imbalance but I could think if it was that it would happen more often.

"She made her way to the top of the stairs once the whole evening " - Ok, that is good. How was her body language?

"but wouldn't come further than that. " - Ok :/
 
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"I wish I was better at describing it. " - It is ok, it is hard. I have a hard time describing things as well but I think your instincts are good that if it was an issue you would sense it.

"If anything I'm worried I'm missing something." - Well, I feel the same way buy I honestly don't think we are with him. I think either we are missing something outside (or in the walls) or missing some kind of chemical imbalance in her or some kind of past trauma.

" It's hard for me to describe the sounds that Fluffy makes since they aren't really sounds at all." - Yes, understandable.

"Sapphire has been very hit or miss so far." - Ok. On the miss days try t get a sense of her body language, what might be going on before, time of day, place she is, etc.

" Some days she'll make her way to the stairs and others she won't leave her room or bed." - That in of itself is really not an issue. Cats that are accepting each other do that often. SO that behavior really depends on the context.

" Last night she seemed to briefly get scared for no reason." - Hmmmmm, ok.

" Fluffy was behind baby gates just relaxing and Sapphire was laying on the dining room chairs. Out of the blue she took off upstairs and underneath the clothing rack. "- Hmmmm, ok. Was it dark? Cats can hear so well and smell so well. It sure doesn't seem like Fluffy was the cause. I just keep wondering about something outside (intact male, predator, etc).Of it could be a chemical imbalance but I could think if it was that it would happen more often.

"She made her way to the top of the stairs once the whole evening " - Ok, that is good. How was her body language?

"but wouldn't come further than that. " - Ok :/
I will say that generally when she's sitting on the stairs she does not look scared at all, maybe curious if anything. Her mood changes often but I don't believe she is stressed. She is a very happy cat for the most part, just a bit skittish.
 

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I will say that generally when she's sitting on the stairs she does not look scared at all, maybe curious if anything. Her mood changes often but I don't believe she is stressed. She is a very happy cat for the most part, just a bit skittish.
"I will say that generally when she's sitting on the stairs she does not look scared at all," - Great. Is it because she is higher? Or not on the first floor? Etc. I want to get deeper into what might be going on, causing certain things, helping things, etc. The hard part is, it isn't obvious or tangible so it makes our task a bit more challenging.

" maybe curious if anything." - Curious is great. So the battle is does my curiosity overcome any caution.

" Her mood changes often but I don't believe she is stressed." - Excellent. She doesn't seem stressed to me but it is good to get confirmation. The question is what is causing the mood changes, the caution (especially when there is no obvious reason). So if Fluffy is staring and his body language is negative then it makes sense to be cautious. But like the other day, what causes that? Is it in her mind, is it outside, etc.

" She is a very happy cat for the most part," - GREAT!!! Which tells me that Fluffy is not the big of an issue and that she is accepting him to a large degree.

" just a bit skittish." - Yes. Do you get a sense she is more skittish than she was pre-Fluffy or the same? Did she act differently downstairs vs upstairs before?

But to get us perspective, she is doing great AND it is because of what you have been doing. We are in a better place than I think we ever were before. We are not totally there yet BUT (and I know I have been wrong before) I truly believe we are on the cusp.
 
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"I will say that generally when she's sitting on the stairs she does not look scared at all," - Great. Is it because she is higher? Or not on the first floor? Etc. I want to get deeper into what might be going on, causing certain things, helping things, etc. The hard part is, it isn't obvious or tangible so it makes our task a bit more challenging.

" maybe curious if anything." - Curious is great. So the battle is does my curiosity overcome any caution.

" Her mood changes often but I don't believe she is stressed." - Excellent. She doesn't seem stressed to me but it is good to get confirmation. The question is what is causing the mood changes, the caution (especially when there is no obvious reason). So if Fluffy is staring and his body language is negative then it makes sense to be cautious. But like the other day, what causes that? Is it in her mind, is it outside, etc.

" She is a very happy cat for the most part," - GREAT!!! Which tells me that Fluffy is not the big of an issue and that she is accepting him to a large degree.

" just a bit skittish." - Yes. Do you get a sense she is more skittish than she was pre-Fluffy or the same? Did she act differently downstairs vs upstairs before?

But to get us perspective, she is doing great AND it is because of what you have been doing. We are in a better place than I think we ever were before. We are not totally there yet BUT (and I know I have been wrong before) I truly believe we are on the cusp.
I think she's probably not scared because she knows she can run to safety if she needs to. She's also quite a distance from him and she only seems to get scared when he's closer to her. There are so many reasons it could be, though I don't believe it's something outside. A part of me thinks that she's just accepting that Fluffy exists but doesn't want to be near him or is worried that she's going into his territory.

She is happy and still loves to cuddle and play when he's not around and even when she is upstairs while he is downstairs she doesn't seem stressed for the most part. I think it could possibly be a bit of PTSD that triggers it but I'm unsure. They do stare at eachother but other than that there isn't really any negative body language. Usually Fluffy will be laying down or sitting and purring or meowing or chirping. I think it's all in her mind, or she's just trying to avoid being jumped on.

She has also been always somewhat skittish, but more so as she aged. When she was around a year old she was very curious and playful and very social. Between a year and a half to two years old, she definitely became less of those things and would spend more time alone (this was also around the time I was off work for ten weeks during lockdown #2). When I returned to work was when she started acting differently. She spent more time in her room and she wouldn't let anyone except me and my partner pet her and to this day almost a year later she still won't let my mom pet her. When we first got Fluffy she changed quite a bit and wouldn't even come downstairs. I'd say now she's fairly normal. She still prefers to stay upstairs when he is out and she sleeps up there too, but the rest of the time she goes around freely whenever she pleases. This is basically the same as it was prior to adopting Fluffy.

Right now it's just been trying to decode what is keeping her away from him. It may just be a phase that she's going through. She recently also completely stopped going up on the cat tree out of the blue and only goes up on the window perch now. Fluffy goes on the cat tree sometimes but it's rare and he also goes on the window perch so I'm guessing he's not the issue and her tastes of just changed.

I'll keep it up. I've been doing really good leaving her door open in the morning and evening when Fluffy is out so it's just a matter of getting her to come downstairs now
 
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