- Joined
- Mar 8, 2018
- Messages
- 29
- Purraise
- 81
I'm right there with you, my ex is doing the same thing. Blaming me for everything, completely bass-ackwards logic, basically implying that I'm an idiot for not seeing it sooner when she was blowing kisses at me and saying she loved me literally minutes before the breakup. Screw people like that. Honestly. I refuse to believe that I wasted any time with her, because like I said, I learned a lot about myself and grew a lot in those 2 years, I still have all that. What I did waste was the last 3 months hoping that she would realize that she'd made a dumb knee-jerk decision and was now making excuses to justify it, hoping that she'd come back, or at least stop spitting venom at me. I asked her for closure, and what I got was more blame, more venom, more anger and more excuses. No responsibility taken for her mistakes, just excuses. I realized that that is, in its own way, closure. I'm also a person, and I deserve what makes me happy. That was her, it's not any more. I'm no fool, even if she suddenly had an epiphany and came back, it would never be the same and it would fail again. I wrote her a reply wherein I corrected her assumptions about what I'm doing with my life now (all my bills are paid and I've got $2000 in the bank, I have everything I need), pointed out that all I wanted was for us to both be able to put this behind us, forgive each other, and move on. I wished her the best, told her that I will always love her and that if she ever decides she wants to talk to me, she knows how to reach me. Then I blocked her on facebook and moved the conversation thread to the archive so I wouldn't have to see it any more. I sat out in my garage in front of the heater and talked to the kitties as though they were people. I told them how I don't need that in my life, I'm doing things now that make me happy, without having to ask permission. When I make mistakes, I can reprimand myself without beating myself up, and go and try again. I talked and talked to them, and they looked at me like "ok, now shut up and pet me" lol. But truly, getting to that point and saying it out loud helped. I wish I could say it's all better, that I don't hurt at all now, but it's not that black and white. At this point I'm content, even happy with how things turned out. I didn't need that stress that never went away while we were together, there was always something one of us was doing wrong, always some argument, walking away, slamming doors, attitude, yelling. Not good. I don't need that, and I don't have that now. Now, I can focus on me, and when I'm ready, the right person will find their way into my life. For now, I have Prim and Graycie to keep my company, snuggle me, talk to me and force me to realize that there are things worth getting up and going to work for. These cats would die without me, and I'd be in pretty rough shape without them. You don't have nobody, you have yourself, and to yourself you can be everyone you need.H HaLo2FrEeEk thank you so much, your message is helping . I laid here with Gracie now. I think what really hurts is the realisation he has been using me for 6 years , he never really loved me; just the security I gave him - money for rent , bills, and of course his drugs . I’ve let myself be used all this time . He’s 10 years younger than me and goodlooking - he actually messaged me the other day and said: ‘I could have someone young and beautiful but I loved you’. Cheers mate !!! I lost a baby and a family and my mind over the last 6 years . I had to flee my home and now have to pick up all my stuff and put in storage until I find somewhere ! The irony is he’s stilll blaming me ! Saying I cheated on him and I’m a you know what !