Venting....

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terestrife

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"... Like you said, i will just have to tell her "no" when i cant handle it anymore." Of course you will do as you see fit! But personally, I wouldn't wait on that at all. You're already doing and taking on more than your share and if you let people take an inch, they'll take it all. Sometimes I just have to have an honest talk with people like that and be nice, but firm. Fortunately, it does tend to work out really well. Sometimes people just need to understand limits to respect us. We're human, too! And we have needs and wants.
If the house is theirs and not owned by you in any percentage, then it should definitely be on your family members to deal with the association. Legally, it would be on them anyway.
The problem is my sister lives in a fantasy world. My mom used to call her alice in wonderland. I've explained to her my situation with money and nothing has changed. Last time the water bill came a month ago, she told me to pay the association instead of that. Its been a month and the water bill came in at $400+ which means she didnt deal with it. Shes making all these promises that her husband is going to help us, and i dont see him actually helping.

I really wish i could move in with a family member that doesnt mind cats, just so i can get on my feet once and for all. But unfortunately thats not possible,. I had to stop paying the cards i had, to help with the house, and also to deal with my medical bills. I keep getting calls from creditors and i know thats not going to go away. I've read up on it and know it can get to the point that im sued. All the extra money i have goes to utilities, or to save for medical stuff.

I know everyone is struggling financially right now in general. Just feeling overwhelmed.
 

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The problem is my sister lives in a fantasy world. My mom used to call her alice in wonderland. I've explained to her my situation with money and nothing has changed. Last time the water bill came a month ago, she told me to pay the association instead of that. Its been a month and the water bill came in at $400+ which means she didnt deal with it. Shes making all these promises that her husband is going to help us, and i dont see him actually helping.

I really wish i could move in with a family member that doesnt mind cats, just so i can get on my feet once and for all. But unfortunately thats not possible,. I had to stop paying the cards i had, to help with the house, and also to deal with my medical bills. I keep getting calls from creditors and i know thats not going to go away. I've read up on it and know it can get to the point that im sued. All the extra money i have goes to utilities, or to save for medical stuff.

I know everyone is struggling financially right now in general. Just feeling overwhelmed.
But the house is NOT in your name, is it? And the utility bills are NOT in your name, are they? If someone is to be sued, it needs to be the legal owners and the legal account holders, not their relative!
People used to call me "Pollyanna" which was a fictitious character known for always trying to find/see the good in anything/anyone. I daydreamed a lot and lived in my own fantasy world to a great extent, dreaming about things I wanted to be a different way than they were. Over time, because I HAD to take on different responsibilities, I DID take them on and I grew up. Of course I'm still learning and growing, because that's what we are supposed to do all our lives. I'm sorry, but your relatives need to do this, too. They can't just dump everything off on you. Maybe it's time to have a serious group talk and lay out the financial facts of your life to them. You just can't keep footing the bill for them. I can see paying your share of the utilities, like my roomies and I do. But as the legal owner of this house and the sole signatory for the utilities, it's MY responsibility to see that these bills are paid. We talked among the three of us and agreed to this setup, which is in writing as a legally binding agreement between roommates, downloaded from the internet and signed by each of us. Whether people are related or not, if they are adults sharing a living situation, each needs to be responsible for his or her part.
 
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But the house is NOT in your name, is it? And the utility bills are NOT in your name, are they? If someone is to be sued, it needs to be the legal owners and the legal account holders, not their relative!
People used to call me "Pollyanna" which was a fictitious character known for always trying to find/see the good in anything/anyone. I daydreamed a lot and lived in my own fantasy world to a great extent, dreaming about things I wanted to be a different way than they were. Over time, because I HAD to take on different responsibilities, I DID take them on and I grew up. Of course I'm still learning and growing, because that's what we are supposed to do all our lives. I'm sorry, but your relatives need to do this, too. They can't just dump everything off on you. Maybe it's time to have a serious group talk and lay out the financial facts of your life to them. You just can't keep footing the bill for them. I can see paying your share of the utilities, like my roomies and I do. But as the legal owner of this house and the sole signatory for the utilities, it's MY responsibility to see that these bills are paid. We talked among the three of us and agreed to this setup, which is in writing as a legally binding agreement between roommates, downloaded from the internet and signed by each of us. Whether people are related or not, if they are adults sharing a living situation, each needs to be responsible for his or her part.
I'm a day dreamer too, nothing wrong with that. But my sister lives in the clouds and thinks that problems will be magically fixed by praying about it. I pray too, but i seek to fix my own issues. She stays home while we struggle, and stays home when her husband was on strike (last year). Instead of going out to work to help in her household.

My niece was telling me that supposedly my sisters husband is working less hours, so my sister says that he wont be able to help if any issues come up with the house. Hes struggling, but they're redoing the flooring in their house, and hes planning to paint this house when they come to visit. We are in foreclosure and have a lien on the house, but all they care about when they come down is to redo the garden, and fix up the house we are losing.

I am worried, but not trying to stress. if we lose the house, which i hope we dont, i hope my brother is willing to keep his promise to my mom and lets me move back in with him. If anything i can just keep the cats locked up in my bedroom. Its not what i want, as you well know, but im not going to kill myself to save this house, while my sister sits at home not helping anyone, even her husband.

Since i dont know when my oldest brother would have a place for me in his new home, the only option is to go back to my childhood home. Its not what i want to do, but dont know what else i can do.
 

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I'm a day dreamer too, nothing wrong with that. But my sister lives in the clouds and thinks that problems will be magically fixed by praying about it. I pray too, but i seek to fix my own issues. She stays home while we struggle, and stays home when her husband was on strike (last year). Instead of going out to work to help in her household.

My niece was telling me that supposedly my sisters husband is working less hours, so my sister says that he wont be able to help if any issues come up with the house. Hes struggling, but they're redoing the flooring in their house, and hes planning to paint this house when they come to visit. We are in foreclosure and have a lien on the house, but all they care about when they come down is to redo the garden, and fix up the house we are losing.

I am worried, but not trying to stress. if we lose the house, which i hope we dont, i hope my brother is willing to keep his promise to my mom and lets me move back in with him. If anything i can just keep the cats locked up in my bedroom. Its not what i want, as you well know, but im not going to kill myself to save this house, while my sister sits at home not helping anyone, even her husband.

Since i dont know when my oldest brother would have a place for me in his new home, the only option is to go back to my childhood home. Its not what i want to do, but dont know what else i can do.
If the house is not legally in your name, and you are not an account holder on the utilities, you do NOT have to be the "magic fix" in these situations, and you can't be. Again, I would really recommend having a meeting with your sister and brother-in-law and laying it all out for them. Just the facts, no emotions. THEY need to be the ones paying for these things. Of course you should pay your part of the utilities and something for rent if that's the agreement, but not the whole thing, and it should be in writing.
 
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If the house is not legally in your name, and you are not an account holder on the utilities, you do NOT have to be the "magic fix" in these situations, and you can't be. Again, I would really recommend having a meeting with your sister and brother-in-law and laying it all out for them. Just the facts, no emotions. THEY need to be the ones paying for these things. Of course you should pay your part of the utilities and something for rent if that's the agreement, but not the whole thing, and it should be in writing.
I will try speaking to her when she comes down. She knows i dont make much, and that i am struggling with own stuff, especially with my health expenses. So we'll see what happens.

Sorry i havent responded. Havent been feeling so great mentally. Started feeling panicky yesterday. Dont know if its cause im trying to lose weight. But suddenly felt tired and just wanted this constant hungry feeling to go away. The medication i am on is meant to cause hunger and weight gain. I get this awful empty feeling in my stomach all day and its almost painful. I'm trying to ignore it, but it gets to me sometimes

Yesterday i felt like i had to focus on my breathing because i felt my mood diving. My niece watches i love lucy all day long and just seeing that on the TV made me feel so enraged that i had to take deep breaths to calm down. I had never had that happened to me, i was just standing there focusing on my breathing because i felt myself breaking down. And i dont even know why. You know my mental state isnt so great, no sure if its the hormones i am on, but it gets hard sometimes.

My niece got annoyed today because i was telling her son not to put his dirty hands in the ice (i said it nicely lol), and she starts up whining about finding cat hair in the fridge. I am so freaking sick of hearing complaints about people finding cat hair, or litter on the floor. Or that the cats get up on furniture. I clean up after them everyday, and they still complain. And yet im supposed to be understanding that her spoiled child annoys my cats.

My niece has to be one of the most ignorant people i have ever met. Remember when i said she doesnt like people telling her what to do? Her son grabbed a knife the other day and i took it from him. A huge knife, he could have seriously hurt himself. I told her repeatedly not to leave knives out. Guess what? Still leaving knives on the counter that he can grab. Shes whining because i dont want her sons dirty hands in the ice tray. But doesnt take the time to keep her own son safe. Parents are so entitled sometimes, and dont focus on what matters.

I'm going to buy some headphones and just listen to music when i am downstairs, i need to let her deal with her own problems so i dont stress.
 

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I will try speaking to her when she comes down. She knows i dont make much, and that i am struggling with own stuff, especially with my health expenses. So we'll see what happens.

Sorry i havent responded. Havent been feeling so great mentally. Started feeling panicky yesterday. Dont know if its cause im trying to lose weight. But suddenly felt tired and just wanted this constant hungry feeling to go away. The medication i am on is meant to cause hunger and weight gain. I get this awful empty feeling in my stomach all day and its almost painful. I'm trying to ignore it, but it gets to me sometimes

Yesterday i felt like i had to focus on my breathing because i felt my mood diving. My niece watches i love lucy all day long and just seeing that on the TV made me feel so enraged that i had to take deep breaths to calm down. I had never had that happened to me, i was just standing there focusing on my breathing because i felt myself breaking down. And i dont even know why. You know my mental state isnt so great, no sure if its the hormones i am on, but it gets hard sometimes.

My niece got annoyed today because i was telling her son not to put his dirty hands in the ice (i said it nicely lol), and she starts up whining about finding cat hair in the fridge. I am so freaking sick of hearing complaints about people finding cat hair, or litter on the floor. Or that the cats get up on furniture. I clean up after them everyday, and they still complain. And yet im supposed to be understanding that her spoiled child annoys my cats.

My niece has to be one of the most ignorant people i have ever met. Remember when i said she doesnt like people telling her what to do? Her son grabbed a knife the other day and i took it from him. A huge knife, he could have seriously hurt himself. I told her repeatedly not to leave knives out. Guess what? Still leaving knives on the counter that he can grab. Shes whining because i dont want her sons dirty hands in the ice tray. But doesnt take the time to keep her own son safe. Parents are so entitled sometimes, and dont focus on what matters.

I'm going to buy some headphones and just listen to music when i am downstairs, i need to let her deal with her own problems so i dont stress.
...well, even more importantly, he could hurt someone else with the knives. So that absolutely MUST change.
A lot of experts say that feeling hungry can actually be caused by being dehydrated. And drinking water sure can't hurt. If you don't "like" plain water, coffee, tea, or flavored water will do just as well.
I do hope you feel better soon. It's very understandable that you're stressed and feeling it. I'd be going ballistic if I had to deal with what you're dealing with. Remember though, *This, too, shall pass.*
 

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Have you tried eating lots of rice? That is supposed to be low calorie yet filling, maybe it would help with you feeling hungry all the time.

The problem is my sister lives in a fantasy world. My mom used to call her alice in wonderland. I've explained to her my situation with money and nothing has changed. Last time the water bill came a month ago, she told me to pay the association instead of that. Its been a month and the water bill came in at $400+ which means she didnt deal with it. Shes making all these promises that her husband is going to help us, and i dont see him actually helping.

I really wish i could move in with a family member that doesnt mind cats, just so i can get on my feet once and for all. But unfortunately thats not possible,. I had to stop paying the cards i had, to help with the house, and also to deal with my medical bills. I keep getting calls from creditors and i know thats not going to go away. I've read up on it and know it can get to the point that im sued. All the extra money i have goes to utilities, or to save for medical stuff.

I know everyone is struggling financially right now in general. Just feeling overwhelmed.
Isn't your debt because of those same credit cards that you used to help her out? What you should be doing is telling her that you can't afford to spend any more of your money bailing her out and need to work on paying off your own debt that is due to her. Your sister needs to extract her cranium from where it is apparently lodged deep in her colon and start pulling her own weight with her own house.

Sorry if I sound more confrontational than usual, but I just can't stand seeing people dealing with someone else's crap when they have their own stuff to deal with. I watched it with my own parents while my sister and her deadbeat boyfriend strung them along for over 5 years saying how they needed help with money and such and if they didn't get it they'd have to move somewhere else and "take the kids with them". That especially pissed me off because it was obvious they were manipulating my mom and dad by threatening to take the grandkids away. This was while they were living rent free in what was supposed to have been a house my parents bought to move into and enjoy their golden years, and they completely ruined the brand new carpeting upstairs by letting their incontinent dog have the run of the house and piss all over the carpet. It should have been renovated and them moved in back in 2012, but here we are now 8 years later and it's still not done because lack of money. They managed to suck over $160,000 out of my parents before I got sick of it and ripped them a new one so wide they could park their car in it, after that they finally left. My mom wasn't happy because she'd asked me many times not to confront them and cause my sister "more stress", but I'd had enough. The master bathroom was gutted about 6 years ago but never finished because of them, and it's only just now finally being worked on.
 

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Have you tried eating lots of rice? That is supposed to be low calorie yet filling, maybe it would help with you feeling hungry all the time.



Isn't your debt because of those same credit cards that you used to help her out? What you should be doing is telling her that you can't afford to spend any more of your money bailing her out and need to work on paying off your own debt that is due to her. Your sister needs to extract her cranium from where it is apparently lodged deep in her colon and start pulling her own weight with her own house.

Sorry if I sound more confrontational than usual, but I just can't stand seeing people dealing with someone else's crap when they have their own stuff to deal with. I watched it with my own parents while my sister and her deadbeat boyfriend strung them along for over 5 years saying how they needed help with money and such and if they didn't get it they'd have to move somewhere else and "take the kids with them". That especially pissed me off because it was obvious they were manipulating my mom and dad by threatening to take the grandkids away. This was while they were living rent free in what was supposed to have been a house my parents bought to move into and enjoy their golden years, and they completely ruined the brand new carpeting upstairs by letting their incontinent dog have the run of the house and piss all over the carpet. It should have been renovated and them moved in back in 2012, but here we are now 8 years later and it's still not done because lack of money. They managed to suck over $160,000 out of my parents before I got sick of it and ripped them a new one so wide they could park their car in it, after that they finally left. My mom wasn't happy because she'd asked me many times not to confront them and cause my sister "more stress", but I'd had enough. The master bathroom was gutted about 6 years ago but never finished because of them, and it's only just now finally being worked on.
*GOOD ON YOU, Talien Talien !!!* And you're absolutely right. Relatives or not, people shouldn't be allowed to do this to others.
 
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...well, even more importantly, he could hurt someone else with the knives. So that absolutely MUST change.
A lot of experts say that feeling hungry can actually be caused by being dehydrated. And drinking water sure can't hurt. If you don't "like" plain water, coffee, tea, or flavored water will do just as well.
I do hope you feel better soon. It's very understandable that you're stressed and feeling it. I'd be going ballistic if I had to deal with what you're dealing with. Remember though, *This, too, shall pass.*
I know, i agree. I warned her repeatedly and she even saw him with the knife. I will move back any knives i see. But shes so stupid she wont listen to other people. Even when it comes to her childs safety. I had just reminded her this morning because i saw a knife on the counter.

I have water right next to me all day and drink as often as i can. I will try drinking more to see if that will help. I've started getting to the point that i have to stand still and breathe deeply because the hunger feels painful. I had to run down today and have a banana just to calm myself. I have lost weight before, never experience anything like this.:disappointed:


Have you tried eating lots of rice? That is supposed to be low calorie yet filling, maybe it would help with you feeling hungry all the time.



Isn't your debt because of those same credit cards that you used to help her out? What you should be doing is telling her that you can't afford to spend any more of your money bailing her out and need to work on paying off your own debt that is due to her. Your sister needs to extract her cranium from where it is apparently lodged deep in her colon and start pulling her own weight with her own house.

Sorry if I sound more confrontational than usual, but I just can't stand seeing people dealing with someone else's crap when they have their own stuff to deal with. I watched it with my own parents while my sister and her deadbeat boyfriend strung them along for over 5 years saying how they needed help with money and such and if they didn't get it they'd have to move somewhere else and "take the kids with them". That especially pissed me off because it was obvious they were manipulating my mom and dad by threatening to take the grandkids away. This was while they were living rent free in what was supposed to have been a house my parents bought to move into and enjoy their golden years, and they completely ruined the brand new carpeting upstairs by letting their incontinent dog have the run of the house and piss all over the carpet. It should have been renovated and them moved in back in 2012, but here we are now 8 years later and it's still not done because lack of money. They managed to suck over $160,000 out of my parents before I got sick of it and ripped them a new one so wide they could park their car in it, after that they finally left. My mom wasn't happy because she'd asked me many times not to confront them and cause my sister "more stress", but I'd had enough. The master bathroom was gutted about 6 years ago but never finished because of them, and it's only just now finally being worked on.
Yes, part of my debt is her fault. And she tells me from time to time that she will pay it once shes working. I know my sister. She can be nice, but if i start pushing her to pay me back. She'll simply throw a tantrum and say that saving the house is the most important thing, because otherwise we have nowhere to go. Shes already mentioned before that she would rent the house and we would have to move. She fluctuates from saying that they'll help us, or that they cant help us. My sister makes a lot of promises, but isnt a woman of her word. Shes borrowed thousands from her church that shes never bothered to pay back. People fall for her kind/christian act and want to help her. But she thinks only of herself, first and foremost.

I dont blame you for being upset, i am too. Right now this is the only place i have to live at, and unfortunately its cheaper than anywhere else i could be. Miami housing is insanely expensive, and my health expenses arent cheap either.

I'm sorry about what happened to your parents. Many parents are afraid to lose their kids/grandkids so they put up with bad behavior and that just enables their children. The fact that they took so much money from your mom is just disgusting. Our parents do so much for us, we should be protecting them and not taking advantage. I hope your sister isnt using her kids as a tool to cause harm, and keeping them away from their grandparents. I hate when kids are used like that.


----

today i was brushing my cats teeth as i always do. I turn around to find my nephew grabbed the toothbrush i used on one my cats and he was brushing his own teeth. :fireblob::frustrated:Hopefully it doesnt do anything to him. Its frustrating that she just lets him wander and grabbing anything and everything and doesn't watch him. Usually i brush their teeth when he isnt around, but my niece was glued to the kitchen all day today.

---

https://www.mdc.edu/procedures/Chapter2/2831.pdf
I was reading up on looking for new opportunities at my job. I think i found out that i might only be able to get another job, and only be offered a 10% pay increase. So i can only go up to a specific pay grade.

Not sure what to do. I need money just incase i end up having to live alone. I didnt want to have to switch again to another company. My last job i was there a year and a half (worked with the state of florida) and now i work with miami dade college (im august it will be a year). Not sure if i should look somewhere else for better pay.:(
 

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I can understand not wanting to leave too soon. A 10% increase is better than nothing and might help while you look for something else. It wouldn't hurt to keep your eyes open.
 

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I know, i agree. I warned her repeatedly and she even saw him with the knife. I will move back any knives i see. But shes so stupid she wont listen to other people. Even when it comes to her childs safety. I had just reminded her this morning because i saw a knife on the counter.

I have water right next to me all day and drink as often as i can. I will try drinking more to see if that will help. I've started getting to the point that i have to stand still and breathe deeply because the hunger feels painful. I had to run down today and have a banana just to calm myself. I have lost weight before, never experience anything like this.:disappointed:




Yes, part of my debt is her fault. And she tells me from time to time that she will pay it once shes working. I know my sister. She can be nice, but if i start pushing her to pay me back. She'll simply throw a tantrum and say that saving the house is the most important thing, because otherwise we have nowhere to go. Shes already mentioned before that she would rent the house and we would have to move. She fluctuates from saying that they'll help us, or that they cant help us. My sister makes a lot of promises, but isnt a woman of her word. Shes borrowed thousands from her church that shes never bothered to pay back. People fall for her kind/christian act and want to help her. But she thinks only of herself, first and foremost.

I dont blame you for being upset, i am too. Right now this is the only place i have to live at, and unfortunately its cheaper than anywhere else i could be. Miami housing is insanely expensive, and my health expenses arent cheap either.

I'm sorry about what happened to your parents. Many parents are afraid to lose their kids/grandkids so they put up with bad behavior and that just enables their children. The fact that they took so much money from your mom is just disgusting. Our parents do so much for us, we should be protecting them and not taking advantage. I hope your sister isnt using her kids as a tool to cause harm, and keeping them away from their grandparents. I hate when kids are used like that.


----

today i was brushing my cats teeth as i always do. I turn around to find my nephew grabbed the toothbrush i used on one my cats and he was brushing his own teeth. :fireblob::frustrated:Hopefully it doesnt do anything to him. Its frustrating that she just lets him wander and grabbing anything and everything and doesn't watch him. Usually i brush their teeth when he isnt around, but my niece was glued to the kitchen all day today.

---

https://www.mdc.edu/procedures/Chapter2/2831.pdf
I was reading up on looking for new opportunities at my job. I think i found out that i might only be able to get another job, and only be offered a 10% pay increase. So i can only go up to a specific pay grade.

Not sure what to do. I need money just incase i end up having to live alone. I didnt want to have to switch again to another company. My last job i was there a year and a half (worked with the state of florida) and now i work with miami dade college (im august it will be a year). Not sure if i should look somewhere else for better pay.:(
That's a choice you know best how to make, but if you have security where you are, that's something to consider.
As far as the toothbrush, I'd be much more concerned about your cats than your nephew, as people can give the virus to cats but not the other way around. Hopefully no one there has it. I guess you just have to put the brush away when it's not in your hands. Your nephew seems like he's right in everything all the time. The same with knives, too. I cringe every time I see those knife blocks in people's kitchens, or those panel things where people stick the knives on the walls. All of my utensils are in drawers. And I've been very careful to let my roomie know that she needs to clean up immediately after eating and put everything away right away. It's the only way it can work here, with three people and three cats. I'd be very upset if I ever saw any cutlery on the table or cupboards. That would not work here. We do have to time things, too, to make sure that we don't conflict with each other. Today she asked me if they could eat at 5 instead of 6:30-7. I start my prep around 6 and I eat quickly and clean up quickly. They usually like to take an hour or more to eat, so I go before them. But we'll try it this other way and see how it works. I thought if I went before them, it would give them the relaxing time they seem to want. But if they want to change, I'll certainly be flexible, as long as I can stay on my time.
 
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I can understand not wanting to leave too soon. A 10% increase is better than nothing and might help while you look for something else. It wouldn't hurt to keep your eyes open.
I know, and we also automatically get a 2-3% raise every year. Its a good job, and i am happy with the campus. Its just not enough to live on my own. So, i'll be looking around, just to see whats out there. :heartshape: Since i dont know when my brother will be able to let me move in. I might look into jobs that are further up in florida. Maybe places that have inexpensive living. I just worry about being away from my cats vet that i really like. Plus my cats hate being in a car. Its always a mission when i need to go anywhere. So its going to be a mission to move anywhere far. Last time we went to the vet, i bought a carrier that spans my entire back seat, so both cats and a litter box fit. My poor cat kitty tried to use the box, but got poop all over herself. It was awful! They need their yearly check up and i am dreading it badly.

ce you know best how to make, but if you have security where you are, that's something to consider.
As far as the
Job security is definitely important, but so is moving out on my own. I will weigh out my options and look around before making any decisions.

I dont think any of my family has the virus, we have all been quarantined. I cleaned the brush with dawn soap so it should be okay. The baby rarely leaves the house and isnt exposed to strangers.

I think its great that you and your roommates are so flexible and get along so well. :vibes: You're very lucky. I wish my house ran the way that yours does. They still havent returned the trash can to the kitchen. They have a gross stinky large trash bag on the floor and on the counter. Makes me sick to my stomach. I bought a small trash can for me and put it in my cats little hideaway area lol.

My niece has been staying over this week. Its been nice having her around. It was her birthday yesterday. :clap2: So its been a nice week. The kitties are stressed because of their animals, but they mostly stay upstairs.
 

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I know, and we also automatically get a 2-3% raise every year. Its a good job, and i am happy with the campus. Its just not enough to live on my own. So, i'll be looking around, just to see whats out there. :heartshape: Since i dont know when my brother will be able to let me move in. I might look into jobs that are further up in florida. Maybe places that have inexpensive living. I just worry about being away from my cats vet that i really like. Plus my cats hate being in a car. Its always a mission when i need to go anywhere. So its going to be a mission to move anywhere far. Last time we went to the vet, i bought a carrier that spans my entire back seat, so both cats and a litter box fit. My poor cat kitty tried to use the box, but got poop all over herself. It was awful! They need their yearly check up and i am dreading it badly.



Job security is definitely important, but so is moving out on my own. I will weigh out my options and look around before making any decisions.

I dont think any of my family has the virus, we have all been quarantined. I cleaned the brush with dawn soap so it should be okay. The baby rarely leaves the house and isnt exposed to strangers.

I think its great that you and your roommates are so flexible and get along so well. :vibes: You're very lucky. I wish my house ran the way that yours does. They still havent returned the trash can to the kitchen. They have a gross stinky large trash bag on the floor and on the counter. Makes me sick to my stomach. I bought a small trash can for me and put it in my cats little hideaway area lol.

My niece has been staying over this week. Its been nice having her around. It was her birthday yesterday. :clap2: So its been a nice week. The kitties are stressed because of their animals, but they mostly stay upstairs.
Happy Birthday to your niece! Glad you are having a good time together. Makes some of the other stuff easier, doesn't it, at least for awhile?
Yes, my roomies are jewels. I love them dearly. And I am so lucky to have them in my life! I definitely feel that this was something brought about by my Beloved Creator just at the time when we all needed it to happen. Aside from an aunt and a cousin, they are the only people I know personally that I would want living with me. My aunt is staying in her own home, and my cousin and his wife in theirs, so this is just the best!
That's good that you are keeping your own areas clean. Yeah, that would make me sick, too. I used to live in a fourplex for awhile and my next door neighbors in the building did that. They'd just put a big trash bag on the floor and keep it there until it was full. Not my way of doing things! They were really young, though -- she was a teenager and he was probably early 20s -- so maybe by now they've gotten better at that. I hope so.
Many cats are stressed by car travel. Have you tried spraying Feliway in their carriers before they travel? It really works for us. And the spray or the diffusers might help your cats during these stressful times when there are visitors?
 
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Happy Birthday to your niece! Glad you are having a good time together. Makes some of the other stuff easier, doesn't it, at least for awhile?
Yes, my roomies are jewels. I love them dearly. And I am so lucky to have them in my life! I definitely feel that this was something brought about by my Beloved Creator just at the time when we all needed it to happen. Aside from an aunt and a cousin, they are the only people I know personally that I would want living with me. My aunt is staying in her own home, and my cousin and his wife in theirs, so this is just the best!
That's good that you are keeping your own areas clean. Yeah, that would make me sick, too. I used to live in a fourplex for awhile and my next door neighbors in the building did that. They'd just put a big trash bag on the floor and keep it there until it was full. Not my way of doing things! They were really young, though -- she was a teenager and he was probably early 20s -- so maybe by now they've gotten better at that. I hope so.
Many cats are stressed by car travel. Have you tried spraying Feliway in their carriers before they travel? It really works for us. And the spray or the diffusers might help your cats during these stressful times when there are visitors?
My niece is one of the few people that understands my insanity now that my mom is gone. She never gets upset when she sees me getting obsessive about silly things.

Its good and bad that shes here. Im stuck sharing my bathroom whenever anyone visits. I am very obsessive compulsive about a dirty bathroom. I almost had a freak out just now because someones dirty towel was laying on my hamper (last time they were here they would put dirty clothes on the counter). I like putting clothes i am going to wear on top of the hampers lid, so seeing something dirty on it really gets on my nerves.

Seeing how dirty her husband leaves the toilet, and the shower. He steps in there with dirty feet, and if you dont clean it right away the dirt is harder to remove. I see green booger like stuff in the shower along with pubic hairs. He is constantly in the bathroom. I dont have a gallbladder so that causes issues. Every time i step in that bathroom i have to clean the toilet and shower from pure disgust. In my old home i had my own bathroom that no one used. I know its something minimal. But its one of the things that can really get me frustrated fast. I am so obsessive about bathrooms that i avoided public bathrooms for years before i removed my gallbladder (which isnt good obviously lol).

My sister is coming in July so im stuck sharing my bathroom again. And worse, dealing with her nagging, and her husband that i dont like very much. I might complain that my visiting niece and her bf are messy. But i like her husband, and dont mind hanging out with him.

I've started noticing my nieces BF (the one i live with) isnt bothering washing his hands as soon as he is home. I have reminded him before to always wash his hands. I told my niece and she says shes tired of reminding him. I warned her that her son can get the virus touching the places her BF touches and she says she knows, but he isnt listening. :frustrated:

I know its nice to have companionship with people. But i pray to God, with all my heart and soul, that my next home is just mine alone and i dont need to deal with anyone except for my cats. I pray its a peaceful and safe place for my cats, and me. The only one i would ever want to live with, is if i ever do find a partner and get married. But he will have to understand what he is getting into before we move in together. lolol

By the way, i heard my sister and niece (the one i live with) talking about that they need to find jobs. :angrywoman: I love how they wait until things are falling apart in the house. My niece has a child so shes looking for work from home. I'm not sure if my sister has the capacity or the desire to hold down a job. My instincts tell me that she honestly doesnt want to work. But we'll see.

i tried a cat calm spray in their carriers and in the air of the car, and it didnt do much. I am looking around to see what i can buy since the 4th of july is coming up. They get very stressed on that day.
 

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My niece is one of the few people that understands my insanity now that my mom is gone. She never gets upset when she sees me getting obsessive about silly things.

Its good and bad that shes here. Im stuck sharing my bathroom whenever anyone visits. I am very obsessive compulsive about a dirty bathroom. I almost had a freak out just now because someones dirty towel was laying on my hamper (last time they were here they would put dirty clothes on the counter). I like putting clothes i am going to wear on top of the hampers lid, so seeing something dirty on it really gets on my nerves.

Seeing how dirty her husband leaves the toilet, and the shower. He steps in there with dirty feet, and if you dont clean it right away the dirt is harder to remove. I see green booger like stuff in the shower along with pubic hairs. He is constantly in the bathroom. I dont have a gallbladder so that causes issues. Every time i step in that bathroom i have to clean the toilet and shower from pure disgust. In my old home i had my own bathroom that no one used. I know its something minimal. But its one of the things that can really get me frustrated fast. I am so obsessive about bathrooms that i avoided public bathrooms for years before i removed my gallbladder (which isnt good obviously lol).

My sister is coming in July so im stuck sharing my bathroom again. And worse, dealing with her nagging, and her husband that i dont like very much. I might complain that my visiting niece and her bf are messy. But i like her husband, and dont mind hanging out with him.

I've started noticing my nieces BF (the one i live with) isnt bothering washing his hands as soon as he is home. I have reminded him before to always wash his hands. I told my niece and she says shes tired of reminding him. I warned her that her son can get the virus touching the places her BF touches and she says she knows, but he isnt listening. :frustrated:

I know its nice to have companionship with people. But i pray to God, with all my heart and soul, that my next home is just mine alone and i dont need to deal with anyone except for my cats. I pray its a peaceful and safe place for my cats, and me. The only one i would ever want to live with, is if i ever do find a partner and get married. But he will have to understand what he is getting into before we move in together. lolol

By the way, i heard my sister and niece (the one i live with) talking about that they need to find jobs. :angrywoman: I love how they wait until things are falling apart in the house. My niece has a child so shes looking for work from home. I'm not sure if my sister has the capacity or the desire to hold down a job. My instincts tell me that she honestly doesnt want to work. But we'll see.

i tried a cat calm spray in their carriers and in the air of the car, and it didnt do much. I am looking around to see what i can buy since the 4th of july is coming up. They get very stressed on that day.
I couldn't deal with that bathroom either!!! My roomies were lax about theirs in the beginning, and I had to talk with them (her, since she's the one who cleans) a couple of times about it. She does a pretty good job now. I have to use the shower in there to wash my hair, and I have to use a little cupboard space in there since my tiny bathroom has very little storage. And, I have two catboxes in there. So I do keep tabs on it. But she's cleaning it a lot better now. It just takes repetition, which I don't like but realize is necessary, with her. She is forgetful and so is he. So I just try to wait for a time when I feel very patient, and bring up the subject at what I think is an opportune time.
If you're not using Feliway, you may not have an effective product. I've never tried any other brands, but I know Feliway works for us, so that's what I get.
Yeah, I can certainly understand you wanting a vacation from living with other people -- I would too, in your place! Neither situation is ever perfect, but it can be a lot more peaceful (and clean!) to live without other people. I've never really lived with anyone who was dirty, but my second ex was pretty messy as far as having stuff everywhere and then bringing in more stuff. So I'm really glad not to have to live with that. My roomies let go of almost everything they owned! and they have quite a bit of space in my double garage, plus a public storage space, in addition to their room and space in another closet and cupboards around the house. They don't buy much to add to that, except food, which can make the space for food kind of tight at times, but I've cautioned her several times to keep in mind our limited shared refrigerator and cupboard space, and she does pretty well at that.
 
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I couldn't deal with that bathroom either!!! My roomies were lax about theirs in the beginning, and I had to talk with them (her, since she's the one who cleans) a couple of times about it. She does a pretty good job now. I have to use the shower in there to wash my hair, and I have to use a little cupboard space in there since my tiny bathroom has very little storage. And, I have two catboxes in there. So I do keep tabs on it. But she's cleaning it a lot better now. It just takes repetition, which I don't like but realize is necessary, with her. She is forgetful and so is he. So I just try to wait for a time when I feel very patient, and bring up the subject at what I think is an opportune time.
If you're not using Feliway, you may not have an effective product. I've never tried any other brands, but I know Feliway works for us, so that's what I get.
Yeah, I can certainly understand you wanting a vacation from living with other people -- I would too, in your place! Neither situation is ever perfect, but it can be a lot more peaceful (and clean!) to live without other people. I've never really lived with anyone who was dirty, but my second ex was pretty messy as far as having stuff everywhere and then bringing in more stuff. So I'm really glad not to have to live with that. My roomies let go of almost everything they owned! and they have quite a bit of space in my double garage, plus a public storage space, in addition to their room and space in another closet and cupboards around the house. They don't buy much to add to that, except food, which can make the space for food kind of tight at times, but I've cautioned her several times to keep in mind our limited shared refrigerator and cupboard space, and she does pretty well at that.
I will try buying feliway tomorrow. i will stop by petco in the morning. Not sure if it will make a difference once the very loud fireworks start. :( I dread this day all year. They both become terrified and hide in the bathroom shaking in fear.

I am just putting up with the bathroom issue, as my niece will only be here a couple of weeks. If they ever permanently move in then i would have to discuss cleaning the bathroom with them. They tend to listen to me thankfully. My obsessiveness can make me nitpick, so im trying to avoid making them feel uncomfortable here.

Too bad you cant renovate your bathroom so you could have more space. We redid some of the bathrooms in my last home. Its expensive though, so a luxury to do when you have a bit of extra money. Personally, having savings would be most important to me.
:clap2:


The month my niece was away the house was so clean. Theres now baby toys all over the floor downstairs. Apparently she needs all his junk downstairs. Theres food all over the floor, and dirty bags of trash. Im trying not to stress, and just focus on picking up after myself. I just find it hilarious that my niece is so disgusted by roaches, but then gets shocked when we get them. I have told her that the dirty bags and crumbs attract them, but she claims she cleans up every night (she doesnt).
 

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I will try buying feliway tomorrow. i will stop by petco in the morning. Not sure if it will make a difference once the very loud fireworks start. :( I dread this day all year. They both become terrified and hide in the bathroom shaking in fear.

I am just putting up with the bathroom issue, as my niece will only be here a couple of weeks. If they ever permanently move in then i would have to discuss cleaning the bathroom with them. They tend to listen to me thankfully. My obsessiveness can make me nitpick, so im trying to avoid making them feel uncomfortable here.

Too bad you cant renovate your bathroom so you could have more space. We redid some of the bathrooms in my last home. Its expensive though, so a luxury to do when you have a bit of extra money. Personally, having savings would be most important to me.
:clap2:


The month my niece was away the house was so clean. Theres now baby toys all over the floor downstairs. Apparently she needs all his junk downstairs. Theres food all over the floor, and dirty bags of trash. Im trying not to stress, and just focus on picking up after myself. I just find it hilarious that my niece is so disgusted by roaches, but then gets shocked when we get them. I have told her that the dirty bags and crumbs attract them, but she claims she cleans up every night (she doesnt).
Yeah, not only does trash attract bugs, but bugs can carry diseases. She may not care, but I expect you do. I can't even begin to deal with people who won't keep their environment clean! I've lived in apartments and they do tend to have roaches, because jamming a lot of people together makes than an occupational hazard. But in a private home, there's just no excuse for not putting in a little time each day to make your own life more pleasant, let alone others'! :sigh: I still have to get on my roomie from time to time about dropped food on the floor, but she's good about cleaning it up. She just doesn't see very well and if she doesn't wear her glasses, she misses it.
I have the radio on from the time I get up until I turn it off to turn on the TV in the evening. I like classical, so that's what I have, KUSC.org which is a public station, non-commercial. It also helps calm us all and create a barrier between us and outside noise. Or I can put my own CDs on if I want, or something on YouTube. I refuse to pay for music services when I have all those choices. Besides, I don't like rock, pop, rap, most hip-hop, etc. and most of the music I love is international. So anyway, making a sound barrier helps the cats. Another thing is to run a fan. It's cheap and it's nice in summer, anyway.
Oh, no, I could never afford any add-ons and I wouldn't anyway. The house is roomy and I don't mind the small bathroom. It took some getting used to, but I'm good with it now. I'm kind of like nature -- I abhor a vacuum :crackup:and I just tend to fill up whatever cupboard and closet space I have, because I plan for long-term. Now that I get to go to the store more often, I don't have to buy as much and I can let some supplies run down a bit, making more space eventually. I still have problems in the kitchen because "someone" keeps buying stuff and feeding me. She says she likes doing this. So who am I to argue with her? I don't want her to feel bad. :)
I'm obsessive, too, so I sent both of them an article about Asperger's because I wanted them to understand at least a little bit about why I am the way I am. I didn't want them to think I'm just always on them trying to give them a hard time. They do seem to get it, or at least they don't ever seem to be hurt of offended, which is good because that's the last thing I'd ever want!
 
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Yeah, not only does trash attract bugs, but bugs can carry diseases. She may not care, but I expect you do. I can't even begin to deal with people who won't keep their environment clean! I've lived in apartments and they do tend to have roaches, because jamming a lot of people together makes than an occupational hazard. But in a private home, there's just no excuse for not putting in a little time each day to make your own life more pleasant, let alone others'! :sigh: I still have to get on my roomie from time to time about dropped food on the floor, but she's good about cleaning it up. She just doesn't see very well and if she doesn't wear her glasses, she misses it.
I have the radio on from the time I get up until I turn it off to turn on the TV in the evening. I like classical, so that's what I have, KUSC.org which is a public station, non-commercial. It also helps calm us all and create a barrier between us and outside noise. Or I can put my own CDs on if I want, or something on YouTube. I refuse to pay for music services when I have all those choices. Besides, I don't like rock, pop, rap, most hip-hop, etc. and most of the music I love is international. So anyway, making a sound barrier helps the cats. Another thing is to run a fan. It's cheap and it's nice in summer, anyway.
Oh, no, I could never afford any add-ons and I wouldn't anyway. The house is roomy and I don't mind the small bathroom. It took some getting used to, but I'm good with it now. I'm kind of like nature -- I abhor a vacuum :crackup:and I just tend to fill up whatever cupboard and closet space I have, because I plan for long-term. Now that I get to go to the store more often, I don't have to buy as much and I can let some supplies run down a bit, making more space eventually. I still have problems in the kitchen because "someone" keeps buying stuff and feeding me. She says she likes doing this. So who am I to argue with her? I don't want her to feel bad. :)
I'm obsessive, too, so I sent both of them an article about Asperger's because I wanted them to understand at least a little bit about why I am the way I am. I didn't want them to think I'm just always on them trying to give them a hard time. They do seem to get it, or at least they don't ever seem to be hurt of offended, which is good because that's the last thing I'd ever want!
The roaches definitely bug me. But i have noticed that moms tend to make excuses and act so tired that they cant do simple things like clean up really quick. My sister in law is the same. She stopped combing her oldest daughters hair. Now my niece has a balled up knot on the back of her hair and hasnt had her hair washed in weeks. I have spent years giving advice to people and i have noticed, people just do not care, at all. Unless you are the home owner, your opinion doesnt count. Or if you are a parent, it seems they fight against any advice given out of principle. lol

i bought the feliway. it kind of freaked me out that it says its dangerous is swallowed and to not spray it near the cat. Kitty was near the area that i sprayed it, hopefully its not a bad thing. they didnt have the plug in, they just had a spray.

Is it a roommate that cooks/buys food for you? Thats really sweet whoever is doing that. Not many people are willing to help someone out like that. :heartshape:
 

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The roaches definitely bug me. But i have noticed that moms tend to make excuses and act so tired that they cant do simple things like clean up really quick. My sister in law is the same. She stopped combing her oldest daughters hair. Now my niece has a balled up knot on the back of her hair and hasnt had her hair washed in weeks. I have spent years giving advice to people and i have noticed, people just do not care, at all. Unless you are the home owner, your opinion doesnt count. Or if you are a parent, it seems they fight against any advice given out of principle. lol

i bought the feliway. it kind of freaked me out that it says its dangerous is swallowed and to not spray it near the cat. Kitty was near the area that i sprayed it, hopefully its not a bad thing. they didnt have the plug in, they just had a spray.

Is it a roommate that cooks/buys food for you? Thats really sweet whoever is doing that. Not many people are willing to help someone out like that. :heartshape:
OMG! Your SIL must be really backed into a corner (mostly of her own making, but it sounds as if she may be clinically depressed. I'm no authority or expert -- just observing from afar. She must feel really helpless. My second ex is like this -- he's just absolutely given up on almost everything, to the point that I had to cut ties with him after many, many years of trying to be one of his few remaining friends. Hey, if you don't care about yourself, you can't care about anyone else. Self-esteem is not selfishness -- it's caring for yourself and being personally responsible, which extends to caring about others. I feel for your SIL, because she's definitely got a lot on her plate. But I would not allow myself to get caught up in the morass of losses. SHE has to figure out how to get up out of them, on her own time, in her own way. I've been through bad times in my own life and it took some jolting to get me out. But now I AM out and I'm not going back!
The spray is what I use. Never had any problems with it, and had a lot of good from it.
No, we buy our own food and mainly cook ourselves (she cooks for him). Our diets are pretty different. But we do share some food from time to time. If she's interested in something I make, I offer to share; and vice versa, and sometimes she puts some of what she's made in a dish for me. We share fruit -- she loves the grapefruit from my tree, and since she's seen that I like to have a banana for lunch, she gets those for me quite a bit. It's pretty casual. They eat a lot of meat -- I rarely eat a little tuna or a little chicken or a tiny amount of shrimp that's in this one kit I get. They eat a lot of dairy -- I eat macaroni salad, potato salad, and a little bit of cheese. Most of my food has to have chiles in it! and not theirs.
*You WILL get out of this. Seriously.* :vibes::vibes::vibes::cheerleader::hangin:
 

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I think if you don't spray the feliway directly on the cats it's okay. I have the spray and I'll use it in carriera before trips, even though I'm not sure it helps. I think they just don't want it to get in the cat's eyes or anything.
 
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