Venting....

tarasgirl06

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It absolutely helped with my beloved cats whom I had to airlift to safety internationally! Sprayed the carriers inside with Feliway (we'd lined them with pure foam that my ex got at Walmart) and they did not make a peep on the 100-mile journey, part of it over unpaved rocky roads, to the airport. They seemed quite calm at check-in and arrived calm and safe at the other end. Our vet had advised against tranquilizing, so we didn't. It is all credited to Feliway.
 
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terestrife

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OMG! Your SIL must be really backed into a corner (mostly of her own making, but it sounds as if she may be clinically depressed. I'm no authority or expert -- just observing from afar. She must feel really helpless. My second ex is like this -- he's just absolutely given up on almost everything, to the point that I had to cut ties with him after many, many years of trying to be one of his few remaining friends. Hey, if you don't care about yourself, you can't care about anyone else. Self-esteem is not selfishness -- it's caring for yourself and being personally responsible, which extends to caring about others. I feel for your SIL, because she's definitely got a lot on her plate. But I would not allow myself to get caught up in the morass of losses. SHE has to figure out how to get up out of them, on her own time, in her own way. I've been through bad times in my own life and it took some jolting to get me out. But now I AM out and I'm not going back!
The spray is what I use. Never had any problems with it, and had a lot of good from it.
No, we buy our own food and mainly cook ourselves (she cooks for him). Our diets are pretty different. But we do share some food from time to time. If she's interested in something I make, I offer to share; and vice versa, and sometimes she puts some of what she's made in a dish for me. We share fruit -- she loves the grapefruit from my tree, and since she's seen that I like to have a banana for lunch, she gets those for me quite a bit. It's pretty casual. They eat a lot of meat -- I rarely eat a little tuna or a little chicken or a tiny amount of shrimp that's in this one kit I get. They eat a lot of dairy -- I eat macaroni salad, potato salad, and a little bit of cheese. Most of my food has to have chiles in it! and not theirs.
*You WILL get out of this. Seriously.* :vibes::vibes::vibes::cheerleader::hangin:
My SIL got used to having help. I raised her daughter because i was home during that time. She got a job and i would be home with my niece. My mom and i raised her first child. Then after my mom passed, SIL had a son (2 yo), and a few months back another baby girl. Im not sure how shes overwhelmed. The new baby girl literally stays quietly in her crib for hours, her son usually watches tv in the living room and her oldest is on her computer all day (shes 9 years old). She loves her kids, but has never liked doing motherly/wife/ house chores. I go there every other weekend, and she has the time to comb her daughters hair, but makes excuses. Recently she even had time to empty out the kitchen for my brother to redo the cabinets.

I dont think shes clinically depressed. She has never been overly emotional and has been known to scoff at people that show too much emotion. Shes really only loving towards her kids, and that only happened after many years of being a mom. She also has a lot of help. My brother works from home, and cooks for himself. He also helps her with their kids, and i help when i go over there every other weekend.

I could be wrong. Regardless, if shes going through something mentally, she has many people she can ask to help with her kids. She knows all she needs to do is ask and i would have helped with my nieces hair. I have spent years helping after all. But i agree, like you, i have been through some really down times and i had to be the one to break free from those dark moments. I try not to stress about what people are doing with their lives, but it gets to me sometimes.

Your roommate sounds like a very kind woman. Not many people have good manners anymore, it says a lot about her that she thinks of you, and is giving like that. Its nice that you two have a give and take relationship like that.


I think if you don't spray the feliway directly on the cats it's okay. I have the spray and I'll use it in carriera before trips, even though I'm not sure it helps. I think they just don't want it to get in the cat's eyes or anything.
Thankfully my cats havent reacted negatively to it. I am not sure if it worked, but they didnt freak out too badly during the fireworks.

It absolutely helped with my beloved cats whom I had to airlift to safety internationally! Sprayed the carriers inside with Feliway (we'd lined them with pure foam that my ex got at Walmart) and they did not make a peep on the 100-mile journey, part of it over unpaved rocky roads, to the airport. They seemed quite calm at check-in and arrived calm and safe at the other end. Our vet had advised against tranquilizing, so we didn't. It is all credited to Feliway.
Thats a fear of mine. If i ever move the thought of my cats being in an airplane is terrifying to me. lol Kitty once became hysterical when i had to leave her at the vet so they could get a urine sample. They had to give her a sedative. Shes my more anxious cat.

i dont know if the feliway worked, or if my cats were calmer because i stayed with them until the fireworks stopped. But the fireworks also werent as intense this year. lol Its 1:30 AM and finally going to sleep.

I sprayed the feliway a few times as directed. For a couple of hours kitty hid in the pantry, but she kept coming out as if she wasnt completely terrified. She eventually came out and sat next to me. Last year she hid in the bathroom in blind terror and didnt come out until it was quiet for a few hours. When shes in blind terror even treats wont bring her out.

So i think it might have worked. I will keep using it just in case. I do think it helped Elsa. She literally slept through the entire show, and then woke up to eat. Never seen her so calm. Shes my street cat that doesnt like people in general.
 

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Thankfully my cats havent reacted negatively to it. I am not sure if it worked, but they didnt freak out too badly during the fireworks
That's awesome! I did it in carriers before a road trip (we went to my in-laws for a long weekend and decided to take the cats along) and Sparkle still meowed the whole time and got Lelia to do it too, even though she'd always been quiet in the car before. So I wasn't sure if it helped a lot, but knew it wouldn't hurt. Glad it made the fireworks go more smoothly in your house this year!
 
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terestrife

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That's awesome! I did it in carriers before a road trip (we went to my in-laws for a long weekend and decided to take the cats along) and Sparkle still meowed the whole time and got Lelia to do it too, even though she'd always been quiet in the car before. So I wasn't sure if it helped a lot, but knew it wouldn't hurt. Glad it made the fireworks go more smoothly in your house this year!
ill have to try it during vet visits. Kitty becomes so terrified she pants the whole way and meows. I dread putting her in the car.
 
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terestrife

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Note: This week i've just been in such a bad mood and not wanting to even talk to anyone, even the cats get on my nerves. :hmmm: My poor kitties. lol I get these weird mood swings from time to time. Been stressing out as i have one more month until my next biopsy. Just saying that in case i sound upset in this post. I realize that my post sounds negative towards my nephew. i love him very much, and i blame his mom for his issues. Hes a sweet little boy that loves giving people hugs. I just feel frustrated.


- - - -


Can someone explain to me why parents are so entitled? My nieces bratty son was smacking me with a cooking spoon (sterling silver so its not soft) and she calls me a sissy because i tell him no and took it away from him. She makes excuses that hes just a baby. We got into a disagreement because i told her he needs to learn now rather than later to LISTEN. He is about to be 2 years old. I've had to deal with unruly nieces and nephews and changing that behavior later is not easy.

The cats stay away from him thankfully, but they want to be with me when i am downstairs. So he tries to chase her too with the spoon. I told her that he could harm her with that. I got upset told her i realize she doesnt care if the cats are hurt, and she acts like she does. But with the way she treats her dog, i know she doesnt care. I feel like i cant even be downstairs anymore. I know the cats hide from them throughout the day, but i worry constantly about them. I worry they will approach him when i am not there.

She does stop him when he bothers the cats, but its not enough. She needs to teach him to listen. Everyone here knows how much i love kids, and i love my nephew. But shes turned him into such a bratty child that doesnt listen. Im sick of his constant crying, and sick of her babying him. She yells at him, but then comforts him a few minutes later to get him to stop crying. She needs to ignore his crying, and teach him a lesson. Sorry, i am just frustrated. I could never take parents that baby their kids.

I was going to write about issues that cropped up with her dog, but dont want to get myself even more angry.
 

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I am one that thinks that forcing children to hide their emotions, or to only express their emotions in ways that are convenient for the adults, is harmful. We all have emotional scars from that kind of thing. Maybe it would be helpful to think that maybe he won't grow up with those scars?

Of course that doesn't mean you should let him hurt you; that does no favors to his adult self either. "No, I can't let you hurt me (or cats or other people, etc.), hurting people (or cats) is wrong. This is how we touch people (or cats) nicely". Of course this only works if you do not hurt HIM, otherwise that's extremely confusing to the child (I spent most of my young childhood thinking my mother wanted me dead, because she said that if you hit someone that means you want to kill them, and then she hit me :/).
 
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Lari

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I wondered how you had been doing! I can't blame you for getting nervous with your upcoming biopsy, and I hope you get good news. :vibes:

I agree your niece is not doing your nephew any favors by not working on having him listen. I've dealt with issues like that as a teacher - I've expressed concern over delays in speech or academics or emotional growth to be yelled at that the student was just a baby/only 3 or 4. And then in the second year of preschool when kindergarten is looming, they start freaking out about their child not being where they should be and I want to shake them for losing that year where they could have been working on things, or getting speech, and everything's now tougher because the child is older and bigger and more set in their ways.

That said, I don't think comforting crying is a bad thing as long as they're not giving in. If he's crying because he was told he couldn't have a spoon, or a cookie before dinner, acknowledging he's upset and frustrated and giving him a hug is fine. Giving him the spoon or cookie or whatever he was crying about to get him to stop isn't. We all need our feelings validated, whether we're two or mid thirties.
 

tarasgirl06

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Note: This week i've just been in such a bad mood and not wanting to even talk to anyone, even the cats get on my nerves. :hmmm: My poor kitties. lol I get these weird mood swings from time to time. Been stressing out as i have one more month until my next biopsy. Just saying that in case i sound upset in this post. I realize that my post sounds negative towards my nephew. i love him very much, and i blame his mom for his issues. Hes a sweet little boy that loves giving people hugs. I just feel frustrated.


- - - -


Can someone explain to me why parents are so entitled? My nieces bratty son was smacking me with a cooking spoon (sterling silver so its not soft) and she calls me a sissy because i tell him no and took it away from him. She makes excuses that hes just a baby. We got into a disagreement because i told her he needs to learn now rather than later to LISTEN. He is about to be 2 years old. I've had to deal with unruly nieces and nephews and changing that behavior later is not easy.

The cats stay away from him thankfully, but they want to be with me when i am downstairs. So he tries to chase her too with the spoon. I told her that he could harm her with that. I got upset told her i realize she doesnt care if the cats are hurt, and she acts like she does. But with the way she treats her dog, i know she doesnt care. I feel like i cant even be downstairs anymore. I know the cats hide from them throughout the day, but i worry constantly about them. I worry they will approach him when i am not there.

She does stop him when he bothers the cats, but its not enough. She needs to teach him to listen. Everyone here knows how much i love kids, and i love my nephew. But shes turned him into such a bratty child that doesnt listen. Im sick of his constant crying, and sick of her babying him. She yells at him, but then comforts him a few minutes later to get him to stop crying. She needs to ignore his crying, and teach him a lesson. Sorry, i am just frustrated. I could never take parents that baby their kids.

I was going to write about issues that cropped up with her dog, but dont want to get myself even more angry.
Lari Lari is right. And you are, too. Kids start forming their personalities and habits at a very young age, and letting them do whatever they want, whenever they want, especially if it harms others, is absolutely not all right, because kids grow bigger, stronger, and more set in their ways; bad behavior that's ignored or rewarded is reinforced, and pretty soon it's a real problem, not only for the kid and the family but for society at large. You are absolutely right and you are trying to help your nephew and your sister to avert a bad situation.
I am so sorry she does not seem to see it that way. But you must protect your loved ones! I wouldn't want to be in that situation, either, and I would avoid it as much as possible, too. It must seem neverending. But it WILL change in time. Everything that most of us feel as a result of the changes in our lives due to the pandemic seems like it's dragging on and on. But (I pray!) it will eventually change, (I pray!) for the better. And so will your situation. You are strong and resilient. If you weren't, you wouldn't be here. No matter what life throws at you, always remember that.
 
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terestrife

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I am one that thinks that forcing children to hide their emotions, or to only express their emotions in ways that are convenient for the adults, is harmful. We all have emotional scars from that kind of thing. Maybe it would be helpful to think that maybe he won't grow up with those scars?

Of course that doesn't mean you should let him hurt you; that does no favors to his adult self either. "No, I can't let you hurt me (or cats or other people, etc.), hurting people (or cats) is wrong. This is how we touch people (or cats) nicely". Of course this only works if you do not hurt HIM, otherwise that's extremely confusing to the child (I spent most of my young childhood thinking my mother wanted me dead, because she said that if you hit someone that means you want to kill them, and then she hit me :/).
I just meant that if a child did something wrong, and gets upset that you tell them No! If you comfort them at that moment they'll think they're being rewarded for the bad behavior. I do understand not wanting a child to hide/repress their emotions.

Also, I have a lot of nieces and nephews and have never hurt any of them. I don't believe in hitting children, or being emotionally abusive. I love kids, and would never take out my anger on them. Theres a reason everyone asks me for help with their kids, i genuinely love them.:heartshape:

I cheer them on when they make the right choices, and will be serious and firm when they misbehave. I don't think kids should be allowed to smack others, because that behavior will be hard to stop later. I helped raise many of my nieces/nephews. Consistency is important, and teaching them when their behavior is wrong. They learn eventually.

I know I sounded frustrated in my post, i just worry he'll hit my cat's so im trying to teach him that hitting is wrong. And it gets frustrating when his mom isnt doing more to help. My mental state has been messed up these past few years because of a hormonal imbalance, so i tend to get stressed out easily. :sigh:

I wondered how you had been doing! I can't blame you for getting nervous with your upcoming biopsy, and I hope you get good news. :vibes:

I agree your niece is not doing your nephew any favors by not working on having him listen. I've dealt with issues like that as a teacher - I've expressed concern over delays in speech or academics or emotional growth to be yelled at that the student was just a baby/only 3 or 4. And then in the second year of preschool when kindergarten is looming, they start freaking out about their child not being where they should be and I want to shake them for losing that year where they could have been working on things, or getting speech, and everything's now tougher because the child is older and bigger and more set in their ways.

That said, I don't think comforting crying is a bad thing as long as they're not giving in. If he's crying because he was told he couldn't have a spoon, or a cookie before dinner, acknowledging he's upset and frustrated and giving him a hug is fine. Giving him the spoon or cookie or whatever he was crying about to get him to stop isn't. We all need our feelings validated, whether we're two or mid thirties.
The parents you deal with sound like my brother, his kids didn't talk until 3 years old. But then they don't spend time teaching them. Lol they blame everything else even an iron deficiency.

I don't see anything wrong with comforting a crying child. I just mean if you've just scolded them to not do something, and they throw a tantrum. I dont see the benefit in comforting them at that moment. It makes things more difficult when the child is 2 years old and you cant really communicate much to them. If you've had different experience with that i would be interested in learning more. :( Anyway, at the end of the day its her child, and i do respect that. My concern are my cats. I just want them to be safe.

I thank you for your input, its always good to hear from someone with experience. :heartshape: It used to be my dream to become a teacher, but with my health issues i chose not to pursue it. I used to have incredible patience. I helped raise some very unruly kids. LOL I have some crazy stories i could tell. But lately, my mental state is all over the place. I just feel so tired. Just hearing my nephew screaming puts me on edge. It makes me sad, because i love kids. Every child deserves to have an amazing childhood. Raising my niece abby was the fulfilling job (i was her nanny) that i ever had. I have never felt that way again with any other job i have had.

Anyway, been really down lately. A niece im close to is visiting so that's a good thing. But I'm worried about my health. Haven't lost weight and have been trying to make changes, but have so many days where I fail. I worry that if i end up needing a hysterectomy there might be more chances of complications because of my weight. I'll know soon how things are going.

My old coworkers tried to video call me today and I just didn't want anyone to see me. Lol someone from that office sent me a text a few weeks ago that i had blown up in weight. Just have this feeling of wanting to be isolated.

Thank you for thinking of me, it means a lot to me. :heartshape:

Lari Lari is right. And you are, too. Kids start forming their personalities and habits at a very young age, and letting them do whatever they want, whenever they want, especially if it harms others, is absolutely not all right, because kids grow bigger, stronger, and more set in their ways; bad behavior that's ignored or rewarded is reinforced, and pretty soon it's a real problem, not only for the kid and the family but for society at large. You are absolutely right and you are trying to help your nephew and your sister to avert a bad situation.
I am so sorry she does not seem to see it that way. But you must protect your loved ones! I wouldn't want to be in that situation, either, and I would avoid it as much as possible, too. It must seem neverending. But it WILL change in time. Everything that most of us feel as a result of the changes in our lives due to the pandemic seems like it's dragging on and on. But (I pray!) it will eventually change, (I pray!) for the better. And so will your situation. You are strong and resilient. If you weren't, you wouldn't be here. No matter what life throws at you, always remember that.
''

The first few years are so important. My niece went from an angry little girl that everyone called "crabby abby" who couldnt stand being near anyone, to a bright, happy little girl. Things changed when i started taking care of her. Everyone in the streets would compliment me saying they are used to seeing kids that are misbehaving or throwing tantrums.

Thank you for your input! I hope my niece gets it together. Today she spoke up right away when he hit me, so i didnt have to. I do think she understands that its important that he listens. I will never forget this one day many years ago when i went out with one of my SIL and my niece Abby. My niece abby was riding her bike a little ahead of us, and i was telling her mom we should have her closer to us. She used to be the mom that was more easy going and not careful.

Abby starts biking near the road, and isnt listening to her mom. :angryfire: Thank God that Abby listens to me and stopped the second i yelled at her to stop. Thats the moment i realized the value in a child actually listening to their parent/care taker. Something horrible can happen. I know that a 2 year old smacking others might not seem like a big deal, but thats a pattern of him not listening that is starting to be built.

I know you are right and things will eventually change. I am trying to be patient and keep the kitties safe at the same time. Its just frustrating, i am trying so hard to avoid locking them up in a bedroom 24/7 i know that will make them unhappy. Things are so uncertain especially with how things are in society right now. My college (where i work) still doesnt know when we will reopen. Miami has had an increase in cases. Its a lot of things going on at once for everyone.
 

Lari

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I don't see anything wrong with comforting a crying child. I just mean if you've just scolded them to not do something, and they throw a tantrum. I dont see the benefit in comforting them at that moment. It makes things more difficult when the child is 2 years old and you cant really communicate much to them. If you've had different experience with that i would be interested in learning more. :( Anyway, at the end of the day its her child, and i do respect that. My concern are my cats. I just want them to be safe.
I don't have all the answers, and I'm probably going to screw up a lot as a parent! I think a two year old can't necessarily name what they're feeling so saying to them when they're upset "Wow, you feel frustrated and angry right now," will help them feel heard and help build on longer term emotional development so when they are able to talk more they can name their emotions. If it's a complete fall down on the floor tantrum after they've been told no, I probably wouldn't rush to scoop them up unless they were in a place where they could injure themselves. But I hopefully would try to at least acknowledge their unhappiness, even if it didn't change anything? I'm not sure! I think being in therapy and realizing how much my feelings have not been validated (even for things that couldn't be changed), has made me think about it a lot more. A lot of times, it just helps to know you've been heard.

I thank you for your input, its always good to hear from someone with experience. :heartshape: It used to be my dream to become a teacher, but with my health issues i chose not to pursue it. I used to have incredible patience. I helped raise some very unruly kids. LOL I have some crazy stories i could tell. But lately, my mental state is all over the place. I just feel so tired. Just hearing my nephew screaming puts me on edge. It makes me sad, because i love kids. Every child deserves to have an amazing childhood. Raising my niece abby was the fulfilling job (i was her nanny) that i ever had. I have never felt that way again with any other job i have had.
I feel like I used to be more patient and after ten years of teaching, I just got more frustrated. I was also dealing with a lot more screen addiction lately than there was ten years ago, which I think has added to a lot more emotional dysregulation. But there's definitely a difference between the kids who rule the roost at home and those who don't. And parents who are afraid to say no because they don't want their kid to be unhappy with them just aren't doing them any favors.

Anyway, been really down lately. A niece im close to is visiting so that's a good thing. But I'm worried about my health. Haven't lost weight and have been trying to make changes, but have so many days where I fail. I worry that if i end up needing a hysterectomy there might be more chances of complications because of my weight. I'll know soon how things are going.
I know you were hoping for weight loss, but has changing your diet at all helped with anything else, like energy levels or pain? I'm totally a stress eater as well, so I can't blame you for that! I'm supposed to be eating healthy and the other week I ate almost a whole pan of brownies (thankfully not in one sitting) because of stress. This pandemic is not helping.

My old coworkers tried to video call me today and I just didn't want anyone to see me. Lol someone from that office sent me a text a few weeks ago that i had blown up in weight. Just have this feeling of wanting to be isolated.
Um...what a jerk!
 

tarasgirl06

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I just meant that if a child did something wrong, and gets upset that you tell them No! If you comfort them at that moment they'll think they're being rewarded for the bad behavior. I do understand not wanting a child to hide/repress their emotions.

Also, I have a lot of nieces and nephews and have never hurt any of them. I don't believe in hitting children, or being emotionally abusive. I love kids, and would never take out my anger on them. Theres a reason everyone asks me for help with their kids, i genuinely love them.:heartshape:

I cheer them on when they make the right choices, and will be serious and firm when they misbehave. I don't think kids should be allowed to smack others, because that behavior will be hard to stop later. I helped raise many of my nieces/nephews. Consistency is important, and teaching them when their behavior is wrong. They learn eventually.

I know I sounded frustrated in my post, i just worry he'll hit my cat's so im trying to teach him that hitting is wrong. And it gets frustrating when his mom isnt doing more to help. My mental state has been messed up these past few years because of a hormonal imbalance, so i tend to get stressed out easily. :sigh:



The parents you deal with sound like my brother, his kids didn't talk until 3 years old. But then they don't spend time teaching them. Lol they blame everything else even an iron deficiency.

I don't see anything wrong with comforting a crying child. I just mean if you've just scolded them to not do something, and they throw a tantrum. I dont see the benefit in comforting them at that moment. It makes things more difficult when the child is 2 years old and you cant really communicate much to them. If you've had different experience with that i would be interested in learning more. :( Anyway, at the end of the day its her child, and i do respect that. My concern are my cats. I just want them to be safe.

I thank you for your input, its always good to hear from someone with experience. :heartshape: It used to be my dream to become a teacher, but with my health issues i chose not to pursue it. I used to have incredible patience. I helped raise some very unruly kids. LOL I have some crazy stories i could tell. But lately, my mental state is all over the place. I just feel so tired. Just hearing my nephew screaming puts me on edge. It makes me sad, because i love kids. Every child deserves to have an amazing childhood. Raising my niece abby was the fulfilling job (i was her nanny) that i ever had. I have never felt that way again with any other job i have had.

Anyway, been really down lately. A niece im close to is visiting so that's a good thing. But I'm worried about my health. Haven't lost weight and have been trying to make changes, but have so many days where I fail. I worry that if i end up needing a hysterectomy there might be more chances of complications because of my weight. I'll know soon how things are going.

My old coworkers tried to video call me today and I just didn't want anyone to see me. Lol someone from that office sent me a text a few weeks ago that i had blown up in weight. Just have this feeling of wanting to be isolated.

Thank you for thinking of me, it means a lot to me. :heartshape:

''

The first few years are so important. My niece went from an angry little girl that everyone called "crabby abby" who couldnt stand being near anyone, to a bright, happy little girl. Things changed when i started taking care of her. Everyone in the streets would compliment me saying they are used to seeing kids that are misbehaving or throwing tantrums.

Thank you for your input! I hope my niece gets it together. Today she spoke up right away when he hit me, so i didnt have to. I do think she understands that its important that he listens. I will never forget this one day many years ago when i went out with one of my SIL and my niece Abby. My niece abby was riding her bike a little ahead of us, and i was telling her mom we should have her closer to us. She used to be the mom that was more easy going and not careful.

Abby starts biking near the road, and isnt listening to her mom. :angryfire: Thank God that Abby listens to me and stopped the second i yelled at her to stop. Thats the moment i realized the value in a child actually listening to their parent/care taker. Something horrible can happen. I know that a 2 year old smacking others might not seem like a big deal, but thats a pattern of him not listening that is starting to be built.

I know you are right and things will eventually change. I am trying to be patient and keep the kitties safe at the same time. Its just frustrating, i am trying so hard to avoid locking them up in a bedroom 24/7 i know that will make them unhappy. Things are so uncertain especially with how things are in society right now. My college (where i work) still doesnt know when we will reopen. Miami has had an increase in cases. Its a lot of things going on at once for everyone.
Well, you've definitely got your head screwed on straight and your priorities right. Keeping those you love and care for safe should be #1 priority, as it is. About weight, have you tried a green tea supplement? They're inexpensive and available at Walgreens and any health food shop. They are not addictive or harmful in any way. They help to naturally boost metabolism, which means you have more energy and so you move more. It's a gentle way of kind of boosting the good things we're all supposed to do, that can fall by the wayside when we're in pain or discouraged. They're not like the radical "fat burner" supplements that can be very harmful.
I don't have or want kids, but I do know that kids are born blank slates and it's up to caregivers -- parents or others -- to put the right things into them. It's almost like you get to build a person from the ground up and caring parents/caregivers want to do their best to produce someone who's going to be a good citizen and productive member of society. In my case, I was extremely fortunate that a big part of that, for my parents, was about instilling caring, compassion, kindness and personal responsibility. If those aren't taught, by example and otherwise, in the home, it's pretty difficult for kids to get them elsewhere, but it's not impossible. Sometimes good teachers can help in this way, or friends' parents, or clergy, or others. But it's always best when it comes from within the home. It's pretty natural for kids to be reactive when something happens that they don't like, but you're so right in feeling the need to offer an alternative to that at an early age. Kids form a lot of their personalities and behavior by the time they are 2, according to experts -- so it's crucial for those who care about them to teach them what is acceptable and what is not in terms of how they react to situations and other people and living beings.
 

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I do know that kids are born blank slates and it's up to caregivers -- parents or others -- to put the right things into them. It's almost like you get to build a person from the ground up
Not at all, or else every child in a family would be the same since they were raised by the same people. Every human has their own personality, and is born with most of it. Parents/caregivers have a huge responsibility to influence how that small human develops, but that has to be done by working with the child's natural personality, not by squashing the child's natural personality (which never really works and just leads to anger and frustration in all parties).

The point of raising children is to help them develop skills so they can have a successful adulthood. I don't consider obedience to be a helpful adult trait, in fact it's downright harmful for an adult to be blindly obedient. So I don't think too much emphasis should be put on forcing a child to be blindly obedient. Teaching them empathy and thinking skills will serve them much better as adults.
 
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I don't have all the answers, and I'm probably going to screw up a lot as a parent! I think a two year old can't necessarily name what they're feeling so saying to them when they're upset "Wow, you feel frustrated and angry right now," will help them feel heard and help build on longer term emotional development so when they are able to talk more they can name their emotions. If it's a complete fall down on the floor tantrum after they've been told no, I probably wouldn't rush to scoop them up unless they were in a place where they could injure themselves. But I hopefully would try to at least acknowledge their unhappiness, even if it didn't change anything? I'm not sure! I think being in therapy and realizing how much my feelings have not been validated (even for things that couldn't be changed), has made me think about it a lot more. A lot of times, it just helps to know you've been heard.



I feel like I used to be more patient and after ten years of teaching, I just got more frustrated. I was also dealing with a lot more screen addiction lately than there was ten years ago, which I think has added to a lot more emotional dysregulation. But there's definitely a difference between the kids who rule the roost at home and those who don't. And parents who are afraid to say no because they don't want their kid to be unhappy with them just aren't doing them any favors.



I know you were hoping for weight loss, but has changing your diet at all helped with anything else, like energy levels or pain? I'm totally a stress eater as well, so I can't blame you for that! I'm supposed to be eating healthy and the other week I ate almost a whole pan of brownies (thankfully not in one sitting) because of stress. This pandemic is not helping.



Um...what a jerk!
Thank you for responding, its interesting to hear how a teacher is dealing with kids today. Especially when it comes to screen addiction. Computers can be a great benefit to kids, but also can be very addictive. I see my niece on roblox all day long. :sigh:

I talk to my nephew as if he understands me too lol. Sometimes i think he does understand. I am so sorry you grew up in a situation where your feelings werent validated. Our feelings are so important and can impact our mental health. That made me think back on my own childhood. I am grateful that my mom never made me feel strange for my own issues. I exhibited obsessive tendencies even as a child. She would always tell me that i am normal and that my thoughts were normal. Just to work on not giving into the obsessive thoughts. I never felt bad, or less than. She always tried to understand me, even when i made no sense. I suspect i have OCD, but have never been diagnosed. That makes me want to be even more in tune with my nieces and nephews emotions, so thank you for sharing.

Its incredible how powerful words/actions from our parents are, arent they?
-

I do have more energy. And i have been eating a lot healthier than i was before. The scale just isnt moving. I am hungry all day long even with drinking water. I might have to start counting calories. The last time i did, my obsessive tendencies kicked in and started obsessing about every single calorie i was eating. lol It didnt go well mentally.

P.S. brownies sound really good right now. :bawling2:

Well, you've definitely got your head screwed on straight and your priorities right. Keeping those you love and care for safe should be #1 priority, as it is. About weight, have you tried a green tea supplement? They're inexpensive and available at Walgreens and any health food shop. They are not addictive or harmful in any way. They help to naturally boost metabolism, which means you have more energy and so you move more. It's a gentle way of kind of boosting the good things we're all supposed to do, that can fall by the wayside when we're in pain or discouraged. They're not like the radical "fat burner" supplements that can be very harmful.
I don't have or want kids, but I do know that kids are born blank slates and it's up to caregivers -- parents or others -- to put the right things into them. It's almost like you get to build a person from the ground up and caring parents/caregivers want to do their best to produce someone who's going to be a good citizen and productive member of society. In my case, I was extremely fortunate that a big part of that, for my parents, was about instilling caring, compassion, kindness and personal responsibility. If those aren't taught, by example and otherwise, in the home, it's pretty difficult for kids to get them elsewhere, but it's not impossible. Sometimes good teachers can help in this way, or friends' parents, or clergy, or others. But it's always best when it comes from within the home. It's pretty natural for kids to be reactive when something happens that they don't like, but you're so right in feeling the need to offer an alternative to that at an early age. Kids form a lot of their personalities and behavior by the time they are 2, according to experts -- so it's crucial for those who care about them to teach them what is acceptable and what is not in terms of how they react to situations and other people and living beings.
Thank you for the suggestion. I used to love drinking tea and stopped. I will look into the green tea supplement. :heartshape:I definitely think that parents are the most important influence on a childs personality. I have seen the difference in my nieces and nephews depending on their parents. The nieces and nephews with the most behavioral issues just so happened to have the same parents. Parents that were less involved and carefree in their parenting. They would leave their kids with random neighbors. They would usually leave them with us, but it was easier for my SIL to dump them with a random neighbor next door. They were such angry kids that would misbehave all the time. They would lie out of fear of being yelled at. But i would see how they would calm down and start being themselves when they would stay with us for long periods of time (we had them during vacation time). So adults definitely are a huge influence on children.

Not at all, or else every child in a family would be the same since they were raised by the same people. Every human has their own personality, and is born with most of it. Parents/caregivers have a huge responsibility to influence how that small human develops, but that has to be done by working with the child's natural personality, not by squashing the child's natural personality (which never really works and just leads to anger and frustration in all parties).

The point of raising children is to help them develop skills so they can have a successful adulthood. I don't consider obedience to be a helpful adult trait, in fact it's downright harmful for an adult to be blindly obedient. So I don't think too much emphasis should be put on forcing a child to be blindly obedient. Teaching them empathy and thinking skills will serve them much better as adults.
We've always fallen in the middle of obedience in my family. It would have to be something serious for my mom to become upset. We were taught to listen to our parents always. But then given rules on when to listen to adults. My mom was always careful to teach us to be cautious.

I dont really see how teaching a child to listen will squash their personalities. All my nieces and nephews are great kids. They do well in school, and know how to stand up for themselves. We never stopped them from being themselves. But theres no benefit in ignoring kids throwing tantrums, or being disrespectful. It might be a concern to have an obedient adult. But then you can also get an adult that doesnt like being told what to do at work/school. Adults that dont know how to control their emotions. I see this every day at my job. I work as a secretary in a college. Theres so many stunted students that cannot stand being told what to do. Adults college students that show up with their parents in tow as they cry that they failed their classes. With their parents yelling for something to be done. Instead of teaching their child that they will fail sometimes and they need to take ownership of that.

Its such a complicated topic. I do think how you raise a child greatly affects them, but then theres also mental health issues that you cant account for. All we can do is guide children the best way we can. We wont always know what the right thing to do is.
 

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I had great parents overall, but I had, and still do at times, difficulty dealing with my emotions and was often given the impression that I was overreacting or being oversensitive (not just from them - from peers and school and extended relatives). And while I probably did do my share of overreacting, I think having acknowledgement of my having big feelings might have helped. And then my parents ended up going the other way and trying to protect me from hearing things that might make me upset or jealous, and that backfired in that I didn't learn to deal with my emotions. It's a vicious cycle, and I hope I do differently with my child, though I'm super afraid of messing it up.

Having more energy is great, and it's a sign your body is noticing you feeding it well! I feel like just a few pages ago you were constantly exhausted! Hopefully your scale is just taking a bit to catch up.

I made the brownies myself with the recipe my grandma used. They were so good, but all gone. At least I still have ice cream...
 

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I dont really see how teaching a child to listen will squash their personalities.
I imagine it depends on how it's taught and what the parent expects. The child can end up feeling like a overly trained dog. I think my personality was squashed by an overemphasis on obedience when I was little. And my feelings were not validated. It took me 35-ish years to say "forget it" and learn to stand up for myself.

And so many adults seem to consider a child who hides their emotions or learns to only express their emotions in a way that's convenient for adults to be "well-behaved". No, it's just boiling up inside until one day. . .

Even now I find myself discounting my own feelings "haha, no, I'm fine!" *eye twitching* *heart racing* *dying from stress*

Learning to think for oneself about right and wrong instead of simply obeying without thinking is a great skill for a better adulthood.
But theres no benefit in ignoring kids throwing tantrums, or being disrespectful.
What do you do about a tantrum? I always thought standard protocol is to ignore it, because even negative attention still reinforces the tantrum. Plus, tantrums are usually a sign of a child being overwhelmed, and punishing/shaming them isn't going to help.

As for "disrespect". .well, this again depends on how the adults handle it. I've met far too many entitled adults who consider any show of personality or emotion, or any attempt to stand up for or think for themselves, from a child to be "disrespectful". I think all humans deserve basic respect but adults don't get to demand special treatment.
But then you can also get an adult that doesnt like being told what to do at work/school.
IME, those are usually people who grew up with overly authoritarian parents, or with overly sheltering parents. Not usually parents who didn't put too much emphasis on obedience and who taught them critical thinking skills.
 
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Thank you for responding, its interesting to hear how a teacher is dealing with kids today. Especially when it comes to screen addiction. Computers can be a great benefit to kids, but also can be very addictive. I see my niece on roblox all day long. :sigh:

I talk to my nephew as if he understands me too lol. Sometimes i think he does understand. I am so sorry you grew up in a situation where your feelings werent validated. Our feelings are so important and can impact our mental health. That made me think back on my own childhood. I am grateful that my mom never made me feel strange for my own issues. I exhibited obsessive tendencies even as a child. She would always tell me that i am normal and that my thoughts were normal. Just to work on not giving into the obsessive thoughts. I never felt bad, or less than. She always tried to understand me, even when i made no sense. I suspect i have OCD, but have never been diagnosed. That makes me want to be even more in tune with my nieces and nephews emotions, so thank you for sharing.

Its incredible how powerful words/actions from our parents are, arent they?
-

I do have more energy. And i have been eating a lot healthier than i was before. The scale just isnt moving. I am hungry all day long even with drinking water. I might have to start counting calories. The last time i did, my obsessive tendencies kicked in and started obsessing about every single calorie i was eating. lol It didnt go well mentally.

P.S. brownies sound really good right now. :bawling2:



Thank you for the suggestion. I used to love drinking tea and stopped. I will look into the green tea supplement. :heartshape:I definitely think that parents are the most important influence on a childs personality. I have seen the difference in my nieces and nephews depending on their parents. The nieces and nephews with the most behavioral issues just so happened to have the same parents. Parents that were less involved and carefree in their parenting. They would leave their kids with random neighbors. They would usually leave them with us, but it was easier for my SIL to dump them with a random neighbor next door. They were such angry kids that would misbehave all the time. They would lie out of fear of being yelled at. But i would see how they would calm down and start being themselves when they would stay with us for long periods of time (we had them during vacation time). So adults definitely are a huge influence on children.



We've always fallen in the middle of obedience in my family. It would have to be something serious for my mom to become upset. We were taught to listen to our parents always. But then given rules on when to listen to adults. My mom was always careful to teach us to be cautious.

I dont really see how teaching a child to listen will squash their personalities. All my nieces and nephews are great kids. They do well in school, and know how to stand up for themselves. We never stopped them from being themselves. But theres no benefit in ignoring kids throwing tantrums, or being disrespectful. It might be a concern to have an obedient adult. But then you can also get an adult that doesnt like being told what to do at work/school. Adults that dont know how to control their emotions. I see this every day at my job. I work as a secretary in a college. Theres so many stunted students that cannot stand being told what to do. Adults college students that show up with their parents in tow as they cry that they failed their classes. With their parents yelling for something to be done. Instead of teaching their child that they will fail sometimes and they need to take ownership of that.

Its such a complicated topic. I do think how you raise a child greatly affects them, but then theres also mental health issues that you cant account for. All we can do is guide children the best way we can. We wont always know what the right thing to do is.
This society is far, far too self-absorbed, entitled and materialist! No wonder kids turn out how they do. I don't blame the kids. I blame the parents, and the society that has made almost every wrong choice it's possible to make.
I think my parents did almost everything from a base of compassion and caring. They'd both come from poverty and especially in my mom's case, violence. So they didn't want the kid they found out (surprise! unplanned!) they were going to have, to have to go through the same stuff they endured, if they could help it. And compassion didn't mean indulgence. Compassion meant true caring from the heart, help and support, and also discipline. Yeah, my dad would spank me when I did something wrong. Not every little thing, but stuff they saw as crossing over the line, whatever those things were. Far from being abusive, I see it as being really caring. It's the old school way of being raised, and I don't see a thing wrong with it. I didn't grow up to be a bad person or feel like my parents were bad for disciplining me! Quite the opposite. I learned right from wrong from them and my extended family, and those life lessons have stayed with me. I'm extremely thankful for them!
 
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terestrife

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I had great parents overall, but I had, and still do at times, difficulty dealing with my emotions and was often given the impression that I was overreacting or being oversensitive (not just from them - from peers and school and extended relatives). And while I probably did do my share of overreacting, I think having acknowledgement of my having big feelings might have helped. And then my parents ended up going the other way and trying to protect me from hearing things that might make me upset or jealous, and that backfired in that I didn't learn to deal with my emotions. It's a vicious cycle, and I hope I do differently with my child, though I'm super afraid of messing it up.

Having more energy is great, and it's a sign your body is noticing you feeding it well! I feel like just a few pages ago you were constantly exhausted! Hopefully your scale is just taking a bit to catch up.

I made the brownies myself with the recipe my grandma used. They were so good, but all gone. At least I still have ice cream...
Parents are human and fallible after all. i am glad you had good parents. My dad did a lot of mental damage to me as a child, but i learned to forgive him. And we are close now that he is older.

I think people in general worry when kids are oversensitive because they worry they will get bullied, or treated badly as a child. But theres a way to teach a child by respecting their feelings while at the same time teaching them to stick up for themselves. My niece can be a very sensitive little girl, and i always make sure to respect her thoughts and feelings. But i have had to teach her to stand up for herself because other kids took advantage of her kindness.

All we can do is be open to learning. i am sure you might make mistakes as a parent (only because all parents make mistakes) but i always feel like over time, everyone learns from the mistakes their own parents made, and end up doing things better.

For example, my grandmother was similar to my mom. But I heard she was a very hard woman. She had incredible strength, but was sometimes a bit too harsh. She refused to allow my mother to come back home when my mom regretted marrying my father. That is something that always hurt my mom. So she always told her children they would have a home with her no matter what. And told us we had to offer our homes to other family if things go wrong. My mom was always more soft hearted than her mom.

My point is that we learn from others mistakes and are able to do things better. Have faith in yourself. I may not know you, but when i read your posts i sense your kindness and compassion. That is something badly needed as a parent.

p.s. i just bought a walker to try and see if i can start walking around the neighborhood. I am feeling better, but the exercise will do me good. I think once i get some weight off me, it will take the pressure off my back.


I imagine it depends on how it's taught and what the parent expects. The child can end up feeling like a overly trained dog. I think my personality was squashed by an overemphasis on obedience when I was little. And my feelings were not validated. It took me 35-ish years to say "forget it" and learn to stand up for myself.

And so many adults seem to consider a child who hides their emotions or learns to only express their emotions in a way that's convenient for adults to be "well-behaved". No, it's just boiling up inside until one day. . .

Even now I find myself discounting my own feelings "haha, no, I'm fine!" *eye twitching* *heart racing* *dying from stress*

Learning to think for oneself about right and wrong instead of simply obeying without thinking is a great skill for a better adulthood.

What do you do about a tantrum? I always thought standard protocol is to ignore it, because even negative attention still reinforces the tantrum. Plus, tantrums are usually a sign of a child being overwhelmed, and punishing/shaming them isn't going to help.

As for "disrespect". .well, this again depends on how the adults handle it. I've met far too many entitled adults who consider any show of personality or emotion, or any attempt to stand up for or think for themselves, from a child to be "disrespectful". I think all humans deserve basic respect but adults don't get to demand special treatment.

IME, those are usually people who grew up with overly authoritarian parents, or with overly sheltering parents. Not usually parents who didn't put too much emphasis on obedience and who taught them critical thinking skills.
I am so sorry your feelings werent validated as a child. I know my words mean nothing, but your feelings have value. You are not wrong for whatever feelings you have. My mother taught me that our thoughts are not the most important thing, it is our actions that ultimately matter. Who we are as a person is what matters. I understand why my post might have bothered you. The reason i seemed so upset is because i dont want my cats hurt. My niece allowed her son to play with hard toys and i worry for them. He was chasing them and harassing them. I also think its important to teach kids things that are important early. For example, hitting others is not a habit a child should have. I wouldnt want him having issues later on because he responds by hitting and throwing things. Crying if he hears the word no (he is getting better, he doesnt automatically cry when he hears the word now.) Things like that. I dont want him to lose his crazy personality. lol

I dont think a childs personality should be squashed, ever. I have a niece that is a feisty like girl. Drives her mom to madness. If she doesnt like you, she will tell you to your face. LOL The point i am making is that its important to teach kids respect from a young age. But i would never try to bend a child to my will. If i sounded that way, i do apologize.

This society is far, far too self-absorbed, entitled and materialist! No wonder kids turn out how they do. I don't blame the kids. I blame the parents, and the society that has made almost every wrong choice it's possible to make.
I think my parents did almost everything from a base of compassion and caring. They'd both come from poverty and especially in my mom's case, violence. So they didn't want the kid they found out (surprise! unplanned!) they were going to have, to have to go through the same stuff they endured, if they could help it. And compassion didn't mean indulgence. Compassion meant true caring from the heart, help and support, and also discipline. Yeah, my dad would spank me when I did something wrong. Not every little thing, but stuff they saw as crossing over the line, whatever those things were. Far from being abusive, I see it as being really caring. It's the old school way of being raised, and I don't see a thing wrong with it. I didn't grow up to be a bad person or feel like my parents were bad for disciplining me! Quite the opposite. I learned right from wrong from them and my extended family, and those life lessons have stayed with me. I'm extremely thankful for them!
Very true. I was just talking about this with my sister in law. I want my nieces and nephews to be grateful for what they have. To not just focus on themselves and material things. I was telling her that once the issue with COVID is more stable that we should take Abby to volunteer. Shes starting to show compassion and will remark when she sees characters in movies that are homeless, or dont have food etc. She says it makes her sad. I think its good to nurture compassion in children.

Personally i have known people that spank and it works for them. I have seen how disrespectful many older kids nowadays are and its definitely an issue. Oddly enough, my mom never had to spank us. My father walked away when i was five. My mom stepped up and raised their 5 kids. And helped raise her two grand daughters. I dont know why, but all it took was one look from my mother and we all shut up immediately. LOL

My mother had a very sad life, but always showed us the best of her. Always put us first, even up until the end.


EDIT: My niece spent a few weeks with us and is leaving friday. Unfortunately, my sister is coming down, potentially for a full month. i am hoping they are wrong, as i am dreading being stuck with her and her husband that i dont like.

I was listening to her on the phone. She is a married woman that calls up her youngest daughter to lend her money to buy clothes, saying she will pay her back. She is even on her daughters phone plan. I am not sure why she asks her, instead of her husband. She was telling her daughter she wants to send her money for her savings. My sister tends to promises a lot, but do very little. I have fallen for her promises many times before.

I hope she doesnt start nagging about the gates i put up for the kitties area.
 
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EDIT 2: I forgot to mention. Ive mentioned that the niece i live with has the dog that shes too lazy to care for. Today her BF got upset and told her to rehome the dog, that what shes doing is abuse. She completely lost it and kept yelling for him to shut up over and over. He is stuck cleaning the pee and poop her dog does all over the garage, and showering him, but hes not allowed an opinion.

She ends up grabbing her child away from him, and then tries to smack the BFs head, and ends up scratching her child by mistake. :mad2: She becomes so enraged when anyone tries to correct her, or tell her what to do. A few hours later they show up with a cheap natural flea spray, because they are too cheap to buy the dog real flea medicine. Its some natural spray that you use around their stuff. I told her to check the bottle if she plans to spray it on the dog. They are both imbeciles. She buys herself a dress, and a kimono at target, and unneeded pajamas for her son (he has tons of hand me downs, she only bought it because its cute) but they cant afford flea medicine? They have these screaming matches and then act like nothing happened. I think there must be something wrong with the both of them.

I have been badly wanting to buy myself something cute i saw at walmart for the past 3 weeks, but i know i need to buy meat for cat food, and buy litter. It sickens me when people dont care about their pets. I cant wait to be out of this house. Im sick of hearing about other peoples problems. I dont know why but hearing about other peoples problems affects me greatly and i end up worrying. I worry because nowadays, men will hit back. Shes putting herself into a position, where her BF might one day decide to hit her back for being stupid. i dont want that for her. I feel bad saying it, but you shouldnt hit someone unless you are ready to get hit back, i dont care what your gender is.

My other niece (the one visiting) is married to a man that constantly uses being depressed to not stand up and do what needs to be done. He is going to college, and not working for months. My niece is the only one working. He helps in the house because he gets benefits from being a veteran. They ended up retiring him in his early 20s because he kept falling asleep at work. He ubers from time to time. But says he cant handle a full time job, plus school. Meanwhile, my niece never went to college and has supported him and his silly hobbies. She was even paying for his school until her mom convinced her he had to start helping her more.

This might make me sound awful, but i really dont want to know/ see peoples problems. Because they never listen, and never change. They continually make the same mistakes. I have given advice to people over and over, and they act like they agree, and they go back to the same situation. Its their lives and choices, i just dont want to see it or hear about it. Its their regrets to live with, not mine after all.
 

Lari

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Parents are human and fallible after all. i am glad you had good parents. My dad did a lot of mental damage to me as a child, but i learned to forgive him. And we are close now that he is older.

I think people in general worry when kids are oversensitive because they worry they will get bullied, or treated badly as a child. But theres a way to teach a child by respecting their feelings while at the same time teaching them to stick up for themselves. My niece can be a very sensitive little girl, and i always make sure to respect her thoughts and feelings. But i have had to teach her to stand up for herself because other kids took advantage of her kindness.

All we can do is be open to learning. i am sure you might make mistakes as a parent (only because all parents make mistakes) but i always feel like over time, everyone learns from the mistakes their own parents made, and end up doing things better.

For example, my grandmother was similar to my mom. But I heard she was a very hard woman. She had incredible strength, but was sometimes a bit too harsh. She refused to allow my mother to come back home when my mom regretted marrying my father. That is something that always hurt my mom. So she always told her children they would have a home with her no matter what. And told us we had to offer our homes to other family if things go wrong. My mom was always more soft hearted than her mom.

My point is that we learn from others mistakes and are able to do things better. Have faith in yourself. I may not know you, but when i read your posts i sense your kindness and compassion. That is something badly needed as a parent.

p.s. i just bought a walker to try and see if i can start walking around the neighborhood. I am feeling better, but the exercise will do me good. I think once i get some weight off me, it will take the pressure off my back.
Thank you! I don't often feel kind and compassionate. I feel anxious and jealous and impatient and I worry that I feel like I come across so much better online than in real life, even though intellectually I know that no one's perfect.

You seem like such a good person and it seems really unfair that you've gotten such a raw deal, especially in terms of your health and living situation. I hope the walker is able to help you exercise a bit with less pain!

My niece is the only one working. He helps in the house because he gets benefits from being a veteran. They ended up retiring him in his early 20s because he kept falling asleep at work. He ubers from time to time. But says he cant handle a full time job, plus school.
Wait...falling asleep like narcolepsy? Or just not keeping a good schedule. Because if narcolepsy, being an uber driver sounds really unsafe and some sort of data entry working from home job would probably be better.
 
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terestrife

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Thank you! I don't often feel kind and compassionate. I feel anxious and jealous and impatient and I worry that I feel like I come across so much better online than in real life, even though intellectually I know that no one's perfect.

You seem like such a good person and it seems really unfair that you've gotten such a raw deal, especially in terms of your health and living situation. I hope the walker is able to help you exercise a bit with less pain!



Wait...falling asleep like narcolepsy? Or just not keeping a good schedule. Because if narcolepsy, being an uber driver sounds really unsafe and some sort of data entry working from home job would probably be better.
We all have our faults. I have the same faults as you. You know i struggle with anxiety and get stressed easily. I love my nieces and nephews very much. But i cannot deny the painful jealousy i feel when i see family members welcoming children into their lives, when i know i might never have one of my own. Its an empty, painful feeling, and i sometimes cry when i am alone.

We're human, and have negative emotions sometimes. Doesn't make us bad people. My mom knew i struggled with negative thoughts all the time, and she made me understand that even if i had ugly thoughts, what matters is the choices i make. I can be a selfish person, but i fight those impulses and choose to do whats right. And good feelings starts to follow when you do that.

I have a really good example of that. My niece is in her 20s, she moved to another state with her husband when she was 18. She called me up a few years ago, and told me they were struggling so bad they didnt have much food to eat. My initial thought was selfish (this was just a thought i didnt say this to my niece) "why am i stuck helping, when her mom should be the one helping her? i am struggling financially and its not my responsibility."

At that moment i acknowledge these feelings stemmed from the fact that i was struggling financially, so my feelings were valid. However, i didnt want to be selfish and ignore my niece who desperately needed help, so i chose to do what was right and helped her. Sent her money a few times until she was more stable. My initial thought makes me sound like the worst person possible, but what matters to me is that i chose to do the right thing.

So dont beat yourself up for not always feeling the "right emotions" whatever you are feeling is okay, work hard to do what you know is the right thing and you will feel really great afterwards, i know i do. :heartshape: My point is that no one is perfect, we just have to keep working on ourselves.

No, he doesnt have narcolepsy. They had him working odd hours. When he was at work overnight he would would fall asleep while on watch. They gave him many chances, but i guess it became too much. Not sure why he didnt change around his sleep schedule. He always tends to have an excuse why he cant stay at a job long term. I worry because my niece wants a child, and wants to be home with the child. But shes being smart and waiting.
 
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