Venting....

tarasgirl06

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We all have our faults. I have the same faults as you. You know i struggle with anxiety and get stressed easily. I love my nieces and nephews very much. But i cannot deny the painful jealousy i feel when i see family members welcoming children into their lives, when i know i might never have one of my own. Its an empty, painful feeling, and i sometimes cry when i am alone.

We're human, and have negative emotions sometimes. Doesn't make us bad people. My mom knew i struggled with negative thoughts all the time, and she made me understand that even if i had ugly thoughts, what matters is the choices i make. I can be a selfish person, but i fight those impulses and choose to do whats right. And good feelings starts to follow when you do that.

I have a really good example of that. My niece is in her 20s, she moved to another state with her husband when she was 18. She called me up a few years ago, and told me they were struggling so bad they didnt have much food to eat. My initial thought was selfish (this was just a thought i didnt say this to my niece) "why am i stuck helping, when her mom should be the one helping her? i am struggling financially and its not my responsibility."

At that moment i acknowledge these feelings stemmed from the fact that i was struggling financially, so my feelings were valid. However, i didnt want to be selfish and ignore my niece who desperately needed help, so i chose to do what was right and helped her. Sent her money a few times until she was more stable. My initial thought makes me sound like the worst person possible, but what matters to me is that i chose to do the right thing.

So dont beat yourself up for not always feeling the "right emotions" whatever you are feeling is okay, work hard to do what you know is the right thing and you will feel really great afterwards, i know i do. :heartshape: My point is that no one is perfect, we just have to keep working on ourselves.

No, he doesnt have narcolepsy. They had him working odd hours. When he was at work overnight he would would fall asleep while on watch. They gave him many chances, but i guess it became too much. Not sure why he didnt change around his sleep schedule. He always tends to have an excuse why he cant stay at a job long term. I worry because my niece wants a child, and wants to be home with the child. But shes being smart and waiting.
Taking care of yourself and those dependent upon you is the right thing to do, both personally in in Faith. This was something I wondered about until I saw it written as part of my spiritual instruction, and I see that it IS right. Another thing I was raised to believe is the old cliche, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be" -- this also makes sense morally and spiritually, because people who are beholden to others feel it on their conscience, whether consciously or subconsciously, and if they ignore that, it is still there, making them feel less than good within themselves. And when you lend to others, of course you do so in the good faith of getting it repaid; when the person does not repay, it creates bad feeling and disharmony between the people that lasts and can worsen. So I always explain this when people bring it up. A good friend of mine lent a lot of money to a mutual friend, who just kept borrowing and borrowing but never repaid him. When she passed away, he was out a good deal of money. He only made minimum wage, so it wasn't like he had it to lose. I always tried to counsel him against doing this because I had a feeling she would not repay him. It turns out that she could not as she died penniless. But as much as he loved her, it was not his responsibility to support her, and he asked his relatives for money a lot of times after he was cashed out from giving to his friend. It doesn't make sense, does it? I don't have a lot, and I need what I have to support myself and my loved ones. Anyone else will just have to find other ways of making money, because I am not "it". That's not unkind. That's good sense, and survival for my loved ones and myself.
I agree with you about hitting. It should never happen, period, end of story. My second ex was violent with me and so when my third ex started becoming serious about me I told him up front, you ever hit me once, it'll be the LAST time you ever hit me. He found out how serious I was when we had an argument and he forcibly pushed me so I almost fell. I had him removed from the house. I guess he hated me after that, but one thing for sure -- he found out I keep my promises and am true to my word.
And I would NEVER allow a kid to hit anyone.
 
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terestrife

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Taking care of yourself and those dependent upon you is the right thing to do, both personally in in Faith. This was something I wondered about until I saw it written as part of my spiritual instruction, and I see that it IS right. Another thing I was raised to believe is the old cliche, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be" -- this also makes sense morally and spiritually, because people who are beholden to others feel it on their conscience, whether consciously or subconsciously, and if they ignore that, it is still there, making them feel less than good within themselves. And when you lend to others, of course you do so in the good faith of getting it repaid; when the person does not repay, it creates bad feeling and disharmony between the people that lasts and can worsen. So I always explain this when people bring it up. A good friend of mine lent a lot of money to a mutual friend, who just kept borrowing and borrowing but never repaid him. When she passed away, he was out a good deal of money. He only made minimum wage, so it wasn't like he had it to lose. I always tried to counsel him against doing this because I had a feeling she would not repay him. It turns out that she could not as she died penniless. But as much as he loved her, it was not his responsibility to support her, and he asked his relatives for money a lot of times after he was cashed out from giving to his friend. It doesn't make sense, does it? I don't have a lot, and I need what I have to support myself and my loved ones. Anyone else will just have to find other ways of making money, because I am not "it". That's not unkind. That's good sense, and survival for my loved ones and myself.
I agree with you about hitting. It should never happen, period, end of story. My second ex was violent with me and so when my third ex started becoming serious about me I told him up front, you ever hit me once, it'll be the LAST time you ever hit me. He found out how serious I was when we had an argument and he forcibly pushed me so I almost fell. I had him removed from the house. I guess he hated me after that, but one thing for sure -- he found out I keep my promises and am true to my word.
And I would NEVER allow a kid to hit anyone.
Thank you for sharing the story of your friend. I completely agree with your viewpoint on money. I dont lend anything unless its something i am willing to lose. Because i used to have people break my things, or not pay me back. I am still waiting for my sister to pay me back something she put on my credit card. I will never forgive her for that. I gave in because she kept calling me up crying about her house and talking about her husband who was passing from cancer. That she wanted the house fixed for him. It was stupid of me to help her, and believe her stories that she will pay me back "no matter what."

I will never again lend my credit, or a large sum of money, unless its for something life or death. I lent the money to my niece because she's like a daughter to me. She needed food and i couldnt live with my self if she didnt have food to eat. She didnt give the money back, and i wasnt expecting her to. Shes always been one of the few people that still gets me gifts on my birthday, and buys me things for no reason (she now has a very good job :banana1:). She's not a selfish person and treats me like a second mother. But i have definitely become more careful with money. I will still be there for my family, but will be more careful that it is a serious situation.

I am glad you stood up to your ex. I have never been in an abusive situation, but i know enough that people like that escalate and start doing worse things. They become emboldened the more time passes and hurt their victims in more horrible ways. My mom always told us never to even play fight with a man, because an accidental hit can lead to a very horrible situation. I wish i could talk to my niece, but shes the one that becomes enraged when people tell her what to do. I dont think its wise for her to smack her BF, even if shes not really hitting him hard. No one puts up with that for long. Her baby now has a big red scratch on his face because she scratched him as she tried to hit her BF. :frustrated:They're relationship confuses me, these things happen, and they're lovey dovey a few hours later.
 

tarasgirl06

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Thank you for sharing the story of your friend. I completely agree with your viewpoint on money. I dont lend anything unless its something i am willing to lose. Because i used to have people break my things, or not pay me back. I am still waiting for my sister to pay me back something she put on my credit card. I will never forgive her for that. I gave in because she kept calling me up crying about her house and talking about her husband who was passing from cancer. That she wanted the house fixed for him. It was stupid of me to help her, and believe her stories that she will pay me back "no matter what."

I will never again lend my credit, or a large sum of money, unless its for something life or death. I lent the money to my niece because she's like a daughter to me. She needed food and i couldnt live with my self if she didnt have food to eat. She didnt give the money back, and i wasnt expecting her to. Shes always been one of the few people that still gets me gifts on my birthday, and buys me things for no reason (she now has a very good job :banana1:). She's not a selfish person and treats me like a second mother. But i have definitely become more careful with money. I will still be there for my family, but will be more careful that it is a serious situation.

I am glad you stood up to your ex. I have never been in an abusive situation, but i know enough that people like that escalate and start doing worse things. They become emboldened the more time passes and hurt their victims in more horrible ways. My mom always told us never to even play fight with a man, because an accidental hit can lead to a very horrible situation. I wish i could talk to my niece, but shes the one that becomes enraged when people tell her what to do. I dont think its wise for her to smack her BF, even if shes not really hitting him hard. No one puts up with that for long. Her baby now has a big red scratch on his face because she scratched him as she tried to hit her BF. :frustrated:They're relationship confuses me, these things happen, and they're lovey dovey a few hours later.
Yes. Experts say abusers start small and once they've crossed that line, they escalate. Many of them cry, bring gifts and say how sorry they are after every episode. I believe a lot of them are sincere. But it's a fact that once lines are crossed, there is no going back. Yes, people can and do change, but there is something about violence that is not so changeable. That's why I'm so hard line on crime. I didn't used to be, because I had empathy for the family members and loved ones of the criminals, too, and I still do, because THEY are not responsible for the crimes. But now, I feel the most for those impacted by the crime who either are not alive any more, are irreparably harmed, or who are family/loved ones of the victims. None of them asked for these things to happen.
 

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So dont beat yourself up for not always feeling the "right emotions" whatever you are feeling is okay, work hard to do what you know is the right thing and you will feel really great afterwards, i know i do. :heartshape: My point is that no one is perfect, we just have to keep working on ourselves.
Thank you. I'll keep working on doing the right thing and not always following my impulses. Thanks for being so sweet.

No, he doesnt have narcolepsy. They had him working odd hours. When he was at work overnight he would would fall asleep while on watch. They gave him many chances, but i guess it became too much. Not sure why he didnt change around his sleep schedule.
Oh, I can see how that might be hard. My brother was on a night shift for a while, and he did change his sleep schedule, though it wasn't easy. I'm a bit relieved he's not a narcoleptic uber driver, though, and just someone who didn't put in the work.
 
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terestrife

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Yes. Experts say abusers start small and once they've crossed that line, they escalate. Many of them cry, bring gifts and say how sorry they are after every episode. I believe a lot of them are sincere. But it's a fact that once lines are crossed, there is no going back. Yes, people can and do change, but there is something about violence that is not so changeable. That's why I'm so hard line on crime. I didn't used to be, because I had empathy for the family members and loved ones of the criminals, too, and I still do, because THEY are not responsible for the crimes. But now, I feel the most for those impacted by the crime who either are not alive any more, are irreparably harmed, or who are family/loved ones of the victims. None of them asked for these things to happen.
I cant see how someone that physically hurts someone they supposedly care about can change. But perhaps with intense therapy? I have yet to see anyone change after crossing a line like that. I wouldn't risk staying though. Our own safety and peace of mind is most important. So i am glad you got away from that situation. Life is too short to be stuck in an unhappy relationship/situation.

Thank you. I'll keep working on doing the right thing and not always following my impulses. Thanks for being so sweet.



Oh, I can see how that might be hard. My brother was on a night shift for a while, and he did change his sleep schedule, though it wasn't easy. I'm a bit relieved he's not a narcoleptic uber driver, though, and just someone who didn't put in the work.
You've always been very kind to me, i am here when you need to express your thoughts. :heartshape:



----

My sister gets here tomorrow. Its going to be a long month. I really hope we're not stuck with them that long.
 

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You've always been very kind to me, i am here when you need to express your thoughts. :heartshape:
Thank you! Since this is your thread, I don't want to accidentally make it about me. I can do that on my own thread, lol. But I still appreciate it.

Good luck with your sister's arrival and stay! Fingers crossed things go relatively smoothly.
 

tarasgirl06

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I cant see how someone that physically hurts someone they supposedly care about can change. But perhaps with intense therapy? I have yet to see anyone change after crossing a line like that. I wouldn't risk staying though. Our own safety and peace of mind is most important. So i am glad you got away from that situation. Life is too short to be stuck in an unhappy relationship/situation.



You've always been very kind to me, i am here when you need to express your thoughts. :heartshape:



----

My sister gets here tomorrow. Its going to be a long month. I really hope we're not stuck with them that long.
Yeah, I agree. But so many people don't understand that it's not always easy, or even possible, to pick up and leave. It certainly wasn't for me. Actually I was glad when I asked my dad if I could move back in with them if needed, and he pretty much refused. We are really supposed to handle our own problems when we're grown, and although abuse is a higher level of problem than almost anything else I can think of, when we sign that contract we agree to deal with whatever comes our way. In a way I believe it strengthened me and educated me, to the point to where I flatly refuse to enter into another relationship -- for better, or for worse, that's my decision.
And I also hope your visitors decide they don't want to stay for all that time!
 

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This might make me sound awful, but i really dont want to know/ see peoples problems. Because they never listen, and never change. They continually make the same mistakes. I have given advice to people over and over, and they act like they agree, and they go back to the same situation. Its their lives and choices, i just dont want to see it or hear about it. Its their regrets to live with, not mine after all.
I don't want to hear about other people's problems anymore either for the same reason. People used to use me as a shoulder to cry on and would ask for advice all the time, but almost never did anything with it even though they usually agreed that it was good advice. Eventually I just said "screw it" and stopped caring, I don't see the point in wasting my time or energy on most people anymore since they obviously don't care enough about themselves to want to do anything to help themselves.
 

tarasgirl06

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I don't want to hear about other people's problems anymore either for the same reason. People used to use me as a shoulder to cry on and would ask for advice all the time, but almost never did anything with it even though they usually agreed that it was good advice. Eventually I just said "screw it" and stopped caring, I don't see the point in wasting my time or energy on most people anymore since they obviously don't care enough about themselves to want to do anything to help themselves.
I basically agree, and I've run into the same thing. These people can suck your energy dry. But if someone really wants/needs help and uses the good suggestion to improve their life/situation, that's great and I want to help.
 

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I basically agree, and I've run into the same thing. These people can suck your energy dry. But if someone really wants/needs help and uses the good suggestion to improve their life/situation, that's great and I want to help.
Yeah. If I ever meet one of those mythical people who actually care enough about themselves to want to improve I wouldn't mind helping them.
 
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terestrife

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Thank you! Since this is your thread, I don't want to accidentally make it about me. I can do that on my own thread, lol. But I still appreciate it.

Good luck with your sister's arrival and stay! Fingers crossed things go relatively smoothly.
Thank you! :vibes: :heartshape: You can always send me PM if you need someone to talk to. I am grateful for all the help you have given me.

I just found out my sister is only staying a couple of weeks, so thats a relief.

Yeah, I agree. But so many people don't understand that it's not always easy, or even possible, to pick up and leave. It certainly wasn't for me. Actually I was glad when I asked my dad if I could move back in with them if needed, and he pretty much refused. We are really supposed to handle our own problems when we're grown, and although abuse is a higher level of problem than almost anything else I can think of, when we sign that contract we agree to deal with whatever comes our way. In a way I believe it strengthened me and educated me, to the point to where I flatly refuse to enter into another relationship -- for better, or for worse, that's my decision.
And I also hope your visitors decide they don't want to stay for all that time!
I can see what you mean. Perhaps my sister would be less dependent on others if my mom had forced her to deal with her own issues. But then again, maybe she would still be with her first husband out of fear of leaving. She spent years going back and forth to him. He is not a good man. She later found out he sold drugs, and some other things that i wont repeat out of respect to my sister. My sister tends to run to men to take care of her. Shes been married 3 times. She claims its because she wasnt with her "true love" who is her current husband. But the truth is that she runs away from her problems.

My mom just wanted us to always have a place to go back to, but this was because of her own life. She wasnt happy married to my father. Like you said, its not easy to leave. She had 5 kids, and no where to go. My father didnt pay child support, but thank God he was decent enough to leave my mom their home when they divorced. She finally left him when i was 5 years old. Mind you, my dad wasnt abusive, so the situation is different. I just mean that i understand it is hard to leave when you are dependent on someone, or in a bad situation (dad was constantly cheating).

I am glad you were able to find a way to leave, and are in a better place. I know that doesnt happen for everyone in abusive relationships.

I don't want to hear about other people's problems anymore either for the same reason. People used to use me as a shoulder to cry on and would ask for advice all the time, but almost never did anything with it even though they usually agreed that it was good advice. Eventually I just said "screw it" and stopped caring, I don't see the point in wasting my time or energy on most people anymore since they obviously don't care enough about themselves to want to do anything to help themselves.
Honestly, i feel the same way. My sisters husband tried calling me up to get gossip and the problems my niece is having with her BF. I straight up told him i didnt want to be in the middle of that. I told him not to involve me. Its rare for me to give advice to anyone anymore. The things i have seen happened that could have been avoided had people listened to me, just ends up frustrating me.

The last situation that i allowed to get to me is a situation with my niece. Shes 9 years old and my SIL stopped combing her hair (had 3 kids and is "overwhelmed"). She now has a huge knotted ball on her head and never gets her hair washed. SIL is insisting she can comb the knot out. I told her to cut it two months ago so it can at least get some length before school starts... Has she listened? No. It just angers me sometimes when people are so stupid and lazy.

Its hard for me not to care when it involves a child, you know?

I basically agree, and I've run into the same thing. These people can suck your energy dry. But if someone really wants/needs help and uses the good suggestion to improve their life/situation, that's great and I want to help.
Yeah. If I ever meet one of those mythical people who actually care enough about themselves to want to improve I wouldn't mind helping them.
That happens to me all the time. I give advice and they seem to agree and listen. But nothing ever changes. I think people just need to learn for themselves. But there are times when i feel i have to at least try.

I do have some family members that if i use the right approach i can wheedle them to listen. My niece (that visited recently) hasn't been to the dentist in years. I had to give a few pushes but managed to get her to go. :clap2: I had to repeat myself and remind her over and over but i succeeded. Shes been in pain for months but kept pushing it off.

With some people the effort is worth it.
 

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Honestly, i feel the same way. My sisters husband tried calling me up to get gossip and the problems my niece is having with her BF. I straight up told him i didnt want to be in the middle of that. I told him not to involve me. Its rare for me to give advice to anyone anymore. The things i have seen happened that could have been avoided had people listened to me, just ends up frustrating me.

The last situation that i allowed to get to me is a situation with my niece. Shes 9 years old and my SIL stopped combing her hair (had 3 kids and is "overwhelmed"). She now has a huge knotted ball on her head and never gets her hair washed. SIL is insisting she can comb the knot out. I told her to cut it two months ago so it can at least get some length before school starts... Has she listened? No. It just angers me sometimes when people are so stupid and lazy.

Its hard for me not to care when it involves a child, you know?




That happens to me all the time. I give advice and they seem to agree and listen. But nothing ever changes. I think people just need to learn for themselves. But there are times when i feel i have to at least try.

I do have some family members that if i use the right approach i can wheedle them to listen. My niece (that visited recently) hasn't been to the dentist in years. I had to give a few pushes but managed to get her to go. :clap2: I had to repeat myself and remind her over and over but i succeeded. Shes been in pain for months but kept pushing it off.

With some people the effort is worth it.
I don't get that. AT ALL. I really don't. I'd much rather learn from someone else's mistakes than try the same thing myself and have it blow up in my face just like it did for them. Then again I never developed that "I'm different than everyone else, I'm special, I can do it" delusion that so many people seem to suffer from.

I mean, I do know a couple people who ask me for advice because they genuinely need help and don't know what to do, but I could literally count them on my hands compared to the ones that I've known who seem to just want to waste my time.

When I was younger I used to joke that I was a grumpy old man in training. If only I knew.....
 
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AT ALL. I really don't. I'd much rather learn from someone else's mistakes than try the same thing myself and have it blow up in my face just like it did for them. Then again I never developed that "I'm different than everyone else, I'm special, I can do it" delusion that so many people seem to suffer from.

I mean, I do know a couple people who ask me for advice because they genuinely need help and don't know what to do, but I could literally count the
A grumpy old man in training. LOL That made me laugh out loud. When i was young, everyone compared me to cartoon characters Eeyore and Grumpy because i was constantly depressed/grumpy. :cringe:

I think some people are stubborn and think they know best. For some people, like me, change can be very difficult. I have made big changes in my life and it leads me to having anxiety attacks and freaking out until i get used to the change. Not sure why. lol Its so very easy to fall back to old habits that are familiar and safe, even if its damaging to ourselves.

It is frustrating though, because i dont get asking for advice, unless you are open to making changes.
 

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A grumpy old man in training. LOL That made me laugh out loud. When i was young, everyone compared me to cartoon characters Eeyore and Grumpy because i was constantly depressed/grumpy. :cringe:

I think some people are stubborn and think they know best. For some people, like me, change can be very difficult. I have made big changes in my life and it leads me to having anxiety attacks and freaking out until i get used to the change. Not sure why. lol Its so very easy to fall back to old habits that are familiar and safe, even if its damaging to ourselves.

It is frustrating though, because i dont get asking for advice, unless you are open to making changes.
I sort of give advice in a different way. When someone is having a problem I've had, I try to work it into the conversation about having the problem myself, empathizing, and then explaining how I solved it. That way I'm not telling someone what to do, just describing some way to possibly solve the problem and explaining that it worked for me. Then I finish up with something like, "If I can do it, anyone can!" Sometimes that is helpful, sometimes not, but at least I've tried.

WOW. The thing with the hair is neglect, from my standpoint, anyway. Don't remember if I took care of my own hair at 9 but combing and washing is basic hygiene and 9 is a kid and I'm pretty sure if she goes out in public like that, especially to a school or other place where adults are in charge of kids, it will definitely be remarked upon! Poor child! How "overwhelmed" can you be to do this?

As to my abusive relationship, it was not my choice to leave, as I had a lot of advantages in the marriage and as long as he was spending all his time at work or with his girlfriend, I was pretty much free of him and just enjoyed our beautiful land and home with my loved ones. He gave me no choice when he told me he was divorcing me. I did not want this to happen, because my losses are almost unendurable to me even now. But some things in life are not in our control, so I do the best I can.
 
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t way. When someone is having a problem I've had, I try to work it into the conversation about having the problem myself, empathizin
I do that too! My niece is struggling with her weight, and shes starting to have an irregular period. I know how sensitive i can be about my weight. So i was telling her how im trying to improve my health. I explained to her that it concerns me that she doesnt have her period for months at a time.

Going to start annoying her to go to a gyno. I doubt she has anything, because shes young. I think her issues are just from her weight gain (which can cause an irregular period). But its important to fix things early, you know? She knows about my health issues, and i explained that i dont want her going through what i am going through. I was blessed that my issue didnt reach the point of cancer. But now that i have this, theres a possibility it is hereditary, you know? She wants to be a mom too, and i dont want that taken away from her.

I have become paranoid. My sister had to have her gallbladder removed a few years back, then her daughter had hers removed.... Then i had pancreatitis and gallbladder attacks too. Had mine removed too. :headshake: Made me realize how important it is to pay attention to health issues your family members have.

I know, i get angry when i see my niece. I have spent two months encouraging my SIL to her to fix her hair. I went on a saturday and we spent hours trying to untangle that ball of knot. No change at all... I regret not stepping in and combing her hair myself before it got to that point. She claims shes so busy, but she just helped my brother repaint and fix the kitchen cabinets. Her new baby stays alone in her crib for hours, and her son is in front of a tv until its time to eat. The problem is that she had me and my mom to help her raise her oldest. Shes never had to be a mother on her own. So shes letting things slide for her oldest.

Oh, I see. :sigh: Sounds like that was a very difficult situation. i wont pretend to understand, as i have never been in an abusive relationship. But i cant imagine the choice to leave, or to stay can be an easy one. To leave a situation that is at least familiar to you, for something unknown and terrifying? I am very happy that you at least have your independence now, and room mates that you get along with. I hope whatever you lost by leaving your marriage is somehow repaid back to you with time. :vibes::heartshape:
 

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I do that too! My niece is struggling with her weight, and shes starting to have an irregular period. I know how sensitive i can be about my weight. So i was telling her how im trying to improve my health. I explained to her that it concerns me that she doesnt have her period for months at a time.

Going to start annoying her to go to a gyno. I doubt she has anything, because shes young. I think her issues are just from her weight gain (which can cause an irregular period). But its important to fix things early, you know? She knows about my health issues, and i explained that i dont want her going through what i am going through. I was blessed that my issue didnt reach the point of cancer. But now that i have this, theres a possibility it is hereditary, you know? She wants to be a mom too, and i dont want that taken away from her.

I have become paranoid. My sister had to have her gallbladder removed a few years back, then her daughter had hers removed.... Then i had pancreatitis and gallbladder attacks too. Had mine removed too. :headshake: Made me realize how important it is to pay attention to health issues your family members have.

I know, i get angry when i see my niece. I have spent two months encouraging my SIL to her to fix her hair. I went on a saturday and we spent hours trying to untangle that ball of knot. No change at all... I regret not stepping in and combing her hair myself before it got to that point. She claims shes so busy, but she just helped my brother repaint and fix the kitchen cabinets. Her new baby stays alone in her crib for hours, and her son is in front of a tv until its time to eat. The problem is that she had me and my mom to help her raise her oldest. Shes never had to be a mother on her own. So shes letting things slide for her oldest.

Oh, I see. :sigh: Sounds like that was a very difficult situation. i wont pretend to understand, as i have never been in an abusive relationship. But i cant imagine the choice to leave, or to stay can be an easy one. To leave a situation that is at least familiar to you, for something unknown and terrifying? I am very happy that you at least have your independence now, and room mates that you get along with. I hope whatever you lost by leaving your marriage is somehow repaid back to you with time. :vibes::heartshape:
Well, the care of your niece is not your responsibility! And you shouldn't take it upon yourself IMHO as you have a life, loved ones, and plenty on your own plate.
Yes, health problems can be, but are not always, hereditary -- something I think it's important to remember. We are each individuals, and things like diet and lifestyle play the most important part in our wellbeing, I believe. Those are choices we can make.
Well, my loved ones whom I had to separate from can never be restored to me, nor can my land and house. But as I say, I do the best I can. Life here is good, and my loved ones with me now, as well as my roomies, make life good. I will never forget who and what I have lost. But I also know what I have now is valuable to me, and how very, very fortunate I am to have what I do have. I don't competely blame my ex -- I also played a role in the breakup. That's part of life lessons -- learning what we did wrong and how not to do it again.
 
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terestrife

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Well, the care of your niece is not your responsibility! And you shouldn't take it upon yourself IMHO as you have a life, loved ones, and plenty on your own plate.
Yes, health problems can be, but are not always, hereditary -- something I think it's important to remember. We are each individuals, and things like diet and lifestyle play the most important part in our wellbeing, I believe. Those are choices we can make.
Well, my loved ones whom I had to separate from can never be restored to me, nor can my land and house. But as I say, I do the best I can. Life here is good, and my loved ones with me now, as well as my roomies, make life good. I will never forget who and what I have lost. But I also know what I have now is valuable to me, and how very, very fortunate I am to have what I do have. I don't competely blame my ex -- I also played a role in the breakup. That's part of life lessons -- learning what we did wrong and how not to do it again.
I know Abby isnt my responsibility. But it breaks my heart. I helped raise her and i would dedicate a lot of time to combing her hair every morning, and every night. I would do hair treatments, and trim her hair to avoid tangles. I took pride in caring for her. I would even dress her in fancy disney princess outfits even when we would just stay home. lol She would play in her outdoor park dressed in her princess dresses. :flail:Shes a girly girl. Seeing her disheveled makes me so sad.

I know its not the same at all, but i understand how you feel. Losing my childhood home, and losing my mom, has left me feeling really destabilized. I think thats why i am so obsessed with having my own place. Loss of any kind isnt easy. But it says a lot about you that you can leave a bad relationship and say you made your own mistakes. We cant grow unless we see our own faults, thats very important to me for my own growth as a person.
 
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terestrife

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How i used to dress up Abby. :flail:The only pics i could find that dont show her face. lol I always wanted to have my own little girl, i think this makes it obvious.
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I do that too! My niece is struggling with her weight, and shes starting to have an irregular period. I know how sensitive i can be about my weight. So i was telling her how im trying to improve my health. I explained to her that it concerns me that she doesnt have her period for months at a time.

Going to start annoying her to go to a gyno. I doubt she has anything, because shes young. I think her issues are just from her weight gain (which can cause an irregular period). But its important to fix things early, you know? She knows about my health issues, and i explained that i dont want her going through what i am going through. I was blessed that my issue didnt reach the point of cancer. But now that i have this, theres a possibility it is hereditary, you know? She wants to be a mom too, and i dont want that taken away from her.
How old is this niece? If she's still a teen/in the first few years of getting her cycle (or she's been on birth control and just getting off), it's probably okay, but if it's older, it might not be. When I read Taking Charge of Your Fertility, it said there could be normal to have different lengths of cycles in that stress or illness can make you ovulate late, but super long or short cycles could be a problem for various reasons. You have PCOS, right? And not endometriosis? I'm having trouble remembering, but they can both be issues. I only started tracking my cycles when I was ttc, but I kind of wish I'd known about it earlier (not that there was much I could do on bc, because it's amazing what we can learn from our bodies.

How i used to dress up Abby. :flail:The only pics i could find that dont show her face. lol I always wanted to have my own little girl, i think this makes it obvious.
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So pretty! I especially love the pigtails in the last picture. I really hope you get your little girl someday!
 
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terestrife

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How old is this niece? If she's still a teen/in the first few years of getting her cycle (or she's been on birth control and just getting off), it's probably okay, but if it's older, it might not be. When I read Taking Charge of Your Fertility, it said there could be normal to have different lengths of cycles in that stress or illness can make you ovulate late, but super long or short cycles could be a problem for various reasons. You have PCOS, right? And not endometriosis? I'm having trouble remembering, but they can both be issues. I only started tracking my cycles when I was ttc, but I kind of wish I'd known about it earlier (not that there was much I could do on bc, because it's amazing what we can learn from our bodies.



So pretty! I especially love the pigtails in the last picture. I really hope you get your little girl someday!
She's in her early 20s and has pcos. She got off birth control 3 years ago and it's been irregular since then.

I have PCOS too, ever since my period started as a teen, it was never regular. Months to years without a period. They found abnormal cells in my lining last year, that's why im currently on medication. To see if the cells can go back to normal. In the beginning I was told I had a 30% chance of having/ getting cancer. But nothing bad so far.

I just tend to encourage all the women i know to keep up with the gyno. I don't know if BC can affect the cycle for so many years?

And thank you. Even if I never have a child I have many wonderful memories with my nieces and nephews. I won't give up hope tho. :heartshape:
 
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