- Sep 19, 2006
- Reaction score
- Glendale, CATifornia
Taking care of yourself and those dependent upon you is the right thing to do, both personally in in Faith. This was something I wondered about until I saw it written as part of my spiritual instruction, and I see that it IS right. Another thing I was raised to believe is the old cliche, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be" -- this also makes sense morally and spiritually, because people who are beholden to others feel it on their conscience, whether consciously or subconsciously, and if they ignore that, it is still there, making them feel less than good within themselves. And when you lend to others, of course you do so in the good faith of getting it repaid; when the person does not repay, it creates bad feeling and disharmony between the people that lasts and can worsen. So I always explain this when people bring it up. A good friend of mine lent a lot of money to a mutual friend, who just kept borrowing and borrowing but never repaid him. When she passed away, he was out a good deal of money. He only made minimum wage, so it wasn't like he had it to lose. I always tried to counsel him against doing this because I had a feeling she would not repay him. It turns out that she could not as she died penniless. But as much as he loved her, it was not his responsibility to support her, and he asked his relatives for money a lot of times after he was cashed out from giving to his friend. It doesn't make sense, does it? I don't have a lot, and I need what I have to support myself and my loved ones. Anyone else will just have to find other ways of making money, because I am not "it". That's not unkind. That's good sense, and survival for my loved ones and myself.We all have our faults. I have the same faults as you. You know i struggle with anxiety and get stressed easily. I love my nieces and nephews very much. But i cannot deny the painful jealousy i feel when i see family members welcoming children into their lives, when i know i might never have one of my own. Its an empty, painful feeling, and i sometimes cry when i am alone.
We're human, and have negative emotions sometimes. Doesn't make us bad people. My mom knew i struggled with negative thoughts all the time, and she made me understand that even if i had ugly thoughts, what matters is the choices i make. I can be a selfish person, but i fight those impulses and choose to do whats right. And good feelings starts to follow when you do that.
I have a really good example of that. My niece is in her 20s, she moved to another state with her husband when she was 18. She called me up a few years ago, and told me they were struggling so bad they didnt have much food to eat. My initial thought was selfish (this was just a thought i didnt say this to my niece) "why am i stuck helping, when her mom should be the one helping her? i am struggling financially and its not my responsibility."
At that moment i acknowledge these feelings stemmed from the fact that i was struggling financially, so my feelings were valid. However, i didnt want to be selfish and ignore my niece who desperately needed help, so i chose to do what was right and helped her. Sent her money a few times until she was more stable. My initial thought makes me sound like the worst person possible, but what matters to me is that i chose to do the right thing.
So dont beat yourself up for not always feeling the "right emotions" whatever you are feeling is okay, work hard to do what you know is the right thing and you will feel really great afterwards, i know i do. My point is that no one is perfect, we just have to keep working on ourselves.
No, he doesnt have narcolepsy. They had him working odd hours. When he was at work overnight he would would fall asleep while on watch. They gave him many chances, but i guess it became too much. Not sure why he didnt change around his sleep schedule. He always tends to have an excuse why he cant stay at a job long term. I worry because my niece wants a child, and wants to be home with the child. But shes being smart and waiting.
I agree with you about hitting. It should never happen, period, end of story. My second ex was violent with me and so when my third ex started becoming serious about me I told him up front, you ever hit me once, it'll be the LAST time you ever hit me. He found out how serious I was when we had an argument and he forcibly pushed me so I almost fell. I had him removed from the house. I guess he hated me after that, but one thing for sure -- he found out I keep my promises and am true to my word.
And I would NEVER allow a kid to hit anyone.