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Your updates are great and helpful.So I still suck at updating. However, I do have some updates and they aren't the greatest. Fortunately, there's no leftover damage done, but it was concerning.
First off, they've been on and off with playing. Sometimes they love it, sometimes they couldn't care less. I have trouble getting Ember's attention in the morning and she gets distracted easily. She also usually refuses to play with the boys around anymore.
Also, a couple of days ago I witnessed Frost slap Ash. It was a small slap, no harm, no fights. Ash flinched back, but did nothing else so it may seem small, but for them it was huge. In all their six years together, I've seen aggression between them I think twice, both times from Ash and both occasions occurring in the past year or so. So Frost slapping Ash is a pretty big deal, no matter how minor it was.
The next morning I saw Frost lunge at Ember. This is beyond anything he's ever done before. Normally it's a hiss, maybe a slap, but never has he actually gone after her. It was more of a threat than anything, but he did lurch towards her when all she did was walk past him. She didn't even look at him when she did so. She took it very well for such a skittish cat. Tail up and everything. Then she walked past him again and this time he sort of trotted after her as she left my room. He stopped at the doorway, hissed at her, and then left as well. That was the end of it and there have been no other issues. In fact, I later saw Ash playing with Frost and then Ash playing with Ember shortly after which was wonderful to see.
However, I'm afraid that, if Frost keeps this behavior up, we'll be back to where we started. We've come so far to lose all that progress. They've all been getting along so well and I was finally thinking we might actually be able to have a peaceful household once again. They've all been getting along with the dog great. Ash is the only one who retains any weariness of her and he's pretty much completely stopped lashing out when she gets too close. If she gets to riled up near him then he usually takes off, but he'll walk by her and doesn't slap her anymore. And, in turn, she's becoming less fearful of them.
I do actually have a question though, putting everything else aside. Do you think it's possible for a cat to want to be petted by a dog? I have to say, it's really quite adorable. Sometimes Stella will just be standing in the middle of the floor for whatever reason and Ember will get up from wherever she is and walk over to Stella, meowing. Then she flops down right at the dog's feet and rolls over. It's the exact same behavior she does when she wants me to pet her and I just love seeing her try to talk to the dog. I feel bad for Ember though because Stella is still slightly weary of her and will usually turn around and leave the second she realizes the cat isn't just passing by. I told Stella that that was rude of her, but she doesn't care.
I am not too worried about not always playing. I don't like that she isn't playing with the boys anymore but it could be nothing. And later in your post you mention Ash and Ember playing which is GREAT. So it probably is nothing but we need to watch it.
Frost slapping Ash is odd. I have 2 twins, 7 years old. They were always together but when I added another they started be a little more like that. It was never a worry but they separated a bit. I think Frost was telling Ash just don't do what you did (or was thinking of). As long as it didn't last and it didn't change behavior in a negative way then I am not worried but keep trying to associate them with good things and limiting any negative encounters. Keep calm and confident around them and keep letting them know they are loved.
Then Frost lurched at Ember. So a bit more. It sounds like Frost is struggling with something. Confidence, or something. SO we need to watch this. Just keep giving him attention, giving him love, giving him a feeling of security. We need to watch this but it does happen AND since it didn't escalate it isn't too worrying. But it sounds like Frost is a little "off" for some reason. It sounds like Ember handled it well though.
I wonder if something happened when no one was home. Tough to know.
I am not that worried. I LOVE the fact Ash and Frost played and Ash and Ember played after these incidents. That tells me we are fine.
Yes, a cat can totally want affection from a dog. My one cat would rub on the dog constantly. He loved her. The fact Ember rolls around and exposes her belly to what is a moral enemy is an enormous sign of trust. A huge positive sign of their relationship. I wouldn't worry, Ember must be getting what she wants even if it isn't petting. I am really proud of Stella.
I am not worried where we are. We have work to do but it is pretty minor. There are some things we need to fix but overall I think these have been wonderful updates. Let's keep building on the positives.
I should be around for a while now. So hopefully everything is back to normal. Don't worry, we are on a great path.