- Joined
- Jun 20, 2017
- Messages
- 8
- Purraise
- 8
Hello all, I'm having a problem that is just breaking my heart, and I'm not sure if it's worth it to continue anymore. (I'm new here - so I hope I'm not breaking any rules or doing something wrong or posting in the incorrect space. Please forgive me if I am. I'm happy to post elsewhere. I just really need advice).
My husband and I have two three year old boy cats that I adopted together when they were kittens, Roger and Rafa. They've been sweet boys and are very spoiled (I work from home, so am always around to care for them). They are the loves of my life and until now, I've had zero issues with them whatsoever.
However, a few months ago my backyard patio (adjacent to a city alleyway) became a haven of sorts for a small colony of stray and feral cats. Maybe 5-7. Two of them in particular started showing up a lot more, so we started feeding them and caring for them when they came around. We noticed the smaller one may be pregnant, so last March we got her spayed and ear tipped. She's a sweetheart and she let us pet her, came whenever she was called, waited for her food, rubbed against our legs, etc. We called her Ghost - she's a teeny white cat. The other one was a bit more independent, but still came all the time. He was a lot friendlier; he'd jump into my lap, demand attention and head pets, and was overall the friendliest cat I've ever seen. He's a grey tabby, and we named him Greywind. Ghost is probably just under a year old, and Greywind is somewhere between 1-2 years.
Because it's a back alleyway, we have neighbors with properties connected to ours. One in particular is a mean, abusive alcoholic who started making threats against the feral cats out back. We managed to trap one more pregnant cat a few weeks ago (definitely feral), eartipped her, and returned her back there. But I knew it would kill me if anything were to happen to Ghost and Greywind, and Greywind in particular really seemed like he wanted a home (he snuck into my house uninvited once when the door was open!).
So, I recently found a friend to adopt Greywind. We took him and Ghost inside at the same time (last Thursday), into a small "safe" room in the house, and they were really good together. Ghost in particular was much more social with him in there than she was when we took her in for her spay surgery. We got Greywind neutered and vaccinated on Friday, and on Saturday, he went off to live in his new home (where he's adjusting fairly well, all things considered!). But my friend definitely couldn't take two cats - his apartment is too small and his roommate only allowed one.
We decided to keep Ghost. We had been thinking about it for a while, and now that things with my neighbor have escalated, we decided it had to be done. And this is the problem. She's really sweet, curious, and is great about exploring. We let her tentatively come out after two days of being in her safe room, and she hardly ever goes back in there (we still have some rooms closed off to her, and try to keep her in there at nights). She's still skittish and doesn't like being picked up, but she likes being close by me for most part, and she rubs against my legs and purrs when she's pet. I think she'd like to connect to Roger and Rafa since she's (presumably) always lived around other cats - she's seems curious about them, but doesn't invade their space ever. But, Roger and Rafa are not having it.
I've tried so many things. I scent swapped (inconsistently) while she was still an outdoor cat, anticipating we may take her in someday. I'm still keeping up scent swapping. I've tried exchanging rooms, playing with toys with all of them, calming treats, shared feeding times and rooms, clicker training. She's been really, really great about it. But my cats are another story. Rafa in particular wants absolutely nothing to do with her. If I approach him with something that smells like her, he hisses and backs away. They've both taken a few swats at her if she invades their space, and she calmly backs away a few feet and lets them have their space. Rafa is now "stalking" her, and can't seem to stay focused on anything like food or toys if he suspects he's around. Roger is more tolerant, and has licked her head and touched noses with her on a couple occasions, but then will later hiss to mark his territory if she approaches him.
Today my heart just broke when I opened the back door to the alley (where Ghost and Greywind used to live). She immediately started meowing and tried to jump through the screen. She kept this up for over 10-15 minutes. I had a little bit of a break down after that. I feel like I've been trying so hard to make them all feel happy and safe and loved. It's truly all I think about. I love this sweet new girl, but I also love Roger and Rafa so much and never wanted them to feel anxious or stressed about this. I also feel a constant sense of guilt for separating her and Greywind, and also sadness at missing Greywind, who I really feel like I bonded with in the past few months. And today, seeing how much she wants to be in her old home, and how much my cats want her also to be in her own home, it's just too much.
I'm wondering if anyone has any success stories or advice, or if maybe you think it's time I let Ghost go.
Thank you for reading. I sincerely appreciate any and all thoughts and words on this.
My husband and I have two three year old boy cats that I adopted together when they were kittens, Roger and Rafa. They've been sweet boys and are very spoiled (I work from home, so am always around to care for them). They are the loves of my life and until now, I've had zero issues with them whatsoever.
However, a few months ago my backyard patio (adjacent to a city alleyway) became a haven of sorts for a small colony of stray and feral cats. Maybe 5-7. Two of them in particular started showing up a lot more, so we started feeding them and caring for them when they came around. We noticed the smaller one may be pregnant, so last March we got her spayed and ear tipped. She's a sweetheart and she let us pet her, came whenever she was called, waited for her food, rubbed against our legs, etc. We called her Ghost - she's a teeny white cat. The other one was a bit more independent, but still came all the time. He was a lot friendlier; he'd jump into my lap, demand attention and head pets, and was overall the friendliest cat I've ever seen. He's a grey tabby, and we named him Greywind. Ghost is probably just under a year old, and Greywind is somewhere between 1-2 years.
Because it's a back alleyway, we have neighbors with properties connected to ours. One in particular is a mean, abusive alcoholic who started making threats against the feral cats out back. We managed to trap one more pregnant cat a few weeks ago (definitely feral), eartipped her, and returned her back there. But I knew it would kill me if anything were to happen to Ghost and Greywind, and Greywind in particular really seemed like he wanted a home (he snuck into my house uninvited once when the door was open!).
So, I recently found a friend to adopt Greywind. We took him and Ghost inside at the same time (last Thursday), into a small "safe" room in the house, and they were really good together. Ghost in particular was much more social with him in there than she was when we took her in for her spay surgery. We got Greywind neutered and vaccinated on Friday, and on Saturday, he went off to live in his new home (where he's adjusting fairly well, all things considered!). But my friend definitely couldn't take two cats - his apartment is too small and his roommate only allowed one.
We decided to keep Ghost. We had been thinking about it for a while, and now that things with my neighbor have escalated, we decided it had to be done. And this is the problem. She's really sweet, curious, and is great about exploring. We let her tentatively come out after two days of being in her safe room, and she hardly ever goes back in there (we still have some rooms closed off to her, and try to keep her in there at nights). She's still skittish and doesn't like being picked up, but she likes being close by me for most part, and she rubs against my legs and purrs when she's pet. I think she'd like to connect to Roger and Rafa since she's (presumably) always lived around other cats - she's seems curious about them, but doesn't invade their space ever. But, Roger and Rafa are not having it.
I've tried so many things. I scent swapped (inconsistently) while she was still an outdoor cat, anticipating we may take her in someday. I'm still keeping up scent swapping. I've tried exchanging rooms, playing with toys with all of them, calming treats, shared feeding times and rooms, clicker training. She's been really, really great about it. But my cats are another story. Rafa in particular wants absolutely nothing to do with her. If I approach him with something that smells like her, he hisses and backs away. They've both taken a few swats at her if she invades their space, and she calmly backs away a few feet and lets them have their space. Rafa is now "stalking" her, and can't seem to stay focused on anything like food or toys if he suspects he's around. Roger is more tolerant, and has licked her head and touched noses with her on a couple occasions, but then will later hiss to mark his territory if she approaches him.
Today my heart just broke when I opened the back door to the alley (where Ghost and Greywind used to live). She immediately started meowing and tried to jump through the screen. She kept this up for over 10-15 minutes. I had a little bit of a break down after that. I feel like I've been trying so hard to make them all feel happy and safe and loved. It's truly all I think about. I love this sweet new girl, but I also love Roger and Rafa so much and never wanted them to feel anxious or stressed about this. I also feel a constant sense of guilt for separating her and Greywind, and also sadness at missing Greywind, who I really feel like I bonded with in the past few months. And today, seeing how much she wants to be in her old home, and how much my cats want her also to be in her own home, it's just too much.
I'm wondering if anyone has any success stories or advice, or if maybe you think it's time I let Ghost go.
Thank you for reading. I sincerely appreciate any and all thoughts and words on this.
so they didn't really work for us, but it might be worth a try for yours. Is an outdoor enclosure a possibility for you so that Ghost could still enjoy the outdoors, but be safe? It doesn't have to be big, it could even be a window box. Search 'catio' or 'cat enclosure' on this site and you'll see some ideas.
Thank you for the update! You are doing a great job! 
