Rant: I Have Failed And Will Probably Never Recover

[Jcatbird]

Yeah but the massive amounts of sleep is actually making me more depressed as I feel I am getting nothing done/no productivity. Even if I am healing my mind by sleeping.

Thank you for the suggestions with the webcams. I sometimes tune in on kitty/cat cams when I have some downtime. Never really tried other animals. Although I wouldn’t ever go out of my way to harm another animal species, I only really like felines (both small and big). My favourite big cat is the lynx... even if they are small .

There is a rescue zoo pretty closeby that has a backstage pass thing and one of my bucket list items is to do that tour and get to pet either a lynx or tiger. Right now they have tiger cubs but I don’t have the money required. I am really envious of the people posting their photos petting them...

(Generally petting big cats is bad and frowned upon, but these big cats were rescued from bad situations and are used to teach and no plan to reintroduce them.)

I think that setting a future goal of something you have been wanting to do is a good idea. Even if you just put away a small amount each week. Reaching that goal eventually would be exciting! Long, long ago I got to hold a baby lion. Also a rescue. It was just luck in the way it happened but I can see why you would want to hold a big cat.
As for the sleeping, it will stop in time. Allow yourself that time. I strongly suggest you go for a little time in the sunshine each day or just a little night air. Nature is the best thing that I know of to lift your spirits for free. Take a look around and just notice the sun, stars, Flowers or anything near you.

-Good point for the non-dry food, but in the first years I had my cats, complete wet food were widely unavailable, at least in my country.
-Both my cats were spayed as soon as possible. Lola was spayed at 7 months, Pallina a few days after I had found her (she was 9 months then).
-I kept a journal in the last years. I would log in if they weren't fine, every anomaly. I weighed her frequently, I'd say at least 7 times a year. Keeping track of more data would have been time consuming and pretty useless.
In the last months of Lola I would log the amount of food at every meal.
I the last year of Pallina I would also log the daily water consumption, and the number of poops...
Logging the body temperature often would be an unbearable stress for the kitties.
I would also write down every single cent spent for them.
-I have lots of photos and videos of them, but they are never enough.

I don't know what I wouldn't do again, because I don't know where I went wrong. That's why I don't feel I'm safe with a kitten now...
Why did my sweet Lola get three cancers? Why did she get a rare disease too?
Pallina had HT, was it triggered by the sun cream that I would spread on her ears in the hottest months? Did it give the start to her pancreas and liver issues?
Hadn't I spread that sun cream, would she have gotten a skin cancer on her ears? What was the best thing to do?

Please understand that you did nothing wrong. You did not! I have followed you a long time and I know that you were the best cat Dad anyone could have ever wanted. You know how much I cherish my kitties. I would trust you with each one of them. That’s how much confidence I have in your skills and heart.

To both of you here, your wonderful hearts are hurting now but they are needed more than I can possibly convey through words. I have been working alone just to save kitty lives for a long time. I’d give a lot to have either of you here to help. I searched for months to find ways to get people to foster or adopt. I pleaded for help while the cats were at risk. NO one would take in a kitty. I started bringing them inside to save them but there were sooo many! I could not work fast enough. After months of searching, some people like you began to step forward. The weight began to be lifted from my heart. All the kitties needed to stay alive a little longer was a home and love. I’m still trying but thanks to people like you, most have been saved. You have no idea how rare your devotion and love are in this world. Love and care are all anyone can do.
You did everything RIGHT!
Just allow yourself to be human and keep loving.
To me, you are already heros!

 

[Furballsmom]

To me, you are already heros!

exactly so

 

[Antonio65]

Please understand that you did nothing wrong. You did not! I have followed you a long time and I know that you were the best cat Dad anyone could have ever wanted. You know how much I cherish my kitties. I would trust you with each one of them. That’s how much confidence I have in your skills and heart.

Your words moved me to tears!
Thanks is not enough to make you understand and feel my appreciation for your words.
This is the second time in two days (one was in real life) that someone tells me that they trust me deeply. I'm moved, really!

To me, you are already heros!

Again, thanks, it means a lot to me

 

[Antonio65]

exactly so

 

[Jcatbird]

I meant every word of it. I don’t trust many people with my cats, but I do trust you. Anyone who has shown the level of care and the amount of time, resources and love you pour into all the kitties is someone I welcome into my world. I don’t use these words lightly.
Feliscatus too.

 

[Antonio65]

I meant every word of it. I don’t trust many people with my cats, but I do trust you. Anyone who has shown the level of care and the amount of time, resources and love you pour into all the kitties is someone I welcome into my world. I don’t use these words lightly.
Feliscatus too.

Again