Rant: I Have Failed And Will Probably Never Recover

[FelisCatus]

The best tribute you can give to your past cats is to give a good home to another cat in need. Anyone who cares this much will be a good owner, better than most cats get. Even if their lives aren't as long as we would like, we can make those lives happy. Much happier than living on the streets or in a shelter especially.

Although I myself might not want to have my own cat, I am already looking into fostering kittens with the upcoming kitten season:
Kitten Season Fostering

I want to honour my now passed on little girl by converting the room she spent most of her time in to a kitten fostering room.

 

[FelisCatus]

I remember this same emotional turmoil caring for my terminally-ill cat, who was my beloved partner of 19 years. I felt absolute desperation, and a sickening helplessness. I did everything that I could, but I couldn't save her. I just couldn't save her. I would have sold my soul to the devil to save her, but there was no devil to make that bargain. I wish that I could sugar-coat this, but it was the most traumatic thing that I have ever gone through. I didn't truly recover, but the passage of time has blunted the memories. I avoid thinking about it. Even just writing this, I started to cry, and she died in 2011. The hole is still there, and part of me changed permanently. I looked straight into the eyes of death, a horrified witness, and I felt a piece of my own soul snuffed out.

I thought that I would never have a cat again. I told my husband that I could never go through that again. Several years went by. I never, never would have taken the initiative to go adopt a new cat. But then one day, my co-worker stuck a photo in my face, a photo of a tiny black kitten, and said "Do you know someone who wants a kitten? I need to find a home for it." It was mere days from the third anniversary of cat's death--my black cat. I instantly thought: this is a sign. This is the sign.

I fretted over it. Could I handle having a cat again? Could I go through the anguish again? But there was the sign. A little black kitten needed my help. I listened to the whole story of the little kitten and her sister. Two kittens in a shoe box found abandoned. Where is the second kitten, I asked? The second kitten had already found a permanent home. After several days of thought, the feeling that it should be MY kitten kept growing larger and larger, so I took the wee black kitten, who was probably no more than 6 weeks old. I couldn't stop thinking about the second kitten, the sister! I had a strong feeling that the second kitten should be mine. I kept asking my co-worker about the other kitten, and how that new home was working out. Apparently, not so good, and I jumped on the opportunity and said "I would love to have the other kitten too. Can you let the owner know that I have offered to take her?" And that's how I ended up with my two shoe box sister cats, even though I thought that I would never get another cat. I needed the magical sign of the black cat. I needed a kitten or two to just fall in my lap. The only thing better than a kitten is two kittens.

Did I make the right choice?

I remember you posted pictures of the cuties the other day, they sure do look happy to be with you.

What kind of research/changes have you made with these two compared to your prior cat(s)?

I personally would:
-never feed dry food again (unless there's a medical reason), even then ask for an alternative
-get them spayed/neutered as soon as possible
-keep a journal of their bodily/well being. I track their weight, temp, feel for any lumps, hydration level, bodily movements, eating, playfulness
-take a billion pictures/videos and back them up
-have dedicated scheduled play time with them at least once a week

and I am already looking into:
-replacing our clumping litter with pellets or smart grass, as apparently clumping can cause cancer/illnesses

As much as it breaks me to say this, since I don't want my previous cats to just be lessons, as long as you are making changes you most likely made the right choice, yes.

 

[FelisCatus]

Although I myself might not want to have my own cat, I am already looking into fostering kittens with the upcoming kitten season:
Kitten Season Fostering

I want to honour my now passed on little girl by converting the room she spent most of her time in to a kitten fostering room.

I wanted to point out this does not mean I am over anything. I had a bad cry session after I got home from work while one of my cats came up to me. I broke down and remember saying stuff like 'I would give anything to see my cat again'.

So far I still have some movies/games to keep me occupied but I am very afraid of my thoughts for when I run out of things to do/get bored. I have also been sleeping an insane amount.

 

[Furballsmom]

Keep looking at the suggestions in your threads of things to do. Sleeping is part of things as well.

 

[FelisCatus]

Keep looking at the suggestions in your threads of things to do. Sleeping is part of things as well.

I think the sleeping is actually making things worse, as it’s been exactly one week since she passed away and I have slept probably 13 hours a day...

Sleep -> work -> eat/shower -> play/watch for 10 mins -> fall asleep snuggling my other cats and crying until the morning and repeat.

It’s beyond depressing. I never slept this much in my life.

 

[kittyluv387]

I think the sleeping is actually making things worse, as it’s been exactly one week since she passed away and I have slept probably 13 hours a day...

Sleep -> work -> eat/shower -> play/watch for 10 mins -> fall asleep snuggling my other cats and crying until the morning and repeat.

It’s beyond depressing. I never slept this much in my life.

I think you need to keep busy. Hopefully that foster stuff goes through soon.

 

[FelisCatus]

I think you need to keep busy. Hopefully that foster stuff goes through soon.

I am waiting to recuperate a bit of finances after spending so much trying to save my kitty cat. I’ll probably be able to buy a new game or go somewhere in a month or so.

 

[Antonio65]

Oh wow.. that must have cost you quite a lot. Here recovering a few hundred GBs of data would go into the hundreds of dollars.

It was about 1.5/2 TB of stuff, the cost was in the region of the thousand euro!
But I had photos that can't be re-shot and other documents that were very important.
It was the year before my world went upside down... Had it happened a year later I should have given up, my cat's health was far more important than the files!

I could yes, but I have about 1.5 TB of photos/videos/documents/projects that I would need to back-up. Creating 150 accounts seems unrealistic.

Yes, you're right!
I think I did the right thing when I bought (the next day after the recovery) a NAS with two HDD's that work in mirror mode.
All my files are on there, every file has an automatic copy on the mirror disk.
It's still not 100% fail-proof, because the NAS could explode, or be stolen. The optimum would be a second NAS at somebody else's home, with the over-the-net sync.
I think I'm working on it...

 

[Bird]

What kind of research/changes have you made with these two compared to your prior cat(s)?

I personally would:
-never feed dry food again (unless there's a medical reason), even then ask for an alternative
-get them spayed/neutered as soon as possible
-keep a journal of their bodily/well being. I track their weight, temp, feel for any lumps, hydration level, bodily movements, eating, playfulness
-take a billion pictures/videos and back them up
-have dedicated scheduled play time with them at least once a week

and I am already looking into:
-replacing our clumping litter with pellets or smart grass, as apparently clumping can cause cancer/illnesses

As much as it breaks me to say this, since I don't want my previous cats to just be lessons, as long as you are making changes you most likely made the right choice, yes.

 

[FelisCatus]

It was about 1.5/2 TB of stuff, the cost was in the region of the thousand euro!

That cost doesn't surprise me one bit... it's scary to think about.
The problem I am running into is comparing short term cost vs. long term. Kind of like insurance.

I could pay $20 a month for enough cloud storage which would be $240 CAD a year
or buy a 3TB hard drive every single year with that.

But with cloud storage it is always available, and with Apple they make multiple back ups for you and it doesn't cost extra or use up any of your space..

It was the year before my world went upside down... Had it happened a year later I should have given up, my cat's health was far more important than the files!

For myself personally, the files are just as important. As I am afraid I will get Alzheimer's or some kind of memory loss soon and forget what I hold dear. My memory for some reason has gotten a lot worse the past few years. I have begun to write down stories/facts about my life because I am afraid I will forget all of the fun times I had with my family.

Yes, you're right!
I think I did the right thing when I bought (the next day after the recovery) a NAS with two HDD's that work in mirror mode.
All my files are on there, every file has an automatic copy on the mirror disk.
It's still not 100% fail-proof, because the NAS could explode, or be stolen. The optimum would be a second NAS at somebody else's home, with the over-the-net sync.
I think I'm working on it...

Currently I have a huge external that houses everything, and then I have a smaller external that houses the most important stuff (as not everything would fit). These are both very light and accessible and I could grab them if a fire broke out. If someone broke in and stole them, or they both broke down... that would be it.

I also have 200 gb of cloud storage with Apple ($5 CAD a month). That is not nearly enough...

 

[FelisCatus]

...

Did your message get cut off?

 

[Bird]

What kind of research/changes have you made with these two compared to your prior cat(s)?

I personally would:
-never feed dry food again (unless there's a medical reason), even then ask for an alternative
-get them spayed/neutered as soon as possible
-keep a journal of their bodily/well being. I track their weight, temp, feel for any lumps, hydration level, bodily movements, eating, playfulness
-take a billion pictures/videos and back them up
-have dedicated scheduled play time with them at least once a week

and I am already looking into:
-replacing our clumping litter with pellets or smart grass, as apparently clumping can cause cancer/illnesses

As much as it breaks me to say this, since I don't want my previous cats to just be lessons, as long as you are making changes you most likely made the right choice, yes.

Good question. I adopted Cleo in 1992 and she died in 2011. A lot changed during that long time frame. The internet barely existed in 1992, so you couldn’t research cat issues. The pet food industry was different. You went to the grocery store and bought Friskies kibble and assumed that was okay. Cleo was in good health her whole life (including perfect clean teeth) until she was diagnosed as being in the early stages of Chronic Renal Failure around the age of 16 or 17, and she died at 19. I got lucky. She had good genes.

What is different now? What did I learn?
— I am my cat’s best advocate. I no longer believe everything a vet tells me. For significant medical issues, I will consult with at least two vets at different locations, and always with a specialist. I do the online research, consult with the vets, digest all the information available to me, then make the health decisions that are best for my cat.
— Diet is critically important and hard to get right. I have a very different diet philosophy now than 25 years ago. Cat food has changed a lot in the last 10 years, and it just keeps changing! I’m trying to keep up. I currently believe that a wet food, high protein, low phosphorus, grain-free, fish-free diet is best. I look at ingredient labels.
— I don’t trust prescription diets.
— My cats need new stimuli periodically, even ones as simple as new cardboard boxes, or crinkle paper, or a straw.
— Learning in Process: I need to do better with teeth cleaning. I now have a cat with tartar issues, and so I need to do better.

 

[FelisCatus]

Good question. I adopted Cleo in 1992 and she died in 2011. A lot changed during that long time frame. The internet barely existed in 1992, so you couldn’t research cat issues. The pet food industry was different. You went to the grocery store and bought Friskies kibble and assumed that was okay. Cleo was in good health her whole life (including perfect clean teeth) until she was diagnosed as being in the early stages of Chronic Renal Failure around the age of 16 or 17, and she died at 19. I got lucky. She had good genes.

What is different now? What did I learn?
— I am my cat’s best advocate. I no longer believe everything a vet tells me. For significant medical issues, I will consult with at least two vets at different locations, and always with a specialist. I do the online research, consult with the vets, digest all the information available to me, then make the health decisions that are best for my cat.
— Diet is critically important and hard to get right. I have a very different diet philosophy now than 25 years ago. Cat food has changed a lot in the last 10 years, and it just keeps changing! I’m trying to keep up. I currently believe that a wet food, high protein, low phosphorus, grain-free, fish-free diet is best. I look at ingredient labels.
— I don’t trust prescription diets.
— My cats need new stimuli periodically, even ones as simple as new cardboard boxes, or crinkle paper, or a straw.
— Learning in Process: I need to do better with teeth cleaning. I now have a cat with tartar issues, and so I need to do better.

Looks like you’ve already answered your own question then, yes you made the right choice by taking in your current 2 kitty cats .

I am actually quit angry at myself for being naive and the pet food industry for misleading us (and still trying to mislead a lot of people). I always assumed dry food was okay back in the 90s and yep barely any Internet posts back then as you mentioned. No one said anything to me. Dry food should be banned unless there’s extreme circumstances or for shelters on a budget.

I forgot to add I need to take my cats teeth cleaning into my hands... thanks for reminding me! I have been meaning to do research and ordering a teeth cleaning set sometime soon.

I wouldn’t want to be the cause of them getting tartar buildup, having gum issues and then teeth pulled out. If it’s genetics sure... but if it’s pure laziness on my part, that is unforgivable.

 

[Furballsmom]

I meant the sleeping a lot is often simply part of the process, in that it is literally how the mind heals itself. Good, bad or otherwise, it is what it is, and how long that takes is different for everyone.


By the way, I wanted to talk about the webcams a little more, because these are a long way beyond just sitting and watching a video clip of a squirrel hanging on for dear life to one of those spinning squirrel-deterrent bird feeders.

The chat rooms that are associated with most of these are moderated, and full of fun, smart, knowledgeable people.

From TCS member LTS3, "Explore.org has tons of wildlife and pet web cams "

and for example www bellahummingbird com

When something is happening, such as the Kodiak bears feeding in Alaska during the salmon runs,

the sandhill crane migration every March on the Platte River in Nebraska; Rowe Sanctuary Crane Cam (450,000 birds - unless they've updated/upgraded their camera hardware the streaming isn't as good as some, but it's still awesome),

or the baby hummingbird fledge yesterday in California, these are extremely interesting. --I literally was walking around the house with my phone in my hand streaming the video whenever I had to step away from the computer and the chat so I didn't miss it.

Think about these when you're able to, give them a try, and the other nice thing, it doesn't cost a dime other than the use of your own computer equipment

 

[Antonio65]

I personally would:
-never feed dry food again (unless there's a medical reason), even then ask for an alternative
-get them spayed/neutered as soon as possible
-keep a journal of their bodily/well being. I track their weight, temp, feel for any lumps, hydration level, bodily movements, eating, playfulness
-take a billion pictures/videos and back them up
-have dedicated scheduled play time with them at least once a week

-Good point for the non-dry food, but in the first years I had my cats, complete wet food were widely unavailable, at least in my country.
-Both my cats were spayed as soon as possible. Lola was spayed at 7 months, Pallina a few days after I had found her (she was 9 months then).
-I kept a journal in the last years. I would log in if they weren't fine, every anomaly. I weighed her frequently, I'd say at least 7 times a year. Keeping track of more data would have been time consuming and pretty useless.
In the last months of Lola I would log the amount of food at every meal.
I the last year of Pallina I would also log the daily water consumption, and the number of poops...
Logging the body temperature often would be an unbearable stress for the kitties.
I would also write down every single cent spent for them.
-I have lots of photos and videos of them, but they are never enough.

I don't know what I wouldn't do again, because I don't know where I went wrong. That's why I don't feel I'm safe with a kitten now...
Why did my sweet Lola get three cancers? Why did she get a rare disease too?
Pallina had HT, was it triggered by the sun cream that I would spread on her ears in the hottest months? Did it give the start to her pancreas and liver issues?
Hadn't I spread that sun cream, would she have gotten a skin cancer on her ears? What was the best thing to do?

 

[Furballsmom]

No one has all the answers. Illness occurs in some cases, with cats, humans, horses, dogs, no matter what we do, or don't do. Forgive me for saying this, --I'm not trying to be a meanie, but the plain truth is that we aren't deities.

However, we do have a lot more knowledge now than we did, and with that in hand we can move forward even if it feels like slogging through mud at first.

That's our mission as human beings, to take care of those who are still around us and with us, and to put to use whatever knowledge we are provided through these life lessons, even when those lessons are incredibly harsh.

 

[Willowy]

I don't know what I wouldn't do again, because I don't know where I went wrong. That's why I don't feel I'm safe with a kitten now...

Your feelings are what they are, and I'm not trying to talk you out of them or into anything you aren't ready for. But look. Life is life. We can't control everything. There are very few things we have any control over. We definitely don't have any control over which cells mutate to become cancer. It just happens. Sure, some things make that mutation more likely, and we can try to avoid those things, but in the end we still don't have any control over what our cells, or our cats' cells, do.

Unless you are abusive or neglectful, any kitty would be glad to live with you .

 

[FelisCatus]

Your feelings are what they are, and I'm not trying to talk you out of them or into anything you aren't ready for. But look. Life is life. We can't control everything. There are very few things we have any control over. We definitely don't have any control over which cells mutate to become cancer. It just happens. Sure, some things make that mutation more likely, and we can try to avoid those things, but in the end we still don't have any control over what our cells, or our cats' cells, do.

Unless you are abusive or neglectful, any kitty would be glad to live with you .

Definitely agreeing with Willowy on this, you are one of the good ones.

 

[FelisCatus]

I meant the sleeping a lot is often simply part of the process, in that it is literally how the mind heals itself. Good, bad or otherwise, it is what it is, and how long that takes is different for everyone.


By the way, I wanted to talk about the webcams a little more, because these are a long way beyond just sitting and watching a video clip of a squirrel hanging on for dear life to one of those spinning squirrel-deterrent bird feeders.

The chat rooms that are associated with most of these are moderated, and full of fun, smart, knowledgeable people.

From TCS member LTS3, "Explore.org has tons of wildlife and pet web cams "

and for example www bellahummingbird com

When something is happening, such as the Kodiak bears feeding in Alaska during the salmon runs,

the sandhill crane migration every March on the Platte River in Nebraska; Rowe Sanctuary Crane Cam (450,000 birds - unless they've updated/upgraded their camera hardware the streaming isn't as good as some, but it's still awesome),

or the baby hummingbird fledge yesterday in California, these are extremely interesting. --I literally was walking around the house with my phone in my hand streaming the video whenever I had to step away from the computer and the chat so I didn't miss it.

Think about these when you're able to, give them a try, and the other nice thing, it doesn't cost a dime other than the use of your own computer equipment

Yeah but the massive amounts of sleep is actually making me more depressed as I feel I am getting nothing done/no productivity. Even if I am healing my mind by sleeping.

Thank you for the suggestions with the webcams. I sometimes tune in on kitty/cat cams when I have some downtime. Never really tried other animals. Although I wouldn’t ever go out of my way to harm another animal species, I only really like felines (both small and big). My favourite big cat is the lynx... even if they are small .

There is a rescue zoo pretty closeby that has a backstage pass thing and one of my bucket list items is to do that tour and get to pet either a lynx or tiger. Right now they have tiger cubs but I don’t have the money required. I am really envious of the people posting their photos petting them...

(Generally petting big cats is bad and frowned upon, but these big cats were rescued from bad situations and are used to teach and no plan to reintroduce them.)

 

[Furballsmom]

My favourite big cat is the lynx... even if they are small .