Rant: I Have Failed And Will Probably Never Recover

[Max's Human]

My former neighbors (from Mexico) in their ignorance told me cats are associated with WITCHCRAFT!!! Until we can teach people that witchcraft was also blamed if you didn't drown, during witch hunts in SALEM. IF you drowned, you were innocent, a little too late, however! Look at diets in general, people (heartdisease, cancer, etc) and likewise for pets alot of science and research improve their diets however slowly..Outliving them hurts EVERYTIME, but without you, what would their lives have been Like? I cried and cried even when I lost my mouse to a tumor, and they do not naturally live long the bottom of the food chain. But she had someone who loved her no matter how short we shared OUR LIVES, and for that my life was enriched and so many childhood memories...my Himalayan kitten died at 9 months, from feline leukemia, just after having her spayed! I thought I would never get another pet, the heartache was gutwretching!! Turns out the FRIEND that left her on my doorstep had a husband that wanted to kill her when the prognosis was so grim!!! We had precious months together a and learned how much love we shared till the end! Love is meant to be shared and even after my many losses I have much more to share and if we look deep inside we are natural lovers of babies and creatures, once we give them a chance! The folks here are compassionate, loving and will help through thick and thin!! Oh and willing to help no matter what you need.

 

[FelisCatus]

My former neighbors (from Mexico) in their ignorance told me cats are associated with WITCHCRAFT!!! Until we can teach people that witchcraft was also blamed if you didn't drown, during witch hunts in SALEM. IF you drowned, you were innocent, a little too late, however! Look at diets in general, people (heartdisease, cancer, etc) and likewise for pets alot of science and research improve their diets however slowly..Outliving them hurts EVERYTIME, but without you, what would their lives have been Like? I cried and cried even when I lost my mouse to a tumor, and they do not naturally live long the bottom of the food chain. But she had someone who loved her no matter how short we shared OUR LIVES, and for that my life was enriched and so many childhood memories...my Himalayan kitten died at 9 months, from feline leukemia, just after having her spayed! I thought I would never get another pet, the heartache was gutwretching!! Turns out the FRIEND that left her on my doorstep had a husband that wanted to kill her when the prognosis was so grim!!! We had precious months together a and learned how much love we shared till the end! Love is meant to be shared and even after my many losses I have much more to share and if we look deep inside we are natural lovers of babies and creatures, once we give them a chance! The folks here are compassionate, loving and will help through thick and thin!! Oh and willing to help no matter what you need.

I actually wanted to bring up the Witchcraft part, but thought it was so long ago it didn’t matter anymore.... guess some cultures are still shook by cats? I know in Belgium they throw cats off of balconies for one of their fesitvales... at least now they use plushies for the most part (Kattenstoet - Wikipedia).

I understand that your kitty cat had FeLV and that with such a serious condition her life wouldn’t have been long regardless. What hurts the most for me though is reading about all of these cats living 17+ years. Had I spayed her when she was young her chances would have been much higher to reach those years. She isn’t even 13 yet... even the feral cat in @lavishsqualor featured article is 15 years old (and luckily made the ordeal out alive). Neutering (and good care) must have played a part in that. Meanwhile here I am a self-proclaimed cat lover with a kitty cat who is suffering because of me.

(Going back to witchcraft) If there was such a thing as witches or demons and making deals with them was possible, would give up a large portion of my life to give her a few more years to live.

 

[Furballsmom]

But, this is the thing, had you spayed her earlier, you have no absolute hard-and-fast way of knowing exactly what difference it would or would not have made in the length, or quality of your cats life. There are so many other factors that come in to play.

 

[FelisCatus]

But, this is the thing, had you spayed her earlier, you have no absolute hard-and-fast way of knowing exactly what difference it would or would not have made in the length, or quality of your cats life. There are so many other factors that come in to play.

One thing that I don’t understand about cats is... are they by nature/genetically flawed? The term around here (Ontario) for spaying/neutering or desexing is also synonymous with ‘fixing’ a cat. If humans were never around and female cats went into heat a lot with no relief (mate) they have a high chance of mammary cancer... that is beyond ridiculous. Wherein female cats go into heat, no mating = overload of hormones = higher chance of cancer. Are cats the only animal like this?

Whether cats were created by a higher power or evolved the way they are, that seems like a flaw.

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It makes me think of myself as a human, if I do not do the deed either with another human being or self-relief, myself as a male apparently has a higher chance of prostate cancer:

Sex, Masturbation, and Prostate Cancer: What’s the Link?

 

[KarenKat]

I think the reason cats mate and reproduce so much is the mortality rate “in the wild” is so high - think of all the adorable stories of kittens saved by people that would not have survived otherwise. The cold, predators, fading kitten syndrome, fights with other cats, disease ....

Generally nature did not expect cats to survive very long so it hedged it’s bets and gave them a lot of options. Because of that, I assume that cats have not evolved to bodies that are resistant to cancers. Humans have greatly increased life expectancy, so we get into more long term illnesses.

That’s my theory anyway.

 

[FelisCatus]

I think the reason cats mate and reproduce so much is the mortality rate “in the wild” is so high - think of all the adorable stories of kittens saved by people that would not have survived otherwise. The cold, predators, fading kitten syndrome, fights with other cats, disease ....

Generally nature did not expect cats to survive very long so it hedged it’s bets and gave them a lot of options. Because of that, I assume that cats have not evolved to bodies that are resistant to cancers. Humans have greatly increased life expectancy, so we get into more long term illnesses.

That’s my theory anyway.

Oh... I like this theory a lot actually.

On the other hand though older cats get similar diseases as humans do like dementia/senile.

Not that long ago humans only lived to 40-50 years old and they didn’t run into alzheimers and such. Makes me sad to think what other diseases cats will get as their lifespan increases too...

 

[Willowy]

Yes, cats are made to have lots of babies, live fast, die young. It's just that we like to keep our pets around longer than nature intends.

 

[FelisCatus]

Yes, cats are made to have lots of babies, live fast, die young. It's just that we like to keep our pets around longer than nature intends.

I wonder if CRISPR gene editing will ever be used on our pets as well (at least for the insanely rich).

I feel I have completely derailed this entire thread from my original post, lol.

 

[Max's Human]

I remember years and years ago I went to work and it was obvious I've been up all night crying because I had a kitty that died and one of my co-workers meant well and she said she was sorry about my kitty. And then she did the human thing opened her mouth and made me want to throttle her, I don't understand getting all excited about the death of an animal it's not like it's your child or anyting! The thing she didn't realize was that MISTY, was my child and it was something that no matter how many times you go through it never gets easier every one of them hurts or at least if you LOVE really truly LOVE them every one of them hurts it never gets easier. I have love and compassion for living things that cannot just walk into a clinic and express where the pain is. I feel that this is one of my jobs, to help those that cannot help themselves. I do not have children but my heart belongs to furkids of all shapes,and sizes and if I have room, the more the merrier. We are all learning and hopefully treat our babies according to the latest health info we know of. We have done what we were taught was what was best at the time, although mom always tossed healthy veggies in our dogs food and people thought she was odd but who's to say a few carrots or a few pieces of broccoli or a bad thing?

 

[di and bob]

You can't hold guilt if there was no intent.....just because you know/learned something now, it means to use it in the future, you can't go back and change the past. I cringe when I think of some of the things I did to my animals in the past, I don't think there is one of us that has been perfect in animal care. the ignorance of youth is just that, it takes maturity to truly understand and appreciate the world around you. It is likely that having your cat spayed earlier wouldn't change a thing. It may have been in her genes, heredity plays a big part in illness and life span. I have had blind, deaf feral toms live to 15, when their lifespan is supposed to be counted on one hand. It hurts, it hurts bad. But don't put blame on yourself. all you have done is love,and that can't be wrong. I know that your little ones would never want you to feel this way, live your life as you would want them to live if you were the first to go, I know you wouldn't wish this on anyone. There will always be advancements in care, there will always be things that we are doing now that will be proved to be wrong. But we all just keep going, doing the best we can with what we have at the moment.....

 

[FelisCatus]

I have been giving this quite some thought over the past few days and I think I have arrived at the conclusion.

I will still foster cats after all of my current ones leave this world (in hopefully 15+ years), but I would not “own” anymore.

This way I am still helping cats in need, but I do not get overly attached to them since they will eventually be adopted out... but then I hear all the foster fail stories of foster homes getting too attached and adopting the kitty cats... .

My wife supports whatever decision I make as long as I do not shut myself out for love.

 

[kittyluv387]

I have been giving this quite some thought over the past few days and I think I have arrived at the conclusion.

I will still foster cats after all of my current ones leave this world (in hopefully 15+ years), but I would not “own” anymore.

This way I am still helping cats in need, but I do not get overly attached to them since they will eventually be adopted out... but then I hear all the foster fail stories of foster homes getting too attached and adopting the kitty cats... .

My wife supports whatever decision I make as long as I do not shut myself out for love.

That’s a pretty good compromise. Fostering is wonderful and so needed.

 

[di and bob]

You could also go to your local shelter and volunteer to socialize kittens and those that need it, they always need help.....I think your decision is a fine one, like my own because I am getting old and don't want to leave a little one behind. As long as you can make yourself believe that they are going to a wonderful forever home, and they are, you will be alright. There are people out there just like yourself with lots of love to offer!

 

[catsknowme]

It doesn’t help that there are lots of misconceptions about cats like sucking the air out of babies and such... and that black cats are unlucky (at least in NA). My black kitty cat brings me nothing but happiness.

May I ask what people you were referring to on your dads side? Like specific aboriginal tribes? Up here in Ontario the aboriginals hunt (Canadian) lynxes to eat and their fur. You can find these videos on youtube too...

My dad's maternal side is Payomkawichun aka San Luiseno, from the Pala/Pechanga bands. His paternal grandmother was Yaqui from San Diego/Baja California (she lived in downtown San Diego but returned to Baja to have her kids & returned when the kids were 2 years: they were officially Mexican citizens and not kidnapped to Indian school.
I have a lot of black cats. Some of the people from Great Britain that I have met consider black cats to be lucky.

 

[Jcatbird]

The world views cats in different ways in different areas. I have discussed this with others. I’m some places black cats are thought to bring good fortune of wealth.
I’ve been reading all the posts here and it’s my own feeling that just being somewhere that we can give love and assistance as well as educating others is what counts in the end. Truthfull, we own nothing in the end but we leave much behind. Make your best mark while you can. I had a child who had health issues. She taught me to love greatly, temeber and store away every second and spread the love as well as to educate. She is gone but her inspiration lives on in every one she touched. Her smiles still grace every day for me. Is it hard missing her? Yes, but that's when I take stock of all the things that went right. We can never guess what might come. Some things just happen. We can only do the best we can with what we have. You should never hold any guilt. Just keep loving. I promise your kitty does! They can teach us. I hope all goes sweet and loving for you. There are still some very good humans out here working against the bad ones. Take hope and run with it!

 

[FelisCatus]

You could also go to your local shelter and volunteer to socialize kittens and those that need it, they always need help.....I think your decision is a fine one, like my own because I am getting old and don't want to leave a little one behind. As long as you can make yourself believe that they are going to a wonderful forever home, and they are, you will be alright. There are people out there just like yourself with lots of love to offer!

My city is medium sized (150k) and only has one shelter, so the cats they have ready to adopt are all ready to go; neutered/spayed/socialized, etc.

There is another private shelter that recently started which I was thinking of volunteering with, it’s not a typical shelter though and is not open to the public unless you make an appointment to see a cat/adopt.

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Yeah, I was aware that black cats are lucky in Europe (UK at least) and unlucky here in NA.... still strange how people believe in such superstitions in 2019. The random cats we meet on the street and walk across our path couldn’t care less what our luck is like, lol. They have enough troubles in their lives and just want to survive.

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I am sorry to hear about your daughter Jcatbird . It’s so painful to lose the ones we love...

I wanted to be a vet all of my life growing up, there’s no way I would have been able to deal with euthanizing kitties. This pushed me into a completely different field as far from health/wellness as possible. Unless you want to believe programs and AI have feelings.

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My sick kitty cat is still here for now... Her health is holding steady at the moment, but some times I do get scared because her breathing goes up to 53-54 times a minute when it should be at max 35.... the last two days it has been holding at 44.

I am sure if it weren’t her sensing my pain and seeing me crying all the time she would have given up a long time ago. I owe her more than I can ever repay.

What really sucks is that my time off from work I took to be with her is almost over and then I will be there most of the day....

 

[Jcatbird]

My heart is with you. Don’t give up. It’s obvious she hasn’t. My daughter excelled far, far beyond all expectations. We just can’t know of the changes that can occur. I send you all the hope and strength possible for both you and kitty.

 

[Antonio65]

After my other 3 cats eventually pass over the rainbow bridge I do not think I will ever have the responsibility of another soul in my hands again.
[...]
No matter how much research I do there wil never be enough for me to say “yes, I should have another souls life in my hands”.

I read this post of yours last night before going to bed (it's 9:45 am, Tuesday, here).
Like we use to say here, it seems we are on the same boat.

I have lost my two cats in less than 18 months, the last one 6 months ago. I had spent 18 years of my life with them, they were part of me and I think I devoted beyond imagination to their well-being, but they're both gone due to some diseases, and if they're gone this means I hadn't devoted to them enough to have them live more than their time.

In the beginning I had poor information on how to raise a kitten. Internet was at its beginning when I had them, it's a miracle that Lola (my avatar cat) managed to survive to my clumsy attentions when she was just 10-12 days old.
Only when they were around 6-7 years old I started reading more about the way I should have taken care of them. Then I started reading about diseases and their symptoms, the cures, treatments, medicines, and so on.
I was their guardian constantly, I had them thoroughly checked at least three times a year. I fed them the best food for their age and conditions, I did what I thought it was the best for them, every single day. They were my priority, always, since the first minute in the morning to the last minute in the night.
But all this effort and devotion didn't save them, and they died to cancer and to a disease never fully understood.

My home is void and cold, now, it's silent and without a meaning.
I had been thinking to have another kitten and give it a good life, but when I look back at my failures I feel I am not the right person to have a cat.
What if this new cat is sick? Would I be able to take care of it as I am supposed to? Or wolud I clumsily sentence it to death?
Am I ready to take the responsibility for a new life?
I had already been given two lives to take care of, and I proved I wasn't good enough. I always took them to the vets when they were showing the least symptom, but it served no good. I think I picked the wrong vets, anyway it was still my fault.
Would I be ready to carry the burden of the sense of guilt if something else happens to a new kitty? Probably I wouldn't.
I'm still grieving my two cats, and still beating myself for not being a better parent.

So, this said, I fully understand and endorse your feeling and point of view.
Take care!

 

[Antonio65]

Yeah, I was aware that black cats are lucky in Europe (UK at least) and unlucky here in NA.... still strange how people believe in such superstitions in 2019.

It's not a general rule.
I live in Europe, but my country, under certain aspects, seems to be still living in the Middle Age and in good part of the country black cats are unlucky, and targeted as such!
I was sure, on the other hand, that NA was much smarter than us in this matter, but you proved it otherwise.

 

[Antonio65]

But that’s another issue.... we as humans are the problem.

This line should be carved in the granite!
I couldn't agree more!