Planning My Wedding - Lari is married!

[Jcatbird]

I think she shot this one just for you guys!

View attachment 281203

I might play with some blurred faces later. I mean, I suppose I could just show my face, since I doubt I'm really that anonymous, but I still like to pretend I have a bit of privacy.

Awww! I love that she took this! Thank you for sharing it! Your ring is beautiful too. It’s really all coming together. I truly appreciate how you have allowed us all to be a part of this. It’s very exciting!

 

[Mia6]

I agree Jcatbird Thank you for sharing with us.

 

[neely]

The Sabine has the lowest heels of the three, at 2 inches.

The Sabine was my absolute favorite, i.e. elegant and classic. Excellent choice!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

This is so much fun for me! Having two boys (who live hundreds of miles away), I haven't been deeply involved in weddings for years!

 

[Lari]

Honestly, I'm feeling a bit frustrated and sad today. I know this is supposed to be a happy thread, but it's wedding related, so I'm just going to vent and people can feel free to ignore.

I was feeling pretty good emailing back and forth with a florist who was working with my budget and everything, and my mom messages me and mentions that my sister's done her cake tasting already (I had asked if she had the last time I was home), and it just made me feel really behind again, so I said something about how I wondered if there was anything she hadn't done yet, and my mom comes back with that it's not a competition and her wedding is first.

And like, I get it, but her wedding is six weeks before mine and she's way more than six weeks ahead of me, which makes me feel like I'm not doing good enough. I've been trying to work things out in therapy why I want to just be happy for my sister and her successes, but I end up feeling jealous more often than not because she's seven years younger than me, has a much more successful career (and has certainly never been fired), moved out of home at an earlier age than me, and despite meeting her fiancé after I met mine, they moved in together faster, got engaged sooner, and just seem to have everything together. And at one point it had really hurt my feelings when my mom decided to start helping me look for photographers after my SIL had mentioned my MIL had done a lot for her wedding as she'd gotten married very young, but she didn't try to help my sister, and it made me feel like she thought I couldn't do it by myself. That I'm the one that's not capable.

To top it off, I've been trying to work with her other bridesmaid today to find a day when it would be good to have my sister's bridal shower, and based on her work schedule and a very busy summer, it looks like the weekend of August 24th might be the only one that works. Except they were going to try to plan my bridal shower for the weekend of Labor Day, and that's only a week apart, and I'd talked to my in-laws about if that would work and now my mom's all "well, I guess we'd have to find a time after your sister's honeymoon for yours because they can't be a week apart" and I'm just like "If it's going to be too difficult, I don't need a bridal shower because I doubt many people would come anyway" which is true, but I still want one.

I know her wedding is going to be bigger and fancier and more expensive and probably for anyone that comes to both hers will be better, and I've been working on accepting that because I've been working on giving mine touches that will make it special to me and all mine and my fiancé's, but sometimes I wish they weren't so close together (If I wasn't turning 36 and my fiancé 40 this summer I might have pushed it off, but we do want to try to start a family sooner rather than later). Because it seems sometimes like I'll always just be second best, and I don't feel creative or decisive or even good enough sometimes to be able to plan a successful wedding.

Sorry for the wall of text and self-pity. I'll probably feel okay later. I just wanted to get it out.

 

[Mia6]

Honestly, I'm feeling a bit frustrated and sad today. I know this is supposed to be a happy thread, but it's wedding related, so I'm just going to vent and people can feel free to ignore.

I was feeling pretty good emailing back and forth with a florist who was working with my budget and everything, and my mom messages me and mentions that my sister's done her cake tasting already (I had asked if she had the last time I was home), and it just made me feel really behind again, so I said something about how I wondered if there was anything she hadn't done yet, and my mom comes back with that it's not a competition and her wedding is first.

And like, I get it, but her wedding is six weeks before mine and she's way more than six weeks ahead of me, which makes me feel like I'm not doing good enough. I've been trying to work things out in therapy why I want to just be happy for my sister and her successes, but I end up feeling jealous more often than not because she's seven years younger than me, has a much more successful career (and has certainly never been fired), moved out of home at an earlier age than me, and despite meeting her fiancé after I met mine, they moved in together faster, got engaged sooner, and just seem to have everything together. And at one point it had really hurt my feelings when my mom decided to start helping me look for photographers after my SIL had mentioned my MIL had done a lot for her wedding as she'd gotten married very young, but she didn't try to help my sister, and it made me feel like she thought I couldn't do it by myself. That I'm the one that's not capable.

To top it off, I've been trying to work with her other bridesmaid today to find a day when it would be good to have my sister's bridal shower, and based on her work schedule and a very busy summer, it looks like the weekend of August 24th might be the only one that works. Except they were going to try to plan my bridal shower for the weekend of Labor Day, and that's only a week apart, and I'd talked to my in-laws about if that would work and now my mom's all "well, I guess we'd have to find a time after your sister's honeymoon for yours because they can't be a week apart" and I'm just like "If it's going to be too difficult, I don't need a bridal shower because I doubt many people would come anyway" which is true, but I still want one.

I know her wedding is going to be bigger and fancier and more expensive and probably for anyone that comes to both hers will be better, and I've been working on accepting that because I've been working on giving mine touches that will make it special to me and all mine and my fiancé's, but sometimes I wish they weren't so close together (If I wasn't turning 36 and my fiancé 40 this summer I might have pushed it off, but we do want to try to start a family sooner rather than later). Because it seems sometimes like I'll always just be second best, and I don't feel creative or decisive or even good enough sometimes to be able to plan a successful wedding.

Sorry for the wall of text and self-pity. I'll probably feel okay later. I just wanted to get it out.

Aww..sweetie, vent all you want. You are not second best!! You are a lovely woman and will have an amazing wedding!! We all love you here so vent any time. All weddings have some stress.

Love,

Mia

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Darlin, all things considered, I'd be a bit worried if you didn't have doubts and concerns. You vent all you need to here. We'll listen, we care, but...we don't live in your town, or talk with your family, so we are SAFE. Go for it. You'll feel better for getting it off of your chest.

I am an only child, but that's because my sister died JUST before I was born. And she was a stunningly beautiful baby, AND she did EVERYTHING way before she should have (walked at 6 months, could read at 1 year). Although I didn't have to deal with this growing up directly, Mom talked about her and how special she was, and how smart she was ALL THE TIME, and in my mind, I heard "but YOU are just...ordinary." So I kinda get it, to a small degree. I do.

 

[Lari]

Thanks Mia6 and Mamanyt1953 . The support was definitely appreciated. I'm definitely feeling less sad than last night.

I guess my dad basically told my mom since we would mostly have different people at the showers having them one week apart wouldn't be that bad and out of town guests that wanted to send gifts might appreciate being able to mail them in one package. So I guess that's been worked out.

Booked the space for sister's shower today, so that's done. Also messed up my wedding diet over the weekend and at this school conference I was at today (and tomorrow), so there's that.

I'm going to try and get a bit farther on this blocking off hotel rooms bit so I can feel a bit more accomplished.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Sweetie, if you don't blow your diet at least once, IT "AIN'T" AN EVENT! You'll live. Things will fit.

 

[AbbysMom]

I'm just going to vent and people can feel free to ignore.

You vent all you want. You need to get it out.

And like, I get it, but her wedding is six weeks before mine and she's way more than six weeks ahead of me, which makes me feel like I'm not doing good enough.

Everyone does things at a different pace. As long as it gets done in the end, that is all that counts. It's possible wedding things are more competitive where she is so she needs to move faster to get someone good. September/October is also more popular for weddings

but she didn't try to help my sister, and it made me feel like she thought I couldn't do it by myself. That I'm the one that's not capable.

than November, so she may have issues with her date getting booked if she doesn't find someone now.

It's possible your mother wants to help your sister, but your sister brushed her off. I was talking to a woman recently that has a daughter getting married next yer and she is thrilled she gets to help out a bit because when her other daughter got married the other daughter did not want the help.

I know her wedding is going to be bigger and fancier and more expensive and probably for anyone that comes to both hers will be better,

Don't think like that. I have a niece that was the first to get married in the family and she declared her wedding was going to be the best wedding ever. She would have the best of everything and everyone would remember it forever and talk about it. She always has to be the best at everything. The wedding was OK, but not the best ever. As other nieces and nephews all of their weddings were fancier, etc. Her sister got married few years ago. Right up front she stated nothing fancy. She wanted fun and low-key and got married in a tent in her in-laws backyard. That wedding is the one we all talk about because it was fun. We all had such a good time. What's important is what you and your fiance want, not if it is the fanciest, best, etc. It needs to be about you.

Also messed up my wedding diet over the weekend and at this school conference I was at today (and tomorrow), so there's that.

Oh that's going to happen again too! Planning a wedding is so stressful that you need to relax and indulge occasionally. If you don't you will feel even more stress.

 

[Lari]

Everyone does things at a different pace. As long as it gets done in the end, that is all that counts. It's possible wedding things are more competitive where she is so she needs to move faster to get someone good. September/October is also more popular for weddings than November, so she may have issues with her date getting booked if she doesn't find someone now.

I do think there is something with vendors going faster for September weddings. I think the first photographer she wanted wasn't available on her date. So I know it's really on me that it's bothering me and making it how she just seems to have her whole life together when it's not really.

It's possible your mother wants to help your sister, but your sister brushed her off. I was talking to a woman recently that has a daughter getting married next yer and she is thrilled she gets to help out a bit because when her other daughter got married the other daughter did not want the help.

She mentioned she hadn't even thought about helping until my SIL said something about her own wedding, so I don't think it was something she'd always wanted to do. I do feel like my parents have doubts (subconscious or not) about my ability to be an adult that they don't have about her.

What's important is what you and your fiance want, not if it is the fanciest, best, etc. It needs to be about you.

That is very true and I just have to keep reminding myself of that. I worry a lot about what other people think and making them happy, but this should also be about making me and my fiancé happy. It's about not getting distracted from that.

Thanks.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I worry a lot about what other people think and making them happy, but this should also be about making me and my fiancé happy.

Absolutely, Darlin', this is YOUR day. You do it YOUR way. If anyone doesn't like it, you may place a bowl of lemon slices out at the reception for them to suck.

 

[Lari]

Well here's some happier news - my shoes came today!!! (And our save the date magnets, which were smaller than I expected, but still nice looking.)

Cat inspected, obviously.

They seem to fit pretty well! I may still try a bit of cushioning in the heel to keep them secure, but overall the fit seems to be right.

 

[neely]

Love the shoes, you look like Cinderella going to the ball.

 

[neely]

Because it seems sometimes like I'll always just be second best, and I don't feel creative or decisive or even good enough sometimes to be able to plan a successful wedding.

Please don't think of yourself as second best. You're doing everything for your wedding plans in the proper order and I'd say you are pretty damn organized too. Your wedding will be spectacular because you put a lot of thought and effort into the planning. Ultimately this is about your fiance and you living as husband and wife happily ever after.

 

[Mia6]

Oh, the shoes are awesome!! Perfect match for your dress.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

LOVE the shoes!

 

[denice]

Love the shoes. Don't think of yourself as 'second best'. You sound very organized to me and you will have the lovely wedding just the way you want it. What you want for your wedding is all that counts.

 

[Norachan]

Sorry for the wall of text and self-pity. I'll probably feel okay later. I just wanted to get it out.

First of all, please don't feel like you're not doing enough to organise your wedding. What you've undertaken is huge and you've already achieved so much. I couldn't even think about having an actual wedding. Bringing together two families who don't speak a word of each other's language and are from such different cultures was way too much for me.

We got married at city hall with no guests or witnesses then went back-packing for a year on honeymoon.

Well here's some happier news - my shoes came today!!!

They're very pretty. Now don't forget you'll need a pedicure and manicure to match.

 

[Lari]

Finally finished addressing my Save the Dates! Now I just need to get them in the mail.

I also booked my florist this week - I'm kind of excited about them. They use local flowers and donate a portion of their sales to a different charity every month. So you don't get to pick exactly what flowers go in your bouquets - just general color scheme and look, but I think it's less stressful that way, too. At least for me.

An acquaintance recommended a DJ to me, but he's already booked our wedding day. The DJ's willing to recommend someone else, but he wants 5-10 artists/songs we'd like to hear at our wedding to get a feel for who'd be a good match. I have my ideas, but I was hoping to get some from my fiancé, too, so I have to wait for him to decide to think about it.

I'm definitely feeling more on track this week, though.