Hello From Gracie And Her (anxious) New Human!

[PushPurrCatPaws]

GraciesParent - In NO way am I trying to downplay what might be regrets on your part, or real worries... as you will need to "sit down with yourself" (with your kitty nearby) to figure out if you are ready for giving your kitty a forever home.

But please know that ANY time a person has just even 2-3 nights of very little sleep, it can really make you feel anxious and worried and edgy. Some people can't even get along well with just one night of tossing and turning and sleeplessness... their brain and heart goes "haywire". A lot of your anxiousness may just be because of lack of sleep, or not letting yourself relax.

If there is any way you can set aside time in the coming week to do breathing exercises, 15 minutes here and there of calming thoughts and trusting thoughts, you might feel more centered. AND YOU NEED SOME SOLID SLEEP! I personally believe that it is in dreaming time (REM sleep) that our brains work out what most worries and hinders us. We grapple with problems and figure out our heart's goals during dream sleeping. And you need several hours to really get that during the nighttime.

For relaxing, this link is helful,
Relaxation Techniques: Using the Relaxation Response to Relieve Stress

 

[GraciesParent]

Oh, I know that to be very true, PushPurr! I managed about five hours last night, after only two to three for the three previous nights, and I know that I get hugely weepy and anxious the longer I go with poor sleep. I used to meditate, but fell off the wagon, and am currently reading about anxiety in a bid to calm mine down.

Thankfully, my family knows about my anxiety, and my sister has already said (multiple times) that if, after at least a month, I still feel the same way and feel I simply cannot cope, she will happily take Gracie. She thinks Gracie is awesome (and she IS).

She already has a big bear of a cat and has been thinking about getting a second one for at least a year now. While she really hopes I keep Gracie, if for some reason I decide I can't, she will. "If it doesn't work out with you, maybe this was the universe's way of helping ME find the second cat I was actually meant to have." So, one way or another, Gracie will always have a great home.

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

Anyone like you who cares a lot about animals and has high standards for that care is bound to feel pressure with a new sweet kitty to take care of.


I think it sounds like you have a really good support system - a lot of people do not have that, and you are blessed! And we are here for you to bounce your thoughts and fears and hopes off of us.

Is your biggest fear having to do with any possible, future health issues with her?

 

[GraciesParent]

No -- while that's of course a concern (not financially, just emotionally), it's not the biggest.

I think the biggest one is that I worry that I don't really want her -- that I loved the *idea* of having a cat but that, in reality, I will be unhappy with one (even a great one) living with me. I've always been close with my immediate family, and I worry that keeping Gracie will actually isolate me more from them -- both my parents and my sister have cats of their own (one in each household), and in the pre-Gracie days I could just pack up and head over to stay for a couple of days whenever I chose. But now? Can't do that anymore -- it involves figuring out how to get there (w/ a cat + carrier), where we'll sleep, how the cats will get along, etc. etc.

As a complete aside, what I find REALLY curious is that Gracie seems to know EVERY TIME I'm on these boards or looking up things related to anxiety over a new cat -- she always comes to find me, then sits at my feet, staring up at me and meowing gently... which, of course, is adorable AND makes me feel terrible!

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

I just want to add, that every time we make ANY decision, we learn something about ourselves. Do not feel badly about yourself if you decide, at this time, that you might have a less stressed, more centered life without a kitty. That is okay! If you allow yourself grace, no matter what you decide, just know that you can love yourself no matter what. Your sister sounds awesome; trust in her. You may find that you can reach calm and happy times with Gracie, too!

If we just sit around and never decide upon anything, and we are just stymied by life, we will never grow. You have taken a great step in learning about yourself, and about Gracie. Do not feel terrible. Take a breath, allow yourself space... and know you have a support system no matter your decision.

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

... As a complete aside, what I find REALLY curious is that Gracie seems to know EVERY TIME I'm on these boards or looking up things related to anxiety over a new cat -- she always comes to find me, then sits at my feet, staring up at me and meowing gently... which, of course, is adorable AND makes me feel terrible!

Cats have an uncanny ability to sense when we are at our most emotional and stressed. My cat always comes over and nips at my foot when I'm like that, as if she is telling me, "Don't worry! I'm here! Time for cuddles!"

 

[GraciesParent]

Today is day seven, and sadly I'm still feeling as anxious, overwhelmed and panicky as I was on day one. :-( I told myself I would give it a month, but I'm having a very hard time adjusting and don't know how I'm going to get to day 30... just so I can then say, "Gave it a good try, now could someone else please take this cat?"

Whenever I leave the apartment, I feel like I'm finally able to escape and I dread going home. When I go into my bedroom (to which she has no access) and close the door, it's like I finally have my space back. Playing with her feels like an obligation rather than the joy I thought it would. And my OCD is through the roof due to the litter scatter.

I'm really struggling and don't know what to do.

 

[rubysmama]

I'm sorry you're still struggling with what to do about Gracie. Maybe talk to your family and friends, who know you, and see what they think.

 

[GraciesParent]

Thanks, rubysmama. Believe me, I have talked to them -- and anyone else who'll listen, actually. I feel like everyone in the city has somehow heard about my anxiety at this point.

The general response seems to be: it's only been a week. Give it a bit more time.

And I would guess there probably aren't a slew of people lurking on a cat site who have actually adopted and then rehomed their cats (so that they can live cat-free), but if there are, I would love to hear from them.

 

[rubysmama]

One reason you might not be getting many replies to this thread, is because it's in the "new members" forum. So maybe start a new thread in the Cat Behavior forum. That will definitely get a different group of people reading and likely responding.

I just did a quick search, and you are certainly not the first person with adoption regret/anxiety. Below are some older threads on the topic. Unfortunately I don't think any ever updated saying what they ended up doing, but there are lots of replies that you may find helpful.

Adoption Regret
Adoption Regret?
Regretting Adopting My Cat... Need Advice
Update: Adult Cat Adoption I Regret
Afraid I made a mistake
Post-adoption Blues & Anxiety

 

[GraciesParent]

Thanks for the links! I've read some of those threads, but not others, so I'll check 'em out.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

One reason you might not be getting many replies to this thread, is because it's in the "new members" forum. So maybe start a new thread in the Cat Behavior forum. That will definitely get a different group of people reading and likely responding.

Absolutely! This is not the first time we've seen this happen. And, honestly, we've seen it end up both ways. Read those threads. When it comes down to it, the most unselfish thing you can do is to keep Gracie's best interests in mind, no matter what that might be.

 

[white shadow]

.
Look here, GraciesParent - your 1-week anniversary here is rapidly approaching...and........the best you've offered up is one postage stamp-size picture of this little darling

This won't do!

So, c'mon, dust off the camera, take some shots and let's see who all this chatter is about
.

 

[Boris Diamond]

Welcome to The Cat Site! Gracie is a lovely girl. It is a responsibility having a cat. I hope your anxiety settles down. Maybe if you focus on the kitty and her sweet loving more? It's great to have a loving cat. And Gracie is so much better off with you than she would be in many other situations.

 

[rubysmama]

GraciesParent : Just thinking about you and Gracie. How are things going?

 

[GraciesParent]

Thanks very much, rubysmama .

Yesterday, after many tears and sleepless nights, and countless conversations, I made the decision to rehome Gracie with my sister -- and both are very happy. Gracie has settled in perfectly there (no fear, no hiding, very affectionate and curious, watching the squirrels outside the window, eating/sleeping/peeing/pooping normally, etc.) in a much larger, fully catified home, and my experienced-cat-owner sister is glad to have the second cat she'd been considering for at least the past year. She's following Jackson Galaxy's guide for introducing the two cats and is doing it v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-ly. So far, so good.

The resident cat, who's a big cuddly bear, has been curious about who's living behind the (closed) guest-room door, and Gracie has reacted with curiosity (not fear or aggression) to his pawing outside the door and meowing.

In the end, I think this will work out the best for everyone, human and feline. I get to be the cats' cool, doting aunt, and can savour cuddle time with them whenever I like, but won't have a cat living in my space. And Gracie gets a big, loving home with a delighted (relaxed) new mummy and a new cat friend.

The whole episode has also shown me that I need to work on managing my anxiety and finding solutions/coping mechanisms, so that's also in progress now.

I'm extremely grateful to all the posters on this site who offered encouragement and counsel, and have told my sis to check it out here if she ever has any questions about either cat because it's such a fabulous resource.

 

[rubysmama]

I'm sorry, but not overly surprised, to read this. I know you were struggling, and in the end just wanted Gracie, and yourself, to be happy. I'm glad your sister was able to take her. That way you know Gracie's safe and loved. And as her auntie, you'll be able to see her often.

And maybe Gracie was always meant to be with your sister, and only came home with you so you could become more aware of your anxiety issues, and work on ways to manage that.

I know you love cats, and now that you know a bit more about what caring for them entails, I'm sure you'll be better prepared next time you fall in love with a cat that you know belongs with you.

Here's some TCS articles that might be helpful with introducing Gracie to her new feline sibling.

How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide
Introducing Cats To Cats
The Multi-cat Household

 

[GraciesParent]

::: dusting off this thread :::

Hi again, all. I thought I would post an update: Gracie is now living back with me. :-)

She's been here just over six weeks, and it's going MUCH much better than it did the first time. Gracie stayed with my sister (and her feline cousin/frenemy Larry) for about three months, during which time I spent many days catsitting, getting to know Gracie and working on figuring out my anxiety. I did a lot of reading, went to see a therapist and restarted a meditation practice I'd given up many years ago. Those things + time helped a great deal, I think.

Then, one day at the start of February, my sister asked if I'd take Gracie back -- just for a couple of days -- while she had some work done in her house. I was panicked at first, but agreed. To my surprise, I felt OK once Gracie was back here.

Those couple of days stretched into a week (I kind of wanted to see how long I'd be OK with having her here), and that week turned into two weeks... and now here we are. The whole time, my sister reassured me that she would take Gracie back in a heartbeat (she LURRRRRRRRRRRVES this cat), and that I should feel no pressure to keep her if I didn't want to or, conversely, to send her back to my sister's house if I thought things were going well and wanted to continue. Just knowing that I had/have that "out" has also been extremely helpful, I think.

My anxiety is not gone, but it's much more manageable. It was at an 11 out of 10 all day, every day, back when I started this thread. Now, it's more of a 4, with occasional peaks of about a 7 or 8 at most... and those pass quickly. Some days, it's down to a 2 or 3, which is great.

And Gracie is none the worse for wear! When she arrived back at my place, she immediately went to all her favourite spots, and has been happy as a clam since. Like me, she LOVES a routine, so we've settled into one that works for both of us.

Thank you again to everyone who offered support and advice. It (obviously) took a while to sink in, but it DID work eventually... and you were ALL right. :-)

Here's Gracie, striking a pose one evening last week...

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

Wonderful news!

 

[verna davies]

Thats great news for both you and Gracie. She's lovely