Goodbye, Buddy

[thanatos0042]

So, today I had to put Buddy down.

Buddy was a feral cat that we watched over. He was very feral - we couldn't touch him or put hands anywhere near him or he would run. I am sure he was scared and abused and I am so sorry I wasn't able to help him.

He showed up a bit less than a year ago and he got along with the other ferals and we fed him and sheltered him and hoped to make things better for him. But about 3 months ago he started to have uncontrolled diarrhea. It was awful, was like a leaky faucet. We tried different foods and different things to offset it and tried all sorts of things to get him to trust us, but nothing worked.

Buddy seemed like a sweet cat, but it's hard to really know when he uses you for food and goes off once he is done eating. Turns out he was 8ish years old. We caught him today (we bought a cat trap) and took him to our vet, where he was diagnosed with FIV, coccidia, jaw and tooth infection, loss of jaw and muscle mass/atrophy and possibly other issues. He also had damage from trying to chew off his own testicles and had been mostly successful.

So towards this end, he was definitely miserable and to be honest, he looked quite miserable too. I never really got to know Buddy, despite trying like I usually do. I'm just so sorry I couldn't do more for him. The vet recommended putting him down since he was a feral and we couldn't guarantee he wouldn't spread the FIV to any of the other ferals in the area or even our own cats (as we'd have to keep him inside for 10 days to give him meds which may or may not have treated the immediate issues, but not necessarily all of them).

I'm sorry we couldn't do more for you Buddy - I made sure you had food and a warm place to stay and weren't alone. I'm sorry we couldn't save you. I hope you find my other animals on the other side of the bridge and they welcome you so you aren't alone and know that at least a few people did care for you, even if we lacked the tools and resources to do more for you.

My little index has grown, but know that I'll always include you with it from now on.

Bo, you were taken too soon. We love and miss you.
Joe and Mischief (not cats, but still family)
My cat, Jynx. I still miss you baby.
Anna, I'm so sorry I couldn't do more
I miss you, my little huntress Eva
Sox, I wish we could have done more
My pal Morpheus...our daddy cat
Mal & Ashe, my Siamese (and to all my others, I still think about you all and miss you)

I only got the 1 really good shot of Buddy...and yes, that is a possum that sometimes spends time in the feral fort with the cats...they all get along, as they all sheltered in there from the cold together.

 

[DeesCats]

I'm so sorry for your loss of Buddy and you did all you could for him. I think you made the right decision to trap and take him to the vet and with all his health issues, euthanasia was the best choice IMO to alleviate his suffering. Just know that he is at peace and hopefully joining your other loved cats in a better place.

 

[thanatos0042]

thank you for saying so. I know I am not at peace with the decision and the guilt is pretty big right now. There were other little lives to weigh in the balance against possible infection as well (if he got into a fight), but still.

Thank you, I hope he is happier now. I hope I am forgiven for this decision, it was made with the best intent.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Buddy, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

Loving ferals is one of the hardest things on earth to do. So often, we cannot get to them in time to do anything but help them cross the Bridge to a better Next Great Adventure. And even when that is all we can do, it is a gift to them. OUR hearts break, but theirs continue on, filled with health, and joy, and peace. Remember that. All that Buddy knew of comfort, you taught him. Food in his tummy, a warm place to sleep, and respect...being allowed to live his life on his terms. I am sure that Buddy knew that, and from his new home in That Place Where All Things Are Known, he opens his feral heart to you, knowing all that you wanted for him. His love, now translated and purified into Love, continues on, and he sends it back to walk with you down through all of your days until, in the fullness of time, you meet again. And I am sure that there will be headbonks and purrs for you as a little feral greets you.

 

[thanatos0042]

thanks for your kind words Mamany. I really hope your right.

 

[Mia6]

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[thanatos0042]

Thank you. I'm having a tougher time with this one than I thought I would actually.

 

[di and bob]

You showed him caring and love, that was all he really wanted and why he found you in his time of need. He was suffering from things that really could not be cured, like the FIV, loss of muscle mass, etc.and would have had suffering in his future, no matter how hard you tried to help him. You put your own feelings aside and did what was right for him, I commend you for that. He will always be connected to your soul, because you were the one human who helped him when no one else would, he loves you for that.
Sometimes it is just not to be. We don't like it, it is not the outcome we envision, but it happens anyway, no matter what we do. The only thing we can do is to go forward into the future, learn from our experiences, and live as if we were the first to go and how we would want them to go on. Not in giving up, and despair, but in hopefulness and seeking life's beauty and love. He wants nothing less for the one who showed him kindness and love.
He will always have a spot in your heart, he will never be frogotten because of you. My heart cries for your pain, i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. you will be blessed for showing him what comfort and love can be, thank you........RIP precious Buddy. you will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in aloving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!