Another Story To Add...

[thanatos0042]

So This morning, 5/23/18, my bluepoint Siamese Mal passed away.

I just missed it, I fell asleep, even though I knew he wouldn't make it. I'm not sure if that was a kindness so I didn't have to watch him pass or not. Though I knew he didn't want me around, he kept moving away from me and turning his back to me. I got the impression he wanted to be left alone, so I didn't push it. I feel guilty about that anyway though. Of course, I feel guilty about not being able to diagnose why he got sick and passed, even though I know there really isn't any blame to pass around.

He was almost or around 9 years old. He was a very good cat and very private. He only came for affection when he wanted it and then he went off to sleep or play in private (he hated to be watched playing) or do whatever it is cats do when they are not being watched.

He was named after Mal from the TV series Firefly. The Captain of the Serenity...a little bit vain, a little bit pretty, a little bit scoundrel and all with a heart of gold (played so well by Nathan Fillion).

He gradually lost some weight, but then it became rapid and we ran all the tests and tried oh, so many thing to stop it, even posted here. Scoured the Internet. We couldn't find a good answer, other than cancer or tumors and by the time we got to that point in treatments, I don't think it would have pulled him out of it and think he might have become too fragile to handle the treatments.

So today we (me and my long time roommate) took him to get him cremated. I will put him beside Ashe, my other Siamese that passed early due to FIP from a liver that was 1/3 the size it should have been. They will share a space together with other things I have that are important to me. We didn't do a necroscopy on Mal because I don't believe it would assuage any of the guilt over being helpless to stop it and I'd rather just not know if we all missed something. Medicine is an inexact science and things are missed with people and Vet's are just as fallible, so a question best left to lie. The helplessness is the worst bit of it, because we all know too well we only get them for a little while and some are briefer than others.

Death and I have quite a long history together and I know and accept it's all part of the natural cycle and order of things, but it doesn't make it any easier emotionally when it's time to say goodbye.

With Mal, it's been a long and hard road, watching him slowly degrade over a month and then in the last two weeks, we've lost 3 feral kittens out of 5. We brought a feral mamma in to get her spayed and surprise, she had early kittens. So it's been a rough time here.

I want to thank everyone here on the site for the advice, prayers, thoughts and heartfelt sympathy.

Some pictures, Mal, Baby Mal and Ashe




He is Loved and Missed and to be met again (along with other beloved companions who have moved on) when it's my turn to leave the world behind. I firmly believe that when you invest in another emotionally and spiritually, be it person or animal companion, their energies are always a little tied with yours, so there will always be the possibility to see them again.

And appropriate or not, I'm going to give a mention of others that have been with me and that have passed, just to have it here: Fritz I and II, Tigerina, Storm, Sheba, Bandit, Samantha, Ricki Ticki, Tweety, Birdie I, II and III, Kai, Mystic, Mr. Pretty Bird, Lightning and others, unamed or not mine, but not forgotten.

Anyway, again, thank you all and blessed be.

 

[Furballsmom]

To you, Mai and all of your loved ones, I have you in my thoughts always.

RIP baby meezer sweetheart

 

[Antonio65]

Of course, I feel guilty about not being able to diagnose why he got sick and passed

I'm sorry for your loss, but you have no fault.
How can you feel guilty about not being able to diagnose what took him away from you when it was not you to have to diagnose it? Where was your vet during those hard times?
If your vet didn't know what what it was, how could you do it?

You have been blessed by the presence of so many kitties in your life, they will all wait for you, and meanwhile they are playing together and telling each other how wonderful it was to be a furry friend of yours.

RIP Mal

 

[Tilly206]

Im so sorry for your loss, he was beautiful.
RIP Mal

 

[di and bob]

It is so very hard to get through the passing of a beloved family member, I hope you can concentrate on the good memories and not dwell on what cannot be changed. More times than not, even with the very best of treatments and care, it only prolongs the inevitable,and may even prolong the suffering. It may buy a little time, but at what expense? The moment we are born we begin to die, there is no guarantee of a tomorrow, there is no way to avoid it. Your precious boy tried to pull away from you to make it easier, to not bring his pain onto you. At his passing he knew he was loved, and that you were near. It brought him comfort at the end, he did not want to go, he had to.
I believe in that 'energy' you talked about, I call it their 'essence'. When you love someone, your souls are tied together for eternity through a bond of love. Strong love is eternal, there is no way it just ends when one has to go through no fault of their own. The frail physical body may fail, but love is spiritual, so goes on as long as we have our memories to sustain it, to nurture it through the rest of our own lives. That is why we should go into the future with joy, with hope, to keep that love as a source of our reason to go on living. Because it is as they would want for us, because that is what love is, only wanting the best for the one we hold so dear. Just as we would want for them if we were the first to go. Not sad for eternity, but going on and growing stronger because we shared our hearts and lives for a little while with someone so special. To let the love we shared find a secure place in our very being, protecting it, letting it grow even stronger by showering it with happiness and bringing it sunshine. Not drowning it in a sea of tears and the darkness of grief.
Our love will never be replaced, it resides forever in our very being. It willingly shares that space, and grows even stronger by sharing what was learned and passing it on to new loves, like a mother's love for many children, each unique and precious.
My heart goes out to you, we learn to get through this somehow, to live with the loss. Time is the only thing that helps. I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers, take care......RIP beautiful Mal, and the countless others you hold so dear. You will forever reside in a loving heart and will never be forgotten. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

 

[les26]

I am sorry for your loss, we also had a cat who passed a few years ago, Skipper, who was not very friendly with us, when he wanted to he would come around and sniff our legs and let us pet him a bit or play string toy with him, but for the most part he just wanted to stay away and hung out with a few of the others. He got sick and was crying a lot one day, we took him to the vet and they couldn't find anything wrong, gave him a shot, was still crying the next day and when we came home he was dead, we'll never know why, and that was so very hard to deal with, but as my Mom told me "that's how he was, he had everything that he needed and wanted, that was his personality" so I understand that part of it. But no matter the circumstances it is always hard to lose our little friends, I am sorry for your loss.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless.....

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Mal (and Those Who Went Before), dream you deep. You walk in someone's heart forever.

You did the best you knew and could. What more can be asked of us than that? And perhaps, just perhaps, private little soul that he was, and is, he waited for you to fall asleep before slipping off this heavy coat of flesh that we all wear. And I agree, where we love, we are never truly parted, and will see face to face once more in the fullness of time.

 

[Monk'sMom]

Beautiful guy. I'm so sorry.

 

[thanatos0042]

Thank you, for all your kind and supportive words. I know that logically, we did what we could...but it never helps the feelings that you failed, that you couldn't change the outcome. Emotions just aren't logical things.

Eventually the grief will lessen, life moves on without them, without us eventually. at least his bright light was recorded here, for others to share in.

and I believe the things posted here are right, that he didn't want me there at the end...not the first time I've experienced that with a companion.

and so you know, you all made me cry more lol.

and worry not, for I am not so focused on grief, that I am ignoring the love from the other companions that share our home...they have been around me a lot today.

The sadness is so tough to deal with, but what really gets me is just how exhausted I feel, emotionally and mentally...and I know it will improve...I took today and yesterday off to grieve and remember and build myself up enough to go to work tomorrow...but I am surely glad it's a long weekend. I think I'll still need it.

Anyway, thank you all so much...I could say something beautiful and poetic like you all have, but that just wouldn't really be me, so I'm just going to say that misery loves company

 

[betsygee]

What a beautiful boy. I'm very sorry for your loss of this beloved companion. RIP, little Mal.

 

[Timmer]

I'm so sorry for you loss. I know it's very hard, no matter what their personalities are, they are family and a presence in our homes that are no longer there and they are missed. Each one leaves a different imprint on our hearts. Sometimes after awhile we get peace when they pass and sometimes it takes a bit longer because we question our selves, what we did or didn't do. He looks like he was a healthy guy with a wonderful loving home. What more could anyone ask or want? You did a great job with him even til the end. I'm learning lately that death is just one of those things we cannot stop or control. Part of life. We all know that, but to see a decline happen before our eyes is hard.
I still think back to Timmer's last year with me and I'm starting to realize some things that may have been important clues in his demise but I didn't know it at the time. It's hard. The head knows it's going to happen, but the heart wishes it wouldn't.
Take care of yourself and let yourself grieve.

 

[Tabbytastic]

So This morning, 5/23/18, my bluepoint Siamese Mal passed away.

I just missed it, I fell asleep, even though I knew he wouldn't make it. I'm not sure if that was a kindness so I didn't have to watch him pass or not. Though I knew he didn't want me around, he kept moving away from me and turning his back to me. I got the impression he wanted to be left alone, so I didn't push it. I feel guilty about that anyway though. Of course, I feel guilty about not being able to diagnose why he got sick and passed, even though I know there really isn't any blame to pass around.

He was almost or around 9 years old. He was a very good cat and very private. He only came for affection when he wanted it and then he went off to sleep or play in private (he hated to be watched playing) or do whatever it is cats do when they are not being watched.

He was named after Mal from the TV series Firefly. The Captain of the Serenity...a little bit vain, a little bit pretty, a little bit scoundrel and all with a heart of gold (played so well by Nathan Fillion).

He gradually lost some weight, but then it became rapid and we ran all the tests and tried oh, so many thing to stop it, even posted here. Scoured the Internet. We couldn't find a good answer, other than cancer or tumors and by the time we got to that point in treatments, I don't think it would have pulled him out of it and think he might have become too fragile to handle the treatments.

So today we (me and my long time roommate) took him to get him cremated. I will put him beside Ashe, my other Siamese that passed early due to FIP from a liver that was 1/3 the size it should have been. They will share a space together with other things I have that are important to me. We didn't do a necroscopy on Mal because I don't believe it would assuage any of the guilt over being helpless to stop it and I'd rather just not know if we all missed something. Medicine is an inexact science and things are missed with people and Vet's are just as fallible, so a question best left to lie. The helplessness is the worst bit of it, because we all know too well we only get them for a little while and some are briefer than others.

Death and I have quite a long history together and I know and accept it's all part of the natural cycle and order of things, but it doesn't make it any easier emotionally when it's time to say goodbye.

With Mal, it's been a long and hard road, watching him slowly degrade over a month and then in the last two weeks, we've lost 3 feral kittens out of 5. We brought a feral mamma in to get her spayed and surprise, she had early kittens. So it's been a rough time here.

I want to thank everyone here on the site for the advice, prayers, thoughts and heartfelt sympathy.

Some pictures, Mal, Baby Mal and Ashe


View attachment 233217 View attachment 233218 View attachment 233219

He is Loved and Missed and to be met again (along with other beloved companions who have moved on) when it's my turn to leave the world behind. I firmly believe that when you invest in another emotionally and spiritually, be it person or animal companion, their energies are always a little tied with yours, so there will always be the possibility to see them again.

And appropriate or not, I'm going to give a mention of others that have been with me and that have passed, just to have it here: Fritz I and II, Tigerina, Storm, Sheba, Bandit, Samantha, Ricki Ticki, Tweety, Birdie I, II and III, Kai, Mystic, Mr. Pretty Bird, Lightning and others, unamed or not mine, but not forgotten.

Anyway, again, thank you all and blessed be.

RIP Mal

So sorry for your loss of a gorgeous boy!

I will be thinking of you in the weeks ahead x