I am so very sorry for your loss of your precious girl Sandy! I know it will hurt for a long time. No one can say they know how you feel, but I have been through this so many times and I know that the pain never goes away. It gets dealt with, that's all. We go on, without our beloved ones near to see and touch, and that does not change.It’s over. I put Sandy to sleep tonight at 8pm CST. I am in tears right now. I did not want to do this to her. I took her in and I played the cat music I used to play on my computer that I used at night to help her sleep, and I sang to her while holding as they injected her then I bawled into tears as she fell limp in my arms. It crushed me. I’m in my room now where she would normally be following me around while I paced to run her face against my ankles and arc her back against my leg. I won’t beable to see her in the mornings sitting over my face with her beautiful eyes looking down at me waiting for me to wake up so I can pet her. I miss her.
Sandy IS near. She will watch over you until you are reunited. And I thank you for doing this for HER, even while you did not want to, because she is free of the pain now. She does not have to deal with all of that. And that is a GOOD thing.
Panda, especially, will need extra love and reassurance now.
Some things I have done when I could in tribute to my loved ones who have gone on ahead are to plant a beautiful plant for them, to make a memorial album for them, and to donate in their memory to a favorite organization that helps cats, like Alley Cat Allies, Best Friends Animal Society or a small local grassroots organization that does spay/neuter/TNR/rescues/adoptions. In time, you may feel like Sandy would want any or all of these actions done in her name.
For now, you will endure the unendurable. No words can make it less, or different. Beloved Sandy!