Took In Two 1 Yr Old Ferals

[tarasgirl06]

It’s over. I put Sandy to sleep tonight at 8pm CST. I am in tears right now. I did not want to do this to her. I took her in and I played the cat music I used to play on my computer that I used at night to help her sleep, and I sang to her while holding as they injected her then I bawled into tears as she fell limp in my arms. It crushed me. I’m in my room now where she would normally be following me around while I paced to run her face against my ankles and arc her back against my leg. I won’t beable to see her in the mornings sitting over my face with her beautiful eyes looking down at me waiting for me to wake up so I can pet her. I miss her.

I am so very sorry for your loss of your precious girl Sandy! I know it will hurt for a long time. No one can say they know how you feel, but I have been through this so many times and I know that the pain never goes away. It gets dealt with, that's all. We go on, without our beloved ones near to see and touch, and that does not change.
Sandy IS near. She will watch over you until you are reunited. And I thank you for doing this for HER, even while you did not want to, because she is free of the pain now. She does not have to deal with all of that. And that is a GOOD thing.
Panda, especially, will need extra love and reassurance now.
Some things I have done when I could in tribute to my loved ones who have gone on ahead are to plant a beautiful plant for them, to make a memorial album for them, and to donate in their memory to a favorite organization that helps cats, like Alley Cat Allies, Best Friends Animal Society or a small local grassroots organization that does spay/neuter/TNR/rescues/adoptions. In time, you may feel like Sandy would want any or all of these actions done in her name.
For now, you will endure the unendurable. No words can make it less, or different. Beloved Sandy!

 

[calicosrspecial]

It’s over. I put Sandy to sleep tonight at 8pm CST. I am in tears right now. I did not want to do this to her. I took her in and I played the cat music I used to play on my computer that I used at night to help her sleep, and I sang to her while holding as they injected her then I bawled into tears as she fell limp in my arms. It crushed me. I’m in my room now where she would normally be following me around while I paced to run her face against my ankles and arc her back against my leg. I won’t beable to see her in the mornings sitting over my face with her beautiful eyes looking down at me waiting for me to wake up so I can pet her. I miss her.

I AM SO SORRY.

I am in tears right now as well.

"I did not want to do this to her." - No, I know. But it is best for Sandy. She is now in heaven, safe, comfortable, loved, and will lbe watching over you.

" I took her in and I played the cat music I used to play on my computer that I used at night to help her sleep, and I sang to her while holding as they injected her then I bawled into tears as she fell limp in my arms." - YOU gave her love and comforted her the best way possible. It is wonderful you gave her that love.

"It crushed me." - Totally

" I’m in my room now where she would normally be following me around while I paced to run her face against my ankles and arc her back against my leg. I won’t beable to see her in the mornings sitting over my face with her beautiful eyes looking down at me waiting for me to wake up so I can pet her. I miss her." - I know. BUT she is still with you. In your heart and looking over you.

This is hitting me really hard and I have gone through the loss like you are too many times. I know how horrible this is. I can actually feel your pain, your loss, your hurt. I am feeling it with Sandy and I know you are feeling it 1000+ times harder.

BUT you saved her life, gave her life AND SO MUCH LOVE. Sandy felt love for the first time with you, trust, became a loving member of your family. That gift is the GREATEST someone can give. And you gave Sandy all of that for all her life with you. Yes, her life was too short but the quality of her life was greater than most. Sandy impacted you, me and I am sure many others. Your love for her is beautiful and will always be there.

PLEASE be proud of all you have done for her. You gave her the greatest gifts anyone can give someone else. I am sure Sandy thanks you for all you have done and she is waiting for you in heaven and will be with you everywhere you go. I am so proud of you for all you have done for Sandy, Panda, and all the cats. We give the cats a lot but they give us a lot. And that love Sandy gave you is the greatest gift as well.

I am so sorry. Sandy is lucky to have found you and you are lucky to have found Sandy. And all of us that have got to know Sandy have benefitted from her. THANK YOU SO MUCH for all you have done for her and all the cats.

 

[Talien]

It’s over. I put Sandy to sleep tonight at 8pm CST. I am in tears right now. I did not want to do this to her. I took her in and I played the cat music I used to play on my computer that I used at night to help her sleep, and I sang to her while holding as they injected her then I bawled into tears as she fell limp in my arms. It crushed me. I’m in my room now where she would normally be following me around while I paced to run her face against my ankles and arc her back against my leg. I won’t beable to see her in the mornings sitting over my face with her beautiful eyes looking down at me waiting for me to wake up so I can pet her. I miss her.

You did the only thing you could, it was that or let her continue to suffer. You took her pain away but you're going to be feeling it for a long time, and that's the choice we all make when we take in an animal. We know one day we're going to have to say goodbye and until then we do everything we can for them.

 

[MikeAW2010]

It is so difficult coping with this, even though I did this with Ginger earlier this year its like I'm reliving it all over again and I still havent fully gotten over Ginger either. I just know he's in a better place. I miss Sandy so much. It is difficult going into my own bedroom now because that is where I kept her so she wouldnt have conflicts with the other cats and also so I could continue to socialize her. There were times I thought she would never be friendly to me and that she would never come around and times I even considered giving up and accepting she would always be feral and never socialize but I never could and remained patient and unconditional and she slowly began to surprise me each succession after another before she acted almost like an ordinary house cat toward me. She was my baby. I probably babied her a good bit more than the other cats because of how scared of people she was and how harsh her life was before I obtained her. I lost two of my most precious babies both to cancer in just one year. It is so difficult to deal with.

Sandy used to come running to me from the other side of the room or from my bathroom whenever I came home so she could placate her head all over my heels and legs and rub up against me even while I was still walking.. ..arcing against my legs, wouldnt even let me move sometimes until I just stopped what I was doing and get down on my knees and pet her and even let me pick her up and put her on my lap and she would melt her face in my palm and let me pet her. I never thought she especially as a feral would ever gain this much trust in me. I thought she would only come to tolerate me. She used to sleep on my bible. She sought it out to sleep on. It was like she knew what it was. She came to the point where she would even let me rest my face on her and fall asleep on her without attacking me or running away. She truly loved me and I loved her back. I miss her to a decree that I cannot put into words. Now all of that is gone when I come into my room and its just an emptiness in her place... ...I put her food dish up, its in my closet along with Ginger's.

Panda on the other hand hasn't seemed to notice yet, he is still playing with Baxter, Louis, and Lana and seeming to enjoy himself. Panda and Sandy were extremely close when I got them. He was her trailblazer and her protector. In the business park, she never came out of hiding unless Panda was out too. I remember seeing her for the first time, she was sitting down on the pavement looking right at me from a good distance. Just staring at me, and I squatted down and slow blinked and extended my hand and quietly spoke to her. She didn't do anything at first. I tried to slowly move toward her while remaining as low as possible but she eventually got up and ran into the trees.

When I scheduled the euthanization, I knew I had to schedule it same day or I would change my mind. It was the sickest feeling in the world to literally call your vet to tell them you desire to put down the very pet you love. With Ginger it was easier because I didn't get any warning whatsoever. I just thought it was going to be a normal vet visit, but Sandy I had to make a choice to either continue to have her in my presence and hope she gets better, always wondering if she will recover, or end her suffering. They gave me a same day appointment for 7:30pm and it was 5pm that time.. ..and I accepted it.. ..then I knew my time with her was coming to a close.. ...I spent those two hours knowing I was soon going to lose her and just pet her there while taking pictures and recording my last moments with her. She accepted as much petting as she could but it had come to a point that literally even purring caused her to lose her breath and get winded so she would have to move away until she could catch her breath. About 30 minutes before the appointment, I put some cat treats infront of her so Panda would come down from the cat tree and spend those moments with her. He did, and Sandy also ate some treats along with Panda and I took one final picture of her and Panda together... ...Sandy eventually got up and got on my bed, Panda went about being Panda.. ..and then I had to load her into her Kennel knowing this was going to be the last time I would see her.. ..it broke me to pieces watching her become the fearful little feral when she was in the Kennel not knowing where she was going or what was going to happen next...

When I got there, they loaded me into a room and I made sure Sandy could see me at all times.. ..they took Sandy back and wrapped her in a towel and put a needle in her leg.. ..they came back with her so she could be with me and when I saw her wrapped up in that towel with her little head sticking out I literally cried out "Oh my god that's my baby!" and bursted into tears as I took her into my arms. They gave me some more alone time with her and I just pet her face while she remained coddled in that towel and I kept reminding her that I loved her and I didnt want to do this to her and that she was my baby. I told her I want her to remember that I love her and I dont want her to come back to this world, I just want her to wait for me to come home. I then told her but if she does have to come back, find me.. ..and I will take care of her again... ...afterward it was time.. ..I played the soft music that she used to listen to when she was terrified in my bedroom and I sang the song I used to sing to her to put her to relax her so she would feel comfortable enough to go to sleep.. ..It wasn't quite the same as it was with Ginger. Ginger was struggling and gasping for air and trying his best to move before I felt him go limb. Sandy didn't move at all. ...I literally felt no difference between the point where she was living in my arms and the point where she fell asleep.. ..none the less after it was over I broke down into tears infront of everyone knowing it was over.. ..and I wouldn't see her when I returned home.. ..That night was just as it was with Ginger.. ..me falling asleep in tears, waking up at random hours crying and falling back to sleep... except she would also not be in my room coming to my face wondering what on earth Im doing or rubbing against my feet or my head or looking down at my face when I wake up begging for me to pet her....

I really miss my baby. Its like a nightmare I cant wake up from, expecting to see her there and she is no longer there and the fact that this happened almost right after Ginger.

 

[tarasgirl06]

It is so difficult coping with this, even though I did this with Ginger earlier this year its like I'm reliving it all over again and I still havent fully gotten over Ginger either. I just know he's in a better place. I miss Sandy so much. It is difficult going into my own bedroom now because that is where I kept her so she wouldnt have conflicts with the other cats and also so I could continue to socialize her. There were times I thought she would never be friendly to me and that she would never come around and times I even considered giving up and accepting she would always be feral and never socialize but I never could and remained patient and unconditional and she slowly began to surprise me each succession after another before she acted almost like an ordinary house cat toward me. She was my baby. I probably babied her a good bit more than the other cats because of how scared of people she was and how harsh her life was before I obtained her. I lost two of my most precious babies both to cancer in just one year. It is so difficult to deal with.

Sandy used to come running to me from the other side of the room or from my bathroom whenever I came home so she could placate her head all over my heels and legs and rub up against me even while I was still walking.. ..arcing against my legs, wouldnt even let me move sometimes until I just stopped what I was doing and get down on my knees and pet her and even let me pick her up and put her on my lap and she would melt her face in my palm and let me pet her. I never thought she especially as a feral would ever gain this much trust in me. I thought she would only come to tolerate me. She used to sleep on my bible. She sought it out to sleep on. It was like she knew what it was. She came to the point where she would even let me rest my face on her and fall asleep on her without attacking me or running away. She truly loved me and I loved her back. I miss her to a decree that I cannot put into words. Now all of that is gone when I come into my room and its just an emptiness in her place... ...I put her food dish up, its in my closet along with Ginger's.

Panda on the other hand hasn't seemed to notice yet, he is still playing with Baxter, Louis, and Lana and seeming to enjoy himself. Panda and Sandy were extremely close when I got them. He was her trailblazer and her protector. In the business park, she never came out of hiding unless Panda was out too. I remember seeing her for the first time, she was sitting down on the pavement looking right at me from a good distance. Just staring at me, and I squatted down and slow blinked and extended my hand and quietly spoke to her. She didn't do anything at first. I tried to slowly move toward her while remaining as low as possible but she eventually got up and ran into the trees.

When I scheduled the euthanization, I knew I had to schedule it same day or I would change my mind. It was the sickest feeling in the world to literally call your vet to tell them you desire to put down the very pet you love. With Ginger it was easier because I didn't get any warning whatsoever. I just thought it was going to be a normal vet visit, but Sandy I had to make a choice to either continue to have her in my presence and hope she gets better, always wondering if she will recover, or end her suffering. They gave me a same day appointment for 7:30pm and it was 5pm that time.. ..and I accepted it.. ..then I knew my time with her was coming to a close.. ...I spent those two hours knowing I was soon going to lose her and just pet her there while taking pictures and recording my last moments with her. She accepted as much petting as she could but it had come to a point that literally even purring caused her to lose her breath and get winded so she would have to move away until she could catch her breath. About 30 minutes before the appointment, I put some cat treats infront of her so Panda would come down from the cat tree and spend those moments with her. He did, and Sandy also ate some treats along with Panda and I took one final picture of her and Panda together... ...Sandy eventually got up and got on my bed, Panda went about being Panda.. ..and then I had to load her into her Kennel knowing this was going to be the last time I would see her.. ..it broke me to pieces watching her become the fearful little feral when she was in the Kennel not knowing where she was going or what was going to happen next...

When I got there, they loaded me into a room and I made sure Sandy could see me at all times.. ..they took Sandy back and wrapped her in a towel and put a needle in her leg.. ..they came back with her so she could be with me and when I saw her wrapped up in that towel with her little head sticking out I literally cried out "Oh my god that's my baby!" and bursted into tears as I took her into my arms. They gave me some more alone time with her and I just pet her face while she remained coddled in that towel and I kept reminding her that I loved her and I didnt want to do this to her and that she was my baby. I told her I want her to remember that I love her and I dont want her to come back to this world, I just want her to wait for me to come home. I then told her but if she does have to come back, find me.. ..and I will take care of her again... ...afterward it was time.. ..I played the soft music that she used to listen to when she was terrified in my bedroom and I sang the song I used to sing to her to put her to relax her so she would feel comfortable enough to go to sleep.. ..It wasn't quite the same as it was with Ginger. Ginger was struggling and gasping for air and trying his best to move before I felt him go limb. Sandy didn't move at all. ...I literally felt no difference between the point where she was living in my arms and the point where she fell asleep.. ..none the less after it was over I broke down into tears infront of everyone knowing it was over.. ..and I wouldn't see her when I returned home.. ..That night was just as it was with Ginger.. ..me falling asleep in tears, waking up at random hours crying and falling back to sleep... except she would also not be in my room coming to my face wondering what on earth Im doing or rubbing against my feet or my head or looking down at my face when I wake up begging for me to pet her....

I really miss my baby. Its like a nightmare I cant wake up from, expecting to see her there and she is no longer there and the fact that this happened almost right after Ginger.

I was present, kneeling over my beloved angel Marley when she passed, at home. I FELT her soul pass into me. This is how I know for sure that the soul endures. Of course we are to take it on Faith, but this proved it in real life terms.
You may still receive visits from Sandy and from Ginger. You may see them out the corner of your eye. You may even hear them. It happens. Be aware. But even if you do not see or hear them, they ARE watching over you.
We mourn for ourselves when our loved ones pass from this earth, NOT for them. They are in a place that surpasses anything we could ever imagine. And all of the suffering, pain, and bad experiences they have experienced in this life is gone, wiped away. This is something I always try to stay focused on when one of my beloved ones ascends. The pain we feel is the pain of our loss of them, physically. It is unendurable, and yet we do endure.
I lost my father and one of my beloved cats within one week. I remember so clearly standing in the vet's saying to the person who was with me there, "I can't endure it!" and him saying, "You MUST."
And I have.
And you will, too. Know that Sandy, and Ginger, are very, very well! and that they love you.

 

[calicosrspecial]

It is so difficult coping with this, even though I did this with Ginger earlier this year its like I'm reliving it all over again and I still havent fully gotten over Ginger either. I just know he's in a better place. I miss Sandy so much. It is difficult going into my own bedroom now because that is where I kept her so she wouldnt have conflicts with the other cats and also so I could continue to socialize her. There were times I thought she would never be friendly to me and that she would never come around and times I even considered giving up and accepting she would always be feral and never socialize but I never could and remained patient and unconditional and she slowly began to surprise me each succession after another before she acted almost like an ordinary house cat toward me. She was my baby. I probably babied her a good bit more than the other cats because of how scared of people she was and how harsh her life was before I obtained her. I lost two of my most precious babies both to cancer in just one year. It is so difficult to deal with.

Sandy used to come running to me from the other side of the room or from my bathroom whenever I came home so she could placate her head all over my heels and legs and rub up against me even while I was still walking.. ..arcing against my legs, wouldnt even let me move sometimes until I just stopped what I was doing and get down on my knees and pet her and even let me pick her up and put her on my lap and she would melt her face in my palm and let me pet her. I never thought she especially as a feral would ever gain this much trust in me. I thought she would only come to tolerate me. She used to sleep on my bible. She sought it out to sleep on. It was like she knew what it was. She came to the point where she would even let me rest my face on her and fall asleep on her without attacking me or running away. She truly loved me and I loved her back. I miss her to a decree that I cannot put into words. Now all of that is gone when I come into my room and its just an emptiness in her place... ...I put her food dish up, its in my closet along with Ginger's.

Panda on the other hand hasn't seemed to notice yet, he is still playing with Baxter, Louis, and Lana and seeming to enjoy himself. Panda and Sandy were extremely close when I got them. He was her trailblazer and her protector. In the business park, she never came out of hiding unless Panda was out too. I remember seeing her for the first time, she was sitting down on the pavement looking right at me from a good distance. Just staring at me, and I squatted down and slow blinked and extended my hand and quietly spoke to her. She didn't do anything at first. I tried to slowly move toward her while remaining as low as possible but she eventually got up and ran into the trees.

When I scheduled the euthanization, I knew I had to schedule it same day or I would change my mind. It was the sickest feeling in the world to literally call your vet to tell them you desire to put down the very pet you love. With Ginger it was easier because I didn't get any warning whatsoever. I just thought it was going to be a normal vet visit, but Sandy I had to make a choice to either continue to have her in my presence and hope she gets better, always wondering if she will recover, or end her suffering. They gave me a same day appointment for 7:30pm and it was 5pm that time.. ..and I accepted it.. ..then I knew my time with her was coming to a close.. ...I spent those two hours knowing I was soon going to lose her and just pet her there while taking pictures and recording my last moments with her. She accepted as much petting as she could but it had come to a point that literally even purring caused her to lose her breath and get winded so she would have to move away until she could catch her breath. About 30 minutes before the appointment, I put some cat treats infront of her so Panda would come down from the cat tree and spend those moments with her. He did, and Sandy also ate some treats along with Panda and I took one final picture of her and Panda together... ...Sandy eventually got up and got on my bed, Panda went about being Panda.. ..and then I had to load her into her Kennel knowing this was going to be the last time I would see her.. ..it broke me to pieces watching her become the fearful little feral when she was in the Kennel not knowing where she was going or what was going to happen next...

When I got there, they loaded me into a room and I made sure Sandy could see me at all times.. ..they took Sandy back and wrapped her in a towel and put a needle in her leg.. ..they came back with her so she could be with me and when I saw her wrapped up in that towel with her little head sticking out I literally cried out "Oh my god that's my baby!" and bursted into tears as I took her into my arms. They gave me some more alone time with her and I just pet her face while she remained coddled in that towel and I kept reminding her that I loved her and I didnt want to do this to her and that she was my baby. I told her I want her to remember that I love her and I dont want her to come back to this world, I just want her to wait for me to come home. I then told her but if she does have to come back, find me.. ..and I will take care of her again... ...afterward it was time.. ..I played the soft music that she used to listen to when she was terrified in my bedroom and I sang the song I used to sing to her to put her to relax her so she would feel comfortable enough to go to sleep.. ..It wasn't quite the same as it was with Ginger. Ginger was struggling and gasping for air and trying his best to move before I felt him go limb. Sandy didn't move at all. ...I literally felt no difference between the point where she was living in my arms and the point where she fell asleep.. ..none the less after it was over I broke down into tears infront of everyone knowing it was over.. ..and I wouldn't see her when I returned home.. ..That night was just as it was with Ginger.. ..me falling asleep in tears, waking up at random hours crying and falling back to sleep... except she would also not be in my room coming to my face wondering what on earth Im doing or rubbing against my feet or my head or looking down at my face when I wake up begging for me to pet her....

I really miss my baby. Its like a nightmare I cant wake up from, expecting to see her there and she is no longer there and the fact that this happened almost right after Ginger.

It is so difficult, it is the worst thing we have to deal with in my opinion (losing loved ones).

" I just know he's in a better place." - Ginger and Sandy are together, safe and at peace. Waiting for you and their other family members in time. In the meantime, they are with you in your heart, in spirit and are looking over you with total love.

"I miss Sandy so much. It is difficult going into my own bedroom now because that is where I kept her so she wouldnt have conflicts with the other cats and also so I could continue to socialize her. " - It is so hard. BUT remember the good times you have had with her there. The love you shared, the trust.

"There were times I thought she would never be friendly to me and that she would never come around and times I even considered giving up and accepting she would always be feral and never socialize but I never could and remained patient and unconditional and she slowly began to surprise me each succession after another before she acted almost like an ordinary house cat toward me. She was my baby. I probably babied her a good bit more than the other cats because of how scared of people she was and how harsh her life was before I obtained her." - You gave her a great life, full of love, full of trust and she responded. It truly is wonderful.

"I lost two of my most precious babies both to cancer in just one year. It is so difficult to deal with." - I know. Loss is never easy BUT you have to remember all the good times, the lvoe you gave and the love you received. It is never long enough but to have that for a moment is truly a gift.

"Sandy used to come running to me from the other side of the room or from my bathroom whenever I came home so she could placate her head all over my heels and legs and rub up against me even while I was still walking.. ..arcing against my legs, wouldnt even let me move sometimes until I just stopped what I was doing and get down on my knees and pet her and even let me pick her up and put her on my lap and she would melt her face in my palm and let me pet her. I never thought she especially as a feral would ever gain this much trust in me. I thought she would only come to tolerate me. She used to sleep on my bible. She sought it out to sleep on. It was like she knew what it was. She came to the point where she would even let me rest my face on her and fall asleep on her without attacking me or running away. " - It is wonderful. Proof that any cat can respond to true love and love back. No question, cats have souls and emotions. And they are in heaven waiting for us.

"She truly loved me and I loved her back." - EXACTLY!!! That is what life is all about. Finding that very special gift. You not only gave her life by saving her, you gave her total love and she gave you total love back. So many people never achieve that feeling. You have. That gift is so special.

"I miss her to a decree that I cannot put into words." - ONly those of us that have lost can truly feel it and yes, no words can describe the feeling. BUT those that feel it know.

" Now all of that is gone when I come into my room and its just an emptiness in her place... ...I put her food dish up, its in my closet along with Ginger's." -

"Panda on the other hand hasn't seemed to notice yet, he is still playing with Baxter, Louis, and Lana and seeming to enjoy himself." - He will need you. I am so glad he has other cats to help him through his grief. He will notice and he will need you.

"Panda and Sandy were extremely close when I got them. He was her trailblazer and her protector. In the business park, she never came out of hiding unless Panda was out too. I remember seeing her for the first time, she was sitting down on the pavement looking right at me from a good distance. Just staring at me, and I squatted down and slow blinked and extended my hand and quietly spoke to her. She didn't do anything at first. I tried to slowly move toward her while remaining as low as possible but she eventually got up and ran into the trees." - Yes

"When I scheduled the euthanization, I knew I had to schedule it same day or I would change my mind. It was the sickest feeling in the world to literally call your vet to tell them you desire to put down the very pet you love." - I know. But you did it out of love for her. So she didn't suffer, be in pain.

"With Ginger it was easier because I didn't get any warning whatsoever. I just thought it was going to be a normal vet visit, but Sandy I had to make a choice to either continue to have her in my presence and hope she gets better, always wondering if she will recover, or end her suffering. They gave me a same day appointment for 7:30pm and it was 5pm that time.. ..and I accepted it.. ..then I knew my time with her was coming to a close.. ..." - Yes

"I spent those two hours knowing I was soon going to lose her and just pet her there while taking pictures and recording my last moments with her. " - That is wonderful.

"She accepted as much petting as she could but it had come to a point that literally even purring caused her to lose her breath and get winded so she would have to move away until she could catch her breath." - It was a sign it was best.

"About 30 minutes before the appointment, I put some cat treats infront of her so Panda would come down from the cat tree and spend those moments with her. He did, and Sandy also ate some treats along with Panda and I took one final picture of her and Panda together... ..." - That was wonderful!!!

"Sandy eventually got up and got on my bed, Panda went about being Panda.. ..and then I had to load her into her Kennel knowing this was going to be the last time I would see her.. ..it broke me to pieces watching her become the fearful little feral when she was in the Kennel not knowing where she was going or what was going to happen next..." -

"When I got there, they loaded me into a room and I made sure Sandy could see me at all times.. ..they took Sandy back and wrapped her in a towel and put a needle in her leg.. ..they came back with her so she could be with me and when I saw her wrapped up in that towel with her little head sticking out I literally cried out "Oh my god that's my baby!" and bursted into tears as I took her into my arms. They gave me some more alone time with her and I just pet her face while she remained coddled in that towel and I kept reminding her that I loved her and I didnt want to do this to her and that she was my baby. " -

"I told her I want her to remember that I love her" - She knows. And always will.

"and I dont want her to come back to this world, I just want her to wait for me to come home. I then told her but if she does have to come back, find me.. ..and I will take care of her again... ...afterward it was time.. ..I played the soft music that she used to listen to when she was terrified in my bedroom and I sang the song I used to sing to her to put her to relax her so she would feel comfortable enough to go to sleep.. .." - That is wonderful

"It wasn't quite the same as it was with Ginger. Ginger was struggling and gasping for air and trying his best to move before I felt him go limb. Sandy didn't move at all. ...I literally felt no difference between the point where she was living in my arms and the point where she fell asleep.. ." - I am so glad Sandy was comfortable..

"none the less after it was over I broke down into tears infront of everyone knowing it was over.. .." - It is ok, it is good you let your emotions out.

"and I wouldn't see her when I returned home.. ..That night was just as it was with Ginger.. ..me falling asleep in tears, waking up at random hours crying and falling back to sleep... except she would also not be in my room coming to my face wondering what on earth Im doing or rubbing against my feet or my head or looking down at my face when I wake up begging for me to pet her...." -

"I really miss my baby. Its like a nightmare I cant wake up from, expecting to see her there and she is no longer there and the fact that this happened almost right after Ginger. " - I know.

You are an amazing person. You give your cats life and love. You sacrifice for them, give them the best life possible. Loss is so hard but I hope in time you think about all the good times you have had with them. The love you felt, the love they felt. There happiness. The fact they have lead great lives. It is never fair, or long enough. But life comes with a physical end but the spiritual life remains. In our hearts and in heaven. It is not goodbye, it is see you soon. I believe we are all reunited with our loved ones. You should have no regrets, you gave Sandy and Ginger life, love and happiness. And I know you will give all your current and future cats the same. Please be proud, be happy as to what gifts you have given and received.

We all are always here for you. We all have gone through this heartbreaking phase of life. Thank you for sharing and all you have done for Ginger, Sandy and all your cats.

 

[maggiemay]

I was present, kneeling over my beloved angel Marley when she passed, at home. I FELT her soul pass into me. This is how I know for sure that the soul endures. Of course we are to take it on Faith, but this proved it in real life terms.
You may still receive visits from Sandy and from Ginger. You may see them out the corner of your eye. You may even hear them. It happens. Be aware. But even if you do not see or hear them, they ARE watching over you.
We mourn for ourselves when our loved ones pass from this earth, NOT for them. They are in a place that surpasses anything we could ever imagine. And all of the suffering, pain, and bad experiences they have experienced in this life is gone, wiped away. This is something I always try to stay focused on when one of my beloved ones ascends. The pain we feel is the pain of our loss of them, physically. It is unendurable, and yet we do endure.
I lost my father and one of my beloved cats within one week. I remember so clearly standing in the vet's saying to the person who was with me there, "I can't endure it!" and him saying, "You MUST."
And I have.
And you will, too. Know that Sandy, and Ginger, are very, very well! and that they love you.

I highly recommend two books by Amelia Kinkade, a world-renowned animal communicator (she works with Queen Elizabeth’s horses). They are “Straight From the Horse’s Mouth” and “The Language of Miracles.” She tells story after story of animals who have crossed over being completely aware of their pet parent’s current lives, down to the smallest details, they still ARE. They have advice and opinions. These books have helped me immensely. For those who are interested, there is a meditation at the end of one of them that allows you to “visit“ your baby. I, too, have caught a flash of fur out of the corner of my eye, many times. They are still with us, for sure. Mike you and I spoke via PM, I so hope you will consider ordering these books, they will help you more than you know. Hugs,

 

[MikeAW2010]

I made this for Sandy.
Her memorial. I'm going to frame it and put it on my wall beside Ginger's.
I miss her to death right now.

 

[tarasgirl06]

I made this for Sandy.
Her memorial. I'm going to frame it and put it on my wall beside Ginger's.
I miss her to death right now.
View attachment 392651

You are promised this and certainly you shall! That is one of my favorite Scriptures. It is a measurement few seem to apply to themselves, and something to strive to live up to and within. It is certainly embodied in Sandy!

 

[calicosrspecial]

I made this for Sandy.
Her memorial. I'm going to frame it and put it on my wall beside Ginger's.
I miss her to death right now.
View attachment 392651

BEAUTIFUL!!!!

 

[MikeAW2010]

On Friday, my boss called me into the office. This was the first time in awhile that I have really had to go into the office and coincidentally it would also happen the day after I put Sandy down. The days working remotely helped give me time to tend to Sandy and spend personal time with her as well as treating her cancer. I wouldn’t have had time to do it otherwise.

When I got there, I exited my car and as soon as I went to close my door, a Dragonfly flew in pretty close by me and circled the roof of my car for a moment then flew off toward the trees. I immediately thought to myself… ‘Sandy’ …

Last night before I went to bed, I remember, Sandy liked to sleep on my Bible and she also liked to listen to a pastor (Joshua Selmon) I listen to while going to sleep. She would become very calm and comfortable whenever he was speaking. Well. I wanted to feel close to Sandy so I put on another sermon of his on YouTube and fell asleep. I woke up with his sermons still playing and started crying because they reminded me of her and I knew she wasn’t there. Baxter then came to my face kind of like the way Sandy would rub against my face in the morning and he forcefully pushed his head into my cheek. I at first thought maybe he was just being Baxter but then he reassuringly pushed harder causing me to turn my head a bit as if he was trying to tell me it wasn’t a fluke. He held his head on my cheek for a good while before he let up… and then I began to wonder if Sandy was still talking to me.

I don’t know about reincarnation but I decided to look it up and saw similar signs of spirits talking to people, and maybe Sandy is still there… I don’t know if I should try to look for her again or if I should just wait until the afterlife.

 

[Talien]

You won't need to go looking for her, she'll find you.

 

[tarasgirl06]

On Friday, my boss called me into the office. This was the first time in awhile that I have really had to go into the office and coincidentally it would also happen the day after I put Sandy down. The days working remotely helped give me time to tend to Sandy and spend personal time with her as well as treating her cancer. I wouldn’t have had time to do it otherwise.

When I got there, I exited my car and as soon as I went to close my door, a Dragonfly flew in pretty close by me and circled the roof of my car for a moment then flew off toward the trees. I immediately thought to myself… ‘Sandy’ …

Last night before I went to bed, I remember, Sandy liked to sleep on my Bible and she also liked to listen to a pastor (Joshua Selmon) I listen to while going to sleep. She would become very calm and comfortable whenever he was speaking. Well. I wanted to feel close to Sandy so I put on another sermon of his on YouTube and fell asleep. I woke up with his sermons still playing and started crying because they reminded me of her and I knew she wasn’t there. Baxter then came to my face kind of like the way Sandy would rub against my face in the morning and he forcefully pushed his head into my cheek. I at first thought maybe he was just being Baxter but then he reassuringly pushed harder causing me to turn my head a bit as if he was trying to tell me it wasn’t a fluke. He held his head on my cheek for a good while before he let up… and then I began to wonder if Sandy was still talking to me.

I don’t know about reincarnation but I decided to look it up and saw similar signs of spirits talking to people, and maybe Sandy is still there… I don’t know if I should try to look for her again or if I should just wait until the afterlife.

Well, I don't believe there are any "shoulds" to it. You have to do what is right for YOU, and there is no blueprint for that.
Personally, I do believe that there are many Messages for those whose hearts and souls are open to them. How you interpret things that happen is personal for you. No one can say definitively that "this is right" and "this isn't how it is" -- it is a journey you take, in your own time and in your own way. We say that there are as many paths to god as there are seekers. What happens after a loved one ascends is also a path for those left here on earth. All I would say is, be receptive. And as my mom used to say, be quiet within.

 

[MikeAW2010]

Baxter also began giving me - back massages - literally real back massages at near chiropractor level grade -


He started doing this right after Ginger passed away. He had never done it before. He does it anytime I lay down on the floor. I’ve always been wondering if maybe that was Ginger trying to comfort me. I actually have back issues and regularly have seen chiropractors but haven’t been able to really go to one regularly lately. As crazy as it sounds the massages really help.

 

[tarasgirl06]

Baxter also began giving me - back massages - literally real back massages at near chiropractor level grade -


He started doing this right after Ginger passed away. He had never done it before. He does it anytime I lay down on the floor. I’ve always been wondering if maybe that was Ginger trying to comfort me. I actually have back issues and regularly have seen chiropractors but haven’t been able to really go to one regularly lately. As crazy as it sounds the massages really help.

This is wonderful, what Baxter is doing! I have read quite a few accounts of cats offering physical help to people, so it doesn't surprise me; and since some experts believe cats are more sensitive emotionally than people (and I agree), Baxter is probably also very aware of how you have been feeling emotionally, and because you love one another, he is offering his help in this way for that reason as well.

 

[calicosrspecial]

On Friday, my boss called me into the office. This was the first time in awhile that I have really had to go into the office and coincidentally it would also happen the day after I put Sandy down. The days working remotely helped give me time to tend to Sandy and spend personal time with her as well as treating her cancer. I wouldn’t have had time to do it otherwise.

When I got there, I exited my car and as soon as I went to close my door, a Dragonfly flew in pretty close by me and circled the roof of my car for a moment then flew off toward the trees. I immediately thought to myself… ‘Sandy’ …

Last night before I went to bed, I remember, Sandy liked to sleep on my Bible and she also liked to listen to a pastor (Joshua Selmon) I listen to while going to sleep. She would become very calm and comfortable whenever he was speaking. Well. I wanted to feel close to Sandy so I put on another sermon of his on YouTube and fell asleep. I woke up with his sermons still playing and started crying because they reminded me of her and I knew she wasn’t there. Baxter then came to my face kind of like the way Sandy would rub against my face in the morning and he forcefully pushed his head into my cheek. I at first thought maybe he was just being Baxter but then he reassuringly pushed harder causing me to turn my head a bit as if he was trying to tell me it wasn’t a fluke. He held his head on my cheek for a good while before he let up… and then I began to wonder if Sandy was still talking to me.

I don’t know about reincarnation but I decided to look it up and saw similar signs of spirits talking to people, and maybe Sandy is still there… I don’t know if I should try to look for her again or if I should just wait until the afterlife.

Often, when I am feeling sad, down, etc a cat will attempt to let me know everything will be ok. It is amazing how intuitive and loving they are.

I will say, about a week ago during the evening I felt a cat rub on my face. I felt the pressure and the fur. I immediately woke up and say my tabby that passed away 4.5 years ago. She was there for about 5 seconds before fading away. I just saw her face, not her body and she was fairly transparent. She was slightly above me and the bed. There were no other cats in the room at the time or even on the floor ( I went downstairs to look and account for everyone). They were sleeping and two got up to come to me. I actually was not even thinking about my tabby for a while before that. I have experienced that twice before where a loved one came to tell me "it is ok". I honestly believe their souls are in heaven. Her visit and reassurance to me helped me feel something special, almost like a total calmness take over. I woke up wide awake, was it a dream left over? I don't think so because I was immediately awake when I saw her ( I sleep light and wake up easily). I believe she visited me to help me handle the recent issues.

I truly believe Ginger and Sandy are in heaven watching over you and may even reassure you if needed.

 

[MikeAW2010]

I wonder if she sent Baxter to comfort me during those moments.

I miss her so much right now. There's moments where I feel almost completely normal and then moments where I don't know how I'm going to get through the rest of this life without my babies. Walking into my bedroom closet is a challenge now because she used to sprint into my closet whenever I opened the door and I would have to carry her out. As her cancer progressed and I began to realize I may not be able to save her, I decided to allow her to lay and sleep in my closet and I went into my closet and slept with her. I remember frequently waking up in the middle of the night to make sure she was still there and still alive, and she would seem 'almost' normal as her breathing had time to catch up when she was resting and she would sit up and look at me and then prance over to me and rub against me as if nothing was wrong at all .. until she would run out of breath and walk over to another corner of my closet and lay on some clothes and I would go over to pet her. Panda still darts into my bedroom when its time to feed them because I would feed him and Sandy together in there. Now I'm only carrying his food in there and there is a tremendous abscense without that second bowl and without Sandy waiting at the door as soon as I open it looking up at me waiting on me to put the dish down for her. I've been leaving my bedroom door open now so Panda can interact with the other cats at all times and he doesn't get lonely inside my bedroom.

There's nowhere to hide from this grief.

I ordered a Canva's for the image I made for her memorial and it should arrive next week and it will go on my wall next to Ginger's. I guess I need to get a shelf to mount so I can also mount her urn up there too.

 

[tarasgirl06]

I wonder if she sent Baxter to comfort me during those moments.

I miss her so much right now. There's moments where I feel almost completely normal and then moments where I don't know how I'm going to get through the rest of this life without my babies. Walking into my bedroom closet is a challenge now because she used to sprint into my closet whenever I opened the door and I would have to carry her out. As her cancer progressed and I began to realize I may not be able to save her, I decided to allow her to lay and sleep in my closet and I went into my closet and slept with her. I remember frequently waking up in the middle of the night to make sure she was still there and still alive, and she would seem 'almost' normal as her breathing had time to catch up when she was resting and she would sit up and look at me and then prance over to me and rub against me as if nothing was wrong at all .. until she would run out of breath and walk over to another corner of my closet and lay on some clothes and I would go over to pet her. Panda still darts into my bedroom when its time to feed them because I would feed him and Sandy together in there. Now I'm only carrying his food in there and there is a tremendous abscense without that second bowl and without Sandy waiting at the door as soon as I open it looking up at me waiting on me to put the dish down for her. I've been leaving my bedroom door open now so Panda can interact with the other cats at all times and he doesn't get lonely inside my bedroom.

There's nowhere to hide from this grief.

I ordered a Canva's for the image I made for her memorial and it should arrive next week and it will go on my wall next to Ginger's. I guess I need to get a shelf to mount so I can also mount her urn up there too.

You are doing good things. Those are very supportive things for you right now and for the future.

 

[calicosrspecial]

I wonder if she sent Baxter to comfort me during those moments.

I miss her so much right now. There's moments where I feel almost completely normal and then moments where I don't know how I'm going to get through the rest of this life without my babies. Walking into my bedroom closet is a challenge now because she used to sprint into my closet whenever I opened the door and I would have to carry her out. As her cancer progressed and I began to realize I may not be able to save her, I decided to allow her to lay and sleep in my closet and I went into my closet and slept with her. I remember frequently waking up in the middle of the night to make sure she was still there and still alive, and she would seem 'almost' normal as her breathing had time to catch up when she was resting and she would sit up and look at me and then prance over to me and rub against me as if nothing was wrong at all .. until she would run out of breath and walk over to another corner of my closet and lay on some clothes and I would go over to pet her. Panda still darts into my bedroom when its time to feed them because I would feed him and Sandy together in there. Now I'm only carrying his food in there and there is a tremendous abscense without that second bowl and without Sandy waiting at the door as soon as I open it looking up at me waiting on me to put the dish down for her. I've been leaving my bedroom door open now so Panda can interact with the other cats at all times and he doesn't get lonely inside my bedroom.

There's nowhere to hide from this grief.

I ordered a Canva's for the image I made for her memorial and it should arrive next week and it will go on my wall next to Ginger's. I guess I need to get a shelf to mount so I can also mount her urn up there too.

"I wonder if she sent Baxter to comfort me during those moments." - Possible. BUT I do think Baxter feels your anguish and is trying to let you know that he loves you and all will be well.

"I miss her so much right now." - I know. :/ It is a horrible feeling. I still have moments where I miss them years and years after. :/

"There's moments where I feel almost completely normal and then moments where I don't know how I'm going to get through the rest of this life without my babies." - Yes, the ups and downs happen so often but they do lessen in time as we go through the grieving process. You WILL get through it. Your other cats need you, future cats need you, and the world needs you. It is so hard but you will get through the process, get to understand and accept the horrible loss. And Sandy is in your heart so cherish those good times you have had.

"Walking into my bedroom closet is a challenge now because she used to sprint into my closet whenever I opened the door and I would have to carry her out. As her cancer progressed and I began to realize I may not be able to save her, I decided to allow her to lay and sleep in my closet and I went into my closet and slept with her. I remember frequently waking up in the middle of the night to make sure she was still there and still alive, and she would seem 'almost' normal as her breathing had time to catch up when she was resting and she would sit up and look at me and then prance over to me and rub against me as if nothing was wrong at all .. until she would run out of breath and walk over to another corner of my closet and lay on some clothes and I would go over to pet her." - Memories will be everywhere. But that love should bring happy thoughts. Over time, the love will overtake the pain, the good memories will overtake the bad. Sandy wants you to remember the good, the love, the happy. She wants you to celebrate her life with you. She is at peace now.

"Panda still darts into my bedroom when its time to feed them because I would feed him and Sandy together in there." - Awwwwwwww

"Now I'm only carrying his food in there and there is a tremendous abscense without that second bowl and without Sandy waiting at the door as soon as I open it looking up at me waiting on me to put the dish down for her." - :/ I know. I still feel that often, too often. BUT I try to remember the good times, the love.

"I've been leaving my bedroom door open now so Panda can interact with the other cats at all times and he doesn't get lonely inside my bedroom." - That is great!!!

"There's nowhere to hide from this grief." - No, there isn't BUT you shouldn't hide from it. Face it, feel it. It is ok. And try to understand that you should be proud you had the chance to spend any time with her let alone the time you had full of pure love. That time together is special.

"I ordered a Canva's for the image I made for her memorial and it should arrive next week and it will go on my wall next to Ginger's. I guess I need to get a shelf to mount so I can also mount her urn up there too. " - THAT is wonderful. It will be beautiful.

You do really great work on those. I wonder if you might pursue that for other people (on Etsy or something) to help them in their times of grief.

Hang in there. Everything you are feeling we all have gone through. It is horrible. BUT it is part of life. I often miss mine. Some have my ferals have gone tragically which is very haunting, others have gone in better ways (there is no good way). But we feel that horrible feeling because we love BUT that love does help us through. It is all worth it, to feel that love is the most special gift. Please celebrate Sandy's life and the gifts you gave her the the gift she gave you. And please be proud of the amazing things you are doing for all the cats.

 

[tarasgirl06]

C calicosrspecial A post after my own heart. Yes, on every thing you wrote, and feel, and so of course for you as well, M MikeAW2010 -- I have put away different things from my loved ones and when I see them, it is like being stabbed in the heart but then, I also have the beautiful memories of the times we shared, in photos, videos, plain memories, plants and resting places in some cases, and yes, in their personal effects. For me, the pain does not lessen with time, it just comes less frequently as I go about my extremely busy life including sharing for cats in need of the loving homes such as we give/have given our loved ones. They bring, and teach, us so much.