Venting....

[Lari]

Ignore my shoes. lol i was more focused on keeping an eye on them both.

Your shoes are cute! I'm just proud of myself that I understood most of what you were saying.

She says i need to learn to compromise with people, that i might have to cook for someone, and he might not want to deal with the cat hair and litter.

Plenty of men love cats! The good ones, do anyway. It's really tough when someone, but especially a sibling, seems to have a charmed life while you struggle. You have been through a lot and you're stronger for it and you deserve blessings. Whether or not you have biological children, or adopted children, or step children, I think you would be a very caring mother, and I really hope you meet someone that will love and appreciate you for all your strengths and faults and you will be able to create a family. I know now is not the best time for dating - my brother is currently doing video/Skype dates which he says are a bit weird and awkward, but you are an amazing person.

If you're doing online dating at all, have you ever read Data, A Love Story? It was actually recommended to me not long after I met my husband, but I figured I'd read it so I could brush up on my profile if it didn't work out. It was pretty fascinating!

 

[terestrife]

Why would the Supreme Being create us all unique and different if that was not part of the Plan? If we were all the same, what a terrible, boring, colorless place this would be, don't you agree?
People do have unique talents and abilities. Perhaps your sister does have these things she says she has. I have what some call "the sight" and I do not regard it as such a blessing but more a sorrow, because it is most often to let me know that I am about to lose someone. It has happened far too often for me not to "believe" it. Call it an early warning system. I respect it. But it is not something I am "proud" of and never something I would exploit.
As for "being alone" -- you are not alone. When people have said that to me, I reply that I am not "alone" with my beloved feline FAMILY MEMBERS. If the people don't agree or understand, it's their matter, not mine. And I also have a strong personality and a fiery temper (you might have guessed that by now!) but I have been married three times (and always, with beloved cats). Having an strong identity does not mean people will not be attracted to you/be able to live with you. My background is extended family and patriarchal, but within that, my father was proud of my abilities and encouraged them; it was my mother, who was my best friend, who tended to try to get me to stay quiet and in the background, and to "fit in" because that was HER background and she tried to protect me from being my own worst enemy, so to speak.
In my background, our ancestors are with us, watching over us and protecting us. I have a place I go to to pray, and I also thank my parents and ancestors every day and ask them to stay with me always. They are not far from us! We cannot see, hear, or touch them, but they are near us. Love does not end when the soul departs for a much better place than this one. And our Beloved Creator wants us to prosper and to know we are Loved. How could it not be so?

I do understand and i have seen some things before they happen. I saw my mother choking in blood a few days before she passed. I just find my sisters predictions to be so convenient, and she explains away the ones that dont happen by saying we are going to be taken by the rapture and maybe it will happen in the next life. lol

I do understand that i am not alone, and i dearly love my cats. But i have always struggled with a sense of loneliness even when i am surrounded by people. Also, i love children so much. I have always wanted to be a mother, and have dedicated so much of my life to raising my nieces and nephews.

p.s. i dont mind your temper XD. I admire your confidence in saying what you want and you arent afraid, my mother was like that. But you're kind and thats what matters. I feel her close to me all the time, just like you said. I dont think people truly leave us when they pass away.

Your shoes are cute! I'm just proud of myself that I understood most of what you were saying.



Plenty of men love cats! The good ones, do anyway. It's really tough when someone, but especially a sibling, seems to have a charmed life while you struggle. You have been through a lot and you're stronger for it and you deserve blessings. Whether or not you have biological children, or adopted children, or step children, I think you would be a very caring mother, and I really hope you meet someone that will love and appreciate you for all your strengths and faults and you will be able to create a family. I know now is not the best time for dating - my brother is currently doing video/Skype dates which he says are a bit weird and awkward, but you are an amazing person.

If you're doing online dating at all, have you ever read Data, A Love Story? It was actually recommended to me not long after I met my husband, but I figured I'd read it so I could brush up on my profile if it didn't work out. It was pretty fascinating!

lol i learned to speak english and spanish at the same time, so i tend to switch back and forth. I put an effort at work to avoid doing that.

I have thought about doing online dating, but i am very shy. I'm not very good with putting myself out there. Every single guy i have ever liked has been unavailable or uninterested.

Thank you for saying i would be a caring mother. I was talking to a friend i made at work, and he told me he couldnt imagine me never having a child. Its hard to hear things like that sometimes, when i know the possibility is there that it might never happen. Adoption is very expensive, and i dont know if i will end up having surgery. I'm not getting younger, so it sometimes feels like its better to just find my independence and give up on what i want. I always had this awful feeling that i would be alone in this life, and perhaps thats the way it is meant to be. I have carried that feeling since i was a teenager, and here i am in my 30s, still alone. lol

Thank you for your positive wishes, it means a lot to me. I will check out the book you mentioned.

 

[Lari]

You can see how much you adore your mom in that photo by your face and body language.

I wish I could speak two languages fluently! I'm stronger in French than Spanish, but not fluent in either and wish I'd been able to learn two from birth.

It's never easy to be rejected, and there are a lot of duds online, but I never would have met my husband without it despite us living about a mile apart, so I'm grateful the option exists.

 

[tarasgirl06]

I do understand and i have seen some things before they happen. I saw my mother choking in blood a few days before she passed. I just find my sisters predictions to be so convenient, and she explains away the ones that dont happen by saying we are going to be taken by the rapture and maybe it will happen in the next life. lol

I do understand that i am not alone, and i dearly love my cats. But i have always struggled with a sense of loneliness even when i am surrounded by people. Also, i love children so much. I have always wanted to be a mother, and have dedicated so much of my life to raising my nieces and nephews.

p.s. i dont mind your temper XD. I admire your confidence in saying what you want and you arent afraid, my mother was like that. But you're kind and thats what matters. I feel her close to me all the time, just like you said. I dont think people truly leave us when they pass away.

I trust you guys so i thought i would share a personal picture. This was my mother and grandmother. I am the one with the blue tank top.
View attachment 331938



lol i learned to speak english and spanish at the same time, so i tend to switch back and forth. I put an effort at work to avoid doing that.

I have thought about doing online dating, but i am very shy. I'm not very good with putting myself out there. Every single guy i have ever liked has been unavailable or uninterested.

Thank you for saying i would be a caring mother. I was talking to a friend i made at work, and he told me he couldnt imagine me never having a child. Its hard to hear things like that sometimes, when i know the possibility is there that it might never happen. Adoption is very expensive, and i dont know if i will end up having surgery. I'm not getting younger, so it sometimes feels like its better to just find my independence and give up on what i want. I always had this awful feeling that i would be alone in this life, and perhaps thats the way it is meant to be. I have carried that feeling since i was a teenager, and here i am in my 30s, still alone. lol

Thank you for your positive wishes, it means a lot to me. I will check out the book you mentioned.

I'm exactly the same way. Who would be lonely in the midst of lots and lots of people? ME! So I absolutely understand. We were created male and female to procreate but also we are to be help to one another. We are to bond to one another. Of course, life is not like that in most, if not all, societies now, for so many reasons. So whatever we find in terms of relationships is bound to be fraught with discord. To me, I do not believe people in this materialistic, self-absorbed society could possibly know what love is, because they are not taught these good values and they certainly do not see any examples around them of what love IS. My oldest friend, whom I've known since 4 years old, and I both had very good, loving, caring, personally responsible parents who not only taught these values but tried to live them. They were not perfect -- no human is -- but they really tried to treat others as they wished to be treated, and that meant members of other species, not just humans. I remember my dad coming back from a golf game and telling us about these dogs he saw by the golf course, starving. One had a big growth on the belly. He was very concerned for them. He asked at the golf clubhouse if he could buy food for them and leave it with the staff, to feed the dogs. This is what happened. He helped many people, as did my mom. They gave what they could, when they could, to help spay and neuter cats (and dogs) and keep them comfortable at the clinic we went to. They helped homeless cats in our neighborhood. Of course these values were taught to me and I hold them to be top priority in my life. My temper is directed at those that are cruel, almost exclusively. Though I know children must be taught to be kind, and that a lot of people do not have this teaching in their lives, I instinctively react with a lot of anger toward anyone that is cruel.
A dear friend of mine was like that about kids, too, and she never married, so she finally did adopt a girl. She cut off communication with me before this happened -- I heard about it through a mutual friend -- but I hope it has been fulfilling for her and of course, good for the child.
You have a beautiful family!

 

[terestrife]

You can see how much you adore your mom in that photo by your face and body language.

I wish I could speak two languages fluently! I'm stronger in French than Spanish, but not fluent in either and wish I'd been able to learn two from birth.

It's never easy to be rejected, and there are a lot of duds online, but I never would have met my husband without it despite us living about a mile apart, so I'm grateful the option exists.

Its never too late to learn.

Thats awesome, i am happy you were able to meet a great guy online. Let me see if i can work up the courage to try. Thank you for sharing your own experience.

I'm exactly the same way. Who would be lonely in the midst of lots and lots of people? ME! So I absolutely understand. We were created male and female to procreate but also we are to be help to one another. We are to bond to one another. Of course, life is not like that in most, if not all, societies now, for so many reasons. So whatever we find in terms of relationships is bound to be fraught with discord. To me, I do not believe people in this materialistic, self-absorbed society could possibly know what love is, because they are not taught these good values and they certainly do not see any examples around them of what love IS. My oldest friend, whom I've known since 4 years old, and I both had very good, loving, caring, personally responsible parents who not only taught these values but tried to live them. They were not perfect -- no human is -- but they really tried to treat others as they wished to be treated, and that meant members of other species, not just humans. I remember my dad coming back from a golf game and telling us about these dogs he saw by the golf course, starving. One had a big growth on the belly. He was very concerned for them. He asked at the golf clubhouse if he could buy food for them and leave it with the staff, to feed the dogs. This is what happened. He helped many people, as did my mom. They gave what they could, when they could, to help spay and neuter cats (and dogs) and keep them comfortable at the clinic we went to. They helped homeless cats in our neighborhood. Of course these values were taught to me and I hold them to be top priority in my life. My temper is directed at those that are cruel, almost exclusively. Though I know children must be taught to be kind, and that a lot of people do not have this teaching in their lives, I instinctively react with a lot of anger toward anyone that is cruel.
A dear friend of mine was like that about kids, too, and she never married, so she finally did adopt a girl. She cut off communication with me before this happened -- I heard about it through a mutual friend -- but I hope it has been fulfilling for her and of course, good for the child.
You have a beautiful family!

Your parents sound like they were amazing people. I don't see much kindness like that anymore. i think the internet and social media has made people focus on themselves, and not on helping others. Its why i see parenting as so important. Kids are our future, and horrible people are guiding our children today. Its not right.

Most of the relationships i see are combative and negative. My sister seems to have a happy marriage, mostly because she seems to give in to him. Personally i cant be in a room with him longer than 5 minutes. He is the opinionated type that will argue to prove his point.

im sorry about your friendship ending, but it does give me hope that someone was able to adopt. I have heard its a very difficult, expensive process. Which saddens me. I understand they want a good home for the children with money. But they make things so difficult that kids stay stuck in foster care, with people that just want the money they get from having the children in their home. Most of these children end up in abusive situations.

 

[Lari]

Its never too late to learn.

Thats awesome, i am happy you were able to meet a great guy online. Let me see if i can work up the courage to try. Thank you for sharing your own experience.

I do French and Spanish Duolingo every day! I was okay in French back when I was studying abroad, and if I was ever immersed again, I'd probably be okay after a few months, but there's not always opportunities to practice.

No worries! Best of luck to you, no matter what you decide.

 

[tarasgirl06]

Its never too late to learn.

Thats awesome, i am happy you were able to meet a great guy online. Let me see if i can work up the courage to try. Thank you for sharing your own experience.




Your parents sound like they were amazing people. I don't see much kindness like that anymore. i think the internet and social media has made people focus on themselves, and not on helping others. Its why i see parenting as so important. Kids are our future, and horrible people are guiding our children today. Its not right.

Most of the relationships i see are combative and negative. My sister seems to have a happy marriage, mostly because she seems to give in to him. Personally i cant be in a room with him longer than 5 minutes. He is the opinionated type that will argue to prove his point.

im sorry about your friendship ending, but it does give me hope that someone was able to adopt. I have heard its a very difficult, expensive process. Which saddens me. I understand they want a good home for the children with money. But they make things so difficult that kids stay stuck in foster care, with people that just want the money they get from having the children in their home. Most of these children end up in abusive situations.

I don't know any of the details in their adoption process, but I DO know that my friend did not have a lot of money. She lived in an apartment and had a job that didn't pay a huge amount by any means. She did want kids all her life, I guess, and felt incomplete without them. I don't know why she never married as she was really beautiful, funny, friendly, kind, stylish, and intelligent. I think it was more that she didn't find a guy who was right for her. She even tried online dating and told me that one of the guys took her out on his boat and threatened her life!!! so that put me forever off that avenue of meeting people, if I wasn't wary before (I've never done online dating and never would.) There are so many kids, here and everywhere else, who desperately need homes! The brother and sister-in-law of a dear friend of mine adopted two girls and they are now grown. They provided them a very stable and caring home life, middle-class, not rich, and I don't really know them personally, but I think they made a very nice family together. Faith (Catholic) is very important in their lives. They are very good people.

Your nephew is adorable! And yes, your shoes are cute, too. And yes again, GOOD MEN LOVE CATS. All of the men in my family have, going back forever, as far as I know. Almost all of the families in my extended family have had, and loved, cats. And we kids would all be taught how to be gentle, loving, and respectful of cats.

 

[terestrife]

I do French and Spanish Duolingo every day! I was okay in French back when I was studying abroad, and if I was ever immersed again, I'd probably be okay after a few months, but there's not always opportunities to practice.

No worries! Best of luck to you, no matter what you decide.

Thats awesome. Opportunities open up when you speak different languages. I think something that helps is watching shows in the language you are interested in learning. You start picking up new words, and how they are used. I find my vocabulary improves when i watch spanish soap operas. I used to watch them with my mom.

I don't know any of the details in their adoption process, but I DO know that my friend did not have a lot of money. She lived in an apartment and had a job that didn't pay a huge amount by any means. She did want kids all her life, I guess, and felt incomplete without them. I don't know why she never married as she was really beautiful, funny, friendly, kind, stylish, and intelligent. I think it was more that she didn't find a guy who was right for her. She even tried online dating and told me that one of the guys took her out on his boat and threatened her life!!! so that put me forever off that avenue of meeting people, if I wasn't wary before (I've never done online dating and never would.) There are so many kids, here and everywhere else, who desperately need homes! The brother and sister-in-law of a dear friend of mine adopted two girls and they are now grown. They provided them a very stable and caring home life, middle-class, not rich, and I don't really know them personally, but I think they made a very nice family together. Faith (Catholic) is very important in their lives. They are very good people.

Your nephew is adorable! And yes, your shoes are cute, too. And yes again, GOOD MEN LOVE CATS. All of the men in my family have, going back forever, as far as I know. Almost all of the families in my extended family have had, and loved, cats. And we kids would all be taught how to be gentle, loving, and respectful of cats.

Once i am more financially stable i will definitely look into the adoption process. Thank you for the compliment to my nephew. Lol Hes so energetic that its tiring.

By the way, my shoes are crocs. Its all that i wear lol.

Thats always been my fear with online dating. Meeting someone crazy. It reminds me of that Shannon Watts case she met her husband online and he was insane.

i think my sister is just obsessed with complaining about the cats, thats why she worries a man wont put up with a pet. But ive seen men that love cats even on this forum. lol I think the biggest thing stopping me from meeting someone is myself. Every time i think about putting myself out there i hear this negative voice in my head telling me that any guy i meet can do better than me, so it would be a waste of time.

 

[Willowy]

I have heard its a very difficult, expensive process.

I've been told that adopting from foster care doesn't cost much. Private adoptions do though, especially going through an adoption agency. Many people don't want to adopt from foster care because the kids have probably had traumatic pasts, and may have some serious issues from that. But they also give the adoptive parents a lot of support, classes and stuff, to learn how to deal with issues. I'm sure it varies by state too.

Every time i think about putting myself out there i hear this negative voice in my head telling me that any guy i meet can do better than me, so it would be a waste of time.

Just remember, there's a key for every lock. No matter what someone is like, there's somebody out there who wants that. They just have to find each other .

 

[Talien]

Being opinionated isn't bad, it's how you act on it. I mean someone can be opinionated without being a jerk about it, if someone shares their opinions and leaves it at that, even if it comes off strong, rather than constantly trying to push it on other people then chances are they'll be respected more.

As for anyone who would say "it's me or the Cat".....well, that's when you get to say say "k bye" and give them a complimentary one way ticket on boot to the ass airlines.

And yeah, it might be worth your while to look into foster children. You certainly have a lot of love to give and many of them definitely need it, especially the older ones.

 

[tarasgirl06]

BIG UPS Talien
And terestrife I'd say it's the other way around. To find a person who is loving, caring and compassionate is a rare thing in this society and this world. We're mammals. We're hardwired to care. We're also hardwired to seek caring, not just when we're babies, but all our lives. Any man worth the name is going to be looking for someone who cares! and any man worth any of your time is going to care about cats and about you. So I hope you can just work on getting that idea right out of your head, because it does not belong there.
As the proud owner of some of the planet's worst feet, I have crocs in black, brown, blue, and pink. My favorite shoes are called Klogs, though. They're clompy clogs, but they're comfortable and kind of stylish and I like them, and that's that.
True crime shows are some of my favorites and so I see a lot of terrible stuff people do to others, but THAT case is hands down just about the worst I've ever heard about. And I'm like you when it comes to looking for relationships. After 3 marriages, though, I do NOT want another one. I actually have a boyfriend who lives in another country (well, we had a relationship, and then we didn't, and now I don't know what we are to one another, exactly, but he's a kind, nice, funny, good guy and treats me with respect) and that's really enough for me. I'm not looking to have kids or anything, and I've done so much going out I don't need to do any more, really. In your situation, though, I hope you can look into adoption in time, whether or not there's a (good, kind) man in your life. My friend who adopted did not have a relationship and she was still approved to adopt. *And yes, she's a cat loving woman!*

 

[Lari]

I've never worn crocs, but as a preschool teacher I hated when parents sent their kids to school in them, especially on gym days. There were way more injuries running around in them than sneakers.

 

[tarasgirl06]

I've never worn crocs, but as a preschool teacher I hated when parents sent their kids to school in them, especially on gym days. There were way more injuries running around in them than sneakers.

Yeah, on some surfaces they are NOT good at all. And yeah, probably not great for running.

 

[terestrife]

I've been told that adopting from foster care doesn't cost much. Private adoptions do though, especially going through an adoption agency. Many people don't want to adopt from foster care because the kids have probably had traumatic pasts, and may have some serious issues from that. But they also give the adoptive parents a lot of support, classes and stuff, to learn how to deal with issues. I'm sure it varies by state too.

Just remember, there's a key for every lock. No matter what someone is like, there's somebody out there who wants that. They just have to find each other .

Thank you for the information. I didn't know much about fostering/adopting.

I like what you said about there being a key for every lock. lol I never thought about it like that before.

Being opinionated isn't bad, it's how you act on it. I mean someone can be opinionated without being a jerk about it, if someone shares their opinions and leaves it at that, even if it comes off strong, rather than constantly trying to push it on other people then chances are they'll be respected more.

As for anyone who would say "it's me or the Cat".....well, that's when you get to say say "k bye" and give them a complimentary one way ticket on boot to the ass airlines.

And yeah, it might be worth your while to look into foster children. You certainly have a lot of love to give and many of them definitely need it, especially the older ones.

I do agree, theres nothing wrong with speaking your mind and voicing your opinions. I just cant handle people like my sisters husband. He will continue arguing and trying to get everyone to agree with him. Personally, i just voice my opinion, its up to others whether or not they agree.

He tries to push parenting advice on my niece, when he wasnt even there for his own kids. He obsessively tries to get her to listen to his advice. He was even softly smacking her childs hands to teach her how to discipline him. Thats the kind of opinionated people i cant stand, that think they are right, and will butt into your life.

thank you for your advice. That is exactly what i told my sister. I wouldnt waste time on someone that hates cats or is allergic to them. She was trying to tell me that i might meet someone allergic to cats. I dont get why the conversation was necessary at all when she knows i feel down talking about things like that.

BIG UPS Talien
And terestrife I'd say it's the other way around. To find a person who is loving, caring and compassionate is a rare thing in this society and this world. We're mammals. We're hardwired to care. We're also hardwired to seek caring, not just when we're babies, but all our lives. Any man worth the name is going to be looking for someone who cares! and any man worth any of your time is going to care about cats and about you. So I hope you can just work on getting that idea right out of your head, because it does not belong there.
As the proud owner of some of the planet's worst feet, I have crocs in black, brown, blue, and pink. My favorite shoes are called Klogs, though. They're clompy clogs, but they're comfortable and kind of stylish and I like them, and that's that.
True crime shows are some of my favorites and so I see a lot of terrible stuff people do to others, but THAT case is hands down just about the worst I've ever heard about. And I'm like you when it comes to looking for relationships. After 3 marriages, though, I do NOT want another one. I actually have a boyfriend who lives in another country (well, we had a relationship, and then we didn't, and now I don't know what we are to one another, exactly, but he's a kind, nice, funny, good guy and treats me with respect) and that's really enough for me. I'm not looking to have kids or anything, and I've done so much going out I don't need to do any more, really. In your situation, though, I hope you can look into adoption in time, whether or not there's a (good, kind) man in your life. My friend who adopted did not have a relationship and she was still approved to adopt. *And yes, she's a cat loving woman!*

I have heard good things about klogs. That they are great if you are on your feet a lot.I havent tried them myself,

I'm glad you have someone, even if he is far away. I think its nice to have someone you can reach out to and share companionship with. Its not my business, but i think you would have been a great influence to a child. I like your mindset, and kindness. I like that you have a strong moral compass that would have been a blessing to a child. I hope you dont take my comment as being nosey, as i dont think anyone should have a child if they dont want to. I mean it in a positive way.

I feel sad, because i met a guy a couple of years ago that fit me so perfectly, but unfortunately it was never going to work out. He was my boss at my last job, and is struggling with cancer. He was told he wouldnt live past a year of his diagnosis, but is still going strong two years later.

He is probably the exact guy i always wanted to meet. He understands my ridiculous sense of humor and we would annoy people at work by making each other laugh. He is an amazing father, who is raising his son alone. He is a good person, who was always there when i needed help at work. And hes handsome. LOL I was always bugging him at work for help, and he never got annoyed. lol He has a very strong temper, but never lost his temper with a woman. I like men that are strong, without putting someone down.

I still talk to him on the phone. He has been supportive with my health issues, and doesnt let me get down. He will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. I've been down about gaining weight due to my medications, and he let me know i was lucky to be alive, and to have caught my illness early. His illness is so serious and still takes the time to guide me about what i am going through.

I sometimes think he has feelings for me, because he treated me differently from everyone else in the office. And he texts me if i dont text him for too long. lol He's the kind of guy that I was always looking for, and it gets me down that he wont last long because of his cancer. I havent admitted these feelings to anyone in my life. But i suspect people knew at my last job. Coworkers i was friends with would make comments as if they knew,.

I've never worn crocs, but as a preschool teacher I hated when parents sent their kids to school in them, especially on gym days. There were way more injuries running around in them than sneakers.

My nieces and nephews wear them for home, and to go to the park. They have sneakers for school. I use them for work since i walk around a lot. But you definitely need to be careful where you use them. They can have great traction but not on every surface. i use them because i have back problems, and big feet (size 11 lol).

Its rare for me to find comfortable shoes, so crocs are a blessing. When i was young i had to wear tight shoes because you would mostly find size 10s. I remember my excitement when victorias secret started selling size 11. lol But i have one foot that is slightly bigger than the other, so not all size 11s are equal. Big feet problems. LOL

 

[terestrife]

My sister is finally leaving today, thank god. She was telling me she hasnt been able to pay the previous water bill. She had asked me to pay for the association instead of the water bill, so i figured she would take care of it. But nope. Its still due. Her husband is wasting money renovating this house, instead of helping us catch up to important bills.

Honestly, i don't see my niece leaving this house, because for the price her BF pays its too convenient. But she was telling me she is thinking about moving out. Shes been having the same thoughts that i have. That my sisters husband might eventually find himself feeling entitled to order people around in this house. He isnt paying the bills that matter, but since hes fixing up the house, he is already calling this his house. He is already thinking about bringing his extra motorcycle.

My sister keeps telling her daughter that it wont happen, but the truth is she has no control over her husband. My niece has been arguing with her mom, because he wont stop butting in about how shes raising her child. He wont listen to my sister. Its disturbing, he was watching the baby for a few minutes when my sister wasnt around and he seemed aggravated. He complains about him when she isnt around. But as soon as my sister is around he acts super affectionate towards the baby. My niece told me she has seen him acting this way.

My sister was telling her she doesnt want her to leave, that shes going to get a job and help us. Which i am grateful for. But i am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. If this guy starts ordering me around then we are going to have serious problems.

 

[Talien]

My sister is finally leaving today, thank god. She was telling me she hasnt been able to pay the previous water bill. She had asked me to pay for the association instead of the water bill, so i figured she would take care of it. But nope. Its still due. Her husband is wasting money renovating this house, instead of helping us catch up to important bills.

Honestly, i don't see my niece leaving this house, because for the price her BF pays its too convenient. But she was telling me she is thinking about moving out. Shes been having the same thoughts that i have. That my sisters husband might eventually find himself feeling entitled to order people around in this house. He isnt paying the bills that matter, but since hes fixing up the house, he is already calling this his house. He is already thinking about bringing his extra motorcycle.

My sister keeps telling her daughter that it wont happen, but the truth is she has no control over her husband. My niece has been arguing with her mom, because he wont stop butting in about how shes raising her child. He wont listen to my sister. Its disturbing, he was watching the baby for a few minutes when my sister wasnt around and he seemed aggravated. He complains about him when she isnt around. But as soon as my sister is around he acts super affectionate towards the baby. My niece told me she has seen him acting this way.

My sister was telling her she doesnt want her to leave, that shes going to get a job and help us. Which i am grateful for. But i am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. If this guy starts ordering me around then we are going to have serious problems.

Unless I've gotten things totally wrong it sounds like if you leave and stop paying your rent they're SOL. If they're really as behind as it sounds like the only thing they can really hope for right now is if Florida has a similar measure in place as some other states where people can't be kicked out of their house/apartment/etc. during the crisis. Of course even if it does that's only a temporary measure, if they still aren't caught up once it ends then that will be that.

 

[tarasgirl06]

My sister is finally leaving today, thank god. She was telling me she hasnt been able to pay the previous water bill. She had asked me to pay for the association instead of the water bill, so i figured she would take care of it. But nope. Its still due. Her husband is wasting money renovating this house, instead of helping us catch up to important bills.

Honestly, i don't see my niece leaving this house, because for the price her BF pays its too convenient. But she was telling me she is thinking about moving out. Shes been having the same thoughts that i have. That my sisters husband might eventually find himself feeling entitled to order people around in this house. He isnt paying the bills that matter, but since hes fixing up the house, he is already calling this his house. He is already thinking about bringing his extra motorcycle.

My sister keeps telling her daughter that it wont happen, but the truth is she has no control over her husband. My niece has been arguing with her mom, because he wont stop butting in about how shes raising her child. He wont listen to my sister. Its disturbing, he was watching the baby for a few minutes when my sister wasnt around and he seemed aggravated. He complains about him when she isnt around. But as soon as my sister is around he acts super affectionate towards the baby. My niece told me she has seen him acting this way.

My sister was telling her she doesnt want her to leave, that shes going to get a job and help us. Which i am grateful for. But i am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. If this guy starts ordering me around then we are going to have serious problems.

Thank you for good thoughts. Somehow I was behind the door when the maternal feelings were passed out, and I've just never had them. I don't get all emotional when I see babies. I've never wished to have kids. I don't dislike kids! I just don't have the normal need to procreate, somehow. And my cats are not surrogate children. They are my beloved feline family members, equal to me but of a different species, with their own needs. Weird, I know, but that's me.
I have big feet, too -- normal size (8) but very WIDE. So I also like the crocs and the klogs, which run very wide anyway, and I get them in wide width. They are big heavy klumpy shoes. They have a wonderful insert which helps them be comfortable. They're not cheap but they do work for me when very little else does. And they are presentable in appearance -- I can wear them with business wear and no one remarks. Yes, they are worn by people who are on their feet all day.
My family has always been very patriarchal and I knew from the first that what my dad said, goes. My mom also knew this. It is our way and while the feminist movement is popular, it is just not what we are comfortable with. But we are not downtrodden or disrespected -- we certainly have our abilities and those are respected and encouraged. My father was much more that way with me than my mother was. It's hard to explain to those whose backgrounds are not this way, because they have their own ideas and that's that. So I just say, "I have my way and you have yours" and leave it at that. We need to respect one another! though respect is in very short supply in this society. I would not like anyone trying to tell me how to raise my kids (or care for my cats, or interact with my human family members) but my ex #2 is very much as you say. And he is not a success in his own life. I think sometimes people who are inadequate in their own lives like to tell others how to do things because it makes them feel better. Again, when he does this I try to work into the conversation that people should clean their own yards before telling others how to clean theirs. It goes right through one ear and out the other, because he never thinks it applies to him! but short of actually confronting him directly, this is the more polite way to point out that he has plenty to address in his own life.

Sometimes people like that think they can order others around, especially if those others don't react strongly. Like Talien pointed out, they would probably think differently if you were not conveniently there. It is very wrong for them to leave a mess for you to pick up, in terms of the water bill or anything else. I've had to have a couple of talks with my roomies over smaller non-financial things that they have been a little lax about. When "very gentle" doesn't work, I go to "more direct" and that has been more successful. But people being people, I guess almost everyone needs a reminder from time to time that we need to live together and be considerate of one another to be best of our abilities.

 

[Willowy]

We need to respect one another!

I know it won't do any good, but I will point out that a patriarchal/authoritarian society/family shows no respect for women at all. It's not even one bit respectful to expect someone to obey without question. So talking about respect in that context is pretty useless, since "the boss" doesn't show any respect. And, yes, someone who is expected to obey without question IS downtrodden and disrespected, whether they realize it or not. Just giving a different perspective, I'm sure it will be respected .

 

[terestrife]

Unless I've gotten things totally wrong it sounds like if you leave and stop paying your rent they're SOL. If they're really as behind as it sounds like the only thing they can really hope for right now is if Florida has a similar measure in place as some other states where people can't be kicked out of their house/apartment/etc. during the crisis. Of course even if it does that's only a temporary measure, if they still aren't caught up once it ends then that will be that.

Shes hoping they will lower the mortgage, but not sure what will happen. She says if we leave, she will just rent the place. My niece was telling her again that she wants to eventually leave. My nieces bf makes more money than me so he can afford an apartment. But i cant afford it with the money i make. Hopefully my sister will give us time. I am just going to try to save whatever money i can and try to look for promotions at work.

The only thing i can hope for is an efficiency that might accept my cats, and even then, they will be stuck in a very tiny space all day.

My sister told her daughter that if anything she will ask me to head to my brothers house (which cant happen). My niece told me if an emergency happens i can go with her to her apartment. Which is incredibly sweet. But i cant be a third wheel anymore. I cant deal with their fighting.

Thank you for good thoughts. Somehow I was behind the door when the maternal feelings were passed out, and I've just never had them. I don't get all emotional when I see babies. I've never wished to have kids. I don't dislike kids! I just don't have the normal need to procreate, somehow. And my cats are not surrogate children. They are my beloved feline family members, equal to me but of a different species, with their own needs. Weird, I know, but that's me.
I have big feet, too -- normal size (8) but very WIDE. So I also like the crocs and the klogs, which run very wide anyway, and I get them in wide width. They are big heavy klumpy shoes. They have a wonderful insert which helps them be comfortable. They're not cheap but they do work for me when very little else does. And they are presentable in appearance -- I can wear them with business wear and no one remarks. Yes, they are worn by people who are on their feet all day.
My family has always been very patriarchal and I knew from the first that what my dad said, goes. My mom also knew this. It is our way and while the feminist movement is popular, it is just not what we are comfortable with. But we are not downtrodden or disrespected -- we certainly have our abilities and those are respected and encouraged. My father was much more that way with me than my mother was. It's hard to explain to those whose backgrounds are not this way, because they have their own ideas and that's that. So I just say, "I have my way and you have yours" and leave it at that. We need to respect one another! though respect is in very short supply in this society. I would not like anyone trying to tell me how to raise my kids (or care for my cats, or interact with my human family members) but my ex #2 is very much as you say. And he is not a success in his own life. I think sometimes people who are inadequate in their own lives like to tell others how to do things because it makes them feel better. Again, when he does this I try to work into the conversation that people should clean their own yards before telling others how to clean theirs. It goes right through one ear and out the other, because he never thinks it applies to him! but short of actually confronting him directly, this is the more polite way to point out that he has plenty to address in his own life.

Sometimes people like that think they can order others around, especially if those others don't react strongly. Like Talien pointed out, they would probably think differently if you were not conveniently there. It is very wrong for them to leave a mess for you to pick up, in terms of the water bill or anything else. I've had to have a couple of talks with my roomies over smaller non-financial things that they have been a little lax about. When "very gentle" doesn't work, I go to "more direct" and that has been more successful. But people being people, I guess almost everyone needs a reminder from time to time that we need to live together and be considerate of one another to be best of our abilities.

i hope i didn't make you feel bad by mentioning that i thought you would be a good mom. I am happy that we live in a society where you can choose to have, or not have kids. It is no longer a social pressure. Because that leads to unhappy people having kids, and ending up with unhappy kids. Which is not okay to me. I just really like your mindset and point of view on things.

I never realized that people who have inadequacies in their lives might try to direct others because of that. Thats an interesting point. My niece told me she will have to put him in his place if he keeps doing it, and her mom doesn't step in. I have been very direct with my sister about the bills, so she doesn't push me. She knows i make half the pay that my nieces BF makes. But she never asks her husband to step in and help. The house is in foreclosure and they are wasting time making the house look pretty. The focus should be on saving the house, but what do i know?

Its odd, because i grew up in a hispanic home. Where the women decided the house rules. So its odd to me to see my sister just giving in to whatever her husband says. She claims she doesn't do everything he says, but i haven't seen that happen. I was raised by my mother and sister. So to be honest, i cant stand being told what to do by a guy. I deal with it at work, since that is my boss that i am paid to listen to him. But i am not used to a male figure giving orders. My father was just a passing person that came by from time to time. He never disciplined me in any way. So if this guy ever tries it, then we are going to have big problems.


p.s. once i am back at work i am going to look into those shoes. lol

I know it won't do any good, but I will point out that a patriarchal/authoritarian society/family shows no respect for women at all. It's not even one bit respectful to expect someone to obey without question. So talking about respect in that context is pretty useless, since "the boss" doesn't show any respect. And, yes, someone who is expected to obey without question IS downtrodden and disrespected, whether they realize it or not. Just giving a different perspective, I'm sure it will be respected .

In the hispanic community women tend to wear the pants in the family. My mom was very much in control in her marriage. My father was never allowed to hit their kids. He was there for their two oldest kids, but he wasnt there for the three youngest. I was raised by my mother and sister. I would say my mom was sometimes authoritarian, but she had such a huge heart. She knew how to gain respect without tearing anyone down. All she had to do was give us a look and we would listen. lol She never needed to spank us, or give huge punishments. I never felt disrespected as a child, if anything my mother always valued what i thought and felt. She always tried to fix the emotional damage that my father had caused.

I think the reason respect is so important to me is because of her. She taught us to value ourselves, even when i didn't necessarily believe i had value.

But hispanic men in the general sense can be very controlling and chauvinistic. I see some of those traits in my sisters husband. Thankfully not all hispanic men are like that.

p.s. i dont mind any posts, i find it interesting to see other peoples point of views. I dont assume to know what is best, so im always interested in others opinions.

 

[tarasgirl06]

Shes hoping they will lower the mortgage, but not sure what will happen. She says if we leave, she will just rent the place. My niece was telling her again that she wants to eventually leave. My nieces bf makes more money than me so he can afford an apartment. But i cant afford it with the money i make. Hopefully my sister will give us time. I am just going to try to save whatever money i can and try to look for promotions at work.

The only thing i can hope for is an efficiency that might accept my cats, and even then, they will be stuck in a very tiny space all day.

My sister told her daughter that if anything she will ask me to head to my brothers house (which cant happen). My niece told me if an emergency happens i can go with her to her apartment. Which is incredibly sweet. But i cant be a third wheel anymore. I cant deal with their fighting.



i hope i didn't make you feel bad by mentioning that i thought you would be a good mom. I am happy that we live in a society where you can choose to have, or not have kids. It is no longer a social pressure. Because that leads to unhappy people having kids, and ending up with unhappy kids. Which is not okay to me. I just really like your mindset and point of view on things.

I never realized that people who have inadequacies in their lives might try to direct others because of that. Thats an interesting point. My niece told me she will have to put him in his place if he keeps doing it, and her mom doesn't step in. I have been very direct with my sister about the bills, so she doesn't push me. She knows i make half the pay that my nieces BF makes. But she never asks her husband to step in and help. The house is in foreclosure and they are wasting time making the house look pretty. The focus should be on saving the house, but what do i know?

Its odd, because i grew up in a hispanic home. Where the women decided the house rules. So its odd to me to see my sister just giving in to whatever her husband says. She claims she doesn't do everything he says, but i haven't seen that happen. I was raised by my mother and sister. So to be honest, i cant stand being told what to do by a guy. I deal with it at work, since that is my boss that i am paid to listen to him. But i am not used to a male figure giving orders. My father was just a passing person that came by from time to time. He never disciplined me in any way. So if this guy ever tries it, then we are going to have big problems.


p.s. once i am back at work i am going to look into those shoes. lol


In the hispanic community women tend to wear the pants in the family. My mom was very much in control in her marriage. My father was never allowed to hit their kids. He was there for their two oldest kids, but he wasnt there for the three youngest. I was raised by my mother and sister. I would say my mom was sometimes authoritarian, but she had such a huge heart. She knew how to gain respect without tearing anyone down. All she had to do was give us a look and we would listen. lol She never needed to spank us, or give huge punishments. I never felt disrespected as a child, if anything my mother always valued what i thought and felt. She always tried to fix the emotional damage that my father had caused.

I think the reason respect is so important to me is because of her. She taught us to value ourselves, even when i didn't necessarily believe i had value.

But hispanic men in the general sense can be very controlling and chauvinistic. I see some of those traits in my sisters husband. Thankfully not all hispanic men are like that.

p.s. i dont mind any posts, i find it interesting to see other peoples point of views. I dont assume to know what is best, so im always interested in others opinions.

I lived in an efficiency apartment --332 sq. ft. -- for a year with my then three cats. The secret is to go up when you can't go out, and anyway, many cats are climbers by nature. I didn't have much money then and no space for cat furniture other than one little 2-story "condo" but there was one double bed, two chairs, an old-style TV, two windowsills, and a big armoire that my clothes went in. There was also a small bathroom sink to lounge on. Not much, it's true; but they lived there with me and I never knew them to fight or be stressed. We made it work! If your cats get along well together, it should be no problem to live in a small space.

My mom always taught me that there is more than one way to get what you want/need. By using psychology, she would convince my dad that he was being kind and generous to her (which he was) and he was very happy to let her buy jewelry or whatever. We were not rich, but he made a middle-class salary and provided well for us (not according to the standards of rich people, but we were quite happy). I think a lot of men still have the mindset that they like to be generous and caring to/of their women and children. It makes them feel strong/powerful/successful/good. So everyone is happy.

No, I didn't have any problem with your comment -- quite the opposite, thank you! And I also believe people should not have kids if they don't want to. This is not the normal traditional way, at all, but it has always been my very strong opinion. Children are the future, and children have wants, needs, and feelings, just as we do. To mistreat or neglect them is a crime! They should be part of the wealth of the people/family and regarded most highly. My parents and extended family always made me feel wanted, loved, and regarded. They tried to exercise their values through their lives and so I also do. Living by example is the best way -- kids know when their elders are "Do as I say, not as I do" and this rings very false to them. It also destroys lives and societies. Maybe a lot of people can't see a better way, or imagine a better world; I say each of us has to try our best to be personally responsible, compassionate and caring to our families (including our companion animals) and to others.

Your niece sounds like a caring and strong person. *Prayers* and best thoughts for her!