Venting....

tarasgirl06

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This is what i have been doing. I sanitize and i am careful. I would love to follow the habit of leaving outdoor shoes near the doorway and having indoor shoes. I used to do that with my bedroom. The floor always looked great. I cant wait to have my own place so i can do things like that. :heartshape: I love seeing a clean kitchen and bathroom. My bedroom can be messy, but those two places must be clean. lol I dont know why.

I am so happy that you got the house. And that you got away from that awful relationship. My mom always liked to say that its better to be alone than to be stuck in bad company. My mom tried to be sure that i would have a safe home once she was gone, but things didnt work out. She made my brother and his wife promise that i would always be able to stay in my childhood home. The home belonged to my mother until she couldnt pay for it anymore. Then i t was switched to my brothers name.

After she passed we got into constant fights. He would complain incessantly about the cats. Then we got into a fight (unrelated to the cats) and i choose to leave the house. He never told me to come back. I dont know how it doesnt affect him that he didnt keep his promise to his dying mother. That really affected me to feel that i dont have true stability in my life. That i can lose the place i am living in, in a moments notice. It showed me that you cant depend on anyone. And yet i still have this stupid notion of being there for other people to my own detriment.

I am glad you have that stability, and it is very wise of you to have room mates. Its not my business, but try to have as much saved up for the future as you can. :heartshape:

-

My niece, her husband, and his brother are still here. I dont understand being in someone elses home and not feeling shame when you leave a mess for someone else to clean up. I already told them i cleaned up their dishes this morning and to make sure they clean up after themselves. I am trying to not blow up because they are only here until friday. But my mood isnt stable right now. The brother is here taking classes, and shrieking/singing for his music class in our front porch. I get irritated so easily these days. I am starting to understand why my sister went so crazy after menopause, with all the hormones running inside me i feel like a crazy women. lol
Your mom and I said/say the same thing. I'd rather have no company than bad company. That's why I choose the best company -- cats :dancingblackcat::clapcat::bluecat::hearthrob::hearthrob::redheartpump: ANYONE -- family or not -- who would object to or in any way be negative about cats would not be in my company. I am very fortunate to be able to do that, of course. There have been a couple of guys in my life that I liked, but once they said they didn't like cats, out they went--out of my heart, and out of my life.
Oh, yeah, thanks! I'm beyond frugal. I'll allow myself a tiny special thing once in awhile, like a Tshirt or a mask, but beyond that, I'm also obsessive about saving. When I'm grocery shopping, anything that's above my set limit on price doesn't get bought unless it's really necessary.
I pretty much need every place I'm in to be clean. Even when I get into my roomies' car, if there's dust on the computer panel, I feel compelled to dust it (but I don't). Today I made up a bleach/water solution for use on hard surfaces for disinfection. There are a lot of conflicting opinions as to the percentages and length of effectiveness time. So I made just a small spray bottle. I told my roomie about it so she knows not to put it on her skin, but just on hard surfaces.
In this life, I've learned never to trust ANYONE -- repeat, ANYONE -- with any decision that is crucial. That's why I've made everything legal as far as my wishes are concerned, for my loved ones and everything we have. I'm not old, but to me it is the most important thing to do all I can to ensure the safety and wellbeing of my loved ones. I've seen too many stories of cats surrendered to the ACC because someone passed away or had to go into medical/assisted living care and the family absolutely bailed. Everyone who thinks their family will do as they ask/beg/plead should do the work I do. Sorry to rain on anyone's parade, but reality is reality and my bottom line is the wellbeing of my loved ones.
So far, I've found patience to be the best medicine for when something someone else does stresses me out. My roomies do occasionally make mistakes that mean I have to do extra work/have a talk with them. I know they don't do it to be mean. They just don't always think, and they are forgetful. So instead of blowing up, as I feel when I discover this, I take a break and do something else until I calm down, then try to pick a time when I'm feeling calm and they are going to be receptive. It works a lot better for us all than just going off at them.
 
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terestrife

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Your mom and I said/say the same thing. I'd rather have no company than bad company. That's why I choose the best company -- cats :dancingblackcat::clapcat::bluecat::hearthrob::hearthrob::redheartpump: ANYONE -- family or not -- who would object to or in any way be negative about cats would not be in my company. I am very fortunate to be able to do that, of course. There have been a couple of guys in my life that I liked, but once they said they didn't like cats, out they went--out of my heart, and out of my life.
Oh, yeah, thanks! I'm beyond frugal. I'll allow myself a tiny special thing once in awhile, like a Tshirt or a mask, but beyond that, I'm also obsessive about saving. When I'm grocery shopping, anything that's above my set limit on price doesn't get bought unless it's really necessary.
I pretty much need every place I'm in to be clean. Even when I get into my roomies' car, if there's dust on the computer panel, I feel compelled to dust it (but I don't). Today I made up a bleach/water solution for use on hard surfaces for disinfection. There are a lot of conflicting opinions as to the percentages and length of effectiveness time. So I made just a small spray bottle. I told my roomie about it so she knows not to put it on her skin, but just on hard surfaces.
In this life, I've learned never to trust ANYONE -- repeat, ANYONE -- with any decision that is crucial. That's why I've made everything legal as far as my wishes are concerned, for my loved ones and everything we have. I'm not old, but to me it is the most important thing to do all I can to ensure the safety and wellbeing of my loved ones. I've seen too many stories of cats surrendered to the ACC because someone passed away or had to go into medical/assisted living care and the family absolutely bailed. Everyone who thinks their family will do as they ask/beg/plead should do the work I do. Sorry to rain on anyone's parade, but reality is reality and my bottom line is the wellbeing of my loved ones.
So far, I've found patience to be the best medicine for when something someone else does stresses me out. My roomies do occasionally make mistakes that mean I have to do extra work/have a talk with them. I know they don't do it to be mean. They just don't always think, and they are forgetful. So instead of blowing up, as I feel when I discover this, I take a break and do something else until I calm down, then try to pick a time when I'm feeling calm and they are going to be receptive. It works a lot better for us all than just going off at them.
I dont blame you, no sense wasting time on someone that doesnt like cats. It would just causes drama in your life.

Trust me i learned my lesson now, not to trust anyone with serious decisions like that. My mom didnt have much choice, she was broke, and the house was in my brothers name. I worry about my kittys should something happen to me. I had asked my youngest niece to make sure to do something with them. I would like for her to adopt them, but she has 1 cat, and 3 dogs. So i told her to try to find someone trustworthy that she can keep in touch with. I feel like i can trust her, but you never know.

So, i worry about my kitties, but dont know what else i can do. Personally, i took on my mothers cat after her passing. Trust me, Elsa is not an easy cat. She causes me a lot of stress. But i just cant turn my back on my mothers cat. But i know not everyone thinks like that. I am still young, so hopefully i can be there for my cats, but who knows? Life isnt guaranteed to any of us.

I do agree that patience is important, and normally i am very patient. I just find that hard to do lately. My mood swings so quickly sometimes that i find it hard to control. But i am doing my best. I am learning when to isolate myself to avoid losing it.
 

tarasgirl06

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I dont blame you, no sense wasting time on someone that doesnt like cats. It would just causes drama in your life.

Trust me i learned my lesson now, not to trust anyone with serious decisions like that. My mom didnt have much choice, she was broke, and the house was in my brothers name. I worry about my kittys should something happen to me. I had asked my youngest niece to make sure to do something with them. I would like for her to adopt them, but she has 1 cat, and 3 dogs. So i told her to try to find someone trustworthy that she can keep in touch with. I feel like i can trust her, but you never know.

So, i worry about my kitties, but dont know what else i can do. Personally, i took on my mothers cat after her passing. Trust me, Elsa is not an easy cat. She causes me a lot of stress. But i just cant turn my back on my mothers cat. But i know not everyone thinks like that. I am still young, so hopefully i can be there for my cats, but who knows? Life isnt guaranteed to any of us.

I do agree that patience is important, and normally i am very patient. I just find that hard to do lately. My mood swings so quickly sometimes that i find it hard to control. But i am doing my best. I am learning when to isolate myself to avoid losing it.
I'm the same way. And you're a realist like I am -- it's funny how most people here never think about things like life being so chancey, but my first loss of a person was my grandfather, when I was 6, so it's always been a part of life for me, never taking life for granted, and praying that we are able to remain strong to do our work here while we can. One of my latest losses of a person was my best friend, who fell down a flight of stairs outside his apartment, on his head. He had health problems anyway, so I don't know what actually was the cause, but falling on the concrete on your head from a flight up can't have helped. Such a freak accident. I still can't believe he's not here any more.
When my ex told me he was dumping us, I immediately went into survival mode, which I've been in ever since. Basically, I'm here for my beloved cats. They always come first. No matter what anyone does, nothing in life is guaranteed, but I've done what I can to try to make and keep them safe and provided for. First thing is to keep myself healthy and strong.
I told my parents that their cat would have a home for life with us if/when they were not here to care for him, and that would have happened if necessary. Had he not gotten cancer, he would have been with us. He was not an easy cat, either -- he was very territorial and sprayed even though he was neutered. But that would never have stopped his finding safe haven with us.
 
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terestrife

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I'm the same way. And you're a realist like I am -- it's funny how most people here never think about things like life being so chancey, but my first loss of a person was my grandfather, when I was 6, so it's always been a part of life for me, never taking life for granted, and praying that we are able to remain strong to do our work here while we can. One of my latest losses of a person was my best friend, who fell down a flight of stairs outside his apartment, on his head. He had health problems anyway, so I don't know what actually was the cause, but falling on the concrete on your head from a flight up can't have helped. Such a freak accident. I still can't believe he's not here any more.
When my ex told me he was dumping us, I immediately went into survival mode, which I've been in ever since. Basically, I'm here for my beloved cats. They always come first. No matter what anyone does, nothing in life is guaranteed, but I've done what I can to try to make and keep them safe and provided for. First thing is to keep myself healthy and strong.
I told my parents that their cat would have a home for life with us if/when they were not here to care for him, and that would have happened if necessary. Had he not gotten cancer, he would have been with us. He was not an easy cat, either -- he was very territorial and sprayed even though he was neutered. But that would never have stopped his finding safe haven with us.
I had to end up gently telling these two grown men to put their dishes in the dish washer. My niece and i were scrambling cleaning up after them. The house is full of their junk. I dont get parents that dont teach their kids to treat someone elses home, better than their home. That is what my mom taught me. In someone elses home you do not touch anything, ask for anything, and just try to stay as quiet and respectful as you can. Just looking at the sofa with the sheets all day long and this kid just lounging as if its his house, just aggravates me. That should be picked up the moment he wakes up. I'm just avoiding making my niece feel uncomfortable.

Six is such a young age to lose someone. People dont realize that it loss already has an effect on children that age. My mom passed when my niece Abby was six too (the niece i see as a daughter) its been almost 4 years and my niece still asks about her. Still asks me if i miss her. Where is she? Why did die? She made the comment the other day that her grandma loved her more than anyone else.

I'm sorry you had to experience that at such a young age, and i am sorry about your friend. Such an odd way to pass, but it shows that when our time is up, it can be anywhere. I am sure he is in a better place, and not suffering from his health issues anymore. :heartshape: A good friend is hard to find these days.

As for my moms cat Elsa, i noticed something interesting. She will hiss at and seems to hate women in the family. But i have noticed that she likes men. The only two women she has liked is me and my mom. I saw her being friendly with the two men we have in our home right now. I am stunned, she was begging them for attention. She will usually hiss if you so much as look at her.
 

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I had to end up gently telling these two grown men to put their dishes in the dish washer. My niece and i were scrambling cleaning up after them. The house is full of their junk. I dont get parents that dont teach their kids to treat someone elses home, better than their home. That is what my mom taught me. In someone elses home you do not touch anything, ask for anything, and just try to stay as quiet and respectful as you can. Just looking at the sofa with the sheets all day long and this kid just lounging as if its his house, just aggravates me. That should be picked up the moment he wakes up. I'm just avoiding making my niece feel uncomfortable.
Yeah.....if I'm staying in someone else's home I don't turn it into a pigsty, I clean up after myself and I ask if there's anything I can do to help out while I'm there, so someone behaving like that in my home would not fly with me. If someone is going to be staying in my home for more than overnight they get the ground rules laid out for them right away. They'll be reminded once if they blatantly ignore any of them (mistakes are fine if they take care of it right away), then be told to leave if they continue.

You shouldn't be worried about making someone else uncomfortable by asking them to clean up after themselves when they are turning the place you live into a trash heap. People will continue to take advantage of you like that unless you do something about it.

That and your Neice brought them there, so if they won't pick up after theirselves then she should be the one to deal with the mess, you shouldn't be worrying about making her uncomfortable either. If it helps, you could look at it like this. Would she get away with that somewhere else? Probably not. You'd be helping her learn responsibility.
 

tarasgirl06

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I had to end up gently telling these two grown men to put their dishes in the dish washer. My niece and i were scrambling cleaning up after them. The house is full of their junk. I dont get parents that dont teach their kids to treat someone elses home, better than their home. That is what my mom taught me. In someone elses home you do not touch anything, ask for anything, and just try to stay as quiet and respectful as you can. Just looking at the sofa with the sheets all day long and this kid just lounging as if its his house, just aggravates me. That should be picked up the moment he wakes up. I'm just avoiding making my niece feel uncomfortable.

Six is such a young age to lose someone. People dont realize that it loss already has an effect on children that age. My mom passed when my niece Abby was six too (the niece i see as a daughter) its been almost 4 years and my niece still asks about her. Still asks me if i miss her. Where is she? Why did die? She made the comment the other day that her grandma loved her more than anyone else.

I'm sorry you had to experience that at such a young age, and i am sorry about your friend. Such an odd way to pass, but it shows that when our time is up, it can be anywhere. I am sure he is in a better place, and not suffering from his health issues anymore. :heartshape: A good friend is hard to find these days.

As for my moms cat Elsa, i noticed something interesting. She will hiss at and seems to hate women in the family. But i have noticed that she likes men. The only two women she has liked is me and my mom. I saw her being friendly with the two men we have in our home right now. I am stunned, she was begging them for attention. She will usually hiss if you so much as look at her.
Thank you for your kind thoughts. My only real memories of my grandfather is of sitting on his lap and I remember the chair, and the light in the room. He left us too soon, as did my dear friend, who was the ONLY one to offer me and my loved ones shelter when I thought I might need a place to go.
Elsa has history. Obviously she has good reasons for her preferences, whatever they may be. She knows who loves her!
In my background, the men pretty much do what they want and it's up to the women to keep the house clean. Boys are raised to know they are special. Girls? We're raised to work :compsurfing:That's how life is. I've been pretty fortunate -- my dad was a very clean person and quite orderly. My first ex was okay, my second was totally disorganized but fairly clean, and my third was very clean and fairly neat. Some of the situations I hear about are terrible! I'm in a weird place now, because I have a male and a female roomie who are Japanese, and that is definitely a patriarchal culture. And he is quite a lot older than I am. I am not comfortable with asking him to do anything or having a talk with him about something that needs changing, but I have to do this because it is my house and I am not rich, so things have to be carefully maintained and the space has to be kept clean and neat. He seems to understand this and to also understand that I respect him. I explained my background to them both when we were interviewing for them to join me, and he paid me the compliment of saying that in some ways, I'm "more Japanese" than he and his wife are! I grew up around Japanese people and culture because my dad worked with Japanese-Americans and had several good friends and their families visiting us. I studied the language and the culture when I was small, but of course I know very little. So I asked my roomies to please point out anything I do that is thoughtless or incorrect, so I can learn, because I do not wish to offend them in any way. I think that having open communication can be so helpful, and even if we are hesitant to tell people what to do, sometimes we just have to. With kitchen rules, for instance, I have explained to my roomie that we have to stick to a schedule, because we only have one kitchen and we can't both be cooking/prepping/cleaning up at the same time. So we've gotten into the routine, and it works really well. Everyone eats, everyone is happy. The kitchen is clean, too!
 

Willowy

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Boys are raised to know they are special. Girls? We're raised to work
That's a really sad way to live. "You, boy, are special and get to do whatever you want because of the genital arrangement you were born with. You, girl, are a slave because of the genital arrangement you were born with". That's incredibly harmful to everyone.
 
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terestrife

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Thank you for your kind thoughts. My only real memories of my grandfather is of sitting on his lap and I remember the chair, and the light in the room. He left us too soon, as did my dear friend, who was the ONLY one to offer me and my loved ones shelter when I thought I might need a place to go.
Elsa has history. Obviously she has good reasons for her preferences, whatever they may be. She knows who loves her!
In my background, the men pretty much do what they want and it's up to the women to keep the house clean. Boys are raised to know they are special. Girls? We're raised to work :compsurfing:That's how life is. I've been pretty fortunate -- my dad was a very clean person and quite orderly. My first ex was okay, my second was totally disorganized but fairly clean, and my third was very clean and fairly neat. Some of the situations I hear about are terrible! I'm in a weird place now, because I have a male and a female roomie who are Japanese, and that is definitely a patriarchal culture. And he is quite a lot older than I am. I am not comfortable with asking him to do anything or having a talk with him about something that needs changing, but I have to do this because it is my house and I am not rich, so things have to be carefully maintained and the space has to be kept clean and neat. He seems to understand this and to also understand that I respect him. I explained my background to them both when we were interviewing for them to join me, and he paid me the compliment of saying that in some ways, I'm "more Japanese" than he and his wife are! I grew up around Japanese people and culture because my dad worked with Japanese-Americans and had several good friends and their families visiting us. I studied the language and the culture when I was small, but of course I know very little. So I asked my roomies to please point out anything I do that is thoughtless or incorrect, so I can learn, because I do not wish to offend them in any way. I think that having open communication can be so helpful, and even if we are hesitant to tell people what to do, sometimes we just have to. With kitchen rules, for instance, I have explained to my roomie that we have to stick to a schedule, because we only have one kitchen and we can't both be cooking/prepping/cleaning up at the same time. So we've gotten into the routine, and it works really well. Everyone eats, everyone is happy. The kitchen is clean, too!
I am glad you still have memories of your grandfather. :heartshape: Thats really special to have.

My childhood home was the same. Women were taught chores and the boys could do whatever they wanted. I dont think my brother did laundry until he was an adult. While we were taught from a young age. lol Thankfully my mom got used to USA and started teaching my brother. lol

Im 35 years old and refuse to be any guys maid. If they want to be here, they need to clean up after themselves. I'm still annoyed that my niece brought them here and expects us to cook and clean up after them. You cant invite someone and expects others to take care of them. I had to remind this 20 year old kid to clean his hands downstairs after coming in from the street. Instead of walking upstairs and touching everything with his dirty hands. :fuming:

I am glad you found room mates that are reasonable and actually listen to you. And that you all respect each other. Thats not easy to find from what I have seen.

-

i was talking to my sister. Shes feeling really hurt because her daughter drove down to see her mother in law for mothers day weekend. Shes the niece staying here with her husband, and his brother. My niece had her husbands family living with her the entire quarantine time and still chose to visit her mother in law, instead of her own mom. :sigh:


That's a really sad way to live. "You, boy, are special and get to do whatever you want because of the genital arrangement you were born with. You, girl, are a slave because of the genital arrangement you were born with". That's incredibly harmful to everyone.
Its unfortunately quite common. My parents came from Cuba. My mom was always loving to all her children. But the boys were definitely treated differently. They were more protected, and girls are generally considered to be stronger. Girls are expected to take charge. We run the house, and do the cleaning. I saw the shift in my mom the longer she was in USA. My brother ended up learning to cook and clean. LOL
 

Willowy

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Its unfortunately quite common
I know :/. But it's still incredibly harmful. Patriarchal societies have higher rates of physical and sexual violence, and less freedom and autonomy for women in general (well, that's kind of the definition of a patriarchal society!). Because, of course, if you teach boys they're better than girls, they're going to turn into entitled jerks, there's really no other way for them to go.
 

tarasgirl06

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I am glad you still have memories of your grandfather. :heartshape: Thats really special to have.

My childhood home was the same. Women were taught chores and the boys could do whatever they wanted. I dont think my brother did laundry until he was an adult. While we were taught from a young age. lol Thankfully my mom got used to USA and started teaching my brother. lol

Im 35 years old and refuse to be any guys maid. If they want to be here, they need to clean up after themselves. I'm still annoyed that my niece brought them here and expects us to cook and clean up after them. You cant invite someone and expects others to take care of them. I had to remind this 20 year old kid to clean his hands downstairs after coming in from the street. Instead of walking upstairs and touching everything with his dirty hands. :fuming:

I am glad you found room mates that are reasonable and actually listen to you. And that you all respect each other. Thats not easy to find from what I have seen.

-

i was talking to my sister. Shes feeling really hurt because her daughter drove down to see her mother in law for mothers day weekend. Shes the niece staying here with her husband, and his brother. My niece had her husbands family living with her the entire quarantine time and still chose to visit her mother in law, instead of her own mom. :sigh:




Its unfortunately quite common. My parents came from Cuba. My mom was always loving to all her children. But the boys were definitely treated differently. They were more protected, and girls are generally considered to be stronger. Girls are expected to take charge. We run the house, and do the cleaning. I saw the shift in my mom the longer she was in USA. My brother ended up learning to cook and clean. LOL
Roles shift, and we learn different things, and sometimes if we're comfortable learning/doing things that are not normal for us, it can work. Our men were/are expected to hunt and gather. These days, that takes the form of working and bringing home money so we can eat, and clothe ourselves, etc. and also do repairs on the house, keep the yard if there is no gardener, etc. I've always been much more comfortable like that, though I have worked outside the house at quite a few different things. But SOMEONE has to keep the house clean, make the food, serve it, clean up, and take care of anyone who needs it, whether human or feline or ??? The women here think they have it made when they can do ALL of this? Three times the work they could be doing? How do they figure??? Just because a woman stays home does not mean she is stupid or understimulated or not respected. It depends on the people involved. I'm okay with women doing whatever we want, as long as we don't diss women who choose not to do ALL of the above. I pretty much have to do all of everything because I am divorced and have a house. Do I love being so exhausted every day? :gaah::sigh:
It seems that no matter what one does, someone isn't happy. I just think caring is good. Your niece sounds like a good person.
One of my best friends in grammar school was a Cuban girl. I lost touch with her but hope she's doing okay somewhere! I remember her as being quiet, and strong.

My roomies are pretty good, all in all. The most important thing, for me, is that they love cats. :petcat:
 

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But SOMEONE has to keep the house clean, make the food, serve it, clean up, and take care of anyone who needs it, whether human or feline or ???
Yes. But there's no reason the person doing so has to be female :).
Just because a woman stays home does not mean she is stupid or understimulated or not respected.
It doesn't, IF that's what she chooses, of her own free will. Not because she's forced to, or coerced into doing so because she thinks that's a female's role in life and she has no choice. Everybody should be free to make their own choices, not based on coercion.
 
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terestrife

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I know :/. But it's still incredibly harmful. Patriarchal societies have higher rates of physical and sexual violence, and less freedom and autonomy for women in general (well, that's kind of the definition of a patriarchal society!). Because, of course, if you teach boys they're better than girls, they're going to turn into entitled jerks, there's really no other way for them to go.
No i completely agree. I was watching this documentary the other day where a men from bangladesh stated that he was entitled to have fun. Meanwhile the women were kidnapped as young girls and forced into prostitution. I have never been so angry watching a documentary. Never wanted to hurt a stranger as badly as i did that man. Some countries go to the extreme where women have no value or voice.

Roles shift, and we learn different things, and sometimes if we're comfortable learning/doing things that are not normal for us, it can work. Our men were/are expected to hunt and gather. These days, that takes the form of working and bringing home money so we can eat, and clothe ourselves, etc. and also do repairs on the house, keep the yard if there is no gardener, etc. I've always been much more comfortable like that, though I have worked outside the house at quite a few different things. But SOMEONE has to keep the house clean, make the food, serve it, clean up, and take care of anyone who needs it, whether human or feline or ??? The women here think they have it made when they can do ALL of this? Three times the work they could be doing? How do they figure??? Just because a woman stays home does not mean she is stupid or understimulated or not respected. It depends on the people involved. I'm okay with women doing whatever we want, as long as we don't diss women who choose not to do ALL of the above. I pretty much have to do all of everything because I am divorced and have a house. Do I love being so exhausted every day? :gaah::sigh:
It seems that no matter what one does, someone isn't happy. I just think caring is good. Your niece sounds like a good person.
One of my best friends in grammar school was a Cuban girl. I lost touch with her but hope she's doing okay somewhere! I remember her as being quiet, and strong.

My roomies are pretty good, all in all. The most important thing, for me, is that they love cats. :petcat:
Funnily enough my mom taught us women to do a little bit of everything. She was protective of the boys in the family, but thought the women were strong enough to learn everything. She knew how to put down tiles, put up drywall, take down popcorn ceilings, and patch walls when necessary. She taught me to always try fixing something myself, and then call an expert if it doesnt work out. lol The only thing i didnt learn was fixing a car, she knew more than i did. I know how to check the oil, and all the liquids that can run out, and can add air to the tires. But i cant check the engine the way that she could.

I always assist my brother with house repairs. I remember one year we had to build hurricane shutters because we couldnt afford premade ones. I was outside with horrible allergies, my eyes and nose running. But we managed to get all the shutters up. lol

I dont usually ask for help building stuff, unless theres heavy lifting and it hruts my back.

P.S. nothing wrong with staying home. The most fulfilling job i have had in my whole life was being a nanny to my niece. Seeing a human being grow and learn because of my efforts is an incredible feeling. Keeping house takes time and effort as well. I dont judge anyone regardless of what they choose to do in life.

Yes. But there's no reason the person doing so has to be female :).

It doesn't, IF that's what she chooses, of her own free will. Not because she's forced to, or coerced into doing so because she thinks that's a female's role in life and she has no choice. Everybody should be free to make their own choices, not based on coercion.
Thats very true. Its why i dont always fall into the female role and cook and clean up after people that arent my family. Even in my family, everyone has to take care of themselves, unless they arent feeling well.

Things are changing, some women choose to stay home. Which i dont see anything wrong with. And some choose to go out there. I have seen people happy in both roles. Like you said, what matters is having the free will to choose.
 

tarasgirl06

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No i completely agree. I was watching this documentary the other day where a men from bangladesh stated that he was entitled to have fun. Meanwhile the women were kidnapped as young girls and forced into prostitution. I have never been so angry watching a documentary. Never wanted to hurt a stranger as badly as i did that man. Some countries go to the extreme where women have no value or voice.



Funnily enough my mom taught us women to do a little bit of everything. She was protective of the boys in the family, but thought the women were strong enough to learn everything. She knew how to put down tiles, put up drywall, take down popcorn ceilings, and patch walls when necessary. She taught me to always try fixing something myself, and then call an expert if it doesnt work out. lol The only thing i didnt learn was fixing a car, she knew more than i did. I know how to check the oil, and all the liquids that can run out, and can add air to the tires. But i cant check the engine the way that she could.

I always assist my brother with house repairs. I remember one year we had to build hurricane shutters because we couldnt afford premade ones. I was outside with horrible allergies, my eyes and nose running. But we managed to get all the shutters up. lol

I dont usually ask for help building stuff, unless theres heavy lifting and it hruts my back.

P.S. nothing wrong with staying home. The most fulfilling job i have had in my whole life was being a nanny to my niece. Seeing a human being grow and learn because of my efforts is an incredible feeling. Keeping house takes time and effort as well. I dont judge anyone regardless of what they choose to do in life.



Thats very true. Its why i dont always fall into the female role and cook and clean up after people that arent my family. Even in my family, everyone has to take care of themselves, unless they arent feeling well.

Things are changing, some women choose to stay home. Which i dont see anything wrong with. And some choose to go out there. I have seen people happy in both roles. Like you said, what matters is having the free will to choose.
Those things, I wish I had learned how to do! I can do some, because Ex #3 knew how to do a lot of things and I helped him with some projects, learning a lot from him. It has meant I was able to do some things here that I otherwise would have had to pay someone else to do. But he had all the tools, and I do not have most of them including nail guns, power saws, etc. I have all of my dad's tools and I asked my ex to get me a drill/driver so I have that. My back and my feet stop me from doing a lot of big projects, though. Fortunately, my male roomie can do "handyman stuff" as he calls it, including some plumbing, but no painting, roofing, or heavy stuff. I really wanted my dad to teach me mechanics, but he didn't, and that's okay, because not only is a lot of car stuff computerized, but I don't have a car.
I was never abused in any way by my family members, who loved me very much. And I definitely felt valued!
 

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I was never abused in any way by my family members, who loved me very much. And I definitely felt valued!
Telling girls that they're inferior to boys, or that they are only fit to serve males, or that they must pursue a certain role, whether this is what they want in life or not, is abuse. And if one is only valued as a servant, or as long as they're "properly obedient", that's not the type of value most people want.
 
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terestrife

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Those things, I wish I had learned how to do! I can do some, because Ex #3 knew how to do a lot of things and I helped him with some projects, learning a lot from him. It has meant I was able to do some things here that I otherwise would have had to pay someone else to do. But he had all the tools, and I do not have most of them including nail guns, power saws, etc. I have all of my dad's tools and I asked my ex to get me a drill/driver so I have that. My back and my feet stop me from doing a lot of big projects, though. Fortunately, my male roomie can do "handyman stuff" as he calls it, including some plumbing, but no painting, roofing, or heavy stuff. I really wanted my dad to teach me mechanics, but he didn't, and that's okay, because not only is a lot of car stuff computerized, but I don't have a car.
I was never abused in any way by my family members, who loved me very much. And I definitely felt valued!
My niece finally left. I miss her, but i am happy her husband and his brother are gone. They were just messy, loud, and didnt have good manners at all.

Thats awesome that you have a room mate that can fix things, it makes things more convenient. lol My nieces bf thankfully does a lot of the heavy work so we dont have to. lol Im not getting any younger and have back problems.

Not much else is going on. I started a higher dose in my medication. I'm sleeping even more than before. My sister keeps telling me i should go for a second opinion. But not sure what difference changing medications will make.

Telling girls that they're inferior to boys, or that they are only fit to serve males, or that they must pursue a certain role, whether this is what they want in life or not, is abuse. And if one is only valued as a servant, or as long as they're "properly obedient", that's not the type of value most people want.
i dont really see it as abuse. Customs like that are passed down, and eventually people start learning and growing. Just like my mom did. People think something is normal, until they start seeing a different way of living. Thankfully things have progressed a lot in most modern countries. I worry more about the countries where women have no choice at all.
 

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i dont really see it as abuse. . .People think something is normal, until they start seeing a different way of living.
That's why you don't think of it as abuse; you were raised to think it's normal. But I guess I can't think of another word to describe sentencing someone to a lifetime of slavery (if that's too strong for you, how about "forcing them into a life role they don't want and aren't happy in") because of the genitals they were born with.

Repeatedly telling someone they're inferior to someone else is generally recognized as psychological abuse.

And there usually is some element of violence enforcing these gender roles, whether it's beating female children for not acting "ladylike" or beating a woman for "not staying in her place" or not keeping the house in the condition her "owner" prefers, so that's clearly abuse. Or they're threatened with divine violence, if it's religion-based oppression. But even without overt violence, it still takes away someone's autonomy and freedom, which is not exactly non-abusive.
Thankfully things have progressed a lot in most modern countries
That's kind of what I'm afraid of. As long as there are women who wouldn't fight against the removal of our rights, things could "un-progress" in a hurry. It takes constant fighting to preserve those rights.

In countries where women don't have rights, or have insufficient rights, there are women fighting to gain those rights, thankfully. They need all the support they can get; it's very dangerous for them. They're frequently injured or killed. But that's better than being a slave.
 
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tarasgirl06

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My niece finally left. I miss her, but i am happy her husband and his brother are gone. They were just messy, loud, and didnt have good manners at all.

Thats awesome that you have a room mate that can fix things, it makes things more convenient. lol My nieces bf thankfully does a lot of the heavy work so we dont have to. lol Im not getting any younger and have back problems.

Not much else is going on. I started a higher dose in my medication. I'm sleeping even more than before. My sister keeps telling me i should go for a second opinion. But not sure what difference changing medications will make.



i dont really see it as abuse. Customs like that are passed down, and eventually people start learning and growing. Just like my mom did. People think something is normal, until they start seeing a different way of living. Thankfully things have progressed a lot in most modern countries. I worry more about the countries where women have no choice at all.
They may be able to prescribe something that is not so soporific (sleep-inducing). As with allergy drugs, for instance, most are soporific but there are a few that are not, so that people taking them can drive and work without endangering others or themselves.

There are always bright spots in and among the dark ones, aren't there? That's something I think about a lot -- like when I was with Ex #3, there were so many advantages and good aspects but also the verbal and emotional abuse, in-laws who did not like me (and I did not like them, either!) and other things. I miss the good, but not the bad.

Yes, plumbing is $$$ and I've had plumbers do terrible jobs for that $$$. This is one area where I think this society degrades women terribly, thinking we don't know what others are doing when they try to take advantage of us. Having been married to someone who was highly skilled in building and planning and good at plumbing, I tried to learn everything I could at his knee, so to speak, so that I could do what I was able to do and also stop these extortionists from charging me unfairly. Sometimes, it has actually saved me money.
 
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terestrife

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They may be able to prescribe something that is not so soporific (sleep-inducing). As with allergy drugs, for instance, most are soporific but there are a few that are not, so that people taking them can drive and work without endangering others or themselves.

There are always bright spots in and among the dark ones, aren't there? That's something I think about a lot -- like when I was with Ex #3, there were so many advantages and good aspects but also the verbal and emotional abuse, in-laws who did not like me (and I did not like them, either!) and other things. I miss the good, but not the bad.

Yes, plumbing is $$$ and I've had plumbers do terrible jobs for that $$$. This is one area where I think this society degrades women terribly, thinking we don't know what others are doing when they try to take advantage of us. Having been married to someone who was highly skilled in building and planning and good at plumbing, I tried to learn everything I could at his knee, so to speak, so that I could do what I was able to do and also stop these extortionists from charging me unfairly. Sometimes, it has actually saved me money.
I think it shows your strength that you can say your last relationship was so negative, but still manage to see some good. Not many people can do that. At least he is saving you money long term. :heartshape:

The only other medicine i could take is to get an IUD. From what i read im sleepy because of the high levels of progesterone i am taking. I was telling my sister my symptoms, and she told me thats how she felt while pregnant. I feel worse now that my dosage has been increased. i went to see my niece yesterday and i was nodding off the entire day.

My doctor claims that the medicine i am on has more studies to support it, so he prefers that over the IUD. I dont know if i should insist to change it. I worry that it might not work as well. I just feel torn, you know?

i found this one study that supports the IUD
Levonorgestrel-releasing intrauterine system (Mirena) in compare to medroxyprogesterone acetate as a therapy for endometrial hyperplasia

A doctor at the cancer institute that i saw told me the IUD wouldnt cause hunger, but i was reading online some people report weight gain. so not sure what to believe?
 

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I think it shows your strength that you can say your last relationship was so negative, but still manage to see some good. Not many people can do that. At least he is saving you money long term. :heartshape:

The only other medicine i could take is to get an IUD. From what i read im sleepy because of the high levels of progesterone i am taking. I was telling my sister my symptoms, and she told me thats how she felt while pregnant. I feel worse now that my dosage has been increased. i went to see my niece yesterday and i was nodding off the entire day.

My doctor claims that the medicine i am on has more studies to support it, so he prefers that over the IUD. I dont know if i should insist to change it. I worry that it might not work as well. I just feel torn, you know?

i found this one study that supports the IUD
Levonorgestrel-releasing intrauterine system (Mirena) in compare to medroxyprogesterone acetate as a therapy for endometrial hyperplasia

A doctor at the cancer institute that i saw told me the IUD wouldnt cause hunger, but i was reading online some people report weight gain. so not sure what to believe?
I used IUDs for years. They did not cause any weight gain, sleepiness, or any other side effects except some pretty heavy flow and cramps. I was more than willing to put up with those for something with such a good rate of prevention and no drugs. Before I could get my tubal cauterization, which carries with it its own initial risks, this was my favored method of birth control and I would absolutely recommend it, as long as you get all of the facts on it and decide in favor of it on your own, without any pressure from any source. Everything does have possible side effects, but to me, an IUD was the safest way to go. The drugs are all far too risky IMHO.
 

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There's a difference between the hormonal IUDs and the copper IUDs (they prevent sperm from getting to the egg but have no hormonal effects). Since you have a hormonal issue, not just using it for birth control, they probably mean the hormonal IUD which would have the same side effects as hormone pills, I think.
 
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