Venting....

Willowy

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My mom always taught me that there is more than one way to get what you want/need. By using psychology,
Powerless people have long relied on this tactic to get what they need/want, or to protect themselves. But manipulation like that is the mark of an extremely unhealthy relationship. Nobody should feel so powerless in an intimate relationship that they have to resort to that. Marriage mates ought to love and respect each other enough to talk things out as equals.
 
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I lived in an efficiency apartment --332 sq. ft. -- for a year with my then three cats. The secret is to go up when you can't go out, and anyway, many cats are climbers by nature. I didn't have much money then and no space for cat furniture other than one little 2-story "condo" but there was one double bed, two chairs, an old-style TV, two windowsills, and a big armoire that my clothes went in. There was also a small bathroom sink to lounge on. Not much, it's true; but they lived there with me and I never knew them to fight or be stressed. We made it work! If your cats get along well together, it should be no problem to live in a small space.

My mom always taught me that there is more than one way to get what you want/need. By using psychology, she would convince my dad that he was being kind and generous to her (which he was) and he was very happy to let her buy jewelry or whatever. We were not rich, but he made a middle-class salary and provided well for us (not according to the standards of rich people, but we were quite happy). I think a lot of men still have the mindset that they like to be generous and caring to/of their women and children. It makes them feel strong/powerful/successful/good. So everyone is happy.

No, I didn't have any problem with your comment -- quite the opposite, thank you! And I also believe people should not have kids if they don't want to. This is not the normal traditional way, at all, but it has always been my very strong opinion. Children are the future, and children have wants, needs, and feelings, just as we do. To mistreat or neglect them is a crime! They should be part of the wealth of the people/family and regarded most highly. My parents and extended family always made me feel wanted, loved, and regarded. They tried to exercise their values through their lives and so I also do. Living by example is the best way -- kids know when their elders are "Do as I say, not as I do" and this rings very false to them. It also destroys lives and societies. Maybe a lot of people can't see a better way, or imagine a better world; I say each of us has to try our best to be personally responsible, compassionate and caring to our families (including our companion animals) and to others.

Your niece sounds like a caring and strong person. *Prayers* and best thoughts for her!
I will look into efficiencies when i have the chance. I want to try first to get a promotion, but will be putting money aside in case things hit the fan. lol I have 35 years worth of stuff and i am terrified of ending up in a tiny place i would have to donate and get rid of so much stuff. Useful things that i have that would fit in a normal apartment.

I completely agree with living as an example for kids. I hate when parents do things they dont want their kids to do. They dont realize that children are watching and learning every little thing. I am happy you had such a great childhood. It always brings me down when i hear of people having bad childhoods. My mother taught me that the first 5 years in our lives is the most important. It starts to shape who we are, and has the awful potential to build traumas that you live with forever. She says thats the time you need to be most careful. You would be surprised how many adults carry around traumas from being a child and dont even realize it.


Powerless people have long relied on this tactic to get what they need/want, or to protect themselves. But manipulation like that is the mark of an extremely unhealthy relationship. Nobody should feel so powerless in an intimate relationship that they have to resort to that. Marriage mates ought to love and respect each other enough to talk things out as equals.
Most people are very unhealthy mentally and tactics like that make relationships easier. For example, i have this family member that cannot stand being told what to do. So, you have to say things in a way so it doesnt sound like an order. If using psychology gets you what you want, without forcing someone, or making them do something they dont want. I dont think it matters. Its like the saying goes "You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar." That itself is a manipulation. I know if i tell some of my coworkers to do something, they will whine and complain. But when you put on the nice act, people start reflecting the same behavior. It helps make things easier with family, friends, and at work. People who arent even a part of my department end up offering to help me without my even asking.

Does it suck to have to do that and not just speak your mind? Sure. But it avoids drama, and that gives you power in those situations, because you have some control.

Hopefully i make sense. lol The book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie changed my life when it came to dealing with people. Does that mean that i dont genuinely care about people, and that my kindness is insincere? No. But it makes things a lot easier when you are extra kind.

p.s. i always answer peoples kindness by being just as helpful back to them.
 

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I will look into efficiencies when i have the chance. I want to try first to get a promotion, but will be putting money aside in case things hit the fan. lol I have 35 years worth of stuff and i am terrified of ending up in a tiny place i would have to donate and get rid of so much stuff. Useful things that i have that would fit in a normal apartment.

I completely agree with living as an example for kids. I hate when parents do things they dont want their kids to do. They dont realize that children are watching and learning every little thing. I am happy you had such a great childhood. It always brings me down when i hear of people having bad childhoods. My mother taught me that the first 5 years in our lives is the most important. It starts to shape who we are, and has the awful potential to build traumas that you live with forever. She says thats the time you need to be most careful. You would be surprised how many adults carry around traumas from being a child and dont even realize it.




Most people are very unhealthy mentally and tactics like that make relationships easier. For example, i have this family member that cannot stand being told what to do. So, you have to say things in a way so it doesnt sound like an order. If using psychology gets you what you want, without forcing someone, or making them do something they dont want. I dont think it matters. Its like the saying goes "You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar." That itself is a manipulation. I know if i tell some of my coworkers to do something, they will whine and complain. But when you put on the nice act, people start reflecting the same behavior. It helps make things easier with family, friends, and at work. People who arent even a part of my department end up offering to help me without my even asking.

Does it suck to have to do that and not just speak your mind? Sure. But it avoids drama, and that gives you power in those situations, because you have some control.

Hopefully i make sense. lol The book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie changed my life when it came to dealing with people. Does that mean that i dont genuinely care about people, and that my kindness is insincere? No. But it makes things a lot easier when you are extra kind.

p.s. i always answer peoples kindness by being just as helpful back to them.
I haven't ever had to get one, but my roomies got a public storage space. That's an alternative. I have no idea the price, but if there are things you really want to keep and can't fit in a living space, it's an option.

"You catch more flies..." was a favorite saying my dad used a lot. (I never replied out loud, but I always thought, "Yeah? Who wants flies?!!" :evilgrin: Whether people denigrate it or not, it is effective and there is nothing wrong in being considerate. Some people's view of our fellow humanity is so dark that nothing ever satisfies. I leave the critics strictly alone. Let them get paid for critiques if they can. For me, I like the opposite -- try to find the goodness, the bright spot, the silver lining, etc., in whatever situation/with the person. Life is too important not to. And for me, it's not faked. It's real. My mom always said, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" and I try to live by that. Of course I speak up loud, long, and vehemently against cruelty, inconsideration, thoughtlessness and the like, but on stuff that's really not that important, I tend to keep silent.
Your mom was certainly wise! Our formative years are during that time, and the experiences we have during that time form us and influence us greatly. There is even the belief that a pregnant woman should avoid bad/negative thoughts and people, because the baby can be influenced by those. Who can know? One thing I DO know, though, is that my folks loved cats and when I came into this world, my big brofur was 3 and had been with them for quite some time. My parents taught me compassion, kindness and personal responsibility toward him, and we were BEST friends. And cats will always be the closest and most important family members for me.
 
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I haven't ever had to get one, but my roomies got a public storage space. That's an alternative. I have no idea the price, but if there are things you really want to keep and can't fit in a living space, it's an option.

"You catch more flies..." was a favorite saying my dad used a lot. (I never replied out loud, but I always thought, "Yeah? Who wants flies?!!" :evilgrin: Whether people denigrate it or not, it is effective and there is nothing wrong in being considerate. Some people's view of our fellow humanity is so dark that nothing ever satisfies. I leave the critics strictly alone. Let them get paid for critiques if they can. For me, I like the opposite -- try to find the goodness, the bright spot, the silver lining, etc., in whatever situation/with the person. Life is too important not to. And for me, it's not faked. It's real. My mom always said, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" and I try to live by that. Of course I speak up loud, long, and vehemently against cruelty, inconsideration, thoughtlessness and the like, but on stuff that's really not that important, I tend to keep silent.
Your mom was certainly wise! Our formative years are during that time, and the experiences we have during that time form us and influence us greatly. There is even the belief that a pregnant woman should avoid bad/negative thoughts and people, because the baby can be influenced by those. Who can know? One thing I DO know, though, is that my folks loved cats and when I came into this world, my big brofur was 3 and had been with them for quite some time. My parents taught me compassion, kindness and personal responsibility toward him, and we were BEST friends. And cats will always be the closest and most important family members for me.
Thats a good idea about the storage space! I will look into everything before i do anything, for now i am going to focus on saving up money. I was about to buy a comfortable chair, since i've been working from home. I have a $25 office chair from walmart. :flail: Its causing me awful pain. But it seems like such a waste of money. Who knows when we will be asked to go back to campus, it could happen any day now. Since they want to reopen things. Every penny i spend, is less savings i have. :confused2:

The kindness is genuine with me too. But i cant deny that i have used extra kindness when people warn me about the coworkers to watch out for. lol I havent failed yet to find a good side to the people that others seem to hate. Unless the person is a criminal, i think theres always a way to find a way to get along.

My mom always worried, because out of all her kids, i am the one that seems to struggle the most with mental health issues. From a very young age it is something i have struggled with. She always told me she believed it was because of the loss she experienced while pregnant with me. Towards the end of her pregnancy her brother passed away. Out of everyone in her life, he was the closest person to her. He knew everything about her. She never stopped grieving his loss. She ended up raising her nephew as her own, after her brother passed away.

Who knows if that is possible, but it is certainly interesting. I found this article a while back.

How funny that your parents taught you to love cats, because i am the one that taught my mom to love cats. She lost a dog many years back and never wanted to experience that loss again. So she didnt want animals in the house. She fell in love with my cat and adopted her own cat. lol After my mom passed away I ended up having to take up responsibility of her cat.
 

tarasgirl06

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Thats a good idea about the storage space! I will look into everything before i do anything, for now i am going to focus on saving up money. I was about to buy a comfortable chair, since i've been working from home. I have a $25 office chair from walmart. :flail: Its causing me awful pain. But it seems like such a waste of money. Who knows when we will be asked to go back to campus, it could happen any day now. Since they want to reopen things. Every penny i spend, is less savings i have. :confused2:

The kindness is genuine with me too. But i cant deny that i have used extra kindness when people warn me about the coworkers to watch out for. lol I havent failed yet to find a good side to the people that others seem to hate. Unless the person is a criminal, i think theres always a way to find a way to get along.

My mom always worried, because out of all her kids, i am the one that seems to struggle the most with mental health issues. From a very young age it is something i have struggled with. She always told me she believed it was because of the loss she experienced while pregnant with me. Towards the end of her pregnancy her brother passed away. Out of everyone in her life, he was the closest person to her. He knew everything about her. She never stopped grieving his loss. She ended up raising her nephew as her own, after her brother passed away.

Who knows if that is possible, but it is certainly interesting. I found this article a while back.

How funny that your parents taught you to love cats, because i am the one that taught my mom to love cats. She lost a dog many years back and never wanted to experience that loss again. So she didnt want animals in the house. She fell in love with my cat and adopted her own cat. lol After my mom passed away I ended up having to take up responsibility of her cat.
A wise article. Certainly babies in utero can hear what is going on outside, and just because they do not understand words does not mean they are not intuitive and sensitive to stress. Also, there are physical changes caused by stress and when the mother goes through these, it also must affect the baby. Few, if any, living beings are without stress from the earliest to the latest parts of their lives; but understanding these processes can help us to learn to deal with them as effectively as possible.

You're very wise to apply kindness whenever possible. It certainly can't hurt!

I'm extremely frugal as well. I pinch every penny twice before letting it go. My family was like this and to me it makes the most sense, even thinking about recycling and reusing for the survival of our planet and ourselves. Can you use pillows to bolster your back in that chair? Sometimes offices get all new furniture and a lot of times their old furniture goes to office liquidators for sale to the public. The furniture may be well maintained and usable, just not the right style or color for the sellers. My ex got a professional grade office chair at his business and gave it to me. It's what I've used all along. Or all of these websites where people sell things might be a good place to look if and when you get ready to replace your chair. I do not like spending money! but one thing I do believe in is taking good care of ourselves, because we are the caregivers of our beloved cats and they depend on us to be strong and healthy. I have a bad back but I have learned to do certain exercises for it so I can go about my daily life and work.
 
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I'm extremely frugal as well. I pinch every penny twice before letting it go. My family was like this and to me it makes the most sense, even thinking about recycling and reusing for the survival of our planet and ourselves. Can you use pillows to bolster your back in that chair? Sometimes offices get all new furniture and a lot of times their old furniture goes to office liquidators for sale to the public. The furniture may be well maintained and usable, just not the right style or color for the sellers. My ex got a professional grade office chair at his business and gave it to me. It's what I've used all along. Or all of these websites where people sell things might be a good place to look if and when you get ready to replace your chair. I do not like spending money! but one thing I do believe in is taking good care of ourselves, because we are the caregivers of our beloved cats and they depend on us to be strong and healthy. I have a bad back but I have learned to do certain exercises for it so I can go about my daily life and work.
I was able to get a chair today. I woke up with so much pain that i had to go out and get one. Otherwise i wont be able to do much at my desk. I started digitizing my families photos since i am home. lol

My sister finally left. It is so quiet and peaceful. My niece was telling me that her mom wants to eventually move to miami. She says she wants her own home, but will stay here a couple of months until she finds a home. She says she wants me and her daughter to continue living here, that shes fixing up the place for us. I am grateful to her. But i cant live in a home where someone controls everything. Where my cats are anxious, and theres constantly people coming and going.

I know it will be hard out there, but i hope i can switch to a better paying job and move out this year. I hope i can go somewhere that is safe and comfortable for me and the kitties.

My sister is so controlling that my niece put up a picture and my sister insisted on moving it to the location where SHE thought it would look best. Its little things like that, that show how she loves controlling everything and making it most comfortable for her.

Edit: i was writing this a few hours ago and thought i had posted. lol The peace didnt last long. My niece and her bf always have to argue about everything. He throws tantrums when she tries to teach him something. They were arguing about how to load a dishwasher. Im starting to think my nephew is acting so aggressive because of their arguing. I even had a dream they were arguing, thats how often it happens. :flail: She talks to him as if hes an idiot, and he throws tantrums and overreacts when she tells him anything. Not much respect there.
 

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I was able to get a chair today. I woke up with so much pain that i had to go out and get one. Otherwise i wont be able to do much at my desk. I started digitizing my families photos since i am home. lol

My sister finally left. It is so quiet and peaceful. My niece was telling me that her mom wants to eventually move to miami. She says she wants her own home, but will stay here a couple of months until she finds a home. She says she wants me and her daughter to continue living here, that shes fixing up the place for us. I am grateful to her. But i cant live in a home where someone controls everything. Where my cats are anxious, and theres constantly people coming and going.

I know it will be hard out there, but i hope i can switch to a better paying job and move out this year. I hope i can go somewhere that is safe and comfortable for me and the kitties.

My sister is so controlling that my niece put up a picture and my sister insisted on moving it to the location where SHE thought it would look best. Its little things like that, that show how she loves controlling everything and making it most comfortable for her.

Edit: i was writing this a few hours ago and thought i had posted. lol The peace didnt last long. My niece and her bf always have to argue about everything. He throws tantrums when she tries to teach him something. They were arguing about how to load a dishwasher. Im starting to think my nephew is acting so aggressive because of their arguing. I even had a dream they were arguing, thats how often it happens. :flail: She talks to him as if hes an idiot, and he throws tantrums and overreacts when she tells him anything. Not much respect there.
I'm glad you got a chair and I hope it didn't set you back too much. I have a friend who can't even work at a desk because her back is so bad. She has to sleep in a hospital bed. So it's really, really important to have something good to sit on while you work. Hope this one works out for you.

Living with other people is challenging at the best of times, and we're in the WORST of times now, all over the world. I get very stressed, exhausted and discouraged from time to time, too, like yesterday, when I could just hardly talk and it seemed like everything was adversarial (myself, most of all. I was just very angry with everything.) This set of circumstances is getting on everyone's last nerve. My way of dealing with it is to retreat to my "parents' basement" with my computer and work or socialize or look at videos or whatever I need to to. Every day I look forward to the last hours of being awake, which is when I take my dinner tray into our master bedroom, curl up with the cats, and watch TV. Last night I had 4 Netflix DVDs (DVDs rather than streaming, because most of the films I prefer are international and not too many people here want them, so they don't stream them) and I thought, great, I'll watch a couple of these! One, two, three, four -- every one of them was unplayable due to damage. So back to the TV and true crime shows. Nice light uplifting entertainment. :disturbed::sigh:

I'm pretty OCD, too, so I understand the need to have things a certain way. It's part of being Asperger's as I understand it. And I know it drives other people crazy, so I try to rein it in when I can. But in the beginning, my roomies and I had quite a few talks about this. The last thing I want to do is hurt or offend them. But I feel like I'm working from when I get up to when I get my TV time before bed, and after that I have to do litterbox cleaning, making sure my cats have food and water, etc., so it's basically work all the time I'm awake. And it can be exhausting, which is why I try to keep everything orderly. Less work for me. Less work means less stress and ultimately I think I'm more pleasant to be around if I feel relaxed. But I'm wound pretty tightly, so that isn't easy. Maybe your situation is similar in some ways? We never know what is going through other people's minds, do we?
 
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I'm glad you got a chair and I hope it didn't set you back too much. I have a friend who can't even work at a desk because her back is so bad. She has to sleep in a hospital bed. So it's really, really important to have something good to sit on while you work. Hope this one works out for you.

Living with other people is challenging at the best of times, and we're in the WORST of times now, all over the world. I get very stressed, exhausted and discouraged from time to time, too, like yesterday, when I could just hardly talk and it seemed like everything was adversarial (myself, most of all. I was just very angry with everything.) This set of circumstances is getting on everyone's last nerve. My way of dealing with it is to retreat to my "parents' basement" with my computer and work or socialize or look at videos or whatever I need to to. Every day I look forward to the last hours of being awake, which is when I take my dinner tray into our master bedroom, curl up with the cats, and watch TV. Last night I had 4 Netflix DVDs (DVDs rather than streaming, because most of the films I prefer are international and not too many people here want them, so they don't stream them) and I thought, great, I'll watch a couple of these! One, two, three, four -- every one of them was unplayable due to damage. So back to the TV and true crime shows. Nice light uplifting entertainment. :disturbed::sigh:

I'm pretty OCD, too, so I understand the need to have things a certain way. It's part of being Asperger's as I understand it. And I know it drives other people crazy, so I try to rein it in when I can. But in the beginning, my roomies and I had quite a few talks about this. The last thing I want to do is hurt or offend them. But I feel like I'm working from when I get up to when I get my TV time before bed, and after that I have to do litterbox cleaning, making sure my cats have food and water, etc., so it's basically work all the time I'm awake. And it can be exhausting, which is why I try to keep everything orderly. Less work for me. Less work means less stress and ultimately I think I'm more pleasant to be around if I feel relaxed. But I'm wound pretty tightly, so that isn't easy. Maybe your situation is similar in some ways? We never know what is going through other people's minds, do we?
Im not sure what happened with my back, but when i was a teen i was doing pilates, and i heart a crack, and have had issues ever since then. I have stupidly put off going to a chiro. I can manage the pain so long as i use good seats, and dont do heavy lifting.

Thats awful that your friend has to sleep in a hospital bed. =( There was a time that i slept in a recliner, having my legs lifted helped. Now i just sleep with my legs elevated and it helps immensely.

I'm sorry you've been stressing out too. I have noticed that having rituals of things to look forward to really help keep us sane. lol I think it just gets to us sometimes. Its just not easy living with others, and the stresses/messes that they bring with them.

Cant believe all 4 DVDs were broken. :bawling2: LOL i would be so upset. Watching movies is something i love doing with one of my nieces, so i understand how it helps to relax you. It helps you to get your mind off of the issues in your own life.
---

I was talking to my sister. The electricity went up and on top of that, no one has paid the last water bill we got. She randomly asked me to pay the association bill recently instead of the water bill, and now no one is dealing with the water bill. My nieces BF works sporadically. And i guess my sisters husband isnt helping. Im sorry, but i am not going to dump all my money into this house. I have my medical bills and i need to save up to move. She keeps telling me about it, as if im going to pay for it. She doesnt ask me for the money, but i think shes hoping i will offer.

My niece ( the one that is like a daughter to me) gets here this weekend. I just spent over an hour getting my bathroom clean and now have to share it again. :headshake: Like i said i have obsessive tendencies, i have to clean up the bathroom every time i use it, if someone else is sharing the bathroom. I had a few years that i would avoid public bathroom all day long because i couldnt mentally handle using a public bathroom. Then i had gallbladder surgery and couldnt do that anymore. LOL

I have heard of aspergers but never read into it. I do know i struggle with mental health issues of some kind, but never bothered to go get checked. My mom wanted to take me, but shes always feared pushing me because of the way my mental state was. I have always struggled with obsessive thoughts that tend to repeat. If i have a negative thought, i need to repeat in my mind a positive thought a few times to "negate" it. When i was a child i would obsessively count letters, and would need to count every letter in a sentence. Over and over. If we drove past a sign and i couldnt count the letters, it would fill me with anxiety. I have to check doorknobs obsessively. I cant sleep if i dont check locks, stove, and i need to see the cats before i sleep. At least twice before i sleep. I use to wake up in the middle of the night to check if my mom was still breathing.

I dont handle dealing with other people too well. People like me and call me friendly. But every time i have to talk to someone for too long, i start getting a horrible headache and just want them to go away.

I go through months where i obsess about things. I once obsessed for months that i had bed bugs (i didnt lol). Then there was the time that i had to completely avoid knives. I had the negative thought that i would hurt someone, and i had to avoid knives because i was afraid i would lose control. When i started using them again, i would walk around carefully pointing the knife to my other hand just in case. I know sounds insane. lol I struggled with worse thoughts, that i wont share here. I didnt get my drivers license until i was 32 years old. All because i had obsessive dreams of dying in a car crash. The dreams started when i was a teen.

Thankfully, none of the negative thoughts have come true, and im 35 now so hopefully thats a good sign lol. A forum on OCD taught me that if you can break the cycle that it helps the symptoms alleviate.

lol sorry that i started talking about this. Not sure why i suddenly felt like sharing all of this. Hopefully it doesnt make me sound like a horrible person. A part of me feels shame for all the thoughts that i have. Its just not something many people know about me. I guess we're all a little crazy. There have been times i have thought about getting help, but figure theres no point now that i am at this age. I have managed to overcome the things i needed to on my own.
 
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neely

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I know it will be hard out there, but i hope i can switch to a better paying job and move out this year. I hope i can go somewhere that is safe and comfortable for me and the kitties.
I hope so too. :hugs: I think it would help your obsessive/compulsive tendencies also. If you had your own apartment you wouldn't have to worry about sharing a bathroom and the cats wouldn't have to worry about a toddler chasing them. It's something to look forward to and plan for the future.
 
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I hope so too. :hugs: I think it would help your obsessive/compulsive tendencies also. If you had your own apartment you wouldn't have to worry about sharing a bathroom and the cats wouldn't have to worry about a toddler chasing them. It's something to look forward to and plan for the future.
Definitely. When my niece went away for a few weeks, my mental state was in a really good place. My mother is the only one i have ever been okay sharing spaces with. She always understood my obsessive tendencies and would try to work around me. lol There was a time that i could only sit on the one chair that i had designated as "clean" and she wouldnt sit on the chair. No idea why the chair was clean, but in my mind it was a big deal at the time. :flail: p.s. i know i sound ridiculous. But it would be a big deal to me when these things happened.

I am praying good things come this year. :heartshape:
 

neely

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There was a time that i could only sit on the one chair that i had designated as "clean" and she wouldnt sit on the chair. No idea why the chair was clean, but in my mind it was a big deal at the time. :flail: p.s. i know i sound ridiculous. But it would be a big deal to me when these things happened.
I am praying good things come this year. :heartshape:
Not ridiculous at all, everyone has their own idiosyncrasies. That's what makes us all unique, some of us are a little more unique than others. 😉 I will pray good things come this year for you too.🙏
 
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Not ridiculous at all, everyone has their own idiosyncrasies. That's what makes us all unique, some of us are a little more unique than others. 😉 I will pray good things come this year for you too.🙏
Thank you so much for your kindness and support. It means so much to me. :heartshape: I pray good things come for you as well this year.
 

tarasgirl06

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Im not sure what happened with my back, but when i was a teen i was doing pilates, and i heart a crack, and have had issues ever since then. I have stupidly put off going to a chiro. I can manage the pain so long as i use good seats, and dont do heavy lifting.

Thats awful that your friend has to sleep in a hospital bed. =( There was a time that i slept in a recliner, having my legs lifted helped. Now i just sleep with my legs elevated and it helps immensely.

I'm sorry you've been stressing out too. I have noticed that having rituals of things to look forward to really help keep us sane. lol I think it just gets to us sometimes. Its just not easy living with others, and the stresses/messes that they bring with them.

Cant believe all 4 DVDs were broken. :bawling2: LOL i would be so upset. Watching movies is something i love doing with one of my nieces, so i understand how it helps to relax you. It helps you to get your mind off of the issues in your own life.
---

I was talking to my sister. The electricity went up and on top of that, no one has paid the last water bill we got. She randomly asked me to pay the association bill recently instead of the water bill, and now no one is dealing with the water bill. My nieces BF works sporadically. And i guess my sisters husband isnt helping. Im sorry, but i am not going to dump all my money into this house. I have my medical bills and i need to save up to move. She keeps telling me about it, as if im going to pay for it. She doesnt ask me for the money, but i think shes hoping i will offer.

My niece ( the one that is like a daughter to me) gets here this weekend. I just spent over an hour getting my bathroom clean and now have to share it again. :headshake: Like i said i have obsessive tendencies, i have to clean up the bathroom every time i use it, if someone else is sharing the bathroom. I had a few years that i would avoid public bathroom all day long because i couldnt mentally handle using a public bathroom. Then i had gallbladder surgery and couldnt do that anymore. LOL

I have heard of aspergers but never read into it. I do know i struggle with mental health issues of some kind, but never bothered to go get checked. My mom wanted to take me, but shes always feared pushing me because of the way my mental state was. I have always struggled with obsessive thoughts that tend to repeat. If i have a negative thought, i need to repeat in my mind a positive thought a few times to "negate" it. When i was a child i would obsessively count letters, and would need to count every letter in a sentence. Over and over. If we drove past a sign and i couldnt count the letters, it would fill me with anxiety. I have to check doorknobs obsessively. I cant sleep if i dont check locks, stove, and i need to see the cats before i sleep. At least twice before i sleep. I use to wake up in the middle of the night to check if my mom was still breathing.

I dont handle dealing with other people too well. People like me and call me friendly. But every time i have to talk to someone for too long, i start getting a horrible headache and just want them to go away.

I go through months where i obsess about things. I once obsessed for months that i had bed bugs (i didnt lol). Then there was the time that i had to completely avoid knives. I had the negative thought that i would hurt someone, and i had to avoid knives because i was afraid i would lose control. When i started using them again, i would walk around carefully pointing the knife to my other hand just in case. I know sounds insane. lol I struggled with worse thoughts, that i wont share here. I didnt get my drivers license until i was 32 years old. All because i had obsessive dreams of dying in a car crash. The dreams started when i was a teen.

Thankfully, none of the negative thoughts have come true, and im 35 now so hopefully thats a good sign lol. A forum on OCD taught me that if you can break the cycle that it helps the symptoms alleviate.

lol sorry that i started talking about this. Not sure why i suddenly felt like sharing all of this. Hopefully it doesnt make me sound like a horrible person. A part of me feels shame for all the thoughts that i have. Its just not something many people know about me. I guess we're all a little crazy. There have been times i have thought about getting help, but figure theres no point now that i am at this age. I have managed to overcome the things i needed to on my own.
I have had/have quite a few similar thoughts and traits over my lifetime, and I find that focusing outward and staying busy helps a lot (because I'm too involved in work to focus on closer things, I guess). My brain rarely shuts down so I am insomniac, but I fall asleep in front of the TV EVERY NIGHT and even in movie theatres when I used to go. I'm always strategizing, planning, and obsessing over stuff I have to do, trying to work it out to the nth degree, and then, of course, I want to get up and deal with it, but most of this stuff involves business calls so I can't do it in the middle of the night. If there's a project in the works, I can NOT rest until it's completed, which can take time because of the other people having to deal with it. I'll work myself to exhaustion just to get something done so I can *try to* rest. But the decks are never fully cleared :sigh: And we are forced to take driver training in school, but I have never gotten my license. In my family, most of the women do not drive. Plus, I have a depth perception problem, so no one should ever encourage me to get behind the wheel of a vehicle.:disappointed:
Asperger's Syndrome is defined as high-functioning autism. I haven't been formally diagnosed but I'm pretty sure I fit into this because I've read/studied a lot about it. Quite a few people say nice things about me, too, and I do like compassionate, kind, caring, gentle people, but the ones who aren't basically don't make me feel good and I try to avoid them at all costs. But I am fascinated by human nature and will never stop learning about what makes each of us unique.
How my roomies and I handle the utilities was suggested by my male roomie -- average the cost over a year (add up the bills over 12 mos. and then divide by 12) and then everything on top of that, they pay. They offered to pay the entire tab for the utilities but I don't think that's fair, even though I'm extremely careful and frugal in my usage. So his suggestion has been working really well. And they chose a different provider for their IT, so they pay 100% of their own cable, internet and phone. Maybe that could work for you?
 
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terestrife

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I have had/have quite a few similar thoughts and traits over my lifetime, and I find that focusing outward and staying busy helps a lot (because I'm too involved in work to focus on closer things, I guess). My brain rarely shuts down so I am insomniac, but I fall asleep in front of the TV EVERY NIGHT and even in movie theatres when I used to go. I'm always strategizing, planning, and obsessing over stuff I have to do, trying to work it out to the nth degree, and then, of course, I want to get up and deal with it, but most of this stuff involves business calls so I can't do it in the middle of the night. If there's a project in the works, I can NOT rest until it's completed, which can take time because of the other people having to deal with it. I'll work myself to exhaustion just to get something done so I can *try to* rest. But the decks are never fully cleared :sigh: And we are forced to take driver training in school, but I have never gotten my license. In my family, most of the women do not drive. Plus, I have a depth perception problem, so no one should ever encourage me to get behind the wheel of a vehicle.:disappointed:
Asperger's Syndrome is defined as high-functioning autism. I haven't been formally diagnosed but I'm pretty sure I fit into this because I've read/studied a lot about it. Quite a few people say nice things about me, too, and I do like compassionate, kind, caring, gentle people, but the ones who aren't basically don't make me feel good and I try to avoid them at all costs. But I am fascinated by human nature and will never stop learning about what makes each of us unique.
How my roomies and I handle the utilities was suggested by my male roomie -- average the cost over a year (add up the bills over 12 mos. and then divide by 12) and then everything on top of that, they pay. They offered to pay the entire tab for the utilities but I don't think that's fair, even though I'm extremely careful and frugal in my usage. So his suggestion has been working really well. And they chose a different provider for their IT, so they pay 100% of their own cable, internet and phone. Maybe that could work for you?
Being busy is definitely helpful. When you are too idle, thoughts like that can become overwhelming. Have you tried writing down all the things you need to do on a notebook. Just to see if that calms you down enough to be able to rest? I used to have to do that because i would stay up at night worrying about everything i had to do. Dont feel bad about not having a license, i probably wouldnt have bothered if my mom was still around. But i cant deny that its nice to have the independence.


She'll sometimes have her daughters bf help if i truly cant pay a utility. I dont want to start pushing to start dividing things and it gets to the point that i cant afford it, and cant put aside money for medical stuff/savings. I dont know what shes been doing with the money my nieces bf has given her. The mortgage is behind and so is the association. She has helped a few times with the water bill using his money. I'm not sure whats best. But i wont ever move out if i dont start putting aside money. Two people keeping a house going in miami is not easy on a low wage. My nieces BF makes twice what i make, and its only now that they increased his rent.

I dont know if she uses some of the money for herself, which wouldnt surprise me. I'll just keep things going as is, in the hopes that she'll leave me be as much as possible.
 

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Being busy is definitely helpful. When you are too idle, thoughts like that can become overwhelming. Have you tried writing down all the things you need to do on a notebook. Just to see if that calms you down enough to be able to rest? I used to have to do that because i would stay up at night worrying about everything i had to do. Dont feel bad about not having a license, i probably wouldnt have bothered if my mom was still around. But i cant deny that its nice to have the independence.


She'll sometimes have her daughters bf help if i truly cant pay a utility. I dont want to start pushing to start dividing things and it gets to the point that i cant afford it, and cant put aside money for medical stuff/savings. I dont know what shes been doing with the money my nieces bf has given her. The mortgage is behind and so is the association. She has helped a few times with the water bill using his money. I'm not sure whats best. But i wont ever move out if i dont start putting aside money. Two people keeping a house going in miami is not easy on a low wage. My nieces BF makes twice what i make, and its only now that they increased his rent.

I dont know if she uses some of the money for herself, which wouldnt surprise me. I'll just keep things going as is, in the hopes that she'll leave me be as much as possible.
Thanks for the suggestion! Yes, I sometimes do that, and it does help -- unless I think of something ELSE...:sigh:
In my family, the men drive us. My dad would drive my mom and I to the mall and then pick us up when we called him. Then my exes drove and we would usually go together wherever we were going. They would drive me to visit my parents, too, and pick me up later. I like it that way. I'm not much for going out, and of course we're under lockdown now. My roomie and I go to the grocery store -- she drives. It was awful for me, being forced to learn to drive.
Miami and L.A. Metro are not so different, then. Many people can't afford to live here. And Glendale, where I live is even worse. Many people have had to move elsewhere because they can't afford the rents. It used to be that normal people could find places for reasonable rent, but that changed quite awhile ago. If my parents had not kept this place for me, I have no idea where I'd be -- probably not alive, because I could not survive if I had to part from my cats. I thank them every day for our good fortune.
It sounds like you may have a fracture on a vertebra! Not sure, of course. Strange things can happen like that, for no apparent reason. Back problems are terrible. My Ex #2 said he put his back out this past week, and it happened when he was sitting down! No rhyme or reason to that.
 
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Thanks for the suggestion! Yes, I sometimes do that, and it does help -- unless I think of something ELSE...:sigh:
In my family, the men drive us. My dad would drive my mom and I to the mall and then pick us up when we called him. Then my exes drove and we would usually go together wherever we were going. They would drive me to visit my parents, too, and pick me up later. I like it that way. I'm not much for going out, and of course we're under lockdown now. My roomie and I go to the grocery store -- she drives. It was awful for me, being forced to learn to drive.
Miami and L.A. Metro are not so different, then. Many people can't afford to live here. And Glendale, where I live is even worse. Many people have had to move elsewhere because they can't afford the rents. It used to be that normal people could find places for reasonable rent, but that changed quite awhile ago. If my parents had not kept this place for me, I have no idea where I'd be -- probably not alive, because I could not survive if I had to part from my cats. I thank them every day for our good fortune.
It sounds like you may have a fracture on a vertebra! Not sure, of course. Strange things can happen like that, for no apparent reason. Back problems are terrible. My Ex #2 said he put his back out this past week, and it happened when he was sitting down! No rhyme or reason to that.
Once things get normal again i plan to go to the chiro. I never had the money to go, and ive been putting it off because of my other health issues. Hopefully i can finally figure out whats wrong. Been in pain for 3 days now.

Don't get my wrong, if i could have stayed without a license i would have. My mom and family members used to drive me around. But eventually it became a burden to most of them (except my mom). She pushed me to practice with her, thank God. When my mother passed away. I went from being her carer, and working as my nieces nanny. To suddenly having to get work outside from home. Thanks to my brother i was able to be with my mom during her last years.

But there wasnt anyone that could drive me to/from work. I needed to be able to go out to the grocery store, or even just to get out of that stressful house. I still dont love driving, i just love the freedom. Miami traffic is terrifying though. If it wasnt for my mom, i am not sure i would have been able to handle the 1.5 hours (morning and night) drive to my old job. Homestead to Doral in heavy traffic. I have awful memories from that time. lol

I have some sad memories of my mom before she passed away. She kept worrying whether or not i would be able to find my way. She wondered if she had failed me in some way, because i have been so lost for so long.

My niece is finally here and i am happy to be able to see her. She ended up bringing one of her husbands sibling over. So we have three people staying here. Three people to feed when we are struggling. I recently deep cleaned my bathroom after my sister left. And now its so disgusting. Gross hairs all over, and junk all over. The house looks disgusting. I do not understand visiting someones house, and not picking up the sheets from the sofa, first thing in the morning. All the mess in the living room. Its just so aggravating. I dont want to complain as i dont want my niece to feel bad. This is more her home, than it is mine.

The way i have been feeling, doing anything is a struggle. All i want to do is sleep. Just aggravating that now i have to clean every inch of the bathroom again, and then my sister comes again in June.

Sorry, my obsessive tendencies get triggered easily. After seeing this 20 year old kid picking his nose in the kitchen, i already feel aggravated.

Thats the problem with living in someone elses home. People can do what they want and you just have to deal with it.

Not sure what will happen with this houses. My niece is nervous to go to an apartment, but shes sick of her mom wanting to control everything in the house. I am not sure if she will actually give up living in the comfort of a home. Since she has a child, my sister tends to let her have more control of what happens in the house.
 

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Sorry, my obsessive tendencies get triggered easily. After seeing this 20 year old kid picking his nose in the kitchen, i already feel aggravated.
Ewww! :eek2: You don't have to have obsessive tendencies for that to bother you. It's just gross especially with Covid-19 and all the facts about not touching your face. Do you know how long the sibling of your niece's husband will be staying at the house?
 
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Ewww! :eek2: You don't have to have obsessive tendencies for that to bother you. It's just gross especially with Covid-19 and all the facts about not touching your face. Do you know how long the sibling of your niece's husband will be staying at the house?
My niece leaves next sunday. Not sure if we are stuck with him until then. :sigh: But you are right, i am going to sanitize even more all the handles etc. Just in case. :mad:
 

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Once things get normal again i plan to go to the chiro. I never had the money to go, and ive been putting it off because of my other health issues. Hopefully i can finally figure out whats wrong. Been in pain for 3 days now.

Don't get my wrong, if i could have stayed without a license i would have. My mom and family members used to drive me around. But eventually it became a burden to most of them (except my mom). She pushed me to practice with her, thank God. When my mother passed away. I went from being her carer, and working as my nieces nanny. To suddenly having to get work outside from home. Thanks to my brother i was able to be with my mom during her last years.

But there wasnt anyone that could drive me to/from work. I needed to be able to go out to the grocery store, or even just to get out of that stressful house. I still dont love driving, i just love the freedom. Miami traffic is terrifying though. If it wasnt for my mom, i am not sure i would have been able to handle the 1.5 hours (morning and night) drive to my old job. Homestead to Doral in heavy traffic. I have awful memories from that time. lol

I have some sad memories of my mom before she passed away. She kept worrying whether or not i would be able to find my way. She wondered if she had failed me in some way, because i have been so lost for so long.

My niece is finally here and i am happy to be able to see her. She ended up bringing one of her husbands sibling over. So we have three people staying here. Three people to feed when we are struggling. I recently deep cleaned my bathroom after my sister left. And now its so disgusting. Gross hairs all over, and junk all over. The house looks disgusting. I do not understand visiting someones house, and not picking up the sheets from the sofa, first thing in the morning. All the mess in the living room. Its just so aggravating. I dont want to complain as i dont want my niece to feel bad. This is more her home, than it is mine.

The way i have been feeling, doing anything is a struggle. All i want to do is sleep. Just aggravating that now i have to clean every inch of the bathroom again, and then my sister comes again in June.

Sorry, my obsessive tendencies get triggered easily. After seeing this 20 year old kid picking his nose in the kitchen, i already feel aggravated.

Thats the problem with living in someone elses home. People can do what they want and you just have to deal with it.

Not sure what will happen with this houses. My niece is nervous to go to an apartment, but shes sick of her mom wanting to control everything in the house. I am not sure if she will actually give up living in the comfort of a home. Since she has a child, my sister tends to let her have more control of what happens in the house.
This is why the only people I could ever consider living with would by my aunt, my favorite cousin, or my current roomies. The first two being family, is different somehow from living with strangers; and my roomies are pretty clean now. Japanese culture is to have everything very clean! and once they got settled in and I talked with them a few times, they are pretty good about this. It's kind of helpful in a way that we're under lockdown, because she can't go out to the gym or golf, and she gets stir-crazy, so she cleans.
There's no way you can really clean up after everyone (I've learned this!) but the most important things you can do is to wash your hands really religiously for 20 sec. minimum after going out (or if you're dealing with something in the house that makes you feel uneasy) and keep your own environment clean. They're going to do what they do. If they don't get it, they don't get it.

My mom was like that with me, too, wondering how I'd get along. I was married to Ex #3 when she passed, and she knew it was an abusive relationship, but at least I had the security of it while it was going on. She and my dad were thoughtful enough, though, to make sure I'd get the house. THAT made all the difference.

Chiros are kind of expensive because a lot of insurance doesn't cover them. And it's so important to find a good one, one that you trust and can relax with. I hope you can. Mine gave me a paper with diagrams of exercises on it and I still include those in my workout routine. They do help to decompress the bad vertebra and lessen the pain.
 
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This is why the only people I could ever consider living with would by my aunt, my favorite cousin, or my current roomies. The first two being family, is different somehow from living with strangers; and my roomies are pretty clean now. Japanese culture is to have everything very clean! and once they got settled in and I talked with them a few times, they are pretty good about this. It's kind of helpful in a way that we're under lockdown, because she can't go out to the gym or golf, and she gets stir-crazy, so she cleans.
There's no way you can really clean up after everyone (I've learned this!) but the most important things you can do is to wash your hands really religiously for 20 sec. minimum after going out (or if you're dealing with something in the house that makes you feel uneasy) and keep your own environment clean. They're going to do what they do. If they don't get it, they don't get it.

My mom was like that with me, too, wondering how I'd get along. I was married to Ex #3 when she passed, and she knew it was an abusive relationship, but at least I had the security of it while it was going on. She and my dad were thoughtful enough, though, to make sure I'd get the house. THAT made all the difference.

Chiros are kind of expensive because a lot of insurance doesn't cover them. And it's so important to find a good one, one that you trust and can relax with. I hope you can. Mine gave me a paper with diagrams of exercises on it and I still include those in my workout routine. They do help to decompress the bad vertebra and lessen the pain.
This is what i have been doing. I sanitize and i am careful. I would love to follow the habit of leaving outdoor shoes near the doorway and having indoor shoes. I used to do that with my bedroom. The floor always looked great. I cant wait to have my own place so i can do things like that. :heartshape: I love seeing a clean kitchen and bathroom. My bedroom can be messy, but those two places must be clean. lol I dont know why.

I am so happy that you got the house. And that you got away from that awful relationship. My mom always liked to say that its better to be alone than to be stuck in bad company. My mom tried to be sure that i would have a safe home once she was gone, but things didnt work out. She made my brother and his wife promise that i would always be able to stay in my childhood home. The home belonged to my mother until she couldnt pay for it anymore. Then it was switched to my brothers name.

After she passed we got into constant fights. He would complain incessantly about the cats. Then we got into a fight (unrelated to the cats) and i choose to leave the house. He never told me to come back. I dont know how it doesnt affect him that he didnt keep his promise to his dying mother. That really affected me to feel that i dont have true stability in my life. That i can lose the place i am living in, in a moments notice. It showed me that you cant depend on anyone. And yet i still have this stupid notion of being there for other people to my own detriment.

I am glad you have that stability, and it is very wise of you to have room mates. Its not my business, but try to have as much saved up for the future as you can. :heartshape:

-

My niece, her husband, and his brother are still here. I dont understand being in someone elses home and not feeling shame when you leave a mess for someone else to clean up. I already told them i cleaned up their dishes this morning and to make sure they clean up after themselves. I am trying to not blow up because they are only here until friday. But my mood isnt stable right now. The brother is here taking classes, and shrieking/singing for his music class in our front porch. I get irritated so easily these days. I am starting to understand why my sister went so crazy after menopause, with all the hormones running inside me i feel like a crazy women. lol
 
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