The "what's On Your Mind?" Thread -2019

[LTS3]

It may just be easiest to replace all the shades than to repair the one broken one. I found a DIY video of how to fix the shade but it was a single shade on one head rail and prying out the mechanism is tough. My broken shade shares a head rail with another shade. I'd have to take both shades down and I'll probably break something in the process

 

[Margret]

LTS3 , I'd definitely be looking for a handyman to take care of it if this were my shade.

Margret

 

[kashmir64]

Can you try some music for him? There's an app called Relax My Cat, and there is MusicForCats . com or even low volume classical harp music.

Also, from mamanyt1953,
you can use chamomile tea as a calming agent. Brew a cup from commercial tea bags, chill it, and administer via syringe. Use up to 3 teaspoonfuls (or up to 3 tablespoonfuls for very large cats) per dose, up to 3 doses a day. I always recommend the commercial tea bags from the coffee/tea aisle of the grocery store because those are always German chamomile, which is safe for cats in those amounts. What grows in gardens is often English chamomile, which is toxic to cats. It's easy to confuse the two.

I know people who use Valerian to calm their cats. Brit's cat was so fretful when they moved that the vet prescribed a collar for him to wear which calmed him.
It lasted for 30 days. A liquid Valerian is available if it is difficult to pill your cat.

He's not stressed, exactly, he's more insecure and scared of being alone. Can't blame him after what he went through.
Since someone is home at almost all times, we just let him cuddle on us until he adjusts. I'm trying to teach him that he doesn't need to be on my chest and neck to cuddle.

 

[Margret]

I'm trying to teach him that he doesn't need to be on my chest and neck to cuddle.

Your face is where "you" are, in his mind. Your eyes and nose are there; you speak to him with your mouth; your facial expressions show your emotions; it's the part of your body that "you" most intensely inhabit. If he could find a way to get inside your head and snuggle with your brain, he would.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't be teaching him to cuddle in your arms or on your lap, just explaining why the job may be more difficult than you might expect.

Margret

 

[kashmir64]

Your face is where "you" are, in his mind. Your eyes and nose are there; you speak to him with your mouth; your facial expressions show your emotions; it's the part of your body that "you" most intensely inhabit. If he could find a way to get inside your head and snuggle with your brain, he would.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't be teaching him to cuddle in your arms or on your lap, just explaining why the job may be more difficult than you might expect.

Margret

Never thought of it that way. Thanks

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Nor had I! And it makes purrfect sense!

 

[Furballsmom]

Every time I fall asleep, he comes running and shoves his face into mine.

He also has issues being alone for any length of time.

The cat music isn't just for stress. It's also for felines who are in a state of mind/emotions that isn't/aren't settled. To me your descriptions are of a cat that is unsettled.

Low volume classical harp music is free and of no consequence to you (in fact it may have a positive consequence of you getting more sleep after a bit), but will make a large difference to this cat. I'm not making this up out of my hat. There's research that supports it, and where's the harm in trying it ?

 

[Mia6]

He's not stressed, exactly, he's more insecure and scared of being alone. Can't blame him after what he went through.
Since someone is home at almost all times, we just let him cuddle on us until he adjusts. I'm trying to teach him that he doesn't need to be on my chest and neck to cuddle.

I'm so glad that you have him after his traumatic experience. Poor baby, now he is not alone and gaining weight and being loved.

 

[Mia6]

I think I need to try the low harp music that Furballsmom posted for myself.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I think I need to try the low harp music that Furballsmom posted for myself.

I'm purrectly certain I do!

 

[segelkatt]

My "garden buddy" Jim is a few years younger than I am but physically and mentally not in as good a shape as I am, he's always commenting on that and that he would not be able to do this or that or even think of it or how to solve a given problem which is not in his expertise. He also has the beginnings of cataracts and so only drives in neighborhoods with which he is familiar and depends on that gadget he has on his dashboard that tells him directions. I refuse to ride with him.
He has a son in LA, some 50 miles away, and to visit him he calls an Uber or rides the train as he does not drive that far or on freeways. I, on the other hand, drive everywhere and anytime and no matter how far. Jim's son wanted to give him some outdoor furniture but did not know how to get it to him. I offered to get a Uhaul van, drive with Jim to LA to pick up the furniture and bring it to Jim's house. Jim accepted the offer, thought it was a great idea and we made the arrangements. Then the morning when we were supposed to leave in the pm he sends me an email, saying that his son was not "comfortable" with the arrangement, that he did not think it was safe for "two seniors to be driving that far", that he would get a Uhaul himself, Jim would take the train to LA and then Jim, the son and his wife would come down here to unload the van and then go home to bring back the van. I was not needed. Fine, but when I thought about it I got my nose out of joint at the nerve of someone who has never met me to make a decision that I was not "safe to drive that far". Just recently I had driven to LA to go see "CATS" with my daughter who was visiting from out of state, and I frequently drive to San Diego and back in one day which is almost twice as far and I always come home way after dark. I have never had an accident that I caused although I have been hit twice and that was way over 10 years ago.
Now it's one thing for the son to declare his dad is not fit to drive that far, and he is right, I would not let him drive at all until his cataracts are taken care of if then, but to make a judgement about someone else, unseen and with no evidence of that person's unfitness to drive is a completely different issue. I really feel insulted and I'm not sure I ever want to meet the dad. This kind of thinking smacks of ageism and who knows what other kinds of prejudices he has, he is second generation Taiwanese.
Am I just too sensitive, should I say something or just let it slide? It really irks me.

 

[NY cat man]

Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who think that once you get to be a certain age, you have one foot in the grave, and the other on a banana peel. I run into this myself, but usually I just do a slow burn but don't say anything. It is kind of irritating, though to be treated like some fragile hothouse flower.

 

[Furballsmom]

segelkatt I think, --because of the abrupt timing, that something else happened to cause the son to be in a "reactive" mode about the whole situation, and if I'm right, it might not have a thing to do with you personally.

 

[kashmir64]

Add me to the it didn't have anything to do with you. Maybe your friend said something to his son that sent up alarm bells. Maybe he needed to check his dad's living conditions and this was the way to do it. IDK, but I don't think it's personal.

 

[segelkatt]

The son and his family had been down here just a few months ago, for a birthday or dinner or something so he knew quite well how Jim was doing and how he lived etc. Jim even took him to the garden, showing it off although it did not look great at the time, it was the end of the growing season and the spring season had not yet started, the garden needed some cleaning up and repair work done which is now complete and the garden now looks nice and stuff is growing again. Jim's wife Becky is currently in Taiwan for some health issues and she can get better and cheaper care there than she can get here. Sad but true under the US health care system that people who can do so go to another country for care for extended health issues. Luckily I have healthcare besides Medicare from my former employer and so do not have that worry but I know people who go without healthcare or go broke because it is so expensive.
My main question regarding the issue is should I just let it slide or ask Jim about this or even bring it up. For some reason the longer I think about it the madder I get. How dare Jim's son make such a decision about me when he has never met me? I could understand this if the man was just off the boat with prejudices against women in general and older women who drive. But he was born here and should know better.
Somebody please tell me in plain language what I should do, not try to figure out where this asinine comment came from. GRRRR!

 

[Margret]

Am I just too sensitive, should I say something or just let it slide? It really irks me.

1. No, you're not too sensitive.
2. Yes, you should probably let it slide. Right now you're too angry to be tactful about it. It may be ageism; it may be sexism; or it may be a concern about a man and a woman driving that far together when they're not married. All of these smack of cultural differences, which are best countered in a tactful manner. You're unlikely to get through to the son with anger, especially as long as you remain a stranger to him. If you ever get to know him, and once you've gotten over the immediate anger, then you have a chance of getting through to him, which should be the ultimate goal.
3. Always mention exceptions: In this case the exception is your neighbor himself. If you can do it without shouting at him it might be okay to tell your neighbor how you feel and let him talk to his son about it. He'll have a better idea of what's really going on with his son, and how to talk to him about it.

Margret

 

[Margret]

Well, tonight I went into the bedroom to fill my pockets before heading to Home Depot and the grocery store, and I looked down and there was the missing earring! (I had found the back in the kitchen and had thoroughly searched there for the earring before giving up.) The post was slightly bent, and the stone had popped out, but the stone was also right there and was easy enough to pop back in, and the post straightened easily. I'll still want to take a good look at it with a lighted magnifier to make sure the stone is secure before I wear it again, but I'm optimistic.

I still bought the Rust-Oleum at Home Depot, though. It increases my options, plus which I have a brooch that's been getting scratched by the shoulder harness rubbing on it when I drive and I want to shine it up and protect it from further damage.

Margret

 

[Mother Dragon]

Kumal is up to 9 lbs 5 oz. Yay. I can still feel all his bones, but now there's some padding.
He also has PTSD and I am not getting much sleep. Every time I fall asleep, he comes running and shoves his face into mine. Checking to see if I'm breathing? I love him to death, but I need to sleep kitty, and I can't do that with your face in mine.
He also has issues being alone for any length of time.
Poor baby.
If I didn't know better I would think he's female. He walks around the house and sounds just like a mama cat looking for her kittens. So much so, I had to check to make sure he's male. I wonder why he does that.

Darwin has separation issues, too. He'll sit by the door and howl like a demented fire engine when Robert goes out. Now Robert tells him,, "I'll be back," and he's pretty much OK. Robert started by telling him, stepping out, and stepping in again. He gradually lengthened the time out until Darwin was pretty much OK.

 

[Kat0121]

The son and his family had been down here just a few months ago, for a birthday or dinner or something so he knew quite well how Jim was doing and how he lived etc. Jim even took him to the garden, showing it off although it did not look great at the time, it was the end of the growing season and the spring season had not yet started, the garden needed some cleaning up and repair work done which is now complete and the garden now looks nice and stuff is growing again. Jim's wife Becky is currently in Taiwan for some health issues and she can get better and cheaper care there than she can get here. Sad but true under the US health care system that people who can do so go to another country for care for extended health issues. Luckily I have healthcare besides Medicare from my former employer and so do not have that worry but I know people who go without healthcare or go broke because it is so expensive.
My main question regarding the issue is should I just let it slide or ask Jim about this or even bring it up. For some reason the longer I think about it the madder I get. How dare Jim's son make such a decision about me when he has never met me? I could understand this if the man was just off the boat with prejudices against women in general and older women who drive. But he was born here and should know better.
Somebody please tell me in plain language what I should do, not try to figure out where this asinine comment came from. GRRRR!

Personally? I'd let the whole thing drop. You were kind enough to offer assistance to a friend and he knows that you are more than capable of handling it. If his son wants to go to all the trouble of handling that job himself, fine. He doesn't know you and he doesn't know what you are capable of but YOU do and his opinion will never change your reality. Since you won't be helping him that day, do something fun instead. Something just for you. You deserve it.

 

[Mother Dragon]

This kitty has been through some incredibly difficult and challenging things

Can you try some music for him? There's an app called Relax My Cat, and there is MusicForCats . com or even low volume classical harp music.

Also, from mamanyt1953,
you can use chamomile tea as a calming agent. Brew a cup from commercial tea bags, chill it, and administer via syringe. Use up to 3 teaspoonfuls (or up to 3 tablespoonfuls for very large cats) per dose, up to 3 doses a day. I always recommend the commercial tea bags from the coffee/tea aisle of the grocery store because those are always German chamomile, which is safe for cats in those amounts. What grows in gardens is often English chamomile, which is toxic to cats. It's easy to confuse the two.

Feliway diffusers are a bit expensive, but they're worth the investment. Both our vet and a feline behaviorist recommended it, and it works. There's another brand that says "with Feliway" but it's not as good. We order ours from Chewy at a decent price.