The "what's On Your Mind?" Thread -2018

[Alicia88]

I've been tested. I'm allergic to grass, trees, pollen, mold, dust, and dust mites.

 

[segelkatt]

I've always had a green thumb, but even if I thought the cats would leave them alone ,I couldn't have houseplants with my allergies. I wish I had space for a vegetable garden, though.

How big a space DO YOU have? You'd be surprised how much you can grow in a very small space. The space on the pics is only about 4 feet by 5 feet, but you could use a space that is only 2 feet feet wide and 10 feet long and have the same amount of space. As long as you have sun all day long or at least 6 hours you can grow all kinds of veggies and herbs.

 

[Alicia88]

I live in an apartment building.

 

[segelkatt]

I live in an apartment building.

So do I and this tiny garden was against the rules and they made me take it out once they discovered it, I then got a plot in the community garden.
If you have a balcony or deck you can grow stuff in containers, I did this too in a different place the year before when all I had was cement in the parking lot and I lined up the pots against the fence. This was in the alley where hardly anyone went so nobody stole my stuff. They probably never saw my potted garden as it was between my car and the fence. There were only two of us with a parking lot in back, everybody else parked in the street, so only the garbage pick-up personnel ever went back there and the occasional bum.
The way I find places to grow veggies one would think I grew up on a farm or with a big garden, but no, I'm a city girl and never had a garden or even a potted plant until I was 40+ and lived across the street of an old man who had a big veggie garden and fruit trees and the gardening bug bit me then and I've been digging in the dirt ever since and read up a lot and now with the internet I learn even more, becoming quite an expert after so many years.

 

[Alicia88]

We don't have a balcony or an alley. And the college kids around here would probably destroy any potted plants I put out. They're the kind who think it's funny to bust beer bottles in the street and the other night I went out and found baloney plastered to my car. Maybe when we move, we'll be in a place where it would be possible. For now, it seems like a bad idea.

 

[segelkatt]

I'm so sorry to hear that. When you look for another place you may also consider any little strip of dirt that might be available. I once lived in an apartment house that had a tiny "patio" in back which was just a step of cement and then some dirt with a tall fence around it. I hung planters on the fence for herbs and raised some tomatoes in that miserable dirt which was black clay, yuck! I was surprised that anything grew in it, it was so full of building debris and rocks. I stayed there only a few years and I never saw anyone putting their little "patio" to any use at all, but I had my tomatoes and grew some sunflowers just so I would have something else to look at from my bedroom besides that tall fence and some dirt.

 

[Alicia88]

John's mom owns a house. I want to ask her if she would mind me putting in a little garden.

 

[Katie M]

I have to call the power company today. I got my bill on Saturday, but it says I owe nothing

 

[debbila]

I have to call the power company today. I got my bill on Saturday, but it says I owe nothing

That's good. Maybe you paid too much last month like I did. Forgot I paid it and paid it again. This month I have a -$48 bill. Sooo nice!

 

[Alicia88]

That happened to me once. I was confused until I realized that the electric company had refunded my deposit as a reward for paying my bill on time for over a year. It was nice.
I need to work on my time management skills. With the baby, Aislyn being here for Easter, and the Easter activities, I ended up submitting my paper 8 minutes late thi week. Hopefully my professor will ooverlook it.
Aislyn likes her brother, but thinks he's boring. Lol. I told he will be more fun when he's older.

 

[arouetta]

I think the cats have spring fever. They are both far, far more vocal. Montressor has been coming downstairs a lot seeking attention. Midway is constantly underfoot. The kid moved the vacuum from the tiny little corner between the downstairs bathroom sink and the wall, and Midway is constantly getting into that corner and then pouncing out at nothing, spinning and kinda grabbing the door jamb with his claws. It's like something ramped both their energy up to high level.

 

[LTS3]

I think one of my references cost me a potential job offer Last week she texted me saying that she got contacted to provide a reference and wanted a description of the job. I sent her the link to the job. She looked at it and said it wasn't good enough for me. Um, this is the same person who keeps saying how horrible my job is and that I need to leave as soon as I can (and the same person who got me into this mess in the first place). She texted me today asking what she should say if she's asked why I'm looking to leave my current job and all this other stuff. She *knows* the answers to all these because we discussed before. A generic "looking for job that offers opportunities to grow" would suffice. I didn't see the message or a voicemail from her until noon (was at work and had phone off) which was too late to reply to because I got a call from the recruiter saying someone else was offered the position because of "a better fit". It's disapointing

 

[Alicia88]

That doesn't sound like a very good person to use as a reference.
One of the places we applied to move to called our landlord for a reference. He told them we were the best tenants he'd ever had and he was sorry to lose us and wished he had a bigger place to offer us. Maybe his shining recommendation will convince them to overlook our 4 cats. I offered to pay a double deposit.

 

[segelkatt]

That doesn't sound like a very good person to use as a reference.
One of the places we applied to move to called our landlord for a reference. He told them we were the best tenants he'd ever had and he was sorry to lose us and wished he had a bigger place to offer us. Maybe his shining recommendation will convince them to overlook our 4 cats. I offered to pay a double deposit.

I always ask for a written recommendation of a previous landlord as soon as I know that I will move. The last one sold the place so I had to move within two months and the one before had moved back from Hawaii and so needed to move back into her place. Both of them wrote me a glowing letter but when it came to refunding my deposit they balked and claimed I had done all kinds of damage, all untrue, one I even had to take to small claims court and won. I had taken pictures before I moved in of every little thing (a scratch on the kitchen counter, nail holes, a sticking door, dirt on one wall and a dirty path from the door to where the bed had been which I had the landlord clean up and I keep a throw rug over it because I know that dirt will come back up, that sort of thing) and I sent a copy of those to the new landlord with the "in" sheet so it can be compared with the "out" sheet whenever I leave. I learned to do that the hard way a long time ago. Always cover your butt. Verbal references are gone with the wind but a written one is hard to argue with. I keep all of mine.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I left everything I owned. And I wasn't pregnant, but I guess it was a good thing I believed that I was for a few weeks.

You left with your life and your sanity, the two things you "own" that canNOT be replaced! Brava!

Getting old isn't for sissys! The inly golden paet is the color if your urine!

There's a thread for that...it hasn't been active for awhile, but there is one!
Gettin' Old Ain't for Sissies

I had a friend whose mother had the blackest thumb of all. She killed a plastic plant. She put it on a little shelf over the butane stove and it melted!

My mother always claimed that I could kill a plastic philodendron in a week, flat.

I've been tested. I'm allergic to grass, trees, pollen, mold, dust, and dust mites.

You sound like me. I'm allergic to over 400 pollens, mold, dust, dust mites, and several medications. I personally think that all of the allergies are at the root of my vertigo, since it waxes and wanes with the seasons. The dead of winter is the mildest "vertigo season" for me, as well as the mildest allergy season.

 

[LTS3]

This was for a job, not an apartment. Most companies just call a reference since it's quicker than email. This particular reference has known for months that I'm looking for a new job. There's no reason at all why she couldn't have prepared some answers to give based on her previous work with me and knowing my skills and experience.

Oh, she *just* texted me saying that her call with the recruiter went well. I didn't respond and am taking the message with a grain of salt. She has in the past have said things are fine and great, not to worry, blah blah blah but they all turned out untrue.

Sometimes I'm just frustrated with this person She's pushing me to find a new job ASAP but then says that I need to stay until the summer when two guys in the lab will be gone on paternity leave and neither will be returning after that so everything will be just fine once they are gone. Um, those two guys have nothing at all to do with my decision to find a a new job One of the guys is going on paternity leave in a few weeks, not this summer. The other guy has not said anything about expecting another child. My reference said that she was told directly by the guy and it's supposed to be kept a big secret And neither guy has said anything about leaving the company or being unhappy with their jobs. Honestly, I don't if half the stuff she says is true or not.

Then she says she knows all these people at other companies and will ask them if they can get me a job and nothing ever comes out of that.

I'm supposed to hear back from another job this week. I sent my references to the company but no idea if they will call anyone including this one questionable reference. They do have a high recommendation from one of their clients, though, which is great I worked with that client before.

I'm going to take this person off my list of references for future jobs. I have three others that I know will provide good honest references for me. And I'm not going to keep her too updated on my job search because I don't want to deal with being told that a position is too basic blah blah blah.

 

[segelkatt]

This was for a job, not an apartment. Most companies just call a reference since it's quicker than email. This particular reference has known for months that I'm looking for a new job. There's no reason at all why she couldn't have prepared some answers to give based on her previous work with me and knowing my skills and experience.

Oh, she *just* texted me saying that her call with the recruiter went well. I didn't respond and am taking the message with a grain of salt. She has in the past have said things are fine and great, not to worry, blah blah blah but they all turned out untrue.

Sometimes I'm just frustrated with this person She's pushing me to find a new job ASAP but then says that I need to stay until the summer when two guys in the lab will be gone on paternity leave and neither will be returning after that so everything will be just fine once they are gone. Um, those two guys have nothing at all to do with my decision to find a a new job One of the guys is going on paternity leave in a few weeks, not this summer. The other guy has not said anything about expecting another child. My reference said that she was told directly by the guy and it's supposed to be kept a big secret And neither guy has said anything about leaving the company or being unhappy with their jobs. Honestly, I don't if half the stuff she says is true or not.

Then she says she knows all these people at other companies and will ask them if they can get me a job and nothing ever comes out of that.

I'm supposed to hear back from another job this week. I sent my references to the company but no idea if they will call anyone including this one questionable reference. They do have a high recommendation from one of their clients, though, which is great I worked with that client before.

I'm going to take this person off my list of references for future jobs. I have three others that I know will provide good honest references for me. And I'm not going to keep her too updated on my job search because I don't want to deal with being told that a position is too basic blah blah blah.

What took you so long to decide that this person does not do what she says she'll do? To me that was obvious from the first time you mentioned that. Perhaps of not being able to see the forest for the trees.

 

[artiemom]

LTS3 Good thing you are removing this person as a reference; and not keeping her in the loop as far as job search. I would do the same.

It sounds as if she is a manipulator. I had the same thing happen to me. I thought I had a good reference; however, it took me years, before someone tipped me of that she may not be the 'good' reference, which I thought she was.

It sometimes take quite a bit of time for things to get back to you.

Good Luck..

 

[tallyollyopia]

Crazy at work and under the weather here. I'll catch up and read everything later.

 

[arouetta]

LTS3 This is mean with the utmost looking out for your own good. I'm honestly not trying to be mean.

You seem to doubt yourself, your capabilities, your whole sense of self-worth so much that when someone else does something that is not good for you, you sit there and try to figure out what you did to trigger it. You do mental gymnastics to twist what has happened into everyone else doing what is acceptable and right, even if it wasn't right for you. When you relate these conversations or actions to us, we tend to see that someone isn't genuine or is fake or is just plain old mean and try to tell you, but they are such wonderful people in your mind that you don't see the guillotine coming down until it is inches from your neck.

This reference, I remember that people (including me) were very concerned that since she wanted you to stay a few more months she'd use being a reference to tank your job offers. But because you seem to hate yourself and your perceptions so much, in your mind she was doing you a wonderful favor in getting you out of there. Before that, even when you finally accepted that you were treated poorly at your lab you still have come to us for advice time after time trying to find the magic words that will fix things proper.

The truth is, it's not you but yet it is you. You are not some minuscule little germ that deserves whatever treatment comes your way. However you seem to believe that you are, so you present yourself as such, and people are d***s and will often take advantage of such a person's lack of self-worth.

You have to be a d*** back. You have to believe that you are #1 in this world, that you deserve the very best and will settle for no less. And then when people come to you and treat you in not an acceptable way, you need to insist that they treat you great. Not just a simple statement, body language, tone of voice, everything. They treat you like crap, you simply don't notice them. You let your body language say they are insignificant in how you lean away, how you cross your arms. You take care of other people who are helpful first, and you make it clear the speed at which you do stuff depends on how well you are taken care of in return.

And, most important, you find that self-preservation instinct inside you and whenever anyone offers to do a favor for you (like a job reference), instead of graciously accepting, you analyze their motives. Why are they doing it? What are they getting out of the deal? Is there any chance they are doing this to screw you over? Yeah, a bit of paranoia, but as they say, just because you are paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you. Self-preservation means putting up a mental suit of armor to keep the killing blows out, because the other old saying of keeping your friends close but your enemies closer is also true.

You can't do this at your regular job. Things have just gotten way out of hand. You have to wash your hands of that job. But daily life, you can start saying "I'm worthwhile, I'm #1, and I'm no longer going to assume that every gesture of goodwill is heartfelt. I'm going to look at each offer of help with a reasonable level of skepticism to make sure that it's not a means of taking advantage of me." When things do go downhill, start saying "Was this bad luck, or did I accept an offer of help that led to this situation? Did someone try to take advantage of me?" Don't automatically blame yourself or think that you were the cause. Yeah, sometimes you are. Happens to all of us, we set ourselves up for failure. But it's not very common to set yourself up for a fall without any outside push. You gotta trust people a little less and look for those pushes. You absolutely have to say you are great and look for those pushes.

Until you can look at every person with skepticism and have an infallible sense that you are special, people are going to keep what they are doing. If you believe that everyone else is great so it must be you when things go wrong, you are going to live with this sort of thing for the rest of your life. You have to change everything. You have to change your view of yourself and you have to change how you judge other people's actions. Your view is far, far, far to slanted to you being the problem and other people being transparent and honest and completely charitable in their actions.