Sebastian, the feline love of my life

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goholistic

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A month ago today I said goodnight to my beautiful Sebastian. Words cannot express how much I miss my sweet boy and not a minute goes by that I don't think about him and wish he were here. I will always love my "Bastie." 
 
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goholistic

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Hi Nicole, I just wanted to check in with you today, & see how you are doing. I know its been one month today, & that was a hard day for me, so I just wanted you to know I am thinking of you.
Thank you, Kelly, for thinking of me and remembering that it has been exactly one month.  
  It is a difficult day, and I actually signed in to post a little something (see above). It seems like just yesterday he was in the kitchen hollering and spinning for food. 
 

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Today is the 8 weeks mark for our Callie
.  It does get easier as time goes by
.

It's funny, but to this day I still block the door every time I open it because Callie was a "door darter".  I guess it's just habit.  I wonder if I'll ever stop doing it.  I don't know...15 years of habit is a hard one to break.  Just lasat night when we returned from a concert, I walked inside and blocked the way, then thought...why am I doing that, but it didn't make me too sad.  I just thought about her and thought about the bridge and wondered how things were "over there"
 
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goholistic

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Today is the 8 weeks mark for our Callie
.  It does get easier as time goes by
.

It's funny, but to this day I still block the door every time I open it because Callie was a "door darter".  I guess it's just habit.  I wonder if I'll ever stop doing it.  I don't know...15 years of habit is a hard one to break.  Just lasat night when we returned from a concert, I walked inside and blocked the way, then thought...why am I doing that, but it didn't make me too sad.  I just thought about her and thought about the bridge and wondered how things were "over there"
Gosh, 8 weeks already? Also feels like just yesterday that you lost Callie. 


I'm taking it harder than I want to be. Still can't clean up Sebastian's beds or put the carrier away that I brought home empty or clean out his hair from his favorite brush. I suppose I'm still trying to keep him close.  
  I told you all in an earlier post that I'm working on a little something to keep him close to my heart. I think once that is complete, I will feel a little better about moving forward one baby step at a time.
 

mrsgreenjeens

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Today is the 8 weeks mark for our Callie
.  It does get easier as time goes by
.

It's funny, but to this day I still block the door every time I open it because Callie was a "door darter".  I guess it's just habit.  I wonder if I'll ever stop doing it.  I don't know...15 years of habit is a hard one to break.  Just lasat night when we returned from a concert, I walked inside and blocked the way, then thought...why am I doing that, but it didn't make me too sad.  I just thought about her and thought about the bridge and wondered how things were "over there"
Gosh, 8 weeks already? Also feels like just yesterday that you lost Callie. 


I'm taking it harder than I want to be. Still can't clean up Sebastian's beds or put the carrier away that I brought home empty or clean out his hair from his favorite brush. I suppose I'm still trying to keep him close.  
  I told you all in an earlier post that I'm working on a little something to keep him close to my heart. I think once that is complete, I will feel a little better about moving forward one baby step at a time.
Everyone processes grief differently.  AND, Sebastian was your soul cat, that's very plain to see.  Callie was my husband's soul cat, (Sven was mine, and it's been 4 years since he's been gone - I rarely tear up when I think of him now.   I usually get a little smile on my face when I think of him because I remember him with happiness and joy )  

Don't rush things....let them come naturally.  Clean that brush and put away his things when you think it's time....on a day, a week, a month, a year.   It doesn't matter to anyone but YOU.  Maybe your project will help you move on, maybe not.  We'll find out.  Oh, BTW, any change in Caesar?  
 

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Everyone processes grief differently.  AND, Sebastian was your soul cat, that's very plain to see.  Callie was my husband's soul cat, (Sven was mine, and it's been 4 years since he's been gone - I rarely tear up when I think of him now.   I usually get a little smile on my face when I think of him because I remember him with happiness and joy )  

Don't rush things....let them come naturally.  Clean that brush and put away his things when you think it's time....on a day, a week, a month, a year.   It doesn't matter to anyone but YOU.  Maybe your project will help you move on, maybe not.  We'll find out.  Oh, BTW, any change in Caesar?  
You're so right, mrsgreenjeens, as always: we're all different. Our Brooksie has been gone since December 2013 and I still can't bear to throw away the box (her favorite sleeping box!) with her things that's on the top shelf in the closet. And I've never opened the bag with her ashes; I just can't do it, though one day I'll sprinkle part of her in the yard because she liked bird watching. On the other hand, I love to see the "new" cats (we've had them since two days after we had Brooksie put to sleep: she was such a great cat that I couldn't be without a cat for any longer!) play with some of her things and eat off her dishes. I love that Brooksie has all sorts of legacies: tons of happy memories, little things around the house, and, most important, all that I learned about cat health and nutrition from her illnesses. It was painful to see her so sick but without her illness, I'd have no clue how to feed Edwina and Ireland's tender little stomachs.

All of which is to say that I understand the quirks we all have about what we do and don't (or can't) let go of. It's so hard to lose a cat!
 
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Everyone processes grief differently.  AND, Sebastian was your soul cat, that's very plain to see.  Callie was my husband's soul cat, (Sven was mine, and it's been 4 years since he's been gone - I rarely tear up when I think of him now.   I usually get a little smile on my face when I think of him because I remember him with happiness and joy )  

Don't rush things....let them come naturally.  Clean that brush and put away his things when you think it's time....on a day, a week, a month, a year.   It doesn't matter to anyone but YOU.  Maybe your project will help you move on, maybe not.  We'll find out.  Oh, BTW, any change in Caesar?  
How is your husband holding up....with the loss of Callie?

I sure hope this project helps! In regards to Caesar, after trying Feliway plugins, flower essences, and natural homeopathic and herbal remedies for grief and depression, all of which didn't really make much difference, the vet ended up prescribing him an antidepressant. We're starting out at a super low dose, to the point where I can barely tell if it's doing anything, but I see a very slight improvement. He's still not eating his full amount and is still rather subdued, so we are upping the dose slowly.  
 
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goholistic

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You're so right, mrsgreenjeens, as always: we're all different. Our Brooksie has been gone since December 2013 and I still can't bear to throw away the box (her favorite sleeping box!) with her things that's on the top shelf in the closet. And I've never opened the bag with her ashes; I just can't do it, though one day I'll sprinkle part of her in the yard because she liked bird watching. On the other hand, I love to see the "new" cats (we've had them since two days after we had Brooksie put to sleep: she was such a great cat that I couldn't be without a cat for any longer!) play with some of her things and eat off her dishes. I love that Brooksie has all sorts of legacies: tons of happy memories, little things around the house, and, most important, all that I learned about cat health and nutrition from her illnesses. It was painful to see her so sick but without her illness, I'd have no clue how to feed Edwina and Ireland's tender little stomachs.

All of which is to say that I understand the quirks we all have about what we do and don't (or can't) let go of. It's so hard to lose a cat!
I'm sorry about your Brooksie but glad that the memories of her now make you smile and that she became a "teacher" to you, helping you to learn about cat health and nutrition. Sebastian was a teacher to me, too. I spent countless hours learning about his illness and researching things to help him.
 

mrsgreenjeens

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Everyone processes grief differently.  AND, Sebastian was your soul cat, that's very plain to see.  Callie was my husband's soul cat, (Sven was mine, and it's been 4 years since he's been gone - I rarely tear up when I think of him now.   I usually get a little smile on my face when I think of him because I remember him with happiness and joy )  

Don't rush things....let them come naturally.  Clean that brush and put away his things when you think it's time....on a day, a week, a month, a year.   It doesn't matter to anyone but YOU.  Maybe your project will help you move on, maybe not.  We'll find out.  Oh, BTW, any change in Caesar?  
How is your husband holding up....with the loss of Callie?

I sure hope this project helps! In regards to Caesar, after trying Feliway plugins, flower essences, and natural homeopathic and herbal remedies for grief and depression, all of which didn't really make much difference, the vet ended up prescribing him an antidepressant. We're starting out at a super low dose, to the point where I can barely tell if it's doing anything, but I see a very slight improvement. He's still not eating his full amount and is still rather subdued, so we are upping the dose slowly.  
My hubby  SAYS he's fine.  I don't know...when his father died he said the same thing, then about six months afterwards he heard an old song on the radio (Glenn Miller song) and completely broke up.  So...one day he'll walk into the office when I'm on the computer and see a picture of Callie on the screen or something and I imagine the same thing will happen.  OR, I was thinking of sending him a card from Callie (like Kelly's sister did for her from Angel) and see if I can get him to cry.   I just don't know...

On Caesar's anti-depressant, hopefully you will only need it to "jump start" him and he'll be able to stop it after awhile.  Poor baby.  Are he and Boo not close?
 

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I just re watched the video. It's the end of it I love. No spinning around. No shouting for food. Just what is clearly a very contented and happy cat that feels safe and loved, and the hand of someone that clearly love him stroking him.

I know it's tragic, but that part of the video really makes me smile.
 

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I didn't share this in my original post, but I'm so grateful that the vet that oversaw Sebastian's care was the one who called me back immediately after I left a message on their after-hours emergency line. Her and her husband (the owners of the practice) rushed over to the clinic to meet me and my s/o with Sebastian. She already knew Sebastian's history and his struggles these past three years, so she already had the "big picture" versus someone who didn't know Sebastian at all, and she could be very honest with me knowing what she knew.



Emotion had taken a back seat for that very brief moment to me the strength to decide to take away Sebastian's pain.
That was VERY reassuring then to have Sebastian's attending vet and the one who knew the history (both emotional and physical) to be "the one" in those final moments with you. A support on many levels. :nod:

Yup - "emotion" can truly get in the way in life with many so very important decisions. Hard to take away sometimes but for a moment, when we can/do, everything may become quite clear.

And, grief, yes, is channeled differently for each of us. No right or wrong way (nor length of time) to grieve a loved one. For me, with Pipsqueak :rbheart:, it took a year to even write about him in the bridge. The one year anniversary of his death. His death was so sudden and unexpected AND FAST, that it took me a long time to strip down the layers of my grieving process before I felt strong again. He was my special kitty and will always be missed terribly. I still weep up over his loss. He was only 8 years old !!!!! BUT - time does heal all wounds, even the deep emotional ones. They scar over a bit and we are able to come to terms and accept the loss, moving past it, and are left with those happy, joyful and cherished memories that no one can take from us !!!! :vibes::vibes::vibes: :hugs: :hugs: :vibes::vibes::vibes::vibes:
 

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My hubby  SAYS he's fine.  I don't know...when his father died he said the same thing, then about six months afterwards he heard an old song on the radio (Glenn Miller song) and completely broke up.  So...one day he'll walk into the office when I'm on the computer and see a picture of Callie on the screen or something and I imagine the same thing will happen.  OR, I was thinking of sending him a card from Callie (like Kelly's sister did for her from Angel) and see if I can get him to cry.   I just don't know...
It's called rug sweeping. Its a psychological term for "I don't want to deal with that now so I'll bury it". Unfortunately the human brain is a very clever thing. It remembers even if you don't so all those emotions can be triggered by a song, a smell, a picture, anything really. If that's how he wants to deal with it then don't try and force it. He'll probably only get frustrated by your efforts.
 
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goholistic

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Thank you so much.
 
My hubby  SAYS he's fine.  I don't know...when his father died he said the same thing, then about six months afterwards he heard an old song on the radio (Glenn Miller song) and completely broke up.  So...one day he'll walk into the office when I'm on the computer and see a picture of Callie on the screen or something and I imagine the same thing will happen.  OR, I was thinking of sending him a card from Callie (like Kelly's sister did for her from Angel) and see if I can get him to cry.   I just don't know...

On Caesar's anti-depressant, hopefully you will only need it to "jump start" him and he'll be able to stop it after awhile.  Poor baby.  Are he and Boo not close?
If Callie was his soul cat, I would imagine he's hurting much more than he's letting off.  
   Actually, Caesar was always more close with Boo than with Sebastian. On rare occasion, Caesar would sleep close to Sebastian on a cold night, but they never played together or groomed each other. Caesar has always been an anxious cat, so I do wonder if it's more the change in his life that is making him this way versus actually grieving over Sebastian.  
  If Boo goes before Caesar, we're in real trouble.
I just re watched the video. It's the end of it I love. No spinning around. No shouting for food. Just what is clearly a very contented and happy cat that feels safe and loved, and the hand of someone that clearly love him stroking him.

I know it's tragic, but that part of the video really makes me smile.
Aw, thanks for watching it again.  
  And, honestly, Gareth, despite so many challenges and struggles through it all, he was still very content up until very close to the end! The video is proof! With the exception of a few where he is noticeably heavier and fur more black, most of those clips and pics were taken during his illness. I really wish I had gotten a video clip of Sebastian picking the litter out of his toes with his teeth. I know it sounds weird, but that was his ultimate happy, feel good activity, followed closely by general grooming. I knew he felt his best when he was picking his toes, and it would always make me smile. 

That was VERY reassuring then to have Sebastian's attending vet and the one who knew the history (both emotional and physical) to be "the one" in those final moments with you. A support on many levels.


Yup - "emotion" can truly get in the way in life with many so very important decisions. Hard to take away sometimes but for a moment, when we can/do, everything may become quite clear.

And, grief, yes, is channeled differently for each of us. No right or wrong way (nor length of time) to grieve a loved one. For me, with Pipsqueak
, it took a year to even write about him in the bridge. The one year anniversary of his death. His death was so sudden and unexpected AND FAST, that it took me a long time to strip down the layers of my grieving process before I felt strong again. He was my special kitty and will always be missed terribly. I still weep up over his loss. He was only 8 years old !!!!! BUT - time does heal all wounds, even the deep emotional ones. They scar over a bit and we are able to come to terms and accept the loss, moving past it, and are left with those happy, joyful and cherished memories that no one can take from us !!!!
Yes, I was quite shocked when she was the one who called me back!  
   And very happy that it was her and her husband who were with us that night.

I'm sorry about Pipsqueak, Lauren. 
   I remember reading your tribute and had wondered how I didn't know about your loss and was trying to find other threads about it but then saw it had been a year ago and you were just writing about it. 
   I'm glad you are able to remember him now with joy and not sadness.
 

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RIP Sebastian!

You are, without a doubt, an incredible person as is evidenced by how much you love your cats. There is not much else to say that wasn't said by the throngs before me, except that I hope you find some peace in some of the sympathy being sent your way!

May God Bless & Keep You! And may you one day be reunited with everyone you loved, including your loved fur babies!

Monty from Brooklyn
 

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Still thinking of you and hoping that you are feeling a little better, I know not fine, just better.
Sebastian was truly a beauty and so very loved!
Also, thanks so much for your response in my thread, "Still Missing Mickey One Year Later".
Your kind words meant alot!
I just want to keep his memory alive.
 

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It may be a well known poem but that is because it says what so many feel @GoHolistic.  

6 weeks is hardly any time at all when coming to terms with loosing a cat you love, and have devoted so much care to in the hope of keeping him comfortable and well.   Allow your self all the time you need, and until you find that quiet space in your home feels less painful to be around.  Sebastian may not be chattering away for all to hear but he is in your heart and you will always hear him there.  
  
 
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