Radar, my little mischief, is gone

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epona

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I just feel such a mix of emotions about it all - relief that he didn't die in the hospital overnight without us there for comfort, guilt that I didn't get tests done sooner (although tbh even if I had tests done 6 months ago with no outward signs, it would probably have just told us he was going to die and couldn't treat him), guilt that I had one of my best friends killed - even though I know he was suffering and wouldn't be able to recover no matter what we did, that thought is still in my head.

Sorry, I felt a bit numb up til now but the floodgates have opened, please just bear with me while I grieve.
 
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epona

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Radar came to live with us in late June/early July 2006. He was half Cornish Rex, and half "that furry black and white tomcat that roams the area", We went to see him and took him home in a cardboard box, when we got home and opened it he didn't hide or cower, he leaped out and started destroying things (Nate and I just looked at one another and silently communicated "oh no what have we done?" - this was to be an ongoing theme and this tiny skinny little scrap of black and white fur soon earned the nickname "Destructicat".. When he wasn't destroying stuff, he would climb up either myself or my husband Nate and lick our faces.
Radar Kitten.jpg
 
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epona

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We soon realised he was probably a bit younger than we thought, and not terribly well socialised - I spent the first week he lived with us in tears because he wouldn't stop attacking me, I took to wearing sturdy footwear and thick socks for a bit of protection. It took him about a year to settle down and stop playing "I am the lion and you are the antelope" with us, but I did walk around a lot with him clamped onto my leg in those early days
 
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epona

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He did settle down with us, and became very sweet and loving - he was still a menace to visitors though, and often had to be shut in another room when we had guests - there was no malice, just he would get completely overexcited, I had to prise him off several visitors to the house, including one time trying to separate him from my dad's head, it was like something out of the Alien films
 
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epona

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I am not painting a great picture of my lovely little boy - it was always a worry to me that if anything happened to us he may not stay in a home for long, you had to give him time to get to know and love you, and the process to do that was sometimes a little painful

But then he spent the rest of his life being a sweet and loving cat to us, he slept in our bed every night cuddling up to either or both of us, he did bully me off my pillow regularly though :D
 
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epona

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I changed my mind about the casket I wanted for his ashes, I hope the message got through to the crematorium in time and without any problems.

I am feeling marginally less teartful today, still hurts a lot though. I will carry on making posts here with things to remember him by, I am really scared that I may forget things about him.
 
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epona

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I will post some more memories of him when I can bear to go through all of the photos - I know some will go with little stories I have about him.

As it is, I am waiting to be told that I can pick up his ashes. I know it is going to be really hard, but I want to get that part finished and get his ashes back home - it may not make me feel any better but I am worrying about it so getting it out of the way will be good. When we have his casket I'll light a candle for him and have a really good cry. Not that I haven't been crying, I feel I can't stop sometimes.

He had his own pillow on our bed - he often used to bully me off my pillow so he could have that of course, but I haven't had the strength to remove his pillow yet.
 

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You and Radar walked a long path together, till the last step. And for this he will be eternally grateful.
You did everything for him, you fought with him, for him, next to him, nobody could ask for more. You were both very brave and strong even when the chances were poor.
Radar felt the love and the warmth of your heart till the last minute, and will keep feeling that love forever. Now his beauty has enriched the Meadows at the Bridge where he will wait for you, in time.
RIP Radar, sweet warrior.
 

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It takes a long time to get over losing someone you loved, but going back over all your positive memories really helps. Maybe you could make a photo album of your favourite pictures of Radar and write out the stories of all the things you love about him. Or print out that one special picture and put it in a frame near his urn.

I lost my Chicken at the end of last year. I'm waiting for the snow to melt so I can plant a tree where she's buried. I know that part of the garden is going to become a focal point. I'm sure I'll plant lots of flowers there so I have something beautiful to remember her by.

Doing positive things like planting a tree or making something in Radar's memory will help you get over your loss.

:grouphug:
 
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epona

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For years he had been sleeping either draped across my head, or under the covers with either me or Nate with his head on our pillows. Quite often he would want to have at least one of his paws touching my face - of course he would sometimes flex his claws a bit in his sleep and I often had the tiniest little marks on my face. They are all gone now.
 
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epona

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When we were on our way home with him when he was a little kitten, I looked at my husband and said "he's got massive ears like radar dishes, his name is Radar" and my husband grinned and nodded. Radar liked the name too, he started answering to it very quickly.
 

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It is often the 'problem child' we keep closest to our hearts. Radar sounds like had Siamese somewhere in his background. They seem to be the most active, the most talkative, the most defiant, stubborn little ones around. I miss mine so much too.......
 
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epona

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It is often the 'problem child' we keep closest to our hearts. Radar sounds like had Siamese somewhere in his background. They seem to be the most active, the most talkative, the most defiant, stubborn little ones around. I miss mine so much too.......
He was half Cornish Rex on his mum's side, there was Siamese (which is a permitted outcross here, to help with genetic diversity) in her line. Cornies are known for being affectionate and mischievous and he definitely fit both of those descriptions. He seemed to actively enjoy playing little pranks on people (mostly the cat version of leaping out and yelling "Surprise!!!!") and often seemed to be laughing :D
I'll share some of those stories later, I am kind of assuming that it is ok with threads in this part of the forum to act as memorials and support as and when we need it after a loss, and that it isn't going to be a problem if I carry on posting things here as I feel the need.

We collected his ashes from the vet today, I bawled my eyes out in the waiting room....
 

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I'm so sorry.... My heart goes out to you. I remember standing there at the desk waiting to pay,right after the vet told me my Yammy had Leukemia, and my other cats most likely too, tears were streaming,especially when my vet hugged me. You are so numb you don't even know people are there....
You can post here whenever you want, especially if you need support or an ear. Some people have like 50-75 pages on here. So don't be shy. It helps to reminisce, and to know others have stood in your shoes. Take care!
 
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