No Bond My With My Cat, Grief And The Idea Of Another Cat...

[Talien]

From the way you've been describing his behavior toward you vs. how he acts with your BF I almost want to say it sounds like he's afraid of you.

Will he come up to you on his own or does he try to avoid being near you if at all possible? Watch closely if he changes when he notices you you enter the area he's in, does it look like he tenses up or does he just watch you? You said he would purr if you pet him but just because a Cat is purring doesn't necessarily mean it's happy, look at his overall body language. What is he doing with his ears? Do his pupils dilate? Does his tail puff out or start twitching rapidly? etc.

It would probably go a long way to helping the situation if you take a good look at body language cues in Cats, they will tell you all you need to know about how they are feeling toward you if you know what to look for. If he is afraid of you then re-homing him may indeed be the best option because that's not likely to change unless you make a major effort to interact with him in a more positive way, and given what you've shared about your current state of mind it's probably not a good idea to try to force yourself into something you aren't ready for.

It's probably been mentioned already but one possible thing to try is to see if any close friends or family members would be willing to take him for an extended period to give you time to work through things. That way he isn't being given up completely and your BF can still see him whenever he wants to, and when the time is right you can try him in your own home again.

 

[danteshuman]

When I said choose the cat over the human ...... I meant a person that makes you loose your cat buddy is not that great of a person to have as partner. Also I’m divorced and my cats lived longer than my marriage. Turns out my x-husband viewed cat’s (and wives) as interchangeable and easy to ditch. My bud? He was my loyal best friend for 13 years!!! I deeply regret putting my two cats up for adoption to move abroad and live with my x. I resented him a little and worried about them until they passed. After that I vowed if I adopted a cat, it was for life, and any man could take the package deal or walk.

As for the cat attacks, I will assume you speak cat body language and are respecting his no (if he cowers or hisses or growls you back off.) Also cat’s pick up on our emotions. It is very difficult to be friendly and hug someone when they are screaming how much they hate you!!! So unless you at least feel neutral about poor Gusti, I think you should just avoid him for now. Later if you want we can help you build a relationship with him.

All of that said knowing nothing about you, it sounds like you are severely stressed and depressed. I think you could use some extra help until you feel your life is more balanced. I also think your bf’s cat has little to do with it.

 

[Faikey]

I can empathize with your situation. But due to different reasons. I lost my son 5 months ago and reading about grief as I deal with this loss it's completely normal to feel a bit distant towards the new cat. You may have tried too early to get a new one. You're still thinking of your loved cat. In my case, I had a stillbirth and I read a lot about how our first instinct was to get pregnant right away but realizing later that it wouldn't help me cope with my grief. My situation is a little more severe but the principle is the same. You're still mourning your cat.

I would suggest waiting until you're truly mourning your cat and get another rescue when you feel it's time. When my cat of 14 years passed I didnt get a new cat until 2 years after and that was just a stray I found abandoned.

 

[susanm9006]

I can empathize with your situation. But due to different reasons. I lost my son 5 months ago and reading about grief as I deal with this loss it's completely normal to feel a bit distant towards the new cat. You may have tried too early to get a new one. You're still thinking of your loved cat. In my case, I had a stillbirth and I read a lot about how our first instinct was to get pregnant right away but realizing later that it wouldn't help me cope with my grief. My situation is a little more severe but the principle is the same. You're still mourning your cat.

I would suggest waiting until you're truly mourning your cat and get another rescue when you feel it's time. When my cat of 14 years passed I didnt get a new cat until 2 years after and that was just a stray I found abandoned.

I am so sorry for your loss. A devasting thing to happen.

 

[Dave Brownlee]

I am VERY sorry for your loss - bless you in the future.

This may sound odd but it is true - get an Abyssinian or part Abby kitten/kitty.

 

[war&wisdom]

How are things going?

 

[inkysmom]

I'm sorry you felt I was attacking you. That wasn't at all my intention.
There are many studies and evidence that shows that regular therapy and medication in combination with best to help people with depression, much better than either therapy or medication alone. You've had a major loss and have a lot of stress and pressure besides the cat. Seeing a therapist weekly or going to a short time intensive program like a partial hospital program for a week or two could help give you more treatment and better perspective.
If you're on the maximum dose of your medicine and can't function and it's messing up your school, it may be time to try another medication too.
Cats can read body language. This cat is probably afraid of you becsube he can sense resentment and fear and anger and negative intensity.
I was in a long committed relationship for over six years. We lived together, he was there when my mom died. I found a tiny starving three month kitten next to a busy road. The minute I picked it up and our eyes met I felt an incredible bond. I had to take my mom's cats when she died so I already had six cats. The last thing I needed or wanted was another one.
I tried to find the kitten a home. No one wanted him. My bf flipped out. Tried to say no way . I said if it was a choice, I picked the kitten. And meant it. If he had that little compassion our relationship was meaningless. He backed down but the kitten was energetic.
I swear the kitten knew the bf hated him I acted out towards him deliberately.
He attacked and bit and pounced on him in the bed . But cuddled lovingly with me. Before he was housebroken he peed and pooped on the bfs side of the bed.
He chewed up and destroyed all his expensive cell phone chargers and headphones. Bf would never out them in a drawer out of reach but leave them out and complain about replacing them.
We broke up a few months later.
Still have my beautiful cat. Don't miss the bf.
My point is the cat picked up on the hatred and was awful to him.
You don't have to be alone and catless. You might be able to have a kitten. Most cats tolerate a kitten. And if you avoid this cat until you get some help for your grief you might be better with him.
Your bf does have to stop letting him bite when playing so he won't think it's ok. He needs to learn consistently that he can't bite people.
One of my cats I've had since he was a kitten and he's 14 and he's always been very mouthy. He does love bites when you pet him but he's never broken the skin. It's impossible to get him to stop I've tried everything I can think of. Since he never hurts anyone I've given up. He doesn't do it playing only when being petted.