Im sorry for the long title, there‘s a lot going on. I registered here because I feel like no one really understands my issues and those who want to help me say things that make me even more insecure. I think this is something, only cat owners can understand.
I might start where the problem begins:
My bf and I adopted a 15 yr old senior cat, Kurt, three years ago. He had kidney failure and heart issues but lived almost three more years. He died on 14th of Feb this year, so its been almost a month now that he‘s gone.
When I saw him for the first time I had instantly felt like we were meant to be together! It was literally love at first sight. We had a bond from day 1!
He was my first cat - I was 24 back then, living with my bf. I was never allowed to have a pet as a child so this was a dream come true! I was mad about him, I never knew I could love a cat SO much. I loved him more than anything. His face, his fur, his voice - to me he was perfect. My bf grew up with cats - Kurti was his 5th. So for him it was exciting too, but not as much as it was to me.
After Kurti died he left a huge hole. I was and am devastated. I still dont want it to be real but I know it is. I cry daily at least once. I literally sob for hours, looking at our pictures and I am unable to get myself to stop. I am in a very very deep grief and Ive stopped going to uni and doing other things. I dont know how to it without bursting out into tears, I dont care about anything but my little boy who isnt here anymore.
So as my depression continued, my bf suggested we would adopt another cat, not as a substitute but to revive our home and give us another cat to care for. Thats how we got Gustl. We found him on the internet, talked to his caretaker for about 2 weeks and exchanged news and pictures daily. I felt like we got to know hom enough to be sure that he can be our cat.
But now that he is here (its been 7 days today) I dont like him. I mean, I like him, but I dont feel anything when I look at him. I did not have a bond, nor any maternal feelings. He is.... well, just another cat to me. He bites, is aggressive and theres something wild and obnoxious about him. He is 5 and is known for being a „problem cat“. We knew that, but I thought I could handle it. But I cant take it. Hes mean and nothing like the cat I need. I feel like an imposter, like I dont really like cats how they are - I feel like a monster, but I dont want him here. If it was only my decision I would have given him back the 2nd day. I hate myself to say that, I hate how I can be such a cruel person.
But it is getting worse everyday. I cry even more about Kurt, I feel anxious and I am scared of him. I look at him and Im just angry at myself because of our decision and I am angry because I have got myself into this situation.
To make it worse, my bf likes him! He likes that he is wild and he thinks he is cute. Theres something about his face that is just mean - I dont see cuteness. My bf does though. And he dared me to wait another 6 weeks, because he is sure, I will get used to him and eventually grow into liking him. I dont think so! As much as I try to like him, I just cant. Could it be my grief? Or is it true that you NEED a bond right from the start? I am scared it is the latter - because I had it with Kurt and I know it exists. Did anyone dislike his/her cat at first but loved it as time went by? Really loved it? Is it possible?
And what do I do if it fails. How will my bf cope - will he even be willing to give him back? I admit that I need a lot from my pet, i need to be wanted and needed. I want my cat to be my everything, not just someone I tolerate. I cant tolerate him for the next 10 years.
This is where my last question comes up (I wonder if anyone made it until here - im sorry):
Would another cat maybe be a good idea? To give some background: he has met 5 cats before, he hated all of them. He couldnt stay nowhere because he was aggressive towards every other cat he met. Thats why he is alone at the moment. BUT - he is so wild, he plays ALL THE TIME. He is so needy!!! I am almost certain he needs another cat. Do you think there is another cat he could get along with? Maybe one I have a bond with? Is this a crazy idea and do I just search for an easy way out? I dont know he is 5 - is there a chance he can get used to another cat?
Im so sorry for this long story.... I am just completely helpless here
I might start where the problem begins:
My bf and I adopted a 15 yr old senior cat, Kurt, three years ago. He had kidney failure and heart issues but lived almost three more years. He died on 14th of Feb this year, so its been almost a month now that he‘s gone.
When I saw him for the first time I had instantly felt like we were meant to be together! It was literally love at first sight. We had a bond from day 1!
He was my first cat - I was 24 back then, living with my bf. I was never allowed to have a pet as a child so this was a dream come true! I was mad about him, I never knew I could love a cat SO much. I loved him more than anything. His face, his fur, his voice - to me he was perfect. My bf grew up with cats - Kurti was his 5th. So for him it was exciting too, but not as much as it was to me.
After Kurti died he left a huge hole. I was and am devastated. I still dont want it to be real but I know it is. I cry daily at least once. I literally sob for hours, looking at our pictures and I am unable to get myself to stop. I am in a very very deep grief and Ive stopped going to uni and doing other things. I dont know how to it without bursting out into tears, I dont care about anything but my little boy who isnt here anymore.
So as my depression continued, my bf suggested we would adopt another cat, not as a substitute but to revive our home and give us another cat to care for. Thats how we got Gustl. We found him on the internet, talked to his caretaker for about 2 weeks and exchanged news and pictures daily. I felt like we got to know hom enough to be sure that he can be our cat.
But now that he is here (its been 7 days today) I dont like him. I mean, I like him, but I dont feel anything when I look at him. I did not have a bond, nor any maternal feelings. He is.... well, just another cat to me. He bites, is aggressive and theres something wild and obnoxious about him. He is 5 and is known for being a „problem cat“. We knew that, but I thought I could handle it. But I cant take it. Hes mean and nothing like the cat I need. I feel like an imposter, like I dont really like cats how they are - I feel like a monster, but I dont want him here. If it was only my decision I would have given him back the 2nd day. I hate myself to say that, I hate how I can be such a cruel person.
But it is getting worse everyday. I cry even more about Kurt, I feel anxious and I am scared of him. I look at him and Im just angry at myself because of our decision and I am angry because I have got myself into this situation.
To make it worse, my bf likes him! He likes that he is wild and he thinks he is cute. Theres something about his face that is just mean - I dont see cuteness. My bf does though. And he dared me to wait another 6 weeks, because he is sure, I will get used to him and eventually grow into liking him. I dont think so! As much as I try to like him, I just cant. Could it be my grief? Or is it true that you NEED a bond right from the start? I am scared it is the latter - because I had it with Kurt and I know it exists. Did anyone dislike his/her cat at first but loved it as time went by? Really loved it? Is it possible?
And what do I do if it fails. How will my bf cope - will he even be willing to give him back? I admit that I need a lot from my pet, i need to be wanted and needed. I want my cat to be my everything, not just someone I tolerate. I cant tolerate him for the next 10 years.
This is where my last question comes up (I wonder if anyone made it until here - im sorry):
Would another cat maybe be a good idea? To give some background: he has met 5 cats before, he hated all of them. He couldnt stay nowhere because he was aggressive towards every other cat he met. Thats why he is alone at the moment. BUT - he is so wild, he plays ALL THE TIME. He is so needy!!! I am almost certain he needs another cat. Do you think there is another cat he could get along with? Maybe one I have a bond with? Is this a crazy idea and do I just search for an easy way out? I dont know he is 5 - is there a chance he can get used to another cat?
Im so sorry for this long story.... I am just completely helpless here