My little Pumpkin died today

dianajune

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I am very sorry to have to tell you that my little baby crossed over the rainbow bridge today. I took him to the vet because he just wasn't acting right even after he had a massive poop a couple of days ago. I nearly cancelled today's appt but thought better of it.

When I took him in they did xrays and an ultrasound and they found fluid around his lungs and abdomen. This explains his weight gain. From his last appt a couple of months ago to today, Pumpkin gained one pound. That is a huge weight gain for a cat in such a short period of time. He was diagnosed with a heart rhythm problem just a few months ago and this wasn't an issue then. Pumpkin's vet said these things can happen rather quickly, especially with an elderly cat.

I promised Pumpkin many times whenever he had flare-ups of his tummy issues that I never would have him put down but today I had no choice, I could have brought him home today with meds to make him as comfortable as possible but he was towards the end of his life. I would have prolonged his suffering if I brought him home,

I can't tell you how hard this was to do. When they gave him the sedative, it stung (the vet warned it might do that) and he wasn't very happy. Once the sedative took effect she did the other shot and he died in less than a minute. I was holding him in my arms when he passed away,

There's a giant hole in my heart and right now it feels like that hole will never heal. I am devastated. I loved my little boy with all of my heart. I hope he understood that, even as he passed away in my arms. He will be cremated and the vet will bring his ashes to my home, probably early next week.

I don't know how I am going to get through this. He was all I had.
 

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iPappy

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I am so, so sorry to hear this. I was hoping there was going to be good news today.
This was more than just a flare up of tummy problems. Something was very wrong, and it wasn't going to improve. Making that decision is the hardest thing to do, even when we know it's the right thing. We aim to give them the best life we can, but when the only thing that remains is their suffering, letting them go is kind for them and incredibly painful for us.
Rest easy, little Pumpkin...until we all meet again. :hugs:
 
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dianajune

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I am so, so sorry to hear this. I was hoping there was going to be good news today.
This was more than just a flare up of tummy problems. Something was very wrong, and it wasn't going to improve. Making that decision is the hardest thing to do, even when we know it's the right thing. We aim to give them the best life we can, but when the only thing that remains is their suffering, letting them go is kind for them and incredibly painful for us.
Rest easy, little Pumpkin...until we all meet again. :hugs:
I've been questioning whether I made the right decision since I got home. Intellectually I know that I did but sometimes my heart says no. I appreciate your kind words. Thank you!
 

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I'm deeply sorry for the loss of your beloved Pumpkin, but you know you did what was best for him.
You showed you your love till the end, by standing next to him, speaking sweet words to him, holding his paw till the last second and beyond.
He went to the bridge with these three gifts and this is what he will feel for eternity. He's happy now, because he knows your love for him is forever.
RIP Pumpkin.
 
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dianajune

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I’m so sorry for your loss. Pumpkin was beautiful. It’s terrible pain to let them go, and you always have second thoughts but you ended his suffering and set him free. My deepest condolences.
Rest in Peace, Pumpkin :angel:
Thank you!

My first night in this apartment w/o him was the worst. Out of anger and grief, I went through it like a tornado and tossed most of his belongings - I.e. toys, houses (2), play boxes etc. Maybe that was a mistake.

I have a boatload of unused dry and canned cat food I want to donate to a local shelter. It's the one that promised to take him in should something happen to me first. I hope they will accept it because I don't know what else to do with it,

His Miralax and Laxatone were increased recently, There were times when he refused to wipe it off his paw, so I'd put some extra in his food to make up for what he refused to take otherwise. When I did this, it wasn't nearly enough to make up for what he missed taking. I pray to God that had nothing to do with his death. I had no idea his heart was getting that bad and neither did the online emergency vet or his regular vet these past couple of months. Did I make him worse by doing this? I tried to help him. I had no idea his heart was this bad.
 
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dianajune

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I'm deeply sorry for the loss of your beloved Pumpkin, but you know you did what was best for him.
You showed you your love till the end, by standing next to him, speaking sweet words to him, holding his paw till the last second and beyond.
He went to the bridge with these three gifts and this is what he will feel for eternity. He's happy now, because he knows your love for him is forever.
RIP Pumpkin.
Thank you for your very kind words!
 
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dianajune

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Maybe I'm going off the rails with the stress of losing Pumpkin, but I keep wondering if I may have hurt him by trying to give him Miralax to help his tummy. Here is what I found about this medication. Are there two different kinds of Miralax? This blurb referenced "PEG" - meaning Polyethylene Glycol and "PEG with electrolytes."

Does this mean there are two different kinds of Miralax? I gave him the regular one.

Could the increase of his medication have caused his death?

I am devastated to think I might have made him worse. I was trying to save his life. Please somebody help me. I want to scream.

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iPappy

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I had a cat with tummy issues that took Miralax twice daily, for many years. When he passed, he had no fluid build up and his passing had nothing to do with his tummy problems. My Mom had a cat that took Laxatone for many years, and same thing.
I have gone down this road so many times, desperately searching for the "why's" and "how's" of my pets who have passed. It makes me feel like I'm going crazy. I've re-wound all the details of my life that I can remember and wondered "was it that?" or "did this thing that happened have something to do with it?" Then I remember there are many, many very young pets and people (babies) that pass away from health complications that no one could have foreseen or prevented. Sometimes, life just isn't fair. :(
It's such a frustrating, lonesome feeling to not really know "why." I still occasionally drive myself nuts with this, but please don't let it consume you. :hugs:
 
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dianajune

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I had a cat with tummy issues that took Miralax twice daily, for many years. When he passed, he had no fluid build up and his passing had nothing to do with his tummy problems. My Mom had a cat that took Laxatone for many years, and same thing.
I have gone down this road so many times, desperately searching for the "why's" and "how's" of my pets who have passed. It makes me feel like I'm going crazy. I've re-wound all the details of my life that I can remember and wondered "was it that?" or "did this thing that happened have something to do with it?" Then I remember there are many, many very young pets and people (babies) that pass away from health complications that no one could have foreseen or prevented. Sometimes, life just isn't fair. :(
It's such a frustrating, lonesome feeling to not really know "why." I still occasionally drive myself nuts with this, but please don't let it consume you. :hugs:
Pumpkin's MIralax was increased to 1/3 tsp twice daily on March 17th - I checked his medicine log. Oftentimes he refused to take it or oftentimes he'd only take part of it. Many times he left it on his paws and I had a hard time cleaning it off.

There were a couple of times that I added extra Miralax to his dry food to make sure he got enough of the medicine, but I can't remember if this was on days when he refused his medicine outright or only took partial doses.

I was desperately trying to save his life and if I knew his heart was giving out I never would have done this.

One reference I found online was a cat could take one teaspoon twice daily. I never gave him anything close to that. I found an old post here was someone's vet told her to give her cat three teaspoons in day. I can't imagine having to go that high.

I am blaming myself.
 

iPappy

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Pumpkin's MIralax was increased to 1/3 tsp twice daily on March 17th - I checked his medicine log. Oftentimes he refused to take it or oftentimes he'd only take part of it. Many times he left it on his paws and I had a hard time cleaning it off.

There were a couple of times that I added extra Miralax to his dry food to make sure he got enough of the medicine, but I can't remember if this was on days when he refused his medicine outright or only took partial doses.

I was desperately trying to save his life and if I knew his heart was giving out I never would have done this.

One reference I found online was a cat could take one teaspoon twice daily. I never gave him anything close to that. I found an old post here was someone's vet told her to give her cat three teaspoons in day. I can't imagine having to go that high.

I am blaming myself.
I understand. But had you known his heart was giving out, what would have been left to do but try to make him as happy as possible for as long as you could?
My little soul dog developed cancer. It was all on the outside, lymphoma of the skin. He developed thick scabs on his body that covered open oozing sores of pus and blood. Keeping those areas clean was a nightmare. I did all I could, realizing that it was in his lymph nodes and was probably all throughout his body. For his last 2 weeks his breathing became more difficult. He began fainting. I held onto the idea that somehow, this would be fixed. His heart became affected. I waited too long, and I cringe with regret when I think about it.
I've read your threads. I know how hard you tried to save this little cat. It's a huge feeling of defeat when nothing works. I completely understand that feeling. But try to think of it this way: If someone else here had done all you did for their cat, would you be blaming them or would you see how much they cared and how hard they worked to save them?
There is no wrong way to grieve. Just remember we are here for you.
 
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dianajune

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I understand. But had you known his heart was giving out, what would have been left to do but try to make him as happy as possible for as long as you could?
My little soul dog developed cancer. It was all on the outside, lymphoma of the skin. He developed thick scabs on his body that covered open oozing sores of pus and blood. Keeping those areas clean was a nightmare. I did all I could, realizing that it was in his lymph nodes and was probably all throughout his body. For his last 2 weeks his breathing became more difficult. He began fainting. I held onto the idea that somehow, this would be fixed. His heart became affected. I waited too long, and I cringe with regret when I think about it.
I've read your threads. I know how hard you tried to save this little cat. It's a huge feeling of defeat when nothing works. I completely understand that feeling. But try to think of it this way: If someone else here had done all you did for their cat, would you be blaming them or would you see how much they cared and how hard they worked to save them?
There is no wrong way to grieve. Just remember we are here for you.
I love him with all of my heart. I know that I must seem to be a basket case right now, blaming myself when I did everything I could to save his life. There were times when I lost patience with Pumpkin when he refused his meds, worrying that he would develop megacolon. I hope he understood that Mommy was only trying to help him. I wasn't trying to be mean about his meds.

I was able to reach his vet about a half hour ago and told her about everything I said here re. the Miralax. She told me there was no way that this could have killed him and that I was doing my best to save him.

I appreciate every single one on this platform who responded to all of the posts I put up during these past 11+ years. I wish that I wasn't such a mess. It feels like I'm being a burden to everyone here. I am in lots of pain right now. I thought I was done crying last night. I was wrong It started up again today when I got up to use the bathroom around 5am and couldn't get back to sleep no matter how hard I tried.

Thank you so much for hearing me out, I didn't understand how hard this loss would be. I knew it was coming for a long time, I just didn't want to admit it,
 
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dianajune

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My pain seems to be getting worse. I can't stop crying. There is no one else I can turn to for help (I'm not referring to here but in person.) I am scared of living alone. Pumpkin is literally all I had for over 11 years and now he is gone.

Please tell me this will get better. Please.
 
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