Introducing A New Cat (and Prob. Making Every Possible Mistake)

[Sharkybu]

Hi. I'm Sharon and I'm new.
I'm trying to introduce a new kitten (Stella) to my cat (Betsy).
It may be a long story, and I hope you bear with me cause I really need the help.
I have had betsy for about 3 years now, since she was about a month old. We use to live with roomates, but for the last two years it's been just us. I work and study a lot ad I felt bad that she's alone all the time, but I never had the time to introduce a new cat.
About 3 weeks ago my boss told me about a kitten that someone abandoned at our work (not Stella), with out given much thoght I decided to take her, but it we couldn't find her (hopefully someone elae took her) we did find Stella.
I brought Stella home (after having a vet check her) and locked her in the bedroom (I slept with Betsy in the living room) for the next few days. I opened the door a few times to let the two cats see each other and when the weekend came I set Stella loose in the apartment. They didn't really get along but they also didn't see to fight too much. After a few more days, i came home to see that Betsy peed on my bed and one of them (I assume Stella) popped under the sofa. But I know i'm home now for a week so I can check on them. When The next day I could smell pee under the sofa so I moved it to clean and I noticed a dried puddle of blood.
I checked both of them and found a few small scratches, not big enough to explain the blood on the floor. The next day I saw Betsy scratching her.
Stella started hiding o top of the chair under the kitchen table. Whe I saw Betsy going there to pick on her I created a small fort eith a box and a sheet on top. I made a two small doors that stella can get out of, but Betsy can't fit through, so she could go to the food and the sand box. I thought that whould give them both their own place and a meeting ground. I was wrong. One evening when Stella tried to use the Box, Betsy jumped her, She got stuck in the sheet and peed on her self. That's when I looked up and saw that this is normal when you introduce cats too fast.
I put food and a sand box in the fort and sealed the doors (I can't lock her in the bedroom again, too long to explain why). I left the sheet off during the day and covered it at night (picture included). Stella can still get out behind the stove next to the table, but betsy can't get in. It seems to work. Stella stays inside all the time, I play with her and take her for walks in the apartment or have her sit on my lap a bit when I work. Betsy strated sitting next to the box peeping at Stella through the handle (as shown in picture). They sometines growl at each other, Betsy attacks the side of the fort sometimes. They both seem to be okay. Yesterday I started bring Stella (in mmy hands) near Betsy and giving them treats to try and associate the exprience as a good thing.
Today was my first day back in work and I was scared, but when I came home after 12 hours, I saw that everything was fine. I left the sheet covring the fort all day and opened it when I came home. Everything was as usual until I heard Stella Jump out of the fort, ad so did Betsy. At first she ran behinf the stove and Betsy went back to the living room (by the way my apartment is small, about 50% of it is the living room, and the kitchen has no door). That's when stell decided to come to the entrance of the kitchen and hide under a few folded chairs. They started sniffing and growling at wach other. I stood next to them with a string toy and treats to try and come them down. Betsy at some point got more interested in the toy and followed me to the bedroom (where my laptoop is, since I wanted to write this massage), after a while she want back to the kitchen (with me behind her) and they started growling at each other and this time I panicked and put Stella back at the fort.
Right now Betsy is with me in the bedroom, sleeping in her basket and Stella playing/ sleeping in her own basket in the fort.

I'm sorry this is so long but I wanted to give the all story.
Am I doing things right, or am I really messing things up?
What else should I do to make this easier on them and help them get along?
Should I still live Stella in the fort whem I'm at work (I work 12 hour days) or should I lock her up in the bedroom and return her to the fort at night (or block the area behind the stove)?

I'm really stressed about it (during the first week I had two minor panic attacks).

Thank you to any one who manages to read through this and answers (and I'm sorry about my english)

 

[Sharkybu]

I forgot to mention that I did eventually find two ealing puncture wounds on Stella's neck that might explain the blood puddle

 

[Sharkybu]

*healing.
Sorry

 

[rubysmama]

Hello and welcome to TCS. Sorry about the cat introductions not going so well.

Is it possible to separate them, by putting the kitten in a different room, and then re-starting the introductions. Some growling/hissing is to be expected, but you don't want attacks that are drawing blood.

Here's some TCS articles on cat introductions that may be helpful:
How To Fix An Unsuccessful Cat Introduction
How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide
Introducing Cats To Cats
The Multi-cat Household
How To Safely Break Up A Cat Fight

 

[danteshuman]

I would try re-introducing the cats. I would also add 2 more things into the mix.

1) I would let one cat have the bedroom & the other cat have the apartment (putting the kitten in a covered crate during the switch off so they don't see each other.) I would let my resident cat sleep with me, since she probably always used to & it will comfort her. Plus kittens are hyper. This way they both get to own the entire apartment but also get used to each other's scent without seeing each other.

2) Play, play & more play. The kitten has to much energy and kittens will hunt adult cats if they look like prey. So I would play with the kitten in the morning & before bed each night. Also I would play with Stella 1 on 1 to build up her confidence.

 

[susanm9006]

It sounds like they are getting along better but if the older bit the younger hard enough to make Stella bleed then I would have concerns about leaving them together in the house unsupervised. While they might be near one another while you are present, if you were gone the kitten could get hurt.

I would leave the kitten in the bedroom or bathroom. How old is this kitten?

 

[Sharkybu]

update:
I did seperate them again. The kitten (which is about 3 month old) is inn the bedroom. I sleep in the living room with the cat.
How do you deal with the cats crying when you are in the other room? It's heart breaking when I hear my cat crying when I go to the bedroom to play with kitty.
(adorable images attached)

 

[KarenKat]

Hi Sharkybu and welcome to The Cat Site! sounds like you've had some good advice about keeping them separated during the day. We just introduced a third cat into our house and it can take a bit of time for them to get used to each other. It sometimes is a marathon, so take a deep breath and relax. If you are relaxed, Stella and Betsy will be too (beautiful kitties, by the way!). I understand it is hard to be relaxed if you think there may be a fight or chase, but usually it's more noise than them hurting each other.

I definitely second the idea to play as much as you can with the kitten and with Betsy - and pick times for them to interact when they are tired, sleepy or sun-drunk.

As for how to deal with the crying of the lonely kitties, it's very hard for all of us! Our brains are hardwired to respond to "babies" which is why a crying kitten is very stressful. Try and ignore it if you can, knowing the cat is absolutely fine and just being needy. Provide lots of toys, cat trees, and maybe get a puzzle feeder so the lonely cat can be distracted during visits. Keep telling yourself that you are allowed to say no - the kitty is not in pain, just needy. Give yourself permission to ignore it.

Hopefully things are going well, feel free to ask questions and share as many pictures as you want! Good luck!

 

[Sharkybu]

thank you everryone for the advice. they have been seperated for two weeks now and the few interactions they had (they managed to sneak in/out twice, and i tried reintrducing them once) did not go well. My dad installed a net door to the bedroom, so now they can see each other but still be in a safe space. they watch each other, the cat tried to jump on the kitten through the net. they growl at each other. it seems to work. next step will be trying to fully interduce them again.

 

[MoeFridaPearl]

We are currently 9 weeks into the introduction process. Introducing a stray into our 2 cat household. We are going really slow, and have also had a few setbacks. I highly recommend reading Jackson Galaxy’s newest book. It gives lots of great insight into being a cat parent and introductions. Our cats can eat around each other, and spend short bits of time (a few mins) hanging out all together. But we still have a long way to go. I would suggest lots of site swapping, meaning switching the rooms you keep each cat in. That has really seemed to take down the tension in our house. Everyone seems to be getting used to sharing litter boxes, food dishes and each other’s scent without the other cats being present.

 

[Jem]

Have you been feeding them on opposite sides of the see thru door? That is another way to create good feelings with each other, as they smell and see each other while eating.
You could also try and put feliway dffusers around the house. They emit "good feeling" pheromones that can help to keep them calm.

 

[Sharkybu]

I tried feeding them on both sides of the door tonight. after a minute the cat jumped on the screen again trying to catch the kitten. but the both finished eating, so I count that a win.

 

[Sharkybu]

confusion time:
I'm terrified I made a mistake, and that they will never get along. I had a few times the thought that things will be easier if something happened to Stella (the kitten). I will NEVER hurt her. I can even imagine trying to find her a different home, that is why I'm so scared about this. I know the moment I brought her home she's here to stay. Even though I feel i stole something from my cat, who seems more angry and upset lately. I had a few panic attacks because of it.
But this is a given state now, I have two cats and I need to find a way for them to get along.
I'm starting to cry again as I'm writing this. Betsy (the cat) is everything to me. And I'm beginning to fall inlove with Stella. It hurts me to hear stella hiss and see her lean into the ground when ever Betsy comes near, and scares me seeing Betsy trying to get through the net to her. (Also currently Betsy is sleeping sweetly next to me while Stella is eating).
Is there a chance this will not work?. I know there is a chance they will ever be friends, but will only co-exist. I'm afraid that Betsy will kill Stella.
For now I'm leaving them separated by the net door when I'm home and completely separated when I'm at work.
Tonight for the first time since I moved Stella back to the bedroom, I'm going to sleep with her and not in the living room with Betsy. I'm nervous of how Betsy will react.
Hope it will go well.

Thank you again to everyone who responds.

 

[MoeFridaPearl]

Don’t feel defeated! I know exactly how you are feeling. We are still working on our introductions 9 weeks later. I only let my cats see each other at feeding times and play sessions. As cat parents we are trying to create positive associations for the cats. So basically when they see each other good things happen, not scary or aggressive. I have shed so many tears, made lots of mistakes and even been scratched really badly. We just had a play session between new cat (pearl) and one resident (Frida.) It went so well! then we had a bit of a tense moment a few seconds later when I let pearl back into her base camp and forgot the other door to her room was still open ‍ Other resident cat (Moe) wondered in and was swiped and hissed at by Pearl and he yowled and screamed and then I was able to get the door shut. I felt defeated for a few minutes but then I reminded myself that we will get there. We have made so much progress, it’s just all going so much slower than I ever expected. Some days I get it in my head that this will be the day they all just decide to get along, but that’s just not the case yet. It’s really hard to have your house divided, I am struggling with that. I just want to open it up and have it all work out. But I also want to do right by my cats and make sure they are safe and forming a healthy bond. Hang in there ok? And know you aren’t alone.

 

[Sharkybu]

Thank you. That is exactly what I'm feeling. (Just spent 20 minutes on the phone with my dad crying)
I caved after 15 minutes in which Betsy started crying 3 times. She cried another 2 times when i went back into the room to take my pillows and stuff.
Than I had a massive scare. I went outside to yell at my neighbor who was making noise (it's midnight here) and when I came back Betsy tried (for the second time this week) to escape and this time she managed to get to the building staircase.
The stairs scared her, so I managed to grab her.
She's fine, I'm not.

 

[Sharkybu]

I have to share...
I opened the gate for Stella today to walk around the apartment, there was a bit of growling. But this happened... (see pics)
They have both been on the bed for over an hour...
I'm so happy....

 

[susanm9006]

The calico seems very interested in getting some,play going with the little one. Her lying on the floor and looking over at the other cat is cat language for “come and get me!”

 

[Sharkybu]

Betsy (the big cat) has been showing signs of playfulness today but every time she comes close to Stella, Stella starts growling. And... I just had a fight... I can't tell if Betsy was chasing Stella to play or fight, but Stella went straight to fight mood (her ears disappeared) and it definitely turned into a fight. But today was still a huge progress.

 

[rubysmama]

Sounds like you/they are making progress. Here's hoping for less growling and more purring.

 

[Sharkybu]

and things got bad again...
Took Stella to the vet to get sterilized (is that the right word?), but he heard something in her lungs and gave her antibiotics. When we came back Betsy hissed at her very angrily (she continued walking around the house hissing). Later that day the both set with me on the couch. At night I decided to keep them un-separated and when I woke up they were fighting- Betsy was chasing Stella and again she wouldn't let Stella get to the Sand box.
So I put Stella back in the room behind the net-door and now every time i try to open it- Betsy rushes into the room and attacks Stella.

So Stella is locked in the room most of the time and they fight through the net.
Plus she's sorta alone all the time. I work in the kitchen or watch TV or work on my papers- all this things mean I'm in the rest of the house with Betsy and Stella is alone in the bedroom. She can see us through the net and I try to go in there every now and then to play with her. But most of the time I'm not there. Am I being bad to her?
Even when I did manage to get her to walk around the house a bit, she wouldn't come to the living room, just the kitchen and sleep there.

I feel like I'm nagging, but I don't have anyone in my life that needed more then two weeks to get his cats to co-exist and I keep feeling like I'm screwing up.