Introducing A New Cat (and Prob. Making Every Possible Mistake)

MoeFridaPearl

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You gotta let go of the whole I don’t know anyone who took this long to introduce two cats. When I start to do that it makes me feel terrible. So let that go. Also I think you should try two things. Hang a blanket up on the netted door for now so sight is limited. This will reduce stress that has accumulated with all this fighting. Also I think you need to really get into the habit of site swapping through out the day. Switch which kitty is in which room. They both need to feel comfortable with the space before they can begin to trust each other. As far as the limited site thing, I think you need to slowly raise the blanket up every day. But maybe for the next couple days don’t let them see each other at all. They have to forget the stressful times they have had together and need to start having limited positive moments so they can start to build some trust. Don’t hesitate to keep posting. All the advice you can get right now will help. Most of all you hang in there and remain calm. You are the provider for them and they feed off the energy you put out. So if you are stressed, sad or mad they will pick up on it and it really plays into their behavior. Someone told me this on the forum the other day and they couldn’t have been more right.
 

KarenKat

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So glad that things started going better on Sunday! I wouldn't stress too much about the after-vet fights. Our resident kitties that have been friends for 8+ years hiss and fight when one goes to the vet. This is very normal, because the cat smells different and for a little bit the other kitty doesn't know if it even is the same cat coming back.

And I second trying not to compare this with other integrations. When I was in the middle of mine (and we are still getting better every day even after 10 months ...) I would be soooo jealous of those quick intros. These are your kitties for life, and it will take time for them to individually bond, or at least be in the same room. You will get there, and it will mean so much more when you see them get along since you understood what it took to get them there!
 
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Sharkybu

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We are not good yet, but we are having a good afternoon and I had to share.
Betsy tried playing with Stella's tail, but Stella started hissing so Betsy just went back to the bottom of the sofa.
 

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rubysmama

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They're both on the sofa. And sleeping. That has to be a good sign. :catlove:
 
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Sharkybu

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We made the biggest progress today, even though there was a bit of fighting before and after, there were about 2 hours that they were both awake in the same room. Stella was plating under and near the computer table while I was working and Betsy just sat and Stared at her and even came to sniff her a few times. I'm expecting a setback tomorrow as Stella is going back to the vat.
 

rubysmama

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Here's a suggestion. Why not take both cats to the vet, but of course no one will even look at Betsy. But that way, they'll both come home smelling the same, strange scent. This is what one of our members does, as they believe it helps prevent non-recognition aggression after vet visits.
 
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Sharkybu

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Thank you for the idea but it wont work in my case. I don't have a second carrier yet. Plus, taking Betsy to the vet is a nightmare and will make things worse. She just sees the carrier and she starts fighting me, she cries the all way over and back, and afterward she hides under the sofa for hours. I rather not do that to her if I don't have to. Next year I'll take them both to get the annual shots together.
 
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Sharkybu

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i'm exhausted. If I leave them alone for a few minutes they fight, but the kitten is annoyed with being locked in the room. I haven't slept in my bed in a month, my back hurts so much. and i keep getting reminded by people (mostly my parents) what a mistake i did. I love them but i'm scared that the little one will get hurt. It seems like the big one is more interstead (she tries to sniff the little one) but it ends with her smacking the little one.
(now there both sleeping in the living room)
I'm just so tired....
 

8kitties

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i'm exhausted. If I leave them alone for a few minutes they fight, but the kitten is annoyed with being locked in the room. I haven't slept in my bed in a month, my back hurts so much. and i keep getting reminded by people (mostly my parents) what a mistake i did. I love them but i'm scared that the little one will get hurt. It seems like the big one is more interstead (she tries to sniff the little one) but it ends with her smacking the little one.
(now there both sleeping in the living room)
I'm just so tired....
Just a random idea, try sprinkling catnip on their heads :D

Or rub a blanket on the big one and then rub the same blanket on the little one, try switching their bedding, etc.

Are they both "fixed" (sterilized)?
 

KarenKat

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So sorry this is stressful! Personally I think you should take some time cat-free for yourself. Go out and see a movie or go do something you find enjoyable that has nothing to do with kitties. I've been there, morosely staring at my cat wondering if the stress will ever end or if I will be this anxious forever. It does end, and one day you will look back at this and marvel at how much has changed. Take a deep breath, drink some hot chocolate (or something stronger) and give yourself a break.

I wonder if you could start sleeping in your bed again. If the kitten gets too whiny and cries, use earplugs. The kitten will be absolutely fine, but you need a little rest and relaxation.

As for the the kitten being hurt, when she gets smacked are there claws or teeth involved? Our 14.7 lb cat smacks our 10 lb cat around a lot (the thuds are quite audible) and you'd be surprised how durable they are! If there are claws involved, there is a change for a scratch so it's good to keep an eye on them. Keep in mind it has been a little over a month - cat integrations often take quite a few months to settle in.
 
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Sharkybu

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I let them play with catnip filled toys, but not all the time. I'll try sprinkling them. When I let them out they go into each others litter boxes, beds, food and water plates, they played with the same toy. The kitten even started using the scratching board the cat uses. The both sit/play/sleep on the bed and coach (a few times they both slept on the coach or bed).
They half play, half fight through the net door.
Besty is fixed, Stella got fixed a week and a half ago.

I feel like for every good day we have (positive interaction) we have three bad days.
 

KarenKat

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I feel like for every good day we have (positive interaction) we have three bad days.
I felt just like this too around the 1 month mark. I look at it as when you first started were there really any good days? A few bad interactions is not really backward progress, it just means they aren't quite there yet. And trust me, I understand how exhausting it is! Making sure everyone is playing, that both are getting equal cuddle time and all the worrying really tired me out!

Them sitting or sleeping near each other is great progress! But keep in mind that there are two very territorial animals that were thrown into the same space together ... it will take a little while for them to trust each other and understand boundaries.
 
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Sharkybu

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So sorry this is stressful! Personally I think you should take some time cat-free for yourself. Go out and see a movie or go do something you find enjoyable that has nothing to do with kitties. I've been there, morosely staring at my cat wondering if the stress will ever end or if I will be this anxious forever. It does end, and one day you will look back at this and marvel at how much has changed. Take a deep breath, drink some hot chocolate (or something stronger) and give yourself a break.

I wonder if you could start sleeping in your bed again. If the kitten gets too whiny and cries, use earplugs. The kitten will be absolutely fine, but you need a little rest and relaxation.

As for the the kitten being hurt, when she gets smacked are there claws or teeth involved? Our 14.7 lb cat smacks our 10 lb cat around a lot (the thuds are quite audible) and you'd be surprised how durable they are! If there are claws involved, there is a change for a scratch so it's good to keep an eye on them. Keep in mind it has been a little over a month - cat integrations often take quite a few months to settle in.

Just had a beer and some chocolate.
there not the only stress-cause in my life (as is the situation for all people). It just that I have the fear of one them getting hurt or that I am making the cat hate my for forcing a kitten on her.

I did see claws a few times, the kitten has scratches on her and two deeper wounds on her neck (both already healed). I left them alone un-seperated too soon and came home to find a blood puddle (that was the first neck wound).


I think I may be adding to the their stress.
 

KarenKat

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Good, beer definitely helps my own stress lol.

We had some wounds too because we opened the door at night too soon. A scratch or two, an abscess and a torn claw that lead to a nice blood puddle. They heal quick, though. Betsy may be a little grumpy with the new kitten at first, but she doesn't hate you. If anything she is wondering why you are so daft that you don't see the intruder and kick her out. In time she will adapt and may even welcome the friendship.
 
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Sharkybu

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I felt just like this too around the 1 month mark. I look at it as when you first started were there really any good days? A few bad interactions is not really backward progress, it just means they aren't quite there yet. And trust me, I understand how exhausting it is! Making sure everyone is playing, that both are getting equal cuddle time and all the worrying really tired me out!

Them sitting or sleeping near each other is great progress! But keep in mind that there are two very territorial animals that were thrown into the same space together ... it will take a little while for them to trust each other and understand boundaries.

All you're saying make sense (and I know that), I'm just tired.
Thank you.
(added, for fun, a picture of them staring at me trying to sleep)
 

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doomsdave

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Sharkybu Sharkybu

Good on you for taking in and fixing Stella! And good on you for loving Betsy. And trying to be a good mommy to both.

I can’t really offer any new suggestions any better than the ones already given.

But I’m in a similar situation; I just adopted a new kitten and already have 5 other cats. It’s been about three weeks and the other cats are getting to know the new one.

The problem appears to be between Conan the Destroyer (the kitten) and Der Baron von Komfy (top picture), a much older neutered tom cat.

F77CCD78-6C96-4BD3-A620-2C07347711F3.jpeg
67BC60F3-F126-4841-BE6E-ED7E8CD01ADD.jpeg
 

doomsdave

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The Baron still has his patriarchal attitude, and I think the fact that he and the new kitten are both males makes it worse. The Baron showed his displeasure at my 2016 adoption of Big Boy (below) by peeing all over the place. (My cup runneth over . . . . :help:)

But, over time, BB and the Baron did learn to get along. They're not buds, far from it, but they suffer each other with grace. That's the good news; the less good news is that it took a while, months. But the process was gradual, and the worst symptoms stopped pretty quickly.

And, my experience (don't castrate me if I'm wrong) is that female cats don't get quite as psycho-territorial as the males do.

439B67E3-7F03-4E99-9F1E-DD2FA25F53CD.jpeg
 
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Sharkybu

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Sharkybu Sharkybu

Good on you for taking in and fixing Stella! And good on you for loving Betsy. And trying to be a good mommy to both.

I can’t really offer any new suggestions any better than the ones already given.

But I’m in a similar situation; I just adopted a new kitten and already have 5 other cats. It’s been about three weeks and the other cats are getting to know the new one.

The problem appears to be between Conan the Destroyer (the kitten) and Der Baron von Komfy (top picture), a much older neutered tom cat.

View attachment 256418 View attachment 256419
The ginger is a kitten? he looks huge.

When I got Betsy I had an issue with getting a cat fixed, but I saw how much she was crying and seemed to be suffering during a heat. Plus when I took her to get fixed the vet found a tumor, so it even saved her life. With Stella I didn't even hesitate.

Hope that Conan and Der Baron (great names) will get along quickly.
 
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Sharkybu

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The Baron still has his patriarchal attitude, and I think the fact that he and the new kitten are both males makes it worse. The Baron showed his displeasure at my 2016 adoption of Big Boy (below) by peeing all over the place. (My cup runneth over . . . . :help:)

But, over time, BB and the Baron did learn to get along. They're not buds, far from it, but they suffer each other with grace. That's the good news; the less good news is that it took a while, months. But the process was gradual, and the worst symptoms stopped pretty quickly.

And, my experience (don't castrate me if I'm wrong) is that female cats don't get quite as psycho-territorial as the males do.
Okay, so the ginger is not a kitten but a big boy (:D).

There is one thing that I find super funny about Stella (the kitten). She'll walk from the bedroom to the kitchen and from the sofa to the computer table. but she won't go in the center of the living room (unless she's running back to the bedroom). I bring her to the sofa, I never saw her getting there on her own.
 
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