I Need Advice On Wanting My Cat Back!

[rubysmama]

I'm really sorry the way things have turned out. And I still can't believe your co-worker really has refused to let you have Cici back. Unless she has a change of heart, I don't know what more you can do.

 

[Jayess94]

I'm really sorry the way things have turned out. And I still can't believe your co-worker really has refused to let you have Cici back. Unless she has a change of heart, I don't know what more you can do.

Thank you i will see how the wellness check goes and if she says anything to me about that. It may prove to her that i was indeed serious about this. I went to the shelter and talked to them in person and they were very nice and said that if animal control will not/can not retrieve it that i could file a small claims suit and most likely win as my name is on everything. We shall see.

 

[maggiedemi]

Who is going to do the wellness check? That's wonderful that the shelter was so nice about it. I was afraid they would get mad and take the cat back and not let you have it.

 

[Jayess94]

Who is going to do the wellness check? That's wonderful that the shelter was so nice about it. I was afraid they would get mad and take the cat back and not let you have it.

Animal control is doing the wellness check. Yes they were understanding. I hope this pushes her to realize I'm serious but I think it will just make her more mad and dig her heels in further. If it goes to small claims I may or may not win but I may try. Maybe the idea of showing up for court will make her throw her hands up and just relent. Maybe not.

 

[kashmir64]

I just read this. Don't give up just yet. You left out the middleman. Call the shelter again. Explain the situation. They need to be the ones to call AC, not you. If the shelter calls AC and tells them to get the cat, then they will. The shelter does not have the authority to remove an animal, that's why they work directly with AC.
I wish you luck with this and hope you get her back.

 

[Jayess94]

I just read this. Don't give up just yet. You left out the middleman. Call the shelter again. Explain the situation. They need to be the ones to call AC, not you. If the shelter calls AC and tells them to get the cat, then they will. The shelter does not have the authority to remove an animal, that's why they work directly with AC.
I wish you luck with this and hope you get her back.

Thank you, animal control said that it wouldn’t matter who called they cannot even enter the property if the homeowner denied them entry. They said they are not legally able to see the animal if the person wont let them. Which is incredulous to me since it’s an animal registered with another individual as its' owner.

 

[Jayess94]

I am getting a lot of mixed messages online too about what my chances are with a suit. I do have many forms of ownership proof, and ownership is 9/10 of the law... but then again what I'm reading says animals in my state are considered "property" and if you give it away it may be considered a "gift" and you would relinquish all rights to it. I would have to make it clear that the circumstances were misunderstood and that the transfer was contingent on certain things that did not happen the way I thought they should, by someone else watching her kids and by her removing protective clothing recommended by the vet, by our verbal agreement that if either party felt it wasn't working out I would want her back, etc. I am going to try to get a consultation from an attorney tomorrow if I'm able to to see what kind of probability I have here before proceeding.

 

[Norachan]

I hope your attorney can suggest a good course of action for you. The fact that she mislead you about the circumstances the cat would be kept under and ignored vet advice must count for something.

 

[WonderY]

Jay, you sound so determined now. I'm so sorry that the shelter and AC are of no real help. I was thinking, and perhaps a wacky thought but since this is being considered a civil matter what about discussing the option of contacting your local police and seeking guidance. Perhaps run this past with your attorney friend? Police can enter a home..before all the court papers start flying? You have a lovely heart...world needs more of that.

 

[Jayess94]

Jay, you sound so determined now. I'm so sorry that the shelter and AC are of no real help. I was thinking, and perhaps a wacky thought but since this is being considered a civil matter what about discussing the option of contacting your local police and seeking guidance. Perhaps run this past with your attorney friend? Police can enter a home..before all the court papers start flying? You have a lovely heart...world needs more of that.

Thank you, i will try calling pd to ask. I would rather not do anything court related if i don’t have to.

 

[EmmiTemmi]

Unpopular opinion:

Yeah, like you said previously, you do seem like the bad guy here. This cat has gone from wherever she was before the shelter, to the shelter, to your home for a couple months, to the mom’s home, where she’s been for a couple weeks, and now you want to bring her back to your house with your cat who bullies her.

When the mom said that she had hid and vomited the first week she was in the new home, that seems moderately expected for a timid cat in a new situation (especially a noisier one than she’s used to). My own cat, first cat I ever had, hid a little and vomited several times within the first week of owning him, but he’s really come out of his shell now and is so confident in my apartment and I’d be seriously ticked off if someone insinuated I mistreated him, or that I’m not right for him. Moving and new situations are stressful for cats. And the mom has said in subsequent texts that the cat is doing much better, and even sleeping in a boy’s bed, and they're playing nicely with her. That seems like great progress.

I know you said you were worried about how rambunctious the kids were, but honestly, when you saw them in person at your house, they were super excited about getting a cat! They had a reason to be high energy. And yes, high energy all focused on the cat can be terrifying for it. But soon enough the initial excitement of the new cat will diminish, leaving hopefully just plain family love for it and less energy directed entirely at the cat. If you’re super concerned about their energy, you could remind their mother to tell them to leave the cat alone if she runs or hides, and that if she’s hiding in a ‘safe zone’ she’s off limits. I do this with my own 9 year old cousin who used to chase my cat around my apartment when I wasn’t looking, and even try to get under the couch if my cat was hiding under there. As soon as I saw what he was doing I put limits on where he could go. If my cat is under the couch, you don’t even lift up the couch skirt, that’s the cat’s safe place. If the cat goes into the back bathroom, you don’t follow, that’s the other safe space. Kindly remind the boys’ mother that she could implement spaces like this to reduce the stress of the cat.

As far as breaking your contract goes, honestly the shelter doesn’t seem like they care a whole ton. Yeah, you might get some legal help because the cat was bought by you, but like you said, you gave her away. That shows a certain amount of irresponsibility and won’t really help your case too much.

You’re stressing yourself out worrying over the cat, who by reports from the mom seems to be doing fine now and settling in. And you’re causing undue stress in the cat’s new family by continually threatening that you’re going to take their new family member away. Maybe if you hadn’t burned your bridges with her, she would be more willing now to at least let you come visit the cat to see how she’s doing, or take advice from you on how to handle her and make her comfortable. Not really an option anymore, from how I see it.

IMO, leave the cat where she is. Apologize to the mom, say you were just worried for the cat’s well-being. Build your relationship back up. That way, you might be more informed of how everything is going at the house with the cat. And if they ever do want to get rid of the cat for scratching at their furniture or because they don't want to handle medical issues, you’ll be in friendly contact with the family and might have a better chance of having the cat returned to you.

I know my opinion on this is unpopular, but since we only have your side of the story, I feel like at least someone needs to give the mom the benefit of the doubt. If the wellness check or whatever shows the cat is in terrible conditions or seriously sick, then I completely apologize for sounding so mean here and praise you for going to the lengths you’ve gone to so far.

Whatever happens, I just hope the cat is happy and safe, whether that be with you or her new family.
Again, sorry for my opinion. I know there are some flaws in it, but I just want to make sure you can vaguely see the other side of the argument.

TLDR: Maybe the cat is fine where she is.

 

[Jayess94]

Unpopular opinion:

Yeah, like you said previously, you do seem like the bad guy here. This cat has gone from wherever she was before the shelter, to the shelter, to your home for a couple months, to the mom’s home, where she’s been for a couple weeks, and now you want to bring her back to your house with your cat who bullies her.

When the mom said that she had hid and vomited the first week she was in the new home, that seems moderately expected for a timid cat in a new situation (especially a noisier one than she’s used to). My own cat, first cat I ever had, hid a little and vomited several times within the first week of owning him, but he’s really come out of his shell now and is so confident in my apartment and I’d be seriously ticked off if someone insinuated I mistreated him, or that I’m not right for him. Moving and new situations are stressful for cats. And the mom has said in subsequent texts that the cat is doing much better, and even sleeping in a boy’s bed, and they're playing nicely with her. That seems like great progress.

I know you said you were worried about how rambunctious the kids were, but honestly, when you saw them in person at your house, they were super excited about getting a cat! They had a reason to be high energy. And yes, high energy all focused on the cat can be terrifying for it. But soon enough the initial excitement of the new cat will diminish, leaving hopefully just plain family love for it and less energy directed entirely at the cat. If you’re super concerned about their energy, you could remind their mother to tell them to leave the cat alone if she runs or hides, and that if she’s hiding in a ‘safe zone’ she’s off limits. I do this with my own 9 year old cousin who used to chase my cat around my apartment when I wasn’t looking, and even try to get under the couch if my cat was hiding under there. As soon as I saw what he was doing I put limits on where he could go. If my cat is under the couch, you don’t even lift up the couch skirt, that’s the cat’s safe place. If the cat goes into the back bathroom, you don’t follow, that’s the other safe space. Kindly remind the boys’ mother that she could implement spaces like this to reduce the stress of the cat.

As far as breaking your contract goes, honestly the shelter doesn’t seem like they care a whole ton. Yeah, you might get some legal help because the cat was bought by you, but like you said, you gave her away. That shows a certain amount of irresponsibility and won’t really help your case too much.

You’re stressing yourself out worrying over the cat, who by reports from the mom seems to be doing fine now and settling in. And you’re causing undue stress in the cat’s new family by continually threatening that you’re going to take their new family member away. Maybe if you hadn’t burned your bridges with her, she would be more willing now to at least let you come visit the cat to see how she’s doing, or take advice from you on how to handle her and make her comfortable. Not really an option anymore, from how I see it.

IMO, leave the cat where she is. Apologize to the mom, say you were just worried for the cat’s well-being. Build your relationship back up. That way, you might be more informed of how everything is going at the house with the cat. And if they ever do want to get rid of the cat for scratching at their furniture or because they don't want to handle medical issues, you’ll be in friendly contact with the family and might have a better chance of having the cat returned to you.

I know my opinion on this is unpopular, but since we only have your side of the story, I feel like at least someone needs to give the mom the benefit of the doubt. If the wellness check or whatever shows the cat is in terrible conditions or seriously sick, then I completely apologize for sounding so mean here and praise you for going to the lengths you’ve gone to so far.

Whatever happens, I just hope the cat is happy and safe, whether that be with you or her new family.
Again, sorry for my opinion. I know there are some flaws in it, but I just want to make sure you can vaguely see the other side of the argument.

TLDR: Maybe the cat is fine where she is.

That is fine, you’re not mean and you’re entitled to your opinion.

 

[Jayess94]

Unpopular opinion:

Yeah, like you said previously, you do seem like the bad guy here. This cat has gone from wherever she was before the shelter, to the shelter, to your home for a couple months, to the mom’s home, where she’s been for a couple weeks, and now you want to bring her back to your house with your cat who bullies her.

When the mom said that she had hid and vomited the first week she was in the new home, that seems moderately expected for a timid cat in a new situation (especially a noisier one than she’s used to). My own cat, first cat I ever had, hid a little and vomited several times within the first week of owning him, but he’s really come out of his shell now and is so confident in my apartment and I’d be seriously ticked off if someone insinuated I mistreated him, or that I’m not right for him. Moving and new situations are stressful for cats. And the mom has said in subsequent texts that the cat is doing much better, and even sleeping in a boy’s bed, and they're playing nicely with her. That seems like great progress.

I know you said you were worried about how rambunctious the kids were, but honestly, when you saw them in person at your house, they were super excited about getting a cat! They had a reason to be high energy. And yes, high energy all focused on the cat can be terrifying for it. But soon enough the initial excitement of the new cat will diminish, leaving hopefully just plain family love for it and less energy directed entirely at the cat. If you’re super concerned about their energy, you could remind their mother to tell them to leave the cat alone if she runs or hides, and that if she’s hiding in a ‘safe zone’ she’s off limits. I do this with my own 9 year old cousin who used to chase my cat around my apartment when I wasn’t looking, and even try to get under the couch if my cat was hiding under there. As soon as I saw what he was doing I put limits on where he could go. If my cat is under the couch, you don’t even lift up the couch skirt, that’s the cat’s safe place. If the cat goes into the back bathroom, you don’t follow, that’s the other safe space. Kindly remind the boys’ mother that she could implement spaces like this to reduce the stress of the cat.

As far as breaking your contract goes, honestly the shelter doesn’t seem like they care a whole ton. Yeah, you might get some legal help because the cat was bought by you, but like you said, you gave her away. That shows a certain amount of irresponsibility and won’t really help your case too much.

You’re stressing yourself out worrying over the cat, who by reports from the mom seems to be doing fine now and settling in. And you’re causing undue stress in the cat’s new family by continually threatening that you’re going to take their new family member away. Maybe if you hadn’t burned your bridges with her, she would be more willing now to at least let you come visit the cat to see how she’s doing, or take advice from you on how to handle her and make her comfortable. Not really an option anymore, from how I see it.

IMO, leave the cat where she is. Apologize to the mom, say you were just worried for the cat’s well-being. Build your relationship back up. That way, you might be more informed of how everything is going at the house with the cat. And if they ever do want to get rid of the cat for scratching at their furniture or because they don't want to handle medical issues, you’ll be in friendly contact with the family and might have a better chance of having the cat returned to you.

I know my opinion on this is unpopular, but since we only have your side of the story, I feel like at least someone needs to give the mom the benefit of the doubt. If the wellness check or whatever shows the cat is in terrible conditions or seriously sick, then I completely apologize for sounding so mean here and praise you for going to the lengths you’ve gone to so far.

Whatever happens, I just hope the cat is happy and safe, whether that be with you or her new family.
Again, sorry for my opinion. I know there are some flaws in it, but I just want to make sure you can vaguely see the other side of the argument.

TLDR: Maybe the cat is fine where she is.

I do have to say though, i don’t think it makes me a Bad person for making a mistake and admitting to it. I have never had two cats before and did not give it enough time. When i spoke to my vet about it she told me there were a lot of things i could try, like feliway, Prozac, and much more time would be needed. If i would have done that then and taken more time i don’t think my cat would bullied her forever. I admit it was a poor decision on my part but i don’t think I’m irresponsible for trying to do what i thought was best for the cat, realizing it wasn’t, and then trying to correct my mistake. I think there is something to be said for someone who clearly cares and has asked with such heart from someone who was supposed to be a friend to me. And as i said before, she is not the one who watches the toddler during the day, it is another family member that i have never met and i have no idea if they will try the things you said above. I felt in my gut it was the right thing to do to try to acquire the cat back. It is not such a casual situation as if i were to say ehh i don’t want this cat, let me give it to you, and then simply because i feel like i want it back today, ask for it back.

 

[Jayess94]

anyway I have exhausted all options, tried calling sheriff's dept. animal control and shelter. I even sent her a text that says this: At this point I have tried everything, I have asked you politely as a friend, I have begged you, I have offered money. I am sad that you do not have It in your heart to return my cat. I thought that when we agreed at my house about it if it was not working out I would want her back, you would realize that would include it not working out on my end too. As this point I'll file a civil claims suit if we cannot come to an agreement. This is not to threaten you but inform you of where I'm at.

and all she wrote back was "ok".

I then said "I love how you are so nonchalant about this. I was wrong about you. I'm very disappointed and sad. Have a good rest of your week, goodbye Sara."

So at this point folks I'm done here. As much as I want to fight her for it further all it does is exist to drag out the situation where we can not come to any agreement. In court I may win her but I may lose her. I will just leave it, cry my eyes out, and hopefully move on. All I can say is I hope she treats Cici as I would...

Thank you everyone who has been kind enough for your encouragement. Even those of which who had an opinion I may not want to hear. You count too.

 

[WonderY]

Unpopular opinion:

Yeah, like you said previously, you do seem like the bad guy here. This cat has gone from wherever she was before the shelter, to the shelter, to your home for a couple months, to the mom’s home, where she’s been for a couple weeks, and now you want to bring her back to your house with your cat who bullies her.

When the mom said that she had hid and vomited the first week she was in the new home, that seems moderately expected for a timid cat in a new situation (especially a noisier one than she’s used to). My own cat, first cat I ever had, hid a little and vomited several times within the first week of owning him, but he’s really come out of his shell now and is so confident in my apartment and I’d be seriously ticked off if someone insinuated I mistreated him, or that I’m not right for him. Moving and new situations are stressful for cats. And the mom has said in subsequent texts that the cat is doing much better, and even sleeping in a boy’s bed, and they're playing nicely with her. That seems like great progress.

I know you said you were worried about how rambunctious the kids were, but honestly, when you saw them in person at your house, they were super excited about getting a cat! They had a reason to be high energy. And yes, high energy all focused on the cat can be terrifying for it. But soon enough the initial excitement of the new cat will diminish, leaving hopefully just plain family love for it and less energy directed entirely at the cat. If you’re super concerned about their energy, you could remind their mother to tell them to leave the cat alone if she runs or hides, and that if she’s hiding in a ‘safe zone’ she’s off limits. I do this with my own 9 year old cousin who used to chase my cat around my apartment when I wasn’t looking, and even try to get under the couch if my cat was hiding under there. As soon as I saw what he was doing I put limits on where he could go. If my cat is under the couch, you don’t even lift up the couch skirt, that’s the cat’s safe place. If the cat goes into the back bathroom, you don’t follow, that’s the other safe space. Kindly remind the boys’ mother that she could implement spaces like this to reduce the stress of the cat.

As far as breaking your contract goes, honestly the shelter doesn’t seem like they care a whole ton. Yeah, you might get some legal help because the cat was bought by you, but like you said, you gave her away. That shows a certain amount of irresponsibility and won’t really help your case too much.

You’re stressing yourself out worrying over the cat, who by reports from the mom seems to be doing fine now and settling in. And you’re causing undue stress in the cat’s new family by continually threatening that you’re going to take their new family member away. Maybe if you hadn’t burned your bridges with her, she would be more willing now to at least let you come visit the cat to see how she’s doing, or take advice from you on how to handle her and make her comfortable. Not really an option anymore, from how I see it.

IMO, leave the cat where she is. Apologize to the mom, say you were just worried for the cat’s well-being. Build your relationship back up. That way, you might be more informed of how everything is going at the house with the cat. And if they ever do want to get rid of the cat for scratching at their furniture or because they don't want to handle medical issues, you’ll be in friendly contact with the family and might have a better chance of having the cat returned to you.

I know my opinion on this is unpopular, but since we only have your side of the story, I feel like at least someone needs to give the mom the benefit of the doubt. If the wellness check or whatever shows the cat is in terrible conditions or seriously sick, then I completely apologize for sounding so mean here and praise you for going to the lengths you’ve gone to so far.

Whatever happens, I just hope the cat is happy and safe, whether that be with you or her new family.
Again, sorry for my opinion. I know there are some flaws in it, but I just want to make sure you can vaguely see the other side of the argument.

TLDR: Maybe the cat is fine where she is.

You are right in some of the things you write and in some, there is a lack of humanness. I found myself caught in agreeing and disagreeing, although you touched on points that many of us have already thought, however perhaps, maybe you forgot that people are not perfect and we learn, sometimes painfully through our mistakes. Sometimes, it's just not necessary to put salt in a wound to make a point. I do believe your heart was in the right place...I hope.

 

[WonderY]

anyway I have exhausted all options, tried calling sheriff's dept. animal control and shelter. I even sent her a text that says this: At this point I have tried everything, I have asked you politely as a friend, I have begged you, I have offered money. I am sad that you do not have It in your heart to return my cat. I thought that when we agreed at my house about it if it was not working out I would want her back, you would realize that would include it not working out on my end too. As this point I'll file a civil claims suit if we cannot come to an agreement. This is not to threaten you but inform you of where I'm at.

and all she wrote back was "ok".

I then said "I love how you are so nonchalant about this. I was wrong about you. I'm very disappointed and sad. Have a good rest of your week, goodbye Sara."

So at this point folks I'm done here. As much as I want to fight her for it further all it does is exist to drag out the situation where we can not come to any agreement. In court I may win her but I may lose her. I will just leave it, cry my eyes out, and hopefully move on. All I can say is I hope she treats Cici as I would...

Thank you everyone who has been kind enough for your encouragement. Even those of which who had an opinion I may not want to hear. You count too.

Breathe lady, just breathe

 

[Jayess94]

Now she is just sending me messages trying to taunt me after I already told her goodbye. like "do you need my address for your little civil suit? Oh, no, that's right, you already have it when you called animal control. Just let me know if you need it again".
She's being an overgrown child and it serves no purpose but to upset me.

 

[WonderY]

Now she is just sending me messages trying to taunt me after I already told her goodbye. like "do you need my address for your little civil suit? Oh, no, that's right, you already have it when you called animal control. Just let me know if you need it again".
She's being an overgrown child and it serves no purpose but to upset me.

Let it go Jay....seems like you ruffled some feathers. Just ignore and sit back and watch.....and wait

 

[Norachan]

Let it go Jay....seems like you ruffled some feathers. Just ignore and sit back and watch.....and wait

That sounds to me like she is panicking. She may taunt you like that now, but I bet she's worrying about how far this has gone. She must know that she is partly in the wrong about misleading you over her home situation. I'm sure she knows her attitude towards you since you asked her to return the cat doesn't do her any favours either.

I suggest that you don't reply to any of her messages or try to contact her any further. Maybe a carefully worded letter from an attorney would be helpful at this point? I think if you just drop the matter now you're going to be haunted by the "What ifs....." in the future. Having come this far I would take the next step and see where it takes you.

 

[talkingpeanut]

I agree with Norachan

I also think that threatening her and not following through is the worst thing you can do.