I Need Advice On Wanting My Cat Back!

[Jayess94]

So here’s the situation...

I have a two year old cat and she has been my only cat in the house. I live in a house with her and my husband. She is a great cat but she is independent and not really down for snuggles. We wanted a second cat that was more snuggly and affectionate.

We were looking at cats at a local kill shelter about 7 weeks ago and i fell in love with a small adult female that was very affectionate. She came home with us but was sick, the poor thing was not treated with care...emaciated and had a viral infection and a large spotty scab on her back that she kept picking at. We took her to the vet who recommended we keep her in her own quarantine room until healed and stated they would run a culture on her wound to test for ringworm. It took an entire four weeks for us to have her treated and healthy again before she was ready to interact with our resident cat without passing on an illness. When our cats actually met we slowly introduced, using each others scent on items and letting them sniff between a screen patio before being supervised in close contact. The intro went on for a few days and then once they were out and about my cat continually bullied this smaller cat.


Meanwhile i have a coworker that is married with two kids and has no other pets and really wanted to home this cat if it seems my resident girl was not adjusting. I told her that would be a good idea at this point as my cat seems rather unhappy, eating less, bullying etc. i told her to come by with her kids for a “meet and greet”, thinking we would have a chance to talk it over before she actually took this new baby home. I did not know how the new kitty would be around kids. Turns out i was not clear enough which is my fault. She came over and her kids (3 and 6) already “knew” from their mom they were taking the cat home. During the meet it was unnerving as the kids are not mature enough, chased the cat and were too rambunctious. They are not mean boys they are sweet, but just way too excitable for this kitty. The kitty tolerates them and does not bite or scratch but she is clearly terrified. It is my fault i didnt speak up and pull the Mom (my coworker) aside to tell her it wasn’t a good fit. I just balked because her kids were so excited and she was like ok kids let’s take her home!


Anyway she takes her home and i come to find the cat has been hiding under the bed 75% of the time and has barely eaten for two days. On the third day she came out and ate so much at once she threw up. Then went back to hiding. This is not behavior she displayed at my house, she was gregarious, eating like a horse, and loved to walk around. I feel so guilty that i thought i was doing the right thing for this kitty and now it seems she is in a position where she is terrified and being harassed by kids. I already know I am the one who made a mistake here but my question is what would you do? I plan on giving it a full week of her having the cat to ask if the situation has improved and the cat has adjusted any. If it seems this behavior is still happening i think i will suggest it’s not a good fit and that i pick her up..... i think even living with my cat being a bully would be better than the situation she’s in now.

 

[talkingpeanut]

Yes, I think you need to do the right thing for the cat. You’re her advocate! Explain the misunderstanding and let your coworker know that you’ve made a mistake.

 

[Furballsmom]

My big guy is a cat that was in basically the same situation. He got a UTI, didn't clean himself and his owner, although she loved him eventually had to give him up because he was always stressed out. Some cats simply can't handle young kids. If you get him back maybe you can gradually introduce them again, then play with the bully cat to wear it out, distract the bully cat, maybe even check into medication such as Prozac. Being bullied is just as stressful for cats. That lady perhaps should consider waiting a little bit then maybe a dog that can stand up to kid behavior.

 

[mingsmongols]

This bullying is completely natural behavior as well. If you do get her back then theirs things you can do to bring back the peace. Such as adding more vertical surfaces such as cat trees.

 

[Furballsmom]

M mingsmongols yes, exactly.

 

[Jayess94]

Thanks guys, i hope this woman understands and isn’t grouchy about it.

 

[Furballsmom]

I understand, really I do. But there are other pets for her and her kiddies. I wouldn't delay on this. It's either the cat is still terrified and barely eating which is very bad, or things have calmed down. You need to know because if it's A, that furbaby needs out of there and you then need to keep the bully cat away from it for a while. Give the little sweetie it's own room with a door.

 

[rubysmama]

I hope your co-worker will understand, but even she must realize that a cat spending 75% of his time under a bed is not a happy cat. Maybe, don't dwell on that so much though, but say you and your husband really miss her, and want to try again with her and your cat. Which is actually the truth!

And when you do bring her home, maybe try a much longer cat introduction. Here's an article that might have some helpful tips. How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide Good luck. And please keep us updated.

Edit to add: just reread your first post and see your resident cat is also female. I've read that 2 females aren't always the right choice if you want bonded cats. But hopefully, they'll learn to co-exist. Again, good luck.

 

[Jayess94]

Thank you all, i will be sending her a thought out message as soon as I’m off work, she is not on shift with me today.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

ANd be aware that it can take weeks, sometimes months, of slowly introducing two cats before they are fully integrated. Here are a couple of articles on how to do it successfully, in case you can get her back.

How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide
Introducing Cats To Cats

It is VERY rare for this to take less than two-four weeks, so be sure you are in it for the long haul! The more this poor girl is back-and-forth, the harder it is on her.

 

[Jayess94]

Okay so when i texted her asking for an update on the cat, this is what she sent me

“She is great. Has made friends with everyone. Found a spot she likes right in the living room window. ”

 

[Jayess94]

And then i asked her if she was still under the bed a lot and her response was

“She has several spots when she wants to be left alone. She likes the boy's sock drawer but she isn't really hiding as much as just sleeping.”

 

[Furballsmom]

 

[Jayess94]

I’m not sure what to make of it. It sounds like it’s doing better but still not necessarily comfortable with the kids?

 

[Jayess94]

She says it is eating better too and has not thrown up again. It sounds like it’s making progress then why do i still feel so uneasy about it :/

 

[talkingpeanut]

If you simply want the cat back, I think that’s enough to ask for her. But if you think she’s settling in, it’s ok to leave her too.

 

[Norachan]

Jayess94 Maybe you could go over there and check things out for yourself? If the cat has her hiding places and the kids respect them she might settle in well there after a while.

Going over to see for yourself will help you make up your mind what you want to do about the situation.

 

[Jayess94]

I would love to but I’m not sure if she’d be up for that. She seems a little defensive sometimes even though I haven’t said anything accusatory. But that day that the cat threw up on the rug i told her i was a bit concerned and she did not say anything in response. And this exchange was in person so it was rather odd. I think the chances are this little kitty is pretty resilient so she will most likely get used to the situation and find out where to hide best when she wants to be left alone as the woman had told me previously. But i do not feel good about it. I don’t want a life of kids prodding at her i guess. And the more i think about it, the grandparent is the one at home watching the toddler during the day so I’m not sure they’ll have enough supervision maintaining the cats personal space. I’ve been doing a lot of anxious stressing over it and i feel like i had a bad vibe for a reason. I don’t want to be rude but also i feel like i have to go with my gut. If it’s bothering me this much i must feel something is off. I am sending her a message tomorrow that will consist of no blaming of her kids at all but just me expressing i feel a mistake was made on my part and i would appreciate being able to pick her up to try again with my cat at my house. I’m sure her kids will be a bit upset but i feel as though it maybe more appropriate for them to find a pet who is larger, like a dog, or a cat or more substantial size that is used to children and they will be happier that it comes out to play more anyway.

 

[maggiedemi]

I would go over for a visit and check things out. Maybe she's happy there. But maybe not. The only way to know is to see for yourself or ask her for a video.

 

[Norachan]

What were the shelter's adoption policies? Most shelters won't allow you to pass an animal on to a third party, could you tell her that letting her have the kitten violates the adoption contract?