I Need Advice On Wanting My Cat Back!

[Jayess94]

So in the policy it does state that you're not allowed to do that, but I don't think that would be good grounds to go on. I'm sure she would simply say well don't report yourself.
Anyway, I texted her today and said "So as good as it was to hear yesterday that kitty was improving, i feel as though i have to be completely honest in telling you that i would like to give her another try at my house. I feel like i made the mistake of a hasty decision once i found out your husband would be willing to try a cat. I feel as though if i would have let her be for a little while longer my cat would grow to get used to it. I hope that you’re not too mad at me for saying this and can understand my hope to try again. It’s my mistake that i didn’t speak up sooner at the meet and greet".

she responded with "That does upset me. What am I supposed to tell my boys?"
And I responded with "Honestly I think they may be better with a larger animal or a cat that is already used to children. I think it was hard to say something initially at the meet and greet because the boys already had the impression they were taking her home".

She hasn't responded since.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hang in there!!

 

[Jayess94]

Thanks! She still has not responded. I'm sure she is plotting my death, lol! Oh well.

 

[talkingpeanut]

I would lie and say the shelter called to follow up with you, if needed.

 

[Jayess94]

Although I’d prefer not to, it may come to that, She doesn’t seem too understanding. Not sure why she wouldn’t want the best animal for her kiddies or the best, least stressful home for this cat.

 

[Furballsmom]

Pooh, I'd typed a reply but it didn't post. Anyway, second try, I'm sorry this got odd on you!

 

[furmonster mom]

Well, from her perspective, you offered her a cat, she accepted and came to pick it up, and now that the family has been bonding with the new addition, you are wanting to take it away.

You say that you are concerned that the cat will be stressed with the kids, yet you are wanting to bring it back into your household where it will be stressed by your resident cat.

If you seem to think you could work it out with your resident cat, why do you think she can't work it out with her kids?

I'm sorry, but it seems more like you are having your own regrets for letting the cat go, rather than actually thinking about the well being of the cat. Kids can be taught how to treat an animal with respect, and I've seen it happen where a child bonds with a pet and it changes everything for them.

 

[talkingpeanut]

I do think it’s a large concern that OP rehomed and broke the shelter contract, regardless.

 

[furmonster mom]

I do think it’s a large concern that OP rehomed and broke the shelter contract, regardless.

What then? If you want to use that reasoning, technically the shelter would have to take the cat back... then what? Who does that really benefit in the long run?

 

[Jayess94]

I do indeed see how it looks from that side. Truth is you are right in saying i am very regretful, i was responsible for and very much liked this kitty and got it back in good health to see it placed with a family that ultimately i think is not a good decision for it. Which i take responsibility for.

I would have said no if i had the gall to speak up initially or had a moment to speak to her alone. But like i said, she had already told her kids that they werent simply meeting the cat to see how it went, but that promised them they were here to pick it up. I didn’t not know what to say in front her her little ones. I felt awkward being the one to tell her kids no instead of her. And now it’s even more awkward since I’m doing it now. Hindsight is always 20/20. Truly if i felt it was in a great environment i would not be feeling this way.

But these kids I’m sure are well meaning but that doesn’t mean a small timid cat is right for their first pet. These are particularly boisterous boys who were chasing the cat in my home and picking up my workout weights and slinging them around each others heads . You can kinda tell their mom was trying to keep them in check but they most likely get away with stuff at home. She has spoken to several people about how rambunctious they are at my work. Also he toddler is only watched at home by an elderly grandparent while the parents are at work. I was previously under the impression that it was an uncle. I’m not sure that is enough supervision with grandpa alone...

I myself grew up with pets and children can definitely be taught to never gentle as you said but there are several concerning factors in play here even beyond the kids. some of which i just didn’t get into because it’s so long of a story. Such as initially her husband said no about the possibility of a cat because “he said if it scratches things in the house we’d have to get rid of it”, which makes me think they don’t care so much...also when she came to pick it up she took my carrier because she did not have her own and figured she’d just hold it in the car. Weird.

 

[Jayess94]

Also when it was being cultured and cared for for it’s viral respiratory infection and ringworm she had no interest in the cat. Then as soon as i told people at work that she was healthy enough to let interact with my resident girl suddenly she was interested again and magically her husband changed his mind to yes.

The reason i think my resident cat could work out is because i didn’t allow enough time. The kids however will be boisterous for many years to come. Hope that explains a little better

 

[Norachan]

Speaking as someone who often takes in and re-homes unwanted or feral kittens, I think that you really have to go with your gut feelings on this one. Don't worry about offending the mother or upsetting the kids. You can always work on your relationship with people at a later date. Human beings can be reasoned with or placated, but if cats grow up in a scary or unsafe environment they rarely recover from that.

I understand what furmonster mom means about taking the kitten out of one stressful environment and back into another, but at least you will be there to supervise the relationship between the kitten and your resident cat. It took one of my cats a couple of years of living in her own room with her own fenced off enclosure before she was ready to meet my other cats face to face. Cat introductions have to be handled so slowly at times, but just because things didn't work out first time around it doesn't mean all is lost.

If you are prepared to start all over again with the introductions and understand that it could be months and months before they get along with each other things could still work out here. We can give you advice on how to re-do the introductions.

I've refused to let people adopt kittens because they lived on the 9th floor of an apartment building and couldn't guarantee that the windows are always kept shut. I've turned down perfectly nice couples because they weren't permanent residents in this country and didn't know where they would be going once their work permits ran out. I've taken a kitten back after hearing that the resident dog chased him under the bed and he hadn't come out since. I'm sure I didn't win myself any friends in those situations, but that's not really my concern. I'm responsible for the well being of the cats and kittens I care for, so that has to be my priority.

There are plenty of animals in shelters that this family could adopt. I agree that a dog or a puppy might be better for these boys. Shelter staff will be able to suggest a good match too, which will work out better for the family and the pet.

 

[maggiedemi]

Yeah, I didn't realize you had a contract. If the shelter finds out, they will go and take the cat back anyway. This happened to Ellen DeGeneres with a dog. She adopted it and then gave it away to a family with kids. When the shelter found out, they went and took it away and the kids were crushed. I think it's best to go get the cat before the kids get too attached. Shelters can be really strict with their contracts.

 

[Jayess94]

Speaking as someone who often takes in and re-homes unwanted or feral kittens, I think that you really have to go with your gut feelings on this one.

Thank you, i needed to read this. I’m getting some sort of peace through the anxiety. I truly don’t like conflict but at least i feel better knowing i have spoken up and i will just have to see how it goes from here.

 

[maggiedemi]

I would show her the contract. Does it say that you will get any fines if you give the cat away?

 

[rubysmama]

I wonder if she would be motivated to return the cat if you offered her money to put towards another adoption.

I've seen the monetary suggestion in other cases where someone was trying to "entice" a cat owner to relinquish a cat to a better home. The suggestion might totally insult her, or then again, since she didn't even buy her own pet carrier, maybe money might be a motivator.

Good luck.

 

[Jayess94]

So she finally texted me back today and it was a guilt trip. She said that i knew she was getting this cat and talked about it a month ago. I told her yes we did but your husband said no, and then the cat was sick and you were not interested until it was well again and you told me your husband had changed his mind. Then she said that i knew her kids knew they were getting the cat that day since we had talked about what it would need etc. i said yes we did talk about that and i assumes you all were ready for a pet whether it was my cat specifically or not. I said I’m sorry i wasn’t clear about meeting first to see how the cat did before letting it go home. I would not normally promise a cat without seeing how it interacted first. Then she says the cat sleeps in the bed with her boys, which seems all of a sudden because that has not been at all the behavior we have talked about the past week. Now i just feel like an A hole no matter what.

 

[Jayess94]

I would show her the contract. Does it say that you will get any fines if you give the cat away?

It doesn’t have fines, it just says in short that the owner agrees responsibility for the pet and will not relinquish to third party

 

[Jayess94]

But really i feel bummed that because she as a parent promised her kids something now i look like a total bad guy.

 

[Furballsmom]

Dang