Hugs to all of you who have gone through devastating losses.
Today I lost my fifth cat in 2 years. I also lost my beloved dog of almost 12 years february 2016 after a long fight with an awful spinal disease. I am down to two cats and a new dog. One cat is allergic to many things, the dog is young but has inflammatory bowel disease and food allergies and the other cat has a blue ear which is spreading but has been biopsied twice and is benign.
My gorgeous black formerly feral cat died today in the hospital. He had diabetes which I carefully managed for two years and was stable. Last winter they discovered he had asthma for years but never felt it was severe enough to treat until this past week. He had stomatitis and was treated by removing many teeth but could eat fine with what was left and would give me love bites that hurt with sharp little fangs to prove his teeth were fine. He had otitis from years of being feral and not letting me tame him to touch him until I had to give him insulin shots.
Then I tamed him and he became the sweetest most loving affectionate cat. He went from scratching and drawing blood if I petted him to sleeping on my head, head butting me, rubbing his face against mine, loving belly rubs and sleeping with his little face leaning trustingly against my cheek with his paw in my hand or his paw wrapped around my arm. We could communicate, he'd look at me then his water bowl and I knew he wanted me to change the water so I did and he'd then drink it, icy cold clean water of course. He wouldn't eat one food but I knew he wanted tuna or food with gravy or in sauce and he'd eat from me, even on his last day when he wouldn't eat from anyone else. He would give a little meow and I knew he wanted a shoulder rub or for me to rub his chin and hold it up as his pillow.
What got him was the cancer. His best buddy, my new dog started obsessively licking his ears last fall. I took him to the vet hospital and asked for a biopsy. They said otitis is chronic and rarely malignant. I said my dog smells cancer do the biopsies. It was cancer. They did total ear canal ablation on both ears, removed all the cancer and said he'd be fine Feb 2017. This cancer is usually not aggressive and grows slowly, over 4 or 5 years in 90%of cats and he's already 14 or 15. A month or 2 later he's scratching his ears raw again and the dog is licking him frantically again. Back we go, in only 2 months the cancer has returned and spread to the lymph nodes. The 1st chemo treatment doesn't work. Next chemo treatment they try different kind which doesn't work and makes him very sick. They take him off his pain meds because they're injectable and there's an opioid crisis, just when he's doing well again.
They stop chemo. He goes downhill. I have a second opinion set up for radiation and different cancer vet. He gets worse then better and is in and out of the hospital. Asthma gets worse, he has infection from scratching tumors when they stopped pain meds. He eats and perks up and is happy and loving when I'm with him. I agonize wanting hom to see the other vet since the infection and asthma are treatable. They start talking euthanasia. I'm visiting him in the hospital and spending hours with him every night, he's happy with me there and eats and purrs like a motor for me and drinks. Yesterday he gets worse. But I spent a couple of hours there late last night and he's purring leaning chin on me and ate all juice from a can of tuna and drank a lot of water with me and is looking at me lovingly. Phone consult with other place this morning learn radiation might not work and requires anesthesia. He's too sick for that.
I'm heading out to hospital to see him and try to make euthanasia decision when they call and he's in cardiac arrest. They get his heartbeat going until I get there and hug and kiss him and tell him how much I love him forever then euthanize him. My dog, his best buddy got to sniff him too right before. Maybe I waited too long. He was on strong pain meds the last week in the hospital and I didn't take him home because I was afraid he'd suffer in the car or at home. I wish I'd stayed longer last night he didn't want me to leave. I also wish I'd gotten there earlier and seen him before his dying.
I can't stop crying. One of the other pets has been moving his favorite toy mouse around the apartment. No one ever played with it but him. When he was cancer free briefly he loved that mouse and played with it nonstop. Every time I look at it I start crying again. I miss him sleeping on my head and butting against my face purring demanding love and attention. And jumping over the baby gate to sneak into the kitchen to eat the nondiabetic cat food. And cuddling with the dog and little cat. And purring and drooling on me.
From feral to complete lovebug. I only had 2 years of him trusting and loving me. But managing his diabetes and ears and infections and then cancer my life literally revolved around him the past 2 years and I was constantly thinking about him or checking on him or making sure he ate or medicating him. He was like my special needs baby. He had a hypoglycemic episode once that scared me so much. I'd wake up at night to check on him and I'd always look for him. I lost my mom's beloved cat to cancer in stomach and intestines October 2016. It's too much.
Today I lost my fifth cat in 2 years. I also lost my beloved dog of almost 12 years february 2016 after a long fight with an awful spinal disease. I am down to two cats and a new dog. One cat is allergic to many things, the dog is young but has inflammatory bowel disease and food allergies and the other cat has a blue ear which is spreading but has been biopsied twice and is benign.
My gorgeous black formerly feral cat died today in the hospital. He had diabetes which I carefully managed for two years and was stable. Last winter they discovered he had asthma for years but never felt it was severe enough to treat until this past week. He had stomatitis and was treated by removing many teeth but could eat fine with what was left and would give me love bites that hurt with sharp little fangs to prove his teeth were fine. He had otitis from years of being feral and not letting me tame him to touch him until I had to give him insulin shots.
Then I tamed him and he became the sweetest most loving affectionate cat. He went from scratching and drawing blood if I petted him to sleeping on my head, head butting me, rubbing his face against mine, loving belly rubs and sleeping with his little face leaning trustingly against my cheek with his paw in my hand or his paw wrapped around my arm. We could communicate, he'd look at me then his water bowl and I knew he wanted me to change the water so I did and he'd then drink it, icy cold clean water of course. He wouldn't eat one food but I knew he wanted tuna or food with gravy or in sauce and he'd eat from me, even on his last day when he wouldn't eat from anyone else. He would give a little meow and I knew he wanted a shoulder rub or for me to rub his chin and hold it up as his pillow.
What got him was the cancer. His best buddy, my new dog started obsessively licking his ears last fall. I took him to the vet hospital and asked for a biopsy. They said otitis is chronic and rarely malignant. I said my dog smells cancer do the biopsies. It was cancer. They did total ear canal ablation on both ears, removed all the cancer and said he'd be fine Feb 2017. This cancer is usually not aggressive and grows slowly, over 4 or 5 years in 90%of cats and he's already 14 or 15. A month or 2 later he's scratching his ears raw again and the dog is licking him frantically again. Back we go, in only 2 months the cancer has returned and spread to the lymph nodes. The 1st chemo treatment doesn't work. Next chemo treatment they try different kind which doesn't work and makes him very sick. They take him off his pain meds because they're injectable and there's an opioid crisis, just when he's doing well again.
They stop chemo. He goes downhill. I have a second opinion set up for radiation and different cancer vet. He gets worse then better and is in and out of the hospital. Asthma gets worse, he has infection from scratching tumors when they stopped pain meds. He eats and perks up and is happy and loving when I'm with him. I agonize wanting hom to see the other vet since the infection and asthma are treatable. They start talking euthanasia. I'm visiting him in the hospital and spending hours with him every night, he's happy with me there and eats and purrs like a motor for me and drinks. Yesterday he gets worse. But I spent a couple of hours there late last night and he's purring leaning chin on me and ate all juice from a can of tuna and drank a lot of water with me and is looking at me lovingly. Phone consult with other place this morning learn radiation might not work and requires anesthesia. He's too sick for that.
I'm heading out to hospital to see him and try to make euthanasia decision when they call and he's in cardiac arrest. They get his heartbeat going until I get there and hug and kiss him and tell him how much I love him forever then euthanize him. My dog, his best buddy got to sniff him too right before. Maybe I waited too long. He was on strong pain meds the last week in the hospital and I didn't take him home because I was afraid he'd suffer in the car or at home. I wish I'd stayed longer last night he didn't want me to leave. I also wish I'd gotten there earlier and seen him before his dying.
I can't stop crying. One of the other pets has been moving his favorite toy mouse around the apartment. No one ever played with it but him. When he was cancer free briefly he loved that mouse and played with it nonstop. Every time I look at it I start crying again. I miss him sleeping on my head and butting against my face purring demanding love and attention. And jumping over the baby gate to sneak into the kitchen to eat the nondiabetic cat food. And cuddling with the dog and little cat. And purring and drooling on me.
From feral to complete lovebug. I only had 2 years of him trusting and loving me. But managing his diabetes and ears and infections and then cancer my life literally revolved around him the past 2 years and I was constantly thinking about him or checking on him or making sure he ate or medicating him. He was like my special needs baby. He had a hypoglycemic episode once that scared me so much. I'd wake up at night to check on him and I'd always look for him. I lost my mom's beloved cat to cancer in stomach and intestines October 2016. It's too much.
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